A/N
Hey everyone!
Hi guys. So this is it. This is the last chapter of Quarter Quell Redux. Sorry this last chapter took so long to be put up. I really wanted to publish the last chapter of the story on the same date (April 1st) that the first chapter was published (Cuz I'm cheesy like that). THIS CHAPTER IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER OF THE STORY. IT TOOK A WHOPPING TEN HOURS TO WRITE. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING. I started writing this at three in the afternoon and it's currently one in the morning. WHAT. THE. FLYING. FUCK. If this chapter gets deleted or corrupted before I publish this on fanfiction, I swear I'll just not even finish the story. OH BY THE WAY. When I mention the Whitney Houston song playing, picture it playing from there, ALL THE WAY until the end of the story. I swear, it'll make the experience 1000x better.
Anywhose~ enough of my ranting, let's get started!
WARNINGS: Swearing, Character Deaths (Past), and TONS OF SLASH AT THE END (for those of you who like slash, you'll love the end but if you hate it...er...you probably won't like it.)
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. South Park belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker and The Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins.
Enjoy~! :D
~.~
"Ok Craig, here's your outfit!" one of Mac's assistants cheerfully stated while handing the teenager a pair of tight black skinny jeans, black skater shoes, a black and white studded belt, and a skater hat.
"No shirt?" Craig asked in annoyance.
"Sorry, we're a-still a-going with the 'a-silent and a-sexy' look." Mac, who was trying to organize the chaotic work space, stated.
Craig angrily sighed before taking his clothes and going into the back room to change.
It was then that Revlon and Pantene burst into the room.
"Oh A-Revlon, A-Pantene! What a pleasant surprise! Would you a-care for a-spaghetti?" The Italian offered, holding out a plate of freshly cooked spaghetti and meatballs.
"Stereotypical much?" one of his assistants mumbled.
"No, Sir!" the drill sergeant said, trying to catch his breath. "They were too strong…they've broken through!"
"A-What?"
"Lauft um euer Leben!" Pantene shouted, while taking a sausage out of her pocket, taking a bite, and hiding behind a clothing rack.
Just then, violent thudding could be heard at the door.
"A-WHAT IS A-GOING ON?" Mac asked in complete disbelief.
"IT'S THE FANGIRLS!" Revlon said, running around in circles and flailing his arms around helplessly.
"OH A-NO!" Mac said throwing himself against the door, as if it would somehow prevent the barrage of girls from entering the room.
"CRAIG! WE LOVE YOU!" The fangirls screamed through the door. "YOU'RE SO HOT! MARRY MEEEE!"
Just then, the door flew off its hinges and a flood of fangirls stampeded into the dressing room.
"WHERE IS HE?" A fangirl wearing an 'I Love Craig Tucker' T-shirt demanded.
"Mmm…mmmmmhhhh." The Italian, whose face was currently stomped into the ground tried to answer.
"WHERE IS HEEEEEEEE!" The girls cried, creating uproar.
It was at that unfortunate moment that Craig decided to walk into the room, wearing the outfit that Mac had given him. "Mac, so I was thinking that maybe instead of going on stage shirtless, I could wear a shirt at first and then rip it off-" It was then that Craig noticed the army of fangirls, whose eyes had grown the size of saucers.
"-later." The teenager warily finished, just before being tackled by a hoard of squealing girls.
~.~
A few hours later…
"Hello everyone! How are you all doing tonight?" A man in a blue wig exclaimed.
"GOOD!" the audience answered.
"Haha, that's great! As you all know, I'm Caesar Flickerman and today is a very special day. Today, we will be interviewing the winner of the 75th annual Hunger Games! So without further ado, please give a round of applause to our victor, Craig Tucker!"
The audience went wild as the teenager climbed the stairs and made his way to the center of the stage.
"CRAIG! YOU'RE SO HOT! WE LOVE YOU!" the rabid fangirls screeched while trying to grab Craig's leg. The raven-haired boy simply flipped them off, which made half of the girls faint.
"Hello there Craig, it's great to have you back! I see that your fangirl population has grown immensely over the past few weeks. How do you feel about that?"
"Annoyed."
The crowd laughed.
"I certainly don't blame you! So the Games were pretty tough, huh? You almost didn't make it out alive! Actually, not many people expected you to win. The highest bets were placed on the trio of Bebe, Kenny, and Christophe."
"…"
"Just thought I'd share." The host quickly added.
"Okay."
Caesar smiled. "Great! Now what should we do now?"
"Footage! Footage! Games Footage!" the audience roared.
"Alright, alright, but first, I have a surprise for everyone. It's something that everyone will greatly appreciate, especially Craig."
The teenager raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"If I could please have the lovely Effie Trinket up here."
Effie, who was sitting in the front row of the audience, blushed as she climbed up the stairs and took the microphone from Caesar.
"Oh Caesar, you're so charming." The pink-haired woman laughed before facing the audience. "Hello everyone, I hope you are having a dandy night! In case you are new to this, I am Effie Trinket. I was originally the escort of District Twelve, but due to budget cuts, we had to fire all the other escorts so now I am the main escort for every district. While on the topic of budget cuts, whether you have noticed or not, we have had to cut down on many features in this year's Hunger Games. Today, however, we will reveal to you what the money that we saved from the cuts went toward."
The room became silent with anticipation.
"One moment please." Effie said as she handed Craig the microphone and she and Caesar disappeared behind the stage curtain.
The audience intently stared at the raven haired teenager, who uncomfortably stood alone in the center of the stage.
Craig remained silent, nervously flicking his bangs out of his eyes. Suddenly, the room darkened and a giant TV screen emerged from the ceiling.
The room remained silent as an old-school video timer counted down on the screen.
"3…2…1…
When all 24 platforms reached the arena, everyone stood in place and looked around.
"Now what?" Token asked.
"Oh gee, I don't know." Butters answered.
Just then, a voice, most likely coming from a speaker, echoed through the air. "Welcome, contestants, to the 75th Hunger Games!"
"Uh…hi." Cartman answered.
"They can't hear you, idiot." Craig stated.
"EY! YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!"
"Anyway, we're going to go through a few rules. The first and most important rule is no matter what happens, do not, and I repeat, donot…"
Just then, a clatter was heard further down the line of contestants.
"Oh sh-sh-sh-shoot, I d-d-d-dropped my cr-cr-crutch." Jimmy stuttered while reaching over the platform to pick it up. Unfortunately, he fell when trying to get it and was blown to pieces by a grenade.
"HOLY SHIT, DUDE!" Kyle screamed in sheer terror.
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Cartman yelled, also frightened.
The man over the speaker sighed heavily. "As I was about to say, the first and most important rule is do not step off your platform until the gong sounds or youwillbe blown to smithereens. Now there are only 23 of you left."
"Wait, so my teammate is already dead? It's onlymerepresenting District 6 now?" Gregory asked, annoyed.
"Yes."
...
It was then that Jimmy came out from behind the curtain and waved to the audience. The crowd went wild at the brunette's appearance and began to chant his name.
"Jimmy! Jimmy!"
"Hey everyone!" Jimmy greeted. The crowd cheered. "So as you can probably tell, my stutter is gone AND I can walk without crutches. My legs are normal now!"
Random members in the audience whooped.
"I would just like to say congratulations to Craig for winning the Games, and thank you everyone else for your support!"
The brunette then walked over to the baffled victor.
"Hey, congradulations on winning, Craig."
Craig blinked several times before speaking. "I thought….dead? You were…? Wait…wha-?"
"Mindfuck at its finest." Jimmy laughed, just as the second tape began to play.
"3…2…1…
"GAH! SO HOW ARE WE GOING TO DECIDE WHO GETS WHAT?"
"How about we play rock, paper, scissors?" Ike suggested.
Everyone stared at him for a moment, shrugged, and then began to auction off various items.
"Ok, let's start with this archery set." Wendy said while holding up a bow and a bundle of 12 arrows. "Who wants it?"
"I do!" Pip exclaimed.
"Can I try it first?" Ike asked.
"Sure." Wendy said while handing the bow over to him.
Ike picked up an arrow and rested it on the string of the bow. "Watch out guys, I'm going to shoot." he warned.
Just as everyone cleared the area and Ike shot the arrow, Gregory appeared in the distance and seemed to be yelling angrily at someone (most likely Cartman). Sadly, he was too busy ranting to notice that the sharp arrow that Ike had shot was heading straight toward him. Before he could move out of the way, the arrow pierced his heart.
"Oh my…" Gregory whispered while trying to pull the arrow out of his chest.
"Wait!" Ike screamed. "Don't pull it out! You'll live longer if you keep it in."
Gregory glared at the Canadian. "Do you have a 4.0 grade point average?"
"Yeah, actually I…"
"That's right, I didn't think so." Gregory interrupted, just before pulling the arrow out from deep within his heart. As soon as he removed it, though, thick, maroon blood cascaded out of the British boy and he was soon nothing but a pale, shriveled corpse drenched and laying in a pool of his own blood.
"Is he…" Before Ike could finish his sentence, however, the cannon fired and a Capital hovercraft picked up the dead boy's remains. "…yup."
…
It was then that Gregory came out from behind the curtain and made his way to the microphone.
"Hello everyone! How are you all doing this evening?"
The audience grumbled several responses in annoyance.
"I would just like to inform all of you that if it wasn't for that insolent little twat, Ike I think his name was, I would have won the Hunger Games. It was an utter fluke that a low-life, scum punk like him-" Gregory paused to point at Craig, who had his arms folded and was glaring daggers at the Brit. "-won the Games!"
"GET HIM!" a girl hollered.
Gregory was immediately dragged off the stage by a heap of angry fangirls, and beaten up by various audience members.
Jimmy and Craig watched the British boy being ripped apart by the enraged crowd.
"Eh, nobody likes a douche." The brunette shrugged.
Craig turned his attention away from the beating-fest and looked at Jimmy. "Wait…so those budget cuts. They were used to revive you guys?"
Jimmy nodded. "Yup."
"That's pretty fucking awesome. Was everyone revived?"
"You'll see."
Just then, the timer on the TV began to count down again.
"3…2…1…
"AHHH!" Bradley and Kindergoth both screamed as they clung to the tree branch that they were holding onto.
"What are we gonna do?" Kindergoth asked, looking down at the hungry pack of wild boars under him.
"Hey, I have an idea!" Bradley said while leaping down to the ground and spinning in circles. "SHABLAGOO!"
Just then, Bradley transformed into Mint-Berry Crunch. "Hey boars! I've heard that you've beenberrynaughty!"
"Ha-ha." Kindergoth sarcastically laughed while rolling his eyes.
"Here, why don't you try some minty berries with a satisfying crunch!" Mint-Berry Crunch exclaimed while shooting half-mint, half-berry, crunchy cocoa puffs from the palms of his hands. The boars, who were terrified of the superhero, ran away.
"I did it! I did it!" Bradley exclaimed while spinning in circles.
"Uhhh…Bradley?"
"Yeah?"
"Didn't the announcer say that the Game Makers would kill anyone in the arena that had superpowers?"
"Uh-oh. Well maybe we can hide from the Game Makers. I mean…"
"Holy shit…" Kindergoth interrupted while looking at the sky in sheer terror.
"What?" Bradley asked. Then he saw it. A giant, three-hundred foot toucan swooped down from the sky and landed in front of the two boys. Before they could react, the toucan swallowed up Bradley, burped, and flew away.
"Oh…my…God…" Kindergoth said, stunned and trembling just as the cannon fired.
…
The audience cheered as Bradley Biggle made his way to the center of the stage.
"Helllooooo everyone! It's so great to see you all having such a good time tonight!" the blonde said, flashing a smile. "I don't really know what else to say other than these Games have been a pretty good learning experience for all of us."
It was then that Bradley noticed Gregory's bloody, unconscious body on the floor.
"Err…make that some of us." He corrected while nervously chuckling and walking over to Craig and Jimmy.
"3…2…1…
"Ok Stan, I'm going to cut off your leg from the thigh down." Kyle told his friend.
"From the thigh down? Why? The infection is on my foot."
"I just want to make sure that it doesn't spread." Kyle reassured.
"Alright…"
Kyle gently placed the machete on his friend's thigh. "I'm going to cut here. Ready?"
"Go for it."
"Three…" Kyle raised the machete.
"Two…"
The Goths leaned forward in anticipation.
"One…"
Stan closed his eyes and held his breath.
"ZERO!" Kyle quickly brought down the machete, chopping the infected limb off instantly.
"Kyle! My leg!" Stan panicked pointing at the torrent of blood squirting out of his thigh. "What's going on?"
"Shit!" Kyle swore. "I cut the femoral artery!"
"Uhh…" The Goth's exchanged worried glances as they watched the dark-haired teenager bleed out.
"Stan, I'm so sorry." Kyle said, in between sobs. "I didn't know where the artery was. I shouldn't have cut your leg. I should have just waited for a sponsor present or something!"
"Kyle, it's fine. It was an accident." Stan reassured patting his friend's arm.
"I love you, dude." Kyle stated.
"I love you too…" Stan said as he slipped unconscious, with the cannon firing soon after.
…
Stan Marsh was greeted by a thunderous roar as he entered the stage. He flashed a huge smile as he waved and walked over to the microphone.
"Heh, uh…hey everyone."
Before he could even continue talking, the crowd began to wildly cheer. Stan scratched the back of his neck nervously.
"Um…well I don't really know what to say other than thank you for your support."
Stan was, once again, cut off by the audience.
"And I'd also like to congratulate Craig on his victory."
"STAN!" a random fanboy in the audience yelled. "WHY DID YOU DIE SO EARLY?"
"YEAH!" Everyone else pressed.
"Because gangrene sucks man. Fuck gangrene. Oh, and that just reminded me! Look, I got my leg back!" the dark haired teenager exclaimed.
The audience cheered as Stan accompanied the other tributes.
"3…2…1…
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Kyle screamed. "YOU MADE ME KILL MY BEST FRIEND!"
"We didn't mean to." Evan stated calmly. "We just wanted to see a little blood."
"Cha." Red Goth agreed. "You're over exaggerating."
"OVER EXAGGERATING?"Kyle cried. "YOU THINK THAT I'M FUCKINGOVER EXAGGERATING?"
The Goths, now slightly afraid of the redhead, began to back towards the cave opening.
"O-ok, w-we're sorry!" Even apologized.
"We didn't know about the femoral artery. Really, we didn't!"
Kyle was silent for a moment, giving the Goths an icy glare. Then, in a fit of rage, he drove the machete deep into Even's chest.
"AH!" Red Goth screamed in sheer terror as he exited the cave and ran as far away as he could.
"That's what you fucking get." Kyle growled as he stabbed Evan until he heard the cannon fire, confirming that the Goth was dead.
…
Evan warily emerged from behind the curtain and inched his way to the microphone. He had seen what the audience did to Gregory, and he didn't want the same scenario repeated on him.
"Um…" The Goth began nervously, not wanting to further anger the audience members who were already glaring at him. "The first thing I want to do is…apologize…to Stan and Kyle. Stan, I'm sorry that I was indirectly the reason why you died. I was just extremely bored and depressed and I wanted to see suffering for my own personal enjoyment."
The audience gave the Goth a hard look.
"What? Don't be hypocrites, you guys do it too."
The crowd, realizing the truth in his statement, backed off.
"And as for Kyle, I'm sorry that I had to put him through the guilt and torment that he suffered. He was only trying to help his friend, and I majorly took advantage of his despair."
One person in the audience slowly clapped, and soon, the whole audience was clapping.
The Evan smirked as he made his way over to the group.
"I'm sorry." Evan mumbled to Stan.
"No problem dude. It's cool." The dark haired teenager reassured.
"3…2…1…
"Hm…a random door. It seems really sketchy, but what the hell. Entering a suspicious room is better than dehydrating." Henrietta said as she turned the knob and walked inside.
The room was large and white, with computers and strange buttons covering most of the wall space. There were also people in white lab coats and glasses surrounding the computers. "Where the hell am I?" Henrietta asked, bewildered.
The people in white froze in shock and slowly turned toward the girl.
"Shit! They've found us!" A man with pale blue skin stated nervously.
"What are we gonna do?" A woman with lavender hair and a squeaky voice panicked.
"Steve! Press the pink button with a '10' on it!" A blonde woman demanded.
A nerdy-looking man ran over to one of the biggest computers and looked for the said button. As soon as he found it, he hesitantly clicked it and everyone evacuated the room.
"What's going-?" Before Henrietta could finish her sentence, her arm caught on fire.
"AHH! Why am I spontaneously combusting?"
The flames quickly spread throughout her entire body. It was when she was nothing but a smoldering pile of ashes that the people in white came back into the room.
"Good job, Steve." The blonde woman said while patting the nerd on the back. "It's a good thing that we made the tribute-trackers this year self-destructing. No one should have ever been able to find out that this is where the Arena Control Room is."
"You're right, we should relocate." Steve agreed.
"Yes, maybe next year. For now, though, let's extinguish and preserve that girl's ashes and continue torturing the tributes!"\
…
"HEY! HEY! HEEEYYY~!" Henrietta said, running onto the stage with T-Ray.
"Hey everyone, I hope you're all having an awesome night! I know that I'm sure as hell having an awesome night! Wanna know why? Because this lovely gentleman over here, with his intense tan and Pauly-D hair, just asked me to be his girlfriend!"
The crowd went wild.
T-Ray turned a dark shade of crimson.
"Aw, don't blush, babe. You know, you're the most adorable thing ever." The former Goth said while leaning over and giving the Jersey-shore wannabe a kiss.
"3…2…1…
"Did you get the medicine?"
The dark haired teen looked away from his partner. "They lied."
"Huh?"
"Yeah. Apparently it was just an April Fool's joke."
Wendy sighed and closed her eyes again. "That's ok. I don't think the medicine would've helped much anyway. It would take too long for it to kick in."
"You know, in hindsight, we really should've kept the medicine that came with the backpack."
"I completely agree." Wendy said, slowly falling into a trance.
"Wendy? Are you still awake?"
"Mmhmm."
"Do you need food or water or anything?"
"Mmm." Wendy, struggling to off death, slowly turned to her partner. "Craig..?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
Craig smirked and held his partners pale hand. "I love you too."
…
The audience "aww'd" as Wendy made her way to the stage, deeply blushing.
"Uh…that was cute, right? Heheh?" Wendy asked, shaking nervously as the audience, minus the Craig fangirls who were wishing death upon the girl, smiled at her.
"KISS! KISS! KISS!" The audience chanted over and over.
Wendy and Craig glanced at each other for a few moments before mutually nodding. Craig made his way over to Wendy before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a kiss.
Most of the crowd whistled, clapped, and roared with excitement. The Craig Tucker fangirls, on the other hand, sulked in misery as the watched 'their man' fall for someone else.
"So Wendy…" Craig asked as he and the raven-haired girl walked toward the other tributes.
"Yeah?"
"Um…would you maybe wanna be my girlfriend?"
Wendy beamed. "Sure! I'd love to!"
The pair then kissed once again just as the next clip began to play.
"3…2…1…
"SHIT!" Damien cursed while scrambling to the driver seat. Unfortunately, by the time he could even comprehend what was happening, a sickening thud was heard from under the vehicle.
"Oh my goodness chap! Did we just run over someone?" Pip panicked.
"I think so."
The blonde began to tear up. "Oh my God, oh my God…I can't live with myself!"
Damien patted the Brit's shoulder reassuringly. "It's ok. That's how I reacted the first time that I brutally murdered someone, but you'll get used to it."
Pip stared at his friend, wide-eyed in disbelief.
"Anyway, I'll go see what we ran over. Maybe it was just an animal and not a-"
Just then, the cannon fired.
"OH MY GOD!" Pip shrieked before completely breaking down.
"I'll go see who it was." Damien said while stepping outside of the RV and closing the door.
The Son of Satan walked around the vehicle a few times before finally spotting the body under the rear wheel and identifying it. He then went back inside the RV and walked over to his sobbing teammate.
"W-w-who was it?" Pip asked, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Butters." Damien simply stated.
"NO!"Pip cried before bawling again.
…
Butters shyly made his way to the center of the stage. "Why, h-hello there everyone. It's n-nice that I have such caring friends like Pip, right? He's so nice. Uh…a-anyway, I would just like to say that I'll happy to be alive again and y-yeah! Toodle-doo!"
Butters made his way over to the other tributes and sat down on the ground.
"3…2…1…
"Clyde!" Bebe exclaimed as she hugged her ex-boyfriend. "How've you been?"
"Uh, good. You?"
"Great! I'm bored!" Bebe said, beginning her act.
"Me too." Clyde agreed warily.
It was then that Bebe took off her shirt and threw it across the cave. "Wanna…well…you know..?"
Clyde smiled widely and blushed. "Well yeah, but not on live TV. Maybe back home or something..?"
Bebe pouted. "Fine, fine. Can we at least make out?"
"Sure."
Two minutes of moaning and teeth clashing later, Clyde found it hard to breathe. He quickly broke away from the kiss.
"What's going on?" he then realized that he was being strangled by Ze Mole.
"Shit! TWEEK! TWE-"Clyde was cut short by the tightening of the Frenchman's grip around his neck.
While the killing was going on, Kenny slipped in through the cave entrance, grabbed the prized shovel, and exited, practically unseen.
"I think he's dead now, Chris." Bebe stated as she walked to the other side of the cave and put her shirt back on.
…
Clyde, who was currently sobbing, made his way over to the microphone.
"Why…why…why…why…" he sniffled. "Why would Bebe use me like that? I was so nice to her!" the brunette said before completely breaking down.
Craig made his way over to his best friend and helped him back to where all of the other tributes were standing.
"3…2…1…
"It's starting to smell like blood in here." Kenny commented. "Bebe, get the watering can!"
"Zwhat do you need a watereeng can for?" Ze Mole asked, confused.
He was ignored.
"Ok." Bebe obeyed.
The blonde grabbed the can and quickly ran over to the dying boy. She then began to pour water over his face.
"Is he drowning yet?" Kenny asked.
Ze Mole was confused. "Zwait, zwhat are zou doeeng?"
"We're trying to drown him. The shovel part was just to knock him out."
"We ran out of water!" Bebe panicked.
"Oh no!"
Ze Mole facepalmed. "You twodoknow that I could've just keeled 'im weeth my shovel, right?"
Bebe and Kenny looked at each other and then back at their teammate in awe.
"Fuckineeng blondes." Ze Mole mumbled while making his way over to Token and continually hitting him over the head until the cannon fired.
…
Token appeared from behind the curtain and walked up the microphone. The audience remained silent.
"So I was looking at the statistics and I noticed that I'm the third most hated character in the 75th Hunger Games, behind Scott Tenorman and Gregory. You guys have all got some explaining to do."
"YOU'RE A STUCK UP DOUCHEBAG!" a man in the audience yelled.
"NOT TO MENTION A DICK!" an elderly woman cried.
"YOU WERE SO MEAN TO BUTTERS!" a Butters fangirl shouted.
"YOU WERE SO MEAN TO LANCÔME!" Lancôme, making a girly voice, screamed.
"Shut up Lancôme." Token spat. " You're the reason why I was so nasty. So, are you still living in your mom's basement?"
"Actually, brah, I'm not. I was at the store buying some new, pimped out strings for my guitar when something, like, caught my eye. Dude, ya know what it was? It was a lotto ticket."
Token rolled his eyes.
"And ya know what I did? I'll, like, tell ya what I did. I bought the lotto ticket. And guess what? It was a winner. And you know what the first thing I did was? I challenged your dad to some cards. All or nothing. I won. I, like, bought out your house, bro. Oh, and you're dirt poor, brah, because I won all of your dad's money."
Token stared at the stylist in disbelief before pulling out his fancy iPhone and calling his dad. Before he could finish dialing the number, however, two repo men walked up to the boy and took his phone.
"Hey! Wha-?"
"Your household bills have gone unpaid for too long. You can go join your parents in their box on the corner of the street."
"Excuse me?" Token asked, shocked.
"TOLD YA, BRO!" Lancôme shouted.
Everyone laughed as Token ran off the stage and out of the room crying hysterically.
"Ahem!" Effie said from behind the stage. "Let's continue. Shall we?"
"3…2…1…
"Uh, I'm Georgie. Nice to meet you I guess…?" Kindergoth greeted while shaking the redhead's hand. "Have you been in this section of the arena this whole time?"
Kyle shook his head. "No, I've been all around. First in the mountains, then the in woods, and I just got here about an hour ago, so now I'm here."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Just then, one of the pigs turned around and started to charge toward the young Goth.
"Look out!" Kyle yelled while picking up a large, pointed stick and racing toward the boar. Unfortunately, when trying to defend the Goth, Kyle tripped over a rock, sending the stick flying right through Kindergoth's stomach.
"AHH!" The Goth shrieked while crumbling to the ground. His piercing cry startled the pigs, causing them to run away.
"Georgie!" Kyle screamed while running over to the boy. "Georgie, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever conformist. This is why we Goths hate people!"
Kyle thought for a moment before shrugging. "Seems legit."
"I'm dying." Kindergoth informed.
"I know. Sorry."
"The darkness that surrounds us cannot hurt us. It is the darkness in your own heart that you should fear." The Goth said while slowly closing his eyes.
The cannon fired.
"Shit!" Kyle cursed. "Didn't I say that I wasn't going to kill anyone? That's the third person that I killed, right after my best friend and another Goth. Fucking irony."
…
Kindergoth walked to the center of the stage, a look of apathy on his face.
"You know, I really would have appreciated it more if I stayed dead. I don't even want to be alive." The Goth mumbled, walking away.
"3…2…1…
"PIP!" Damien yelled. "Grab onto something!"
"I…I can't chap I-AHHH!" The blonde screamed as he flew against the shattered windshield. He was knocked out within seconds.
"Shit." Damien muttered as he reached out toward Pip's unconscious body while still hanging onto the leg of a table. "I can't reach him!"
Damien, trying to remain calm, held onto the furniture until the spinning of the RV subsided. When the vehicle had come to a complete stop, Son of Satan crawled over to his teammate.
"Pip?" he asked while gently shaking the blonde's shoulders. "Pip, are you still here?"
Pip remained silent.
"Listen Pip, if you can still hear me through your coma or whatever it is, I'm sorry for being such an asshole earlier. Honestly, you're one of the few people that I actually respect and have no problem being nice to."
The blonde didn't move.
"I'm also sorry for saying that I wanted you dead a few minutes ago, I really didn't mean it. Well…I guess all I can say now is that I'm still your friend and yeah...I don't know how much longer you'll be alive, but I haven't heard the cannon fire yet so-"
The cannon fired.
"Oh. Well, I guess that's goodbye then. Hang tight, buddy..."
…
Pip made his way over to the microphone slowly. When he finally made it to the front of the stage, he timidly waved.
"Uh…Hello chaps. What a lovely night we're having, huh?"
"PIP! GET TOGETHER WITH DAMIEN! YOU TWO WOULD LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER!"
"Yes! Yes, they would, wouldn't they?" Effie asked, swiftly swiping the microphone from Pip.
"Um…madam, may I ask what you are doing?"
He was ignored.
"My slash!" Effie said, dreamily. "I've come this far. Fellow Capitalspeople, I would like to inform you that in just a few moments, we will have Pip and Damien kiss!"
Everyone cheered.
"Uh…Effie…Damien's alr-" Pip began.
"And it won't just be a kiss, it will be a full-blown make out course!" Effie continued.
"E-Effie, ma'am…I must have you know that Damien already ha-"
"IT WILL BE THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT! THE BEGINNING OF A NEW MILLENIUM!"
"That doesn't even make sense!" Pip complained.
Just then, ominous music was heard and Damien appeared on stage, with someone on his shoulders.
"Oh wow! Damien that was really fun! I've never met so many famous dead people befo-wait, where are we?" Trixie asked, confused.
"Wait, this isn't Disneyland Hell…" Damien stated, pulling a map out of nowhere and studying it.
"Chap?" Pip asked, also confused.
"Pip? What are you doing in Hell?"
"This isn't Hell, chap."
"What?"
"This is the Capital center. Remember, with Caesar Flickerman? We're on air right now."
"Ooo awkward." Trixie commented, leaping down from the Son of Satan.
"HEY! DAMIEN'S CHEATING ON PIP!" The audience hollered.
"Yeah!" Effie joined, earning her a death glare from Damien.
"No! No! Wait chaps!" Pip said, trying to calm the enraged crowd.
"PIP, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS!" a random girl yelled.
"YEAH!" the audience agreed.
"STOP!" Pip shrieked, making the entire room dead silent.
"Um…I'd like to make a confession." Pip bit his lip nervously. "I've been lying about my gender this whole time…I'm really a fellow, not a maiden.
The blonde then stuck his hands down his shirt and removed two baseballs.
"These are not boobs, these are balls. And…haha wow, see what I did there, chaps?" Pip giggled.
Everyone else remained silent.
"Anyway, I am, in fact, of the male gender."
"Noooo! My slash, it's ruined!" Effie wailed.
"I'm sorry madam." Pip said, rubbing Effie's back as he, Damien, and Trixie made their way to the group.
"3…2…1…
"We're not making it, dude, the current is way too strong. We're already in bad condition as is." Red Goth stated weakly while panting.
"Red, come on. We just have to swim with the current."
"No." The Goth argued, beginning to sink.
"Red, we're not that far from shore, just a little further!" Craig shouted. His teammate, however, was already underwater.
Craig tried to grab his ally by the arm, but was overpowered by the tide and carried away.
The cannon fired.
…
"Cha, I pretty much have the same thing to say as Kindergoth did, I'd honestly rather be dead than alive right now. We're all just mindless conformists racing to our graves." Red Goth muttered darkly, walking away.
"3…2…1…
"Kenny!" Ze Mole and Bebe yelled in unison.
Unfortunately, Kenny's attention was so focused on the fight, that he couldn't hear his teammates.
The meteor was now only a few thousand feet away.
"Come on, Bebe." Ze Mole said, grabbing the blonde's wrist.
"But what about Kenny? We can't just leave him!"
"We tried, 'e can't 'ear us."
"Kenny! KEEENNNYYY!" Bebe yelled. The blonde didn't respond.
The meteor was now only about 500 feet above them.
"GO!" Ze Mole yelled as he ran from the scene, dragging Bebe with him.
"Kenny!" the blonde wailed. "We have to go back and get him! He'll get crushed!"
"We can't, Bebe! 'e's my best friend, I don't zwant 'im to die eizer! Eef we could save 'im, we would, but zwe can't."
Just as Ze Mole finished his sentence, a thunderous crash roared through the entirety of the arena. Two cannon fires followed soon after.
…
Kenny and Tweek walked out from behind the curtain in unison, smiling and waving to the crowd.
"Hey guys." Kenny greeted.
"GAH! HI! I'M SO HAPPY THAT I CAME BACK TO LIFE! THAT'S SO COOL! I WISH I COULD COM BACK TO LIFE ALL THE TIME!"
"No you don't." Kenny stated. "It sucks butt. I was the first one to be revived, because you know, I can come back to life naturally. Do you know what I had to do? The Game Makers led me down to a dark mausoleum-like room where all of your dead bodies were being preserved, and I had to move everyone's corpse, one by fucking one, into the revival machine. And let me tell you, some of those bodies were fucked up pretty badly."
Everyone looked at Kenny, a look of disturbance plastered on their faces.
"Oh, what? Why the hell are you guys are disturbed? You didn't have to move the bodies. I have no sympathy! The blonde ranted, before being led by Tweek to the other side of the stage to join the group.
"3…2…1…
Biting his lip nervously, Cartman stood up and slowly turned around. His face fell as he saw Ike on the ground, with the spear through his chest.
The brunette approached the Canadian and kneeled down beside him. "I'm sorry for getting you into this Mini- Jew."
"It's ok, Cartman." Ike responded with a weak smile. "It's not your fault."
Cartman stared at Ike for a few minutes before remembering something.
"Here, you can have this." The older boy said, placing a cowboy hat on top of Ike's head.
"The cowboy hat that we were fighting over on the first day of the Games..?"
"Yup." Cartman confirmed, suddenly braking into a thick, Western accent. "This town ain't big enough fer the tew of uusss."
Ike smiled.
"Hmm." Cartman began. "I don't really know what I can do now…maybe I'll sing you a song from the '80s!"
"Oh God, no,please."
Cartman cleared his throat.
"You put the boom-boom into my heart,
You send my soul sky-high when your lovin' starts!
Jitterbug into my brain! YEAH! YEAH! It goes a-bang, bang, bang 'till my feet do the same~!"
"No…Cartman."
"Wake me up, before you go-go! Don't leave me hangin' on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go! I don't want to miss it when you hit that high~!"
"Cartman! Please stop."
"Wake me up before you go-go! 'Cause I'm not plannin' on goin' solo!
Wake me up, before you go-go! Take me dancing tonight!
I WANNA HIT THEAT HIIIIGGGGHHHH~!"
"CARTMAN!" Ike weakly protested.
"Huh? Oh, sorry, sorry!"
The canon fired.
"Ike?" Cartman asked, panicked.
"I'm still here…probably not for much longer though. That must've been Timmy's cannon."
The two sat in silence for a few seconds before Cartman began to talk in a Western accent again. "A job well done, partner."
"And to you too, deputy." Ike said quietly before closing his eyes.
The canon fired.
…
"Hi!" Ike greeted. A thunderous roar from the crowd soon followed.
"I don't know what to talk about, sorry. It's times like these that you really need Caesar Flickerman."
"I agree!" Caesar Flickerman joked, coming out from behind the curtain. "So Ike…how are you doing today."
"I'm doing pretty well, and you?"
"Marvelous! Now let's see what we can talk about regarding the footage that we just saw…oh! I know. What about Eric? How have your opinions about him changed?"
"I honestly always thought that he was a fat, self-absorbed, asshole; just like everyone else in my town thought. It turns out though that he's really not that bad at all…to me at least. It would be really funny if Kyle ever saw that side of him."
"I'll bet it would be." The interviewer agreed. "Thank you Ike! Now why don't we play the next tape?"
"3…2…1…
"Aww, how sweet." Scott said, arms crossed, standing about five feet away from Cartman.
Cartman stared at Ike, continuing to speak in his Western accent. "You know, Scott. I always heard that there were three types of suns in Kansas. Sunshine, sunflowers…" Cartman stood up and glared at Scott. "…and sons-of-bitches."
"It's on fatass!" Scott roared.
…
Scott and Cartman made their way over to the stage while glaring at each other.
"Hello guys. My, I can definitely sense the tension between you two. Let's try to break the ice."
"Let's not." Scott grunted, walking away.
"HEY! WASN'T THAT THE KID IN THE THONG FROM THE PARADE?" A little boy asked.
"LET'S THROW CANTOLOPES AT HIM!"
"FIRE!" A woman screeched. The ginger was soon bombarded by the large fruits.
"OW! OW! ENOUGH WITH THE CANTOLOPES!" Scott hollered.
"WHAT ABOUT WATERMELONS?" Woof shouted from the crowd.
"LET'S THROW WATERMELONS AT HIM!" An elderly woman suggested.
"YEAH!"
The redhead soon found himself bruised from head to toe, and covered in red and orange tangy goodness.
"Owie…" Scott moaned, limping over to the other contestants.
"Eric, you're nemesis over there kind of destroyed the interviewing mood, so I don't really have much to say to you. I'm sorry."
"Nice going, asshole!" Cartman spat angrily at Scott.
"Next tape!"
"3…2…1…
"D-Damien, dude, what's wrong?"
"I'm…so…fucking…COLD!" Damien thundered, his eyes becoming a deep, demonic, crimson color.
"Oh shit…" Craig muttered to himself, beginning to panic. "D-Damien, calm down. Please? Take control of your anger!"
"SHUT UP! I'M FUCKING COLD! DO YOU THINK A COLD DAMIEN IS A HAPPY DAMIEN?"
"N-no…" Craig answered, his usually stoic demeanor becoming increasingly nervous. "But dude, you've gotta calm down!"
Damien, now too enraged to think, fired a fireball at Craig.
"WOAH!" Craig shouted while narrowly dodging the flame. "WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?"
The flustered teenager then felt himself heating up.
"Shit, my hat!" Craig shouted , quickly removing the blazing chullo from his head.
Damien stared at the flaming hat before staring at Craig with a look of great remorse.
"I'm really sorry…I didn't mean to…my powers just…"
Just then, a giant, bone crushing wave crashed onto the shoreline with incredible power. The force of the wave crushed and dragged the two helpless boys out to the icy waters.
About thirty seconds later, a cannon fired.
…
"Already here." Damien simply stated.
"Hmm. Well that just makes my job easier. ROLE THE CLIP!"
"3…2…1…
"When will they go away?" Bebe asked, looking over at Kyle.
"I don't know, but at least we're safe up here…their howling is annoying as hell though."
Just then, one of the dogs jumped and clasped its teeth into Kyle's shoe.
"Woah!" Kyle gasped, quickly kicking off his shoe and sending the dog tumbling to the ground.
"Th-They can jump?" Bebe asked, panicked.
"I-I-I g-guess I-" just then another dog leapt into the air and sunk it's teeth into Kyle's leg, pulling the redhead down to the ground with it.
"KYLE!" Both Bebe and Ze Mole cried in unison.
The two tributes watched in terror as their friend was being ripped to bloody pieces and eaten alive below them.
The cannon fired.
…
Before Kyle could even walk to the center of the stage, he found himself being man-hugged by Stan.
"DUDE! I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH YOU JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO COME OUT FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN FOR, LIKE, FOREVER!" Stan cried.
"I MISSED YOU TOO, STAN! I JUST HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN ABLE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF SINCE I KILLED YOU ON THE MORNING OF THE SECOND DAY!"
"YOU MADE IT SO FAR, DUDE! THE FINAL FOUR? THAT'S SICK!"
"I LOVE YOU STAN!"
"I LOVE YOU TOO KYLE!"
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL, HE'S LIKE TWO INCHES FROM YOUR FACE!" Scott yelled angrily, just before being pelted by a rotten tomato.
"Well…uh that was interesting…We're just going to have the last two tributes come out together, because you all know who they are!"
"No way! Bebe and Chris both made it to the final three?" Kenny asked in surprise.
"Yes." Caesar answered.
"Awesome!"
"Alright, play the last tape!"
"3…2…1…
"CHRIS NO!" She shrieked, swiftly grabbing the brunette's hand.
"Oh shit!" Ze Mole shouted, just feet from the ground.
"God, Kyle was right. You're way heavier than you look." Bebe said, struggling to keep the brunette above the ground.
It than occurred to Ze Mole what was happening. "Bebe…" He began. "Uh…I-I'm really sorry being such a dick to you."
"Oh, um…" Bebe began, unsure of what to say. "…It's not your fault, it's mine. I broke up with you for no reason, so you had a right to be mad at me."
"No. I should've taken it like a man instead of acting like a whiny, little pussy."
"That was the past though, and I forgive you. Maybe we can get back together?"
"Yeah, like two seconds before I die? Because that makes perfect sense." Ze Mole said, rolling his eyes.
"Hey!"
"Hey what?"
"I love you."
"Ok?"
"Chris!"
"Ok, ok, I love you too."
Bebe's eye's grew wide with excitement. "R-Really? Oh my gosh, you still love me after all that I did? You're the best boyfriend ever!"
"Eh…yeaaahhh."
Just then, the branch that the blonde was sitting on began to crack. "Crap."
"What's wrong?" Ze Mole asked, concerned.
"The branch is staring to break!"
"Bebe." Ze Mole said sternly. "Let go of me."
"B-But why?"
"You're branch is cracking because of me. I'm too heavy."
"T-That's not true!"
The branch cracked louder.
"BEBE." Ze Mole repeated."PLEASE.I don't want you to die."
The blonde's eyes began to fill with tears. "I'm…not…letting…go…"
Ze Mole thought for a moment. "Bebe, one of us is going to die anyway, and I don't want it to be you."
"Huh?"
"I want you to win for me, ok? "
"But…but…"
"Ok?" Ze Mole repeated, giving the blonde a reassuring look.
"If th-that's what you want…then…"
"Yeah, it is what I want."
"W-well okay then…" Bebe said, wiping a tear from her eyes with her free hand. "Bye Chris."
"Bye, Bebe. I love you."
"I love you, too." With that, the blonde slowly let go of her boyfriend's hand and watched him fall to the ground. She quickly regretted her decision.
"Well…I guess that's it…I won." Bebe said, tears cascading down her face. "…but this victory seems so…so empty. I can't go on like this. I can't go back to South Park and face everyone who lost their children…go back to school and have no friends…no kids in the neighborhood…no one to hang out with…and Chris…I…I love you…" she mumbled before slowly letting herself off the treeand falling into the pack of dogs below her.
Two cannons fired.
…
Kenny stared at the screen, his mouth agape. "But…but…aw come on! Bebe was supposed to end up with me!"
Clyde put an arm around Kenny. "The struggle is real, bro. The struggle is real."
The two teenagers proceeded to cling to each other and cry in the corner as Bebe and Ze Mole walked to the center of the stage, hand in hand.
"Aw…look! It's the fourth couple that emerged from the Games!"
"I thought this was the fifth?" T-Ray asked.
"Who else?" Flickerman asked the Jersey Shore wannabe.
"Stan and Kyle."
"They've always been like that." Henrietta explained. "Even before the Games."
"Oh."
"Abby and Elmo got together too." Trixie informed.
"Really? When?" Wendy asked, clearly interested in the news.
"Uhhh...about a few days ago."
"Awesome! They're so cute together!"
"AHEM." Caesar, who was growing annoyed, grunted. "Can we please get back to this?"
"Sorry." Both Wendy and Trixie apologized.
"Anyway, how are you two doing? Chris, I heard that you're really not French. Am I correct?"
"Yeah."
"Interesting. Why did you pretend to be of that ethnicity?"
"I dunno. French people are badass."
"Why do you think that?" Caesar pressed.
"Why not?"
"Touche." the interviewer agreed. "Anyway, Bebe, what do you think of Chris not being French?"
"I don't really care, honestly. I love him just the way he is."
"I WISH SHE LOVED US JUST THE WAY WE ARE!" Kenny and Clyde sobbed, earning them stares from everyone in the room.
"Looks like you're pretty popular with the guys, eh?"
Bebe just blinked, deciding to just completely ignore the statement.
"Erm, yes, so..." Caesar began, trying to break the awkward tension that he had just created. "...What do you think about Clyde and Kenny over there?"
The two boys immediately silenced themselves to listen.
"Well Kenny is my second best friend that's a guy, behind Chris, of course, and Clyde…well he's nice and all, but he's my fourth grade ex. We haven't really talked much for about six years."
Kenny and Clyde, who were both obviously unsatisfied with the answer provided, continued their river of tears.
"Aw shucks, I kinda feel bad for the fellers." Butters sympathized.
"They'll get over it." Ze Mole stated.
"Why did you just break the guy code?" Kenny cried.
"Actually, Kenny, that's the girl code." Clyde corrected.
"Whatever! Clyde, buddy," Kenny said, putting an arm around the brunette. "It's you and me now bro. You're, like, my number one man."
"What? You're replacing me?" Ze Mole asked, obviously upset.
"Wow, this is actually pretty dramatic." Wendy whispered to Bebe, who had just snuck over to the group.
"Shhh, this is just getting good!" Bebe said, munching on popcorn.
"Hey, where did you get that popcorn?"
"What's it to ya?"
"Pshh, no, silly. I'm not replacing you!" Kenny reassured. "I'm just bumping you down to my number two man."
Ze Mole's face lit up.
"Now get over here, dude! Give Kenny a hug!" the blonde said.
Both Kenny and Ze Mole were now running across the stage in slow-mo, the song I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston playing in the background. Kenny then jumped into the brunette's arms and the two slowly spun in circles, glitters, flowers, and sunshine-happiness surrounding them in the process.
"What the hell is going on?" Craig asked.
"I don't even fucking know, dude." Cartman answered, he himself not even being able to decide whether he was deeply disturbed or actually enjoying the experience.
"Stan?" Kyle asked, turning toward his friend and blushing.
"Yeah dude?"
"I...I love you.
"Homo?"
"Homo."
"Heh, me too!" Stan smiled.
"R-really? Awesome! Um...do you maybe want to-"
Before Kyle could finish, Stan pulled him in for a kiss.
"Clyde..." Tweek began, strolling over to his brunette friend.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for protecting me from the underpants gnomes while we were here..." Tweek stated, a scarlet blush creeping onto his face. "I don't know what I would have done without you."
Clyde smiled. "It wasn't a problem, really. You're, like, one of my best friends."
"D-do you uh..."
"Yeah?"
"Think that we can maybe be more than friends."
"I like the way you think, Tweek." The brunette stated, giving his friend tight hug.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" Damien asked.
"Damien..." Pip began.
"NO." The Spawn of Satan firmly stated before vanishing into thin air.
"Huh? I was just going to tell you that I found my Chuggie the Fluffy Panda from the night before the Games. It was under the bed!" Pip said, holding up the stuffed panda, completely oblivious to the events taking place around him.
"SLASH! SLASH! SO MUCH SLASH! HAHAHAHAHA! SLASSHHHHH!" Effie laughed manically.
"Uh, sir?" One of Caesar Flickerman's assistants whispered from behind the stage.
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"We better wrap this up soon. The ratings are plummeting; the audience is deeply disturbed by this ordeal."
"Oh! A-hem! If I could get your attention, please?" the interviewer asked, trying to put an end to the tributes' shenanigans "Well there you have it, folks. This concludes the 75th Hunger Games! Come back next year to see the students of Ouran Acadamy compete in a fight to the death. Until then, have a splendid rest of the year and a goodnight!"
~.~
THE END
~.~
A/N
And that's the end. :'(
I'm still debating whether or not I'm going to make an epilogue. Probably not. I hope you guys enjoyed this story! Even though the road to completion was rough, I had tons of fun writing this fic and I'm so happy that I was able to follow through with it and keep it going for three years! I started writing this in seventh grade and now I'm already finishing sophomore year. Time really flies.
As for the Ouran thing at the end though…haha, um…I was just mindlessly typing a conclusion and I guess that was the first thing that came to mind. Whether I'm actually going to do that or not, I'm not sure. I feel like that would be really interesting though~ ;D I don't even know who would win.
So thank you for everyone who's been reviewing and stuff. It's things like that that really make me motivated to write. Thank you all for reading and stay tuned, I just might write some more things in the future!
So don't forget to review, flames will be used to roast my marshmallows. Goodbye for now! :)
