Chapter XXVIII: Rules, Regulations, Seeding, Beer.
'Naruto' sweatdropped. "What the… Uzu, what the hell happened?"
Uzu, who was wearing a bonnet and a dress, sighed. "… A bet, Ki, Hanabi, two sticks of butter, and a plunger. I don't think you want to know, Nacht."
"Are you getting more random?"
"… Yes, Nacht. In my defense, I'm working with Ki. That made Blackie more random."
"And he went on a fucking killing spree. Right. Is Hinata up in the booth? Good. Let's get back to Josh. Maybe we can save the box still."
When the two got back to the main ring of the stadium, they found a fuming Josh gesturing and a small piece of crumpled steel at his feet. "… Lost your temper?"
The brunette popped his visor and shot the two blonds a withering glare. "Don't. Say. A. Fucking. Word."
"… Bacon."
Faster then Uzu could yawn, the swordsman had sent him flying with a nice kick to the gut. "Nice kick." Nacht remarked.
Josh grunted and returned to making gestures in midair, sending signals to his onboard computer. "I spend two days working on this setup, and Ki dumps a lockout bug into the system."
"How did he get in? Ki's about a tech literate as a roll of toilet paper. Hell, at least you can use the TP to clean up shit on the keyboard."
"Don't. Know. Don't. Care. Right. Now. Go. Away. Nacht. I'm. Pissed."
"All right, all right. Jesus. There's no need to bite my head off. You're pissed. I get it."
Nacht strolled away, his trained eye scanning the tops of the stadiums for the disguised kage bunshin. Satisfied, he nodded and walked away, ignoring the glares of the Iwa shinobi now coming down on him. The Id, never to take something like that lying down, retaliated with a blast of his own killer intent, causing some of the chunin to lose their breakfasts onto their senpai's heads. The Tsuchikage was not among their number.
Shrugging at the vomit-drenched jonin who themselves were feeling a bit queasy, he picked up a bowl of ramen and tore into it as a pre-battle power boost. It would have been quiet until the start of the tournament… except that Bee found him and insisted to have a showdown of rhymes.
"For the last time, Bee. I don't want to spit any rhymes! Uzu! You're not bad at rapping! Distract him!"
"… Oh, so now I'm good at something, am I? You always called me good for nothing except a turd or a turd farmer. Why so serious now?" Uzu yawned, stretching his jaw with a sickening crack.
Hiashi humphed at the arrangements that had been provided for him, as well as the other contestants. Gaara was wringing his sand out after it had gotten caught in some logs, stripped the bark off of them. While bloodstained sand is bad enough, having it rub up against your back constantly was just a pain that he didn't want to deal with. His brother was tending to a couple more puppets, muttering something about how moisture was bad for the joints. Temari, who would not be participating, stood nearby, chatting it up with Shikamaru, who looked resigned to being dragged into this tournament.
Moving further along, he saw Team Gai, who was attempting to stretch out for the tournament by hauling giant blocks of stone around. Tenten looked apprehensive, but his nephew had just flat-out refused to do so. Lee, despite both of their protests, had picked up all of them and was now running around in circles, shouting about youth.
Taking another glance farther away, Kiba and Shino were both standing around, talking. Well, ok. Shino was standing around. Kiba was the one shouting at the top of his lungs about how he was going to win. Kurenai, who had shown up for moral support, just shook her head.
However, drowning out even Kiba's ranting was the incessant shouting of both the Raikage and Bee. Bee was attempting to rap once again, and once again, was failing miserably. What the Raikage was yelling about, he had no idea. Something about cucumbers, crabs, a market day, and pandas, all the while completely oblivious to the glares from the many Hyugas around them.
Onoki, that old wrinkly bastard, was stretching out, muttering about how kids these days had it really easy. His son and granddaughter, both sweatdropping, were glancing around nervously. This was, after all, twenty years ago, the center of the enemy heartland. Being nervous was expected, right?
Josh, who had finally finished setting up the network, was sitting in a corner, running two lasers down the blade of his sword, muttering to himself and occasionally nodding. The man's a lunatic. Hiashi concluded, having observed him for a number of minutes.
This continued for several minutes, with several kage bunshin accidentally getting vaporized by the lasers as they wandered by, offering refreshments to the competitors. So far, the largest pile sat next to the Raikage's group, with Bee helping himself to a nice bottle of sake.
This continued for further half hour, the blond himself popping in several times to have a couple of words before rushing back out, looking harassed, often holding random items in his hands.
Tsunade herself poked briefly into the room, glancing around as if looking for someone, then unpoked her head. Apparently, who she was looking for wasn't there.
Finally, Ibiki and Anko, who were both grinning evilly, opened the door. For the former, who was famous for doing his job well, quickly quieted the room.
"All right. Will all competitors follow me? All visitors and noncompetiors follow Anko here, and please don't cut them. Naruto would kill me if had to do more paperwork."
Hiashi looked surprised to see a trace of fear come over the man's eyes. Whatever the blond had threatened Ibiki with, it was enough to unsettle Konoha's top interrogator.
"I'll try not to, but…" She licked her lips. "If anyone looks too tasty, I'll just have to take a sample-"
A marked kunai flashed past her face, drawing an ultra-thin line of blood. "And I'll just have to take a sample of your skull as collateral." Naruto's voice shot in from in front of the pair. "No more fucking around. Comon. Josh, get your ass up here."
"Right. Coming, Nacht."
The swordsman resheathed the blade on his back and followed the blond out of the room. The others, taking this as a cue, followed the pair out into the brightness of the rising sun, shading their eyes after the soft glow inside.
Everyone who wasn't involved in the building of the stadium, that's to say, Naruto, Josh, and to a degree, Hinata, was amazed by the sheer size of the thing. While it wasn't very wide or long, the swordsman had added a second story to the thing, effectively doubling the amount of seats to the public. He had even gone and installed a series of perches if the shinobi present wanted to watch while standing up. A dozen luxury suites as well as a small section of prioritized seating were also available to those who could afford to shell out for them. While an average seat on the second floor cost a mere two hundred ryo, and a seat on the bottom floor doubled that price, the prioritized seats required shelling out ten thousand, and the luxury suites, with the exception of the Hokage's, would set you back a hundred grand.
To make it even more grand, the Commentator's Box wasn't built into the side of the stadium, but rather hanging about fifteen feet off the floor, blocking one of the concession stand from view, but not much else.
Overall, it was a very well-built stadium, complete with two concession stands, a full complement of automated turrets, several restroom suites, and a reinforced bunker for the judge to fall back into in case things went to hell.
With two guardians, two jinchuriki, three kage, and a lot of flammable people around, it could easily and was more than likely go to hell and build a snow fort there.
Tsunade, after Shizune had pried the sake from her hands with considerable effort, walked surprisingly straight for a person who had been drinking for the better part of an hour. Then again, considering the fact that she spent half her time drinking, it was hardly surprising.
"Welcome to the Uzumaki-Hyuga split Tournament!" she shouted to the crowd at large. "This tournament resulted from the attempting split between Naruto Uzumaki and Hinata Hyuga, to which Naruto Uzumaki officially objected."
"Uhh." Naruto raised his hand. "I didn't officially object. Josh kinda objected for me."
"That still counts. And since you've gone to the extraordinary lengths to set up this tournament-"
"Again. That was Josh." The blond sweatdropped. "Speaking of which. This entire thing was his idea. I'm surprised that he got this set up. The bastard's usually too lazy to wipe his own ass-"
"That's because my armor is self-cleaning." Josh shot back. "Continue on, Grandma."
"Ok…" It was Tsunade's turn to sweatdrop. "Apart from too much information there, let us get to the terms of the tournament! Hiashi, if you please?"
The Hyuga Clan leader strode to the middle of the stadium, next to Tsunade, who frowned. Up in the competitor's box, Josh paused mid-bite, observing Hiashi closely with a mouthful of pie, as the cake was a lie.
The said Hyuga coughed. "Yes. Due to mental instabilities, I have decided to break off this contract. Should Naruto Uzumaki lose at any time during this competition, it shall end and I shall decide the fate of my daughter."
"Fair enough." Josh mused as he took another bite. "Mmm… Blackberry."
"However," Hiashi continued, "Should he emerge victorious in the tournament, there must be two more fights. One with myself, her father, and one with my chosen suitor."
"Well," Josh mused again, still eating. "Mmm… Bullshit."
"To the rules, a competitor may only use powers that the other party has. For instance, if one competitor has a Kekkei Genkai, then Kekkei Genkai would be allowed in that match. If two Jinchuriki fight, they can use their bijuu. The opponent is allowed to allow for an opposing power that they do not have to be used."
By this point, Josh wasn't the only one calling bullshit. Shikamaru, despite his genius, was having mild trouble keeping up. "Were these rules made up as they went along? I feel sorry for Naruto."
"We will now reveal the pairings and the seedings!" Tsunade announced as a smirking Hiashi stomped off the field. "For those of you who are unfamiliar with the process, I shall explain! Unlike the Chunin Exams, where the pairs are arbitrarily and randomly picked, I sent them to a third party to have them paired up by terms of power! Also, unlike the Chunin Exams, there are two brackets! Since we have sixteen active participants in this tournament, there shall be seedings one through eight! These pairings are made thanks to EANCAA! Making bullshit decisions since 1906!"
"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune interjected, looking scandalized.
"To the pairings!" At this, an empty bracket, with slots for faces and names popped up on all the screens. "We shall do this from the lowest to the highest seed!"
"Seedings? Well, this should be fun." Josh mused as he took another bite.
"Knowing how much Hiashi hates me, he'll either force us to fight in the first or the last round." Naruto said, downing more ramen.
"Welllll… this is a third party."
"Yeah. And I'm a fucking badger. If Hiashi didn't bribe them somehow, I'll take a bite out of Kyuubi. I would say that I would eat him, but I don't think he would get along well with my ramen."
"At our Number Eight Seeds, we have Inuzuka Kiba of Konoha!" Several fluctuating charts went up, as well as some of his base attacks, the animations making him look rather like a Grey Clifford. "He is above average in the offensive categories, but his defense, speed, and intelligence leave much to be desired."
"HEY!" Kiba roared from his perch. "I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!"
"NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU TAKE!"
"Our other Number Eight Seed is from Suna! Kankuro… You didn't put a last name. What the fuck."
"It's too long! It didn't fit on the piece of paper!" Kankuro called from his spot.
"All right…" Tsunade sweatdropped before being promptly dragged off the field by an irate Shizune.
"That's enough, Tsunade-sama. Naruto-kun hired an announcer for a reason."
"No, really. I'm fine."
Nacht cocked an eyebrow, chucked a kunai, and got the darker man in an armbar before teleporting down to the stadium floor. "I know you're used to calling Grifball and elections, but I paid out the ass for you."
Bill Jenkins got up and massaged his shoulder. "You didn't have to grapple me, you know." He said reproachfully. "That's gonna leave a mark."
"Oh cry me a fucking river."
"You know," Bill said, clearing his throat. "Nacht is a complete ass."
Naruto's eyes flashed briefly before his shoulders relaxed somewhat. "He can be." The blond admitted, rolling his shoulders after having them stiff for so long. "He does his work, and I can control him. Try not to get killed when Josh and I fight, will you?"
"Uh. Yeah. Remind me to run." Bill coughed, obviously used to stress. "Since the Hokage has already kindly stated our Eighth Seeds, I'll proceed with the seventh. Seed Number Seven from the Eastern Division is Konoha's Shino Aburame! With above-average attack and intelligence, he boasts a bugged out battle! Our other Seventh Seed is C! From Kumo, and again, with no last name. Fine. He possesses a high degree of intelligence and has mastery over Genjutsu!"
As he spoke, the screens split, two going for Shino, where a small video was showing him twisting in midair and sending bugs flying, while C was sending projectiles at an obviously confused target. The graphs, this time still fluctuating, were going up overall, though defense remained low for both of them. The crowd, who had lost some interest at the judging change, returned full force, cheering for the people who had entered.
"OUR SIXTH SEEDS ARE BOTH FROM KONOHA! INTRODUCING SHIKAMARU NARA AND NEJI HYUGA! I APOLOGIZE FOR THE WAY I SAY IT! I AM NOT FROM AROUND HERE!" Bill roared, somewhat red-faced. "Shikamaru is off the charts in terms of intelligence for a local, with an IQ of over 200! His offense and defense go up accordingly, though his speed is sorely lacking! Neji is no slacker either, with an IQ approaching 190 and well-versed in the Hyuga Arts! Among his arsenal is the Kaiten and the… Sixty-four Palms? Jesus, Naruto. I can see why you dress up in orange now!"
The blond shook his head among all the laughter Bill was rousing up. The man had always been good at that, though he lacked in funding. Seriously, he made Josh and himself combined look dry in comparison.
"Moving on to Number 5, which beats Number 6 on a top-ten list, we have our Fifth Seeds! Hailing all the way from Kiri, we have Ao and Chojuro! Ao is an expert member of the Kiri ANBU, and Chojuro is a member of the seven legendary swordsman! Am I saying it right? All right. They both have exceptional speed, strength, and intelligence!"
Bill cleared his throat again. "Now, to be fair, anyone has a equal chance of winning this tournament, but let's be fair. TIME FOR THE HEAVY HITTERS! OUR FOUR SEEDS, HAILING FROM SUNA AND KIRI, MAY I INTRODUCE THE GODAIME MIZUKAGE AND KAZEKAGE! THEY BOTH HAVE EXCEPTIONAL OFFENSE, WITH GAARA HAVING EXCEPTIONAL DEFENSE! INTELLEGENCE IS HIGH, AND SPEED IS ABOVE AVERAGE! THEY'LL BLAST THEIR WAY TO THE TOP!"
As the crowd watched, Gaara's screen double sent a tsunami of sand flying, while Mei spat acid at a target, giving the victory sign directly afterwards.
In the stadium, the real Mei blew a kiss at Naruto, who shuddered.
"TO THE NEXT SEEDS, WE HAVE TWO LOCAL LEGENDS! MAY I INTRODUCE KAKASHI, MR. SCARECROW HIMSELF, AND ONOKI OF THE TWO SCALES, THE SANDAIME TSUCHIKAGE! KAKASHI'S INTELLEGENCE ISN'T A PROBLEM, SPEED IS HIGH, AND ATTACK IS EXCEPTIONAL! ONOKI MAY BE OUT OF HIS PRIME, BUT HE CAN STILL TIP A FEW SCALES IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!"
"It's Ryotenbin no Onoki, you idiot! Get it right!"
"Right you are Mr. Scales! Moving on from those two also-rans, we move to the Number Two Seeds!"
"HEY! WHERE'S MY VIDEO!" Onoki shouted, somewhat irritated that nobody there had gotten a flash of his brilliance.
"Sorry, Ki erased it! Anyway, moving on to the Number Two seeds, we have a brother pair coming from Kumo! MAY I INTRODUCE BEE, THE RAPPING GENIUS AND HIS BROTHER, A, THE YONDAIME RAIKAGE, ALSO KNOWN AS THE LIGHTNINNNNNNNNNNNNNG BLITZ! BOTH WITH OUTSTANDING ATTACK, AN OVERWHELMING DEFENSE, AND BLAZING SPEED, THEY ARE TRULY AMONG THE ELITE!"
Loud rap music swarmed from the speakers that dotted the stadium, confusing many of the spectators, as well as enraging many of the competitors. "HEY!" Kiba shouted, as the brothers executed a Double Lariat, decapitating a dummy. "HOW COME THEY GET MUSIC!"
Josh clicked on his external speakers and blasted right back him, almost knocking him off his feet with their intensity. "BECAUSE THEY ASKED AND PAID EXTRA! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE IN THIS AT ALL! NOW SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!"
The video continued, the screen splitting into two segments, showing A with his Raiton no Yoroi active, taking down dummies with ease, and Bee with his Bijuu Cloak, firing off a rapid-fire series of Menacing balls, obliterating the target and leaving a huge smoking crater in its wake.
Everyone gaped silently. The contestants so far were all beyond amazing, and they weren't even to the top seeds yet. Murmurs ran through the crowd as Bill cleared his throat and gestured to the screens, which faded to black and began playing ominous-sounding music.
"And now, the time you've all been waiting for… OUR NUMBER ONE SEEDS! GIVE IT UP FOR NARUTO UZUMAKI, YOUR HOST, AND JOSH… err, should I use your last name?"
Faster then anyone could see, the swordsman warped down and grabbed the man by the scruff of his neck. "If you tell ANYONE what that is, I will PERSONALLY gut and neuter you with my rusty spork."
"Y-You've still got that thing?" Bill said fearfully, turning blue with fright.
"Yes." Josh growled, reaching for something in his pouch. "I keep it nice and rusted. Would you like to see? 'Course, it'll cost you one of your eyes…"
Bill shook his head and whispered something to the guardian, who shrugged and dropped him again. "As long as you don't say it aloud. I didn't really care for you reading my file, and if you start spouting shit, me and my spork are waiting. Just use the usual."
The darker man straightened his shirt as Josh phased back to the competitors box, muttering about overpowered baboons until the said baboon put a bullet right between his legs, almost taking a piece of the man's crotch with it.
"All right, all right. EVERYONE, THIS IS JOSH BADASS!"
Two sets of fluctuating stats popped up, this time using a strange language that none of them could quite understand, but wasn't exactly unfamiliar to them either. Bill, trying to be helpful, scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Ah… Sorry about that, folks. Turns out there is no direct translation into your language, so I'll be reading it out. Umm… Well… eh… Naruto… these stats are twelve hundred years old. You sure they're still reliable?"
Josh snorted. "They're about as reliable as a president's words. No, I've got his latest stats… Let me just push the update…"
Almost immediately, all of the bars started falling dramatically, causing Bill to sweatdrop. "You know, Josh. Maybe this was overkill."
The swordsman snorted again. "Overkill is underrated. That's why we need more of it. Show his glory day videos. Pretty sure he doesn't remember those yet."
At once, the rotating pictures and the stats disappeared, replaced by a shaky angle of Naruto charging up some technique. Then it hit some of the crowd, as well as the competitors. Josh wasn't shaking. The ground he was standing on was shaking. And there was no way this could be an earthquake.
Naruto, who had just finished twisting, shouted hoarsely for Josh, who responded by tossing a kunai at the target and one in the complete opposite direction. As if by magic, the blond took off for the first kunai, his body streamlining.
There was another click, and the crowd was deafened by a huge crack that rang through the stadium. That image and sound faded from the screens as another one came up, this time showing Naruto with a double fistful of raging flames.
"Remind me why I'm doing this again!"
"Cuz you need to get it to gramps to see what you're doing wrong! It's just a Double Firestorm! Don't lose control and destroy everything again!" Josh shouted back, his voice oddly quiet for someone who was shouting.
"Yeah… WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT! SACRED GUARDIAN ART: KATON: DUAL PHONENIX FIRESTORM!"
The blond managed to get the first shot- his left hand, away without too much trouble, but the second one destabilized and covered the screaming blond, who was now trying to desperately seal for some water, only to have his fingers come off in the intense heat.
"THAT WAS NARUTO UZUMAKI! SACRED GUARDIAN! CLASS: S1! AND NOW, FOR OUR OVERALL NUMBER ONE SEED!"
The lights dimmed and a whirring noise filled the stadium as four sets of rollers pulled back a huge tarp, covering the stadium and plunging it into near darkness, the only illumination coming from the concession stand, the odd cigarette, and Josh's armor, which had just exploded in a huge wave of light and color.
He descended slowly, walking in midair as if on invisible stairs, while his doppelganger on the screens did the same, albeit flashing frightening images around them. Wait. That was the same person. Those images really were appearing. They really were in midair.
Josh grinned inside his helmet and drew his sword, silently incanting for a low-level technique. After tracing two fingers along the blade to charge it, he traced out two outlines in midair, giving them a flick, causing them to solidify and take form. Two flame golems. Low level, yes. But nobody else knew that.
"OUR NUMBER ONE SEED! JOSH BADASS! SACRED GUARDIAN! CLASS: PBS2!"
Naruto nearly dropped his bowl in shock, choking on a mouthful of ramen as Josh faded back into the competitors' box, grinning smugly.
"I take it you're surprised?"
Naruto spat a noodle into the garbage, still trying to clear out his windpipe. "Surprised? More like shocked in the ass with two tasers! When the hell did this happen?"
Josh snorted and folded his arms. "Just because you've been gone for twelve hundred years doesn't mean that everybody else stood still awaiting your return, Naruto. There's more to existence than you."
"But you hate training!"
"More than paperwork? Nah. I hate desk duty. That's why I came to get you the moment you called." Josh shrugged again. "Training against golems got real boring after a while, I tell you. Everybody else was gone, and assassination without backup is insanity."
The two turned back to Bill, who had just caught his breath. "AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I INTRODUCE THE FIRST MATCH, JOSH VS KANKURO!"
A general murmuring came from the Suna portion of the crowd. Now was a good chance to see if that stranger actually could back up what he claimed to be.
"You know, Josh. I would wish you good luck," Naruto deadpanned, "But I think Kankuro needs it more. Good luck, Kankuro."
"Erm, thanks?" The puppet master said, rather confused as he left the competitor's box, leaving behind a smirking Josh.
"Puppet master? Oh, this should be fun."
"Don't kill him, Josh." Naruto warned. "You deal with the paperwork if you do."
The swordsman waved one hand nonchalantly as he followed the Suna shinobi down the stairs, preferring not to take the flashy way out.
When they were both gone, Gaara and Shikamaru turned to Naruto, who was sighing.
"He's gonna die, isn't he?" Gaara asked in his usual dry tone.
"Yep."
"Anyway he can win?" the Nara asked in a, equally dry tone.
Naruto snorted, and the similarities between the two was suddenly frightening. "Well, if Kankuro can somehow go in and sabatage the energy shield, the air filter, the backup air filter, the reserve oxygen supply, and his ultra-high metabolism, I might put a hundred ryo on him."
"Only a hundred?" Shikamaru deadpanned as well.
The blond scratched his head. "Oh, yeah… he also carries a nice supply of general antivenoms. Make it a dozen. Ah, whatever. A baker's dozen."
Kankuro had to admit. He was about to shit his pants.
Luckily for him, he wore black.
Josh, on the other hand, had already finished compiling (With Bonnie's help) counterattacks to most of his opponent's attacks.
"All right, I want a nice, clean fight. Especially you, Josh. I don't want to see any feathers involved. Got it?"
The swordsman waved on hand and drew his sidearm. "I won't need to tickle him to death. A nice bullet through the skull should be sufficient."
Kankuro gulped and proceeded to shit his pants.
"Right. FIGHT!"
Bill leapt back, his speed uncharacteristic of his figure. Then again, he was one of Josh's acquaintances, so it was to be expected.
Kankuro immediately went on the offensive, unleashing six puppets and bombarding Josh with a hail of poisoned senbon. If he was to have any chance, it was to stop the guardian from attacking and to slow him down to the point where he could ensnare him in one of the puppets.
Josh, on the other hand, made no effort to dodge. Hell, he didn't even make an effort to move. He just stood there as the needles pinged harmlessly off of his shield.
Upon seeing that the swordsman was taking his storm of poison rather like a sprinkle or two, Kankuro changed tactics, as well as puppets. He retracted four of them, the last two still pouring down a hailstorm, and instead pulled out three bigger ones, this time with kunai and shuriken launchers mounted on the back.
The swordsman looked rather bored as the wave of weapons struck him, again, pinging off of his armor. Hell, the man leaned his head back in a way to indicate that he was yawning!
"Are you done yet? Cuz I think the crowd is getting bored."
"S-Shut up! I'm just getting started."
Josh cocked an eyebrow that nobody else could see. "No, I'd say that you're finished."
With that, he dropped his energy filter and in rapid succession, shot out each and every single one of the chakra lines that Kankuro was using to hold up his puppets, causing them to sag lifelessly to the ground.
When he tried to reconnect, Josh put a round close enough to his ear to make it ring, and decided against it. "I forfeit!" He called to Bill, who ran to the center of the field, raising Josh's hand.
"WE HAVE OUR VICTOR! MOVING ON TO THE QUATERFINALS, JOSH!"
The swordsman waved modestly at the crowd before going over to Kankuro to shake his hand. "Dude, did you just shit yourself?" he said, wrinkling his nose.
"Y-yeah." Kankuro admitted, turning red.
"Well, go get yourself cleaned up. I'll see you around."
With that, Josh returned to the competitors box, while Kankuro was escorted off the field by a medic to check him over for wounds, as well as a fresh pair of pants.
"All too easy." He said before he plopped down and grabbed a loaf of bread and tore into it.
Shikamaru grumbled as he walked down the steps next to Onoki, who was still grumbling himself after having his video cut. "You know, Tsuchikage-sama. If you want, you can have this round. I really didn't want to be here in the first place."
Onoki grumbled and unsealed a head, causing the genius to recoil in shock. "I know what you mean, kid. I know what you mean."
"READY? FIGHT!"
Neither Onoki nor Shikamaru did anything at first; preferring instead to take turns staring at each other, then the crowd, then back at each other. Needless to say, this got very boring very quickly. The crowd would have started to throw crap, but the barrier kept things out as well as in. The first guy found out when he threw a soda can at the barrier, only to have it disintegrate on impact.
"Your move, kid."
"All right… don't say I didn't give you a chance." Shikamaru backed off several steps until he was directly in the shadow of the reopened dome. "Kagemane no Jutsu."
Onoki snorted and jumped back, as well as up. "You'll have to try better than that, boy! I fought against your father in the last war, and he never could get me with that!"
Shikamaru grinned and threw up a fistful of dirt. "Well how about now? Kage Nui no Jutsu!"
Onoki swore as the shadows extended up toward him, free from their ground-bound existence with the new technique. The added dust shadow gave the technique a considerable amount of space to work with, and that wasn't even including the stadium shadow, which, despite the fact that it was working in his favor, still being the morning, was considerable. Couple in the fact that there were patches of dirt here and there, and the kid had a lot of room to work with.
Of course, if he only had those techniques, then that left his body a sitting duck…
And he had a bunch of hot pitchforks ready.
"You asked for it, kid! Jinton: Genkai Hakuri no Jutsu!"
The Nara winced as he pulled back his shadows to form a protective dome around himself, the two jutsu duking it out for supremacy.
However, as both of them fizzled out, Shikamaru was left looking the worse for wear, as he had to use a considerable amount of chakra to repel Onoki's jutsu, while Onoki himself was charging up a second shot.
"This is the end, kid. Might as well forfeit while you still have the chance!"
"I would love to, but then my mother would eat me alive!"
Onoki laughed. "Still scared of your mother! Good! Jinton!: Genkai Hakuri no Jutsu!"
Shikamaru reacted by throwing down two smoke bombs, obscuring everybody's sight of him among those who didn't have a thermal filter.
The Tsuchikage growled as he held the technique in place, waiting for either the smoke to clear or for Shikamaru to rush out. Either way, it was only a matter of time before-
At that moment, a black pineapple-shaped head broke through the smoke, the chunin jacket clearly visible-
And that's when Onoki struck, smashing the cube down on Shikamaru, sending up a huge dust cloud as it broke down into its component dust.
"Well, he's dead. Told him he should have quit-"
"Kagemane no Jutsu!"
"What!"
The shadow shot up and snared the kage before he could react, binding him tightly in place, and with him losing control of the technique, slamming down rather hard on the ground.
"OW MY HIP!"
Shikamaru walked vestless through the now-harmless dust, hands still held in the position in which he made the capture. "Look before you leap, old man. All that dust in the air. Shadows can project onto dust too, you know."
"Damn it…"
Shikamaru sat down and took off his shoe, sliding off the heel to reveal a hidden kunai. Onoki, who was bound, attempted to do the same, but merely got a friction burn on his hand for his trouble.
"Now, we can either do this the easy way, and you walk free, or I can kill a Kage and give Naruto even more reason to bother me."
Onoki thought it over. A way out of a tournament early, yet with honor. Just one more thing to sweeten the pot a bit. "Will you take the head?"
Shikamaru sighed. "Yeah, I'll take the head. Now will you forfeit? I don't want to hold this for too long."
"Right. I SURRENDER!"
The shadow-user relaxed and let go of the technique as Bill ran up and raised his arm. "VICTORY, SHIKAMARU NARA!"
"Help me! My hip!"
Up in the stands, Kurotsuchi shook her head in exasperation. Her grandfather was so silly sometimes…
Josh shook his head and took another swig of vodka. "That boy is really something. Moving shadows up dust… gotta be careful to have the shield up and not use rockets. Otherwise, this might get nasty."
Naruto glanced over, halfway though a can of beer. "I would be careful if I were you. Shikamaru's no pushover. His UIIQ is over two hundred."
The swordsman was genuinely surprised for once. "UIIQ over two hundred? Well, that explains the dust. Better redouble my guard. Maybe a tranquilizer pistol wouldn't go amiss… Ah! It's Sandman! This should be interesting."
"AND NOW WE HAVE GAARA, THE GODAIME KAZEKAGE! HE'LL BE GOING UP AGAINST CHOJURO, A MEMBER OF THE SEVEN SWORDSMEN! WILL GAARA LEAVE CHOJURO HIGH AND DRY? OR WILL CHOJURO TURN GAARA INTO A MUD PUDDLE? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT! FIGHT!"
"Is Bill slipping? I swear, he's got more clichés then a double dose of Disney. It's either that, or his new writer just sucks dick…"
Naruto shrugged and chugged another can of beer, belching and crushing the said empty can. "Just gotta get ready with my fight with dogbreath. Well, if you can count it as a fight."
"I'M RIGHT HERE, DAMNIT!"
"NOBODY CARES!"
Chojuro dodged another burst of sand, striking it with his sword, injecting moisture, only to have it retreat and another blast come right back at him. He's not a kage for nothing. The swordsman noted as he launched a jet of water at Gaara, who sidestepped it easily and sent another blast of sand. I can't get close!
Gaara gestured, and twin lances of sand blasted toward Chojuro, who countered with timed blasts of water of his own.
However, this time, the sand did not stop. Instead, it continued on and slammed right into the swordsman chest, a series of sickening cracks echoing throughout the stadium.
No replacement, no illusions. Just a bunch of cracked ribs.
"CHOJURO IS UNABLE TO FIGHT! GAARA IS THE WINNER!"
Josh whistled as the swordsman was carted off the field, Gaara having long since reappeared in the room and was now picking his way though a plate of gizzard, pulling out the select pieces.
"Damn, Sandman. Don't give your opponent much of a chance, do you?"
"I do not think that you have a right to talk."
"Touché. Well, this next fight should be fun. Anyone wanna bet on how long it's going to last?"
Bill sweatdropped as C hid behind the concession stand, waving a napkin as a white flag. "I SURRENDER! WHO THE HELL PAIRED ME UP WITH MY BOSS!"
Josh accepted the thousand ryo bill from Kiba. "Why, thank ye very much."
Bill facefaulted, only to get back up and raise the Raikage's arm in victory. "WINNER BY FORFEIT, A!"
Naruto stood up and cracked both of his shoulders. "Well, time for my fight."
Josh sweatdropped. "Try not to lose control, will you? I'd hate to have to interfere."
The blond slapped his fellow guardian on the back, only to recoil as his hand was burned on the energy shield. "Lose control against Kiba? Maybe if he summoned a Shinigami, I might get serious."
The swordsman chucked. "Yeah… like that'll happen." He turned to look at an unnerved Kiba. "Good luck, kid. You'll need it."
"Kiba. I suggest that you forfeit now."
Bill, who had simply leapt back for Josh's fight, was now hiding out in the bunker, keeping one foot propping the emergency exit open.
"Forfeit! Ha! I'll defeat you and win this entire tournament!"
"As you wish." Naruto sighed and put both hands at his side, his palms glowing lightly as he chanted in the same language that Josh used for his flame golems.
"I won't let you! Gatsuga!"
The blond easily sidestepped and caught both Kiba and Akamaru in both hands, his limbs glowing lightly to counteract the rotating pair, throwing them into barrier, which flashed and dumped the two onto the ground, exhausted.
"Oh, Josh didn't tell you what this barrier was, did you?" Naruto smiled as he drew two kunai. "It's a Class B Guardian Draining Shield. We just call it the Draining Shield. Anything less then it, when it, will have its energy drained." He grinned evilly. "If it has no active energy, then the bonds between the molecules will be drained. You need a Class A or S technique just to get through this puppy."
He twirled the two blades, throwing them and snatching them out of the air, arms crossed laterally. "Which I will gladly demonstrate."
Up in the stands, Josh facepalmed. "Great. That technique. Always gave me hell when he used it en masse."
"Dark Guardian Art…" Naruto whispered, unfolding his arms. "Lightning Blitz."
Author's Note.
Yo.
It's been a while again.
Sorry about the slow updates. School, money, and next year's college are starting to get at me.
As well as Video Production, Anime/Manga, and reading.
I'll be working slowly, since i'm gonna be moving out of my parent's place this summer, as well as getting somewhat back into gaming.
And as for the quality of my writing...
Sorry guys, i just have my ups and downs. My writing goes with my mood and my current interests in memes, in case you havn't noticed. Straight-up fight scenes are not my forte, as you may have noticed.
If the quality is too low, just give me a heads up, but still. Doing the best i can over here.
As for the next chapter... well, let's just say that the current arc is just a miniature teaser for a major event in Part II, Troublesome.
Due to start next year.
That's right... Timeless is nearing its end.
Hang with me, people!
Or not.
Xingster
