Abyssal Armageddon
By Inuyoshie
Disclaimer: Yer Mom.
Chapter 29: In Which Asch Feels Good
Evening on the Tartarus was a relatively peaceful affair. Jade cooked, and our merry band of protagonists ate together nervously. Half of them passed out thirty minutes later.
(You do realize Jade, if I pass out you'll have to lug my unconscious body around," Maddie had remarked.
"Don't worry; I'm quite good at that. I've had lots of practice with Saphir," Jade replied cheerfully.)
Elsewhere, Ash leaned out over a railing, staring at the ocean around him. They were headed to Kimlasca. To his home. To the place where that dreck stole his place in the family. To the place Van-
"Hi!"
Asch jumped, turning to see Chloe leaning on the rail.
"H-hi how-"
"You're not Luke," Chloe stated.
"What do you mean I'm not-"
"What did Luke have to eat tonight?" Chloe asked.
"Beef-"
"Wrong. Jade made rappig, and Nicole felt sad, and you made fun of her and she almost shot your head off," Chloe told Asch coolly.
"Well-"
"AND Luke had blonde at the tip of his hair. Who the hell are you?" Chloe asked.
"I AM Luke von Fabre," Asch told Chloe coldly.
"Do you expect me to believe-"
"I am the original Luke, that dreck is nothing more than a reject replica that took everything from me," Asch snapped. Chloe blinked, and then turned and leaned on the rail.
"So… you just let him?" she asked after a few moments.
"What could I do? E's an exact clone of me!" Asch snapped.
"Oh." Chloe replied softly. "I'm so-"
"I don't want your pity," Asch growled. Chloe blinked, and then glomped him. "W-wh-what a-are you d-d-doing?"
"Hugs. They make everything better. Or give you cancer," Chloe mumbled. (Of course, the fact that Asch had a nummeh body had absolutely nothing to do with the hug right Chloe?)
Asch froze, not sure what to do/say. Finally, he opened his mouth.
"How do hugs solve anything?" he demanded.
"They make you smile," Chloe replied.
"Do I look like I'm smiling to you?" Asch wanted to know.
"Well… you're grumpy," Chloe pouted cutely. "Besides, hugs make you feel good!"
"They do?" Asch blinked.
"Yep," Chloe nodded. "So… now that you feel better, I'm going to go tell Jade about your existence,"
"He probably already knows… I mean, he can't be busy with a sweet underage girl who likes leather and BDSM all the time," Asch pointed out.
"Or maybe he can… I mean, Jade's in the freaking army. He's probably got a heckuva lot of endurance. I'll bet he could keep going and going-"
"That's just wrong." Asch remarked.
"We're all very dirty here," Chloe remarked.
"So is that why Dakota put Dist in a dress?" Asch wondered.
"He put who in a dress?" Chloe blinked.
"Dist. The Reaper? You know, flying chair, clunky machines, purple lipstick?" Asch prodded.
"I got nutin'," Chloe shook her head.
"He attacked you guys earlier," Asch remarked.
"All I remember from then was an ugly guy, dancing with you and a flying chair," Chloe shook her head again.
"Dist was IN the chair," Asch sighed.
"Really? I thought it was just flying itself," Chloe remarked. Asch paused, and then stared at Chloe in amazement.
"You're being completely serious, aren't you?" he asked.
"Yep," Chloe nodded. "So… why are you on here anyways?"
"Why do you think?" Asch retorted.
"You want our leather pants?" Chloe guessed.
"…you don't have any leather pants," Asch replied.
"How do you know?"
"…"
Inuyoshie's after the chapter Leather Pants
Inu: So many Little Kuriboh references…
Dakota: YEAH~ all we need is a children's card game and we're freaking set!
Aja: NO CHILDREN'S CARD GAMES!
Chloe: And yeah… what the hell was with breaking the fourth wall back there?
Dakota: Behold! The fourth wall! It crumbles around you!
Maddie: Dakota, you're not Melvin. Really.
Dakota: *droops*
Inu: Who says the after the chapter special has to be the only place I can break the fourth wall.
Maddie: And… what's with all the sexual innuendos about Jade? I mean really… -/-
Inu: He's simply a sexy beast. And besides, you don't see him denying any of it.
Jade: *blinks calmly* Yes?
Inu: See? There we go.
Aja: So… next chapter?
Inu: Yes. In Which Something Pertinent Actually Happens!
Jade: Finally, some plot…
Inu: Meh. Whatever sexbomb.
Jade: *shrugs* can't have an entire story based off of sexual jokes.
Inu: Have you read half of the yaoi on the internet? Seriously…
