I love you guys. Thank you so so so much for your lovely reviews and notes, I feel so special (:
Here you go, Chapter 29 at last. I know it's not the longest, but it should answer a few of your questions!
~nightfall26
Aang was blind. He couldn't see past his own infatuation to see that there were deeper things in life. I had pushed past the barrier long ago. I had tasted true love. It was impossible to tear myself away from it, now.
Katara was everything. Nothing else mattered to me; not even my own life.
If he hurt Katara in any way, I would tear down that tower until I reached him. I kept trying to tell myself that she was going to walk out of those doors any moment... She would defeat him, wouldn't she?
She had to. Her life depended on it...
As did my own.
XAI POV
Things were moving slowly. My fingers were dancing between Katara's, and I felt a strong sense of intimacy in that moment. Her eyelids were shut, those familiar long lashes casting shadows on her cheekbones. I swallowed against the blood rising in my throat.
"I'll be here when you wake up, 'Tara. You know I promised I'd come back for you." My voice was barely above a rasp. I ripped my gaze away from her face, swaying back and forth to gather my will. I had to be here when she remembered. I had to see those eyes look upon me in love once more. I had to feel her hands in mine, her forehead tilted against mine, her arms around me. I had to see that smile that I knew was just for me. It'd been agony – no. It had been a lifetime of suffering knowing that she had tricked me.
She'd promised.
And she had lied.
"It should be about time for you to see what I've been through now, 'Tara. Please, please understand. I never meant to hurt you." I whispered dully, closing my eyes for a moment.
A sigh whistled through her parted lips. I only held my fingers against the back of her hand, keeping as little contact between us as possible. The chill of my presence was enough to cause discomfort for her.
I glanced heavenward again, begging, pleading, hoping for more time.
KATARA POV
The ultimate sorrow that inked through my veins was paralyzing. He was my childhood love. I knew that now. I watched his face fade away, I watched him hit the water. I felt the numbness of loss.
And then I felt nothing. That must have been when I forgot-
I was suddenly traveling.
I didn't know where, I didn't know how, but Xai was taking me back to someplace he needed me to recall.
But when I opened my eyes again, I was looking through his mind. I was seeing everything he was, I was a part of him.
No, it was more than that. I was him.
I was in one of his memories.
XAI POV
My heart shattered when I saw her face. She was so innocent, so beautiful, so lovely in that moment. I wanted to hold her in my arms again so badly. I wanted to rush back, to tell her that everything would be alright.
Even though I knew it wouldn't.
The doctor had told me not three weeks ago that I only had a limited amount of time left in my life. The illness that had plagued me all my life was catching up to me. Constant care and love had kept me alive all these years, but soon, it wouldn't matter. Soon, I'd be a part of the swirling snow.
It took every ounce of strength I had to let go of the cliff face. I scrunched my eyes shut, but I couldn't block the sound of her screams from my ears.
I was silent. I knew the water wouldn't harm me. Even though I wasn't a bender, I knew enough about the waves to realize that they would cushion my fall.
To a degree, anyways.
I barely felt the impact. I was numb with cold as it was, the water had hardly any effect on my frozen limbs. I drifted for a moment, allowing Katara's face to fill my mind. Someday, when I saw her again, she would forgive me. I knew she would.
A breadth of a second later, I found myself bobbing to the surface. The chill of the air touched my lips almost affectionately. My eyes were still shut, but I could feel the warmth of the mid day sun on my face. Did she think I was dead? Of course. Any reasonable human being would assume that. But I had been protected, not only by the water, but by the secrets I kept.
The day after I had been told my life was ending, I had struggled through the snow drifts, blind with agony. The grief that tore through me was audible—and someone heard my cries.
"Come here." It was but a whisper on the wind, but it was comforting.
"I know your pain, young one. I can offer understanding." The voice was of a woman's… and she didn't sound too far away. I glanced about, wondering if I was going crazy.
"You're not going crazy, I can assure you." In front of me appeared a middle-aged woman, stooped as if the very act of standing aged her. Her eyes were withered with pain, but her face was youthful.
"Come here." She repeated her words, extending her arms out to me. I staggered forward.
"You're not alone, little one." She wore gloves made of a dark fur, they were warm in my cold hands. Leading me along gently, I felt a sense of calm overtake me. We walked for a ways- I didn't bother to keep track of the time. My mind was a haze of pain. When the mouth of a cave met my tired gaze, she turned back to me and smiled.
"I call this home." Her voice, soft, was peaceful. Inside, there was a fire and several mats. The walls were hung with blue fabric.
"You don't get cold?" I blurted. A laugh trickled from her mouth, small and red and curved downwards.
"No, little one. I haven't gotten cold in a very long time." I wondered why.
"All will be explained, don't you worry. Come and have a seat." Was she hearing my thoughts?
"Yes, your thoughts are rather loud. I can hear you quite clearly." I gave a start, my eyes wide with trepidation. What was her story? I was eager to find out. I took my seat on a mat, warming myself by the crackling fire.
"I've been cursed with the power of shadow bending." Her voice was softer, still. I strained to hear her.
"What's shadow bending?" Curious, I crossed my legs and folded my hands.
"I can hear thoughts, enter the world of the dream, and bend shadows." She took one white hand out of her glove, and as she did so, the shadows from the flickering flames danced about her. They were quiet swirls of blackness, and I felt somewhat startled.
"They won't hurt you." She murmured.
"I've never heard of a shadow bender before."
"That's because I'm the only one. It is a power passed down to a single heir once someone becomes too weak to continue. I've had this since I was small; hardly old enough to be without my mother. But I was alone. My parents had died in a tragic accident, and I was trying to survive on my own. Then he came, like a darkness over the land, and taught me the ways. Before I knew it, he had gone, like a wounded animal dragging itself somewhere still so that it may die in peace." Her voice was almost wistful by this point.
"I know I'm just a strange woman telling you a story, child, but I knew you would appreciate it. There's a girl- Katara- yes?" I nodded carefully.
"She loves you very much. And you're very ill. I can teach you a way to survive long enough to capture her love."
With that said, she gave me careful instructions to fake my own death. It was easy for her to cast her powers over my friends and family, to make them forget I ever existed, to erase me from their memories.
She promised that Katara would never forget me.
I wouldn't accept, otherwise.
Being a water bender as well as a shadow bender, her capabilities would see that I fell harmlessly into the waves.
Which I did.
And here I was, floating along.
Before long, I could see the shoreline. And on it, her cloak kissed the water's edge. I clambered out of the water, shaking myself to dry off a little.
"Come, you have done very well." She threw her cloak about my shivering shoulders and guided me back to her cave.
Over the next few years, she slowly taught me the motions of shadow bending. She taught me the rules to play by—there were several. One of which was that I must find one dwelling and hide it from the world in any way possible. I was to exist as if I was dead.
I carried out her every instruction flawlessly, and when the day came for her to pass her powers down to me, she was looking particularly tired. Her eyes were sunken.
"Xai, I have taught you all I can teach you. You have excelled in every area, you have shown hunger. So now, I give you my burden, so that I may rest at last." With a careful sigh, her shoulders slumped a little.
A rush of air slammed me back against the cavern wall, and all at once, I could feel the cold slowly fading away. I heard the voices of a thousand broken souls, and I could feel their suffering as if it was my own.
"Go now, Xai." She muttered, leaning back against the wall. A tremendous shiver passed through her body, and I watched as the life left her eyes.
I had never even learned her name.
Time went by, and I perfected my plans. It wasn't hard to follow her, she traveled with a powerful bender. Her skills were far beyond anything I had imagined, and her bravery shocked me.
But it was really her eyes that sent me reeling. They were such a perfect shade of cerulean that I felt as if I was back home, floating in the ocean once more.
I watched as she rose against the strongest power in the world and bested it.
I watched as she turned into a woman right before my eyes.
I watched as others all around her fell in love with her beauty and her kindness and her spirit.
I watched as she gave her heart to another.
And my soul burned.
The first time I discovered that she didn't remember me, betrayal surged through me. I didn't leave my home for a week, and my careful planning was thrown off somewhat. The prior shadow bender had only given me enough time to capture Katara's love again—that trickster. She was taking me to death's door, to the very brink of my strength, and forcing me to use everything I knew to trap Katara like a feral animal.
She hadn't cared about me. She had only wanted to rid herself of a curse that had crushed her like a flower underneath someone's heel.
Katara shouldn't have to pay for this mistake. She shouldn't be hurting. I shouldn't be hurting her friends.
She was so much more lovely than that. She deserved so much more than a cage.
I almost regretted taking advantage of the Avatar.
Almost.
I almost felt bad, whispering lies into the ears of those who would listen so that she and the Fire Lord would be parted.
But the satisfaction of knowing she could be mine overruled any tears I might had shed for the Firebender.
When the Avatar failed me, I had to resort to my own will power once again. Time was my enemy. The illness was accentuated by the massive amounts of energy it took to use my newly acquired powers. I came home drained and occasionally coughing blood. Life was not like I thought it would be.
The Firebender, Zuko, was stubborn. He forced his way back into her life. He pushed against me, resisted me, stayed with her almost every moment. His love for her was never ending, it was boundless, limitless, and I couldn't touch it. I couldn't make her stop trusting him. I couldn't force my way between them. The passion they shared ripped me into shreds.
I was finding him acutely annoying.
The annoyance grew to the point of hatred.
Hatred that boiled within my heart like a disease waiting to be released upon the world. I craved her like a drug. So I kept close tabs on her. This called for visiting her dreams nearly every night. When I began creating dream worlds for myself to inhabit so that I might speak to her, excitement built within me.
My days were focused entirely on her.
But when I approached her, I was nothing but disappointed.
She didn't remember me.
The fear in her eyes was killing me. Her pain was my pain, her tears were my tears. We were connected, could she not see that?
No matter what I did, she couldn't see that I was only doing this because I loved her. I needed her with me again, I needed her to save me.
I was running out of time.
KATARA POV
As I separated from Xai's memories, I felt myself being pulled through several events in succession. I watched as we grew up together, I watched as we cared for each other. I saw the love in his eyes and the love in my own.
Why had I forgotten? How could someone forget something so beautiful? A gasp tore from my throat, tears welled in my eyes, and I woke up. I sat up, sobs ripping from my lungs.
"You're awake." Xai was hunched over, his hand hovering over mine. Blood spotted his cheeks.
"Yes." I reached over, my hands grasping his as tightly as I could bear. The icy chill stung my fingers.
"Do you remember?" His voice was cracked and tired, and the life was fading slowly from his eyes. The fight was ending.
Xai was dying.
The grief from a childhood self rushed through me, and I continued to sob without restraint. I was living in the moment, still, and I couldn't bear the thought of his death. My heart pulsed with such sudden caring that I feared it would burst.
"You can't die." I whispered brokenly, grasping his arms to pull myself to him. His eyes, hollow as they were, sparked.
"I don't have much time left, 'Tara-"
"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that."
"It's the truth. I only had so much time left in me. I can't go on living like this, Katara. These powers were meant to harm, and I have harmed many. I've hurt you beyond comprehension, and I fear that I will never be forgiven for my acts."
He was so sorrowful, so wounded, so tired. I continued to cry silently, the tears slipping down my cheeks uncontrollably.
"I just had to see you again, I just had to make you remember. Seeing you look at me with so much fear and hatred was painful, Katara, like you wouldn't believe-"
I reached across the space between us, my hands shaking with the emotion that crackled between us, and pressed my lips to his.
"You're forgiven."
There you have it.
I actually cried while writing this chapter...I'm a little embarrassed c:
5 Reviews or no next chapter, my lovelies. Please, please tell me if you shed a tear too.
~nightfall26
