Okay, first of all, thanks to all of you who keep reviewing! I'm not lying when I say it's your comments that help me put time aside to keep writing. I'm just very busy at the moment.
Secondly, I've worked out how long is left of this story. I'm not sure whether I'm pleased or not - but the story has about 3 more chapters left (and possibly an epilogue) I'm already amazed how long it is and I'm really proud of it :)
There's something in this chapter that you might not all agree on but something that I thought about, really weighed up in my mind, asked for a second opinion and then decided to put it in. I hope you like it, too :)
It had taken a whole week to pass before my ingenious idea was sprung into my head. With a quarter of my remaining time disappearing in puffs of smoke, I realised I should act very soon for fear of losing it altogether.
It scared me, in some respects, for the foundations of time to be so suddenly slipping away. It would scare me more if I dreaded where I was going - however, I was going to my heaven. I couldn't enforce that into my mind enough. When I struggled with the realisation I'd soon be gone, I couldn't repeat it to myself enough.
Edward was lying on my bed when I came back from having a shower. I'd forgotten to take clothes into the bathroom with me, so shuffled back into my bedroom with a towel wrapped around my body, wet hair dripping down my bare back.
My cheeks burned as walked back into my room, half dressed, wet footprints and skid marks on the floor where I'd almost lost my footing on the soapy slippiness, but Edward didn't even look up at me. Instead, his eyes were intently fixed on the small bottle in his hands.
I almost dropped the towel.
"What are yo-" I began before stopping short. Edward's face was a mixture of torment, flicking from one emotion to the other in spurts of distress and uncertainty. I knew that face. In fact, I knew it very well. Seeing it brought back a lot of memorable emotions, the main one being frustration.
"How many do you take a day?"
"Just two," I said wearily, taking a few steps over to the bed. I'd almost completely forgotten about my minimal attire.
"Just two? Bella, an eighteen year old shouldn't be on antidepressants."
"Are you really going back into this?" I snapped, snatching the bottle away from him. "It's been months now. Don't go back there. We're moving forward."
"I just saw them… and it shouldn't be like this."
"You're right. It shouldn't. But it is. So we deal with it. Now stop being 'sulky Edward' and smile." I gave him an example of my very own, toothy grin. "I like you better when you smile."
I leaned forwards to press a kiss to Edward's lips, feeling happiness spread through me when I felt his lips curve.
"You're not dressed."
"Oh, well spotted. I thought you were supposed to be good at seeing?"
"You look utterly irresistible."
"Yet resistible enough not to have sex with until after the wedding that still doesn't have a date… hmmm…." I brought my hand to my wet hair to scratch dramatically, as if deep in thought. I grinned widely as I stood up but Edward pulled me back onto the bed.
"If you were durable…"
"Is it going to be rough, Edward?" I grinned wickedly, my eyes sparkling with amusement. I couldn't imagine Edward being rough, only gentle and loving, each touch as if I were going to disappear or my skin crumble into a pile of delicate remains.
"It's going to be all you want and more."
My smile widened. "Good," I said cheerfully, making a move to stand up. I was beginning to get chilly as I grabbed some clothes out of the wardrobe and turning my back.
I was going to return to the bathroom but I thought now would be a great time to try and give myself some of the confidence I'd need to pursue the relationship I wanted with Edward. Drying myself thoroughly, I pulled on some underwear and then dropped the towel completely. I made sure I was completely facing away from Edward; I couldn't see his reaction.
I pulled on my jeans, hopefully in a sexy manner (although I probably failed that particular part) and yanked on my tee-shirt. Turning around, I saw Edward's face – mouth slightly agape, eyes as dark as the coal I'd use to ignite the flame between us.
"What's wrong?" I said; my voice unusually light.
Edward's eyes narrowed. "You did that on purpose."
"Did what?"
Rushing over to me, Edward pushed his face against mine, inhaling the scent of me. I wondered how it was even bearable for Edward to be near me, especially when he inhaled, if my blood was so tempting for him. Of course, his eyes were already black.
"I think you should hunt…" I said quietly. If he hunted, it would mean the day would be spent alone.
"I don't have to."
"Oh, alright then, starve. Let me know when I can be of services," I said sarcastically, waving my wrist in front of his face.
"And if I bit now? What would you say then?" I loved how his face was so full of amusement; we seemed to have passed the stage where he got awkward when I made jokes about me being the meal. I liked the new-found comfort in our jesting.
"Nothing, I'd be too shocked." I chuckled lightly. "Now go. Shoo, away with you!"
"I'll call you later?"
"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say."
Edward pulled me close, possessively and passionately, as he trailed his kisses from my jaw line right down to below my ear, close to my pulsing neck.
"It's rude to tease," I mumbled breathlessly as Edward shot me a crooked grin and disappeared out of the window.
I could still feel Edward's lips against my neck long after he'd gone. I found myself tracing where his cool lips had made contact with my skin. Would this be where Edward bit me? When he was changing me, would he prefer the neck, the wrist?
Where would I prefer? Now I'd thought about it, probably the neck. It seemed more personal, more passionate. It felt right to feel his lips there, to have him press gentle kisses against my flesh.
The idea sprung so quickly into my mind, I hardly had time to take a breath. It hit me in such a short space of time, it took me several moments recovery to realise it was an idea at all... that quickening feeling in the blood, that immense pride when I began to question would this really work?
Would I be able to surprise Edward? Once I had changed, the idea would be impossible to carry out… why not do it now?
The thing was, I couldn't do it alone nor could I ask for assistance from the Cullen family. Instead, killing two birds with one stone, I picked up my cell phone.
Dialling Angela's number, I reminded myself of the promise we'd made to see each other at least one last time before I jetted off to England. I grinned when Angela's answered the phone.
"Hey Angela, I was wondering, how are you with blood?"
"Blood?" Angela's tone suddenly turned worried. "Are you okay? Have you cut yourself?"
"Oh no, no, nothing like that. No, what are you doing today?"
"I was supposed to be meeting Ben this afternoon…"
"Oh okay, it's fine."
"What is it, Bella?"
"It's nothing. I just wondered if you fancied a trip into Port Angeles."
"Of course!" She sounded pleased of my invitation.
"But what about Ben?"
"What about him? He'll be there in a month – you'll be in England." I heard the sound of her grin down the phone. "But what's this got to do with blood?"
"I'll tell you on the way there."
"Do you want me to drive? I, erm, well, your truck…"
"Is as dead as a do-do." I sighed heavily. "If you don't mind…?"
"That's fine. Pick you up in half an hour?"
"That's great. See you then!"
I put the phone down and brushed my hair. I tried to towel dry the majority of it and then got the hair dryer out; I needed my hair to be down. After spending ten minutes with my hair, having the brown wave's pool around my shoulders, I grabbed my coat and my purse and went downstairs.
Whilst waiting for Angela, I sent a quick text to Edward: Going shopping with Angela, wanted to spend some time with her for the last time. See you when I'm back. Bella, xxx
I also sent one to Alice, whilst eating a banana, in fear she'd stalk me there: No doubt you've already seen, but I'm going shopping with Angela. Don't take it personally. I don't want you in pain. Keep the secret for me! B x
Soon after, Angela beeped the horn of her car and I hurried outside so I don't keep her waiting. The radio was already on and Angela had sunglasses holding the hair out of her face. It was wishful thinking, I'm sure.
I fastened my belt and greeted her as two text messages came through at once.
"You're popular." Angela grinned and set off on our way.
Stay safe. I love you, xx
Humph. I'm holding it against yo... but I understand.
Shoving my phone into my bag, I turned to Angela. She asked me about my truck and I told her briefly of the fall out – skipping the majority of the story – with Jacob and how Edward was paying for professionals to work on it.
Then Angela asked me how Charlie took the news. For the rest of the journey there, I filled Angela in on Charlie's reaction, how Carlisle and Esme took the news and what Edward and I were planning on doing. Although Angela seemed sad to be saying goodbye, she seemed happy for Edward and me and wished my luck.
Finally, we'd pulled up in the parking lot and were walking through the streets of Port Angeles, the wind bustling through our hairs as we shivered.
"So, what's with the blood thing?"
"I don't like blood," I said sheepishly as we came close to the shop I wanted to enter. "But I need someone to, er, well, hold my hand."
"Hold your hand?"
Confusion washed over Angela's face as I nodded and took her those final steps. Finally, we came to stand in front of the shop we'd been walking towards.
"You're getting a tattoo?" Her eyes were wide and mouth opened.
"What do you think?" I asked timidly. Was I making the right decision?
Once I was changed, nothing in the world would be able to mark my skin. It'd be so impenetrable that the needle wouldn't even pierce it, let alone stain it and I so wholly belonged to Edward I wanted to do this.
I didn't know Edward's thoughts on tattoos. Although they were a modern thing, it was something I was sure he'd accept and appreciate.
It'd, hopefully, be a surprise – if I could hide my neck (with use of scarves, collared shirts or my positioned hair) then maybe I'd surprise him.
"I think… that's not like Bella!" Angela was shocked; her whole body was riddled with uncertainty. I could see in her eyes the wariness and her mouth opened several times. "These are permanent, Bella," she said, stating the obvious.
Permanent was good. I was going into a permanent lifestyle. This would be the first step.
"I know."
"What are you going to have?"
Angela's eyes scanned the window displays that advertised every possible drawing, diagram, font and image you could think of. Some were huge, some were ugly; some I could appreciate for their cuteness, tiny hearts or symbols that held a deeper meaning.
"His name…"
"Edward's name?"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Unless you want me to have Ben tattooed on my body?" I grinned sarcastically as Angela shook her head.
"I don't want to pry, Bella, but… this isn't going to rub off. Are you sure?"
"I'm sure you understand. What Edward and I have – it isn't just a high school thing."
Smiling in agreement, Angela and I stepped inside the shop. I could already taste the blood in the air. Its rusty scent was thick and heavy in the surroundings; would my views ever change? Would I soon begin to think of it as a sweet elixir?
"May I help you?"
I regarded the woman who came over to us carefully. Her body was decorated with many tattoo's, all rather overpowering and covering the majority of the skin she had on show.
"I'd like a tattoo," I said quietly.
The woman scoffed and she rolled her eyes, eyeing me up and down in one short glance before scrunching up her face.
"Well, you've come to the right place. What do you want?"
I tried to describe what I wanted; Edward's name in small script just below my ear, bordering on my neck. If my plan worked, Edward wouldn't see his name until he was about to change me. It'd be my last assurance to him that I was completely sure of the choice I was making.
The woman told Angela and I to wait for ten minutes. There were some things that needed to be done and needles that were still sterilising in the back room.
Angela looked around. I jokingly asked her if she wanted a tattoo of Ben's name but she told me her dad would hit the roof if she did.
When the woman was ready, Angela and I made our way through. She'd sketched the kind of thing I'd described but I wasn't quite happy with it. I wanted it smaller than she'd drawn, so the whole name was just smaller than the length of my index finger. The font was perfect; it was elegant and neat, exactly like Edward's penmanship.
And then the hard part came. The woman began and I heard the buzzing of the needle. Angela sat beside me, holding my hand as I had my eyes screwed closed as forcefully as I could. I tried not to breathe through my nose so I couldn't smell my salty blood. Ironic, really, that I was choosing to become a vampire and I couldn't stand the stuff.
It was over quicker than I thought it would be. The woman handed me something that I could apply to help soothe the skin. I paid up and Angela and I left the shop.
"I can't believe you did that!" Angela exclaimed when we were out in the open air. I wanted to touch it but I couldn't move my arms. I was shaking so badly! "I think we should grab something to eat…" she advised and I nodded in agreement.
The wind made my hair swirl around my neck, letting each gust attack my tender skin. Thankfully, we soon entered the first restaurant we came across.
Angela and I sat down to eat, both of us ordering as soon as we could. Although I kept subconsciously touching my neck where the words would forever be on my skin, the afternoon passed as quickly as everything did these days. In a whirlwind of spoken memories and ambitions, jokes and laughter, dinner was over and we moved onto the shops. Because the weather in England was apparently completely unreliable, I bought a selection of clothing with Angela's help (much to Alice's disappointment, as portrayed through a text).
Angela and I had chatted away the day and we were soon in Angela's car, returning home.
My plan was to keep Angela and Edward at a complete distance. Alice could control her thoughts but how odd would it be if I asked Angela not to think about the tattoo when around Edward? It just wouldn't work.
Also, I planned to keep some separation between Edward and I whilst I slept. When conscious, I could make good attempts at keeping my neck hidden from him. I didn't know how intently and closely Edward watched me when I was asleep, and I wasn't going to take any chances.
When Angela dropped me off, I gave her a hearty hug, thanked her profoundly and said my goodbyes – promising to say a final goodbye just before I departed. Both of us would be busy beforehand, and as I walked to the front door with my many bags, I realised that would be the last proper time I would spend with Angela.
Charlie was in when I pushed and shoved my way through the door, his head poking over the top of the fridge looking very confused.
"Where've you been?" he asked frowning.
"Clothes, for England." I tried to smile as I held up the bags, making sure my hair was hanging – as naturally as it could – around my shoulders to hide my neck from Charlie's view.
Charlie grunted and stuck his head back into the fridge, mumbling to himself as I made my way up the stairs.
Pushing open my bedroom door, making loud clatters echo around me as I struggled with the amount of bags, I stumbled forwards. Edward was sitting on my bed, looking mildly amused as he eyed my figure before leaping forwards to assist me.
"Good day?" he asked, grinning. I threw some of the bags on the floor, nodding before throwing myself on the bed, sighing heavily with exhaustion.
"Hmm." I grumbled covering my head with my hands. "My feet, I swear, are about to fall off." I kicked off my shoes and rolled over, lying to look at the ceiling. "Good hunt?"
"I would say it sufficed. I couldn't bare to be away much longer."
"I'm sure." I grinned. "I was thinking," I said as Edward took a space at the end of the bed, taking one of my feet into his lap and massaging gently, "that you should hunt tonight. In fact, I was thinking you should hunt every night from now on until we go to England."
Edward's fingers continued to work magic on my toes, rubbing the heel in such an effective way.
"And why is that?"
"Well, I know how good I smell…" I grinned wickedly, winking. "And I'm sure I taste even better." Edward rolled his eyes but he was smiling also. "And, well, I'd love to live." I was pleased when Edward chuckled, knowing he'd taken it as the joke I'd meant it as. "Anyways, perhaps it'd be easier on you if you aren't even the slightest bit thirsty. If you're hunting like all night every night till then."
"I'm always thirsty, Bella. Animal blood is only so good…"
"Well, as good as we can get, right? I don't want you to be in pain."
"I'm going to spit venom into your veins and cause you scorching agony and you're worried about my pain?"
"Yeah, yeah, pain, I get it. Are you gonna do it?"
"I'll think about it…"
"Just think, the last time you'll ever be able to hunt without me… It's almost like a bachelor party, in a way… one last time to practice the art before having to teach a total beginner…"
"If I didn't know you any better, I'd say you were trying to get rid of me."
"That's exactly what I'm trying to do!"
I tried to fight the smile that threatened to betray me as Edward frowned. His fingers never stopped relieving the ache in my feet and all the time, I was conscious of the positioning of my hair. I was certain it could not be seen.
"So what did you buy?"
"Are you gonna hunt every night, all night?"
"Yes, yes, if it means that much to you…"
"It does." I batted my eyelids dramatically and pushed myself off the bed.
Carefully, I showed Edward all of the clothes that I'd bought for England. Although I wouldn't necessarily need all of the clothing because of vampires constant body temperature, it'd made the charade seem more real to Charlie, and also the humans of England who would eventually seem me after my very strict new-born lock down.
"I like that colour on you," Edward said breathily, his eyes meeting mine.
"That's why I got it." Spinning on the spot, I showed him fully the blue turtle neck jumper. It was perfect, and covered the majority of Edward's name.
"Does Alice know you went shopping without her?"
"Isn't that a stupid question?" I smirked, going to sit on the bed with Edward, stretching my legs out. "I thought you were supposed to be all brains."
"Your words really hurt," Edward said playfully, bringing his hand to his chest. Leaning down, I pressed my lips to the place where he was pretending to grasp.
"I love you," I mumbled into his chest, peppering kisses up his torso until I reached the skin of his neck and making my way up to his mouth.
Edward's eyes were dark when I looked into them. He obviously hadn't hunted very well. My hand came up, framing his face and letting my thumbs trace under his eyes. He leant forward, pressing his lips to mine. His breath, so sweet and alluring, trapped me in this immense whirl of emotions.
It still amazed me how caught up I could get. Even after so much practice and familiarity, everything was still so new, so different.
Soon, I'd be able to go further. When I was a vampire, there wouldn't be any worries or insecurities, doubts or resignations. I'd be indestructible and beautiful. There wouldn't be restrictions.
Edward, surprisingly lenient, continued to kiss me passionately. He was careful, but he didn't stop. His hand came to my hair, massaging my scalp with his magical fingers as we kissed. My hand cupped his face, my thumb playing with his cheek; my other hand tugging in his hair.
"Not long now, Bella…" Edward mumbled into my mouth, bringing his hands down to play with my bracelet and hold onto my neck. I felt his finger playing with the material of my jumper.
Slowly, I pulled away. Edward's eyes widened but recovered quickly. I didn't want him to see my surprise… I wanted to keep it secret, and I wasn't going to risk it.
Not long now, I repeated to myself.
"Are you okay?"
Edward leaned forwards again, his hand resting on the top half of my arm and kissing my forehead lightly.
"I'm fine, just tired. Sorry."
"You are allowed to refuse to kiss me, Bella."
"I'm not refusing!" My brow furrowed. "I just… stopped. To breathe, to think. I can't think when you kiss me…"
I sighed heavily, restoring my thoughts. Three weeks to go – three weeks was all I had to wait until I'd be flying to England where my change would take place.
My eyes wandered around the room. All of my belongings were still scattered carelessly, fresh piles of clothes that I'd just modelled for Edward were on the floor and the bed. Books, CD's, photo's and knick-knacks were still to be sorted through and packed. Although Charlie assumed I'd be coming back after two or three years, and visiting during that time, I knew I wouldn't be. I'd have to take all the things I wanted with me.
"I have to pack," I said quietly to Edward, to myself.
"Perhaps I could help, before you kick me out?" His eyes shone playfully.
"I, erm, I was gonna ask Charlie." I offered him a sort-of smile as he looked at me, nodding. "I thought it'd be something we could do together, you know, and I could sort through the memories here."
"That sounds like a great idea."
Despite Edward's words, I wasn't sure that he felt so sure. His face had a strange expression that lay hidden amongst a false smile.
"I love you," I said. I pressed a firm kiss against Edward's lips and stood up off the bed.
"So, I'll see you…tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."
He seemed uncertain but nodded his head. After a final kiss on my forehead, he disappeared out of the window.
For several moments after he'd gone, I stared at the window. I made sure I closed it, making certain that he understood he couldn't come in tonight. Fingering my new tattoo, I liked the way it felt under my fingers. I knew it was there because it was tender but that wouldn't last too long.
Looking around the room, I sighed heavily. There was no time like the present, I thought, as I made my way downstairs.
"Dad?"
He was fiddling with a fishing rod at the kitchen table, eyes focused on the fine knob that he was meddling with.
"Hmm?"
"I'm going in three weeks," I said quietly. Charlie raised his head to meet my eyes. "I've got a lot to sort through…" I paused. "I wondered if you could help me?"
Eyes wide, Charlie seemed a little stunned at my proposal. Setting down the rod on the table and picking up his beer can, he joined me in the doorway. He put his arm around my shoulders and turned me around, giving me a push up the stairs.
Charlie didn't say much as we began. His eyes were misty as we worked, the occasional memory shared between us over an object. There wasn't much in the room, although a surprising amount considering I hadn't lived there for a long.
I piled things up, separated into groups.
Edward sent me a message half way through the evening: I love you, Bella. Sweet dreams, my love xxx
I felt guilty for turning him away, insisting that I slept without him. Three weeks, and we'd have forever. But when I got into bed that evening, I realised how long three weeks could be without Edward beside me as I slept.
I'm very curious to each of your thoughts. Please review?
As I say, not long left now. I hope you liked it!
Thanks for reading xx
