Chapter 29
Briefing Room One was crowded. Designed for 25, it presently contained over 40. Last night's group from the hangar deck had been augmented by a dozen sighted personnel. Kirk surveyed the room, then asked Spock if everyone had arrived.
"All present, Captain."
Kirk never doubted that Spock knew, though he saw puzzled looks on a few faces. He kept his remarks brief.
"Good morning, gentlemen. I trust you all recognize the sound of my voice, but for the duration of the present circumstances, anyone speaking in an official capacity will begin by identifying themselves. So, this is Captain Kirk speaking. I have taken command of this vessel temporarily due to the incapacitation of Captain Young. Mr. Scott expects to have power restored within 24 hours. The goal of this group is to have sufficient personnel capable of manning this vessel by the time power is restored. Dr. McCoy is hopeful that the blindness experienced by most personnel is temporary in nature. However he has not as yet had any time to devote to the question. To my knowledge, there have been no reports of returning sight. Therefore we will proceed on the assumption that blind personnel will remain blind for an indefinite period of time. Should that time extend beyond the restoration of power, Mr. Spock will be working closely with Mr. Scott to design auditory data outputs for each workstation. Meanwhile, each post will have to be manned by a team of two: one blind person trained for the post, and one sighted person not trained for the post, but there to be eyes for the blind.
"In order for sighted personnel to understand what's being asked of blind personnel, I'm scheduling a training session on the hangar deck at 1900 this evening. Find a blindfold and be wearing it before you enter the hangar deck. Training session to last for two hours. And blind personnel, please do not tell them what to expect. And I'll see all of you on the hangar deck at 2100. Mr. Spock has duty assignments for each of you. Please see him before you leave. Dismissed."
Spock spent most of the day in Engineering. Scotty called him a godsend, insisting he was worth more than any two others combined, even if he was blind. Spock didn't believe him, but nonetheless was reasonably satisfied with his ability to function. But it annoyed him to note how his emotional equilibrium was affected by the knowledge that he was not as useless as he had feared.
At lunch time he made a brief visit to Sickbay. McCoy declared him infection-free, but insisted on a follow-up visit on each of the next three days. When Spock began to protest the necessity, McCoy retorted,
"You're just lucky I'm too tired to ask how you're coping with this!"
Spock replied calmly, "I do not believe in luck, Doctor." And he departed before McCoy could respond. This comment reassured McCoy that Spock was coping.
Going to Young's room, Spock found Nona with him this time. Explaining himself as before, he received permission and took a little more of Young's pain. It was his intention to return at dinner time, but he was delayed in Engineering and did not have time before the 1900 training session, for which Kirk had asked his assistance.
Kirk pushed the trainees past their limits. He yelled, he quietly persuaded, he refused to accept 'I can't' for an answer. He used Spock, Chuck, and Sullivan for assistants, never pointing out to anyone their blindness, but rather quietly taking for granted that they could do what he needed. And they could.
After almost two hours of intense work, he sat them down in a circle and told them to take off the blindfolds.
"Now tell me what you learned."
Various responses: gratitude for eyesight, amazement at what they could do when pushed; one said he forgot he was wearing a blindfold.
"Yes! That's what I'm after - to become so comfortable with the lack of sight that you forget there is any other way.
"Our time is up. Thank you all for coming. I hope that you will remember this session in the days to come as you work with blind colleagues. I could use three or four of you as assistants in the next two hours - strictly voluntary - and any who want to stay and watch are welcome. Dismissed."
As one group left and the other assembled, Kirk ran the obstacle course twice - once with sight, and once without - 30 seconds and 35 seconds respectively. Spock decided to stay and participate. His time was 25 seconds. Kirk asked for his help on the corridor dodge exercise. They worked together on it for almost an hour, after which Kirk and Spock could do it on a dead run without hitting anyone, and several others were getting there.
Sulu called them over to the tightrope. Word had gotten out accidentally that Sullivan had made him fall. So they wanted him to do it again without interference. Kirk sensed an undercurrent of animosity towards Sullivan.
"You want to see me fall off again? Once wasn't enough?" He tried to make it joke, but they wouldn't let it go.
"Sullivan doesn't think you would have fallen."
"And you all are angry because you think he cheated. The purpose of the exercise was not to find out if I could walk the tightrope, but to find out if I would refuse to try. Is the answer to that question in doubt because of the way in which I fell?"
"Well, no, but..."
"But you still feel cheated. Okay, I'll do it again under one condition: whether I succeed or fail, no one tries tightrope walking without coaching from Sullivan. Understood?"
A chorus of 'Yes, sir's.
"Anybody know what happened to the rope we used on my hands?" He hadn't bothered to tie his hands so far that evening.
"You can do it without the hands tied."
"I thought you wanted an exact replay."
"I found it. Here it is, Captain."
They secured his hands and Kirk climbed up onto the platform. Somewhat to his surprise, he found the prospect of repeating last night's stunt a little daunting. Setting aside how he felt about it, he did not allow himself to hesitate. Once on the rope, his attention was focused entirely on the task. After a moment, he spoke.
"Sorry, guys. I forgot I should be talking so you know where I am. You might be interested to know that this doesn't get easier the second time. Quite the contrary, in fact. In spite of Sullivan's assessment, I do not expect to succeed. And if I manage to avoid getting hurt when I fall, it won't be because of any skill on my part. Incidentally, my walk is a sideways sliding step. I am not actually picking up one foot and putting it in front of the other. And as I said last night, balance is everything. The fact that I can't see the rope doesn't matter at all. I wouldn't be looking at it even if I could see it.
"I'm well past the middle, but that means nothing. This is scary because of falling onto a surface I can't see. Last night, I managed to hook a leg on the rope and ease myself down. Chances of that happening again are not high. And I learned yesterday that blind belly-flops are emotionally difficult. My instinct is to curl up and roll, but I can't do that with my hands tied. And a belly-flop only works if you're completely relaxed.
"I'm grateful to be proved wrong. I've reached the other side. If you're satisfied, the fastest way off of here is to jump, but I'd rather not land on anybody, so if you'd step back out of range, I'd appreciate it. By the way, I want to clarify that I am not angry with Sullivan for making me fall, nor am I angry with you all for asking me to do this twice."
He jumped off the platform, landing on his feet.
"We're out of time for tonight. I doubt we'll have the leisure for such fun and games tomorrow night, but we'll leave the equipment up for a few days in case anyone wants to practice on their own. Dismissed."
The room emptied quickly. Everyone was tired. Kirk sensed someone was still there. Instinct told him it was Spock.
"Don't say it. I know what you're thinking."
"Indeed?"
"That I should have asked someone to untie my hands before I dismissed them."
"Allow me, Captain."
Spock removed the rope and they started walking to the door.
"Captain, why do you not also remove the blindfold?"
"I put it on to remind me what I am asking of blind personnel."
"I understood that, but the training session is over."
Kirk stopped walking and sighed. "I don't want to have to face the reality that I have eyes and you don't. Even this morning, I found myself avoiding looking at you, because you sound normal and I could pretend nothing was wrong. Classic case of denial. I don't know how you manage to avoid it. Or do you?"
"Ruthlessly. I do not have time for lengthy grieving, nor do you. Jim, I need you."
"Spock, I want to help. I would give you my eyes if I could. But how can I stop grieving?" It wasn't a complaint so much as a genuine question.
"You cannot do for me what I need unless you have emotionally accepted the fact of my blindness. If you are willing, I can accelerate the process for you."
Willingness wasn't the issue. "Your quarters or mine?"
"The free fall court is closer."
"You mean to go through with this combat training tonight?"
"You will not have time tomorrow, and I must know if it can be done."
"All right. Let's go."
Just outside the hangar deck, they encountered Chuck.
"Sullivan asked me to wait for you. He thinks you two are up to something and are more likely to let me in on it than himself. Is he right?"
"You're welcome, but he would be too. We're going to the free fall court."
Kirk explained en route, still not taking off the blindfold. There was nothing in the way they moved to indicate that none of them could see where they were going. When they arrived, Chuck found a corner so as to be out of the way.
Spock turned to face Kirk. "Jim, I don't think you realize the intensity of emotional pain involved in what I am proposing to do to you."
"Probably not, but does that matter?" Spock knew it didn't, so why bother talking about it?
"It is a question of informed consent."
"No amount of explanation will make me change my mind. So let's get on with it."
"Very well. Please take off the blindfold." Kirk did without further hesitation. "Look at my face. When I am finished, this form will seem normal to you. But first I must see what you see. Do not close your eyes or look elsewhere."
Spock established mental contact and did not speak aloud again. For about twenty minutes, there was no sound except their breathing. It appeared to Chuck that Spock's breathing remained calm and controlled, while Kirk's grew increasingly ragged. Other than the breathing, there was no outward display of emotion, but it was clear to Chuck that Kirk was undergoing significant emotional trauma. Finally Kirk's breathing returned to normal and he spoke.
"Thank you."
"It is I who thank you. Both for what you have just endured, and for what I am about to ask of you."
"I won't waste time arguing the necessity. What do you want me to do?"
"Free-style, hand-to-hand, anything goes, no time limit."
"You want me to beat the tar out of you, and keep doing it until you figure out how to stop me."
"Yes."
Without warning, Kirk delivered a solid punch to the jaw, followed up with two blows to the midsection, and would have finished it with a chopping blow to the back of the neck, but Spock counter-attacked, and he found himself on the defensive instead. They sparred for over half an hour. Several times Kirk thought he was winning, but Spock repeatedly surprised him in his ability to sense where Kirk was.
"Stop." Spock called a halt, and Kirk froze mid-move and dropped his arms.
Spock continued. "You are being too nice. Your moves are very predictable. You are not really trying to incapacitate me."
"Neither are you." It was a childish retort, but Kirk didn't care.
"That is irrelevant. Not once have you tried to attack my eyes." Kirk shuddered at the thought. "But that is exactly what an enemy would do." Spock paused. "Jim, I know this is difficult, but you can do it. The question is, will you? I will ask no one else."
A long moment of silence. Kirk knew Spock was staking his future with Starfleet on the outcome of this encounter. Were he in Spock's place, he would have done the same, and counted the risk to his injury a small price to pay. Further, if Spock were in his place, he would comply without counting the emotional cost to himself. Kirk could do no less.
"Yes, I will," he responded.
What followed was magnitudes more ferocious, and made the previous sparring seem like child's play. Chuck was not certain how he could tell, because neither of them made a sound other than their breathing and the sound of bodies colliding and landing on the floor.
At one point, Kirk had Spock in a vulnerable position. With his fingers poised over Spock's face, Kirk hesitated. Spock knew it, grabbed Kirk's wrists and furiously threw him to the floor. Kirk was winded, and wryly amused. He knew Spock wasn't angry, but the message was clear nonetheless. He got up and renewed the attack, this time without hesitation.
Twice more Kirk almost got Spock's eyes. Though he attacked mercilessly without hesitation, Spock forced him back each time.
"Enough, Spock. You may be able to keep this up all night, but I can't. From now on you'll get diminishing returns because of fatigue. Can we call it quits?"
"I believe the question has been sufficiently answered in the affirmative."
"You must have a king-sized headache."
"Rest for the remainder of the watch would be prudent."
Something about that statement raised Kirk's suspicions. "Why do I get the impression you don't intend to rest?"
"I plan to spend the next several hours at Captain Young's bedside."
"Doing what?" He was afraid he knew.
"It is my goal that he regain consciousness before we reach Outpost 67."
"Spock! There are limits, even for you."
"This is doable, a few minutes at a time." He sounded certain.
Kirk gave up arguing. "I agree it needs doing. Do you intend to work a duty shift tomorrow besides?"
"Most of two shifts, as usual."
"I'll see you on the Bridge then at 0700. You go ahead. I'll debrief Chuck."
"As you wish, Captain. And Jim, thank you."
"You are welcome." Spock departed and Kirk turned to Chuck. "Any questions?"
"What was that about Captain Young? What is Spock going to do?"
"Young won't regain consciousness until he's pain-free. Spock's going to take it."
"Take his pain? How? And what's he going to do with it?"
"By mind-meld. Once he's taken it from Young, he'll give it to Jesus."
"I don't understand."
"Have you ever experienced a Vulcan mind-meld?"
"No."
"Well, I have, and I still don't understand it."
"What was that about Outpost 67?"
"Spock knows that as soon as we have power, I will head for the two outposts probably hit by whatever hit us, one of which is 67. Within a few days, I will have to decide whether to stay with the Enterprise, or take the position at Outpost 67. If Young is conscious and functional, my decision is clear. If not, most difficult."
"Spock's going to wake Young up so you will have to leave, and I gather at quite a cost to himself? Your objection was not whether he should but whether he could."
"I know better than to object to that either. If Spock says he can, then he can."
"But why does he want to? Surely, no one would require it."
"He requires it of himself."
xxxx
Spock entered Young's room and found Nona at his bed.
"Good evening, ma'am. I now have several hours to devote to the task of relieving his pain, if you will permit."
"It is true that you seemed to do him no harm, but I have been thinking. It would be in your best interest for him to remain unconscious. I must know your true motives, but I know of only one way to find out, and being Vulcan, you are not likely to permit it."
"What do you propose?"
She spoke tentatively, as if reluctant even to voice the idea. "A Morenan woman can sense the emotion of a man with whom she is in physical contact. It is not a single touch, but a series of touches designed to heighten physical sensation. The pheromones enhance the reception."
"You are a married woman."
"Yes," she stated emphatically. "I would not do this without Gisa here as a witness. You may not return the touch, and any lust the encounter produces would remain unfulfilled."
"That is not a concern. I am unaffected by Morenan pheromones. My principal concern is the danger to you. Vulcans maintain personal shields most of the time. I can lower those shields to enable you to sense my emotions. I am not certain I can do so while continuing to maintain adequate protection for you against the pain I carry. If I cannot, you would lose consciousness until I could take back the pain I had given you. Would my touch be permitted long enough to accomplish that?"
"Yes, with Gisa as a witness."
"Then the risk is acceptable. If you wish, I will find Gisa and return."
"Please do."
Spock was back a few minutes later, having found Gisa in Ward B.
"Spock said you needed me. Is husband worse?" Gisa asked.
"No. Spock, excuse us, but I can explain more quickly in Morenan."
"As you wish."
The ladies chattered for several minutes. Spock gathered that Gisa was raising objections. Finally Gisa acquiesced and Nona returned to Standard.
"Gisa agrees to witness."
"Does this action violate a cultural taboo?"
Nona sighed. "Even with Gisa as witness, husband will have the right to reject me as wife. Gisa wished to volunteer, but it is my responsibility as first wife."
"One can hope he will exercise as much wisdom in keeping you as he showed in choosing you."
"You are kind, but I was chosen for him. Gisa was his choice."
That raised other issues, but Spock didn't voice them. "No further questions. Do you have instructions?"
"Contact must be skin to skin. Please remove your garments from the waist up."
Spock complied without hesitation. Nona approached slowly, and Spock lowered his shields. Her touch was a gentle caress which to his surprise was not unpleasant. His awareness of her was dominated by the depth of her love for Young.
After a moment, she spoke. "You are surprised. You expected more of an attack. Do not be deceived. As I go deeper, it gets more aggressive." She paused, clearly reluctant to continue.
"Do not be afraid to do what you must."
So she did, and Spock let her probe deeper and deeper, patiently enduring the attack on his person. Finally she spoke again.
"You hide nothing from me. I find no hate or evil thought in your soul. There are no walls, except this one." And she put her hands on Spock's face. He did not flinch. She continued to probe his face. "I do not sense any self-protection. Rather your concern is for me. But I must know what is behind this wall. Will you take it down?"
"No, I will not. But if you continue in your present activity, you will very likely punch a hole in it. Gisa, catch her when she falls."
Nona's thumbs were lightly poised on Spock's eye sockets.
"Don't make me do this to you," she pleaded.
"The decision is yours, but I will not be angry with you."
Nona took a deep breath, pressed her thumbs into Spock's eye sockets, gasped, and slumped to the floor. Spock staggered slightly at the increased pain.
"Gisa, please guide my hand to Nona's face." She did, and he established contact immediately. Removing the blanket of pain quickly, he withdrew and broke the contact. She blinked and opened her eyes.
"That is what you will do to husband? How can you? The pain is so great - I had no idea! How can you contain it? And why did you calmly stand here and allow me to multiply your pain?"
"That is four questions. To answer the first: essentially yes, but his pain is much greater than yours. Given the level of my own pain, I cannot contain all of his at once. Therefore I will repeat the process as many times as necessary. The second and third questions contain so much emotional tone that I suspect you are not asking for a technical explanation. Perhaps you could rephrase the questions more precisely. The fourth question: because your action was logical and the increased pain an unavoidable necessity. Do not distress yourself."
"Then you really aren't angry?" She didn't sound convinced.
"Touch me and see for yourself."
She backed up. "That will not be necessary. I believe you."
"Then may I be allowed to get dressed?"
"Of course. Forgive me; you must be cold."
Spock spent the next four hours at Young's bedside. Every few minutes he reached out, touched his face, and took a little more of his pain. Such was their trust in him that Gisa and Nona curled up on the bed and went to sleep. They were still sleeping at 0600 when Spock left. No one saw his haggard face, and only Chapel heard his staggering gait as he departed Sickbay.
