Chapter 28:
Total Collapse
I wake up to a strong set of arms around me, squeezing me, holding me up, keeping me steady. I manage to swallow despite the biting pains in my throat. I try to open my eyes but soon realize the pain—in every part of my body—is making it impossible to move more than a needle's length. I hear a soft breath above me, an exhale of relief.
I'm able to open my eyes just as I feel a set of lips pressed ever-so-softly to my forehead. When the man lifts his head, I suddenly realize it's Razin who's holding me. "Oh, oh she's awake! Thank the Gods, she's really alive."
What? What is he doing? Where are we? Why are we not in the palace? Where on Earth is Xerxes…? Xerxes. He tried to kill me. That man tried to kill me… And my baby. My child. Oh, my Ra. My child. I was expecting a baby. What happened to my baby? Am I still…? I can't think about that now. I have to figure out what the Hell is going on.
The pain in my throat subsides long enough for me to finally speak. "Razin..." I swallow before raising my voice. "Razin!"
He looks down at me, a worried smile gracing his face. "Yes, my Lady?"
I look up and around and notice that my horse is following along side the colt we're riding. I breathe a sigh of relief to know that she's with me. I continue to look around, to try to get a bearing on my surroundings, but I can't. The only thing I can see around me is sand. An entire sea of sand. I swallow again as I try to relax. I lick my lips before I respond. "Where are we?"
"We're on our way back to Egypt… I always said I wanted to go, remember?" he replies with a sly smile.
I sit up in his arms and turn around to face him. "… On our way to Egypt?" He nods softly. How are we on our way to Egypt…? Something is very wrong here. I don't understand this. I jump off his horse and into the sand before falling back down. Khepri trots to my side, and leans her head down to see if I'm all right. I nod to her, and use her reins to pull myself up. I swallow heavily and put my hand to my forehead. "Why aren't we in Susa? How did we get out?" I rest against my horse as I try to make sense of all this.
Razin sighs heavily and dismounts his steed. "I took you away from there… after I realized what the Emperor was trying to do to you, my Lady. Please accept my sincerest apologies for not arriving sooner, or more importantly, for not preventing him from attacking you." He bows deeply.
I press my lips into a hard line. "How long was I… how long did it take for you to find me?"
"Not more than an hour or so. Luckily for us both the poison he uses takes at least an hour to kill a man."
I instinctively put my hand to my stomach and look down at the sand beneath my feet. "And Xerxes… is he still…?" Just then I remember my plans for Xerxes. I figured he'd pull a stunt like this, and I came to Persia prepared. But I don't know if it's worked or not. So for now I have to throw Razin off my trail.
"Yes, I left him alive. It was all I could do to get you out of the palace alive, let alone worry about avenging your attack."
"Rest assured, Razin, if anyone is going to take revenge, it's going to be me. And I won't be worrying about him at least until I make it back to Egypt." I climb atop my horse and watch as he remounts his steed.
"If that is the case, Lady, then I regret to inform you that you will have to start worrying soon… if my guess is correct, we should be on Egyptian soil by dusk." I give a sigh of relief and immediately start organizing my thoughts as I prepare to convene my court. I grow deathly quiet, and my face becomes a hard, stoic expression. "Is everything all right, my Lady?"
"Hm? Oh, yes, yes. I'm fine. I'm just thinking about some things."
"Anything you would care to discuss? You look troubled."
"I assure you, I'm quite all right. And you'll find out soon enough… Sunset, you say?"
He gives a nod. "M'm. My best guess. I'm not entirely sure, but I know that we are nearing the ends of the Persian dessert." I nod and purse my lips as I continue to think. We ride, silently for the most part, back to Egypt. Luckily Razin was only off by a few hours, and we arrive with still a couple of hours before sundown.
By the time we reach the palace gates, a horde of subjects has gathered to welcome me back. I smile softly and manage a small address before sending them about their business and heading inside. "So it's true what they say…"
"Hm?" I turn to give Razin my full attention. "What's that?"
"That in Egypt the queen is as deeply beloved as the Pharaoh and as highly regarded as the Sun God."
My eyes widen and I quickly shake my head to disagree. "Oh, I don't know about all that…" My eyes drift down to my feet, "but I must admit I often flatter myself to think that I've earned their respect."
"You're too modest…"
"Come, I'll show you to your rooms," I reply to change the subject. I lead him inside the palace and further on to the Pharaoh's Hall. I lick my lips as I enter a set of guestrooms and usher him in. "These are some of the nicest rooms in the palace. You'll be staying here for now, until you can get better acclimated… I hope they are to your liking."
He looks around, clearly amazed at the carvings and their exquisite color. "This is lovely. I'm sure it will suit just fine," he says with a smile. I swallow. It feels like there's something wrong with his smile. Something… sinister, almost. I shake my head and pass it off as paranoia about Xerxes.
"I'll leave you to your rooms. I'm afraid I've got a lot to do and probably won't be seeing you until at least the evening meal if we're lucky. And I do hope you'll be joining us for the evening meal."
"Yes of course, my Lady. I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Good. The entire court should be in attendance. It'll be a fine opportunity for you to meet everyone," I reply with a soft smile. I watch carefully as his jovial expression falls ever-so-slightly. Odd. I take a deep breath, purse my lips, and leave. I don't have time to think about what that could mean right now.
I finally make it to my rooms to find a few of the things I took to Persia waiting on me. I swallow. Something is not right. How did my things make it back to Egypt? Didn't Razin just tell me he rushed out of the palace as soon as he could? I cross my arms as I try to make sense of all this.
Before I can make any headway, however, I'm interrupted by a set of arms wrapped around me, lifting me up. "You're back! I was so worried about you," Shadi greets me. I turn around to face him and give a soft smile. "Are you all right? How was your trip? Did you get a new treaty accomplished? I assume Xerxes treated you well? The baby-"
"I'm fine. The trip was fine. The treaty has yet to be worked out. Xerxes was Xerxes, and the baby is fine," I lie smoothly.
"Are you sure? I can't imagine how strenuous the journey was…"
"Would you like to check? Will that help you feel better?"
He nods. "It would, yes. Lie down." I nod and do as I'm told. I busy myself with the carvings on the ceiling as Shadi feels around here and there. He sits back, and I hold my breath to await his response. "You're right. Everything is fine. The baby is perfect." So I didn't lose the baby after all. What a relief. I smile weakly as he takes my hands and pulls me up to sitting position. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Satiah."
I shake my head. "It's quite all right, dear. Perfectly natural." I sigh and stand up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I still haven't seen the children yet, and I'm sure you've still got plenty of work to do. So I'll see you later, all right?"
I pat his head as he hugs me around the waist, still sitting. I smile softly when he kisses my still flat stomach before standing up. "I'll see you at the banquet tonight." He smiles and leaves.
I sit back down. I'm not particularly looking forward to a banquet tonight, but it tends to be customary when the queen returns after being gone for days. I guess I should be happy, though-more like overjoyed-to know that my baby is still alive. But I'm not. I'm terrified. All those foreboding feelings come rushing back to me, stronger than ever. I swallow. I have a bad feeling that between my baby and me, one of us is not going to make it out of this pregnancy alive. I shake my head to try and banish the thoughts from my mind.
I sigh, knowing it is a lost cause, and get up to look for the children. If I know Alexandria, she's got her brother down by the river. I exit the palace and go down to the river banks. Sure enough, I find them playing, trying to catch fish with their hands. Little Yujin looks up just in time to see me approach. "MAMA!" He and his sister come running towards me, and I almost fall over trying to catch them.
"Hello, baby." I kiss their foreheads. "Oh, how Mama has missed you. Did you behave? Eat all your food? Attend all your lessons?"
"Yes, yes, and yes, Mommy. Everything was fine," Alex reassures me.
"Come on, let's go inside. It's getting hot out here." I usher them inside and to their rooms. I spend some time playing with them before I decide to get back to work. The first thing on my mind is to find out how my things got back to Egypt, and who brought them. I distinctly remember Razin not having any bags with him, other than a sleeve of water.
I make it back to my room and start to look through my things. I find a scroll sitting neatly on top of my bag and begin to read. I let a small smile creep across my face. I try to continue working when I hear a set of footsteps behind me. I look over my shoulder to see that Mahado has chosen this exact moment to pay me a visit. I sigh. Looks like I won't be getting much of anything done after all. "Your Highness…"
I take a deep breath and turn to face him. "Yes, Mahado? Is there something I can do for you?"
"I know that you're pregnant… Shadi told me…"
I start to shake. I don't have time for this. There are much more important things that I need to do, and I don't appreciate being interrupted for something so trivial. "Are you upset that I didn't tell you? Because I'm sorry, but breaking the news was far from the first thing on my mind considering that I found out on the NIGHT I got Xerxes's invitation…"
"Oh, so you're going to hide behind that now?"
"Excuse me?"
He folds his arms. "You really expect me to believe that you went to Persia all by yourself KNOWING that you were pregnant…? That you would actually go on such a suicide mission?" He shakes his head. "I really didn't know you thought I was so stupid."
I glare at him. "I did, Mahado… Ask Shadi since you two are so close these days…"
"He's no friend of mine, if that's what you're implying." My glare intensifies, and I finally figure out what he's getting at.
He's still jealous. "Oh, so THAT'S what this is about? You're jealous of him, aren't you? You're jealous that I chose Shadi over you, aren't you?"
His gaze falls from me to the floor, and I know I'm right. "No, that's not it. You know that I'm involved with Jessinia…"
I shake my head. "No, you're not… She may fill the void, but you and I both know that she doesn't mean as much to you as I do… or at least as I USED to. And besides, considering the fact that you all but walked out on me when I needed you the MOST, I don't think you get a say in this. He was there for me when you WEREN'T."
"Oh, okay. I wasn't there for you when Atem died. Maybe if…" He rolls his eyes and shakes his head before he looks back up at me with the closest thing to pure hatred I have ever seen in his eyes. "You know, I don't know why I even fell in love with you in the first place, considering what a horrible mother you are."
That is a low blow. I have to look away from him before I can respond. "Do NOT bring my children into this, Mahado-"
"Oh, I'm not talking about your precious HEIRS, Nefertiri," he replies as he starts to pace in front of me. "We both know how good you are to them… I'm talking about the child you left behind for ME to raise."
"Do NOT make this about Anon, Mahado!"
"You're only upset because it's true. You left him behind to marry Atem, and you left me to pick up the pieces."
I swallow the lump in my throat. "Mahado, this is not about my son. Whatever your problem is, it's between the two of us… And I swear to God if you EVER bring him up to me this way again I will-"
"You'll WHAT? Find another way out? Like you did when you married Atem?"
I'm so through with this. "So that's what this is about? You're not jealous of Shadi after all. You're still hurt because you think I walked out on you eight years ago? Eight YEARS ago? If you remember correctly, I didn't have much of a choice at the time. Solori chose me, Mahado. She chose me because she knew that Atem and I would be happy together…" I shake my head to stop the tears.
He stops cold and stares up at me before finally exploding. "I COULD HAVE MADE YOU HAPPY, NEFERTIRI! I WOULD HAVE MADE YOU HAPPY! If you would have ever given me a chance, I would have made you happy… a lot happier than you are NOW, considering."
I bite into my lip as hard as I can as I try to keep my grip on my sanity. I take a deep breath. "Get out…"
"I was going to ask you to marry me, Nefertiri…"
"I said get out!" I turn away from him. I can't bear to face him now.
"I was going to ask you to marry me eight years ago. I was trying to work up the nerve to ask you, considering how close I THOUGHT we'd gotten, but then when Solori told me she'd chosen you to be with Atem, and I saw how you were with him, I knew I wouldn't have a chance…"
I slowly whirl back around to look him in the eye. "Mahado, I… I didn't know… I'm so sorry. You know that I would have-"
"No you wouldn't. Don't lie to me, Nefertiri. As soon as you found out that Solori chose you, and you met Atem, you forgot all about me."
"It wasn't like that. It wasn't even CLOSE to being like that, Mahado…" I try to get close to him, but he backs away. "I thought about you all the time, and you know Anon was all my mind every second of every day. I just-"
"It doesn't matter now." He sighs heavily. "You're happy with Shadi, and I have Jessinia…" I blink when I realize he didn't say he was happy. "It's in the past. I need to move on. I'll leave you to unpack. See you at the evening meal, Nefertiri." He turns and leaves.
I try to rush after him, but when I reach the hallway, he's gone altogether. I lean back against the doorway. I can't believe all those things we said to each other. We've had our fights over the years, but none so bad as this. I push myself off the wall to try to find him. I manage to take just a few steps when I feel a hand grab my wrist and pull me into another room. My response is pointed. "What's going on?"
I turn around to see Razin and notice we're in the set of rooms I picked out for him. "I'm sorry to scare you, my Lady-"
"You didn't scare me-"
"But I have to talk to you. It's urgent. Can you spare a moment for me?"
I sigh. It can't hurt. I was meaning to ask him about my things, anyway. "Sure." I sit down in a chair and cross my legs. I watch him take the few steps to the bed and sit. "What is it?"
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"
"What? Why are you apologizing? You've done nothing to be sorry for-"
"Be quiet. Listen." I blink, taken aback. He's never used this tone of voice with me before. "When the Emperor first told me what he was going to do to you, I have to admit that I didn't much care… if everything went according to plan, you would be dead no less than forty-eight hours after your arrival, and I would be first in line to take over as viceroy of Egypt. A dream come true… If, however, you did somehow manage to overcome and survive, that would've been no matter. We had a plan for that, too. I'd still be governor, and we'd make you my wife. A good will gesture for your people, if you will." I can't believe what I'm hearing. My jaw drops, and I have to clutch the armrests to make sure this is reality and not some strange dream. "But when I saw you in the dessert that day, I knew that I couldn't sit idly by and let Xerxes kill you. I tried to talk him out of it, to have him go with our back up plan as the primary, and for a while it appeared as though he agreed… But then I saw how much poison he put in your wine that morning, and I knew he was going to kill you. So I had to rescue you… Please, please tell me you can forgive me, Queen Nefertiri. I never meant to hurt you in anyway…"
My knuckles are white. I have to stand up just to catch a bit of relief, to make sure I don't break my hand from clutching the chair so hard. My teeth are clinched, and I just barely managed to squeeze a few words between them. "You knew about this… You knew he was going to try to kill me…"
He looks at his hands, folded in his lap. "Yes, my Lady, but-"
"How could you let him do that to me? I trusted you! I thought of you as a friend! You were the only person I could rely on, and now I find out you wanted me dead?" I turn to leave. I can't face this right now.
He grabs my wrist again. "I didn't want you dead, Nefertiri, not after I saw you. I couldn't kill any creature so beautiful as you. Please just listen to me…"
I feel the rage building, flaring up from just a smoldering timber into a roaring blaze. I turn around and slap him as hard as I can with my free hand. "I'm done listening. As far as I'm concerned, you're just as guilty as Xerxes…" I swallow. "I'm going to leave before I do something I might regret later on." I rip my wrist away from him and sprint, as quickly as I can, to the temple of Isis. I barely make it through the doorway before I collapse in tears, and the door slides closed behind me.
I hear a loud, blood-curdling, agonizing sound that just won't quit. It's only after a few moments that I realize the sound is coming from me. I'm screaming as hard and as loud as I can, at the top of my lungs, and I can't stop. I won't stop. I take a deep breaths only to hear each scream become louder and more desperate than its predecessor. I look up at the statue of Isis, coolly staring down at me, calmly playing witness to my overwhelming rage. I suddenly start to speak. "WHY? Why did you take him? Why did you take my husband from me!" I shriek. I finally feel the wet spot on my thighs. Tears. I've been crying this whole time. I wipe my face only to have more tears fall. The words slip out before I realize what I've said. "Everything was so much easier when Atem was alive…" I look back up at my True Mother, and I get a feeling that can only be described as… encouragement? I swallow. She must be trying to comfort me for my loss. It's much too late for that.
I wipe the last of my tears from my eyes, and again, the words slip out before I know it. "What of my pregnancy? Will my baby survive?" That seem comforting feeling washes over me, and the last words hang on my lips. "Will I?" An icy breeze flows through the chambers, chilling me to my very bones. I start to tremble. It can only mean one thing… Death.
I lean over and touch my head to the floor, as if I'm kneeling, and before I know it, everything goes black.
I wake up on my side, legs curled up to my chest. I swallow and blink a few times before I try to get up. It's slow going as my joints have gotten stiff. I shake my head and force my body to comply as I try again. I turn and take a few staggering steps towards the door before I get my bearing. I watch the door slide open and slowly exit.
I look around to see the lights aflame. It must be after dark. I've been out at least a few hours. I decide to go to the throne room to try and think through things. I need to start making plans for my… when the baby is born. I swallow and make my way there. I blink when I hear a commotion coming from that very room. I walk faster and am shocked at what I find.
Shadi, Mahado, and the rest of my Guardians are standing in front of a man in chains. The poor man has been badly beaten and probably tortured. "What is the meaning of this?" I ask, my voice still hoarse and gravelly from my visit to the temple. The man turns around at the sound of my voice, and I jump when I realize it's Razin. I make my way to the throne. "What's going on here?"
"My Queen," Shadi begins, "this man you brought back here. He is a Persian spy. He has orders to kill you."
"Impossible. I survived Xerxes's attack. There are no more plans on my life." I sit down to try and catch my breath.
"I hate to inform Your Majesty that you are mistaken." Mahado hands me a scroll, and I start to read. My jaw drops, and my mouth hangs open for several minutes. Xerxes has sent orders to MY palace commanding Razin to kill me. "As you can see, this man is no hero after all. He is still conspiring with the Emperor. We mean to put him through the Millennium Trials…"
"Excuse me?"
The Keeper of the Scales speaks up. "My Lady, the laws clearly state-"
I stand up, glaring daggers at him. "I AM the Law. Make no Mistake, Karim, this is my kingdom and I decide what transpires, here." I stand up and descend the throne. I approach Razin and am not surprised when all seven Guardians clinch their jaws, obviously tense.
I look down at the pathetic creature in front of me and can't help feeling a small amount of pity. I swallow. "I'm only sparing you, Razin, because you saved my life, and I never let a good deed go unrewarded. That being said, I banish you back to Persia where you belong." I bring my face close to his. "If you so much as think about stepping on Egyptian soil again, I'll have you disemboweled, your throat cut, and your body burned at the stake." I raise my eyebrows. "Do I make myself clear?" He looks down, whatever hope he had gone forever. I turn away and look at the my empty throne. "Leave. Now." I hear the Guardians drop his chains, and they rattle as he takes slow, deliberate, painful steps towards the door.
I slowly walk up the seven steps to the throne. I'm almost at the top when I hear Mahado's voice ring out behind me. "Forgive me if you think I'm questioning your authority, my Queen, but… Don't you think you let him off easily?" I turn and sit. "That man was going to kill you. If he makes it back to Emperor Xerxes-"
"Oh, he won't be making it back to Xerxes…" I smile slyly. I'm almost positive they can sense the malevolence all but seeping from me.
"My Lady," Shadi begins, "what did you…"
I cross my legs as my wicked grin grows. "Does it still count as regicide if an emperor is killed by another ruler?" I take perverse pleasure in watching their faces drop as they make sense of my question. I smile fondly when I remember the poison dates I offered Xerxes just after he handed me tainted wine. Just before I left, I had read that Xerxes had a weakness for dates, and I had a feeling he would try something like the stunt with the wine. Unlike his brew, however, my scorpion toxin works instantly. He probably never even knew what was happening.
Karim works up the courage to speak first. "My Lady-"
I put my hand up. "It's nothing for you to worry about just yet. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I've got a lot on my mind, and I need the time and space to think through it." I let my hand fall in my lap to join the other. "Dismissed." I watch them bow and leave.
I lean over, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. So much has happened today, it's hard to make sense of it all. I can't help thinking that it won't really matter in the end anyway, given what I found out in the temple. I can't help thinking about what's going to happen after I'm gone. Who will take care of the children, who will rule in my stead. How Shadi and Mahado will hold up…
Mahado. I gasp. I was so awful to him today. I have to apologize. I get up and look the whole palace over, until a guard finally informs me that he's gone out by the river banks. After a while I find him at the very edge of the palace grounds, by the gates, sitting against the date palm we planted in Anon's memory, eyes closed. "Mahado…"
He opens his eyes. "I didn't think you had it in you, Nefertiri… Not after Sehetepre." I'm surprised when he smiles fiendishly.
I put my hands on my hips. "If you must know, Mahado, Xerxes tried to kill me as well."
His smile grows. "I know. I just couldn't help thinking you got soft after Atem died… I didn't see that fight in you anymore. But one thing bothers me, though. How did you know it worked? How did you know Xerxes was dead?"
"I sent my courier ahead of me, remember, and I told him to stay until I ordered otherwise. He sent a note, along with my things, informing me of Xerxes's death." I sigh. "But I'm not here to talk about that." I plop down beside him. "I just wanted to apologize, for earlier… I shouldn't have said those things I said-"
He puts a finger to my lips and quietly shushes me. "No, it was my fault. I started it, and I was way out of line…" He reaches behind his back to grab something. He holds it out to me to reveal a shallow pot of water with a beautiful white lotus floating in it. "I was coming to apologize to you, but I couldn't find you… And then everything happened with that man…" I take the pot as he hands it to me. It's so amazing, and so thoughtful. It's just like Mahado, always thinking of me. I burst into tears. "Oh my Ra, Nefertiri are you all right? Was it something I said…? Do you not like the flower? I can get you another one-"
"No, no it's not that. This is perfect. Really. I just…" I start to cry harder. How do you tell your best friend that you might die in a few short months?
Before I can gather my words, though, he grabs me and holds me close to him. "It's going to be okay, Nefertiri. Whatever is wrong, it's going to be okay."
Oh, how I wish I could believe him. I find the strength to speak. "No, it's not…" I look down. "You know I'm pregnant…"
"I do." I feel him swallow, more than likely trying to tame the jealousy and anger rising within him.
"There was… There is… I…" I take a deep breath. "I was praying, in the temple… and I asked for an omen regarding my fate… I got the Cold Wind (1)."
He grabs my shoulders and holds me out to look in my eyes. "So…"
I bite my lip and nod.
He brings me back to his body. He holds me close, silently, for a few moments. I hear his slow, deliberate heartbeats and let them calm me down. He finally speaks after a few moments. "It's going to be okay. This isn't the end. I'm not letting you die. I'll figure out a way around this. I promise. I swear it… I won't lose you, Nefertiri."
It's my turn to pull away from him. I look up and into his eyes. "You can't defy fate, Mahado. You'll die trying."
"Then so be it. I'll do anything for you, Nefertiri. You should know that by now… I'll gladly die to protect you," he says before crushing his lips to mine.
1-Cold Wind: Some Egyptians believed that cool breeze during prayer signaled death.
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Dead Reckoning
