Chapter Notes
Huge boobie gropes to all my hotties on Twitter, UU, FFFW & Twilighted. You girls own me and you know it.
To my Twilighted Beta, Blondie – Thank you so much for all that you do.
To my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan – You are extraordinary and I can't wait for you to hump my leg one day soon.
Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I own an unhealthy addiction to all things pornographic and/or chocolatey. Oh, and the word 'fuck' apparently.
Enjoy.
Chapter 29 – Jealousy Vs Serenity
BPOV
"Robert! Over here! Robert!!"
"Rob, who's your friend?! Are you guys dating?!"
"Robert, come on! Just one smile, man, please!"
"What's your name, sweetheart?! How did you and Rob meet?!"
Rob ushered me into the hotel and it wasn't until the elevator doors closed behind us, blocking out the yells of the desperate paparazzi, that we both relaxed enough to exhale.
"Jesus, Rob! Does that happen to you a lot?" I asked in bewilderment.
He nodded and gave me wry smile.
"Every damn day, Swan."
"Really? That is unbelievable!"
"Hey, that was nothing. Those guys tonight were pretty tame compared to some of the others. Some of them are real animals."
"No, I mean it's unbelievable they find you interesting enough to stalk you like you're actually someone important."
I smirked at him, and he chuckled and shook his head.
"You're the most hilarious person I've ever met, Swan, did you know that?"
"Really?"
"No. Not really. You're an enormous goddamn pain in my bloody ass, but you do make me laugh. Now, call your fucking boyfriend and try to explain the ass-piracy we've just experienced before he finds out from someone else and decides to try and make me all kinds of dead."
I rolled my eyes at him.
"Jeez, Rob, overly dramatic much?"
He glared at me.
"Alright, alright," I said, quickly pulling out my phone and dialing. "Sheesh! You're not nervous about Edward's reaction are you? I already told you how well he's doing with his serenity training."
He ran his fingers through his hair roughly.
"Yeah you did, right before you told me he's put on about fourteen pounds of muscle, so I don't want to take any fucking chances, thank you very much."
I dialed Edward's number and waited impatiently for him to answer. I could feel my heart speed up slightly at the thought of telling him what just happened.
This conversation could go two ways – he could either realize that Rob and I were simply spending some innocent, friendly time together and ignore the rumors that were no-doubt blazing through the internet like wildfire, claiming that we were fucking on every horizontal-surface available, and even some of the vertical ones; or he could override all of his serenity training and get on the first flight to New York so he could beat Rob to a bloody pulp and yell at me until I cried.
I bit my fingernails as I waited to find out which Edward I'd be speaking to.
"Edward Cullen's phone, Bree speaking."
Ah, crap.
Or he could give his phone to the human equivalent of a root-canal and make my head want to explode with violent rage.
"Bree, it's Bella," I seethed, not bothering to disguise my disgust, "First of all, thanks for fucking me over with my transportation and accommodations here in New York. That was just awesome."
She giggled, and I've never wanted to hit someone so much in my life.
"Did you like the hotel, Bella? I saw it online and totes thought of you."
"Oh, really? Did the sales-pitch on the website also mention the jizz stains on the bed-spread?"
She giggled again.
"No, but that's, like, a total bonus."
I fumed and clenched my fists. This girl had no clue who she was fucking with, but sure as hell I was going to explain it to her one day real soon. I'm pretty sure my explanation would include her writhing on the floor in pain.
"Bree, where's Edward?"
"Oh, well, his last interview today was totes stressful. The interviewer brought up stuff about you and your past, so Emmett took EC out for a run to, like, to calm him down." Her voice slithered out of the phone like liquid stench, and my nose wrinkled involuntarily. "Wow, Bella, you must feel really bad that he has to totes keep defending your past to everyone, huh? Poor EC. It really takes its toll on him."
I closed my eyes and breathed through my anger, desperately trying to loosen my grip on the phone before it shattered in my fucking hand. I felt Rob's hand come down on my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see him looking at me with concern.
Come on, Swan, don't bother reacting to her bullshit. You know she's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Don't give her the satisfaction.
I took a leaf out of Edward's book and counted to ten as I exhaled slowly. My blood was boiling slightly less when I spoke again.
"Look, Bree, just tell Edward to call me, okay? Urgently. And for fuck's sake keep him away from the internet until then, alright? I need to explain something to him. Can you handle that?"
"Oh, Bella, I can totes handle much more than you give me credit for," she said, and I had the sudden and irrational mental picture of a fly struggling uselessly in a sticky web as a spider moved in for the kill. "I'll tell EC, you called."
With that, the line went dead.
Rob looked at me expectantly as the elevator doors opened and we stepped out into the hallway.
"Well?"
"He's not there. The spawn of Satan said she'd get him to call me."
He sighed.
"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait then, won't we? Wanna hang out in my room?"
"Why, Mr Pattinson," I exclaimed, "How very forward of you. What will the papps say if they find out?"
He shrugged.
"They'll say that you and I are fucking like rabbits, that you're pregnant with my love-child, that we're looking to buy a house together, and that I proposed to you at the Chateau Marmont while smoking pot and doing tequila shooters off your tits. You know...the usual."
I nodded solemnly.
"Fair enough. Got beer?"
He scoffed.
"Bitch, please. It's me."
I raised an eyebrow at him.
He grimaced.
"I can't get away with saying 'bitch, please', can I?"
"So very no."
"Is it the accent?"
"And pretty much everything else about you."
"Dammit."
We entered the happy explosion of mess that was Rob's suite and flopped on the couch after he grabbed some beers from the kitchen.
I was starting to get anxious about hearing from Edward and by the look on Rob's face, so was he. We both sighed simultaneously, so I decided to try and lighten the mood.
"So," I said, plonking my feet onto the coffee table, "What are we going to name our little one?" He looked at me in confusion. "You know, your love child that I'm currently impregnated with. Any ideas on what we're going to call it?"
He shrugged.
"Well, if it's a girl – Emmett, obviously - and if it's a boy - how about Robert junior?"
I snorted and he frowned at me.
"What?" he asked, bringing his beer up to his mouth.
"Well, I just assumed that the term 'Robert Junior' would have already been assigned to...um...a particular part of your....anatomy."
He spit out the mouthful of beer he'd just taken.
"Fucking hell, Swan, are you kidding me? There is nothing JUNIOR about THAT part of my anatomy!"
I giggled as I watched him wipe beer-spit off himself.
"Uh huh. So what have you named him then?"
He blushed.
"Nothing! Why the fhell would I name him? I'm not twelve years old, Swan. That's so fucking immature."
"Oh, come on, Rob, you're not fooling anyone. Either you tell me his name or I'll just have to make up my own name for him. How about Thumbalina? Tiny Tim? Pattsy's Precious Peen Princess?"
He gasped in horror.
"You take that back!"
"Sure, just as soon as you tell me his real name."
"No fucking way. You'll laugh your ass off."
"I won't! I promise! Come on, please!"
"Absolutely bloody not. It's too embarrassing."
"Robert," I whined pathetically, "I have puked on you AND grossed you out with my giant, swollen tongue. You OWE me this. Please."
He groaned and looked at me with disdain.
"You're really going to guilt me into this, aren't you?"
I nodded and smiled.
He thrust a long finger in my face.
"Promise me you won't laugh," he demanded roughly.
I looked at him sincerely.
"Rob, I promise, okay? Now, come on, spill."
He rubbed his eyes with his hand and said softly, "I can't believe I'm fucking telling you this, Swan. I am such an idiot."
He sighed heavily and looked at me. "Gigantor, alright? His name is Gigantor."
I nodded solemnly.
"Oh. Wow. Good name." I took in a deep breath and held it desperately. "See? Not laughing."
He quirked an eyebrow at me and the bubbling flood inside me burst its banks in an embarrassing wave of snorting and guffawing. I doubled over in a gut-clenching, saliva-spraying fit of hysterical laughter.
"Oh....Jesus....can't breathe....Gigantor!"
I gripped Rob's shirt desperately to stop myself from falling off the couch as I convulsed and cackled.
He scowled at me.
"I KNEW you'd fucking laugh! DAMMIT, SWAN!"
I gasped as I tried to talk around my giggles.
"Oh....Rob...I'm so sorry....can't....help it...."
He slammed his beer down on the table and glared at me.
"I object to the fact that you think Gigantor is such a hilarious name for my penis. For all you know, it could be entirely inadequate in fully describing the magnitude of my magnificent member!!"
I laughed even harder, my face streaming with uncontrollable tears.
Rob scowled at me and crossed his arms petulantly over his chest.
"Alright then, what the hell does Edward call his?"
My laughter turned into a coughing fit.
"Excuse me?"
He narrowed his eyes at me.
"What...does...Edward...call...his?"
A nervous giggle bubbled out of me.
"What? Nothing. He's not twelve years old!" I felt a traitorous blush prickle up my neck. I looked away from Rob's demanding gaze. "Edward's penis has no name. It's anonymous. It's in the Penis Protection Program."
He scoffed loudly.
"Come on, Swan! Every man names his dick. It's what we do. I told you mine even though it's going to provide you with enough ammunition to torture me for fucking months. The least you can do is to give me something in return."
I took a huge mouthful of beer and swallowed it down.
He was right. I hated when he was right. It felt wrong and unnatural.
"You really want to know?"
He leaned back and rolled his eyes at me.
"Yes. I really want to know."
"Well, to be fair, Edward didn't actually name him. I did."
"Yeah, yeah."
"And when I named him I was in the middle of a post-coital haze of silliness, so..."
"Swan, get on with it would you?!"
I looked up at him and grimaced, drawing in a deep breath.
"Godzilla."
His brow furrowed in confusion and he leaned toward me, cupping his ear with his hand.
"I'm sorry, what?"
I sighed and shook my head.
"You fucking heard me, Pattinson. God-zilla."
Suddenly his hands grasped his hair, his eyes snapped shut and he groaned in pain.
"Oh, Jesus....please God, make it stop!!"
I touched his shoulder in concern.
"Rob? Are you okay? What the hell is wrong with you?"
He looked up at me with tortured eyes.
"Fuck, Swan. I now have a recurring mental image of Edward's cock destroying huge chunks of downtown, Tokyo!! Arrrgh!!"
He burst out laughing and I punched his shoulder roughly.
"You're an asshole."
He held his sides and sighed.
"Oh, man, knowing that Edward's dick has an even more ridiculous name than mine makes me slightly less nervous about him killing me horribly."
"That's absurd. First of all, Gigantor is WAAAY sillier than Godzilla, and second of all, I'm sure Edward will be totally fine when he sees the pictures. I have complete faith in my man."
"Oh, really?" he challenged, "Let's just see what sort of damage we're looking at then, shall we?"
He flipped open his laptop and typed quickly. He leaned forward and looked carefully at the screen before groaning.
"Oh...no, no, no, no. How is that fucking possible? How do they DO that?"
"What?" I said, twisting the screen around so I could see what he was looking at.
"Oh, shit," I breathed in disbelief.
The TMZ website had about a dozen pics of Rob and me at the restaurant, and if I hadn't actually been there and knew that absolutely nothing romantic happened between us, I would totally think that we were hooking up.
There were pics of us laughing and touching, apparently gazing into each other's eyes lovingly, and holding hands.
And then there were the pictures of us kissing.
I had kissed Rob on the cheek. I remember doing it and it was definitely on the cheek. It was quick and chaste and completely innocent, but the photographs had been taken in such a way that it looked like we were having a full-on make-out session.
Goddammit.
I looked over at Rob. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, taking a long drink from his beer before flopping back into the couch.
He looked tense. He had good reason to be. If I was Edward and saw photos of my girlfriend and the man who was not-so-secretly in love with her seemingly all over each other, I'd pretty much want to hit him – hard.
Oh, crap. This is not good. This is not good at all.
I need to speak to Edward. Now.
I quickly pulled my phone out and jumped a little when it rang in my hand. I punched the answer key and shoved it against my ear.
"Edward?"
"Bella, what the hell's going on there? My skin is going all blotchy and that usually means that fuck-uppery is afoot. What happened, who are you with, and how many people am I going to have to kill to make whatever fucking mess you've gotten yourself into go away?"
I sighed.
"Hey, Alice. I'm with Rob."
She groaned.
"Well, enough fucking said. What the hell did the Brit do this time?"
"I can hear you, Alice," Rob grumbled at the phone.
I shushed him with my hand.
"We went out to dinner. Some papps caught us and took some pictures that look...compromising. Now I'm desperately trying to get in touch with Edward so I can explain that absolutely nothing happened before he sees the pics and completely freaks out."
A strange noise came out of the phone.
"Oh," said Alice, her voice sounding low and strained. "Well...yes....ah, um that could be a major fucking problem....oh, yes....wow...hmm...let me think....uhhh...God!"
"Alice?" I asked warily, "Are you okay?"
She cleared her throat.
"Yes. I'm fine, Bells. I was just like thinking...Jesus....oh. I fucking love thinking....oh, oh, God, yes! It gets me hot. Ah....um....so have you, ah....spoken to Edward yet? Oh, fuck!"
I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
"Alice, put Jasper on the phone."
I heard her gasp.
"What? Why? I mean....Jasper? Jasper who? He's not here. ! Um...oh...I mean...uh...I don't know where he is."
I laughed sarcastically.
"Okay, Alice. Look down between your thighs. That nice blond man who's currently feasting on your girl-parts is Jasper. Tap him on the shoulder and give him the phone."
I could feel her laser-gaze burn me from across the country.
"Fine," she sulked, "Ruin all my fun."
I heard shuffling before I heard Jasper's tentative voice.
"Uh...hey, Bella. Um..how are you?"
"I'm just peachy, Jas, except for the fact that I have a fucked-up situation that I really need my friend and boss' advice about, but I'm really not going to get anything useful out of her because her insatiable Dr McMunch-a-lot boyfriend is snacking on her sexy-bits and distracting her. Are you feeling my frustration here?"
"Ah...yeah. Of course, Bella. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Just be less horny for a few minutes while I finish talking to your woman, then you can do whatever the hell you want with her."
His voice became bright with excitement.
"Even the thing with the thing?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Well, that would be between you and Alice...and God."
I heard him chuckle.
"Okay, I'm going into the next room because Alice is half-dressed and there's no way I'll be able to leave her alone if her spectacular breasts are anywhere near my line of vision."
"Jas, I love that you're sharing, but I really didn't need to know that."
"Oh. Right. Okay, I'm going now. Bye, Bella."
"Nice talking to you, Jasper."
Alice came back on the phone.
"You sent my Sex-God away? For fuck's sake, Bella! How is it that you can cockblock me even when we're not in the same city?"
"Alice! Did you not hear my dilemma? There are pictures on the internet that look like I'm trying to lick Rob's tonsils! What the hell am I going to do?"
"Okay, just calm down. Let's establish the facts. Did you, in fact, try to lick the Brit's tonsils?"
"No!"
"Did the Brit try to lick your tonsils?"
"NO! Jesus, Alice!"
"Was there licking of any kind?"
I growled in frustration.
"No, there was no fucking licking, Alice! Stop obsessing about what Jasper was just doing to you and focus, dammit!! Rob and I went to dinner. That's it. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek when he started getting maudlin and sulky..."
"Hey!" Rob protested weakly.
"...but that's IT. I don't know how they got the pictures they did. It's like they used a special 'scandal camera' that made even the most innocent of touches look absolutely fucking x-rated!"
"Bella, calm down."
"How can I calm down, Alice? If Edward sees these pictures he's going to think I betrayed him, and I didn't! We've only just gotten back together. I can't have him seeing them before I've had a chance to explain!"
"It's alright, Bells. We'll fix this, okay? I take it you've already tried to call him?"
"Of course. Bree answered. Emmett has taken him jogging."
Alice snorted.
"Seriously? My brother is jogging? In public? But he runs like a girl."
"Alice!"
"Sorry. Okay, I'll try and call Emmett. You call the hotel and leave a message at reception." Her voice softened and suddenly I really missed my beautiful best friend. "We'll find him, honey. Don't worry. It'll be okay."
I swallowed the panic that was starting to rise in me and nodded.
"Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Alice."
I hung up and glanced over at Rob. He was hunched over the laptop, an expression of awe on his face.
"It really does look like you're your sticking your tongue down my throat," he breathed, chuckling quietly to himself. "It's kind of awesome." He looked up at me guiltily. "And wrong. So very, very wrong."
I slapped the laptop shut and he slumped back into the couch, crossing his arms over his chest and sulking slightly.
I quickly dialed Edward's hotel, leaving a message for him to call me as soon as he walked back through the doors.
A few seconds after hanging up, my phone rang again.
"Edward?"
"Jesus H ever-lovin' Christ, Twinkie, what the FUCK have you been up to with Rob? Are you TRYING to hurt me?"
Emmett's voice boomed out of the phone and I had to hold it away from my ear to avoid permanent damage.
"Bree just showed me the pictures on the internet! You're all over him for God's sake! You should be ashamed of yourself, woman!!"
"Emmett, where's Edward?"
"I mean, honestly, you've got some nerve letting Edward think that you two were getting back together if you just intended to run into the arms of that devastatingly handsome hottie. Not that I blame you. The man is all kinds of irresistible, but still..."
"EMMETT!!" I yelled in desperation, "PLEASE shut the fuck up for one second and listen to me."
There was a moment of silence before he said softly, "Jeez, Bells, no need to bust my balls. What did you want to say?"
I closed my eyes and tried to calm down.
"Emmett, nothing happened between Rob and me. I know the pictures look bad, but believe me when I say nothing happened."
"NOTHING HAPPENED, EMMETT!!" Rob cried in support, "Unfortunately."
He glanced at me sheepishly before stealthily opening the laptop and discreetly returned to ogling the screen.
"Oh, thank God for that," Emmett said, relief flooding his voice, "For a minute there I thought you and I couldn't be friends, sweet cheeks, and that would be fucking tragic. By the way, his voice is damn hot when he yells. Now, I'd better find Edward and let him know that he doesn't need to murder you both in a jealous rage. Not that I would have let him anyway."
My heart stopped beating.
"Emmett...has Edward seen the photos?"
There was an uncomfortable silence before he said, "Ah, yeah. He came back up to the suite before me, and when I arrived Bree had my laptop open and was showing him something. I took a quick shower and when I came out he mumbled something about having to 'take care' of some things and he left."
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
"I didn't think anything of it until I saw the screen. Unfortunately, by the time I figured out what I was seeing, he was already gone. When Alice called a few minutes ago, I tried to find him. He's not in his room and his phone is switched off. I don't need to tell you that this isn't good, baby-cakes."
I groaned and rubbed my face furiously with my hand.
"How did he look, Em, before he left?"
"Well, he looked pretty damn sick, but then again, that's normal after one of my workouts. I've lost count of the times I've made him puke."
I tugged on my hair, concentrating on the pain as thick tendrils of panic weaved through my body like metal-edged ribbons.
"Emmett," I pleaded quietly, "you have to find him. Please. You have to tell him that I love him and that nothing happened."
"I know, Bells, don't worry. I'll find him for you, okay?"
"Thanks, Emmett."
"Oh, wait, Bree wants to talk to you."
I bet she does.
"Bella? Hi," she said, fake civility dripping from every word, "Wow, I'm sooo totes sorry that I forgot to ask Edward to call you. My bad."
If the sincerity of her apology was on a scale of one to ten, she'd be sitting around negative three-hundred.
Bitch.
My legs started trembling as absolute fury flooded though me.
"But you managed to show him the pictures I didn't want him to see, didn't you, Bree? You remembered to do that, right?"
I heard her gasp.
"Oh my God! Was I NOT supposed to show him those pics of you and what's-his-name canoodling like a pair of horny lovebirds? Oh, no. Whoops."
I heard a dark laugh rumble out of me and quite frankly, it made my bladder want to let go. I could only hope it made Bree feel the same way because after the shit she'd just pulled, that bitch seriously needed to fear me.
"Bree, do you really think that all this mind-fuckery bullshit you're putting so much time and effort into will make Edward dump me and run away with you? Honestly? What are you, thirteen?"
"Bella," she said like she was talking to a rabid dog, and realistically, the analogy wasn't too far off, "I have NO idea what you're talking about. Although if I did, I'd probs say that judging by the look on Edward's face when he saw those pics of you and Rob together, him dumping you might be happening sooner than I could have possibly hoped for."
I ground my teeth together.
"I'm going to end you, Bree," I seethed dangerously.
"We'll see," she said brightly as I clenched my jaw and fists.
"Put Emmett back on," I growled.
"Sure thing. Bye, Bella!"
I had a very bad feeling that I had been underestimating little miss 'totes'. All along I had been thinking that beneath the vapidly annoying exterior there was just a thick, crusty layer of stupid, but now I was starting to see the crusty mantle hid a core of pure evil. I briefly considered checking her scalp for the inevitable 666.
Emmett's voice startled me out of my inner musings.
"Bella? I'm going to look around and make some calls...see if I can track Edward down."
I rubbed my eyes wearily.
"You'd better check the bars, Em," I said quietly, not really willing to believe that he would lose control like that, but eager to make sure no stone was left unturned, "Just in case."
"Sure."
When Emmett spoke again his voice was quiet and soothing.
"Bella, don't worry, okay? You've seen how much progress he's made over the past few weeks. He has all the tools he needs to deal with this. He may just need a little time."
I swallowed and tried to believe him.
"I can't lose him again, Em," I whispered, vaguely aware that Rob had placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, "I just can't."
"You won't. He'll be fine. Trust me."
"Thanks, Emmett."
"You're welcome. I'll call you shortly and let you know what's going on."
***
The next few hours crawled by.
Emmett and Alice kept calling back with status reports, but neither of them could find Edward. I was really starting to lose the plot.
Rob sat nearby, gently strumming on his guitar and humming to himself, but I could tell he was tense. Every so often he would look nervously towards the door as if he expected Edward to burst through it like a dark vengeful angel, and proceed to hand out a first-class ass-whupping.
It wasn't out of the realm of possibility.
Around midnight I conceded defeat and decided to go to bed. I hugged Rob briefly and told him I'd speak to him in the morning, and tramped dejectedly up the hallway to my room before peeling off my clothes and stepping into the shower.
I sighed as I let the warm water run over me, carrying with it some of the tension that had been crawling over my skin for the past few hours.
Above all else, I hoped Edward hadn't fallen off the wagon and wasn't lying in a gutter somewhere, drunk as a skunk, high as a kite and cursing my name as he humped random passers-by. My heart clenched at the thought.
Please, God, let him be alright.
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a robe, grabbing my phone and flopping down on the bed.
I must have started dozing off because I flinched violently when the phone rang in my hand.
"Um...'lo...wha?" I said roughly.
"Bella?"
I sat bolt upright, immediately awake at the sound of Edward's voice.
"Edward?"
"Hey, baby. Did I wake you?"
His voice was low and gravelly and his words were slightly slurred.
Oh, dear God, he's drunk.
"Edward, are you okay?"
I heard him groan slightly.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just woke up and I think all my muscles have decided to protest by screaming in pain. Emmett caned me this afternoon. I may never walk again."
"You just woke up? You don't happen to be in a gutter by any chance?"
He groaned again and I could almost see him stretching.
"Jesus, Bella, no I'm not in a gutter. I'm in my bed. In the hotel. What's going on?"
"Oh. You haven't been...um...drinking?"
"Well, I've had several bottles of Gatorade. Why?"
He sounded remarkably cool, calm and collected. I was really starting to get worried.
"Edward," I said carefully, "I know you've seen the pictures."
There was a pause and my head pounded dully as I waited for his response.
"Oh, yeah. The pictures," he sighed, "Bree couldn't wait to thrust them in my face when I got back to the hotel. She kept pointing to them and patting me on the back like I was a ten year old whose dog had just been run over. Either that or she was just feeling me up and pretending to be sympathetic."
My jaw clenched.
"I can imagine."
"She kept staring at my face – intently. It was fucking freaky. I think she was expecting to see the precise moment when my heart broke in two and the red-rage of jealousy filled my eyes."
I swallowed hard.
"And did she....see that?"
My voice was soft and I hoped he couldn't hear the abject fear in it.
He paused for a second before replying, "Bella, do you really have so little faith in me that you think me seeing a few photographs of you molesting the hell out of Rob in a public place is going to push me over the edge?"
Oh. Shit.
My mouth went dry and my heart beat uncomfortably against my ribs.
"Edward, I promise you, NOTHING happened with Rob. I know that the photos look bad, but please believe me when I say that I gave Rob a peck on the cheek – that's all!"
He paused and in those few seconds my heart felt as though it was sitting in the gallows, waiting for the executioner's axe to slice it in two.
When Edward spoke again his voice was low and relaxed. "I figured as much."
All the air in my lungs rushed out and a swell of relief pulsed through me.
"I won't lie though, Bella - when I first saw those photos they made my blood pressure go through the fucking roof. My first reaction was to punch something - or someone. I was sorely tempted to punch Bree. I mean, she was right there and annoying the living crap out of me, but then Emmett walked in and I remembered I was supposed be more evolved and shit."
I laughed, "Dammit, Edward, I would have paid money for you to punch Bree."
He chuckled and my arms ached to reach out and hold him.
"The way she was acting today, baby, I would have punched that bitch for free."
That. Right there. That's why I love him.
"So, you're not angry with me?" I asked carefully, "You're not jumping on the first plane out here to cruelly murder Rob?"
He sighed.
"Look, Bella, I love you, and I'm pretty fucking sure you love me, and as much as I'd like to think that Rob is an asshole who would make a move on my woman, I know he's not. He's a decent guy. So when I saw those pictures tonight I knew they weren't showing what they seemed to be showing. Jesus, I've been on the end of my fair share of damning photographs and I know that most of the time they're just seventeen shades of bullshit. I mean, the back-alley cock-gobbling drama that Rob and I went through is a perfect example. I'm pretty sure I know better than anybody that when it comes to celebrity gossip, things are not always what they seem."
I smiled to myself as my thundering heart realized that it wasn't going to be carved up like sashimi after all.
"But, if you're not angry, then why did you disappear tonight? Emmett, Alice and I have been looking for you for hours."
"Well, the pictures, combined with Emmett trying to kill me with running shoes, left me feeling sick and light-headed so I came down to my room, had a shower and crashed on the bed. I guess I must have dozed off."
"But Emmett tried to call your room."
"Baby, I pulled out the plug to the hotel phone. Bree has started calling me at all hours and it was totes pissing me off."
My jaw clenched involuntarily.
"Edward, if you start using the word 'totes' in everyday conversation, I'm going to have to fucking hurt you. A lot."
A low hum breathed out of the phone.
"Jesus, Bella, I love it when you get all bad-ass on me."
I laughed, trying to ignore how the low rumble of need in his voice affected me.
"I'm quite partial to bad-ass Edward as well," I teased, "Does all this serenity training you're doing mean I'm never going to hear another uber-jealous outburst from you? 'Cause that would be kinda sad."
He exhaled in frustration.
"Woman, I'm working really fucking hard to become a better man for you, and now you tell me you like it when I get all possessive? I can't win."
An excited chill ran up my spine as I pictured him glaring at me.
"Well, maybe you can just...pretend to be possessive?"
"Bella," he said in a low voice, "Where you're concerned, there is no pretending. You're mine. You'll always be mine. You know it. I know it. Our bodies know it. Even when we're apart, your body can feel mine, can't it?"
I swallowed as a rush of lust lit up my loins.
Oh, God. "Yes."
"No other man can make you feels the things I can, and I'll fucking annihilate anyone who tries."
A small groan escaped my lips.
"Oh...Jesus, yes, Edward."
"When I saw those photos of you & Rob tonight, I wanted to get on the first fucking plane to New York and find you, and grab you, and fuck the hell out of you until you could feel nothing but me moving inside you – making you scream my name, over and over again...shattering you and putting you back together until you couldn't comprehend any other man than me, ever.
I wanted to claim you in the most animalistic way possible. I wanted to plunge into you and devour you and mark you all over so every other man in the fucking world realized that you belonged to me, and that you always would, and that we were made for each other because together we're a fucking force of nature. Is that what you want to hear, Bella? That the thought of you being with someone else apparently devolves me into a grunting, desperate cave-dweller who wants nothing more than to dominate you sexually? Does that turn you on?"
My hands automatically opened my robe and pushed it aside, revealing my hardened nipples and quivering skin. The cool air caressed me as my fingertips started grazing across my breasts and abdomen.
Apparently Edward the Neanderthal did turn me on. Who knew?
"Yes, Edward. God, please....keep talking."
"You want to hear more? Are you sure? Do you really want to know that I'm jealous of every single person who talks to you, or touches you, or even fucking looks at you? Do you want to know that when I'm not with you every single part of my heart and body aches for you, like you've ripped out part of my soul and taken it with you? Do you want to know that I'm lying here, naked, fucking desperate for you to be lying on top of me, running your hands over my body, soothing the pulsing ache that seems to fucking eat my insides whenever we're apart?"
"Oh, Jesus...Edward...you're naked? So fucking sexy. "
I could hear the raw lust in my voice and by the way he groaned, I'm pretty damn sure he could hear it too.
"Fuck, Bella. When you talk like that my cock get so hard so quickly it almost punches me in the damn stomach. Christ, woman."
I heard his breath speed up slightly and my body flooded with desire as I realized what he was probably doing.
"Edward," I said in a low, seductive voice, "Are you touching yourself?"
His voice was low and strained, and the ache inside me intensified as I imagined his strong hand gripping his erection, pumping it lazily as he closed his beautiful eyes and pictured my face.
"I can't help myself when I hear your voice, Bella. It's like this semi-liquid feather of fuck-me that brushes over my skin and makes my hand do things that feel too fucking good to stop."
He moaned and my hand automatically reached down between my legs, my fingers finding the aching wetness that begged to be touched. It begged for his fingers, his mouth, his magnificent arousal – but none of those things were here so I had to provide my own fingers as a poor substitute.
They were surprisingly effective.
"Oh, God, yes...Edward, keep talking...please keep talking."
My breathing became shallow as I circled the slick, pink flesh, each pass over my clit eliciting a tiny, pleasure-filled gasp.
He groaned, "Bella? What are you doing?"
My muscles clenched at the desire in his voice.
"What do you think I'm doing?"
"Fucking hell," he whispered as his breathing became more frantic, "The thought of you touching yourself is so fucking hot I have to stop myself from losing it right here and now."
I circled my fingers faster, panting roughly as the image of Edward filled my head – his eyes squeezed shut as he fought for control of his body, muscles tensed and glistening, his hand gripping himself firmly, moving smoothly over the taut, tight skin. I could feel the delicious flutter of my muscles contracting inside me, coiling tighter, grasping for the ecstasy that was squirming to be released.
"Oh, Jesus...Edward I'm so close..."
"Yes, baby...cum. Please. Tell me. Let me hear you."
His voice was rough and needy and it pushed me over the rapidly approaching precipice
I held my breath as I felt the spring-loaded tension inside me suddenly snap, releasing crashing spasms of pleasure that rocked through me like a hurricane.
"GOD, YES!! I'm cumming...Oh, Jesus! Edward....cum with me...please."
My whole body tensed as my orgasm unravelled inside me, muscles clenching and releasing in pulsing waves of intensity.
I heard Edward grunt loudly before he cried, "FUCK, YES!!! Oh, Bella....Bella...oh, God...yes.."
I stilled my hand as the last tremors faded deep inside me and I listened to Edward pant roughly on the other end of the phone. My own breathing huffed out in shallow gasps - hoarse and uneven and fast – eventually slowing as my heart calmed its furious beating.
"Jesus, Bella," Edward panted, "Why is it that even just hearing your voice can bring me to such a staggeringly powerful orgasm? That was seriously fucking incredible."
I sighed and rolled on my side, curling my legs up to my chest as utter contentment settled in my bones.
"I know what you mean. Since we've been apart I've had my fair share of orgasms but that one...oh, wow. I could almost feel you moving inside me."
He moaned and said, "Excuse me, baby, I just need to deal with something." It sounded like he put his hand over the phone before bellowing, "For God's sake, Godzy! Settle down! You've just popped like a goddamn firecracker and you still want more just because Bella is talking about you moving inside her? You greedy fucker. Could you PLEASE just be grateful and relax for five minutes? Jesus!!"
I laughed and was rewarded by hearing his low chuckle.
"Cullen, your cock is an insatiable beast, you know that, right?"
He sighed.
"He wasn't before he met you."
"What?"
"It's true. Before I met you I'd be lucky if I could get hard more than twice a night."
My girl parts clenched at the mere thought of Edward getting hard. Obviously Giney was an insatiable beast too.
"Edward, come on. That's not true."
"It is true. Before I met you, my cock was Clark Kent. Now he's Superman. You're like the opposite of Kryptonite, baby. You're my Cocktonite. Whenever I even think about you my body reacts by pulsing all available blood straight into the super-powered penis-hero. It's really fucking draining."
I laughed.
"I'm sure it is, especially considering how many times you manage to tug your tackle every day."
"Hey! The fact that I have to beat Godzy into submission so damn often is entirely your fault! He's completely enthralled by your bodaciousness."
I giggled like a teenager.
"Cullen, you did NOT just use the word 'bodaciousness'.
"Why? What's wrong with 'bodaciousness'?"
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. But any time you'd like to jump into your Delorean and meet us back in the twenty-first century, that would be swell."
He laughed, his warm voice enveloping me as I inhaled and imagined his perfect smell.
"God, I miss you," he said quietly.
"I miss you to."
"What are you doing tomorrow?"
I sighed and thought about tomorrow's gruelling schedule.
"Well, I have another meeting at the record company in the morning to decide on the final details of the album launch. Then I'll be spending several hours here at the hotel finalizing the details of all of your interviews and public appearances in New York, then back to the record label in the afternoon to discuss sales projections and ancillary promotional opportunities, before racing to the airport in the early evening to pick up a hot guy to take to the pre-album-launch cocktail party tomorrow night."
"Wait a minute. Who the hell is this hot-guy you're going out with?"
"Oh, haven't I told you about him? He's absolutely gorgeous! Tall, handsome, giant glory-cock that just won't quit."
He scoffed.
"Sounds like an asshole. I hope he's good in bed."
"Well, here's the thing – I don't remember if he's good in bed. It's been a while since we've been...um...intimate – in the peen and vag department I mean. I'm really very frustrated."
His facade cracked.
"You don't remem...WHAT? You're...WHAT? You're FRUSTRATED? Woman, I have made you cum TWICE today without even touching you, not to mention all the random molestation I perpetrated on your fine bod before you even left this morning! And now – you've fucking forgotten whether or not I'm good in bed? Fuck me! How can you forget fucking perfection? How can you forget our 'Who Can Cum the Loudest' competitions, of which I am the reigning champion? Or the giant Orgasmasplosion buy-out at Gineyland USA? Or the Great Sexual Marathon of 2009 in the Magical Love Cave where it all began right there in New York, New York? Jimminy motherfucking Cricket, woman – you are seriously killing my fucking ego here!!"
I stifled the flurry of giggles tickling my throat.
"Meh. What can I say. My memory might need some jogging."
"Some jogging? SOME jogging? Your memory is going to be getting the fucking IMAX theatre, sense-surround, 3-D fucking re-cap, lady, and when you finally recall what a goddamn prodigious sex-God I am, I'll expect a full-page ad in Variety proclaiming, 'Edward Cullen is a sexual genius whose super-hero penis deserves to be bronzed and mounted.'"
I snorted and guffawed loudly.
Edward sighed.
"You're laughing your ass off at the word 'mounted' aren't you?"
I snorted again.
"Maybe. It's a REALLY funny word."
He laughed.
"Bella, you are the strangest, quirkiest, sexiest and most beautiful woman who has ever lived. Do you know that?"
I sighed. "Well, yes, some strange man keeps telling me that, but quite frankly I'm so dazzled by his incredible beauty, inside and out, I find it hard to concentrate on his actual words."
I heard him inhale and when he spoke again, his voice was low and quiet.
"Bella, what the hell did I do before I met you?"
An uncomfortable lump formed in my throat.
"I don't know. I don't even know who I was before I met you."
I heard him sigh.
"You know, I've always had a certain emptiness inside me, even when I was a kid, but when I met you, it kind of...evaporated. I think I used to be massively lonely."
"And now?" I asked, closing my eyes so I could concentrate on his beautiful voice.
"And now, even when I'm not with you, just the thought of you fills up all the spaces that used to hurt when I was by myself."
I felt my breath hitch in my lungs.
"I feel exactly the same way."
"I love you, Bella. So much."
I hugged a pillow to my chest and pretended it was him.
"I love you too, Edward."
***
The next day was a nightmare.
Apart from the scheduled meetings at the record company, Alice called me in the morning while in the middle of a giant shit-fit because Bree had forgotten to forward pre-release media kits to several well-known music journalists, and so I had to run all around New York delivering envelopes to apartments and hotels like I worked for fucking Fed-Ex. By lunch-time I was sweaty and exhausted and covered in fifteen layers of taxi grime from driving all over the damn city.
When my phone rang as I was struggling back into a cab for my final delivery, I answered it without checking caller ID.
"What?"
"Well, hello to you too, Swan. Did you forget you were supposed to call me this morning to discuss my imminent funeral plans or were you just trying to hurt me?"
I rubbed my temple, feeling bad that I hadn't called Rob after the debacle last night and assured him that everything was okay."
"Hey, Rob. Sorry...it's been a crappy day."
His voice turned soft and sympathetic.
"Sorry to hear that. Judging by your mood I assume Edward didn't react well to the whole 'I-know-it-looks-like-I-hooked-up-with-the-devastatingly-handsome-and-humble-Pattinson-boy-but-really-I-was-just-torturing-him-with-some-annoyingly-platonic-touching?"
I smiled, despite my bad mood. Trust Rob to brighten my day.
"Actually, Pattsy, Edward was remarkably okay about the pictures. I was surprised as all hell."
"What? Really?" he said, confusion and disbelief tempering his voice.
"Really."
"He didn't freak out at all? No yelling, or crying, or threatening my life?"
I laughed.
"No, Rob. Honestly. See? I told you that he could cope with it. He knew that nothing would ever happen between us."
I heard him exhale in frustration.
"Well, that's pretty fucking trusting of him, isn't it? I mean, how did he know that you didn't finally realize what a fucking awesome catch I was, and so decided to dump his Bella-abandoning ass and run off with me to live in Italy where we'd renovate a ramshackle villa and grow our own olives?"
I laughed.
"Rob, first of all, Edward trusts me, and for some unknown reason, he trusts you too. Secondly, you've been reading 'Under the Tuscan Sun' again, haven't you?"
He sounded sheepish when he answered, "Bella, it's a bloody brilliant book. Seriously. Food AND renovating – what's not to love?"
I laughed, "Pattsy, you are sooo..."
"Swan, if the next word that comes out of your mouth is 'adorable' I am going to reach through this phone and fucking throttle you."
"...um...okay, not finishing THAT sentence, obviously. Sooo, are you going to the pre-launch party tonight?"
"Yeah, a few of us from the movie have been invited, and since I no longer have to worry about Edward ripping my arms out of my sockets, I figured I might pop in and see what's going on. Is Edward going to sing?"
The mere mention of Edward singing made my thighs light up.
"Um...I think so. At least that's the plan."
"Okay, cool. So, I'll see you there?"
"Yeah you will."
We arranged to meet at the party at nine, and when I hung up I was startled when the phone immediately rang again.
I checked the screen. It was Edward.
I cleared my throat and answered.
"Why, hello Mr. Cullen. Thank you for ringing dial-a-perv. If you would like white-hot phone-sex, please press one. If you would like a mind-blowing blow-job, please press two. If you would like to plunder your girlfriend's body until she passes out from epic amounts of ecstasy, please press three."
I listened carefully and heard strange beeping noises and Edward grunting in the background.
"Oh, come on...just fucking do it," I heard him grumble.
"Mr. Cullen?"
He huffed in frustration.
"Just a second. I'm trying to figure out how to mash all those buttons at the same time. I've almost got it."
I giggled.
"Well, considering you're not even in the same city as I am, I think that maybe two and three are out of the running, don't you?"
"Woman, do you really think I'm going to let something like geography get in the way of me having my wicked way with you? I'm going to see you soon and when I do, I want to make sure you're mentally prepared for the staggering amount of pleasure I'm going to give you."
Goddammit, he really couldn't be any sexier, could he?
"Hmmm...I like the sound of that."
My cab pulled up at the hotel where I had my final delivery of the day. I immediately recognized it as the hotel Edward and I had stayed in when he appeared on SNL. My breath stopped in my lungs.
Oh, God. This is the place where is all started - where Edward and I first made love. Where we first really declared our feelings for each other. Where we had a massive and extraordinary sexual marathon that almost killed us both.
My heart suddenly kicked into overdrive.
Somewhere in this building is The Magical Love Cave.
"Oh, Jesus," I breathed as a flood of memories and emotions rushed through me.
"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward asked, a sharp edge of concern coloring his voice.
"I'm fine," I answered as I walked into the building, nervous palpitations fluttering in my chest, "I'm just delivering my last press kit for the day, and you'll never guess where I am."
"Where?"
"The hotel where we first made love."
I heard him inhale sharply.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Nope. I'm walking into the foyer now."
I looked around and had the most incredible sense of deja vu. I remembered attacking Edward in the cab on the way back, hungrily sucking his tongue into my mouth before telling him I loved him. I remembered tugging on his hair as my hands raked over his body, desperate to be closer to him, to touch his skin, to explore his body in the most intimate of ways.
I started salivating.
"Bella? Are you still there?"
"Uh...yeah, I'm here."
I shook my head to bring myself back to reality and grabbed the piece of paper that told me which room I needed to deliver the media-kit to. I looked at the room number and frowned.
No. Surely not. This is just too fucking weird.
"Edward, can you remember which room we stayed in?"
"Ahh...the Magical Love Cave? I think it was room 1803. Why?"
Holy crap. Yep. 1803.
"Cause that's the room I have to deliver this media-kit to."
I heard him exhale loudly.
"Whoa, Bella, that's just bizarre. Who's the recipient?"
I looked at my list.
"Um...it doesn't give a name. It just says 'very high profile and important music professional.' Jesus. It could be Paula Abdul for all I know."
"Christ, I hope not. Where are you now?"
"Just getting into the elevator."
I heard him moan softly.
"Jesus, Bella, do you remember what we did in that elevator?"
I pressed the call button and let my head fall back against the wall, my eyes closing as I remembered.
"Remind me," I said quietly.
His voice floated out of the phone and wrapped me in its velvet memories.
"I picked you up, remember? You wrapped your legs around me as I pinned you against the wall...I was sucking and kissing your neck like a crazy man. God, you tasted so damn good. You were all of my favorite flavors wrapped up in sweet-smelling skin. I remember you tugging on my hair which drove me fucking insane, and then...oh, God...then you reached down and grabbed my aching cock through my jeans. Jesus, Mary and Joseph – I nearly ripped your clothes off then and there. I really didn't think I was going to make it to our room."
I swallowed as my nipples hardened and a fierce, fiery ache ignited inside me.
"Oh, yes, I remember," I said, the burn inside me intensifying with every new memory. "When the doors opened, you threw me over your shoulder and practically ran down the hallway to our suite. You couldn't get that door open fast enough. It took you three tries to get the card in the slot."
He moaned.
"God, Bella, I had been dreaming about you for so long, fantasizing about your smell and your skin and your everything...and then suddenly, there you were...in my arms – my hands on your body, my tongue in your mouth. I was fucking insane with lust and love and a whole shit-load of other stuff I'd never felt with anyone before. Is it any wonder I was a massive hormone-crazed basket-case?"
The elevator doors opened and I slowly walked down the hallway on rubbery legs - every step towards the door at the end of the hall shooting another jolt of memory-pleasure straight to my core.
I took a deep breath as I approached the door and I could swear I smelled Edward.
I stopped and leaned against the wall, trying to pull myself together before embarrassing myself in front of a no-doubt famous journalist who may give Edward's album a bad review if I came across as a crazy person.
I knew I should hang up the phone but I couldn't drag myself away from his voice. The six hours I had to wait until I picked him up from the airport were going to be interminable.
I needed him - now – and I thought it was pretty damn unfair of the universe not to let me have him.
"Edward, I cannot WAIT to see you tonight. I've been crawling out of my skin all day just thinking about having your arms around me, your hands on me, your lips on me..."
"Bella, I haven't been able to think of anything else. I'm going insane with need for you at the moment. My hands are actually itching to touch you – like seriously fucking itching. It's extremely annoying. I may need to take an antihistamine."
I sighed at the thought of him laying his hands on me.
"Or you could just touch me."
He moaned and my thighs clenched involuntarily.
"That's the best fucking idea I've ever heard," he rasped, pure desire coating his voice.
Suddenly the door in front of me wrenched open and Edward was there – intense and hungry. His eyes locked onto mine and everything else in the world faded to grey except for him.
Oh, dear Lord. He's here.
My breathing stopped, and simultaneously, our phones fell to the carpeted floor with quiet thuds.
"God, Bella," he groaned, his eyes dark and stormy.
"Edward?" I breathed, still shocked at seeing him standing just inside the door.
A rough moan rumbled out of him as he strode over to me, pressing me into the wall as his hot mouth covered mine - immediately hungry and demanding - his hands holding my face as our desperate need exploded between us.
My hands went to his waist, slipping quickly under his t-shirt, caressing the skin just above the waist-band of his jeans, snaking around and pushing up to grasp the firm muscles of his back as the weight of his body pressed me into the wall.
He moaned as my fingernails scraped roughly down his back, my fingers grasping and desperate as my body blazed and pulsed beneath him. He reached down to cup my ass, his large hands grabbing me and lifting me up, aligning our pelvises as I wrapped my legs around his waist.
God, this isn't real. How is he here?
Jesus, Swan, you're going to question it? Can you not feel what he's doing with his tongue? Shut up and enjoy yourself.
He pushed into me and I gasped, white-light and sparks of pleasure shooting through me as he ground his erection against me, his mouth still open against mine, our tongues moving across each other frantically.
Finally, he pulled away, rubbing his thumb against my cheek as his dark eyes searched mine, his breathing uneven and sweet across my flushed face.
"You're here," I gasped in amazement.
He kissed me again, stealing what little breath I had, thrusting his tongue against mine with frantic need, his body pressing into me in the most delicious way imaginable.
He pulled back and leaned his forehead on mind, panting and breathless and perfect.
"I couldn't stay away."
***
Author's Notes
Ok, so let me just say this before you all kill me, THEY WILL BE HAVING TEH SEX NEXT CHAPTER. White-hot, multi-positional, poly-orgasmic sex. The cock-block embargo has officially been lifted. I'm still tossing up whether to do it in EPOV. Thoughts? Comments?
Please review. Reviews make me smile like an idiot and I value each and every one.
Love you all!!
Kiya x
