Disclaimer: Dragonball Z may have been the sole reason for my existence when I was 10, but I escaped that and now I can, with confidence, say that I do not own Dragonball Z.
I. HAVE RETURNED. TO CLAIM MY TITLE. AS THE MOST RETARDED HUMAN WRITER. THIS SIDE OF TARA GILESBIE. AMEN.
WHEN YOU PRICK ME, DO I NOT BLEED? WHEN YOU PUNCH ME, DO I NOT BRUISE? WHEN YOU SEND ME A CASE REQUEST IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN A PERSONAL MESSAGE, DO I NOT CRY? THANK YOU.
(Today's Case: The volunteer blood doners of Japan are suing Dr. Gero for taking blood from various people to create Cell and not hitting them up for some.
Plaintiff: Blood doners
Defendant: Dr. Gero)
"All rise." deadpanned Android 18 while Justin walked to the podium.
"That's it? Just 'all rise?' No ridiculously dumb Amanda show-quality one liner to open up with? How do you think everyone gets pumped up for the case?" Justin asked in a flabbergasted manner after sitting his ass down.
"Don't we go over this bullshit every day, Judge?" 18 asked, annoyed.
"Yeah, but this time might be different."
"Whatever." Android 18 sneered back.
"Good point. Today's case is...?"
"A bunch of volunteer blood doners are pissed at Gero because he used superhuman blood to make Cell instead of using theirs."
"Well... that's unusual to say the least. But then again, this isn't Judge Judy. Send the whiny asses in."
A bunch of emaciated half-people and Dr. Gero walked in and sat down at the appropriate tables.
"Wow, other than the fact that he has a beard, Dr. Gero looks just like the blood doners." Justin said, adjusting his rad glasses to get a better picture of the plaintiffs.
"Actually, I was a blood doner once. When I first had sex with your mother, she gave me a disease that caused me to ejaculate blood in the place of semen, and since I had your mother repeatedly, I donated quite a lot of my blood to her." Gero cracked wise.
"Wow, that time you spent in hell gave you quite a tongue, didn't it? Okay, we'll get to you later." Justin said, getting ready to talk to the blood doners.
"Was it the same way that your daddy got to your mother to produce the little water-headed faggot I'm talking to right now?" Gero quizically asked.
"Gero, I'm being real easy on you by letting you say that shit. I'm in a generous mood today, but one more wise ass retort and I'm ending the case early and punishing you. Oh, and, no use of the word 'faggot' in this courtroom, because I don't want to get sued by Vegeta for offending him."
"Hey, FUCK YOU!" Vegeta stood up and screamed.
"See what I mean?" Justin said. "No thanks, Vegeta, find someone else. Like Nappa. Okay, blood doners, let's hear your arguments."
One of the doners shakily stood up to speak for his group, causing both of his legs to pop loudly and abundantly, and spoke in a barely-audible whisper.
"Well, your honor, Dr. Gero is doing my organization of donors a great dishonor by not letting us give our blood for his scientific studies. We, in return, request a written or typed apology and a Playstation 3 with low weight controllers. Thank you, sir." The donor sat back down.
"What? I didn't catch any of that, it sounded like Droopy talking to me from the bottom of a well." Justin said, extending an ear towards the direction of the donors.
"Don't bother, everything each one of them ever says and ever will say is useless." said Gero. "May I begin?"
"Uh, fine." Justin said nonchalantly, placing his hand on his chin.
"Okay. Well, first off, my scientific study involved creating a being of immense power using the cells of superhuman warriors from several planets including earth, so any non-retarded person can see, quite plainly, that using the blood of a bunch of zombified ghouls such as the people to my right would be totally worthless. Secondly, fuck all of you. The end." Gero sat down to a stunned silence.
"Alright then. I guess both parties have presented their arguments. Jury, make your decisions."
Puar, Oolong, and Chiaotzu wrote down their respective verdicts on a piece of paper to the Jeopardy third round music. Soon, they all had their cards raised for Justin to examine.
"Alright, I see Puar and Chiaotzu think that Gero is guilty, and Oolong wrote down the number 10." Justin observed. "Way to go, champ."
"What the hell? Oolong!" Puar shouted.
"Wait, so this isn't a wet t-shirt contest?" Oolong asked dumbly.
"No." Justin responded. "Why do you two find Gero guilty?"
"Because he created Cell in the first place, almost causing the destruction of the world." said Puar.
"Plus, he's a fag." said Chiaotzu. "Sorry, Vegeta."
"FUCK YOU ALL!" Vegeta said, before throwing his chair through the hole AKIRA THE FUCK TORIYAMA left in the ceiling and storming out.
"He's probably off to whack off about Goku." Justin said, ignoring Goku's shriek of terror. "Alright, Gero, I sentence you to go to the church in hell so you can learn not to talk smack in unnecessary situations."
"NOOOO!" Gero bellowed, being carried off by Android 18. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, BIIIIITCH!"
"Well, case closed, I'm off to fuck Gero's mom. SEE YALL LATER, BOYEEEEEZZZZ!" Justin yelled directly into your ear.
THE END
