FAMILY AND LOSS

DISCLAIMER: NCIS and characters do not belong to me.

SUMMARY: Ziva and Tony have been dating in secret for a few months. No seems to know. Something happens and secrets are exposed.

CHAPTER 29: VALENTINES DAY AND FIGHTS...

After spending a few more minutes going through the box and thinking about Tali, Ziva realized she was still hungry.

When she had seen Tony going through the box and finding the picture, she had forgotten for a moment.

THE KITCHEN...

So now it was five thirty in the evening and she sat at the table, because Tony had refused to let her help make dinner.

She was thinking and let out a gasp, which made Tony spin around.

"I just realized something." She told him. "What?" Tony asked.

"In less then a month on March 25th it will be one year ago...that Tali died and the night you left." Ziva said.

"Why did you have to bring up the part about me leaving that night? I thought we were past that." Tony told her and she glared at him.

"Because that's what happened, Tony." She told him.

"I thought you had forgiven for that and that's why you wanted me to stay that night. After that we started sleeping together again and in December you got pregnant." Tony told her.

"I have forgiven you, but sometimes it's just hard to forget. You hurt me a lot the day you left..." Ziva began.

"I know that I should have stayed and we could have dealt with her death together. We could have moved on sooner, but Ziva we can't change the past." Tony told her as he put a hand on her cheek.

"I know." She whispered.

"Are we okay now?" Tony questioned her.

"I...do not know, but I do know..." She began and looked at him.

"What?" Tony asked and she smiled.

"That I'm still hungry, my little hairy butt." She told him.

"You haven't called me that in a year!" He told her with a smile of his own and kissed her, but a minute later, she pulled away.

"I know, now will you please finish dinner? I'm not the only one that's hungry you know." She told him.

He turned back to the stove and started dinner, but as he did, she jumped up and ran from the room. He heard her in the bathroom getting sick and after a few minutes, she came back.

"Ar..." Tony began.

"Morning sickness, but it seems worse then it was when I was pregnant with, Tali." She told him.

"Maybe it's tw..." Tony began with a smile.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Tony DiNozzo!" She warned him.

"Hey, you said you saw the doctor the other day..." Tony began.

"I did and the next doctor's appointment is April 18th." Ziva told him.

"Were you going to tell me or go on your own?" Tony asked as he put the spaghetti on two plates and set them on the table.

"Of course I was going to tell you, but we've been so busy. We found Sean on the 11th and then I only told you yesterday. Then today we went over to tell everyone else, I haven't had time to think about telling you and then I forgot." Ziva told him.

"Ziva, today is February 13th." Tony said.

"I know, Tony." Ziva told him. "Don't you know what tomorrow is?" Tony asked.

"Another day in February." She told him.

"Valentine's Day and I have a special night planned." Tony told her.

"Tony, I don't want to go anywhere. I would rather just stay home with you." Ziva told him.

"Come on, Zee. Sarah agreed to watch Todd and Sean, so that McGoo, Abby, you and I could go out." Tony said as he looked at her and she just looked at him.

'He looks so handsome and is now starting to act the same way he used to, before we started dating.' Ziva thought with a smile and finally agreed.

FEBUARY 14...

VALINTINES DAY...

"I feel so fat." Ziva said after she had gotten dressed and ready to go.

"You're not fat, that's a part of us growing in you." Tony said as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and began to kiss her neck.

"Tony..." She said with a groan.

"What?" He asked.

"We have to go meet Abby and Tim." Ziva told him, but leaned back against him.

"We could just call and tell them we can't make it." He said and kissed her neck again.

"We can't." She told him and pulled away.

They finally made it to the restaurant and made their way to the table.

"You used to call me McTardy." Tim said as Ziva and Tony sat down.

"Shut up, McNosey." Tony said as he sat down between Tim and Ziva.

"What's wrong with you?" Abby asked.

"He wanted to cancel the plans with you two and stay home." Ziva replied, before Tony could say anything.

"Why don't you just announce it to the world?" Tony said turning to her.

"It was your idea to go out tonight, I told you I wanted to stay home." Ziva told him.

"Then when I suggested it you said we couldn't." Tony told her and through the rest of the dinner, the two ignored each other.

After a while, Ziva could not take it anymore and excused herself. Abby got up and followed her into the restroom.

Tim waited until Abby and Ziva were out of earshot before turning to Tony.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"I know I made plans to meet you and Abby here with Ziva, before talking to her. I told her last night and then tonight I saw her, I changed my mind about wanting to go out. She said it was too late to cancel, so we ended up coming anyway." Tony told him.

"Why did you change your mind?" Tim asked and Tony looked at him.

"Do you remember what it was like years ago? Before Ziva and I broke rule 12." Tony said.

"Yes, if you wouldn't have broken that rule..." Tim began.

"It was just so much easier then. Now everything has changed since then and it seems like...I don't know, I just can't explain it." Tony finished.

"You feel like life just became harder?" Tim asked.

"I was so happy when I started dating Ziva and the day Tali was born. Last night Ziva brought Tali's death and the day I left again. She keeps bringing up." Tony began.

It was at that point that Ziva and Abby sat back down.

"I keep bringing what up, Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Tali and when I left." Tony told her.

"So instead of just us talking about it, you want to talk to everyone about it?" Ziva asked.

"What do you want me to do? Every time we start to talk about Tali, you either push me away or start crying." Tony told her.

"She was our daughter, would you like me to act like I didn't love her? The day..." Ziva began.

"Don't bring up that day, I still remember very clearly what happened. At the time she died you pushed me away and I know y..." Tony shot back. "You don't have a clue how I felt that day!" Ziva yelled standing up and knocking over her chair.

The waiter came over and not so nicely asked them to leave. Once they got back to Ziva's apartment, they continued to fight.

"Do you keep bringing up Tali and me leaving to hurt me?" Tony yelled as they walked in the door.

"Hurt you? You were the one that hurt me! Our daughter died and..." Ziva began.

"There you go again! You told me I didn't have a clue how you felt that day. I did, because I felt it too! You were not the only one that lost her! When I reached out to you, you pushed me away! I didn't know what to do!" Tony yelled.

"I pushed you away, because I am tired of it!" Ziva shot back.

"Tired of what, Ziva?" Tony asked, lowering his voice.

"Trusting and getting hurt every time I do!" Ziva yelled back tears in her eyes.

"Ziva, you once told me something. You said that, 'you trusted your brother, Ari and your trusted, Michael.' Then you said at that time that, 'you couldn't afford to trust me to.' Something changed that day, do you remember?" Tony asked no longer yelling.

"No, Tony, I do not." Ziva whispered.

"Didn't you start trusting me after that day? Or did you not mean what you said about me always having your back and you were wrong to question my motives?" Tony asked.

"Why are you bringing that up now, Tony? That was years ago." Ziva told him.

"Because, Ziva, I want to know what changed between what happened that day and what's happened to us in the last seven years." Tony told her.

"You left when I needed you the most." Ziva told him.

"I didn't know what else to do, Ziva. You pushed me away and shut me out. What did you expect me to do?" Tony asked as she sat on the couch and he sat down beside her.

"I do not know, Tony. I want to trust you again, but I'm scared if I do...something will happen and I'll lose you forever." Ziva told him. "I didn't mean to hurt you by leaving you when you needed me the most and I promise it won't happen again. Ziva, we need to get past this. I love you, I have from the moment I met you and nothing is going to change that. Not losing our daughter and not time." Tony said as he took her hands.

"I know you love me, but things have changed. We had worked together for years before we started dating and before Tali was born. Then the three of us became a family and after a little over five years that was lost. We parted after we lost so much and every time one of us hurts the other, we go our separate ways for months at a time..." Ziva began looking down at their hands.

Once this baby is born, I promise you that will never happen again." Tony told her.

"We do not know that, Tony. It is always something with us." Ziva told him.

"Ziva, can you for once just trust me enough to believe that no matter what I will never leave you again? We're a family and before we got together...we were both part of the NCIS family together. When you joined NCIS. You not only joined the team, you joined a family." Tony told her and she laid her head against his shoulder.

"I am just tired of surviving it all...I went from being a Mossad Operative to becoming an NCIS/Mossad Liaison; to becoming an NCIS Agent. I'm doing what I love, but I am not sure about a lot of things anymore." She told him.

"Like what?" Tony asked gently.

"It is something that I cannot explain, I used to be sure of everything. Then once Tali was born and then when we lost her. I forgot who I was before she was born, before we started dating. I forgot I used to be a Mossad Operative and then an NCIS Agent. I am not sure who I am anymore." Ziva told him sadly.

"Listen to me, Ziva David - DiNozzo." Tony said and she looked up at him.

"I do no..." Ziva began.

"I will always be here to remind you who you are." Tony promised, pulling her to him and kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you, Tony." Ziva said as her eyes began to drift shut.

"Come on, let's go to bed." He said as he got up and getting up they walked into her room.

It was well after ten thirty and they had been talking for the last hour.

After a minute, she fell asleep and Tony wrapped his arms around her.

"Never forget who you are, Ziva." Tony whispered and then fell asleep himself.