Twenty Nine: Nightmares and Hot Drinks
Green, rolling hills stretched out before his eyes. His little brother stumbled next to him, and they both laughed. They were just two little boys, happy in their world of eternal spring.
Strong arms reached for them from behind and they were pulled into the warm embrace of the familiar black haired, black eyed man. A large grin adorned his face and both boys grinned back. From their sides, two woman came out, one a brunette and the other a blonde, and both smiled at them lovingly, so startlingly similar in that regard despite the differences they had.
And then, all of a sudden, the scenery turned into that of a dark room, lit only by minimal lights. A circle was drawn in the middle of the room, and both women stood there.
"Edward…" they called, their voices merging into one. Underneath that was something darker, something terrifying, something that wouldn't spare their eyes from the horrors that lay ahead. "We love you…"
The golden boy screamed when both women melted. Their skin peeled off of their faces like melted candle, before dripping to the floor and staining the intricate circle red. Before long, both women crumbled to the floor and seemingly merged into one.
"Brother…!"
He gasped and turned aside. "Al – !"
Right before his eyes the little brother he loved so much slowly disintegrated, gone into who knew where.
"No… no… not him…!"
The clang of iron meeting the floor, the feeling of steel under his fingertip. Another circle was drawn.
"Edward… what have you done?"
The black eyed and black haired man stood behind him. His eyes stared but did not see. A cloud of white hung in his eyes. He could no longer see. The boy screamed again, this time in horror, when the man fell face-first to the floor, and again when his body disintegrated into sand.
"No… no… no…!"
"Edward…" distant voice called him. He turned and felt tears of horror pricking his eyes when he saw something he couldn't recognize – for it did not seem human – crawled to him. "Edward… why couldn't you make mommy better…?"
"Hey, Ed…"
He gasped. This voice. This was a recent one. A new addition. He turned, almost too scared to look, but forced himself to anyway. Tears pricked at his eyes again.
"Why the long face?"
"Ethan…?"
"I don't get it, Ed… you're a State Alchemist. You're the Fullmetal Alchemist! Aren't you supposed to be a powerful person?"
Red bloomed in Ethan's stomach. A dark, shadowy figure stood behind him. Ethan jerked, but his face was a disturbing mask, showing nothing within. Something gleaming pierced through his flesh. Blood dripped.
"Why couldn't you save me?"
His face was painted with question, hurt. Maybe accusation. He jerked again with a gasp when the glint of metal was pulled out of his body from behind. The shadowy figure vanished into smoke as Ethan fell to the ground.
He screamed. He tried to get to him, but something was wrong. He couldn't move his right arm and left leg. But he needed to get to Ethan but he couldn't move. He tried walking, he tried crawling, neither worked.
"Ed…"
He turned to Ethan. "Wh... what?"
There it was. He was accusing him with his eyes, that much was clear now. There was something that punched him right in the gut in how piercing it was.
"Why, Ed?"
For a brief moment, it was all silent. And then all of a sudden he was surrounded by the sounds of people screaming and screeching in agony. Eyes stared at him, all blaming, all accusing. Red soulfire eyes, brown loving eyes, sherry red calculating eyes. Eyes black but clouded with white confusion. Eyes brown, staring with a mixture of pain and confusion on top of the accusation.
He closed his eyes, feeling the tears that had gathered finally dropping. He wanted it all to stop. He wanted out. His breath fastened, and before long, he opened his mouth to let out a scream.
His eyes snapped open when he heard the piercing sound of a terrified, broken scream. He looked around, wild eyes glancing everywhere, his mouth opened in a scream of his own that never quite sounded. He pulled himself up, once more looking around the room. It was then that he realized he was on his bed. He frowned. He didn't remember going to bed. With a frown, he turned to the window he had been sitting by. Tiny was there, half crouching and half laying on a small pillow. She stared at him when she felt his gaze and meowed.
He turned to the closed door. The sound of the scream had gone, now replaced by a set of broken sobs muffled by the door.
Tiny meowed again, louder this time, and he turned to her again. The cat's piercing yellow eyes were practically demanding him to investigate the sound.
He sighed. "Fine," he threw his blanket over and walked out the door, following the sound of the sobs. It came from the other room, he realized. He knocked at the door softly and pushed it open, and there by the doorway he stood frozen.
There, sitting on the bed, were Roy and Riza. Roy's face was buried in Riza's shoulder, obscured by her hair, as the woman whispered soothing words into his ear and rubbed comforting circles on his back. Racking sobs came from him.
And it was wrong. Just… wrong. Roy Mustang wasn't supposed to be crying. He was annoying jerk who would do anything to get a seat in higher-ups of the military. He wasn't supposed to be crying.
"Edward…" He jumped when he heard Rizza calling. "Can you go to the kitchen?" she requested. "Heat some water and milk for me. I'll be there soon."
"I… okay," Edward nodded and dashed as quietly as possible to the kitchen. As he did what Riza requested him to, his mind wandered to his dream and what finally woke him up. Did Roy also have a bad dream?
A meow told Edward that Tiny had come. He sighed. "Fine, I'll get you some milk too," he told the cat.
He waited until the milk and water bubbled, signaling that they were already heated. After he turned off the stove, he sat on a chair by the dining table, staring at how Tiny bathe herself and basically did nothing. His mind was still plagued by the nightmare that had just haunted him. He still trembled when he remembered Ethan's face in his dream.
He sighed at stared at the table, and for the first time realized the existence of an inconspicuous manila folder sitting on the table. He frowned, wondering what was inside. His hand reached out to it.
"Stop! Don't touch that!"
Edward froze and turned. He came face to face with Roy, who stared at him with something he couldn't recognize. His eyes were bloodshot, a reminder of his tears, and his hair was ruffled and messy. He panted and repeated, "Don't touch that. That is an order."
"You're not the boss of me."
Roy gave him a pointed look.
"Dammit," Edward muttered. "Why?" he asked instead, hand still hovering over the folder. "What's inside it? Why can't I touch it?"
Roy seemed to have an internal struggle for a moment before he answered, "It's the photographs of the crime scene."
"Then why can't I see them?"
"Do you really want to see Ethan's dead body, Ed?"
Edward winced but went ahead anyway. "I've already had mental images anyway."
Roy shook his head, eyes staring with something akin of hurt and pity. "Having a mental image isn't the same as seeing the real thing, Ed. You know it."
Edward considered Roy's words. Realizing the truth in it, he pulled his hand back, even though his eyes still stared at the folder. Roy sighed in relief before sitting across of him, pulling the folder to him and placed it on the empty seat by his.
Edward squirmed in his seat. Both males still hadn't talked since the night Roy scolded Edward. It was awkward to sit face to face like this.
Edward jumped when a mug was placed in front of him. He looked up to see Riza gazing at him. "Um, what is this?"
"Hot chocolate," Riza answered as she placed another cup in front of Roy, which he took and sniffed immediately. "I know you don't like milk, so I didn't use it in yours."
Edward picked the mug tentatively before blowing gently on the surface and sipped the liquid. "It's good," he whispered.
Riza smiled a little, taking another mug that she cradled in her hands. "It's good for the nerves," she said. "You had a nightmare, didn't you? You were yelling." Her eyes stared into his with guilt. "I'm sorry. I should've come to wake you up."
Edward shook his head. "I would've stayed, too, if I were you. He needed more help, right?" Edward gestured with his chin at Roy. At the look Roy sent him, he shrugged. "You woke me up," he whispered into his mug.
"I'm sorry," Roy muttered. Edward simply shrugged. The older man shifted in his seat before asking, "Do you want to talk about it? Your… dream?"
Edward looked away. "You're the one who woke up screaming. I'd say you need to talk about it more than I do."
Roy froze, and Riza stared. Edward sighed. Really, if he didn't want to talk about what he dreamt about he shouldn't have asked Edward about his dream.
But Roy surprised him when he spoke up. "I dreamt about Ishval."
Edward stared, as did Riza. Her hands put the mug she cradled to the table and one of them reached to Roy's. He accepted the touch immediately, fingers curling into Riza's.
"It was probably triggered by those photos," Roy had no qualms about hiding his disdain, openly glaring at the manila folder. "I dreamt about fire. About people that I… killed… in there. Everyone in the team was there, including you, and also Alphonse. They all…" he swallowed thickly. "They fell, and…" he gave a shaky breath. "… all my fault," he muttered under his breath, nearly inaudible.
Edward sipped his drink. "So even the great Flame Alchemist isn't spared from the nightmares," he noted. He could feel Roy's eyes sharply glaring at him, but he ignored it, opting instead to sip the hot chocolate loudly. Only then did he realize that his hands were trembling. He cursed inwardly as he placed his mug back on the table. "Equivalent exchange," he spoke suddenly, startling Roy and Riza. "You told me yours, I'll tell you mine." He tapped on the table with his fingers, wishing that it would make his trembling less obvious, even though he knew it was futile. "I was back in Resembool. I was with my family." He intentionally left out the bit that both Roy and Riza were in his dream. Riza was okay, but there was no reason to inflate Roy's ego further. It had nothing to do with his own embarrassment, of course. "It was the night I made that transmutation. Mom turned into… that… thing." His hands were practically shaking. Shit. "Al… gone. And then there was Ethan, and he... he blamed me." He clenched his fists. They were still shaking. He opened his mouth, wanting to say more, but found that he couldn't say another word. He slumped into his seat.
Silence draped in the room before Roy broke it. "That sounds like it sucked."
Edward snorted. "It sucked a lot," he agreed. He couldn't still his hands. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly in an attempt to collect himself, only to swear inwardly again when it came out shaky.
Roy stared before asking, "Are you alright?"
Edward shrugged. "I've been better," he answered carelessly, but he knew both Roy and Riza could see through him. He took a careless gulp of his drink, feeling the liquid scalding his mouth. He made a face, putting the mug back down and making a mental note to wait until the drink was cooler before drinking again.
"Edward," Riza sighed, slipping into the seat closest to his, one hand reaching to envelope his in hers, though unwilling to let go of Roy's. "It's okay," she whispered. "You'll be okay."
Edward shifted backwards when he felt heat rising in his back, rising to his face. He was about to cry. But he shouldn't. He turned away, biting his lower lip, willing himself not to cry.
"What you went through was horrible," Riza continued. "You can't possibly hope to go through all that on your own. We can help, Edward."
"He looks like he needed help just as much as I do, if not more," Edward glanced to Roy, who glared at him in annoyance. Edward didn't realize it, however, too busy wondering whether he was more upset that his voice was hitched in his throat or that he admitted he needed help.
"What's wrong with helping each other?" Riza asked. "Both of you are human. It's only natural that you'd need another human's help."
Edward opened his mouth in protest, only to close it again and sighed. "That's true, I suppose," he whispered, voice hitched still.
Roy extended his hand and clasped it over Edward's other hand, the one that Riza didn't hold. Somehow, they ended up forming a sloppy circle over the table. Edward stared at the man, and he stared back. There was no word that he spoke, but his eyes silently asked that Edward accepted whatever help Roy would offer, and pleaded that their petty cold war could end. He was asking for forgiveness, but only with his eyes. Edward supposed it was good enough. He nodded.
"Ishval… was it?" Edward asked tentatively, directing the question to Roy. He was glad to realize that his voice was no longer hitched, and that his hands no longer shook, finally stilling under the warmth of Roy and Riza's hands.
Roy looked away. "Yes," he answered at last.
"And… flames?"
Roy's smile was crooked, hurt. "And there, you have it," he told Edward. "The reason why I don't want you to learn flame alchemy."
Edward's eyes went wide. Flame alchemy… the people he killed, all his fault… Edward could feel his face paling. No wonder Roy didn't want to teach flame alchemy.
They stayed that way for a while, sitting in silence and feeling each other's warmth through their hands. It was Roy, in the end, who broke the hold first, taking his hand off Edward's to take a sip of his now cool hot chocolate. Edward followed his example, taking the mug off the table and sipped, feeling the drink slowly warmed him up and calm his nerves. Only Riza stayed still, holding their hands and anchoring them to the world, glancing back and forth at the two of them as though trying to make sure both were alright.
"I think we should all go back to sleep," Riza announced after all mugs had been emptied. "There's no use staying up all night, and we'll still have to open the shop tomorrow."
Edward nodded. "Right," he agreed, looking around. "Uh, Tiny…?"
"She's already asleep, Edward," Riza pointed at the couch, where Tiny was already curled comfortably. "You should be, too. Come now."
"Wait, Riza," Roy caught Riza's wrist as she stood up. "Are you alright?" When Riza opened her mouth, Roy added, "Don't lie. You know as well as I do that I'll be able to tell."
Edward stared. "Did you have a nightmare too?"
Riza stayed silent for a moment before answering softly, "In a war, snipers' shots are guaranteed kills. This is why snipers are highly valuable. The upside of the skill, aside of having a guaranteed success rate, is that you don't have to feel your victim die. However… the downside is that you'll be able to see the moment of their death through the sniping scope." Her eyes flicked to Roy, then to Edward, then she lowered her gaze.
"Riza…" Roy sighed. "You're not killing me."
"You gave me permission to."
"I know you. You wouldn't unless it is absolutely necessary."
"But I did in my dream."
"A dream isn't real," Edward muttered. "It won't come true. Right?" The image of Riza melting together with Trisha and Roy, walking blindly around hovered in Edward's mind.
"It won't," Riza answered. She smiled slightly and pulled her hand away from Roy's hold. "Goodnight," she said at last as she walked back to the room she shared with Roy.
A/N: wow. I didn't expect that I'd upset so many people with killing Ethan. It kinda makes me wonder if I'm a good writer, or a bad person, or both. Some people even asked to have it changed because they didn't want Ethan to die. Sorry, folks, but that's not going to happen. I've decided this since the thirteenth chapter (I think?) so no, a sudden change isn't going to happen.
And Happy Holidays, guys! I hope you've all had a lovely holiday, and even lovelier new year, later. We've all managed to survive another year! Yeah!
Now, to business. So many people requested a nightmare chapter! Alheli, TwilightClaw, jelexd, dragoscilvio, Lord Nitro, JinkiesCrown, and Emptyinkbottle (AO3) all did. You naughty, naughty kids. You must've made it to the naughty list this year. A guest also asked to have Roy as the boys' real dad and Riza as their second mom in a dream. This is totally vague but you got it. And, also really really vague in this, but Skadarken-Weiz wants to see Ed helping Roy and Riza with their demons. I'd say they all help each other, though...
So. Once again, Happy Holidays. Please leave me some reviews, and hope you all have a great day.
