TWENTY-NINE
New Reno
September 21st
10:44
"So, how'd it go?" Phyllis asked cheerfully, but when Lysanna urgently shook her head and gesticulated behind Chris, she simply said, "Oh."
"No, it's alright," Chris said regardless. "It went pretty shitty. Well, for me at least."
"What happened?" Lara asked, slightly overdoing the concern in her voice.
"Bit of a falling-out with the family. Bit of a big one."
"The good news, however," Lysanna said cheerfully, "is that Chris will stick around for a while."
"Um…" Phyllis began hesitantly. "Are you sure that's such a good – "
"Yes I'm sure," Lysanna interrupted, unperturbed. "We can always use more help, and I think Chris could do with some friends for the moment."
"And friends is what we all are, right?" Lara remarked.
"Hey look," Chris said, "maybe I should just – "
"No!" Lysanna said sharply. "I don't know what the problem is with you guys lately, but it has nothing to do with you."
Chris sighed. "You people can sure make a guy feel welcome."
"Look," Phyllis began. "Like Lysanna said, there's some tensions lately, but none of it's your fault. We just need to sort out some things between us."
At that moment Cassidy came back from the toilet, still buckling his belt, and called out, "So how much cash'd we make?"
All five of them sat around the table, a shot of whisky in front each of them, the glasses in varying degrees of emptiness. In the middle was all the cash they had at the moment.
"Thousand two, plus Lara's five hundred," Lysanna began, and interrupted herself with a look at Lara, "unless she'd like to keep it?" Lara made a dismissive gesture. "Right, so that's a thousand seven, combined with the cash we had before, it's over a thousand eight. Not bad, is it?" she said, looking at the others proudly.
"Nope, not bad at all," Cassidy agreed.
Chris lifted his backpack from the floor. "I guess I should pitch in my part as well."
"What d'you mean?" Phyllis asked.
"When I was um… kicked out of the family, my brother managed to deliver me some cash to tide me over. Since I'm part of the group for now, I guess I'll add it to the pile."
"Well, you shouldn't… I mean…" Lysanna attempted.
"No, no, it's fine," Chris assured. "Haven't counted it yet, but…" he said, flipping the notes between his fingers, "it's over four hundred." He tossed the bills in the middle.
Lysanna stared at the cash pile, musing. "I wonder how much a GECK would cost."
"I don't think you buy them," Lara said apathetically.
"Mmno, I don't think so either," Phyllis agreed. "Besides, best spend it on something we're sure can help us get close to one."
"Like guns," Cassidy said redundantly.
"Guy I know in the West Side sells more guns than he can count," Chris said. "Name of Eldridge. Deals with the family, but he won't mind that I'm… you know. If he even knows already." He sighed. "Anyway, if you're lookin' to buy guns in New Reno, that's the place."
"Been meanin' to ask, bud," Cassidy said, "what the Hell's that huge monster you got?"
Chri smiled, embarrassed but glad to be asked the question. "It's something I made myself. Well, with the help of Derek, my brother." He unholstered the gun and put it on the table. It was so heavy it made a loud bonk as he put it down. "It's actually a rifle I converted to a pistol. Doesn't have the range it had before, but it's small and it's got enough power to blow away a stampeding brahmin bull. Downside is that I haven't found a way to add a clip-system to the damn thing, so right now it takes five cartridges maximum, and I need to load them all manually."
"Can I?" Cassidy asked, pointing at Chris' gun. Chris nodded, "sure."
Cassidy took the weapon from the table and weighted it in his hand. "Next time we practice, I'd love to give 'er a try, if'n you don't mind?"
"Sure, no worries. She takes .223 ammo, so plenty of that around."
"If you guys are done comparing cock size," Phyllis said with a nudge against Cassidy's arm, "why don't we head over to that gun guy and buy us some stuff."
Eldridge's place was a ways to the East, in a slightly less grungy part of town. The residents were no less strange though, with Phyllis even being approached by a preacher who was drunk out of his mind and said he wouldn't mind taking her right there on the altar. Phyllis had given the good father a shove and he'd crashed down into a pile of cardboard boxes, much to Cassidy's enjoyment. Even Lara had managed to spare a smile. Chris and Lysanna had been walking together most of the time, Lysanna explaining about what had happened before they'd come to New Reno, Chris telling her about his family.
"That the place?" Cassidy called to Chris.
"Yep, New Reno Arms."
Lysanna went first (for some reason, they always seemed to expect her to take point), and when she opened the door, she was greeted by three huge dogs barking and growling, drool flying from their teeth. She instinctively recoiled, even though the entrance was a cage of wire fence, and the dogs came even closer, trying to drive her off.
"Packard! Buck! Missy! If I hear one more sound outta you, I'm comin' up there!" a voice shouted from a trap door. The dogs immediately went silent and laid flat, whining softly. The voice went on, "If yer a customer, I'll be right with ya. If yer here fer anythin' else, then git!"
"Uh… we're customers," Lysanna called back.
"Awright, wait up, I'll be right there."
A bald head emerged from the trap door. "How many are ya?"
"Five, the others are waiting outside. This uh," she pointed at the wire fence, "only allows one person at a time, apparently."
"Yar, an' that's why I made it."
"Uh, well, won't it be a bit difficult to buy things in this cage?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, I reckon it will be. I don't allow guns in my store though. Well, any guns but mine, that is," he said with a chuckle. Drop yer heat in the tube over there. An' just so ya know, my dogs make chopped liver outta anyone who tries anything in here."
She looked back at Chris, who stood outside the door. He gave a brief nod, and she dropped her .38 into the tube. It slid down and ended up in a tray attached to another wire fence cage.
"Right, hold on, I'll let ya in." He climbed up from the trap door and hit a switch on his counter. One of the cage's sides swung open, closing again the moment she was through. Every one of Lysanna's companions went through the same routine, Chris receiving a nod of recognition, and Cassidy needing several tries and grunts to get his shotgun through the tube. "Welcome to New Reno Arms."
Eldridge was a shrewd negotiator, but he clearly wasn't interested in making a bad name for himself, and several times, he asked someone what he'd use the gun for, or what their weak points and strong points were, after which he often mm-ed to himself, took the gun out of the other's hands, and gave them another one, saying, "how 'bout this one then?" The newer gun was almost never more expensive than the one they'd held before. Chris didn't need a new gun, he said, claiming he'd die with his .223 in his hand, but the others all managed to find something to their liking. Lysanna kept her .38 as a side-arm, and purchased a H&K MP5, which Eldridge assured her was small but deadly, and not too difficult to handle, Lara got a "good old" AK-47 ("you get more bang 'cuz yer more experienced"), Phyllis bought a Steyr AUG ("fast, heavy, and good at a distance – cuz ya don't look like yer too keen on standin' on the frontlines") and Cassidy ("shotgun jockey, eh? I got just the thing fer ya") traded his sawn-off for a Benelli M4 Super 90 ("can turn just about any close-range bastard into pulp! Haw haw!"). They spent some more cash on ammunition, and went back out through Eldridge's cage. The entire shopping spree had lasted 'til the evening. Chris' mood had been better in the beginning, but now he was slowly becoming more quiet and distant.
"Let's head back, so you can relax a bit," Lysanna said, squeezing his hand.
"Yeah."
"I can't recall the last time I've sat at a campfire!" Cassidy marveled.
"Probably before the war," Lara replied absently.
"Good one. Your jokes 'ave gone same way as your mood, doll."
Lara didn't reply. She and Cassidy had been the first to get their tents pitched, Lysanna was still wrestling with the tent sail, Phyllis was almost done, and Chris wasn't exactly in the mood to work fast.
"There," Phyllis said, "Done." She threw herself down on the sand. "Nice job on the fire, Lara."
"Thanks."
Cassidy had trudged back to the car and came back with some of the meat they still had left. As he flung the bag on the ground, Chris set himself down, next to Lara.
"Hey," Lara said, surprised.
"Hey. Why so surprised?"
She shrugged. "I kinda got the feeling you were avoiding me."
"Avoiding you?" he repeated. "Why would I?"
"I don't know. Maybe I did something wrong."
He blinked. "What could you have possibly done wrong?"
She poked the fire with a stick. "I don't know." Not being as incredible as Lysanna, I guess.
"Hey um, I might not be the best person to ask, because I don't know you guys all that well, but what's wrong? When we just met, you were bright and cheerful, and now you're all moody. Phyllis said it's got nothing to do with me, but I'm not so sure about that."
Lara sighed. "It doesn't matter. It's something I need to deal with alone. It's nice of you to ask, but you guys can't help me with this. Besides, I don't want to be disruptive or anything."
"Disruptive?"
"Yeah. I don't want anybody to keep my feelings into account in the decisions they make." When he looked at her questioningly, she said, "Look, it doesn't matter. I'll be alright. Large part of it is the fact that I'm just starting to feel the backlash of everything that's happened in the Den."
Chris nodded. "Alright, but if you need anything, you can always talk to me, 'kay?"
She gave a short laugh. "It's nice of you to say, but right now I just need to be on my own." She looked up at him and her dark brown eyes locked with his. "That goes for you too, by the way. I'm kinda in a knot with myself, but this isn't who I am. If you give me some time to untie myself, you'll see I'm not like this all the time."
"I don't need to give you time to see that. You were different when we first met, and I can tell that you're that way because something's bothering you, and that's fine."
"Thanks," she said, "I'm glad you think so."
Phyllis had no longer been able to ignore Lysanna, who was struggling with her tent and getting nowhere, so she'd gotten up and helped Lysanna finally get her shelter up. When they returned, Cassidy had spitted some meat and was roasting it, looking at the chunks with hungry glee. The flickering of the fire danced on his wrinkled face, giving him the look of a voracious demon.
"Finally got your tent pitched, huh?" Lara asked Lysanna, who gave an embarrassed look in return.
"Well, it's not easy if you've never done it before," Phyllis said in her stead.
Lara snorted. "Bet you did it all the time back in Arroyo, right Lysanna?"
Lysanna looked to be on her guard for Lara's barbs, but she answered nonetheless, "No, Lara, most of us have actual houses."
She could see Lara briefly considering shooting another veiled insult, but none came.
Cassidy was proudly passing the roasted meat around, but not after tearing off a huge chunk for himself. He opened his mouth to make another remark about Phyllis' build, but she was one step ahead of him and said, "Don't even think about it," pointing the sharp point of the spit at him. Cassidy's mouth closed, but kept on grinning as he tore shreds off the meat with his teeth. He gulped it down, belched loudly and said, "Sure could go for a smoke."
Lara fished her pack of cigarettes out of the chest pocket of her jacket and threw it at him. Cassidy caught them with the remark, "I bet those cigs are unhappy now that they lost their special place." Lara rolled her eyes.
Chris tossed a sinewy part of his meat into the fire and said, "If you guys don't mind, I'm hittin' the rack. Got a lot of stuff to think about."
"Like Hell you are!" Cassidy protested. "Finally a guy teams up with us, an' he's too scared to see who can drink the most? I don't think so!"
Lysanna shot Chris a "See?"-look.
"Tomorrow, Cassidy, I swear," Chris replied, weary but amused.
Cassidy harrumphed. "What they all say."
"You going to be okay?" Lysanna asked as Chris got up. He nodded.
"Sleep well," Lara said neutrally, staring into the fire.
"What about you guys?" Cassidy said, waving the bottle at them.
Phyllis said hesitantly, "Sure, one or two maybe."
When Cassidy's eyes went to Lysanna, she had to stop herself from looking back at Chris, trudging to his tent. "Uh… yeah, one or two's fine too, I suppose."
"One or two?" Cassidy whined. "Lara… sweetheart… my darlin'… you're not gonna leave a poor old man all alone at his fire, are you?"
Lara clearly didn't feel like drinking, the reluctance showing on her face, but she still said, "Yeah, sure, I'll stay."
"Thank God. I thought I was travellin' with a bunch of nuns for a second," Cassidy exclaimed in relief, passing the bottle to Phyllis.
"I uh, don't have a glass," Phyllis said quietly, as if she knew it was a stupid thing to say.
"A glass? Shit, honey, we've been traveling together long enough now, don'tcha think? None of us got no diseases or nuthin'."
Phyllis looked at the bottle doubtfully, and Lysanna guessed it was her exaggeratedly clean upbringing at Vault City that was protesting in her mind right now. After a moment though, she said, "Ah, what the Hell," and knocked back a mouthful, passing the bottle to Lysanna.
"This is booze from your stash?" Lysanna asked, reading the label.
"Yep," Cassidy said, "Figured it wouldn't be proper to duel with that Wright bottle if he ain't present." He pointed at Chris' tent with his chin.
"Mm," Lysanna agreed, "Guess so," before setting the bottle to her lips. She held the bottle out to Lara, who leaned over to her and took it. Lysanna didn't know what she saw in Lara's eyes. The fire made it difficult to discern, but there was something in her eyes she couldn't quite place. It wasn't sadness or envy, it was something else. Regret maybe. Lysanna hoped so. She'd wanted to have a talk with Lara for a few days already, but as was always the case with those things, the timing and circumstances were never ideal. Tonight seemed like a good moment, but she felt her eyes protesting against a sleepless night and had to suppress an urge to yawn. As if Phyllis felt it too, she got up and said, "I'm going to bed." She wiped the sand off the ass of her bluejeans and walked past the fire to her tent, gently squeezing Lara's shoulder as she passed. Lara looked as though she was fighting the urge to cry. Lysanna had never seen her look so… small, was the best word. She promised herself to make some time for Lara tomorrow, so she could talk to her about what was going on and what had made her feel so bad. But not tonight. Tonight she wanted to lie down, close her eyes and not wake up until the next morning. She didn't know she wouldn't get much sleep that night.
"You guys gonna be okay?" Lysanna said as she pushed herself up from the sand.
"I'm always okay," Cassidy muttered absently.
Lara looked up at her and said quietly, "Yeah, I'll be okay". Her eyes said something different.
Lysanna woke up at the sound of someone tugging at her tent. Neverminding that she only had a t-shirt and panties on, she scooted out of her sleeping bag and snatched up the .38 that she kept in her backpack.
After quickly checking if the gun was loaded (it was difficult to do in the dark), she aimed it at the zipper of her tent. The moon was bright, but the dark blue tent blocked most of the light, and all she could see was a vague shape fumbling with the zipper. Her heart beat hard in her chest, and her belly felt cramped and hard. She'd never shot anyone before, and she wasn't real sure she wanted to either. What if whoever it was came in and she froze? She remembered Cameron and the guys in Tyler's gang, and her mind told herself that she didn't freeze back then, so why should she lock up now? It was no different, except that now she held a revolver instead of a spear. It didn't help. She felt the hairs on her naked skin standing up, and her nipples were so hard they hurt. Finally the zipper opened up and Lysanna pointed the gun's bead right where the shape's head should be.
When she recognized the boots that appeared under the opening zipper, she let out the air she'd built up in her lungs and lowered the gun's barrel. "Dammit Lara, what do you want? I almost shot your ass!" she hissed.
Lara's head appeared below the half-opened zipper. "Hey. Got a minute?"
"I do now," Lysanna replied wearily, chucking the .38 back in her bag and throwing herself back down on her sleeping mat, pulling her sleeping bag back over herself. "Why didn't you say it was you instead of scaring me senseless?"
Lara made an apologetic face. "I was kinda hoping I hadn't woken you up."
Lysanna only gave an irritated groan in response, burying her face in her pillow.
"I'll… leave if you want me to," Lara said quietly, obviously trying to lay on the guilt as heavily as possible.
Lysanna's urge was to scream YES! Get out!and sleep on, but she groaned again and said, "what time is it?"
"Three, I think."
"You think?"
Lara didn't reply, undoing the laces on her boots.
"What're you doing?" Lysanna asked, rubbing the sand from her eyes.
"More comfortable that way," Lara replied flatly.
"Comfortable? What… how… Lara, how much did you drink?"
Lara's eyes innocently went up at the tent sail. "Not that much."
"Liar," Lysanna grated.
Lara sighed and said, "Doesn't matter."
"Lara. What do you want?" Lysanna asked urgently. If she doesn't spit it out now, I'm kicking her out of here and throwing her boots after her.
"To be first. Just once."
"What?"
She kicked her second boot off and laid herself down next to Lysanna. "Chris and you… no use for me hoping anymore, is there?" She asked, staring up at the tent.
"Hoping for what, Lara?"
Lara sighed.
So that was what was going on. Lysanna sighed too and joined her in staring at the tent sail. This obviously wasn't going to be a short chat. "Do you want me to be honest?"
"I'd appreciate it, yeah," Lara said, her tone telling Lysanna what a stupid question she'd asked.
"I think it's going to be something, yeah. If I'd known you were… well, you know, then maybe things would have been different. It's too early to tell, but yeah, I think there's something growing between us."
Lara sniffed loudly.
"I'm sorry, Lara. You can't expect me to ignore my own feelings to spare yours."
Lara's arm snaked toward Lysanna's side and her hand found Lysanna's. "No. I can't expect that. It's just… not easy for me."
Lysanna gave Lara's hand a squeeze. "I know. It's not easy for me either, knowing you'll feel bad if I go through with this." She turned her face toward Lara. It was a blotch of light blue in the dark blue of the tent. Two dark brown eyes looked back at her. "Are you going to be okay?"
Lara nodded. "Guess I'll have to be, huh?"
All Lysanna could say was, "Sorry," again.
Lara turned on her side, toward Lysanna. "No, I'm sorry. Sorry for being such a bitch." The smell of whiskey floated heavily on her breath.
Lysanna yawned and rubbed her eyes. "Don't worry. If I'd known the reason, I'd have been a bit more understanding."
"It's not just about him, you know," Lara whispered. This definitely wasn't going to be a short chat. Lysanna's eyelids ached and tried to push themselves down. Still, she asked, "What do you mean?"
"Fucking story of my life," Lara said, her voice wobbling. "Always close, but no god damn cigar. Always not good enough. There's always one that ups me one." She sighed. "It's gonna go on like this until I fuckin' die. I guess we all get our parts on this stinking stage, and this is mine." Her voice sounded near to breaking. "I'm such a fucking loser."
"Come on, Lara, don't be so negative."
"Hard to be positive at the moment. It's always the same. Maybe I'll tell you what happened someday, but not now." Her hand squeezed Lysanna's and Lysanna wondered if it was voluntary.
"You can tell me whenever you want, Lara, but whatever it is, you're not a loser. You want to know what I thought when we first met?"
"What?"
"I thought, 'this is the strongest woman I've ever seen'. And I still think so. And I don't want this tough chick calling herself a loser."
"Funny," Lara said with a watery laugh. "I thought I was the cool street bitch and you were some stupid tribal chick, but lately, I'm kinda thinking that I'm the stupid bimbo on this ride."
"What? Lara, you're not stupid."
She didn't seem in the mood to argue. "Doesn't matter. I'm glad you think so though."
"Yeah, 'course I think so. And I think I can speak for all of us when I say that."
Lara's other hand went through Lysanna's hair. Lysanna felt her heart picking up speed. "Lara… what are you doing?"
Lara didn't reply, she just moved her face closer to Lysanna's. The smell of whiskey on her breath was overpowering. What the Hell was she doing?
"Lara… what's going on?"
Lara's fingertips went from Lysanna's hair to her shoulder and her eyes locked with hers. "When you asked me what I wanted, I said I wanted to be first, didn't I?"
"Well, yes, but – "
The tips of her fingers slid over the bare skin on her arms and Lysanna felt goosebumps forming where Lara's fingers touched her. "Let me be first. Just once."
"Lara, you're drunk. You're not thinking str – " Lysanna begun, but she cut herself short, sucking in air as Lara's hand went under her T-shirt and cupped her breast. The cold from Lara's hand made her nipple harden painfully.
"I'm drunk, but I'm thinking straight," Lara whispered gently. "Please, just let me have this. Just tonight."
"Your hands are cold," Lysanna tried to protest, but Lara pressed her lips against hers. When Lysanna tried to draw back, Lara simply came forward and her tongue pushed itself through Lysanna's teeth. Her mouth tasted of cigarettes and alcohol. Despite the slightly bothersome taste of cigarettes, Lysanna felt her groin sending waves of heat upwards. The waves intensified when Lara's hand squeezed harder, and before she could protest, Lara's hands had already pulled her T-shirt up, and she looked down at her own naked breasts. It was cold in the tent, but she didn't care about that. Conflicting thoughts went through her. On one hand, she wasn't doing anything wrong, after all, it wasn't as if she was in a relationship yet, but streaks of worrying shot through her head, thinking Lara was probably doing something she'd never have done had she been sober.
When Lara whispered, "You're beautiful," the broad streaks of doubt turned into thin strands. She closed her eyes but still said, "Lara, this is wrong. It feels like you're doing something you're going to regret."
"Don't worry about me," Lara said as she took off her own shirt. Even in the dark of the tent, Lysanna could see that Lara's breasts were much larger. She covered her own with her arms. "I… I feel so… small."
Lara gently pushed her arms away and said again, "You're not. You're beautiful."
When Lara's hand went into her panties, Lysanna's resistance broke and she could only breathe, "Fuck me, Lara, fuck me."
