Thor walked back into Odin's room with a determined look on his face. His steps slowed when he heard voices arguing in hushed undertones. He heard his mother tell his father that he, amongst other things, should be ashamed of himself. Understatement, he thought. He stopped and decided to be the nosy kid he once was again.
"I am not comfortable with it, Frigga."
Frigga let out an unladylike sound, something similar to a groan before swearing in her parents' native language. "Faen, how many times do I have to tell you that it does not matter how you feel? All that matters is Loki."
"Are you going to stand there, look me in the eye, and tell me that it does not bother you in the least that your son is out there being intimate with, kissing, touching another man?"
"I am not sure how you spend your free time, husband, but I can assure you I do not spend mine thinking of my son's—either of my son's—intimate relations!"
Thor had to press a fist to his mouth to keep from laughing.
"That is not what I meant and you know it!"
"Keep your voice down," Frigga murmured, lowering her own. "And stop working yourself up. If you have another heart attack and give me another scare like that, I will kill you myself, Odin."
Thor heard Frigga sigh heavily followed shortly by a muffled sob, and wondered if he should send her home. He wanted to speak to Odin alone anyway. He moved back by the door and purposely opened it and closed it loudly, pronounced his steps. "Mother…"
Frigga turned and went to him, gripping her fingers in his shirt. "Loki?"
"He is upset but he will be fine. He is with Tony." He pointedly looked at Odin. "And he is leaving." Thor held Odin's one-eyed gaze until the older man looked away.
"Leaving? Where is he going, Thor?"
Thor lowered his eyes to his mother's and took her by the arms. "I do not know, mother. But he said he would let me know. You should not worry; he will be fine with Tony." His arms went around her when she pressed her face into his chest. "Mother, go home."
Frigga's only answered was to shake her head. He laid a large-palmed hand on her head.
"You are weary. Gå hjem ogfå litt hvile, mamma."
She lifted her head and looked up at him with damp eyes before glancing at Odin. He didn't notice; he was staring, his mouth drawn down, out the window. "Are you sure?"
Thor couldn't help the glare on his face as he looked Odin's way. "I need to speak with him alone."
Frigga laid a hand on his cheek, turned his face to his. "Don't be too hard on him." Thor nodded and stepped back. Frigga turned to Odin. "Will you behave?" Odin only grimaced at her. "Mind his heart rate, Thor. I shall see you in the morning." She kissed the top of Odin's head, pecked Thor's cheek, and grabbed her things.
Thor crossed his arms and leaned against the wall across from Odin's bed. He said nothing, waiting for Frigga to leave. Odin finally looked at him, squirming a little under his harsh stare.
"Are you going to stand there and stare at me all day, Thor?"
"No." He said no more than that and Odin threw his hands up in frustration.
"You have something to say, say it. Don't dawdle."
Thor purposely stayed quiet a moment longer. "What happened in here?" he asked softly.
"Loki being his same, hard-headed self, that's what."
"Is that so?"
Odin frowned. "Do you question me?"
"I am questioning many things right now, father. Your actions toward my brother recently are just a few of them. I do not understand the constant tension between the two of you."
"My actions? I am your father—and Loki's. There should be no question of my actions. What I do not understand is where you two have learned this defiance and ungratefulness. Everything I have ever done was in both of your best interests. And this is the thanks I am to receive: Loki's stubbornness and misbehavior, and you threatening me with your fists and words?"
Thor pushed up from the wall, his arms still crossed. "Everything you've ever done was in my best interest? I do not remember mother mentioning your damaged reputation when she told me I would be getting a new brother."
The elder man sighed, rolled his eye. "You were ten."
His arms unfolded and his hands went straight to his narrow hips. "Yes, but I was not stupid. Do you think I could not see the problems between the two of you even then?"
"Would telling you have changed how you treated Loki?"
Thor grimaced, shook his head. "Of course it wouldn't have! But keeping it from both of us for so long did not work out quite the way you planned, did it?"
Odin covered his face with both of his hands, pushing them up through his hair in a move of frustration. "Thor, it was a decade ago. Why can you and Loki not let this go?"
Thor shrugged again. "We probably could, but, father, that does not change the fact that you have always treated Loki differently."
"I have not!" Odin clenched his jaw and glanced at his heart monitor when it began to beep faster. He inhaled deeply to calm himself but Thor continued to scold him.
"You have! You do not show the same interest in anything he does as you have for me. You do not talk to him. Try it sometime, Odin." Thor ignored the look in Odin's eye at his use of his father's first name. He had never done that before, but it made him feel a little empowered at the moment. "Perhaps then you would understand how intelligent and funny he is, and a talented writer. Perhaps you would learn of the friends he has made this year; friends that are very loyal to him. And care about him very much."
Odin was quiet for brief moment. "I suppose now you are going to tell me how not one of those friends care that he is in an intimate relationship with a man and shares a bed with him."
Thor's head tilted to the side skeptically. "We are in college, father. Many people share their beds with many others." He paused briefly and felt his cheeks heat a little. "I often share my bed with Jane. And she shares hers with me."
Odin blinked, surprised at first at Thor's confession. Then he waved it away. "That is different."
The younger man laughed shortly. "How is it different?"
"It is not the same, Thor," he answered with a sharp shake of his head.
"Why?" Thor crossed his massive arms again. "Explain to me why me sharing my bed with Jane, a young woman I am in an intimate relationship with, is different from Loki sharing his bed with Tony, a young man he is in a relationship with?"
"Because…!" Odin stuttered and fumbled over his words before he finally, angrily, and with only a little shame, said, "Because I do not want a gay son!"
Thor went mute for two long beats. "You do not have a gay son."
Odin's face went dark. "Are you trying to be funny?"
"Not at all," Thor said with a shake of his head, again uncrossing his arms. "Loki does not consider himself gay—or straight, to be frank. You would be aware of this if you bothered to do more than criticize him incessantly."
Odin rolled that over in his head. "That does not make sense, Thor."
"It does, actually. More than you might think. But if you want an explanation you would have to ask Loki, not me."
Odin still had an affronted grimace on his face. "I do not criticize Loki incessantly."
"Nor do you praise him often," Thor countered.
Odin sighed irritably. "Why do you two harp on me so much? Does your mother not receive this much trouble from you both?"
"No. Because we know she cares." Thor gave a tilt of his head that read 'deal with it' when Odin glared at him again. "There is no question about it with her. Loki and I have both had to work very hard for your praise, father. He does not see how I do. All he sees is your attention focused on me, not him."
Odin threw his head back on the pillow behind him with a groan. "You two are the reason I have silver hair, do you know that?"
Thor could only grin.
He lifted his head of silver again. "You are not bothered by your brother's relationship with your friend and roommate?"
Thinking over his answer, Thor moved to the foot of the bed and sat. "Not bothered really. But I was concerned."
"Concerned about what?" He moved his feet to give Thor more room.
"Initially, your reaction," he replied with a knowing smile that faded quickly. "I always believed the rumors in school were just that: rumors. We were surrounded by males most of the time. I thought the others were just misreading things since there was—"
"Wait a minute. He was doing this in the boarding school?!" Thor threw up his hands, palms out toward Odin, motioning for him to calm down. Odin did so but huffed angrily. "Why did you never tell me?"
Thor turned on the bed, bringing up one leg, to send a hard, stern look Odin's way. "Look what happened when I did this last time." He waited for Odin to look at him. "You nearly beat him to death." He was sadistically pleased to see Odin's face turn red.
"I did not beat him to death. I just got a bit carried away. And he made me angry," he muttered between tightly clenched lips.
"Excuses, father. You have never struck us before." Thor paused as he realized how true his statement was. "You are the one that brought them together, you know?"
"What did you say?"
"Tony and Loki had not had much interaction until that day he and his father had to pull you two apart. Tony made sure you were taken care of and sent you on your way, along with his own father. Then he put Loki in his bed and sat by his side for hours after he passed out, until he woke. So, really, father, all of this is your fault."
Odin's nose twitched as he grimaced and looked away, making Thor chuckle.
"My main concern was for Loki."
"Why?" He moved his shoulders, flicked his hands in a questioning motion, when Thor eyed him closely again.
"You did your research on Tony, did you not?"
Odin had the decency to look embarrassed. "My source only reported to me what was necessary to hire the right girl."
"Hm. Well. I did not want to see Loki hurt. He is much more fragile than he lets on."
They both went quiet, quietly pondering. Thor wondered where they were all to go from this point; Odin wondered why Thor was using the past tense. Did that mean his concerns were no longer legitimate?
"You need to fix this, father."
Odin lifted his one-eyed gaze. "Now you're telling me what to do."
"Yes. Somebody has to," he said as he got to his feet again. "Listen to me." He lifted a hand to stop Odin before he could speak up. "You continue saying that you do things for Loki's own good, for our best interests, that you want what's best for us. As far as my concerns go, Tony has already proven himself a changed man. And he has stuck by Loki through this mess with you, which says a lot about anybody who would do so. I am not saying that it would not hurt for Loki to stop being so affected by your slights and learn to accept you and your ways. But you must do the same, father."
"I am not—"
"Quiet. Don't speak. Just listen. If you love Loki as you say you do, you need to accept him as he is. And Tony, because, for the foreseeable future it seems, he is not going anywhere. You must learn to be at peace with that. Or we will all lose Loki. Or he will lose Tony. And if you are responsible for that…" He lifted his hands and blew out a long breath that also sounded like a scoff. "May the gods be with you."
Thor walked away to pick up his jacket and slipped his arms through it. Odin watched him, everything his eldest son had said swirling in his mind. Just before he disappeared behind the curtain, Odin called him back.
"I do not want to argue anymore, father…" he said on a sigh.
"No—I don't either." He waved his hand then toyed with his IV cord again. "Are you sure you do not know where Loki went?"
Thor shook his head. "I asked, but he would not tell me. Do you know?"
He sighed again, weary from the day, his ageing body aching for sleep, and rubbed a hand over his face then his eye. "I may have an idea. Thor…just be prepared for when he returns. I fear he may need you when he does."
"Why? Where has he gone?"
Odin looked up at Thor sadly. "To look for his father."
Loki had been in Detroit for two days. And he hated every minute since he left D.C. The airport had lost his luggage, and when they recovered it they returned it to D.C. And then lost it again. It was unseasonably warm in Detroit, which he would have dealt with better had he had the appropriate clothes. But, expecting low temperatures and rain, Loki was too hot in the only clothes he had with him. And Loki did not take to warm weather very well.
To add to everything, he was finding it more difficult than he imagined it would be to find his birth father. The man had moved around a lot over the years.
He was checking one more address then he would give up and go home. The last address on his list belonged to an apartment in what looked to be a very shady part of town. Dressed in form-fitting jeans and a cardigan sweater that was making him feel like he was suffocating, the tall and pale-skinned man looked extremely out of place in the urban neighborhood. Every person Loki passed stared at him with curious, suspicious eyes.
He had to climb up five flights of stairs when he finally reached the run-down building. By the time he got to the floor he needed, his face was covered in a thin sheet of sweat. He dug a black hair-band from his pocket and pulled his raven hair, just brushing his shoulders now, back from his face, into a short stub at the nape of his neck. He used the sleeves of his sweater to wipe his face and breathed in and out slowly to calm his racing heart, before knocking lightly on the door.
"It's open," a gruff, muffled voice called from inside.
Loki pushed the door open and poked his head in before stepping fully inside. His nose crinkled as the odor of cigarettes, alcohol, and something else wholly unpleasant invaded his nostrils. His green eyes roamed the apartment, searching for the source of the voice and taking in the less-than-stellar surroundings. The few bits of furniture in the small space were stained and ripped in spaces, messily patched over where the cushion filling spilled out, like blood seeping from a wound. Newspapers and food wrappers were scattered everywhere. Loki swallowed and felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He straightened his back when someone stumbled out from the back of the apartment where he assumed the bedroom was located. The giant, gaunt-faced man hadn't spotted Loki yet, instead focusing on searching through drawers in the kitchen then through messy stacks in the room Loki stood waiting in.
"Excuse me."
The man stopped and looked up at Loki with the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Even more blue than Thor's. He closed one eye, stared through the other, then opened both again. "Who're you?"
"I—"
"How'd you get in here?" he asked with a scowl.
"You told me to come in when I knocked."
"Oh. I thought you were someone else." His eyes looked over Loki, up and down, taking in the clean face, nice attire, and his dark brows came together. Loki bristled a little at the intense scrutinizing coming from the cobalt eyes studying him. "Who are you?" he asked again.
Loki stepped forward once more. "I am Loki."
"Is that s'posed to mean something to me?" The man turned back to his search.
Loki struggled for patience. "I am looking for a man named Laufeyson." He stuck his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, attempting to look casual.
"That's me. Just call me Laufey." He straightened and faced Loki again. "What d'you want?"
It took Loki a minute to find his words. Taking a closer look now, he recognized some of his own features in Laufey's face: the high forehead, the straight, aristocratic nose, and, quite obviously, the height. "I am Loki," he said again. "I am your son."
Laufey's expression showed no changed, except to press his lips together. "I don't have a son." He once more turned his back to Loki and sorted through the papers spread across the sofa then cleared them off in one quick swipe.
Loki felt his stomach clench, but he refused to give up. Not after he had come this far and waited so long. He started forward, moving back again when Laufey exclaimed loudly.
"Found you, you bastard!" Between his fingers he held a silver piece of metal that flashed a bright light across Loki's eyes when it caught the sun. He watched uncomfortably as Laufey pulled a small pipe and a piece of foil from his pocket and proceeded to smoke crack in front of him. Loki shook his head stiffly when Laufey asked if he wanted a hit.
After Laufey was finished, his hand went into the back pocket of his pants and he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He stuck one between his lips and offered one to Loki. Again, Loki declined. Laufey flicked his wrist and lit the cigarette, blowing the smoke into the already stale air.
"What are you doing so far away from the house of Odin?"
Loki's eyebrows rose high. "I thought—...you know him?"
Laufey took another long pull on his cigarette. "I know of him." Smoke flowed from his nostrils in thick gray pillars and Loki coughed. "What d'you want then?"
Loki's brows came together. "I wanted to meet you. Where are you from? I am having trouble placing your accent."
Laufey's icy gaze stayed on Loki as he leaned back against the dingy dining table, still puffing on his cigarette. "Why do you have one at all? Didn't you grow up here?"
Loki stifled another cough. "Yes and no. I was sent to Switzerland for school."
Laufey scoffed. "Figures. I am from Iceland."
"Is that where my mother came from as well?" His teeth bit into his bottom lip at the shadow that crossed over Laufey's face.
"She did," he answered finally, in a very flat voice, tapping off the ashes of his cigarette to the floor.
Loki took another step closer. "Where is she?" he asked softly.
Laufey said nothing; he just stared at Loki through the smoky haze blankly. His cigarette burned until it nearly reached the filter. "Not here," he answered very softly. "I don't want to talk about her," he said before Loki could say anymore.
"Please?" Laufey had looked away to stub out the cigarette and his eyes came back to Loki at the soft plea. Loki tried to smile softly. "I would like to know her."
"You can't." His shoulders rose and fell at Loki's questioning glance. "She's dead." Loki lowered his head, his heart sinking with disappointment. "What did you say your name was?" Laufey lit another cigarette.
The younger man raised his head, cocked an eyebrow. "Loki. Do you not remember what you named me?"
Laufey laughed low at first but it gradually grew and he suffered through a short coughing fit. "I didn't give you that name. Your mother planned to call you Páll, which is Icelandic for Paul. I guess that wasn't good enough for old Moneybags."
Loki was surprised to find that he felt defensive of Odin at Laufey's comments. "You do not seem to care very much for him."
Laufey smirked as he exhaled through the side of his mouth—and Loki again saw the resemblance. "I don't give a damn about him. Or you, for that matter." Loki's back went up at that remark; his hands fell stiffly to his sides. "So why don't you just tell me what you came here for so you can leave?"
His chin lowered slightly. "Have I done something to offend you, Laufey? I was under the impression you were the one who had abandoned your only child. Perhaps you would be so kind as to explain to me why."
Laufey scratched at the back of his head and laughed shortly. "I see that fancy education paid off for you, huh?" He made a face when Loki had no response. He set his gaze on Loki's and shrugged. "You killed the love of my life."
He said it so matter-of-factly, Loki was a little startled. He had that familiar feeling of himself breaking down inside start to wash over him and he had to fight to clamp it down. "What?"
"Your mother," Laufey clarified himself, all traces of humor gone now. "I loved her since we were children. She had been promised to another boy, in another village, but she left our village with me anyway to go to New York. The only thing she ever wanted was to have a baby. And since it was the only thing I could give her…"
Loki watched him with no expression on his face. He felt so torn between wanting to hear about his mother, his birth, and not wanting to know how he was responsible for her death.
"It took awhile but eventually she got pregnant with you. You came early. And you were small. A runt," he said with a slight curl of his lips. "Clearly, you outgrew that." He moved the hand with a cigarette between his fingers up and down to encompass Loki's 6'2" frame.
Loki fought not to shift uncomfortably.
"Anyway," Laufey looked down at his shoes and took a drag on his cigarette. "It was a difficult birth for her, made worse because she didn't have access to any drugs or anything since we couldn't get to a hospital, what with the blizzard snowing us in. The last thing she said to me was that she hoped you looked like me."
Cutting cobalt blue met dark emerald green.
"I see her wish came true. Except for the color of your eyes and your lips; that's all her." Blinking rapidly—from the smoke he would probably say—Laufey stubbed out his second cigarette after one last long drag. "I never wanted kids."
Loki barely hid the short scoff that slipped past his lips.
"And I definitely didn't want the one who took my reason for being, for breathing, away from me. So, after I sent my wife's body back to our village to be buried with her family, I drove upstate to the nicest-looking orphanage I could find and left you on the doorstep."
And now I am caught up, Loki thought bitterly. A few tense moments passed; eyes of father and son locked on each other. Then Laufey shrugged.
"Were you expecting something else?"
Loki's heart broke a little more as he realized that yes, he had expected more. Much more. He closed his eyes on a sigh, shook his head. "Anthony was right; you are worse than Odin."
Laufey scratched at his face. "Who's that?"
"My boyfriend." Loki instantly wanted to take back the words, especially as he caught the disgusted look cross over Laufey's face.
"You a goddamned queer?" he asked then made a disapproving hiss. "That figures with all that expensive schooling. I knew that rich son of a bitch was gonna screw you up."
"That rich son of a bitch also gave me a life you clearly could not."
Laufey bolted up and Loki felt a prickle of panic as he had to lift his head to meet his eyes. "Then why'd you come looking for me, runt? Huh?" Laufey took one step and was in Loki's face. "To show off your fancy clothes?" His fingers reached out to toy with the lapel of Loki's sweater and were quickly slapped away.
"Don't touch me," Loki said as he took a giant step back.
"Why?" Laufey provokingly poked his fingers at Loki's chest and stomach. "Don't you like it when men touch you, pretty boy?"
Loki breathed in and out slowly, struggling to keep a hold on his patience, and continued to slap Laufey's hands away. "You know my name. If you don't want to use it, fine, but there is no need for the name-calling. I came looking for you because I thought…"
"You thought what, queer?"
Loki clenched his jaw and silenced Laufey with a hard shove. "For some reason that seems to escape me at the moment, I thought you would actually turn out to be a better man than Odin. I am realizing with each passing second I spend with you that I was very, very wrong."
Laufey scowled down at Loki. The younger man recognized that look, too. "You think Odin's better than me? Why? Because he's rich? Because he has a big fucking house for you to fuck all your little boys in?"
"No!" Loki felt himself losing control but suddenly hearing someone else insult Odin bothered him. "Odin is better than you because he cared enough to not only take me in, but to be the kind of man who would raise another's son. You couldn't do that, could you? And I'm glad for it now," he snarled into Laufey's face. "If I had stayed with you, only the gods know what more of a mess I would have turned out to be."
With one final sickened look, Loki turned his back to leave. It was a mistake.
Fingers curled into the sweater at his back and Loki felt himself launched across the room. He landed then bounced off of the dirty sofa onto the floor. Groaning, he rolled onto his back and Laufey grabbed him by the front, digging his fists into Loki's sweater. He lifted Loki up from the floor enough so they were face to face.
"You think you can just walk in here and say that to me? I don't even know you, you cocksucking little shit!"
Loki tried in vain to remove Laufey's hands from him, to kick out at the man towering over him. He saw the large fist coming his way a second too late. He rolled onto his stomach this time and Laufey's foot connected with the softest part of his belly. As the wind was knocked out of him, Loki coughed, spitting up the blood that had pooled in his mouth from his cut lip. It blended into the brown rug. Dazed and out of breath, Loki tried to regain his strength even as Laufey's fists and feet pummeled into his face and ribs. He saw out of the corner of his eye Laufey rearing back again for another punch and instinctively wrapped his arms around his ankle and yanked as hard as could.
As Laufey's giant frame fell to the floor with a loud thud, Loki half-crawled for the door, struggling to get to his feet.
"Get back here, you little bitch!"
That was the last thing Loki heard Laufey say as he fled down the stairs as fast as he could.
