CHAPTER 29: A World Of Hurt

The first night inside that empty apartment was cold. It was chilling. It hurt. He had found the nearest place to buy alcohol and several bottles littered the floor. The beer was having no effect on him, only making the memories of Orihime stronger. He wanted them to fade away.

Tomorrow he was going to buy a new phone. He was going to get his number changed. Nel would no longer be a problem after that. How could she be a problem if she couldn't contact Ulquiorra?

It was killing him though.

What was said during that conversation?

What lies had Nel spewed to infect Orihime's head?

Knowing his former girlfriend they weren't anything good. Nel could be sweet as candy and just as destructive; forming holes and decay. He had seen her work her magic on several people, including himself.

The next day after waking up on the floor with a bitching headache, Ulquiorra found the nearest place to buy pens and paper. It was all cutesy stuff. He finally found something that would suit him. A stormy grayish-blue pack with darker gray lines. Ulquiorra bought it and several pens. He stumbled back to his home.

His. New. Home.

Not their. New. Home.

The thought twisted a knife in his chest. If he yanked it out, his blood would pour onto these pages and he'd bleed to death. Stupid emotions. Stupid fucking feelings. As soon as he cleared the genken and the entrance hall, Ulquiorra threw the bag with his new purchases in it beside the collection of bottles sitting near the wall.

The noise was too loud as the glass bottles clanked and tinged as they fell. He threw his phone against the wall not even caring if it broke. Why was Nel so intent on ruining his life? Why did she have to persist with this? She was the one who broke his heart. She was the one who discarded him like a dirty pair of socks, throwing him to the side when a new pair came along. He'd done everything to cater to Nel's whims and fancies. He bought her whatever she wanted. Ulquiorra had gone along with whatever plan she had in mind. He'd given his all in the relationship he had with Nel. Look where it got him.

What if he'd done the same to Orihime? What if he'd ignored or blocked Nel's number? What if instead of trying to get in Orihime's pants, he'd taken the time to get to know her. Would they be in this sinking boat?

He didn't go to work that day. He didn't go to work until the next week, calling in sick. His new boss was not impressed. Then his performance at work wasn't the most stellar. He would just sit and stare, looking at the cracked screen of his phone, waiting for word from Kurosaki; from Chad; from Orihime. From any one of them, he would have taken the beratings, the yelling, the accusations and the anger over the silence.

April faded away into May. He had gotten his belongings out of storage, swiping the copy of Nonsense Songs from one of Orihime's boxes. He had the basic necessities but something was missing. He had his bed with the familiar scent of himself and the redhead on it. He had his black leather chair which looked so out of place in the bright living room. He had his desk so that he could write letters to her.

Often times, Ulquiorra would grab some beer or whatever alcohol was on sale after work. He'd drink it and pass out. He barely ate. Ulquiorra wouldn't talk to anyone. He wouldn't answer his phone. He wouldn't reply to any texts. He was barely functioning as a person. The motions were robotic and it showed.

His father called and in a mind-numbing drunken haze, Ulquiorra answered it. "Hello?" he mumbled.

"Ulquiorra?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you drunk?" Mikhail said.

"Yeah."

A heavy sigh, "You've not answered my email or other correspondence concerning the news I've brought you."

"Don't care," Ulquiorra answered dejectedly.

"Really? From what it sounds like you're about to lose your job because your teaching is sub-par. This is not the person I know who loves teaching," his father replied. "Do I need to come to Japan and yank your head out of your ass?"

"Don't care," the younger man said. It was true. Ulquiorra didn't care. Orihime wasn't around so what was there to care about? He'd gone to Chad's workplace and asked him to give her a note. The big man nodded and then ignored him. Ulquiorra left and stumbled back home.

"Ulquiorra Alaric Cifer!"

The use of his full name brought his attention back to his father's voice. "What?" he snapped.

"There is an associate of mine that teaches at Fukuoka University," his father said. "He said there is a professor assistant position opening. You could teach English, German, Biology..."

The man trailed off waiting for a response when he didn't have one the older Cifer continued speaking. "You could start soon. "

Ulquiorra sighed. "I don't want your shitty privileged jobs. I told you I can make it on my own."

"Right because needing nine million yen-"

"Father."

"You never did tell me what you bought with that," Mikhail said.

A person, Ulquiorra thought. He had bought a person with that money. Giving a rude snort, he took another swig from the bottle in his hand. "Doesn't matter. I lost it."

"How do you lose something worth nine million yen, Ulquiorra?"

"It wasn't mine to keep, Vati."

"Are you going to explain what happened Ulquiorra? Why did you have fourteen million yen wired out of your account?"

"I bought an apartment for my future wife," he said sarcastically.

"You got engaged!" His father sounded angry.

"Almost," he said to his father.

There was some grumbling in the background. "Almost? What happened?"

"Nel happened."

The next week, Ulquiorra didn't feel like drinking. He didn't feel like writing Orihime another letter that would go unread. He stopped by the place where Chad worked, mostly sober this time. He looked at the man and nodded. "How is she?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Inoue?"

"Yeah."

Chad sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as if he were uncomfortable. "Inoue is Inoue. She uh, she cries, a lot. She thinks she's putting on this bravado but we can, um, hear her at night."

"Have you been giving her my letters?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Mostly. Ichigo-"

"What would Kurosaki do to them?!"

"Cifer, don't get pissy with me because you got caught. You don't get to blame anyone but yourself."

Got caught? What the hell did he ever get caught doing? Nothing. He did nothing. "I still don't know what started this entire thing, Chad."

Chad rocked back on his heels and shrugged. "Ichigo told me that Nel called and she was talking to Orihime. There's a notepad that no one has touched but it has a message from Nel on it to you. Orihime wrote the message down. Nel said some nasty things to her; called her a whore and something else. Ichigo couldn't get more than mumbles from Orihime."

Ulquiorra swallowed. His chest felt uncomfortably tight like he'd ran several kilometers at a breakneck speed. "Anything else?"

"Do you have another phone? Have you ever badmouthed Orihime to Nel?" Chad asked.

"What? No! I only have one phone and I've broken the screen," Ulquiorra replied. "I would never badmouth Orihime to anyone. If anything I've done nothing but praise her to anyone I've told about our-the relationship we had. Not like I talk about it much anymore."

"Maybe you should come by and talk to her?"

The green-eyed man laughed. He simply barked out laughter in a way that made it clear he thought that was the funniest thing ever in a sarcastic way. "Why? So she can slam the door in my face? No thank you. I'm waiting for her to forgive me for whatever transgressions-"

"Then you're going to lose her."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Ichigo can swoop in. I could even do it. If you're going to be stupid and just sit on your ass, someone else will sweep her off her feet," Chad said before stomping off.

Ulquiorra walked home in the dark. He looked around the living area once he got there and flopped down in his chair. Maybe if sent her a text.

She didn't want to hear from him.

He had to try though.

He bit his lip, letting his teeth worry the skin. Ulquiorra just stared at the shattered surface of the phone. He willed it to light up. Using the side of his thumb, he unlocked the phone and went to his text messages. There were texts from Nnoitra, Szayel, Zommari and Yammy. Nel's text message stared back at him. Those eighteen texts Nel had sent that night destroyed his relationship with Orihime but still, he couldn't help taking glances at the images. Then there were Orihime's texts. There were pictures and messages that could make him hard in less than two minutes. Nel's images were just disgusting and crude. Orihime's were tasteful and teasing.

With a sneer, he deleted Nel's messages and blocked her number. He would not let that psychopathic bitch affect him any longer. He should have done it after the first fight they had about Nel. He should have done it the night of the Snow Lantern Festival. He should have done it the moment he left Germany. Ulquiorra should have never tried to be friends with Nel.

So he picked up his phone and he tapped out a message to Orihime.

- Lauren Aquilina - Forest Fires. I love you, Inoue Orihime.

He put the phone to the side and then went to take a shower. He didn't worry about the message. Ulquiorra's phone didn't beep. It didn't chime. There was no buzzing or vibration that signaled he had a text message. He went on with life which hurt more.

In order to deal with this pain, he did something incredibly stupid.


He was unhappy with this arrangement. He wanted Orihime back in his life. He was miserable, so much more miserable than the first time they had fought. This despondency was an entirely new level of depressing. One day, a week after he sent the text to Orihime, Ulquiorra decided he was done with it. He needed to get his head on straight. He needed to figure out what he was going to do.

Ulquiorra bought a laptop. He'd been studying Japanese every day since he physically met Orihime. He knew he could read it. He could write it but speaking it was still a shaky endeavor. He set up the laptop in his native language after watching some videos online. It was relatively easy once he understood what the people were talking about. He logged into his email and responded to his father's associate.

There was a teaching position open for three classes. Unless Ulquiorra was confident in his Japanese, he could only consider two of them; the English course and the German course. The pay was a vast improvement from what he was receiving now. Also, college kids would pay to have him teach them multiple languages. Being multilingual looked good on resumes and probably impressed most Japanese.

Of course, there were emails from Nel since she couldn't call him. He sent every letter to the trash and deleted them forever without opening them. He didn't want to hear from her. She had destroyed his life twice over and that was enough for him. Ulquiorra even blocked her email. He blocked her on anything she would have access to. It felt good to rid himself of that human parasite.

He still wanted Orihime around. He wanted his O. He wanted his Pussycat and not for any perverted reasons. He hated waking up without her. Ulquiorra hated eating without hearing about her day. He hated not being able to see her smile or hear her laugh.

When he found out that he got the job, he quit his current teaching job. The pay was shit and frankly, his boss was a dickhead. That was another weight lifted off his chest.

Orihime was constantly on his mind. Missing her was horrible. He decided to do something.

He took Chad's advice.


Orihime wanted to die.

The next week, she wanted to die.

The week after was the same.

She lost track of time and events. She had been fired early on. She just never showed up to work. She couldn't eat. She couldn't sleep. She rarely showered or brushed her hair. Everything reminded her of him; specifically, everything reminded her of his absence.

She couldn't bring herself to throw away the message she had taken from Nel. She needed it to remind her. She still couldn't believe what that woman had told her. She had lived with Ulquiorra for months. How could he have carried on behind her back like Nel said? The only evidence she had of his betrayal was that message and the fact that he left her.

Those were the only two things that stopped her from screaming his name every other breath.

Ichigo and Chad had been nothing but kind and accommodating. Ichigo worried about her and tried to cheer her up, to no avail. Chad offered to sleep in the living room or the floor of Ichigo's room, which she refused. Ichigo offered for her to sleep in his room with him, which she also refused. In the end, she had fallen asleep one night and woke up in Chad's room. It was her room from that morning onward.

A few days after Ulquiorra had left, she heard Ichigo and Chad arguing in the kitchen. She came out of 'her' room and kept herself concealed on the other side of the wall, but heard every word. Ulquiorra had written to her. Chad wanted to give the letter to her but Ichigo refused. He didn't want to see her hurt any more than she already was. He didn't want that asshole to get the last word. Chad had argued that it wasn't their choice, that Orihime should decide. Ichigo overruled him though and threw the letter in the trash. That night Orihime fished the letter out of the wastebasket and brought it to her room.

It made no sense.

It wasn't his regular, clean handwriting. It was shaky and messy. He had to have been emotional when he wrote it. The words seemed to be song lyrics. She looked them up - her impression was correct. It was a song called Broken Strings by James Morrison. She looked up the rest of the lyrics. She was only made more confused. The lyrics spoke of heartache that comes when someone doesn't give their all in a relationship and then eventually falling out of love little by little as the parties separate. Why would he bother to write this out to her? To once again rub salt in her wounds? She had not expected such cruelty out of him. She threw that letter into her own wastebasket. The next day she retrieved it and put it with the message from Nel.

More letters came, and Ichigo fought each one of them; at least the ones he knew about. He really was trying to be her champion. She appreciated him for that. He wasn't giving up on her. Neither was Chad, but Chad was Chad; a silent presence, while often comforting, is still silent. Ichigo tried to get her to get out of the apartment, go for a walk, take a shower, do something nice for herself. She always apologized. He always let her.

She did a lot of diving into the trash bin that week.

All the letters were similar. Sloppy. Nonsensical. Non-apologies. Once again it felt like he was lashing out at her. Like before, she knew she didn't deserve it. Like before, she couldn't forgive herself for it. She was unable to capture his heart the way Nel had. She would never hold a candle to her.

The next time a letter came and she overheard Ichigo and Chad talking about it, and subsequently throwing it in the garbage, she didn't bother retrieving it. She was sure it would be another attempt by him to assuage his guilt if he had any. Maybe he just wanted to hurt her. Maybe he resented her for getting between him and Nel. She didn't know. She would never know. It wasn't worth trying to figure out or agonizing over while trying to read between his scribbled lines for meaning that wasn't there.

After the third week, she started to feel disgusted with herself. She showered. She got dressed. She went outside. Ichigo met her at the front door and smiled at her kindly, offering to take her out to breakfast. She agreed.

He talked to her about normal things; how his sisters were and how his clinicals were going. He mentioned that he had heard of an opportunity at the hospital that she might be interested in. She agreed to check it out.

She met with a woman in the rehabilitative therapy section of the hospital and chatted about her past experiences as an art class instructor. The two women hit it off and Orihime was offered the position of Art Therapist Assistant. She herself would not be an art therapist, but she would provide support and help design and implement activities for the actual therapist. She was proud of herself.

Then there was her hormonal shift. She had felt it when they first moved to Fukuoka, when Ulquiorra was still staying with her and Ichigo and Chad. She had had some light spotting then and thought perhaps she would be getting one of her rare periods. It never came then, but now she could feel something different. Her breasts were sore. The spotting was more frequent. She felt a random cramp in her belly now and then and she was less patient with Ichigo and Chad. She knew this period was going to be a big one.

Then the text message came. She did not understand. He loved her? He didn't blame her, according to the lyrics of the song he sent. It was contradictory to the letters she had received before. She was more confused than ever. She did not respond. She had been too hurt and too broken; she had finally clawed her way out of that pit - well not all the way out, but enough to see a bit of light - and she didn't want to go back down. If she responded, she knew that was exactly where she would go. All the way back to the bottom.


In his hands was the copy of Nonsense Songs he had bought for her, dotted with letters that he had written to her while sober, apologizing to her over and over. He explained that he was done with Nel. He told Orihime that he had always been faithful to her. Ulquiorra loved Orihime and would never say anything that would paint the woman in a bad light.

In his pocket was a simple white sapphire ring that he planned on giving her. If he was going to propose, the time was now. He knew it was stupid but Ulquiorra's brain seemed to leave him the moment O wrote that first letter to him.

This entire thing could go two ways. Orihime could forgive him for being the biggest asshole in history or she could say it was over between them. She could say that she was with Kurosaki, but Chad had assured him that wasn't the case. The other man told him that Orihime was still keeping everyone at an arm's length away, just in case she had a breakdown.

"She doesn't want to be a burden to anyone," Ulquiorra finished for him. Chad confirmed this. He confided in Ulquiorra that Orihime had always been that way, ever since her brother died.

He took a deep breath, and with a shaking hand, he knocked on the door. Four short raps.

Ichigo opened it. He looked at Ulquiorra and slammed the door in his face.

Chad raised his eyebrows at his friend's actions. "Is it that bad?" He asked Ichigo from where he stood behind him. He had no clue who was at the door. Ichigo hadn't opened the door that wide.

"Just the NHK guy. I told him we already paid," Ichigo responded, stomping off to his and Chad's room. He knew he couldn't stop this trainwreck but he didn't want to see it happen.

Chad's eyes slid to the door when there were four more raps. With a heavy sigh, because he knew this was a bad idea, he opened the door. His brown eyes went wide seeing Cifer standing there looking rather offended. "Uh, you work for NHK now?"

"What? No. What's that?" Ulquiorra asked. "May I come in? I need to speak to Orihime."

Opening the door wider, Chad let the German man inside the apartment. "Nothing, nevermind. Orihime's not here," he said. "She might be at work or out. Not really sure. Hey, Ichigo!"

"It's fine." Ulquiorra felt deflated upon hearing this news. His hand wasn't quite steady as he passed the book to the other man. "Uh, this was in my belongings and it's hers. Make sure she gets it, please. It meant a lot to her."

He nodded and Chad's floppy hair followed the motion. "I can give it to her-"

"This is something Kurosaki cannot police or lord over. This is hers . Not something I'm trying to pass to Orihime from me," Ulquiorra stated.

That was it. Ichigo heard what the green-eyed bastard was saying in the next room. How dare he insinuate that he was manipulating Orihime. He was just helping her! The sliding door to his and Chad's room slammed open. His head of cropped orange hair was acting as a beacon, scanning the room until he found him. That rat bastard. Standing in his living room, trying to weasel his way back into her life, and then having the audacity to say what he did. It was an outrage.

Ichigo stomped over to where Ulquiorra stood and growled, "What are you trying to do, Cifer?"

"I am merely returning Miss Inoue's property to her, Kurosaki," came the answer. Ulquiorra's green eyes narrowed at the what the other man's words were insinuating. "I am up to nothing. It wouldn't be right to keep it."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes at Ulquiorra and then at the book in Chad's hands. "Fine. I'll be sure she gets it. You should get out of here before she sees you. You don't get to come in here and make her lose all the progress she's made. I won't let you."

Chad looked at Ichigo and then Cifer. He switched to Japanese so the German couldn't figure out what he was saying. "Ichigo, I think we should give this to her. It's not for us to withhold her property. It might help. I mean we don't know anything about this book or when Orihime got it. It could be something Sora got her."

Ichigo's eyebrow twitched, and much to the surprise of the others in the room, he pressed his hands into his eyes, wiped them and sniffed. His voice cracked as he addressed both of them in English, "I just can't watch her go through that again. I don't want to see her go another day without eating or showering. I don't want to be kept up at night to the sound of her sobbing. It's killing me."

He looked away from the orange-haired man. While he didn't know what Chad had said, Ulquiorra could hear the emotion in the man's voice. Slowly, he nodded. "I hope she finds happiness with you Kurosaki. You won't hear from me again," he stated before turning around and opening the door. After stepping out into the hall, Ulquiorra shut the door and started walking towards the stairs. He didn't expect to make eye contact with anyone, especially a redhead with dark eyes.

She stopped in her tracks three steps below him. Her eyes widened but she made no other indication that she saw him. She was dressed for work in a skirt and blouse, but she didn't look that great. Everything was just a little too big. Her hair was not as shiny as it once was. The bags under her eyes couldn't be hidden by the make-up she wore. She was still broken.

Seeing Ulquiorra standing before her felt like seeing a ghost. She was frozen.

Great. This was perfect. Kurosaki was going to kill him. Taking a deep breath, Ulquiorra took in her appearance. She looked like she'd walked through hell and back again. He was positive that he didn't look that great. Alcohol and coffee wasn't the world's smartest diet plan. Sleeping four hours a night wasn't that good for the dark shadows under his eyes or the gaunt look of his face and body. It didn't matter.

She was going to be happy with Kurosaki. All he had done since striking up a conversation with her was to try to hurt and lash out at her. Ulquiorra cleared his throat and stared at Orihime. "Miss Inoue, um, your copy of Nonsense Songs ended up in my belongings. I've returned it."

He didn't want to talk to her but he felt like he should explain why he was there. It seemed like the right thing to do. He gave her a nod then Ulquiorra began to walk down the stairs. He didn't want to walk away from her but Kurosaki was right. He didn't get to come into her life again; not when he fucked it up time and time again.

As he passed, a small, trembling hand caught his sleeve.

She didn't know why she did it. She couldn't even see through the screen of tears coating the surface of her eyes. She couldn't breathe for fear that she would catch his scent and be cast back into the depths of hell. But she couldn't let him go, either. Not like that.

When she stopped him he didn't move. He stood there almost beside her. Ulquiorra swallowed. This was painful. This took him right back to the middle of April when he walked out of that apartment without her. "O," he said in a questioning manner and turned his head to look at her. He wanted to grab her and plead with her to forgive him but nothing else came out.

She said nothing. The grip on his sleeve tightened. Her breathing became heavy. She concentrated on it. She held onto the sleeve and counted her breaths. One… Two… Three… Four… Five. She let go.

His eyes burned. Watching her fingers let go of his shirt just made his heart break more. The ring in his pocket was useless. Those letters carefully penned by the eloquent U. C. were garbage. Ulquiorra's breath was ragged and he nodded. "Congratulations," he said quietly before running down the rest of the stairs. He didn't stop until he was at the street.

The distance did nothing to muffle the pained wail he heard coming from the stairwell. He knew that sound would haunt his dreams and nightmares.

Orihime sunk back down into the pit. She was on her hands and knees, still on the stairs, when Ichigo and Chad found her minutes later.

Chad grabbed one side of Orihime, hauling her to her feet while Ichigo grabbed the other. It didn't take much for them both to walk her the rest of the way to the apartment. This breakdown was completely different than the ones before. What the hell had Cifer done to her, Chad wondered. He was about to put Orihime on the couch when he saw blood dripping onto the floor. He turned his head and looked at the path they walked into the apartment. A trail of red followed them.

"Uh, Ichigo?"

Ichigo may have been a medical student, but he was not an OBGYN and he was not used to dealing with personal medical emergencies. All he knew was that she was hemorrhaging from between her legs, heavily. He. Freaked. Out.

"Orihime, look at me. Look at me!" he shouted. She did, but her eyes were barely open and she was pale.

"Chad, we have to get her to the hospital," he paused and grit his teeth. "You might want to call Cifer."

"Why do we need to call Cifer? She's dying! You can't lose that much blood and live!" Chad's voice was frantic as he looked around for something. "You're a doctor, can't you do something? Get a towel or a bandage?"

"Chad, do you know how to deliver a baby or help a woman having a miscarriage? Because I sure the fuck don't yet! Those are the only reasons I know of to see this kind of blood loss. We have to get her to the hospital now. " Ichigo grabbed her under the arms and started to pull.

He started freaking out more. "Uh okay. Wait, what? What do you mean to deliver a baby? What? I don't-" Chad shook his head. "Okay, if we carry her to the hospital it's faster than waiting for an ambulance, right? Also cheaper. So, Ichigo, you call whoever while we walk or run."

Ichigo nodded and helped secure Orihime into Chad's arms while he looked around frantically for his phone. Chad was already halfway down the stairs with her when he finally found it and slammed the apartment door closed behind him, not bothering to lock it.

When they were clear of the building, Ichigo scrolled through his contacts quickly until he got to Ulquiorra's name. Despite the acid threatening to make him lose his stomach contents, Ichigo pressed the call button.