Chapter Twenty-Nine: Into the Field
Yuri had been in Dahngrest for about a week when Karol awkwardly slid into his chair at the breakfast table and said, "Uhhhh."
Yuri looked up from his cereal. "Something wrong?"
"We got a contract last night," Karol said, swirling his spoon around his oatmeal. "For an escort job."
"Sounds interesting. Where to?"
Judith, sitting across from Yuri and skipping right to the punch, said, "Sands of Kogorh. Some zoologist lost his notebook while studying the native monsters and he wants us to protect him while he searches for it."
"We'd love it if you came with us," Karol blurted. "I mean, it just hasn't been the same without you. It's just, the Sands of Kogorh might be… I mean it's all just sand and…."
Face glum, Yuri said, "And I can't move on sand." He'd never tried, but it was thicker than snow and didn't even have a solid surface a few inches down. It would take a herculean effort to move an inch. "It's all right. You guys go without me and I'll hold down the fort here."
"Are you sure?" Karol asked. "I feel really bad leaving you behind."
"It's fine. We need all the contracts we can get and if I went, I'd just have to hang out in town while you guys went into the desert." He smiled because he didn't want his friends to know how much it hurt to send them off on an adventure without him. They probably knew, but he could at least make it as easy as possible for them.
"Well… all right. We're going to head out after breakfast."
When the time came, Yuri said goodbye as cheerfully as he could. He even sent Repede with them, because he was a member of the guild and should join them on missions. Karol promised to be back tomorrow morning, and then they were gone. Yuri sighed and turned back to the empty building.
He had pretty much come to terms with life, but that didn't mean he had to be happy about it. He wasn't going to let any stupid injury keep him from being happy, but anger burned inside him as consistently chronic pain. When it flared up, it seared red hot and he hated - hated - being left behind. It wasn't the end of the world that he could walk, but when he thought about it, the hatred flashed and he was so angry that this had happened. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. All he wanted was to participate with his friends, but this stupid injury kept holding him back. He'd wanted to come to Dahngrest to get on with his life, but he was back to sitting around at home with nothing to do.
He shoved his wheels to the front desk. Karol kept files on every client they'd ever had, but he was usually too busy to do anything with them but throw them in a drawer. With nothing else to do, Yuri pulled them out and began sorting them alphabetically. What else was he going to do to pass the time?
Mindlessly sorting the files gave Yuri a chance to calm down. It was all right. He didn't need to go on every single mission to be part of the guild. It was just bad luck that the first big one to pop up since he arrived was something he couldn't do.
He was working his way through the L's when the door opened and a small girl crept into the office. She looked around while fidgeting her hands and Yuri said, "Hi there. Do you need something?"
"Um… this is Brave Vesperia, right?" She moved closer to the desk and straightened her blue dress.
Yuri nodded. "That's right."
"Um, my dad said Brave Vesperia is a good guild who helps people with any kind of problem. Is that right?"
"Sure. Is there a problem you need help with? The rest of the guild is out today, but I can help you." Hopefully. He certainly hoped the girl didn't need him to climb a tree or anything he couldn't do while sitting down.
She nodded slowly. "Yes… it's… it's my cat. She got out of the house and now I can't find her." Her lower lip quivered. "She's having kittens soon and I'm really worried about her."
Yuri softly smiled. "Uh-oh, that sounds pretty serious. I can help you find your cat."
"Really?" She pulled out her wallet. "How much does your guild charge for missions?"
"Hm…" Yuri leaned across the desk. "How tall are you?"
"Huh? Ummm three and a half feet, I think."
"Darn, my boss said we're having a special discount of one-hundred percent off for anyone under four feet tall."
"Ah! Really?"
"Yep. I bet he wasn't expecting anyone to show up, but you sure showed him! Put your wallet away and I'll tell him to be smarter with sales next time."
"Ok!" She tucked it into a pocket on her dress.
"My name's Yuri. What's your name?"
"Molly, and my cat's name is Petunia and she's been missing for about two hours."
"We'd better get on it, then." Yuri rolled around the desk and Molly stared at his chair with wide eyes. Yuri stopped in front of her and after a long moment of her saying nothing, he said, "Cool chair, huh?"
Molly bobbed her head. "That's really cool! You don't have to get up to walk to the bathroom!"
Yuri laughed. "Yeah, that's a definite bonus."
He started moving toward the door and Molly hurried after him. "Wait, aren't you going to get up while we look for Petunia?"
Yuri stopped by the door and realized he needed to explain a thing or two. "Actually, no. I don't have this chair just for fun. I need it to get around."
"How come you don't walk?"
Yuri took a moment to figure out an easy way to explain. "Well… a very bad man attacked me, and now my legs are broken. Not broken like a broken bone, but they don't work."
"What do you mean, they don't work?" She tipped her head to the side. "Like… they don't hold you up?"
"Yeah, and I can't move them. I can't feel them, either." He poked his knee. "They just kind of sit here. Don't worry, they don't hurt or anything."
Molly nodded slowly and then asked, "So… sometimes my little brother attacks me and throws mud at me. Will my legs break too?"
Yuri tried not to chuckle at her fear. "No, you don't have to worry about that. It would have to be a very serious injury."
"One time my dad fell out of a tree and broke his leg, but it got better. Is it like that?"
He shook his head. "No, it's not like that." He was clearly going to need to give her more details before she became paranoid that any little injury could cripple her for life. "You know on your back you have a long bone? It's all bumpy and stuff? That's your spine. Inside it is a long string of nerves that take signals from your brain. So when you think about moving your foot, a little message gets sent from your brain, down your back, and to your foot. When I got attacked, the road the message travels on got broken. The messages can't make it to my legs anymore, so I can't tell them to move. Got it?"
She nodded. "I think so…. So, it's not your legs, it's your back!"
"That's it. Good job."
"And how long will it be broken?"
"Well… forever. It's not going to heal ever."
Molly's face fell, but Yuri found himself not feeling too bad. The more he explained his circumstances to other people, the less unthinkable it seemed to become. "Hey, it's not that bad. I get a cool chair, right?"
Her face brightened. "That's true, your chair is really cool."
"Yeah, right? Well, let's go. Petunia isn't going to find herself." Out on the street, Yuri asked, "Where did you last see her?"
"Uhhh she ran out of my house. I don't think she'd go very far, though."
"Ok, lead me to your neighbourhood."
Yuri followed Molly through the streets. On their way, Yuri spotted a vendor selling freshly caught fish. "Hey, does Petunia like tuna?"
Molly nodded. "Uh-huh. We don't give it to her very often but whenever my mom cooks it she comes out and meows around her feet."
"Maybe we can coax her out."
"Um, do you think that would work?"
"We might as well try." He rolled up to the stand while Molly hovered uncertainly behind him.
The vendor turned to face them, let his eyes fall on Yuri, and immediately swivelled them to Molly. "Good morning, Miss. What would you like?"
Molly startled. "Ah - what? Um - um-"
It was truly amazing the depths someone's mind could go to ignore the idea that a person in a wheelchair was a mature adult. Once while purchasing vegetables in Zaphias, the seller had addressed the woman in line behind Yuri, assuming she was his caretaker or something. Yuri spoke up loudly and firmly, "I would like some tuna."
The vendor's eyes flicked back to him. "Oh, uh… sorry sir."
They left after purchasing the fish. Yuri set it on his lap and hoped the scent drifted.
"How come he talked to me?" Molly asked, glancing over her shoulder. "I don't know how to talk to seller people… I always get really shy when my mom asks me to buy something."
Yuri had trouble understanding the logic himself, but he did his best to try to explain. "Well… some people think it's weird that I use a chair to get around. They're not sure how to talk to me, or they think my brain is broken like my legs."
"Oh. That's dumb."
Yuri nodded with a smile. "Yeah. It really is."
"I like you better because you're using a chair."
"Oh, yeah? Why's that?"
"'Cause you're like a grown up but you're not so tall so I can talk to you better!"
Yuri laughed. "Well, thanks."
After another block, she jumped up and down and said, "Oh, my house is just around the corner. I bet she's somewhere around here!"
"Ok. Here, take this." He handed her the piece of fish. "Wave it around and call her name."
Molly took a deep breath and yelled, "Petuniaaaaaa!"
They turned around a corner and she called again. Yuri followed behind, letting Molly do most of the work. The cat was more likely to respond to her voice, anyway. After about ten minutes of roaming the neighbourhood, Yuri spotted a flicker of movement under a nearby house.
Yuri grabbed her arm. "Hold up. Is that her?" Peering out from the crawlspace of an abandoned house was a pair of bright yellow eyes. He vaguely saw the outline of a face, but the fur was black as coal so it was hard to see.
Molly gasped. "That's her!" She ran to the house but the cat disappeared under the house again. "Petunia, c'mere!" Molly tsked and waved the tuna in the opening to the crawlspace. As Yuri approached, a black paw shit out and snagged the tuna before retreating into the darkness. "No! Come here, Tuny!" She looked up at Yuri with crestfallen eyes. "She won't come out."
"You said she's pregnant, right? I think she's looking for a nice, secluded place to have her kittens."
"But she can't have them under a house. I need to take care of her."
"It doesn't look like she's going to come out on her own. You're going to need to crawl under there and pull her out."
Molly's sadness turned to fear. "C-crawl under the house? But - but there are spiders and things down there! And maybe rats and crawly things and…"
"You're going to have to face those things if you want to bring her out."
Molly ran behind Yuri and grabbed his shoulders. "But it's so scary and gross down there! You get her."
Yuri sighed. There would be time to teach her to be brave for herself when her age hit double digits. Besides, pulling a moody cat somewhere she didn't want to go might result in more injuries to a six year old than he cared to allow on his watch. "Ok, I'll get her, but I'm going to need your help."
"Ok, what?"
"I'm going to crawl under and get Petunia, and when I tell you, pull my legs because I don't think I can crawl backward."
"Ok, I can do that!"
Yuri lowered himself to the ground and then dragged himself to the crawlspace. He crawled into the shadows toward the yellow points of light. "Come on out, Petunia," he murmured. "Be a good girl. Don't attack me."
A soft growl came from the cat, but Yuri kept going and talking in a soft, hopefully-soothing voice. Petunia's ears pressed back and her tail flicked in sharp jerks. Light glinted on a metal snap on the collar and then Yuri shot his hand out to grab it.
"I got her!"
Petunia yowled and Yuri felt claws slash across the back of his hand. He used his other hand to wrap around her and try to hold her steady. "Are you pulling?!"
"You're really heavy!"
Petunia thrashed in his arms and claws grazed his chin. "Pull me out, pull me out!"
He felt himself move, but less than an inch. Damn, Molly wasn't strong enough to pull him out. He hadn't lost his grip on Petunia yet, but she was giving Zagi a run for his money on making Yuri bleed.
Then Yuri flew backward as someone much stronger pulled him onto the street. Natz looked down at him while Yuri rolled on his side and hugged the struggling cat to his chest.
"Hey, Natz," Yuri grunted while trying to hold Petunia still. "Nice of you to show up."
"I heard shouting and saw your chair. What in the world is going on?"
"You saved her!" Molly cheered. "Wow, thank you, Yuri!"
"Natz - can you - ugh - pick - stop that! - me up?"
Natz hefted Yuri into the chair. Yuri kept one hand gripping Petunia's collar and the other wrapped around her back, pressing her into his lap. Her claws dug into his thighs, but it was better than scratching his arms.
"We need to get Petunia home," Molly said.
"Need some help?" Natz asked.
Yuri shook his head. "I think we got it. Molly, if you push me I can hold onto Petunia."
She bobbed her head. "I can do that!"
Yuri grinned at Natz. "We got this." He became aware of a bead of blood dripping down his cheek. This was turning out to be one of the more dangerous guild missions.
Natz laughed. "I can see that."
It was annoying that he'd needed Natz to help pull him out, but he and Molly had accomplished the rest of the mission on their own. They'd just needed some muscle for the heavy lifting. "Thanks for the help, but I'm going to take this cat home."
Natz waved goodbye and then Molly grabbed the back of the chair. With Yuri wrangling Petunia down, they slowly made their way down the street. Molly pushed slowly, but Yuri had mostly managed to hold Petunia so that he claws only scratched his legs. His face and arms stung from the claw marks, but last week he'd endured multiple stab wounds so all things considered this wasn't a big deal.
At Molly's house, she opened the door and then heaved him over the front step. As soon as she closed the door behind them, Yuri let go and Petunia bolted off his lap and disappeared down a hallway.
"Petunia!"
"Don't worry. She'll be hiding somewhere in the house. I'm no expert in cats, but I know dogs like to find a secluded quiet spot to have their puppies. Cats are probably the same. She probably ran away so she could find a place to have her kittens, so you should give her a cozy place here so she doesn't need to leave."
Molly nodded slowly. "Ok… like what?"
Yuri looked around the living room. "Is there a closet you can use? And maybe a box with some blankets in it?"
"Uhhh there's a coat closet over here." She ran across the living room and swung open a door. There was an empty, dark space below the coats. "Would this work?"
Yuri wheeled closer and nodded. "That looks good. Now go get a box or something, and some blankets."
Molly ran off and returned a few minutes later with a large wicker basket. "Is this ok?"
Yuri nodded, and then directed her to set up the nest. He let her do the work on the ground, because leaning down that far was difficult without falling over, but she seemed to enjoy doing it herself. While Molly set up the cat nest, Yuri got directions to the kitchen and washed his face and arms. The cuts were already scabbing over, but he cleaned up the streaks of blood.
Yuri entered the living room again just in time for the front door to open. A woman entered and stared at him while Molly jumped up and grinned. "Mom!"
"Hello, dear. Um, who are you?"
Yuri rolled forward. "Hi. Sorry to intrude; your daughter came to my guild and wanted to hire me to help look for her cat." When he was close enough, he stuck out his hand. "Yuri Lowell from Brave Vesperia."
She shook it weakly, but seemed more confused than alarmed. Yuri took a moment to think about what her reaction might have been if he could still walk. A strange man alone in the house with a little girl? He should have thought this through before following Molly home. But, she didn't seemed threatened by him. Why should she be? He was just a harmless cripple. In a way, that was a good thing in this case. He hated people thinking he was helpless, but sometimes it was nice to be assumed harmless.
"I see you encountered Petunia," Molly's mother said. She held up her arm and revealed a set of scratches. "You're not the only one. She's been quite testy lately."
Yuri glanced over his shoulder and saw the black cat creeping toward the now-abandoned closet with the nest of blankets. "I don't blame her. I'd be testy, too, with a stomach full of kittens."
"Yuri helped me save Tuny, Mom!" Molly tugged her mother's arm. "He bought her tuna, too. He's really nice!"
"Well… it sounds like you had a nice morning. I was going to cook grilled cheese for lunch. Would you like to stay, Mr. Lowell?"
It seemed rude to decline. "It would be my pleasure."
Yuri couldn't remember the last time he'd spent the night alone. He closed up the building, made dinner for himself, and took a shower. It was so nice to be able to take showers again and not need someone to lift him in and out of a bathtub. He got ready for bed and lay comfortably under the blankets, listening to the silence of the house. Even Repede was away tonight. For the past week, his friends had been sleeping right upstairs, before that Flynn was always a shout away, and he certainly was never alone in the hospital. Now, he was the only living soul in the building.
But it was ok. Carter and Zagi were on a different continent, so there was nothing to worry about. He wasn't afraid of Carter anymore. Of course, at lunch today he'd felt grateful that Molly was sitting at the table, so when her mother asked Yuri how he'd been injured he had an excuse to not go into any detail that might scare her and just say some guy attacked him. He hadn't been able to explain when Natz asked, either. It was stupid. After all this time, it still bothered him to play the events out in his mind, and it bothered him that it bothered him.
Yuri folded his arms beneath his head and glared at the ceiling. I'm not afraid of memories. Well… ok, he'd discussed this at length with Sarah and reluctantly had to conclude that he was, but he knew he shouldn't be and didn't want to be. He could think about what had happened without feeling sick. Even though he was utterly alone in the building and had no one to lean on for reassurance…. Yuri squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He was never going to sort his head out if he kept running away every time his mind drifted to unpleasant thoughts.
I'm lying on my side on the ground. He forced the image into his head. Footsteps are coming and I know it's him. I'm already sore all over so I'm dreading what he's going to do now. When he gets close enough, I can see he's holding a knife. He crouches next to me and I try to kick him, but my feet are tied. He drags the knife across my chest and I grind my teeth into the rag shoved into my mouth. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of making any noise. He pushes me onto my back and my hands are crushed under my body. The stump of my finger throbs with a burst of pain and I can't see straight for a few minutes and -
Yuri took a breath and rolled on his side. He absently massaged his hand and scowled at the wall. It was so frustrating. Being physically screwed was bad enough, but he at least wished he could get his head right again. He never would have thought that he'd become comfortable physically before mentally, but letting those events play out made his insides squirm. He took a deep breath and tried again.
I'm on the ground again but the footsteps coming closer sound different. They clank on the ground and I recognize the gait. Flynn! That lousy idiot finally figured out where I am! Carter is here too, though. He walks forward to stand over me and I hear him talking to Flynn. I can't focus on what they're saying – hurts too much. Carter kicks me in the chest but everything already hurts so I barely notice the spike in pain.
Flynn and Carter are talking again. Flynn sounds nervous, but I'm on my side and not facing him. I want to roll over to at least see his face but it hurts too much to move. Carter grabs me and pulls me to my feet. Every movement hurts and I almost pass out again but his grip keeps me upright. I can see Flynn's face now, so pale and frightened. It's that special fear Flynn reserves for others in danger, and I feel like crap for making him so worried. All I want is to break away from Carter's slimy grip, collapse into Flynn's arms, and sleep for a week.
Carter cuts my face. I don't have the strength to even react anymore, and besides, what's one more injury? I manage to meet Flynn's eyes and it's the most comforting thing I've seen since I made it down here. For a moment, I really think he's going to make everything ok, like he always does.
Agony blasts through my back. I can feel the freezing steel embedded in my back for a second before my blood warms the blade, and then it burns with an intensity like a coal is buried in my spine. The last of my strength vanishes and I crumple to the ground. Carter's boot thuds into my back but I barely feel the added pressure that rolls me onto my stomach. I can't even complete a thought before everything goes dark.
There. He'd reached the end of the memory without panicking and looking away. Sure, his heart was beating a little faster than it should be for lying in bed, but he'd done it. It seemed like a petty thing to congratulate himself on, but he always forced his thoughts to happier things and never sat through an entire memory without Sarah walking him through it piece by piece.
Satisfied, he rolled to his back and drifted off to sleep.
Karol and the others were shocked, to say the least, when they arrived home the next day and found Yuri with his face torn up. He'd managed to get more injured than any of them while staying home and manning the desk, which Karol said was typical of him. The cat scratches covering Yuri's face and arms didn't bother him too much, though. Molly had been reunited with her beloved cat, and even if he'd needed a bit of help at the end, it had still been a successful mission. It felt good to be the one giving help rather than receiving it.
Best of all, he was able to continue giving help. A few days after the others returned from Mantaic, they had another mission to deliver some supplies from the Carpenter's Guild to their associates in Aurnion. Since Brave Vesperia had the only flying transport in the world, they had a lot of courier missions. Yuri went along with the others and helped haul the bags of nails and planks of wood. The only difference was that he carried them on his lap rather than in his arms.
After that, he and Judith spent a rainy evening staking out a bakery having been hired by a competitor to prove the owner was cutting his flour with sawdust. They found no evidence of anything of the sort, but did have a rather enjoyable evening fighting over sitting space. Specifically, Judith trying to sit on Yuri, because the rain covered the ground in puddles and after an hour of standing in a deserted alley, she wanted to sit down. Both of them ended up thrown to the ground and soaking wet by the time the mission was over. It seemed an odd thing to appreciate, but every time Judith punched him in the face, twisted his arm, threw him in a puddle, and then sat cross-legged in the chair declaring it her turn in the dry seat, Yuri grinned. After months of people tiptoeing on eggshells around him, he had to appreciate someone who stomped across the shells like they weren't even there.
That was the general scheme of things as weeks past in Dahngrest. Yuri knew that it wasn't fair to blame Flynn and Estelle for worrying so much about him. After his crash and lengthy slump, it was only them taking care of every issue that kept him alive. If they hadn't been on top of things, he might have lain in bed staring at nothing until he died of starvation, or at least until he had so many bed sores they'd never heal. But they'd become accustomed to taking care of him, and now he didn't need someone asking him every day if he'd taken his medication or when he last ate.
With Brave Vesperia, it wasn't that they didn't care, they just didn't treat it as something that ought to be a big deal. Karol asked him about medication when he was on his way out and offered to buy more apple gels while picking things up for dinner, and Judith offered to get things off high shelves as frequently as she did for Karol. Comments about remembering to use the back entrance of a building because it had a ramp for carts were thrown out as casually as plans for where they'd stop for lunch when the mission was complete. Yuri's favourite foods and most-used cooking utensils had been quietly re-arranged to the easy-to-reach shelves and without anyone bringing it up, and the normally disorderly guild kept floors clear.
So without anyone really discussing it, life went back to normal. He went on missions, he hung out with his friends, he teased Karol, and they all pulled as much weight as they could.
A few weeks after he arrived in Dahngrest, Yuri sat at the front desk in the middle of the night. There were still several inches of files to be sorted, and such tedious work was an excellent way to occupy the mind. He was singing the alphabet song under his breath to remember what letter came after T when footsteps caught his attention.
"Evening," Yuri said.
Judith stopped at the foot of the stairs. "Oh, hello. I didn't expect you to be up."
"Going somewhere?"
"Just getting a drink." Judith wandered to the kitchen and returned a minute later with a glass. She set it on the desk and leaned over. "What are you doing?"
"Sorting things."
"At four in the morning?"
Yuri leaned back and stretched. "I woke up about half an hour ago. My back is killing me so I figured I'd do something tedious until I got tired enough to fall asleep again."
"Worse than usual?"
Yuri shrugged. "Sometimes it flares up. Don't worry about it. Go back to bed."
She pouted. "You think I'm that heartless? I can't leave you down here in so much pain."
"It's not that bad. I'm used to it and-"
"I meant sorting files."
Yuri looked at the dull reports. "Why do we even have this many reports?"
"Oh, you know how Karol is." She hopped on the desk to sit down. "He wants to keep meticulous records. It's official. I'm glad you're back; he was starting to drive me crazy after a few months of it being just the two of us."
Yuri chuckled. "Glad I can be of help."
She turned her head with a smile. "Although… I really did miss you, you know. Karol missed you more than he'll ever say. Things just… weren't the same while you were gone."
"You could have popped in to visit more if it was that bothersome." He wasn't upset with them for not visiting more, knowing perfectly well that up until a couple of weeks before leaving Zaphias, he wouldn't have appreciated a visit anyway.
"We could have visited Flynn's house, yes, but not you. What I mean is, I'm glad you are back."
"Oh." Yuri folded his arms behind his neck and tried to speak casually. "What's with you, Judy? Not like you to be some open-hearted."
"It's been on my mind. I enjoy fighting, but it's terrifying to think one of my best friends is in danger from some demon I can't beat up."
"I'm… sorry. I know I put all of you guys through a lot of grief, but you don't have to worry anymore. I'm better now."
She met his eyes with a hard look. "Three nights ago I came down for a drink and heard you talking in your sleep."
Yuri's eyes widened. "I was what? What did I say?"
"You didn't say much of anything, just a lot of moaning and 'stop' and 'no'. It was obvious you were having a nightmare, but when I went to wake you up, I heard you shuffling around and realized you'd woken yourself."
Yuri remembered that night. He'd awoken with his heart hammering and a sweaty sheet strangling him, and had to get out of bed and roll over to his desk to press his forehead against the cool wood. The exact details of the dream eluded him, but he'd been practising playing out the night he got stabbed again before going to bed so he had a pretty good guess.
When Yuri didn't respond, Judith said, "And in the past, you were someone who always slept with a weapon within reach, just in case. Now you keep your weapons far away from your bed. Is there anything we should know?"
He should have told them. The reason he hadn't was that everything had been going so well. All his friends were optimistic and Yuri hadn't had any… 'episodes' since he got here. Well, there were the nightmares and the difficulty relaxing enough to sleep, but that wasn't the same. "It's just… a precaution. I do feel better now, but I was feeling better for a little while in Zaphias until one day I just woke up miserable again. I was in a funk for a few days before pulling myself up again. I don't know when it will happen again, but I decided that if I hit a day when I wake up wishing I was dead, then it would be better if I kept any means of achieving that out of reach."
Judith nodded slowly. "I understand. Is there anything we can do to help if you have one of those days?"
"Well… consider this a standing rule that you're allowed to drag me out of bed and force me to eat and take care of basic hygiene. And, don't panic too much. Like I said, last time it went away after a few days. I'll talk to Karol about this, too."
"Good. Now what about Flynn?"
Yuri scowled and glanced away. "What about him?"
"You haven't mentioned him since the day we got here. Normally I'd say this is a good thing because your incessant mentioning of him can be trying at times-"
Yuri gave her a look.
"-but you never mentioning him at all is weird."
"Things are… complicated."
"You said you didn't break up with him, so I suppose that means you intend to forgive him?" Judith absently swirled water around her glass.
"Eventually, I guess. Honestly, when I think about it clearly, I can't really blame him for not telling me. Really, what difference does it make to me? It's not like he did it on purpose and either way I'm still paralyzed. The guilt he's felt all these months is punishment enough for not speaking up."
"And yet…."
Yuri frowned and folded his arms on the desk. "Yeah. And yet, I can't help getting really angry when I think about it. I know it was an accident, and I know he was trying to save my life, but I can't help feeling angry every time I think about him. I've pretty much settled with my life now, but finding out it was Flynn screwing up and not Carter's attack is like… it didn't have to be this way."
"Emotions aren't always logical."
"Look, don't worry about me. Flynn and I spent a good chunk of our childhoods mad at each other. I just need to let myself get over him being responsible and then I'll be able to rationally forgive him for not telling me."
"Ok, as long as you're fine." She hopped off the desk and downed the last of her water. "I'm going back to bed. Are you going to stay up?"
Yuri reached around and rubbed his back. "I guess I should try. It's probably not going to get any better."
"See you in the morning, then."
Yuri shoved the rest of the files back in the drawer, said goodnight, and headed for bed.
