AUTHORS NOTE. Sorry about the mix up. It was 2:30 am when I posted and I was sooooo sleepy.... I am sorry about the mix up this is the corrrect chapter 29
Authors Note To the Creep who hides under chairs.
I am sorry that the Leader of the Ninga Army wants to take your chair from you if you don't find out why I ask questions at the end of my chapters. Yes I do understand that you do not know the answers to what is going to happen next. I realise that only I, Yeva and Rhonda know the future. Please let her know that I am a teacher and I like to know that people are paying attention. Also I love the feedback that I get when I ask my silly questions.
I hope That this answers her question please let her know that If she gets and account she can ask me all the questions she wants and I will be able to answer them. unfortunatly I am not bonded to the Leader of the ninja Army. I can not answer her using a bond. I am bonded to my best friend Julie who likes to fly around on a dragon. I apreciate your review. I hope you do not burry your head like and ostrage because that would prevent you from reading my story.
sincerly the SnowGoose.
To every one else: I do not own VA but that which is mine I share with you. I hope you enjoy it.
Chapter: 29 Forgiveness
Dimitri POV
Slowly I could feel the darkness of oblivion lift. The pain had subsided but my body felt so heavy. I tried to open my eyes but they would not listen to me. I tried to remember where I was, who I was; but my mind felt fuzzy. One by one my memories came back to me. My name is Dimitri Belikov I am a guardian. I grew up in Baia, Siberia. My grandmother Yeva told me that one day I would have children with a remarkable woman. I remembered Ivan Zeklos, my best friend and charge. He died when I went on vacation. The counsel assigned me to find and guard Princess Vasilisa the last of the Dragomir family. She had disappeared with her best friend who was supposed to become her Guardian after graduation. I found them and brought them back to St. Vladimir's Academy.
Her novice guardian, Rosemarie Hathaway was to be my student and it was my job to catch her up on her training. She was beautiful, spirited, disrespectful, funny, dedicated, and endearing. I found myself lingering on my memories of this girl. I learned that she had remarkable gifts and burdens because of the bond that she shared with her charge. I saw myself fall in love with her. I saw how I pushed her away thinking that I was doing the right thing. How could I have pushed her away like that? I saw her struggle to keep her friend safe from some unseen enemy. There was a night that we were brought together by a lust charm. I almost took her virginity that night and gave her mine in return. I wanted her so badly. We realized that it was a charm and that our charge was in danger. Together we saved her.
Again I pushed her away but she saw through it. She knows me better than any other person ever has. I told her my reasons for keeping our relationship professional. Because of her dedication to her Moroi she accepted my reasons. I knew that it hurt her to fight her feelings for me; I knew because it hurt me too. I took her to have her interview with Arthur Schulenburg, but we walked in on the scene of an attack. She was so brave for someone so young. Tasha Ozera asked me to be her guardian; I nearly took her offer. Rose and four others went missing for a week. When they got away one had died and Rose had fought and killed two Strigoi by herself.
I turned down Tasha's offer; thought I knew I would be giving up the chance to have the children with an extraordinary woman, I loved rose and could not bear to leave her. I watched her struggle though visions of ghosts. I was not sure if she was going mad or if this was another gift. Soon after she had consumed so much darkness from the princess's spirit shadows that she went temporarily crazy. I tried to calm her but she could not be calmed. It was not until I let go of me resolve and let her see how much I love her; that she finally found the strength to let go of the madness. In my relief I kissed her. This time I didn't stop. I gave her my heart and I accepted hers. We made love and I knew that somehow this was the extraordinary woman that Yeva had meant.
There was an attack at the school. She fought with a fire wielding Moroi friend of hers and they were responsible for most of the kills that night. I felt such pride for my Roza. Yes, she was my Roza. In the traditions of my people Roza was my wife. There was a rescue mission to save some of the people taken during the attack. Roza and I were about to reach safety but something pulled me back and I felt a pain in my neck.
I had been awakened. Oh dear GOD the atrocities I have committed. My Roza came to save my soul, but I captured her. I took her blood and left her weak. She escaped me, she almost saved my soul. I heard that she was marrying my half brother. I spy on her and hear she is with child, when I see pictures I know that this could be my child she carries. My heart can feel no love and I plan an attack. She is ready for my attack and has an ambush of her own waiting. She stakes me in the leg with a stake charmed for healing instead of killing, and gives me a connection to my soul. When I am sick and cannot think where ells to turn I came to her. She saved me. My brother took me in and cared for me.
My heart is broken because I miss her. My Roza, my wife, is married to my brother. I see that he loves her and with his wealth and position he can give her the life I could never even dream I could do. She gives birth to my child, a beautiful baby girl. I think of every visit that they made to me; Rose lovingly and willingly giving me small amounts of living blood. I thought of the times I played with my little Theresa. I remember the struggle to keep my soul. Rose tried to heal me and I tried to drain her. OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
I begin to sob as I lay in this bed. I feel someone sit on the bed and a soft hand cover mine. It is not my Roza, when Roza touches me I feel an energy run through me. I will my eyes open there is a very soft light in the room. The princess is sitting next to me; she has a small smile on her face. I search her face. There is worry and general concern, but thankfully I see no grief. This fact gives me hope.
"Welcome back, Guardian Belikov." She takes my hand in both of hers.
"Rose?" It was all I could say. She took a deep breath; I tried to steady myself for her words.
"She is still unconscious, but after the blood loss and the amount of energy it took to turn you back, she's going to be out for a few days." I didn't know if they would have known to check the baby.
"Her child?" Lissa gave a bit of a surprised look, with a tinge of jealousy in it. "Princess, she didn't confide in me, I figured it out." She blushed, knowing I had seen her jealousy.
"The baby is ok, we didn't know she was pregnant at first, but when some of the blood work came back Sasha did an ultrasound."
"Adrian must be furious with me."
"He is still out. I think he will come out of it soon."
"How long have I been out?"
"Two Days." I tried to sit up but my body still felt heavy. She helped me up.
"You're just a bit week but Sasha says you will be feeling better soon. Do you feel up to having visitors?"
"Who would want to visit me?" They all knew the monster I had become.
"The people who love and care for you, your friends and family. Janine has wanted to see you. Alberta is here. Your family is on the way from Russia and your Daughter is very lonely right now without her mom and daddies." My Theresa, I missed my little girl so much.
"Could I see Theresa first?"
"She is with Janine Right now. Should I send them both in or do you just want the baby?"
I knew that I should talk to Janine. I owed her an explanation for my actions with her underage daughter. Being a father now myself I could just imagine the things she may have to say to me.
"Send them both." Lissa left the room and in a few moments I heard my child cry as she came down the hall. Janine knocked softly and waited till I gave permission to come in.
"Hello sweet baby." Her head turned in the direction of my voice. Theresa saw me and reached out for me. Janine handed her over with a smile. Theresa snuggled up to me and grabbed on to my hair, she twirled it in her fingers and put a thumb in her mouth. Within minutes she was asleep.
"She has not slept well in days. I am glad you are here to comfort her."
"Janine, I am sorry for my actions with Rose. I know that what I did was wrong given our ages and the situation but I need to tell you that I loved her. I still do."
"Rose has explained everything to me. I am sorry that things didn't go as you had hoped. She is happy with Adrian but she would have been just as happy with you."
"I would not have been able to give her what he has."
"The things would not have mattered to her." I knew she was right but it was still hard not to wish I could have given her a home.
"I had thought she was so mature and she was for her age but I see now that she was still just a child. I realize that my actions that night made her grow up faster than what was fair." I looked down at my sleeping child. I love her and could not imagine her not being here. I hurt for the things Rose had to face alone.
"I won't lie to you. She was so scared and confused. But she loved you and your baby. Once she knew she was carrying your child she never thought of her as a burden. She had no regrets about loving you or having made love with you."
"She rushed into a marriage to protect the baby from me and from society."
"Rose needed to try to let you go and move forward for her own sanity. He is so good to her that I think she would have fallen in love and married him anyway. The baby did expedite things a bit but it would have happened eventually I think." This knowledge hurt me to hear but I was grateful to Janine for her honesty.
"She still loves you. It may not be the way that you love her or the way that you want her to love you, but she does love you even more than she did then."
"I never doubt Rose's feelings for me. She has not tried to hide anything from me and even if she did well I could always tell when she lied or held things back from me." I gave an involuntary yawn.
"I am going to let the two of you rest. I will come back for her later." I lay down with my daughters head resting over my heart.
"Oh, Belikov." I lifted my head. "I was pissed as hell when I first found out. In fact I could have staked you myself even if you hadn't have been Stigoi. I forgive you now. Thank you for giving me such a beautiful grandchild. I guess you will be keeping a good strong eye on all of her teachers when she grows up." She left my room
~~*~~
I woke to the smell of food. It was so long since I felt hunger for food. My stomach growled and I sat up. Janine was leaning over a playpen; she lifted Theresa out saying something about taking her down to eat her breakfast. There was a very kind looking Dhampir standing next to me with a tray full of food. She set the tray over me with a smile.
"It is nice to finally meet you. My name is Helen Mc Mann but please just call me Helen. I didn't know what to make for you so I opted for Lady Ivashkovs favorites." It stung to hear Roza referred to as Lady Ivashkov. I looked at the tray and found that it indeed held roses favorites; French toast, bacon, eggs, a chocolate doughnut, and tea. There was one item I never knew Rose to ever have eaten.
"Is that Russian Black Bread?" She smiled and nodded.
"It is not as good as your mother's or that of Lady Ivashkov ether. I just don't have the same knack for it as she does."
"This is one of Rose's favorites?"
"Yes and I know it is one of yours. Your mother and Lady would spend hours in the kitchen baking it and talking about what you were like as a child." This image brought a smile to my face. My stomach growled again so I gave in and began to eat. Everything tasted so good. I could feel the food give me energy. I got up and looked though the drawers and found that my cloths had been brought here. I dressed in jeans and a black polo shirt.
When Janine came back in I asked her if I could visit with Rose and Adrian. She helped me up and led me to a room down the hall from mine. This room was far larger and had a huge bed. On the bed, side by side lay Rose and Adrian. Both had an IV hooked in their arms with clear fluid dripping from it. For some reason I felt myself drawn to sit next to Adrian. I began to feel fear, confusion, helplessness and longing from him. I reached over and took rose's hand and placed it in his.
"That was a very nice thing to do." I turned and saw Lissa and Christian in the doorway.
"Princess Vasilisa, Mr. Ozera, I didn't hear you come in."
"You seem to be in deep thought. Please call us Lissa and Christian. Can I ask what made you put their hands together?"
"I guess I just thought it would make him feel better."
"It did, and it made her feel better too. Their auras are both lighter." Then she looked at me. First her eyes narrowed but then grew big. "Your aura is darker now than it was earlier." The look on her face held surprise and pity.
"What does that mean? Please don't say I am bound to one of them. I don't know if I could handle that."
"Sorry I think that is exactly what happened." I am having a hard enough time handling my own emotions.
A small gray and white cat jumped up on the bed and headed straight for me. She rubbed up to me as if asking for attention. I heard a giggle from Lissa. I have never had an animal come near me voluntarily unless it wanted to bite me. I looked to Lissa for answers.
"That is Misty Blue; she is Rose's shadow kissed kitten. Rose takes all my and Adrian's shadows and then Misty takes them from her. She can take some directly from you but not as much as Rose can. Pet her and snuggle with her. I bet she will make you feel better."
For the first time in my life I played with a cat. Then she took off running around the room. I thought she was going mad but Lissa and Christian just laughed as she ran, dodged and flipped through the air. Then she jumped up on the bed and curled up right on Rose's baby bump.
"Well the cat is going to be out for the next few hours. Guess I will find the girls and start a game of hide and seek." He kissed Lissa and walked away. Lissa went to sit next to rose and hold her hand.
"When Rose and I were first bound; it started with Rose just having a general hum of my feelings. A few months later she started to get sucked into my head when I was scared. After you brought us back to the Academy and we had to spend so much time apart from each other she decided to try to get into my head so she could know how I was doing." She took a deep breath. "I don't know what it is like to get sucked into someone's head. From what Rose has told me it can be really, really uncomfortable I do know that feeling someone elses emotions all the time can be a bitch. I really suggest that you try to learn to put up mental blocks and walls because if you don't, it is really going to suck being you."
I have to admit that I didn't really understand what she meant about it sucking to be me but I really didn't want to talk about it anymore. After that we sat in silence for a while till I heard my daughter cry and I left to tend to her.
~~*~~
Alberta came into the nursery while I was changing Theresa.
"You're quite good at that."
"I helped take care of Viktoria when she was a baby and my nephew Paul also."
"How are you doing Dimitri?" I gave a big sigh. I busied myself for a moment by spreading a quilt on the ground and placing Theresa in the middle of it with some toys.
"I'm Ok I guess. I am glad that I don't have to fight with the monster anymore. Now I just have to live with everything I did when he was in control of me."
"I would assume that those memories will always haunt you. But remember that it was not the real you. It was your body but not your heart or soul that was responsible for those deeds."
"Alberta I am not so sure. There were times that I held back and did the lesser evil of two choices. If there was no trace of me left then why did I do that?"
"Perhaps those where the times that your soul was fighting the hardest; even though it didn't have control over you maybe it drew on some God given strength to keep you from doing the thing that would hurt you the most."
"I used Rose. I treated her in the lowest manner. I treated her like a blood whore."
"Rose told me everything that happened to her when she was with you. You did feed off of her and you made out with her but you didn't have intercourse with her when you held her captive, even though part of her actually wanted you to at the time. After she realized that you were not capable of love, she was grateful for that. Also even though there was a lot of pressure to awaken Rose, you didn't."
"I suppose."
"What are you plans for the future?"
"I guess right now I need to take some time off and be with my daughter. She grows so fast and I have already missed most of it."
"She is quite big for a 3 month old."
"Her physical development is that of a 6 month old, her mental development is also just about 6 months. I don't want to miss her firsts."
"I can understand that. I took a few years off when my son was born."
Helen poked her head in the room.
"Guardian Belikov, Dr Isham is here to examine you." Who was Dr. Isham? The confusion must have been clear on my face. "Sasha is here to see you."
"Oh I guess Rose and Adrian never told me her last name. They always called her Sasha or cousin. She even called Rose Cousin."
"She is Adrian's first cousin and she is also the first one to accept Rose and the baby as part of her family. That is why she calls Rose cousin and the baby she calls the little cousin." Alberta explained with a smile. "I will take care of the baby so you can go see Sasha."
~*~
Helen led me back to my room where Sasha was taking her supplies out of her bag. She greeted me with a warm smile. She asked me to sit on the chair in front of the desk.
"Hello Dimitri, how are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling much better than I did when I first woke up. I was really week then."
"Have you eaten regular food yet?" I nodded. "How did you handle it?"
"Very well actually; I would have thought I wouldn't be able to eat that much considering it has been a year since I had real food."
"Have you felt the need for blood?"
"NO!" Why would she ask that?
"You're probably used to the feel of them; so you didn't notice that you still have your fangs." I ran my tongue in front of my teeth and gums. Shit I do have fangs.
"Don't worry it doesn't mean what you might be afraid of. I think that you are a higher mix of Moroi to human, like your daughter. I don't know how much yet because I couldn't get a clear reading with the donor blood I pumped into your veins. Let me get a sample, and I will know in 2 days."
"I never want to feed off of another person again. Not even a feeder." I could feel the tears flow down my face. She wrapped her arms around me. It was like a dam had burst within me. I began to sob she held me till I was able to get a hold of myself. I couldn't believe that this woman who never met me before I was awakened could even be willing to touch me, let alone comfort me. She pulled a pack of tissue from her pocket and gave me one. She knelt before me and looked me in the eye.
"I am sorry but you will need living blood. If you are like your daughter you probably won't need blood every day and you will need far less than what you had to take from Rose. Theresa only bites Rose about once every three days. If you feel the need for blood go see the feeder. She lives on the first floor near the kitchen, her name is Alice and she used to work at the Academy. She is old and fruity as a loon but Chris and Lissa asked for her so Adrian hired her for them. She spends most of her time ether in her room watching movies or out in one of Rose's Gardens."
"What if I refuse to feed?" Her face became very serious.
"That would be dangerous to yourself and your loved ones. First you would get sick like you had when you came here for help. Then if you continue to hold out you would go mad and completely drain the first person you feed off of. You would become Strigoi again but this time it would be your own doing." I shivered at the thought.
"I am in my own personal hell."
"I am so sorry Dimitri. I need to finish examining you." She did the usual thing with the light in my eyes, and testing my reflexes. Then she took a vile of blood.
"Helen should have Dinner ready soon. I think you should join the family for diner. You should integrate yourself into the daily life here. I know Rose and Adrian both want you to live here close to Theresa."
I nodded and let her lead me down to the first floor. She gave me a tour of the mansion along the way. This place was called The House on Cherry Hill but it was way too big to be called a house. There were five bedrooms on the third floor; six on the second and four on the first along with several in the basement. The Moroi on staff liked the lowest level because the windows were very small and didn't allow much light in.
In the dining room there was a huge table that would probably seat twenty five people easily. Everyone seemed to be seated around one end of the table rather than spread out.
"Rose and Adrian like to have their whole family at the table. The guardians who are on duty right now will eat after their shift and any household staff is welcome to eat with the family but most choose not to."
I was greeted warmly by everyone. Lissa gave me a hug. The Guardians introduced themselves to me and told me who they were guarding. Abe had a lot of Guardians for a non royal Moroi but then again he was Abe Mazur. Rose had told me her father's name was Abraham but I was a little shocked it was ol Zmay himself. I guess that explains some of her more colorful personality traits. I have to admit that he seemed like a very kind man. By the looks of it he is in love with Janine.
"Where is Eddie?" Lissa smiled and her eyes sparkled.
"Eddie is having dinner with Mia and her Father. I think he is going to be asking her father for her hand."
"Mia Rinaldi?"
"Yes, they have been dating for the last eight months."
"But she is a Moroi. How do they expect to get married?"
"It isn't so frowned upon anymore. In part because of Rose and Adrian being married and also after what happened to the Queen."
"What happened to the queen?" Her eyes grew wide.
"I can't believe she didn't tell you. The day after Thanksgiving she went to court to help us get our things and move back here. The queen called for her and Adrian, Chris and I went too. While Queen Tatiana was in the middle of a speech about how I would be safer at court than here with Rose; Rose felt the presents of Strigoi. She started to bark out instructions to us in her head."
"What? What do you mean she barked out instructions in her head?"
"I'll explain that later. Anyway she got Adrian to cover me and Tatiana while she and my Fire boy got ready to fight. It was intense but basically Rose saved everyone's butt that day. She forced the second Strigoi to tell her what they were after. See they were one of the Queen's own Guardians and her personal secretary. They had asked for permission to marry but she forbade it and they decided to turn Strigoi and kill Queen Tatiana and Me so that they could start out with high ranking within the Strigoi."
"This was the day after Thanksgiving. She was in her ninth month! What was she thinking fighting Strigoi at that late stage?"
"She fought your ass the night before?" She had to remind me, but I was so upset about Rose's carelessness. "She really didn't have a choice there was no time to get back up. She wouldn't have done it if she had another choice she promised Adrian after the last time." I raised my eyebrow at her and gave her my no nonsense Guardian face.
"Last time?" This time she gulped, under his breath Chris said something to her about putting her royal foot in her mouth. Janine answered this time.
"When Rose was six months pregnant we got ambushed by five Stigoi. She fought well and made two kills. Like she told Adrian she was pregnant not dying. She did her job and after Lissa made sure to heal her. You should be proud that your student performed so admirably." She gave me the same guardian face that I had given Lissa. I nodded to her in acknowledgement that matter was now closed.
After dinner I read one of my western books to Theresa before bed. I kept her in the play pen in my room. I found comfort in having her with me. Just as I was about to turn off my light I heard a soft meow at my door and the sound of a paw tap at the bottom. I opened the door and Misty walked in and jumped up on my bed. She looked at me expectantly. I left the door open, turned off the light and let the cat sleep where she wanted. She curled up on my chest and began to purr. The sound of her purr lulled me to sleep.
~~*~~
Fear and confusion…. The strength of the emotions woke me up. I sat up and thought about these feelings. I had no reason to feel like this. Then I realized that these ware not my emotions. I stood up and walked down the hall to the master bedroom. The door was open and Adrian's Guardian Arthur was standing guard. He was looking intently at Adrian.
"Arthur, how are they doing?"
"He has been mumbling. I think he is waking up." I crossed to the chair beside Adrian. I took his hand and in the softest gentlest voice I could make I spoke to him.
"Adrian, it's me your brother Dimitri. Everything is ok. Rose and your baby are healthy. She is tired from the effort like you but and she is sleeping next to you. You have been successful in saving me. I need you to wake up for me brother." I could feel him relax a bit. His hand held on to mine and a few minutes later his eyes opened. He looked at me and gave me a week smile.
"I am sorry for what happened. I tried to stop myself, and to stop you from coming in." He held my hand a little tighter and brought the other one up so he could hold my hand in both of his.
"You are forgiven. I love you brother." His eyes closed and I knew that he was asleep.
When Dimitri first woke up he began to sob. do you think it was guilt or fear that made him cry?
Who is Dimitri bonded to?
What is the signifigance of Ardian telling Dimitri that he is forgiven?
