SM owns Twilight….I own um…I don't own much actually!
Keepingupwiththekids pumped this out really really fast cause she was dying to get Chapter 29, which she has…
VERY VERY IMPORTANT A/N PLEASE READ!!!
I wasn't going to post this tonight but I want to bring attention to the situation in Haiti, I have a dear friend there. She is a part of the NY/NJ Twimom family, and I was lovingly adopted by them from Philly. Her name is Suky, and she went there to visit her family with her two year old daughter, she is very scared. Thank God her family is safe, but a lot of friends are dead or missing. They can hear people under the rubble and there isn't enough help to get them out. Please donate whatever you can. Pray. Check out what MsKathy is doing with TwiFans for Haiti. For at least a $5 donation you will receive a PDF full of work from a ton of authors. I am in talks with DevilishPleasures girls to add a piece from us, dedicated to Suky. The Link for TwiFans for Haiti is on my profile, please pray for them all!
Chapter 28
EPOV
Hallelujah
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Jeff Buckley
"Edward!" I heard Felix yell for me as I was heading for my car to drive home to Bella.
"What's up?" I said to him trying to be polite and not act like I was in such a rush. All I could think about was the fact that in less than four hours I would see her, my Angel.
"I wasn't sure if you would be interested in this, but at the end of September we are putting together a missionary team to go to Africa to work with the kids and schools. I think it be something you would like," he told me handing me a pamphlet.
"It sounds like an amazing chance, I just can't commit to this so soon," I told him. "How long is it for?' I asked him.
"Not long, six months," he told me. I just spent three of the hardest months of my life away from Bella; there was no way I was leaving her for six months.
"Man, I'm sorry, but I have someone back home waiting for me. It's just too close to the end of the tour. Maybe next time," I told him. Even though I had no intention of going unless Bella came with me, and let's face it…Bella going on a mission trip was not likely. I might consider a two-week trip without her, but not much more.
"Well, let me know if you change your mind. You have a safe trip back," Felix said as I gave him a quick hug goodbye.
"Thanks for everything and take care." I told him as I exited the studio.
We were on track to arrive home around nine at night. I told my mom and Carlisle I would see them in the morning that I really wanted to spend some time alone with Bella. Thankfully they understood. I drove almost straight through only stopping for gas and spent most of the time talking to the phone to Bella.
"I should be there at about nine, you can meet me then?" I asked her. Cause I was only about thirty minutes away from my house.
"I'm already here, waiting Edward," she told me and it made me want to drive faster.
"I can't wait to see you," I told her. "What are you wearing?" I asked her anxious to picture her in my mind.
"Actually it's a bit conservative for me; it's a spaghetti strap white eyelet summer dress."
"Short or long?" I asked her.
"Short of course," she answered me as if I should have known.
"Shoes?"
"None, I was wearing sandals, but I took them off."
"And your hair?"
"It's down, a bit messy," she told me and I could just picture her sun kissed skin against the white dress and her long hair flowing in the wind outside of my house, and my cock grew hard.
"What about underneath?" I asked her getting a bit bolder.
"Just a white cotton thong." She answered as if it was no big deal that I was asking her about her underwear.
"I need to feel you, I can't wait to taste you," Bella let out a small moan at my words.
"Edward, your making me wet, is your dick hard?" She asked me.
"All I have to do is hear your voice and it's hard," I told her honestly.
"If I were with you I would rub it," Bella told me, and I let my left hand leave my steering wheel while I rubbed my hardness up and down through my jeans.
"I would slide the straps down your dress and kiss your beautiful breasts," I told her as I imagined feeling her breasts.
"I can't wait to feel your mouth all over me."
"I can't wait for you to show me the way you touched yourself all summer," I told her recalling the few nights she took the lead and told me all the sexual thoughts she had about me and how she would feel herself.
"Absence does make the heart grow fonder doesn't it Edward Cullen? Who would have thought you had such dirty things in your mind!" She joked lightly at me. "I can't wait to show you the things I have done with my fingers all summer in your absence," she breathed into the phone.
"Bella, I will be home in less than two minutes….meet me outside?" I asked her.
"I'm out here," she told me.
"I love you and in less than two minutes I am going to show you how much," I told her as I turned onto my street.
"I love you," she told me back. I could see my driveway in the distance and I never felt happier about being home then I did at that moment.
There was a full moon and the moonlight illuminated the night sky. The air felt humid as I stepped out of the car and saw my Angel. A cool wind blew and I stood in awe of her beauty. Neither of us moved for a few seconds. We just took each other in before we both ran towards the other.
I picked her up off the ground and spun around with her. The pictures she sent all summer did her no justice. I laughed into her hair as she wrapped her legs around my waist. I pulled her back so I could kiss her and she was crying, the happiest tears I have ever seen.
I kissed her passionately missing the taste of her mouth. I carried her inside never breaking the kiss and took her straight to my bed. I wasn't really thinking much more then wanting to feel Bella, to be close to her, to show her how much I loved her, missed her, and needed her.
Before I even knew what happened we were both completely naked in bed. We were just feeling each other, tasting each other, enjoying each other.
I moved my hand to her center and her hand moved with it. Before I could get a chance to enter her, she entered two fingers into herself. She pumped them in and out a few times before she removed them and put them in my mouth. Her left hand massaged her breast, and she said, "This is what I did all summer with my hands," I kissed and sucked her neck. I could feel the sexual tension rising as we became more aggressive with each other.
"I imagined it was your fingers, your hands," she said as I moved my fingers inside her and moved my mouth to her left nipple. I felt her hand move to my hard cock and stroke up and down. "I even imagined it was this," she said and I felt myself grow bigger in her hands.
I didn't think, I just moved. I positioned myself quickly above her and she moved her feet up so the soles of her feet were planted on the mattress and opened her knees wider, I took hold of my cock and thrust it inside of her. Her legs wrapped around my waist and her back slightly arched, I pulled back slowly getting use to the sensation and thrust forward again.
"That feels so good," Bella panted as I continued to thrust inside her, I could feel her getting slicker.
So wet. So warm. So tight. So inviting.
Bella moved her hand down and began to massage her clit and I couldn't last. It was so overwhelming and I collapsed on top of her. Exhausted I feel into a deep sleep.
"Edward," I heard Bella say softly as she tried to push me off her. "I have to go; Renee wants me home by midnight." I heard her say before I opened my eyes. Everything was coming back to me slowly as I took in her appearance. Beautiful breast exposed, stomach, tan lines, tattoo…me losing control. I was so angry with myself. I rubbed my eyes and moved off her, our skin sweaty and sticking to each other. She climbed out of bed with no shame, exposed and dressed in front of me…smiling at me. I tried hard to smile back at her as I sat up and pulled my jeans on. I took her hand and walked her to the door to say goodnight. I wasn't mad at her, I was mad at myself. It wasn't like she forced me to have sex; she didn't even ask me.
I kissed her on the cheek as she told me she loved me.
"Me too," I told her, forgetting all the things I wanted to share with her and show her from the trip, I even had a birthday gift for her. All of it forgotten, overshadowed by my mistake, my weakness.
I knew better, how was the Lord ever going to forgive me?
My sleep never came. I felt ashamed. I felt as if I disgraced God, and I hated that I enjoyed it, and wanted desperately to feel her again like that, every chance I got.
The next day Bella had school and I was in no rush to speak to her. I didn't have a clue what to say. I didn't trust myself around her. I had so many unanswered questions within myself I wasn't sure which way was up anymore.
At noon, Bella called and I let it go to voicemail. I sent her a quick text telling her I couldn't talk, that I would talk to her later. I was avoiding her, and that made me feel like an even bigger jerk.
Can I see you tonight? Was the text she sent to me when she was finished with school.
I am having dinner with my mom, Carlisle, Rose, and Emmett…you can come, about six o'clock at Carlisle's. I told her.
When she arrived at Carlisle's and my mom's, I kissed her on the top of her head and placed my hands in my pockets afraid to touch her. She looked at me and I could see all the questions on her face.
Emmett came out and gave her a big hug. "Can't breathe Em," Bella choked out before Rosalie hit him in the back and said hello to Bella. Bella smiled at them and I just stood there. I put on a fake smile and avoided being close to Bella at all costs throughout the evening.
"I was hoping to get a chance to be alone with you tonight. Last night was amazing. Hands down the best night of my life, I felt so alive, so special," she told me as she crept up behind me in the kitchen where I stood alone, just me with my guilt.
"Not tonight, Bella," I told her sounding a little cold.
"What's your problem?" She asked me a bit defensive.
"I just have a lot on my mind," I told her.
She walked away and joined my family in the living room. I could hear them laughing and I couldn't even bring myself to act like I was okay.
I walked out back and sat down at on the patio chairs just thinking about what I allowed to happen. I pulled at my hair, I felt so lost.
The night sky was bright, the stars were easily seen, and I couldn't help but to contemplate how small I was compared to the planet.
"I have to go," I heard Bella say as she walked toward me.
I got up from the seat and walked her around front to her truck.
"Can I ask for something?" she asked me, and I nodded at her. "Kiss me?" I couldn't deny her anything; I leaned in and kissed her, hoping that it would be enough to keep me close to her.
"I love you Bella," I told her as she climbed into her truck she just nodded her head. "Please, don't ever doubt that." I added. She nodded at me with a look of confusion in her eyes. I shut the truck door, stepped away slowly, and watched her pull away from the curb.
I didn't feel good about being with Bella anymore. It didn't feel right anymore. I wasn't in control and I didn't know who I had been looking at in the mirror every day since the day I first kissed her.
I made excuse after excuse to justify my actions with her, to make myself feel better for the sins I committed and the lies I told. Who did I think I was, preaching to teens every week? Leading worship? Touring all summer spreading Gods word and praise and then rushing home and having sex with Bella. Telling myself a blowjob wasn't actually sex, phone sex wasn't actually sex. All of them were lies I told myself to make it okay to continue. I couldn't be both people. I decided I needed to talk to Carlisle about my position at the church. I also knew that one of the best things to do once you have committed a sin was to confide in someone you trusted, to let it out.
I walked into my mom's new house and found Carlisle sitting in his office. "Do you have a minute to talk?" I asked him.
"Of course Edward, have a seat," he motioned for me to sit down across from him. "What's going on?" He asked me.
"I messed up," I told him. "With Bella," I tried to clarify. Carlisle stayed silent. Waiting for me to find the words I needed. "I love her, more than anything. I want to marry her one day, but she just turned seventeen. I compromise my values and beliefs when I am with her. I hide my guilt by justifying my actions…and I'm just lying to myself, hurting my relationship with God. Last night though….I really went too far…..sexually. It was as if I was testing my restraint. I played with the fire and I got burned. I thought I was stronger, that I could stop. I feel as if I have fallen." I looked down in my lap quickly before returning my gaze to Carlisle.
"What are you saying Edward?" He asked me.
"If Bella were older, I would marry her tomorrow, make it right to continue, but she isn't….and I just don't know how to be both people. Personally, I am in no place to lead a youth group or be an example within the church….Felix, he asked me to join him for a missions trip to Africa. I think I am going to go," I told him.
"I hope you're not running away Edward, because that would not be the answer. I know you want some answers, but what is the right answer? There is no right answer, it's just life. Bella will be heartbroken, are you sure this is what you want to do?" He asked me. I nodded yes at him. "You can't run from your guilt," he added.
"I know that. I'm not running….I just need some time. I need to figure out who I am. I lost myself. I figure, once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely, because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. I need to find that person," I told him.
"When will you leave and for how long?" He asked me.
"They leave the last week of the month….for six months." I said.
"That is a long time. We are all going to miss you; I trust that you have given this enough thought? It is a big choice, and you know you're already forgiven, you don't need to punish yourself, Jesus already shed blood for your sins."
"Carlisle, I knew better. I knew it was wrong to have sex with her just to name the biggest sin I have committed since being with her. All I want….is to be with her for the rest of my life….it's not possible right now, I need this time away, to find my grace and mercy."
Carlisle nodded at me. "I will support you, Edward. The church will support you. You will continue to be in my prayers every day."
"Thanks." I told him standing from my seat. He stood with me and hugged me closely.
"Try not to break your mother's heart when you tell her," he told me as we released.
"I'm more concerned about Bella's," I told him walking out.
I would have prayed, but I wasn't sure if the Lord was listening to me.
Okay…he has fallen. Give it to me. Get a teaser! I Love each and every review! I love when you all write me books!!
