Chapter 29
Susan sat on the sofa that night, listening to the story that she had pieced together over the last six months. The young couple sitting before her spoke together, laughing and completing each other's sentences- and it was evident that they were being held on the ground by very little. Susan looked in wonder at the sparkle in Anne's eyes, the loving way she would tease Gilbert. Susan had never seen the young doctor so carefree before- he wore a happiness that was almost blinding in its intensity.
When Anne and Gilbert's tale was done, with characteristic briskness Susan proceeded to ask when and where the wedding would be.
Anne looked at Gilbert, and he smiled. "Well, I actually wanted to talk to you about that, but we can do it another time, perhaps," he said lightly. "It's early days yet."
"You may as well discuss it tonight, doctor dear," Susan said comfortably. "I'll go and get some tea for you both."
Anne put out her hand to touch Susan's arm, and smiled.
"Stay for a moment, Susan. We'd like to ask you something before you go. You have been my right hand since I came to the Glen. I couldn't have done any of this without you. We would like to know if you would continue to keep house for us when we are married," Anne said simply.
Susan's face was a sight to behold. It had been the one sore spot in seeing Anne so happily settled, fearing she would need to part from the mistress she adored. "You don't wish to use your housekeeper, doctor?"
Gilbert grinned. "Mrs Leary complains about looking after me- and I'm barely at home at times. She isn't family, Susan- and you've been that to Anne, something I am very grateful for. I do make things more complicated, you should know that. I'm not tidy- I never know when I'm going to have to miss a meal- and I can be called on at any hour of the day or night."
Susan's look was complacent. "I think I can work with that, doctor. And a man should be able to come home to his own house and be made welcome. It will be real good to have some more work to do, in fact- I've always fancied a full house."
Gilbert's smile was huge as he took in his fiancée's sparkling eyes. "So have I."
Susan stood up then, her nod firm. "Well then, I accept. Anne, I trust you will keep me informed."
"We will." The two of them watched her flee the room quickly, and Anne smiled. "She doesn't want us to see her becoming emotional."
Gilbert let out a sigh, his look complacent. "Well, I won't object to some time alone, Anne-girl."
Anne snuggled in to his side. For a time the two were content to be silent, and Gilbert looked into the fireplace thinking long thoughts. When at last he turned to her, she smiled and caressed his cheek, bringing her face close to his own. Despite the embraces they had shared that afternoon, there was a shyness on Anne's face now that melted his heart as she pressed her lips to his softly in the quiet room.
Gilbert stroked her soft cheek, smiling. "What was that for?"
Anne placed her red head against his shoulder, her arms around him tightly. "Because I've dreamed of doing that for so long now. We've spent eight years apart- and I'm not willing to wait any longer."
He chuckled, bending to kiss her again. "You know, I was thinking- we would probably have been married for three and a half years by now."
At this Anne choked in surprise. "That's rather specific-"
"Come on, think about it. If you'd said yes back then, or even if we'd sorted things out after the typhoid, I still had three years of medical school to go."
Anne sighed. "I suppose so."
"But now…" he said, drawing the word out, while tucking her close to him on the lounge- "Now, we don't have to wait."
His hazel eyes held hers as he looked for any hesitancy, but found none. He had only ever dreamed about seeing that look in her grey eyes, and cupped her face with his hands as he kissed her slowly and passionately in the fire-lit room now. The feel of her lips moving with his- the way she pressed herself so close to him showing him just how wanted he was. His heart was thundering in his chest, and he paused then, opening his eyes to see her chest lifting with a quick breath, and grinned. Anne's cheeks were pink, and he kissed the hand that came up to rest on his chest.
"Not waiting sounds wonderful," she said, in a breathless voice that made him laugh in sheer joy. He sobered then, taking her hand in his.
"So we have some decisions to make."
Anne smiled at him. "We do."
Gilbert sat back contentedly with her in his arms. "I suppose you won't be surprised to know I've been thinking about this for months."
Anne chuckled. "Well, one of us should have- I was too afraid to hope that you still cared."
Gilbert snorted, his hand gently brushing a loose curl away from her cheek. "Look, before I even knew that the feelings I had for you were mutual, I was trying to work it all out in my mind."
Anne giggled, a sound that made a goofy grin cover his face. "That sounds very clinical, Gilbert."
He grinned cheekily. "Oh, it was. Very factual. But then- my dreams of you weren't quite so tame."
To his delight he felt her snuggle in to his side further, smiling at the warmth of her cheek against his throat.
"You think of me like that?" she whispered after a minute, and he turned to glance at her in shock.
"Of course I do, Anne- why would that surprise you?"
Anne hedged, her cheeks hot. She gestured to her stick awkwardly.
"I suppose I wondered. I've been out of your world for so long, Gil, I wouldn't have expected-"
Gilbert held their clasped hands close to his chest, and grinned. "The trouble has been trying to not think of you like that all the time- especially after you came here. I always admired you; I was admiring you when you broke your slate over my head." He sighed, laying his head back against the sofa. "I fell in love with you when I was- oh, fifteen or so. When Miss Stacey began teaching us I started to notice it," he said, flushing. "You were growing up right before me, Anne; you were so passionate, and bright and intelligent- and then you would put your nose in the air and snub me-"
"Oh, that's very flattering," Anne muttered, with a grin.
"-and I kept thinking that if I grabbed you and kissed you, you wouldn't be able to ignore me-"
She broke into a laugh. "I never saw that, Gil. After I treated you so terribly- and yes, even I knew I wasn't being fair- you can hardly blame me for thinking that you wouldn't notice me that way."
Gilbert's hand came up to rub the back of his head sheepishly. "I was doing everything I could to make sure you didn't notice, actually. It was a bit inconvenient at times."
His look was embarrassed, and Anne smiled, hiding her face from him. "I do understand." Gilbert gave her an odd look, and she smiled self-consciously. "Five years of teaching high school boys in a co-educational facility was eye-opening. I had a lot of respect for the things that boys go through after that."
He chuckled, then. "When you came here I thought I was beyond all of that turmoil- and then suddenly I saw you, and all my dreams were filled with you again."
Anne looked at him in wonder. "Really, Gil?"
He laughed then. "Like you wouldn't believe. It was anything but proper."
"If I'm honest, neither were mine."
Gilbert's eyebrows flew up, and he met Anne's twinkling look. "Really?"
"Well, if you won't tell me yours, I am hardly likely to tell you mine," Anne countered, an angelic look on her face.
Gilbert rubbed a hand over his face with a grin. "Anne-girl, I don't think I should right now. Soon, though, I'll tell you everything. How soon?"
Anne smiled. "Until we marry? I would say tomorrow if it weren't for the fact that those who love us would be less than thrilled at the idea of us eloping."
Gilbert gave a shudder. "My parents- not to mention Diana- would kill me. No, we need the full wedding- everyone has certainly waited long enough for it."
Anne's look was hesitant then. "Do you think that your parents will be happy for us?"
Gilbert snorted. "Well, my mother will cry," he said to Anne conversationally. "No, not the way you think, darling- she will cry on you. Actually, on both of us. There won't be enough handkerchiefs to dry the mess."
Anne gave a choked laugh. "Will she be so very distraught?"
He gave her a serious glance then, one that made her eyes soften. "Quite the opposite. Anne, you probably don't realise this- but my mother does. You brought me home again." Anne looked up at him in disbelief, and he sighed. "She tried to tell me to talk to you back in February. I only wish I had- we could have had these months together then. She knew what I was running from- and she knew how much I'd hurt you."
Anne's voice was subdued, and she shook her head. "And how much I'd hurt you."
Gilbert opened her palm, and laced his fingers through hers- studying the hands that he had always hoped would one day reach for him. He continued soberly. "I've realised how awful I've been over the years to my parents- who sacrificed everything for a dream of mine that they never got to take part in. You know that I didn't go home much. But even when they would come to me, I wouldn't talk to them openly- I was bitter, and morbid and selfish."
Anne studied his face thoughtfully. "No, I don't think you could have been, Gil."
"Anne, you don't know what I was like," he said flatly. "I wasn't there for them. I was so busy wallowing that I didn't-"
She pulled herself up to kiss him tenderly. When she moved away, he saw the tears in her eyes. "I know. I was like that too. But I know you, Gilbert Blythe- and I think you have been beating yourself up for those mistakes for a long time now. It's over. We will be there for them," Anne stated firmly.
He smiled, oddly emotional at her last words. "You said we."
She rested against the crook of his neck with a sigh. "Well, unless you have a different definition of marriage that I do, I meant 'we'."
He exhaled in contentment. "My parents will be over the moon, sweetheart, they love you- they always did. Do you know what my mother said after the slate incident?"
Anne looked at him curiously. "No, you never told me."
"For a reason," he said drolly. "She said to my father 'now, that's more like it,'"
Anne's eyebrows flew up. "She wanted a strange orphan to hit her only son?"
Gilbert's look was cheerful. "She wanted him taken down a peg, yes. We stayed in New Brunswick with some of her family on the way home from Alberta- and I may have been a bit of a pill to my cousins. And they were so nice to me too- they knew what we'd been through with Dad, and just took it. Mother was mortified- she told me she thought I was more grown up than that. You stopped that, Anne-girl. You didn't put up with any disrespect, and as upset as Dad was, he was impressed with you. Even before he knew that you belonged to Marilla."
When Susan bustled into the room with the tray, her look was complacent. "There you both are, and I added some of the lemon tarts you made this morning, Anne. White tea with one sugar, doctor? I suppose there's quite a lot to be discussed, now that you've decided things. Have you figured out where the wedding will be? Are you planning on traveling to your home town for it?"
Anne looked at Gilbert with a conscious smile. "Oh- we haven't actually talked about it yet, Susan."
"Just what have you been talking about all this time?"
Gilbert cleared his throat, attempting to remain sober. "Er- logistics, Susan. We will try and get some answers for you soon, though."
Susan straightened up, her eyes narrowed. "Do try and make some decisions this evening, won't you? We have quite a lot of work to do if we want to get you married before the fall cleaning is to be done."
She left the room, and Anne began to laugh. "And she would manage it, too."
"If it speeds up our wedding, I won't complain," Gilbert commented with a shrug. He turned to her then, his smile wide. "Shall I tell you some of the things I've been thinking?"
Anne put her feet onto the sofa beside her, resting against his side, perfectly content to simply be with him. "Of course."
Gilbert slipped his arm around her waist, his face turning into her copper curls. "Well, I was thinking that we need a house."
"We have two, Gil."
Gilbert chuckled. "Yours is part of your contract, sweetheart- something else we will need to discuss soon. And mine is not one I would choose to raise a family in- and certainly not one I want you struggling with." Anne gave him a bewildered look, and he rolled his eyes. "It's cold, it's dreary, and has no imagination about it at all. Now, you can't live in a place like that. I've been thinking that I want to buy a house for us."
"Our home, Gil," Anne said softly, and chuckled. "Not five hours ago, I should have considered it impossible."
Gilbert raised one eyebrow, aggrieved. "I thought I was being unmistakable with my intentions, Anne-girl. I don't ride off into the woods with just anyone on my horse, you know. You really didn't guess?"
Anne chuckled, her face expressive. "In retrospect, perhaps, Gilbert. I was so determined not to read into anything- I felt grateful to be in your world, and wasn't about disturb what we had to ask for anything else."
He pressed his lips to her smooth forehead, and sighed. "You never left my world, Anne. You showed me that- and you showed me just how stuck in the past I was. I tried so hard to remain impartial, to not get swept away in what had been- but it was you. Beautiful, intelligent and fiery you." He smiled at the way she snuggled in to his side, and turned at her query.
"Should I have told you on the shore that day, Gil?" Anne asked. "Should I have told you everything then?"
Gilbert stretched his legs out comfortably and smiled. "It was only two weeks ago, Anne. I think I needed the extra time to adjust, if I'm being honest- I'd been running hard from how I felt for so long." His look was distant, and he was silent for a time. "We've never talked about my first proposal, have we?" At Anne's worried look, Gilbert shook his head. "It's all right. It's part of our story- but I've been kicking myself for how stupid I was back then."
She sat up then indignantly. "You were not! That is terribly insulting-"
Gilbert disarmed her and took her hands in his earnestly. "Anne, honestly, were you ready for me then?" Her face fell, and after a moment she shook her head. "You were trying to tell me that, Anne, but I wasn't listening. Besides the fact that I had five years of school ahead of me- assuming I could afford to go to medical school. Was I going to ask you to wait for that long? How was I planning to support you if we decided not to wait? What did you want?" At the look of shock on her face, Gilbert continued gently. "That's right. I didn't even know that. I didn't have a clue. The fact is that I was blinded by desire, I was blinded by terror- I was so afraid to lose you, that I pushed on, regardless of what could happen to us."
"But if I'd known-"
"But you didn't. You're not to blame for that, Anne. I should have heard you better. And after what you told me that day on the shore- that all those years ago you were actually jealous of Christine-" he said wonderingly.
Anne frowned. "Who, to be fair, was stunning, and you seemed very taken by her." Anne sat up then, indignantly. "Gil, was she really engaged the whole time she was with you?"
He shrugged uneasily. "I knew that from Ronald's correspondence, long before I even met her. She told me that everyone knew."
Anne quirked one auburn eyebrow. "Gilbert, if Philippa Gordon didn't know, no one knew. She knew every bit of gossip that floated around Redmond, most of the time before it even happened."
"Except the fact that I was 'supposed to' be with Christine," Gilbert shot back. "Anne, Phil and I had classes together- she could have asked me for the truth at any time. We were friends, once."
Anne moved close to his beloved face, unafraid of his momentary ire- which she promptly dissolved with a well-aimed kiss on his chin. "She was as convinced as I was, Gil- and you need to let go of that. She and her husband, the Reverend Jonas will be attending our wedding, sir."
"I think I met him once or twice- he seemed like a nice enough fellow."
Anne nodded, smiling. "You should have seen their wedding; it was fit for royalty- and Phil hated every moment of it. She wanted something simpler, I believe."
Gilbert pulled her close, smiling. "Simple sounds perfect, I think. Well, I will look forward to seeing her then. And contrary to all gossip, I was never interested in Christine like that- to be honest, between work for the Cooper and trying to avoid seeing you with Roy, I didn't see her all that often in our last year."
"I'm sorry," Anne whispered, holding Gilbert tightly.
"Don't be. We must have needed to go through that, somehow." He gave a sigh, and kissed her cheek. "I'm only glad that we have a now."
Anne was silent for a time, her head resting against his shoulder. When he felt her yawn, Gilbert started guiltily. "Anne, I'm sorry- it's been a big day. I should let you get some rest."
Anne sat up quickly, her hand grasping his wistfully. "No, please don't go, Gil. It's the first day of our happiness- I want it to last just a little longer."
Gilbert smiled. "Sweetheart, my happiness began that day at the shore, when I started to realise that you cared." At her unexpected laughter, Gilbert turned to Anne in amusement. "Is there something wrong with that assessment?"
"It's the scope of the understatement, that's all, Gilbert. I wanted to tell you then- I wanted to tell you as soon as I first saw you."
He stared back at her, his look suddenly anxious. "At Andrew's?"
Anne raised her hand to cup his cheek tenderly and nodded. "I only needed to see your face to realise that there would be no getting over you," she said honestly. "Even when you were angry, even when it looked like you were unforgiving, I was going to love you anyway."
"I'll never forgive myself for what I said to you," Gilbert muttered, pulling away a little.
Anne sighed. "No. You need to, Gil." He looked up in confusion, and her voice was firm. "We can torture ourselves forever like this- but why?" she asked him. "Nothing will remove the last eight years. We were wrong- we were stubborn, and proud and misinformed and hurt and unforgiving- but that isn't now. We have a lifetime together to make up for every day we spent apart. Your mother was right- forgiving each other wasn't the problem- it was ourselves that we couldn't forgive."
When she kissed his cheek softly, he looked into eyes that glowed with tenderness and smiled. "I know." He chuckled then. "You know, all I needed to know was that you felt something for me," he said slowly. "That's all I was waiting for. I wanted to know what happened, yes, it was important for us to move on- but I just needed to know that you cared."
Anne turned to him then, her face close to his own. "I did. I knew that I loved you when you were ill- and nothing ever changed that."
Gilbert spoke after a short silence. "Anne, something really bothered me, this afternoon," he said bluntly. "You said that when you realised it- that you didn't want to live if I wasn't going to." He saw her sigh, and swallowed. "It almost sounded like you were- like you were actually thinking about-" he stumbled over unwelcome thoughts, and looked back at her pleading. "You were never like that, Anne- not when Matthew died, you never gave up. I know that you felt things strongly, but it was so unlike you to react that way, and I didn't know if you were exaggerating, or if you really felt like that—"
Anne rested her cheek against his shoulder, her hand touching his chest to feel the steady beat of his heart. After a time she answered him quietly. "No, Gil. I wasn't exaggerating." When he pulled away in pain, she met his eyes clearly. "I had no warning, Gil. None at all. When I came home from Echo lodge and learned that you were dying, I understood in a single moment what it would mean to me if you did. That I loved you. I'd been blind, and so very foolish. There was a storm, that night, did you know that?"
He gave a faint smile as she brushed the hair back from his forehead, and shook his head.
"It raged all night- and so did I," Anne said simply. "Inside, I mean. I could only see emptiness if you were to go- and you wouldn't even have known that it was me you were leaving." Gilbert watched her, motionless. "I didn't mean that I would have- well, what was it Hamlet said? To take arms against a sea of troubles and end them?" He flinched at the idea, his arms coming around her waist tightly. "I wasn't thinking like that, Gilbert. It was about me simply giving up."
"You shouldn't have been like that over me," he said, pulling back in anger, and she met his look evenly.
"At me ruining everything? I think I had as much right as you ever did to punish myself. When- when I went to you, that was a blow I wasn't ever going to be ready for. But it wasn't until Josie spoke to me that I saw the utter scale of the mess that I'd made. And I did give up- for a time." She took his face in her hands, and looked at him lovingly. "But however I felt, I couldn't stop living. I went to Summerside. I stumbled onto a house in Spooks Lane- and yes, that is real- and I found a home there. They didn't ask me why I had arrived early for the school term, they just welcomed me into their hearts. And slowly, I began to make a new life there." Anne smiled in remembrance. "Eventually, the pain became less acute, and I could push it out of sight- all except in my dreams. In them, you lived on."
Gilbert held her tightly in his arms. The journey they had both been on was so similar- she could have been describing his own. He bent to kiss her and held her green-grey eyes for a moment. "We're together now," he said simply. "And you're right- it's not the time for regrets. We've been there for too long."
Anne chuckled. "And now we're talking weddings and houses."
"Our wedding, Anne." He grinned at her then. "Shall we go home next weekend and tell everyone in person?"
Anne froze. "Oh- you mean us going to Avonlea?"
He pulled away and studied her face, and then frowned. "Anne, I felt that, you know."
"Felt what?"
He gave her the look Anne had come to know every well, that of the stern clinician. "The way you became tense as soon as I mentioned Avonlea. Tell me what you're thinking."
She pulled away from him gently, and he sat back to watch her. "It's May, Gilbert."
Gilbert frowned. "Yes…"
"In just a few days, it will have been a year since Marilla died," Anne said softly.
Gilbert's eyes had closed in chagrin. "Oh, sweetheart."
She spoke slowly. "I know that I need to go back. I need to go through the remaining things from the house- and I need to say goodbye. I should- I should go. I was going to go back this summer."
He nodded, running gentle hands over her shoulders. "We still can, if you like. Did you want us to be married there?"
She shook her head, a little tear glistening in her eye. "No. I don't. I want to be married here," she said softly. "This is where we started again- this is home now." She drew in a shaking breath. "We would go back together?" she asked through a tight throat.
Gilbert bent to kiss her softly, needing to reassure her. "I'll be with you, sweetheart. I'll come to the house, I'll be with you every step of the way. If I thought Di would let me, I'd camp outside your room at night. And I'll come to the graveyard with you- just like I did with Matthew."
Anne's face fell. "I- I haven't been there," she said softly. "Not since the funeral. I- it was so cold in the winter, and I wasn't sure-" she gestured to her leg, and he sighed.
He bent down to look at her. "It's up to you, love. I think it would be good for us to go- but we won't unless you are ready." At her nod, he smiled. "Anne, I want to be able to tell the folks we love that our wedding will be soon. I want to see how happy they are, and rejoice with them. And this way we can face the inevitable Avonlea gossip together- give them something good to say, for once. And I wouldn't mind having a few words with Josie Pye."
Anne grimaced. "Neither would I."
Gilbert grinned at her wickedly. "The best revenge is living well, they say. Although I wouldn't mind rubbing her nose in our happiness too."
Anne met his hazel eyes, her own softening at his tenderness. "Then let's go home," she said softly. "You're right- we shouldn't write about this. The people we love deserve to celebrate with us."
Gilbert smiled at her, leaning in to kiss her- and in that kiss was his promise.
When the evening had grown late, and Susan had long since put herself to bed, Anne and Gilbert walked to the front door as they had done so often of late. There was a new tension in the air now though, and Gilbert now drew her close to him and kissed her as he had always wanted to do.
"I love you, Carrots," he whispered, his curls brushing against her own. "Anne, you've made me happier today than I ever thought I could be."
Anne's arms came around his neck, and she looked up into his hazel eyes with confidence. "And I love you, dearest." She moved back slightly to see him with a smile. "You know, I do feel a little guilty that we have no plans set as yet."
He smiled at her then. "I think it's alright to take some time just for us, Anne-girl. If you and I are together, everything else will simply fall into place."
