Duo's Journals

Entry 29:

I hate to admit it, but there is definitely an extra spring in my step today, and if I haven't been entirely 100 lately, I am definitely feeling (and possibly acting) so now.

I was really split last night over this, but you know what, it was just sex, and it felt great.

Hiiro seems to be giving me a once over every few hours, and seems to be slightly cold-shouldering me, but not really. I think he has an idea of what happened last night, but possibly not with who. And it may only be because he's concerned I might revert, or something. I dunno. I'm kind of in too good a mood to be paying too much attention.

Getting lots of shit done today, I'm feeling really productive for once.

Got a call from Wufei telling me that he's being sent out tonight and that he can't hang out with me and Hiiro later (I relayed the message). He told me to keep healthy and that was it. Nothing awkward. True friends with benefits status reached.

I have the slight fear that Hiiro might remember that it was Fei who drove me to work yesterday and jump to the correct conclusion, but then again, anyone could have picked me up after that, as I left the building hours after Hiiro. Just cause one drives you to a location does not entirely bind them to driving you back. There's also the possibility that I went bowling or something with him, right? You never know. We used to do crazy-shit at all hours before. It's a small safety net, but a net is a net.

I also get the feeling that he really wants to talk to me, but is trying to hide it, which is a little odd for Hiiro; usually when he wants to talk to me he just out and tells me, or gives me The Look or The Sigh.

I have noticed him being a bit more quiet than usual, I mean, Hiiro's a quiet guy as it is, but he's not mute. In the office or around me and the guys he's fairly conversational. He just isn't being quite as talkative- well lets put it this way, he's more silent than usual.

I doubt he's really doing it on purpose, but there's still that twang that I may be at fault. Whatever. I'm at work. I should uh, be working, or at least put this away before he returns.

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Alright, so Hiiro did want to talk after all. He just waited until we got home. Which is, ehh I guess it's normal for him. I guess he didn't want to cause a scene or anything at work…

He was really silent on the car ride home, even with me asking how his work went and if he got this, that or the other thing done as planned, but he was just noncommittal about everything. Which put me down a bit, he's usually more responsive, so I stopped talking. Not that the drive home is a long one anyway, cause it's not. Ten minutes tops, but…

So we get inside and he starts putting something together to eat. Doesn't take me long to realize that it's a one-person dish. This kind of surprises me at first, but when you really think about it, we never said we'd exchange cooking days. So I let it slide. I wasn't hungry anyway so I just go into my room and wake up MiniShini (My computer) and tool away for a while exploring the great expanses of human entertainment.

On that hand, I'll never understand why some people think it's sexy to get busy with animals. Seriously? Cute and fluffy – why? Who came up with that shit? Blegh.

I guess Hiiro's done eating and stuff because he hovers in my open doorway now. (I was reading news by then, so I wasn't too concerned with him seeing what I was doing at my computer). I turn to him and ask what's up. He asks to come in, I have no reason not to let him in, so I say "Sure, I'm not doing anything important anyway".

He comes in and looks at my bed, I tell him to take a seat, he instead sits on my cargo bench chair (that he hates).

It occurs to me that, he wants to talk to me, but he somehow can't seem to start. Like he wants to know, but doesn't want to ask, or maybe the other way around. To spur him on, I don't fully know what this is about after all, I ask what's up.

He just says my name and sighs, then looks at me with something of a disappointed look on his face. "Where were you last night?"

"Out, why?"

"Out where?"

"A friends" I'm being evasive I know, but it's not lying and I am good at this. I have lots of friends at the office – practically the entire department considers me as such.

"What for?"

"We had something to work out. Everything's settled, so don't worry about it"

This is obviously not quite the answer he was expecting, and, as it is entirely true, I don't feel too bad about saying it this way. We did have something to work out, our pent up sexual frustration, and we took care of it. It's all better, for now.

He doesn't quite know what to say anymore, and looks away, somewhere between his feet and the base of my bed in front of him.

But now it's my turn, "Why?"

He just shrugs, thanks Hiiro, be just as evasive as I am.

"Who?"

My response is 'huh?'

"What friend?"

"Wufei, why? Is something the matter?" I realize he's inching closer to the truth and cant really allow that, so I throw the questions in there as a decoy. Not that I'm not curious why he cares so much, but I mostly want to make sure he doesn't get all up on my back either.

"Just curious, I suppose. What did you have to work out?"

"I think that's between the two of us, Hiiro. No offense, you're one of, if not my best friend, but sometimes we need to rely on other people as well."

He looks sharply at me now, not angrily, but something I've said has startled him. His expression is normal, but his eyes show me that he's jumping to all sorts of conclusions. Who knows what they are. I'm really confused as to why he's so invested in this, so I tell him so. It's not fair that when I ask him questions he blows me off, but when he asks questions I answer them. I tell him that too.

"Just curious." Is all he says. I ask "Why curious?"

He shakes his head softly "If I could understand it, I'd let you know."

This makes me internally go "huh" really loudly. Instead I ask if he wants to talk about it.

"I don't know."

"Hii, you know I wasn't lying all those weeks ago when I said you can talk to me and I wont mind. Remember? I meant it. So, what's up, you've been all out of sorts today…"

"You were late." Shrug, "Didn't say hello. I thought something happened. When you acted fine today… It didn't add up, is all."

"Oh… sorry… I guess it was a kind of long night… Sorry. I-" didn't realize you'd wait up for me? What do you say to that? I left the sentence hanging.

"Next time let me know."

Then he got up and left. What I want to know is why I should let him know? He's mad at me, and I'm not even sure why.

Paz Note:

I realize in hindsight that Duo sort of talks like I do, which is to say, he's vulgar… So if this offends anyone, sorry… (I'm actually a LOT worse, f-bombs everywhere with sprinklings of the other stuff)

I tried to make Hiiro sound brief and curt as Hiiro should, but given the nature of their conversation, I might have messed up, so sorry…

Also, I know some people might be offended by these startling revelations about Duo's sex life, the reason I do this is because, quite frankly, Duo was a street orphan and in order to survive and to convince himself that life was worth living I can see him doing a lot of otherwise bad behaviors. Also, we must remember, it's not unheard of, even today, for people to go out on weekends for the sole purpose of getting laid (sometimes also for getting drunk). I believe this may be more common for men than for women, but all the same, I feel that Duo could get whoever he wants whenever (if he sets his mind to it) and might say "well I can, so why the hell not?" Again, this is how I perceive him for this particular story, so I hope you can bear with these utterly human faults which I have created in his character.