10 Things Peter Pettigrew is Ashamed of
1. The only thing that motivates him is greed.
2. He'd delighted in Lily's constant rejection of James. He would always encourage James to approach Lily, just so he could watch him fail. He told himself the only reason he did it because it was good for James to see that he couldn't always get what he wanted.
3. There wasn't a person or thing he wasn't jealous of. He even found something to envy in Moaning Myrtle.
4. His enjoyed the time he spent living as a rat more than the time he spent living as a human. He wished he hadn't ever had to change back.
5. He'd traded the life of his only real friend for the promise of power, because he thought James had owed it to him.
6. He'd had such social anxiety in school, that when he was actually called on in class to demonstrate his competence, his nerves always got the best of him and he ended up looking like an idiot. It wasn't long before professors and students alike just figured that he must be.
7. He'd wanted James to give him the importance that he gave to Sirius. He'd wanted James to give him the importance that he gave to Lily.
8. He was addicted to power. He needed to feel it, he needed to taste it, and he needed to be around it. He'd betray his friends for it, kill children for it, and even give his own right hand for it. He kept telling himself 'this is all I need, after this I'll stop.' But he never stopped, he was never full. Instead he felt more and more empty, and he watched his reflection decay before his eyes.
9. He can't kill himself. Even after all he's done he still wants to live. This is what sickens him the most.
10. He'd become an animagus a few weeks before Sirius and James had, and when they'd seen that he'd become a rat they'd practically doubled over in laughter. They'd kept saying 'Sorry, mate, sorry' but Peter didn't think they were sorry at all. He'd hoped when they became animagi they would get lame animals too, so at least he could return the laughter. Instead, when the time came, Sirius transformed into a black dog and James into a stag. And once more Sirius and James laughed at him while this time they'd said, 'Hey Pete, when we run with Moony you better watch out or we might trample you to bits!"
But Peter hadn't thought they respected how agile a rat really was.
