Believe Again
Derek took the seat opposite of Pen. They had a few moments before they were expected in the War Room and he needed to see his friend.
"Good morning, angel face," he greeted with a big grin.
Pen kept her eyes on the computer screen. She couldn't have cared less what was on the plasma screens, but she had to concentrate on anything but Derek.
"Morning," she replied back.
Scanning her face and body movements - or rather lack of - he knew that something was wrong.
"Talk to me, Mama," he encouraged.
"There's nothing to talk about," she answered flatly.
"There's nothing or nothing? Because my sensors are picking up that you have a lot on your mind that you need to unload." He cocked his head to study her.
"And you think that you are the residential therapist?" Her eyes followed the same line three times before she realized that she hadn't clicked the mouse.
"I am a profiler. That's a couple of steps below a therapist," he joked. "What's that word for people who can pick up on feelings?"
"Empath." Damn, her eyes were blinding with tears. She wouldn't cry, she ordered herself. She had cried all night and now she had to work.
"I'm feeling that you have something you want to tell me…"
Pen spun around. "What, Derek? What exactly am I supposed to tell you?" she fired out hotly.
"What's bothering you."
"And you think that just opening up and telling you what I know will make everything better?" Her eyes flashed with anger and hurt.
"Considering the feelings I'm picking up, it can't hurt."
"Oh really?"
"Really. I can tell that you are in pain," he stated evenly.
"You know, Derek, I appreciate it…and if it was any other day, I would spill my heart and soul to you, but not right now. I have too much on my plate to deal with being interrogated by you." She grabbed the folder on the desk and stood up. Marching smartly across the floor, she pulled open one of the storage drawers and blindly tried to file the information.
"I wasn't trying to interrogate you, Mama," Derek corrected softly. "I know that you took JJ to her appointment yesterday, and I was wondering…"
Pen slammed the drawer closed. "How she is? If she's 'normal'?" She thought for a moment. "Is she different? Has she compartmentalized everything and is running on fumes? That she's having nightmares and isn't telling anyone? Is that what you want to know?"
"I…" Derek had been caught off guard by her outburst.
"Because the answer is: yes, she looks like hell because she hasn't slept in days…maybe even weeks. She lied to the doctor about being okay and is taking Ambien to help sleep. She wanders the house at night and worries if that bastard is going to come after her again. She hates Will. She wonders if she is a good mother anymore. She resents Rossi, but she likes that he's helping out but she just wants to get in the car and drive far away. But she can't…she can't because," Pen sniffed back the tears that clogged her throat and eyes, "…because she's too afraid to leave the house. There! Happy?"
Derek stood up and walked over to where Pen stood. He didn't try to hold or touch her, but he made sure he was close enough to lend support.
"She told you all of this?" he asked gently.
"You think you're the only profiler in the room? Just because I'm on the computer all day doesn't mean that I can't read people. Women can pick on feelings and emotions that men can't. And it wasn't what she said, it was what she didn't."
"The thing with Will…?"
"She hasn't mentioned him. I told her that I found his address in New Orleans and if she wanted, Hotch knew a lawyer who could go after him for child support. But she changed the subject."
"And the parenting thing?"
"She hasn't been sleeping. Every time she mentions Henry, she starts crying." Pen wiped the tears off her cheek with the back of her hand.
"This must be hard for her. What is Rossi doing to help?" Derek wondered.
"Whatever she will let him do…which isn't much. She's not eating…and she didn't have much weight to lose to begin with…"
Derek weighed everything the love of his life had relayed. Slowly he analyzed it for any clue he could use to help her.
"Who hurt you?"
"What do you mean?" she asked defensively.
"I know that caged look, Penelope. I know that stance when someone has gotten too close or asked the wrong question," Derek said. His voice was full of compassion and understanding.
Her eyes darted around. He was too close. She needed to escape. Fast! "I…" A knock on the door interrupted her. Ashley pushed open the door and poked her head inside.
"I hate to bother you, but Hotch wanted me to gather the team up. Looks like we have a bad case in Philly."
Derek glanced up at her. "We'll be there in a minute." Ashley nodded and closed the door. "My question is still out there, Baby Girl. And you know I'm persistent."
"Derek…"
He crooked a finger under her chin. "But I'm not going to push you. When you're ready to talk, you will. Until then, know that I love you."
Pen smiled softly. "I know. I love you, too"
"Now let's go catch another bad guy."
He waited until she left the room, then he closed the door behind them.
*****
"Good morning, Henry," Dave greeted from his place at the kitchen table. Lowering the newspaper, he took in the little boy with spiky blonde hair and eyes puffy from sleep. In his arms was a Pooh bear. Behind him stood Mudgie on full alert.
"Hi, Uncle Dave," he replied with a yawn.
"Are you hungry? Do you want cereal or eggs?"
Henry pulled out the chair and climbed on to the seat. "Cereal. Please." Setting his bear on the table, he watched as Dave prepared his breakfast. "Is Mommy coming down to eat?" he asked innocently. The black Lab took his place at the door way to make sure his pets were protected.
Dave didn't pause as he poured the sugary confection and then added milk. Methodically, he placed the items back in their respective places.
"Mommy is sleeping," he finally replied. He set the bowl in front of the child.
"Is she tired?"
"Why do you ask?"
Henry quickly spooned the food in his mouth. "Because I hear her cry," he mentioned between bites.
Dave waited a full minute before replying. "Your mommy cries?"
"I hear her. I think she is afraid of the dark." Henry bent over and sucked the remaining milk thru the built in straw on the bowl. Finished, he gave a triumphant "Ah!" and sat back. "Finished!"
"Do you want to do anything today?" Dave asked.
"No." He shook his head. "I wanna stay here."
"Why?" Dave was intrigued.
Henry shrugged his little shoulders. "Because Mommy needs me," he stated matter of fact. "Can I go watch TV?"
"Sure, Slugger. Just keep it low."
"I will. I promise." Grabbing the bear, Henry ran out of the kitchen to the living room. The sound of Mudgie's nails on the hardwood floor faded as the pair went down the hall.
With a sigh, Dave picked up the empty bowl and placed it in the sink. Henry was going to be occupied for at least an hour. That was enough time to find out what he wanted to know.
Lifting the carafe, he poured the hot coffee into a mug and added the condiments. It wasn't much, but one way or another, he was going to get JJ to talk.
