Additional Disclaimer: I do not own Scandinavia and the World; that belongs to Humon.


Part IV

"So, did you hear?"

"Hear about what?"

"Everything, Anita!" Kitty Smith looked gleeful as she dragged a giant whiteboard into the dorm room. On it were people's names, with various arrows linking them to each other.

"What is that?" Anita Khok, Kitty's roommate, demanded as she looked at the whiteboard.

"A chart of who's with whom, of course," Kitty replied wickedly. "It shows relationships, crushes, one-night stands, breakups… everything!"

"That is so creepy," Anita declared. "Is this updated?"

"You'll help me with updating it, of course," Kitty replied, smirking.

Anita peered at the diagrams. "What's with the question marks?"

"Those are my guesses," Kitty replied. "See this one between Tori and Franklin?" She pointed to the arrow that went from TORI TROUTMAN to FRANKLIN MYCROFT LIVINGSTON. "Tori denies it vehemently, but we all know that level of insistence means she feels the exact opposite."

"Yeah, just look at Arthur," agreed Anita, erasing the double-headed arrow between KRISS KROSS and MERKA BREIGHER and replacing it with two arrows going in opposite directions.

"I thought they were an item!" Kitty exclaimed. "You sure they're not?"

"They're too shy to admit it to each other," Anita replied, shrugging. She then drew arrows from the two girls to ALEXANDER MORRIS.

"Well, that was expected," Kitty sighed as she drew an arrow from ALOISIO GUERRA to KAREN DULAY.

"Just from him to her?" Anita asked, looking mildly disappointed.

"Yeah, it's horribly one-sided. Almost like Charlie and Mr. Hugh – and before I forget –" Kitty drew another arrow from CHARLIE TENTERDEN to MR. HUGH FRASER. "Voilà."

"Oh, yes, ditto for Carolina to Franklin, here." Anita drew an arrow from CAROLINA BROWN to FRANKLIN MYCROFT LIVINGSTON. "But we all know he's in the closet for Taylor." There went the arrow from FRANKLIN MYCROFT LIVINGSTON to TAYLOR DREWS-GARCIA.

"I swear, all the guys are gay for him," Kitty sighed. "But now I'm sad, because that'll mess up the relationship between Taylor and Mike!" She pointed to the double-headed arrow between TAYLOR DREWS-GARCIA and MIKE HAWK.

"At least Mike can find consolation with Mars McMillan. Mm, those goggles," Anita sighed. Pause. "Forget I said anything."

"That'd be so cute!" squealed Kitty. "They act the same, though, so they can pretend to be straight together!"

"My point exactly," Anita replied. "Oh, don't forget Kuril and Enrique. Now that's something I want to see." She grinned an Ivan-like grin. "I've seen Kuril stare predatorily at Enrique sometimes."

"Probably because it's full moon next week," Kitty noted, cackling. "Mm, a vampire and a werewolf…"

Anita giggled. "Let's go back to these two," she said after a moment, pointing to MEGAN and LUCIA VERDAS. "You got anything on them?"

Kitty shrugged. "Dunno. You?"

Anita smirked, nodding. She then drew a wavy double-headed arrow between MEGAN and ANDREW HO.

Kitty dropped her marker in surprise. "NO WAY!" she shrieked. "They got some!"

"She cheated on Lucia like… last night," Anita explained, twirling her marker. "I mean, what else explains Megan and Andrew's dishevelled appearances this morning and how closely they sat together at breakfast? I could've sworn Andrew was sitting funny, but…"

Kitty snorted. "Megan would try to top a guy," she sniggered. "But still, poor Lucia. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know."

"Yeah… Megan likes… like, everyone." Anita grinned as she drew arrows from Megan's label to just about everyone else on the chart. "Barring a couple of people, that is. I don't think she wants to sleep with that British kid Alexander."

"That's because he's shorter than her," Kitty pointed out, grinning. "Still, I think Alexander's got enough on his plate with Merka and Kriss going after him. Think he still likes Jennifer?"

Anita responded by drawing an arrow. "Certainly looks like it at times," she replied.

"I disapprove," Kitty sniffed. "I wonder how many of these straight arrows are actually wavy ones."

Both girls looked at the ridiculously straight (as in, done with a ruler straight) arrow between JENNIFER CHANG and WORKBITCH BARTHOLOMEW.


Jennifer Chang wanted to turn around, walk back to the dorms, crawl beneath the covers, and sleep for a week. But she couldn't, because she was tiptoeing down a dark hallway with Kriss and Merka, in search of the Holy Grail.

That is, if the Holy Grail was a crossover plothole.

There once was a time when sneaking around at night with Kriss and Merka was fun. Nowadays it had turned into something very awkward. Jennifer now felt like an intruder, a third wheel, and a side sampler of those lovely strawberries of unresolved sexual tension. She would have made an awkward turtle, but the last time she did it got absolutely no response.

"Great, fucking great," she muttered to herself as Kriss and Merka shared another awkward 'do you like me because I like you and I don't know if you like me back' glance. "What the fuck is wrong with the two of you?"

"Nothing," Kriss snapped. Merka nodded vehemently, crossing her arms.

Jennifer sighed, trudging along ahead of them with the flashlight. "Where are we?" she asked after a moment.

"No clue," Merka said immediately, as Jennifer shone the flashlight on the portraits all along the wall. The Nations were depicted in each oil painting, stern-faced and splendidly dressed. Obviously, these things had been painted centuries ago. She recognised the painting of Roderich Edelstein that Chibitalia had defaced – the moustache was still there.

Kriss glowered. "I haven't the foggiest," she agreed grouchily.

"Stop PMSing, Kriss," Merka teased. Jennifer thought that statement actually had some substance to it.

"Shut up!" Kriss hissed.

"Well, if you won't stop PMSing, then stop acting so tsundere to poor Merka," Jennifer sighed. But Kriss looked about to murder someone, so they dropped the topic and continued to walk down the hallway.

"Is it just me," Merka said suddenly, "or do I smell strawberries?"

"Nah, that's just the unresolved sexual tension floating around between the two of you. I'd like it if you can fix it sometime this century," Jennifer deadpanned.

"No, no, seriously. I smell strawberries, too," Kriss said, frowning. Jennifer blinked.

Sure enough, the entire hallway smelt like cloyingly sweet strawberries. Jennifer sniffed once, twice, and fought the urge to retch. The smell got worse as they advanced down the hallway, until…

"Holy Roman Empire, what the fuck is that?" Merka breathed.

"I think it's a crossover plothole," Jennifer murmured, as they gazed at the Bled-coloured nebula floating at the end of the hallway.

"It smells like dead strawberries," Kriss complained, shielding her eyes from the horrible colour. Meanwhile, Merka had grabbed a stick and was gingerly poking the plothole with it.

"What if it explodes?" Jennifer wondered curiously before reaching into the plothole and blindly feeling around. "OW!" she suddenly screamed, as something stabbed her hand. Pain shot through her entire body, and she quickly pulled her hand out of the plothole.

"Your hand! It's bleeding!" Merka screamed. "Oh my god, this is bad! This is really bad!"

A figure suddenly jumped out of the plothole, carrying a bloodstained knife. He wore a green knit cap on his head and a shirt with the Finnish flag on it. He also looked as if he needed a shave, and he bore a maniacal gleam in his eyes.

"Perkele," he hissed.

In perfect three-part harmony, Jennifer, Merka, and Kriss screamed.

"IT'S SCANDINAVIA AND THE WORLD FINLAND! OKAY, NOW IT'S REALLY, REALLY BAD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"


"You got everything settled?" Tino Väinämöinen asked Denmark and Norway, who were looking very pleased with themselves. "All of the cameras are in place, correct?"

"Yes," replied Norway. "We're expecting to be inundated with picture requests tomorrow. I hope your helpers will show up at the entrance of the Staff Section on time."

"Oh, they will. Never underestimate a fanstudent with a picture-taking mission," Tino cackled.

"So, how are we going to split up the requests for Staff pictures?" Denmark asked. "Because I'm pretty sure most students will ask for pictures of the Staff."

"We'll be doing the usual camera-phone things with the Staff, then. That shouldn't be too hard," Tino replied.

"Who's taking pictures, other than us Nordics?" Norway asked.

Tino looked thoughtful. "Well, Picardy, Kiku, and Elisabeta definitely are. I haven't heard from Francis, Hong Kong, or Nataliya yet."

"I think they'll agree," Norway replied, crossing his arms. "Ahh, hei, Iceland." He nodded coolly at Iceland, who had appeared clutching his temperamental puffin.

"There's something strange going on," Iceland said by way of greeting. "Or at least, I woke up thinking that."

"What could possibly be wrong?" Tino wondered. "Other than getting inappropriate picture requests from the students, but we usually ignore those."

"No, it's got nothing to do with that. It's got something to do with the crazy knife-wielding person standing behind you."

Tino turned around, eyes widening when he saw Scandinavia and the World Finland. "Perkele," he cursed.

"Perkele," Scandinavia and the World Finland replied, as if that curse word was a greeting.

The other Nordics looked at each other worriedly. "Do you think there's more of… his friends… anywhere else?" Denmark wondered, peering at Scandinavia and the World Finland from behind Norway.

Suddenly, a man with curly blond hair and a Norwegian flag shirt popped up behind Scandinavia and the World Finland. "Now, now, Finland, you know you shouldn't threaten these people," he warned. Scandinavia and the World Finland merely turned the knife on the new arrival, who looked mildly freaked out. "You wouldn't want me telling Sister Sweden, now would you?" the man asked, chuckling.

Scandinavia and the World Finland glared. The curly-haired man grinned at the Nordics sheepishly. "H-hei… I'm Norway," he said. "Sorry about Finland's behaviour… have any of you seen Denmark around here? He looks a bit like you," he added, pointing to Denmark, "but without the hat… and he wears the Danish flag."

"I'm Denmark!" Denmark snapped, but Norway – not the Scandinavia and the World one – punched him in the jaw.

"You idiot, he's talking about another Denmark."

"Well, we haven't seen him," Tino said, nervously eying Scandinavia and the World Finland. "We'll look for him for you, since you seem to be –" he was cut off by a cry.

"NORWAY! FINLAND! There you are!" A blond man with glasses and the Swedish flag on his shirt cried, running into the scene looking very out of breath. "I haven't seen Denmark anywhere!"

"Yes, yes, I thought so, Sweden," Scandinavia and the World Norway sighed. "Can you convince Finland to put his knife down?"

"Finland, put the knife down," Scandinavia and the World Sweden snapped, smoothing his hair back into place.

Scandinavia and the World Finland glared. Scandinavia and the World Norway sighed. "No luck, I guess. Well, these nice folks are willing to give us a hand."

"That's helpful," Scandinavia and the World Sweden replied. "What are your names?"

"I'm Denmark!" Denmark snapped. "And that's Norway, Iceland, and Finland – his name's Tino, by the way."

The Scandinavia and the World Nations looked at each other. In his surprise, Scandinavia and the World Finland put down his knife.

"Wait, wait, we have impostors?" Scandinavia and the World Sweden demanded.

"You're our impostors!" Denmark declared. Norway punched him again. "Ow, Norway! Stop that!"

Norway glared at him. "You're not helping the situation. We're going to help these… other Nations."

"Yes, yes, that sounds like an idea," Tino piped up. "You are only missing Denmark, correct?"

"Well, by now I'm guessing that more of our colleagues could have crossed over to your… place," Scandinavia and the World Sweden replied. "We are so sorry."

"No, no, the more the merrier," Tino replied cheerily. "Let's go, then!"

As the Nordics went off in search of Scandinavia and the World Denmark, they could hear the other Nordics talking about them.

"If only you were cheerful like the Finland in this world, Finland," Scandinavia and the World Norway seemed to be saying.

"Perkele," replied Scandinavia and the World Finland.


"Alexander?" Kriss asked, taking a seat next to him at the Europe table at lunch on Thursday. The Briton looked up, smiling slightly.

"Hello, Kriss," he said, before looking at his plate. "How are you?"

"It could be worse," Kriss replied, blushing.

"Well, that's still not good," Alexander pointed out. "What's wrong?"

"Merka," Kriss replied. "I think she likes me."

"Oh." Alexander raised a moderately thick eyebrow. "You swing that way?"

"Well…" Kriss trailed off awkwardly. "Um…"

"Forget I asked. Do you like her back?"

"Well, yes, but she never tells me that she likes me and I'm too shy to tell her that I like her. Isn't that a problem?"

Alexander frowned. "Yeah, that sounds like a problem," he said.

"So what do I do?" Kriss demanded, staring at him.

Alexander shrugged. "Tell her you like her? I mean, I remember how…" he trailed off, scowling. "Never mind."

"What?" Kriss asked. "Do you remember how you told Jennifer you liked her?"

"Other way around," Alexander replied. "She did it with a card."

Kriss blinked. "Oh," she said after a moment. "That seems discrete enough."

"If you don't have friends chanting 'kiss kiss kiss' as you read it, sure," Alexander pointed out, rolling his eyes.

"That must be awkward," Kriss replied, still blushing. Alexander laughed.

"It was," he said, looking at Kriss with a smile. She felt as if she was melting at the hands of the Sexy British Accent, and coupled with the smile…

From the North America table, Merka and Jennifer exchanged dark glances.

"She likes him more than me, doesn't she," Merka remarked bitterly.

"Don't be like that," Jennifer murmured, but she glared at Alexander as well.

"You're a fat lot of help for a girl who is wallowing in jealousy because her crush is getting hit on by some British kid!"

"Make it a threesome," Jennifer joked. "Everyone'll be happy, ne?"

"Have you ever…?" Merka asked, causing Jennifer to flush a brilliant shade of scarlet.

"No!" she snapped, turning her attentions to the platter of poutine in front of her.

"Are you going to?" Merka asked, grinning wickedly.

"Maybe," Jennifer replied vaguely. "With the right person, in the right circumstances." She was seventeen now, wasn't she? That was way past the age of consent in Spain.

"Good luck with that, then," Merka replied. Jennifer shrugged, looking over at Kitty and Anita at the Asia table. They seemed to be bent over some piece of paper, giggling.

"I don't want to know what Kitty's got in store," she sighed.


"All right, so now we've got Kriss and Alexander verified… not as a couple, but still." Kitty snickered. "Jennifer seems to be sitting cosy with Merka."

"It's always a possibility," Anita replied, looking over at Megan and Lucia. They were sitting together, but Lucia didn't seem to notice the intense staredown between her alien girlfriend and Andrew Ho.

"Look, some new additions to the Special People group," Kitty remarked suddenly, watching Rinaldia take a spot next to Sabrina and a very androgynous-looking… creature. It seemed to be a cross between a faerie, a unicorn, and a human.

"Who is that?" Anita asked, pointing to the… creature.

"I heard he… or she… or it… is named Mr. Princess Glitter McSparklycorn BalliFarina," Kitty whispered back. "We also have a Dark Angel, a normal angel, a cupid, a HuMAN –"

"Whatever the heck that is," Anita added. "And that's a Vocaloid, right?" she added, pointing to Rinaldia, who was busy shattering windows.

"Yes. We also have a sorceress –" here, Kitty pointed to Laisai Delavie, who was arguing with Laurel Martin, "and… apparently a goddess who eats idiots. But I don't think Sealand would let her do that, so no powers for her. Anyways, that's why she's licking her lips at Katrina Sharon, who's a human idiot."

"Can we call her the chick with the long name? Or at least the other chick with the long name, since Sabrina was the first…"

"Whatever floats your boat, Anita." Kitty frowned. "Then we have the procrastinator –"

"Sealand thought that was a species?" Anita demanded.

"Yeah, apparently," Kitty said, shrugging. "Um, then there's that werewolf we talked about, Enrique Escatara. And Midori Harrison is part-musician. I think Azure's jealous."

"She would be." Anita grinned. "Who's that?"

"This bloke called the Writer," Kitty said, shrugging. "He's a shapeshifter."

"That's not a cheerful idea. What if he turns into something ferocious?" Right now, though, the Writer was busy being a blueberry muffin, so Anita's fears were unfounded for the time being. "Ew, who's that?" Anita pointed to a zombie wearing ninja clothing like Akiko Arihima.

"Sam Smith. I swear, she's not related to me," Kitty put up both hands, eyes wide. "I mean, she's a ninja-zombie…"

"Sure. What about the teddy bear?" Anita asked, and Kitty started laughing. "What?"

"That's Gillyflower Calfuray. She put down 'phooka' on her registration form, and Sealand obviously thought of Garfield's teddy bear."

"Oh, Pooky!" Anita sniggered. "That's got to suck!"

"I know, right? Let's see, I think there's one new addition… aha." She pointed to yet another Asian girl with glasses – only this one had glittery wings on her back. "Crystal Xu."

"Crystal Shoe?" Anita asked.

"Something like that, I suppose," Kitty said with a shrug. "I'm not an expert at Chinese pronunciations."

"Yeah, whatever," Anita grumbled. "Okay, that's all the new Special People, right?"

Kitty nodded. "Might be missing some, but I don't know. Now, back to our chart. What else can we verify?"

Anita sniggered, pointing to the three female Alexes. "Think there's something between them?" she asked.

Kitty grinned evilly.