And here is chapter 29 for all of you, perhaps a little sooner than I expected. I wanted to thank all of you once again for reading and favoriting and following and reviewing. Your reviews give me so much strength and encouragement to keep going! I really appreciate every word.
I also thought it might be worth mentioning that this is a canon divergent fic, which means (to me, at least) that it's meant to match up with canon as well as possible. So, when this ends, the Straw Hats will continue on to Thriller Bark and Sabaody and all the other fun things that happen and everything written in this fic is meant to play into that. ANYWAY, on with the show.
I do not own One Piece.
This fic is rated M.
Sanji, his crewmates, and the marines in the galley stared at Zoro in shock. It couldn't be true. They had helped each other so much, befriended each other. The marines aboard the Navire wouldn't betray them like that. Captain Miles had guaranteed their safety. Hell, Sanji was fairly certain that Sergeant Bailey would have been right beside Zoro, ready to fight for the Straw Hats, if that had happened. The shitty swordsman had to have screwed something up. There was no other way.
"Zoro. Are you sure?" asked Nami, voicing Sanji's suspicions. She stepped past Sanji just slightly, moving protectively between him and the table of marines. "This is a really serious accusation."
"I caught them wrapping their bodies and loading them onto a boat," said Zoro, his words laced with venom. "What does that tell you?"
Sanji watched as Luffy tensed at Zoro's words and Usopp shifted so he was leaning a little less on his crutches. He heard Chopper's hands tighten around the handles of his wheelchair and the marines that surrounded them fidgeted nervously. They were on the edge of a fight; Sanji could feel it. All bonding aside, it seemed that they were still natural enemies. Each of them would defend their own. Not that Sanji could blame them. He felt the same urge. He should have been able to help his crewmates. He was supposed to be their protector. Instead, he could barely move, confined to a wheelchair and bound in place by injury and layers of plaster and bandages. His own impotence made his skin crawl.
The nausea didn't help either. Sanji licked his lips and then pressed them together. He needed to be strong for the others. They had enough to worry about without him throwing up all over the floor. Not to mention that he wanted to prove that he could handle being out of bed. He had felt more alive in the last two hours than he had in days. Even more, Sanji wanted to show Chopper that he could eat solid food again. The poor reindeer had been living in a constant state of worry. It killed Sanji to see his young crewmate wear himself so thin. He had to show him that he was getting back to normal, regaining some of his old strength.
Unfortunately, Sanji could already taste the beef broth in the back of his throat. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard when he began to taste it on the farthest reaches of his tongue, but the thick feeling of half-digested food stuck to the roof of his mouth anyway. Sanji furrowed his brow and tried again. He could still hear the others talking around him, probably trying to work out what had happened, but their voices sounded muffled and far away. He was too focused on keeping his first solid meal in weeks inside to follow the conversation. Guilt nagged at Sanji, making his nausea worse. If it hadn't been for his condition, for his weakness, they would have already been fighting their way out. But that wasn't possible now. Not with him there as a burden.
Another wave of nausea hit Sanji hard and he curled in on himself as much as he could. All too familiar self-loathing crept in on him, constricting around his chest and making it hard to breathe. He balled the blanket over his lap in his left hand, wheezing softly as he fought for control. Now wasn't the time for him to be doing this. Even if he couldn't fight, he could still think. He still had his wit and his words. He could still be useful. But Sanji was fairly certain that if he opened his mouth right now that beef stew would end up all over the floor.
"Sanji?" Sanji felt Chopper's hand on his shoulder. "Sanji, are you feeling okay?"
Sanji's eyes fluttered open, and it was then that he realized that everyone in the room had stopped talking and were all looking at him. He felt his face flush, the added heat making him lightheaded.
"I'm…..fine," said Sanji for what felt like the millionth time. The room started to spin and he had to close his eyes again. He swallowed another mouthful of bile before it could force its way past his lips. "I just…feel…uh, maybe—maybe it's the….meds? Um…"
Suddenly, what little strength he had seemed to leave his body entirely and Sanji slumped in his chair. Darkness enveloped him completely and for a while all that Sanji was aware of was the unbearable heat that burned at his cheeks and ears and the back of his throat. He couldn't tell where he was anymore or even remember where he had been. Something told him that he was in danger, but try as he might, Sanji couldn't move. The horrible, rank odor of blood and vomit began to eat at the inside of his nose like an acid, the smell so strong that it actually hurt, pressing at his soft palate and making him gag. Sanji wheezed and whined. He must be back in his cell in the Iron Fists' compound.
He needed to escape, or hide. If he could at least scoot himself into the far back corner of his cell, he would have two walls to offer him protection. At the moment he felt too exposed, but Sanji found that try as he might, he couldn't move. Either he was bound or he lacked the strength completely. Or both. For whatever reason, Sanji couldn't get a firm grasp on what was going on with his body. He was in a fair amount of pain and discomfort but he couldn't feel the ground beneath him or even figure out which direction it was in. He was floating weightlessly in that void again, the one that he knew always led to some dream or nightmare or hallucination. But he knew, knew where he was. Sanji had to be in his cell. Nowhere else smelled like this or felt this hot and miserable.
It was one of those rare moments when his captors left him alone. It didn't happen often. His abuse at their hands was near constant, even lasting throughout the night so he couldn't sleep. But every now and then, his cell would empty completely of Iron Fist pirates and Sanji would be left alone. It was during that time that he would try to escape to his imaginary Thousand Sunny and see his friends again. And it was during that time that his last refuge was taken away; replaced by the desolate rock from his childhood. But Sanji had learned to take the reprieve while he had it, as well as what would follow.
Doctor Kuroda.
Always, without fail, it was the Iron Fist doctor that came for him after his brief moments of rest. He came with soft words and gentle touches. Water and basic treatment for his injuries. Relief.
Sanji loathed him for what he had done to him. Hated him for the pride and dignity he had claimed for his own. Resented him for the soft moans he had coaxed from his lungs. But the doctor had also become synonymous with aid. Sanji knew that when the doctor visited him in his cell, that for at least a little while, he wouldn't be hurt. He could let down the walls he'd raised around himself and break. Doctor Kuroda wouldn't strike him for crying or see a flinch as an invitation. He held him and touched him in the ways that hurt the least so consistently that Sanji had come to feel some level of trust; no matter how wrong that trust felt.
Doctor Kuroda came for him again, like he always did. Even lost in his darkened void, Sanji felt arms wrap around him and lift him up. He tensed into the warm body, still feeling hot, dizzy, and ill. The arms tightened around him and Sanji thrashed weakly, groaning as they pressed on his torn back.
"Put me down, shitty doctor," griped Sanji, his voice small and pathetic, but working again.
"I'm trying, Sanji, but you have to stop struggling. You'll hurt yourself more."
Sanji froze. That was Chopper's voice. How could Chopper be there?
Sanji opened his eyes to find himself secure in Chopper's Heavy Point arms. His heart thudded in his chest as he tried to remember how it was that his crewmate could be with him. Surely he hadn't also been captured?
"Sanji-kun, it's okay. You're safe. You were having another nightmare, is all."
Sanji turned his head to look at Nami as Chopper laid him back in his bed. He was…he was aboard the Navire. A Navy ship. His crew was there. They had rescued him. Sanji closed his eyes and took a deep breath, repeating those words to himself over and over in his head. It was so frustrating. Why did he have such a hard time remembering where he was? It wasn't so hard, and yet he couldn't seem to do it.
"What…" Sanji swallowed a lump of…something. The entire inside of his mouth tasted awful. "What happened?"
"You fainted," said Chopper, his voice strained with concern. "And you threw up."
Sanji forced a dejected sigh through his teeth. So much for his two-day streak. He opened his eyes and looked up at Chopper, watching as he arranged all of his medication on the rolling stand beside his bed.
"It's probably exhaustion," explained Chopper, not making eye contact with him, choosing to work very diligently around him instead. "You're still really flushed and you're running a bit of a fever. You can't push yourself so hard. You have to give your body time to heal and that's going to take longer than you're used to, especially in this heat. And you probably weren't ready to be eating food that rich. I'm really sorry, Sanji. I know how much you want to do these things, but you have to give yourself some limits or you'll never get better. Doctorine always said that—"
"Chopper." Sanji raised his bandaged right hand, tapping the doctor's arm with his splinted fingers before he ran out of strength and had to drop it back onto the bed again. "I'm sorry for being a difficult patient and for making you worry."
Chopper paused, a fresh sack of fluids balanced in his hands.
"And I'm sorry for calling you a shitty doctor," Sanji continued on. "I didn't…I didn't know it was you."
Chopper frowned at that, turning to look at him properly. "Who did you think I was?"
"I thought…" Sanji heaved a heavy, exhausted breath. "It doesn't matter. What happened after I passed out?"
"We brought you back here," said Zoro. He stood in the doorway to the infirmary, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes still threatening violence.
Sanji fought the urge to roll his eyes at him. "So I've gathered, moss-for-brains. No. You said that…that…."
Sanji huffed loudly and closed his eyes, frustrated with himself. It was so hard for him to talk about them. Standish and Saul and Kuroda. So hard to say their names aloud. He had tried to. So often he had tried. The one time that he had opened up to his friends, it had helped. Talking about his torture at Saul's hands, learning that the bastard was dead, it had lifted a weight from his chest. Sanji had hoped that the one conversation would have had the same effect as opening flood gates. That all of his hurt could pour out and leave room for him to heal. But instead, all the rest of it remained trapped inside of him. He had seen the pain that his words had caused his crew. Sanji knew that just seeing him the way that he was now was more than they could bear. He couldn't put them through that again. But that was only part of it. The main reason he couldn't speak the dead Iron Fists' names Sanji could only chalk up to his own cowardice. This strange irrational fear of his captors' power over him. Every healing mark on his body told him that simply speaking their names would return them to his side.
He felt another wave of nausea and quickly swallowed it down.
"You said that….they were—that the marines killed the survivors," said Sanji, opening his eyes again in time to see the muscles in Zoro's jaw tighten. Shame at his own weakness made Sanji's cheeks burn. "How did they die?"
"I would like to know the answer to that as well," said Captain Miles, suddenly looming in the doorway behind Zoro. After a moment of jostling, he managed to shoulder his way past the swordsman. The experienced marine looked at each of the Straw Hats in turn, his gaze eventually settling on Luffy where he sat between Sanji's feet. "I heard that my men were accused of killing Standish and his crew, but I can tell you without a doubt that none of them are capable of the carnage I saw down in my brig. Nor do any of them have a reason for that kind of slaughter. All of you, however…"
"Wait…you think we killed them?!" asked Usopp in disbelief, seated in his own bed beside Sanji's.
"Why would we fight someone we already beat?" asked Luffy, his voice too calm.
Sanji felt the all too familiar itch of an impending fight crawl across his flesh. He shifted in bed, trying his best to prop himself up into a sitting position and only succeeding in making himself more tired. Luckily, Chopper noticed and tucked another pillow behind his back.
"The reason is lying in bed right in front of me," said Captain Miles, nodding his head at Sanji. "Up until now, I have stayed out of your way, instructed my men to keep their distance to allow you and your crew time to heal. I did this out of respect for saving Sergeant Bailey. However, I have been watching. You can't tell me that you aren't still angry. All of you are."
"We made you a promise," said Luffy, still sounding dangerous. He had lowered his chin, hiding his face from Captain Miles with the brim of his hat. "I made you a promise that none of us would touch Sandwich and the others. You think any of us broke that promise?"
Captain Miles narrowed his eyes. "It wouldn't be the first time that young men have acted rashly."
Sanji saw Luffy tense, coiling for an attack, and nudged at him with a bandaged foot. Luffy didn't say a word. Instead, he reached down and placed a hand on Sanji's broken ankle, the tips of his fingers pressing lightly into the metal splint. Sanji watched as the anger and tension drained from his captain's body, Luffy's shoulders slumping under the weight of the last few weeks' events once again. When he looked back up at Captain Miles, all of the fight had left him.
"None of us have hurt anyone since coming on your ship," said Luffy. "You have my word."
"Okay," said Miles after a beat of silence. "Then I suppose I must accept that there is a murderer in my crew."
"I doubt it," came Doctor Smalley's voice from the doorway. He let himself into the infirmary, followed closely by Nurse Mika. The infirmary was starting to feel crowded.
"Care to elaborate?" asked Zoro, narrowing his eyes when the marine doctor simply collapsed into a rolling chair in the corner.
"The majority of the prisoners had their necks snapped," said Doctor Smalley, looking and sounding much more exhausted than he normally did. He almost seemed sad. "Standish and a few others, however, were poisoned."
"Poisoned with what?" Chopper immediately asked.
Sanji turned to look at the reindeer. There had been a certain foreboding in his voice just now. What were they not saying?
"I think you know the answer to that," said the marine doctor.
"Bufotoxin," muttered Chopper, sounding somewhere between frightened and furious.
"W-Wait…" stuttered Usopp, looking frantically between them when neither of them spoke. "…you don't mean…"
"What? What is it?" asked Zoro, taking a protective step forward. "What are you not telling us?"
"It was Doctor Kuroda," said Chopper. "He killed Standish and the others."
Sanji's heart seemed to freeze mid-beat. Kuroda was still alive? Alive and…free? Sanji swallowed another wave of nausea. He had to stay calm. He couldn't let the others see him break over this. Couldn't let them know just how far he had gone with Kuroda. He still couldn't reconcile how intimate he had been with the other man, so how could his crew?
"Why would he kill his own crew?" asked Zoro, clearly still suspicious. "Wouldn't it make more sense to rescue them?"
"I don't think he cared that much about them," Usopp said quietly.
"No," Sanji agreed. "He hated them."
Everyone's heads whipped around to look at him as if they were all surprised that he was capable of speaking. A fierce blush burned at Sanji's cheeks and ears, and he had to do his best not to squirm under the attention. He looked at his lap, finding it easier to talk when he couldn't see his friends' faces.
"He killed two of them once, while they were…"
Sanji furrowed his brow, glaring at the deep bruises that lingered on the insides of his thighs. He pushed his knees together as he remembered the feeling of them being forced apart. Of the Iron Fist pirate on top of him and inside of him and then suddenly being ripped away. Of the sound of Doctor Kuroda bellowing angrily. Of his arms wrapping around him as he saved him from the poison he'd been fed. Of the relief he'd felt at being in the doctor's presence.
Sanji startled when Nami suddenly moved out of the blind spot created by the bandage still over his left eye. She had pulled the blanket from his wheelchair and was draping it over his lap, hiding his bruised legs from view. Sanji pressed his lips together. He could feel himself shivering and was unable to stop, even when Nami gently cupped his cheek and turned his head so he was looking at her.
"Sanji-kun."
There was something in her voice. A sort of insistence that made him focus on her and only her.
"No matter what happens, we are not going to let him get to you," said Nami. "You aren't alone anymore, but he is. And there is no way that he can get past all of us. Right, guys?"
"Right!" echoed Luffy and Usopp. Zoro merely nodded. Chopper did nothing.
"See?" said Nami, forcing a confident smile. "So, please just focus on getting better."
A wobbly smile crept onto Sanji's face. "Okay, Nami-san. Anything for you."
"That doesn't change the fact that an enemy snuck onto this ship," said Zoro, instantly killing the mood.
Sanji and the others turned to look at him. Sanji frowned again. "And?"
Zoro uncrossed his arms, a hand moving to grip at the hilt of his white sword. "I'd like to know how he did it."
"He used to be a Marine, remember?" said Doctor Smalley. He tiredly rubbed at his temples. "Kuroda was the smartest, most talented student I ever had. I'm sure that he remembers his way around a navy ship. Not to mention that I found one of our privates knocked out cold, stripped of his uniform, and stuffed in a maintenance closet."
"You mean he didn't kill him?" asked Nami. She frowned and hummed to herself. "I wonder why…"
Zoro huffed. "Regardless, I don't think it's safe aboard this ship. I think it's time we moved back to the Sunny and let these guys leave."
Sanji perked up at the mere mention of the idea. He was eager to get back to the Thousand Sunny. It felt like the last hurdle he had to climb before truly feeling rescued. Even though he was surrounded by his crew, being on the Navire made it feel as though he were still captive. It was too easy to forget where he was. Maybe if he were returned home he could start to feel whole again.
"We can't go yet," said Chopper.
"What?! Whyyyyyyyy?" whined Luffy, bouncing a little on the mattress.
Chopper frowned. "Sanji got a fever and collapsed after only being out of bed for a couple of hours. And you didn't even take him outside! You know how hot it is out there and it doesn't get any better at night. Sanji could go into shock."
Sanji deflated at Chopper's words.
"I'm sorry, Sanji, but we just can't risk it," said Chopper.
"How much longer do I have to wait?" asked Sanji, turning to look down at Chopper as he transformed back into his Brain Point.
"It's hard to say…" Chopper bit his lip as he thought carefully. "When you've gone three days without throwing up and without running a fever, then you'll be ready. You'll have to take it easy on yourself."
"Okay, three days," said Sanji, trying his best to sound confident. In three days, he could finally go home.
"Remember, that's three days without throwing up or a fever," repeated Chopper. "If either of those happen tomorrow or the day after or whatever, then we're starting all over, got it?"
Sanji nodded resolutely. "Got it."
Sanji's three days passed agonizingly slowly, especially since they actually ended up being five. Chopper hadn't been lying when he'd said that his adventure to the Navire's galley with Luffy had taken a toll. The stress had been greater than Sanji had expected and his fever had continued to climb until well into the first night, bringing intense nausea with it. He spent two long days flat on his back in bed with a wet cloth draped over his forehead and a basin within reach. Nami and Chopper were with him for almost every minute of it, there to help turn him when he needed to throw up. Usopp stayed in bed too, intent upon giving Sanji company.
For his part, Luffy acted appropriately guilty for taking Sanji out before he was ready, however, he stood by his decision. He insisted that Sanji had needed it and the cook was apt to agree with his captain. As miserable as he felt, being out of bed and out of the infirmary for even a short time had been a welcomed change in scenery.
When Sanji's fever had finally broken on the second day, he couldn't help but to notice how exhausted his crewmates looked. They had been watching him around the clock, both for his health and to protect him from potential intruders. The Straw Hats had taken shifts. One staying awake inside the infirmary, one stationed outside the door, and one up on the Navire's deck. Sanji was told that Captain Miles had allowed Sergeant Bailey and Nurse Mika to join the Straw Hats in his guard, allowing the pirates to sleep at least a little. Meanwhile, Robin and Franky were taking turns guarding the Sunny.
It hurt, watching his friends work so hard to protect him when he could do so little in return. Guilt gnawed at Sanji worse than before, eating away at him as he laid in bed. He didn't complain. He didn't want to diminish their sacrifice with whining. He felt pathetic enough as it was; vocalizing it would only make it worse.
But still, Sanji only made it half way through his first feverless day before he felt compelled to ask Chopper if there was anything he could do.
"Just rest, Sanji," said Chopper as he checked his medication. "That's the best thing that you can do to help all of us."
"But isn't there anything to help me heal faster or…or get stronger?" asked Sanji, looking up at Chopper pleadingly. "I don't know, some kind of exercise or something?"
Chopper frowned and hummed as he thought. "I suppose you could start doing some light physical therapy."
Sanji couldn't help but to smile at the suggestion. "Really?"
"Yeah, but…" Chopper paused, indicating Sanji's bandaged torso with a sweep of his hoof. "…I don't want you to push yourself too hard. Not only have your muscles atrophied from not being used, but many of them actually have healing to do."
He pulled Sanji's blanket down just enough to expose his stomach, gently pressing a hoof to his side. It was still enough to make Sanji wince.
"Not only do you have broken ribs," continued Chopper, "but many of the cuts you received were deep enough to damage the muscle and a lot of your bruises go down to the bone. That's why it's so hard for you to move."
Sanji took a deep breath, briefly closing his eyes and willing away the memories of Saul inflicting most of those wounds. The dreams were bad enough, he didn't want to deal with them when he was awake too.
"If we're going to start doing physical therapy, you have to promise to be honest with me," said Chopper with enough force that Sanji felt compelled to look him in the eye. "Don't try to act tough. I want you to tell me the moment you start feeling overheated or tired. Promise?"
"I promise," said Sanji as earnestly as possible.
"I'm going to hold you to that," warned Chopper, eyeing Sanji suspiciously. "Don't make me revoke patient privileges."
Sanji wanted to ask just what those privileges were, but chose to nod silently instead.
"Okay, good." Chopper moved to the head of the bed, slowly pulling away all of Sanji's pillows until he was lying completely flat on the mattress. "We're going to start with getting you to sit up on your own."
The physical therapy ended up being more difficult than Sanji had thought. His first session with Chopper only lasted for an hour before the doctor had made him stop, siting the fine sheen of sweat on his forehead as proof that he had had enough. In that hour, Sanji hadn't even managed to lift both shoulders from the mattress. Sanji had spent the remainder of the day in an even more rigidly enforced state of bed rest, with a firm order to sleep until that evening when the bandages on his feet would be changed.
On his second feverless day, Sanji was granted a slightly longer session. He did his best not to get frustrated with himself. Progress was painfully slow, so much so that it felt like he'd made none at all. Chopper had been right about the damage done to his body. Even the smallest movements on his own shot lightning bolts of pain through torn muscles and flesh. It made Sanji wonder how he had managed to crawl across Kuroda's infirmary before his rescue. He imagined that adrenaline had been a key factor.
But Chopper was ever patient with him, as was Nami. Both remained by his bedside, keeping him calm when he grew frustrated with his own weakness. Luffy joined them sometimes, making suggestions that weren't always terribly helpful, but more often made them laugh. Usopp kept oddly quiet, a contemplative look on his face as he watched Sanji struggle to make his body work.
On the morning of the third day, Sanji had his first break through. After about thirty minutes of straining, he managed to roll onto his shoulder and then prop himself up on his right elbow. He held himself up that way for a full minute, his entire body trembling, until he could stand no more and collapsed onto his back. The effort earned Sanji a round of cheering from his friends.
"It's not that impressive, guys," said Sanji with a tired huff, but he couldn't help but to smile with them. "Just give me a few minutes and I'll try again."
"No, that's enough for now," said Chopper, replacing Sanji's pillows behind him despite his protests. He gave his patient a reassuring smile. "You've made a lot of progress, though."
"Yeah?" Sanji tried his best not to sound too disappointed, but knew that he was failing.
"Yeah, you have," said Chopper, mirroring Sanji's smile.
Chopper didn't say it, but Sanji still knew. None of them had expected him to survive.
"Hey! And this makes three days, right?" asked Luffy, snapping Sanji from his reverie.
Sanji grinned more genuinely. "It does."
"So, if you make it through today without throwing up, we can go back to the Sunny," said Luffy, clutching his ankles and rocking back and forth between Sanji's feet.
"Yeah," answered Sanji and Chopper in tandem. Sanji couldn't help but to smile a little wider. He was so close.
"Hey, Chopper! Can Sanji have the stuff that we talked about?" Luffy suddenly asked.
Chopper was silent for a moment and then nodded. Luffy grinned and jumped out of Sanji's bed, quickly disappearing into the hall.
Sanji raised his eyebrows at his captain's retreating back. "What was that about?"
Chopper smiled in a way that Sanji could only describe as devious. "Oh, just a surprise that we've planned. Since you've been working so hard."
Sanji narrowed his eyes at his doctor. "Tell me…"
"No! That'll ruin the surprise!" cried Chopper in dismay. "Besides, it was Luffy's idea, so he should get to show you."
Sanji tried to look to Nami and Usopp for support, only to find them obviously avoiding making eye contact.
"Traitors…" muttered Sanji with a mock scowl.
Just then Luffy returned with a huge grin on his face and a tray balanced on his head. "I brought snacks!"
"Snacks?" Sanji raised his chin, trying to see what his captain carried over the raised rim of the tray. He licked his lips, his stomach rumbling at the mere mention of food. "Like food? Actual food?"
He turned to look at Chopper, unable to conceal his excitement.
"You're letting me have food?"
"Mm!" Chopper smiled and nodded, his ears flopping against his hat. "Certain foods. We're starting with ones that are really easy to digest since the medication is so hard on your stomach."
"And look!" exclaimed Luffy, jumping onto Sanji's bed and slamming the tray onto his blanketed lap with perhaps a bit too much force. "This food jiggles! Isn't it cool?"
Sanji's smile widened a little as he looked down at the neatly cut cubes of gelatin that jiggled comically in their bowls. By the color and the smell, he guessed that it must be strawberry flavored. Sanji laughed.
"I don't think I've had strawberry gelatin since I was a kid," he said, still smiling as he watched Chopper distribute the bowls to his crewmates. "What made you think of it?"
"It was actually Nami's idea!" said Luffy around a heaping, wiggling spoonful.
Sanji turned to Nami, who smiled sweetly at him.
"Well, Luffy kept hounding Chopper saying that food would make you better," she explained. "He wanted to feed you meat, but we all know how that turned out."
She cleared her throat awkwardly at the mention of Sanji getting sick in the galley before continuing.
"Anyway, I remembered that Bellemere used to make mikan gelatin whenever Nojiko or I got upset stomachs. It always made us feel better, so….I thought it might help you too."
Sanji smiled a smile that was just a little brighter than any of the others that had come before, feeling for just a short moment a little more buoyant. Almost like he had once been.
"You're so smart, Nami-san."
Nami smiled angelically in return and scooped a spoonful of gelatin out of the bowl in her lap, offering it to Sanji.
"Thank you, Sanji-kun. Now, here, eat some."
Sanji obediently opened his mouth, his cheeks tinging a little pink as he realized that he was being hand fed by Nami. Weeks ago, before his capture, he might have devolved into a happily babbling puddle on the floor, but now Sanji let himself get distracted by the sudden burst of flavor on his tongue.
The gelatin was sweet and light. It had obviously been made from preserved strawberries rather than fresh, but the taste was more than welcomed nonetheless. In one bite, it washed the stale stickiness of stomach acid and old ice chips from his mouth, leaving something so much better in its wake. Sanji swallowed and sighed happily, relishing in the feeling of having some sort of food in his stomach once again. Food that didn't cause his organs to immediately contract and writhe around it. It had been far too long.
After a few more mouthfuls, it occurred to Sanji that he and Nami had been eating from the same bowl. No. More than that. She hadn't bothered to switch spoons between them. Sanji's eyes grew wide. Not only were they sharing food, but also a common utensil. It was so intimate.
"N-Nami-san, we've been…using the same spoon…"
Nami paused, another helping of gelatin a few mere inches from Sanji's mouth. If her expression promised danger, Sanji didn't notice it.
"…your spit's on it. And…mine is on it. It's almost like we've been kissing."
Rather than dignify Sanji's statement with a response, Nami abruptly shoved the spoon into his mouth and let go of it, leaving him to fend for himself. Sanji sputtered and flailed, whatever he tried to say to salvage the situation lost in the metal of the spoon and a mouthful of gelatin. Nami sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, watching him with a dangerous glint in her eye. After a full minute of struggling, Sanji finally managed to trap the spoon between splinted fingers and pull it out of his mouth. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were laughing uproariously. Despite himself, Sanji grinned.
Late that night, Sanji laid in his bed in the dark, wide awake. Usopp was snoring in the bed beside him and Luffy had stretched out at his side. Nami and Chopper had agreed to take first watch, with Nami in the bed to Sanji's left and Chopper out in the hall. Sanji knew he should have been sleeping. The following morning, he would finally be transferred to the Sunny and the excess of activity would no doubt exhaust him completely. He really needed to rest, but try as he might, he couldn't close his eyes.
He had had a very surprisingly good day. Finally making progress in his physical therapy, getting to eat again, hearing his friends laugh; it was all more than he had ever imagined he would get to have not so long ago. During his captivity, he had been so convinced that he would die at an Iron Fist pirate's hand. Sanji had known with certainty that his last moments would be wasted on a miserable little island, alone and afraid and broken. But now, today, he had been surrounded by his friends again and had actually had fun. The feeling had been tainted and tinged with pain, but it was still there. For a moment, his old personality had resurfaced and Sanji had felt like himself again.
But what if it wasn't real? What if he was hallucinating all of this? To have had all of this today and get to go back to the Sunny tomorrow seemed too good to be true. What price was he going to have to pay? Would he be able to bear the cost?
Sanji huffed and stared at the darkened infirmary ceiling, having to blink rapidly every now and then when it threatened to turn back into the mildewy stone of a torture chamber. His mind still wanted to play tricks on him, no matter how far he'd come.
He heard Nami rustle in the bed next to him.
"Sanji-kun?" Her voice sounded tentative and a little sad. "Are you still awake?"
Sanji almost pretended to be asleep, wanting to keep Nami from worrying. But something in her voice told him that she needed to talk more.
"Yeah…" Sanji allowed himself a small smile in the dark. "I'm too excited to sleep."
There was heavy silence for a moment that made the darkness seem to press in on him a little more.
"You're not…nervous?" Nami finally asked.
Sanji chuckled softly. "You are perceptive as always, Nami-san."
Silence again.
"Are you going to be okay going back into the galley after…well, after what happened in there?"
Sanji heard her slide her hands up and down her arms. He could almost feel her shivering from several feet away.
"It's all I can think about…all that I can dream about, even after we found you," she continued. Sanji heard her sniffle and knew immediately that she was crying. "They did all those horrible things to you right in your kitchen. Right—Right where you serve us food and make us feel like a family. Sanji-kun, I thought you were going to die, right then and there. Right in front of me. And I couldn't….Sanji-kun, I couldn't look away."
Nami coughed and hiccupped.
"All I've been thinking, all of this time, is how it should have been me. By all accounts, those bastards would have come after me or Robin, but they took you instead, and…and…"
Sanji heard her take a shuddering breath.
"…you've suffered so much. I know it got worse than what happened on the Sunny. I can't even imagine what kinds of things you've endured, but…I just keep thinking about that night. What if the Sunny is tainted now? What if it makes your nightmares worse? What if the only way for you to heal is to leave us? I don't think we can survive without you."
Sanji clenched his jaw in the dark. The skin around his right eye felt damp and the bandages over his left eye were wet as well. There was so much pain in Nami's voice. To think that she had been suffering with all of these worries all along. The weight of what his friends had gone through settled over his chest once again, making it hard to breathe.
Nami sniffed and gulped down a mouthful of tears.
"You are so important to us, Sanji-kun. To all of us. More than I think you know. I just…I don't think I could bear to ever have to see any of you taken away like that ever again."
Sanji lay frozen in his bed, unsure of how to respond and unable to get up and physically comfort Nami when she continued to cry quietly into her pillow. Several minutes or maybe even an hour passed before he finally found his voice again.
"Nami-san," he whispered, waiting until she'd quieted and he knew she was listening before he continued, "do you know what I thought about when I was alone? The one thing that kept me alive when I wanted to die?"
Nami sniffled and wiped at her nose. "No."
"I thought about Luffy and Usopp and Chopper and Franky and that shitty moss. I thought about you and Robin-chan. And whenever I saw all of you, it was always on the Sunny."
Sanji turned his head toward her and gave her a reassuring smile even though she couldn't see it.
"I don't think it'll be tainted because every time I thought of it and of all of you there, I felt like I was home. I was safe."
There was silence again as Nami slowly stopped crying. Sanji listened as her breathing evened out until finally the only sounds to be heard in the infirmary were Luffy and Usopp's snores.
"Tomorrow we'll go back to the Sunny and everything will start to feel better again, you'll see," said Sanji.
He hoped that Nami believed him, just as he wished that he could believe himself too.
"Okay," murmured Nami, her voice still a little thick from crying.
Sanji scooted over in his bed, trying to move a bit closer to her. "Would a kiss make you feel better?"
Nami huffed a tired laugh. "Nice try, Sanji-kun…"
Sanji looked back up at the darkened ceiling and smiled a little despite the doubt that still weighed on him. It had been worth a shot.
Thank you for reading! As always, please let me know what you think!
