A/N: Oh my goodness! The world must be ending because this little fic here is officially complete. Such an arduous adventure it has been and now the last sentences are being typed and the final periods added. This was my first story here on fanfiction and it was certainly an interesting experience. If you made it this far, thank you. Special shout out to AcceptableFormOfSchizophrenia who's been here with me since the beginning. You are the Alice to my Jasper and the Fred to my George, chick. Always remember that.

Disclaimer: You're still writing? I thought this whole thing was over.

In your dreams.

Ugh. Why must we do this every time!

Now you just sound like an old man. Did you take your pills this morning?

Whatever. Just say it and let me get back to my bran flakes.

I don't own Twilight.

And stay off my lawn!

Songs: Can't Stop-Maroon 5

The End-My Chemical Romance


Chapter 30: An Alien's Last Joke

This is probably coming as a surprise to you. It was to me. I just...realized all the mistakes I've made in life, all the times I screwed up and never thought to pick-up the pieces...well, they all affected you. Of course I knew this then too, I just... Jesus. I'm terrible at writing. So I'm hoping you could call me. My number is 555-361-5622. I'm still married to Phil and we're living in Jacksonville, Florida. We would love it if you could visit, but I understand if you don't want to. If you decide to come, you can bring anyone you want. Anyways, call me. I'd love to catch up.

Always,

Renee.

This is the email that greeted me on Monday the 21st of August, twenty four days before my wedding. I wondered why she chose now to contact me after such long silence. She didn't even say goodbye to me when I left. She'd been going to one of Phil's games or something. I couldn't really remember. What I did remember was her absence, and though at the time many things had eclipsed that (handsome strangers for one), it had still stung to know that the tedious relationship I'd had with Renee was really over.

When I had been younger, it was a little different. Of course, Renee was not idyllic or quintessential as far as mothers go, but she had a lot of beliefs and romantic ideas about life and love which she passed on to me. She would stay up late with me some nights, creating her own fairy tales that made me dream big, and then on weekends we'd go shopping in down town and get new dresses and make-up and ice cream. And damn, that ice cream was good.

Anyway, she started drifting away from me after a while, around the time I turned eight, whether from some great love affair that just ended or she finally realized I was not the daughter she thought I would be. I missed those shopping days, the fairy tales and ice cream, because those were the little hints I had that maybe, just maybe, Renee loved me. I still had no proof, and from the moment I left her house I had chosen to make peace with that.

But this email sat sublimely in front of me, the possibilities endless, open ended questions about the motives behind her silence, her indifference, only an email away from being answered. So I called her. And she answered. And I briefly wondered if I should have told someone about this, Edward or Emmett, but I knew this was my thing that I needed to take care of on my own. Because back then, my own was all I had.

"Renee?"

"Bella? Bella! Oh I'm so happy you called. You got my email."

"Yes I..." It was weird hearing her voice, a voice of the past like the echo in the mountains, vague and haunting; it made my nose prickle and my throat ache with an unbidden emotion I was certainly not prepared for. "I did," I continued in a smaller voice. "It was...surprising, to say the least."

"I figured it would be." Her own voice was quiet too, quiet and somber, an un-Renee sort of voice.

"Did you want to visit or..." I didn't answer at first and she must've been worried because the next thing I knew, she was off on a wild tangent with much more gusto, much more passion, and she sounded like herself again. "Of course you don't want to. I expected that. Phil said not to get my hopes up. I mean, after everything that happened. Everything I put you through! I don't even know what happened to me, but the next thing I know, it's over five years later and I'm in Florida with my husband and I'm thinking 'Renee, what did you do?' I understand Bella, I do. You probably hate me, but I—"

"No, I don't." I finally said.

"You don't?" She was shocked. She was hopeful. She was Renee.

"I did once...when I found out about Emmett. But my life is good now. I'm happy. And if things had been different back then, different between us, well, I don't know if I'd be this happy."

"Happy," she breathed and I think she was smiling, I think she may have even been crying.

"Happy," I agreed. "And I think it would be good for me to come. But I'll have to talk it over with someone. I can bring someone, right?"

"Absolutely," she said, a little curiosity mingled in her tone. I was glad she refrained from asking questions because I was not in the mood to answer them. She laughed. "Hell, you can bring as many people as you want. Phil's loaded. We just bought a mansion with twenty rooms!"

How very Renee. It sounded exactly like what she needed, exactly like what she had wanted and could never attain. She was lucky and I guess she knew it. "That's nice," I said finally. "When should I get the tickets for?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. Phil will take care of it. They'll probably be for in a week or two. Just email me how many you need."

"OK. Thank you."

"No, thank you. This means everything, Bella. Really. I'm sorry. For everything. I'm trying to change. Things can be different."

"OK." I didn't know if I should believe her. I didn't know what to do. But I knew that I needed to see her and that calling her had been a good idea. For now, that was enough.

"And Bella? If you talk to Emmett, tell him I'm sorry, too."


Edward would return home from his piano lessons every weeknight around eight. He was a piano teacher at a music studio in Port Angeles, and though we weren't used to commuting or distance, we made it work. It was nice having something outside each other to be passionate about, to deal with by ourselves and create things perhaps inspired by the other, but blissfully away from the other. He had his music and I had my art and we had each other. It was a good sort of away, an away that made us happy to see each other again.

So at eight o'clock, Edward would open the door and he'd be singing some song that I'd have to guess the artist of. Then we would engage in a kiss exclusive to the mood we were in. If I missed him, it would be a slow and yearning sort of exchange that reminded me he was, in fact, there. If he missed me, it was usually a lot rougher and intense like he couldn't get enough and nothing would be enough until we were in bed, undressed, under the covers. If I was excited about something, I'd attack him, my legs around his waist and hands in hair, trying to press my joy into him. If he was happy, it would be like VJ Day, him bending me down to plant a loud smack upon my surprised, and very pleased, lips. Sometimes it was a distracted, no nonsense type of kiss, an 'it's nice you're here because I have something to say' sort of kiss.

Today was a no nonsense type of kiss, because I was certainly distracted and certainly had something to say and...I was a little worried. Edward would most likely not approve of this whole thing. Why? Because he was a cruel sadistic boyfriend who would not let me go anywhere without getting his permission, for I was his and his alone! Ha. Ha ha. Yeah. Right. That might be a hot role play during the sex but that wasn't it. No, the real reason why he wouldn't approve was because he knew what I'd been through. And he hated it. Everything he did now, for me, to me, always thinking about me, was to bring a happiness, a humor, to my life that had previously been neglected. Edward was good. And he tried to protect me from everything out there that wasn't good. He found it his responsibility and his failure if anything bad entered my life, and while I loved him for it, life wasn't always about the good. Sometimes it was about falling and tripping and stumbling along (which I did plenty of the time) and learning how to get back up. I had been dormant for a while about my trials with Renee. I had never gotten back up. This was the time to do that. But Edward wouldn't see it that way.

"Can't believe I could think that she would just follow me everywhere I go, I just wrestle with you in my dreams and wake up making love to a pillow..."

I was sitting on the couch reading when he came home, which was certainly normal, but when I saw his face I was feeling crappy and guilty and kind of doomed. I bit my lip and then tried to smile. "Um...Jason Mraz?"

He blinked and furrowed his brow at me. "Are you kidding?"

I squinted my eyes, taking a deep breath. "Is that wrong? Huh. Is it John Mayer?"

He sat on the couch and I gave him my no nonsense kiss which was a simple peck, very chaste, and probably very disappointing. Yesterday when I had mixed my colors just right and produced the best shade of purple ever, I almost tackled him to the ground with my smooches of smitten success. How's that for alliteration? "Bella, you never guess my songs wrong. What's up?"

I grimaced. "I might have done something today that you won't like."

He smiled slightly. "What, did you get your belly button pierced or something? Cause I gotta tell you, dear, I'm not entirely opposed to the idea. It's kind of hot."

I laughed lightly, a little more relaxed. "No. That's not it. I um...I got an email today... From my mother."

And there it was, ladies and gentleman. There was that expression of tightly restrained emotion. His jaw was clenched and his brow was furrowed and he was no longer thinking of belly button piercings. If only... "And what did it say?" he asked, eying me warily.

I licked my lips. "She said she was sorry for everything and wanted me to call her."

His nostrils flared. "And did you?"

"I did. It was...good."

"It was good?" He was shocked and aggravated, running a hand through his hair to further dishevel it. "How in the hell was it good?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. It was nice, I guess. To hear from her. To know that I still had a mother out there."

He rolled his eyes. "You do have a mother, Bella. Esme is—"

"Kind and sweet and more than a mother to me than Renee ever was. I know that. But Edward, this is more than that. This is more than having surrogate parents and surrogate siblings and a future husband on the way."

He narrowed his eyes. "OK... I'm sensing I haven't heard the whole story."

"Well...she wants me to visit her. In Jacksonville." Stare at the couch. Stare at the coffee table. Stare at the ceiling. Stare at anything that does not have ridiculously pretty bronze hair and ridiculously expressive green eyes and a ridiculously protective temper.

"What?" He lurched out off the seat and stared at me and I stared at anywhere but him.

"Yeah..."

"Please tell me you said no." I was silent and he groaned in frustration, sinking to the chair opposite me.

"You can't go back to her Bella. You can't be serious."

I sighed, knowing this wasn't going to be easy but feeling suddenly tired. "Look. I know that she was kind of awful, but isn't life about second chances?"

"Not for people who have treated you like shit. They don't deserve it."

I smiled. "Well that's sweet but not very realistic."

"I don't want to be realistic. But fine. Try this. What do you think is going to happen? That she's suddenly going to become the mother you always wanted?"

"Of course not."

"You'll have another Alice or Rose to pal around with?"

"Come on, Edward. You know that's not it."

"Then what? What? What could you possibly want from that woman?"

Suddenly I felt small and fifteen, back to the girl I had been but less than that. A shell of her, because back then I had thought I knew everything, thought I was invincible, the black knight from Monty Python who could take anything, even when people cut my limbs off. I had since learned that living life meant you knew even less, meant you sometimes were too weak to get up without the help of someone else. "We can't all have an Esme and Carlisle, Eddie. We can't all have a secured childhood with constant people, come from two people who love us no matter what. I have everything I need in life, I have you and the group and the parents. And I'm lucky. But sometimes I wonder...why I wasn't enough."

It was silent for a minute and I stared stubbornly at my fuzzy, warm socks. They were kind of awesome sauce, green and blue striped things mixed with hot pink, yellow, and purple polka-dots. And they were infused with lotion! Like walking on rainbows, my friend. Take that Fredric O'Piggle!

Suddenly I was being attacked. Where is the pepper spray when you need it? But it was only Edward of course, so it didn't matter too much. His arms were holding me, secure and warm and his eyes were intent, locked with my own, loving, soft. I blushed under the gaze, which was probably ridiculous after everything we'd been through, but the man was so damn sweet and caring that I felt naked underneath him, bare beneath him...even in my sweats and rainbow socks.

"You have always been enough, Bella." His whisper was quiet and genuine and I felt beautiful...even in my sweats and rainbow socks. Bare and beautiful. Only Edward. Only Edward could make me feel that way. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his shoulder. He sighed and buried his head into the crook of my shoulder. "You are more than enough, Bella. You're everything. And if anyone can't see that... They aren't worth it." It was quiet for a beat or two. "But I get it. I think. I mean, you're right. I don't know what it's like not to have that unconditional love. I don't know what I would do without it. But I support you. I'm OK with it."

"You do?" I asked quietly, hopefully. "You are?"

He smiled slightly, shifting so his legs rested to my side and tangled with my own. "Yes. I can't deny you anything, can I? But I have one condition."

"Name it."

"I'm going with you."

"Well, of course."

"And—"

"There's more?"

"Well, yeah. Isn't there always?"

"You said one condition."

"You were already planning on taking me anyway."

I huffed. "Fine. Name your second condition."

He fixed me with a stern stare. "The others are coming, too."

"What?"

"Yep. Don't fight it, love. You said this was bigger than the group, but without them we wouldn't be here. We need them."

I sighed, taking this in. It would be nice to have them there, even if it was kind of selfish.

"And before you say anything, this is not selfish. They would want to be there and Alice wouldn't let you leave without her anyway. Not with all the wedding plans to take care of."

That was certainly true. I shivered at the idea of telling Alice I'd be taking off three weeks before the wedding to visit long lost family. She'd shove the veil up my ass and I'm not kidding.

"Fine."

"Thank you." He kissed my nose and we settled for the evening, which meant watching a bad movie on TV and sucking face when we got bored. He was doing some lovely things to my neck when I realized it.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, slapping my hand to my forehead.

"What?" he asked, very distracted with his current task. Men.

"Maroon 5!"

"What?" he asked again, finally stopping to look at me with incredulous eyes.

"That's who you were singing."

He nodded, smirking. "Very good. Ten points to Gryffindor."

Hmph. Well then. Jerk. Phrase-stealing jerk. But what a lovely jerk he was! Especially when he continued doing those lovely things to my neck. Ten points to Gryffindor, indeed.


I boarded the plane about to send us back to Forks after our week in Florida and laughed. "Eddie, look at this!"

"What?" he followed my gaze and grinned because we had the seats in the very back that didn't recline, just like in the beginning. "Should we reenact the moment, or just revel in it?"

"I don't know," I replied slowly. "I'm a tad different from my teenage self—"

"I'll say," he murmured, grabbing me around the waist. He was very firmly pressed against me as wewalked down the aisle and let me tell you, I certainly felt like a woman.

"I may not deliver as great a performance. And you're not as emo. Might shatter our romantic notions about the moment."

"I'm plenty emo. You're just used to it now."

"Can we move it along here? I'm not getting any younger!" Emmett whined. I swear that boy hadn't changed a bit since I came to live in Forks…. I take that back, he had changed. He was even more immature.

"Dude, this is like where me and Eddie-boy met. We have to take a trip down memory lane here."

Emmett blinked. He glanced at the plane, he glanced at the seats we would be sitting in, and then he glanced at me. "Here? Really? That's just depressing. And Edward looks totally pale in these lights. How did you dig that shit?"

I smiled. "It wasn't hard."

"Actually, I was very hard," Edward disagreed and I blushed and stared directly ahead.

"Oh Jesus. I'm letting you marry her, Ed. Why do you have to go and make me regret it?"

"And I have to agree with him," Alice chirped behind Emmett. "You look ass-ugly in this lighting Edward."

He frowned at me. I frowned at him. He looked just as dazzling as he always did. And I told him so. "And my opinion is the only one that matters," I told him, righteously.

"Agreed," he said and placed a lovely kiss upon my lips.

"Jesus!" Emmett exclaimed, shielding his eyes.


"Hello!" I said in a cheery voice once I took my seat, "and welcome to the most comfy seats on the plane! Seriously, man, this is butt heaven."

Edward tried not to smile and cocked an eyebrow. "Butt heaven. How poetic."

I nodded seriously. "Move over Shakespeare."

He shook his head, laughing. "Alright dear, I give. This is too surreal."

"Told ya. Nothing can compete with that moment."

"You're right, hon."

"And I always will be."

"For as long as we both shall live."

"Oh my God!" Rosalie muttered, taking the seat in front of us. "Shouldn't you guys be saving the sappy shit for after the wedding. You only have two weeks. Try to hold out until your honeymoon."

"Honeymoon!" Edward and I cheered, slapping five and attracting the attention of several others on the plane.

"Must you do that every time?" asked Jasper, cringing when the scary biker dude glared at him for disrupting his sleep. But seriously, who sleeps before lift-off?

"Hell yeah!" I crowed. "The weddings fine, whatevs. Lovely and loving and we'll get tons of stuff. But come on, the honeymoon is our reward for making it through all the festivities."

"We can go anywhere!" Edward pitched in.

"Do anything!"

"Do each other."

"Really Edward!" Emmett exclaimed. "You have no idea how much that bums me out."

"Oh make out with Rose or something and leave us alone. You're just jealous married folk who will never again witness the wonders of honeymoon," I snapped.

"Honeymoon!" Edward cheered and we high-fived again. Then he frowned. "This feels weird."

"Why?"

He grinned. "Cause, you should be here." And he pulled me into his lap, just like old times.

I shook my head at him. "This is weird, you know. I feel sort of ridiculous."

"That's what you're supposed to feel! We're in love, we're young, we have our whole lives to feel exactly like this."

"Great. Perpetual idiocy. Count me in."

He nodded solemnly. "Now. Tell me. How was the talk with Renee? You haven't said anything about it."

"That's because I knew you would blow your lid if you heard anything you didn't like. And she may live in a mansion, but I don't think anyone can ignore the sound of Edward Cullen's wrath."

"Bella," he warned and I glanced around, noticing the others were listening as well, so I dived into my tale without further ado.


"He's kind of great, Bella. They all are," Renee said, quietly. We were sitting on her big-ass deck, watching the boys throw around a football and Alice and Rose cheering them on. I use that phrase lightly. They were suntanning in their bikinis, which only distracted Emmett and Jasper (suckers!), allowing Edward to pretty much dominate the game (that's right, bitches!). Anyway, I had personally opted out of the suntan experience, because though sun was lovely and whatever, I did not find it at all appealing to show that much skin, and trust me, I have sunbathed before and nothing happens. Seriously. The sun must hate me for how pale I am. For me, sunbathing hardly works, but sunburning works entirely too well. Just call me Larry the Lobster. I'm sure we'd have much in common, given the chance to meet.

I smiled at Renee, glancing at her through my epic sunglasses that were bright pink. Whoever invented big obnoxious sunglasses was a certifiable genius, I think. Given the amount of people wearing them in Florida, they were probably reaping the benefits as we speak. "Yes. They're everything."

The vacation was kind of strained, as I knew it would be. A trillion gay babies must have been born after all the awkwardness of introducing my pals to the woman who had made my childhood miserable. Drat Edward for making them come! This was the first moment the group had put their guard down and let me actually talk to her, and we only had two days left before going back.

She half-smiled, as though thinking the same thing. "The little one, Alice, she gives me death glares every time I enter a room."

I tried not to laugh and nodded in fake-sympathy. "That does sound like her. Aly's my best friend and she's freakishly protective. So don't cross her."

"The only thing that made her stop was when her husband came in and told her to relax—"

"Gotta love Jasper. He's actually the only really sane one in the group."

"And then he gave me the, I'm-watching-you sign as he backed out of the room."

OK, I had to laugh at that.

Renee turned to look at me with wide blue eyes. "And I'm gonna be honest, Bella. His sister terrifies me. She's like a momma bear protecting her cub. If I so much as glance at you, she pretty much snarls and growls."

I glanced at Rose affectionately. "She's kind of always been that way. Especially with me since I was the last one to join the group and the most...innocent. She's the big sister I never had." I paused for a beat and glanced back at Renee. "And how's Emmett been?" I kind of knew the answer. I kind of knew how they all would be, but Emmett was the most worrisome really, because he was as much Renee's kid as I was, without the...ah...privilege of knowing her.

Renee sighed. "He'll never forgive me. And I certainly don't expect him to. I know I can't." She stopped and took in a deep breath. "He won't really talk to me. Did he even want to come?"

I licked my lips, wondering how I should phrase it. "Yes he did. But mostly to pr—"

"To protect you," she finished. "Yes. I understand. But, you know, the worst of them is Edward."

"What?" I stared at her, brow furrowed, and yeah, maybe a little ticked because Edward had been a saint the entire time. He was polite and cordial to Renee and the only one out of all the group to actually engage in conversation with her.

She laughed at my expression. "Oh Bella, don't get me wrong. He's perfect for you. He's kind of perfect in general. I don't know how you managed to land your own Phil. It took me years to find mine! I'm sort of jealous."

"So how is Edward the worst?"

Renee pondered a moment, watching Edward laugh and shake his head at something vulgar Emmett was saying. "He's so guarded, like he's just waiting for me to mess up and hurt you. Whenever I'm around, he always has to have you close in his arms. He's like a human snuggie!"

I laughed outright, shaking my own head at the thought, and then I looked up, caught his gaze and grinned at him. He smiled back, somewhat cautiously, and I knew that the entire time he had been playing with the guys, he had also been keeping an eye on us. It was always a dream to have such a great man love me and everything, but sometimes his protectiveness was exhausting. It took every ounce of my patience to get him to agree to let me have at least one moment with Renee alone. And trust me, I know how weird it sounds, having to get your fiance's permission to hang out with your mother. It was like some strange alternate universe. (But hey, this is fanfiction! It works.) I took a deep breath and glanced at her, biting my lip. "We're uh...getting married. Soon."

"Oh?" she asked, with an air of nonchalance.

"Yes," I murmured. "In two weeks."

She stared at me. "Wow. That is soon."

I smiled. "Well...yes and no. I've known him for while."

"So you certainly aren't rushing into anything."

"No. I'm not." I didn't know why this was such an uncomfortable topic for me. It wasn't like I was inviting her or asking for her blessing, but I suppose it was just a different sort of tragedy when you told the person you came from, 'hey, I'm getting hitched, maybe I'll send you a postcard during from the honeymoon.' And I suppose it also had to do with the fact that Renee had had so many fleeting relationships over the years that any subject relating to the 'm-word' seemed taboo. And...maybe, I was a little guilty for not asking her to come, too.

"Well then, I offer you my best wishes," she said with a small smile, and I knew Emily Gilmore, for one, would be proud of her. "And Bella?"

"Yes?" I asked, kind of relieved it had been that easy and kind of relieved in general. Once I returned to Forks, everything could begin anew, just like last time I'd left her.

"I want you to know, I'm sorry for everything. I was selfish and not at all ready to be a mother."

"I know," I nodded, glancing down, not really needing to hear this.

"And it fills me with even more regret that I didn't get to know you. That I wasn't there. Because you are the epitome of amazing. You are remarkable and it's really not a surprise that all these people take such good care of you. You deserve it." She stared right at me, almost to assure me she wasn't lying. It was the most unsettling, surreal experience I had ever had.

I nodded, attempting to keep the silly tears at bay. "Thank you," I murmured and for now, no matter what really happened, if for some bizarre reason she decided to move to Forks to be near me (Edward would love that) or she decided to remain as nonexistent as before, I had the answer to my most important question. Did Renee ever love me? Perhaps when I was a child but no, not really. The real question was, could she have ever loved me? And if her confession wasn't answer enough, I didn't know what would be. Had Renee been a devoted mother, she would have cared for me fiercely, and she would have loved me. But I think, and I glanced at Edward, Em and Rose, Jasper and Alice, I think I had everything I needed and my journey was officially coming to a close.


"That's it?" Emmett asked, almost disappointed. "She just analyzed us and complimented you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, what did you expect?"

"I don't know... Try real tears, epic apologies, earnest forgiveness."

"Really Em? My life isn't a soap opera."

He chuckled. "Nah. I get it. And I guess I'm sorry, too. But really, I sort of hate her for what she did to you. And she's right. I won't ever forgive her for that. I am sorry I couldn't be the supportive brother and shit. She just rubs me the wrong way." He shuddered.

I laughed. "You were perfect, Em. Just being there. And I dig you for it, man."

Emmett grumbled something along the lines of, "Well, I love you. Why wouldn't I?" It was sort of touching.

Rosalie grinned and leaned over to hold my hand. "Thanks for saying what you did. You really are my sister, Bella."

"Oh, I know. And it's true. You were the one who gave me 'the Talk.' You're the reason I seduced Eddie and we lost our virginity back in high school."

"Hey!" the boys crowed, simultaneously.

"You're my sister!" Emmett exclaimed, feeling betrayed by his wife.

"That's my sister!" Jasper yelled, feeling disgusted that Rose would do such a thing. Scary biker dude shot him another glare and Jazz smiled sheepishly.

"I've never felt so violated," Edward murmured, but he was grinning at this tidbit of information. As far as he knew, our first time had been entirely mutual. Ha. Ha ha. Silly, oblivious, and hormonal boy.

"True," Rose agreed with me and sank back into her seat, reading a magazine.

"OK, Bella. On an emotional level, where are you at?" Jasper asked, taking my seat so he wouldn't have to sit by scare biker dude. He looked at me warmly with a hint of concern.

I smiled and hugged him. "You know what, Mr. Shrink. I kind of love you."

He chuckled, kissing my head. "Love you too, kid. But that wasn't my question."

"Honestly, I'm totally fine. Everything's over. And just beginning. It's sort of perfect."

"Great!" exclaimed Alice in a rush, taking a perch on Jasper's lap. I was sure the flight attendant would not like the seat-shifting very much. She plopped her heavy wedding planner book in my lap. "Because you and I still have some unfinished business to attend to, girl. You're getting married! Married!"

"I'm aware, crazy pixie. And how on earth did you fit this into your carry-on bag?"

She looked at me in a very creepy fashion. "I have my ways."

"OK. Hold up." Edward said, closing the book before Alice could begin her big wedding rant (try saying that three times fast). "I have to do something with Bella before we land and now's are opportunity, so wedding prep will have to wait."

I looked at him, confused. "What are we doing?"

He smirked and stood up, taking my hand. "Well, there's this crazy stalker who's been watching us this entire time and she won't leave us alone. There's only one thing we can do to get her off our backs."

My eyes widened in realization. "Really?"

"Yep."

"What are you doing?" Alice asked, suspiciously.

Edward stared at her and they had some strange sibling communication. She almost smiled at him and then turned to me. "Fine. But this is only because I love you guys."

"Love you too, Aly!" I said, and then Agent Cherry-Cheeks and Agent Pretty Boy went off to fulfill Make-Out Mission Part II. Only this time, we really did make-out in the bathroom. Hell yeah!


Epilogue

Now I'm old. Old and aged and graying. Life has passed in vibrant colors and timeless shades and now it is time to put the pen down, time to rest. Whatever preconceived notions I'd had about the future when I'd left Phoenix, could never have matched my wildest expectations of what I would find. I ended up in a magical world of singing and Edward and the Cullens: my own personal Neverland because really, I never grew-up. Or rather, I never lost the hope that goodness and love could exist, even when I had known a life virtually opposite in every aspect. Regardless, this alien will soon enter her outer space because for now, her humor is all used up.


A/N: The End? I was once told it was unprofessional to add that at the end of a story, but I think it's the only thing that works. So. There it is. The End. And thanks for reading.