THE HUNGER GAMES: A PARODY OF THE HUNGER GAMES
By: Myself
Dedicated to: Katniss Everdeen
And Peeta
And Gale
And all those who died
And to you, my readers
And especially to my dead bunny
I miss you Cuddles!
This will only contain random things that will be weird
And it will not make sense
ENJOY!
Yeah, like the guy in the $3000 suit is going to read another chapter... COME ON!
Chapter 29: Another Chapter – Kill Me Now
I stand behind a curtain. Out there is a stage, and whatever his name is oh right Caesar "Hail or I Will Kill You" Flickerman. Ha ha ha, I just made that inserted nickname up on my own because I am that awesome and cool and I have once stuffed eighteen marshmallows into my mouth. Maybe I shouldn't have let that one slip…
Haymitch stands beside me reassuringly. I think that maybe he thinks that I'm nervous or something because it sounds like maybe he is trying to reassure me? I don't know, he's saying the most messed up garbage can trash nuggets that I have ever heard.
"Alright Katniss, if the badger eats the cheese than it's game over. YOU DO NOT WANT THE BADGER TO EAT THE CHEESE. And when the fat woman sings, it's over, whether you've eaten the slice of pie or not. The goal is to eat the pie, and not only that, but to have it too. Or something like that, it's okay, you're nervous sweetheart."
That's right. He is murmuring this garbage trash yuck yucks that I do not like eww, a moldy sandwich.
And then it hits me: I am about to meet Peeta for the first time in a long time something something oh never mind I was just starting to recite a somewhat popular country song but then stopped because I forgot the lyrics… And now it's gone.
The crowd suddenly erupts into nervous laughter. Whoops. I guess that President Snow hit himself in the face with a snowball again in his attempts at doing a comedic act that is obviously not funny. I have a small peek at the stage and—
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOODNESS THAT IS PERHAPS THE MOST HUMOROUS VISUAL GAG I HAVE EVER SEEN EHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHEHJHjkdgs.
I try to contain my laughter, but it is no use. As I settle down after about five whole minutes of clapping, I realize that the crowd is deathly silent. Deathly because it look like somebody shot themselves, silent because no one is talking.
The worst part is the silence.
"Why is everyone silent?" I ask Haymitch. He palms his face, and I realize that my mic is on. I clasp my hands over my face, but all that occurs is a muffled thump. The low hum of technical equipment hums.
"Wow, that was a really redundant sentence!" I say out loud. Whoops I shouldn't have done that… "Is this thing on?" Feedback.
"Well, ahem, anyway, thank you stupid people of Panem." The voice is Prezzy Snow's, and he walks offstage. I pretend to be a tree as he walks past me, and he looks at me with a funny look, so he was probably not giving me a death threat but definitely wondering why there is a tree backstage.
"Now, the moment no one except for everyone has waited for," says Flick that Channel Man (Flickerman btw I just make so many rad nicknames), "the Victors of blah blah blah nobody cares I want what that guy that shot himself is having, Katty Watty the stupidest person that ever existed yes even more stupid than Caesar Flickerman hey that was mean haha I actually wrote this spiel myself Neverclean, and Peeta Bread Mellark!"
"Remember what I told you," Haymitch says. But he didn't tell me anything, and if he did, it was probs in my sleep so whatevers. I walk on stage and smile and wave at the crowd. A tomato lands on the stage and slides, hitting my feet. Ew.
A gunshot is heard as the person that threw the tomato at me is swiftly executed. Utopia my rear end!
And then I see Peeta. No comment on him.
I smile, laugh, and sit down. Caesar "yes that's right he was named after a character from Rise of the Planet of the Apes" Flickerman smiles and laughs along. I stand up and twirl again, and my dress catches fire. NOO THE BURNING! OW!
Peeta pulls out a fire extinguisher from behind his bach (back actually, that was just a little music joke), and then douses me (now don't take that in a double entendre manner please). This must have been planned all along! I HAYMITCH YOU HATE!
Caesar "OK I'm running out of nicknames" Flickerman is still laughing as I sit.
"So Katty Watty, what is it like to be co-Victor of the Hunger Games?" Flickerman asks in a fantastically superb voice. I'm just kidding, I was trying to insult a super cool insult but that didn't work at all. Oh well, I guess that I will never be a ninja.
"Hey what about me? I won the Hunger Games too, and I didn't even do anything stupid!" Peeta complains. The crowd starts throwing tomatoes at him, and instead of being shot, they are rewarded with bubblegum, which they in turn begin throwing at him.
"OK Peeta, I think we've had enough of your stupidity. And now, a rewatch of the Games!"
Oh no. Not another rewatch of the Games. Basically, we sit and watch the Games all over again. Once we only had one Hunger Games over two years, because it took one year to do the Hunger Games and another to rewatch them.
"And, joining us in particularly embarrassing moments… Katniss's family and her 'just friends' friend Gale Hawthorne, who does not at all go hunting illegally in the woods!" Up on the screen my family and Gale appear. I know we can't really communicate right now, but he appears on the screen and he looks pissed. Like really mad. Oh well, that's what you get for not volunteering for me Gale McBale. Actually McBane, or just Bane, like from The Dark knight Rises, which I really loved in theatres but found lacking later on because of shameless exposition and such.
I am getting really bored of this story, so I will just paraphrase the rest of this section.
We watch the thing and it takes a few days and it is really embarrassing because there is no censorship in this country, so my shocking pics and clips are bound to be online in… right now about.
And we watch the thing, stuff happens, President Snow looks at me strangely and warns me and I sneeze into his hair and blow off his toupee because he smells like candy cane roses…
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hey, I am writing this December 19…
END AUTHOR'S NORE
…and et cetera, blah blah blah.
Haymitch warns me about the Capitol, and really, this story is dragging so I'll conclude the story next chapter on the train. That's it. I'm pooped.
Go on! Read the next chapter now! It's out already! Will the conclusion be epic? Definitely not. But it'll give you some closure... or will it? Doesn't matter no one's even reading this anyway so JUST GO AHEAD AND READ THE NEXT CHAPTER! ALRIGHT!
