I think Brenda & Cruz have become my new favorite couple!

The Paperbag Princess is a children's book by Robert Munsch it is also the book that Patrick needed to stop at Border's Bookshop to look for in Chapter 14.


For the Love of Family

Chapter 28: Princesses & Dragons

Back in Brenda's room Cruz sat perched on the edge of the bed. "Is Keesha alright?"

"Not really, she's thinking about Lucky and the baby she and AJ lost," Brenda said uneasily knowing the explanation would hurt him.

Cruz shuddered. "That whole situation was beyond messed up on multiple levels," he said.

"Agreed, and Keesha just got caught in the middle of the fallout. Listen I know he was your partner once, Emily's best friend once, but at some point he has to take responsibility for his actions," Brenda said.

"I agree, it's just hard for me to have seen who he was and who he has become," Cruz said.

"I suppose as hard as it is to believe perhaps he hasn't quite hit rock bottom yet," Brenda suggested.

"I hope that's not quite the case," Cruz said.

"Yeah, but usually when you truly hit that lowest possible point is when you realize that you need help and are desperate enough to accept it, or I suppose unable to accept it which often leads to seeking other ways out," Brenda said.

"You mean like suicide?" Cruz asked warily. He really hoped she wasn't speaking from experience. He offered a silent prayer that this was something she had read in some book for one of her psychology courses not her personal feelings.

"For some people, sometimes people also find a different yet equally unhealthy coping mechanism or a different vice so to speak," Brenda explained.

Cruz took her hand, "I love you," he said.

"I know, and to answer your unasked question I'm not completely speaking from experience," Brenda said.

"What do you mean?" Cruz asked warily.

"Well when things were their worst before I just turned to Sonny. I suppose you might argue that was a different vice, although I think at the time I saw it as being willing to seek help," Brenda said.

"I'm not judging Brenda. Ok I don't like the man, but if he helped you back then I'm glad he was there for you," Cruz said.

"He did, Sonny does well in crisis, it's the day to day stuff that he struggles with," Brenda said.

"What do you mean?"

"He can be incredibly loving, nurturing, and gentle when people are vulnerable. I think he identifies with that scared out of control feeling from his childhood. Plus I think being the protector and the comforter assuages a lot of his feelings from childhood. He was great with Stone when he was dying, better than any of us really, but don't tell Robin that I said that. She was great with him in her own way too," Brenda said a few tears appearing on her lashes as she thought about Stone.

"Anyway Alli died that summer and Emily went off to start medical school, well that BS-MD program she did, in the fall. Jax and I were still in theory trying to make things work but we couldn't because I had so much internal crap that I just couldn't or wouldn't begin to even share with him. On the outside I had everything my adoring boyfriend who truly hated me by that point I think, multiple modeling jobs which were getting harder and harder to make it through. It was harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning, which was probably partly depression because it's hard to starve and not be depressed but anyway. I was doing this cover for Vogue Glamour I got up to do some pose the photographer thought was good and passed out. Admittedly not a new thing but somehow it was different that time. I know I could have called Alan and Monica they would have helped but somehow because it was only four months after Alli's death I just couldn't do that to them. So I called Sonny. He was great he fixed everything. I realize now that ideally he would have supported me while I fixed everything, that's probably what Alan would have done. Perhaps I realized that even then and wasn't quite ready for that although I don't think I did. Anyway I've learned from that, I suppose that's positive," Brenda said.

Cruz took a deep breath and pulled her into his arms. "I love you. You don't owe me an explanation," he said.

"I know. But see I think I love you too, and I want you to understand. I don't want you to fix it like Sonny did. Ok maybe I do want that because it would be so much easier. But it wouldn't be better and it would just create a cycle and I don't want that," Brenda said quietly.

"I'm not going anywhere Brenda, I love you," Cruz said.

"Good, because I don't want you to," Brenda said smiling.

"I'll try not to be a toad like Prince Ronald and maybe we can walk into the sunset together," Cruz said.

"So Patrick got to you too," Brenda said laughing.

"I ran into him and Emily at Border's. He loaned me one of his dozen copies of the Paperbag Princess," Cruz joked.

"Ok but I still have to outsmart the dragon myself ok? Basically Sonny paid off or bribed the dragon and well that was only a short term solution" Brenda said

"So is it ok if I hold your hand and cheer while you do?" Cruz asked.

"Sure, but right now you could just kiss me," Brenda said with a seductive smile.

Cruz did that but as he held her for the first time since she had told him the truth about her anorexia he wasn't obsessing about saying the wrong thing. Perhaps if it was true, I love you was never the wrong thing. He did love her and he could see how much stronger she was than she realized. Perhaps it would really be ok.