Dear Diary,

I have completed 19 A rank missions and 10 S rank missions. I have done missions ranging from assassinating the Earth Daimyo's new born son to taking a cow census. (by the way, there are 113,409 cows in the whole of fire country. Just thought I'd let you know)

But nothing, I repeat, nothing has prepared me for this.

Jiraiya-sensei sent me a draft for his latest novel. I decided 'why not?' and was about to start reading it when Uzumaki-san came over. I opened the door and let me tell you, I was surprised and nearly had a hard on—I mean heart attack when I saw her standing there. Recall that she hasn't been talking to me and purposely avoiding me.

The first thing she did was punch me in the gut and told me in no uncertain terms that she 'didn't need protection dattebane!' and that she had 'killer moves just waiting to be unleashed!' and that I shouldn't get cocky and that she didn't owe me 'anything Namikaze!'

I was so happy she dropped by, I didn't even hear her for the first couple of seconds. Then she grabbed me by the arm and literally dragged me to this newly opened ramen stand that I'd been planning on visiting but never got around to. Just so you know, THE RAMEN TASTED AWESOME!

But anyway, Uzumaki-san told me that since she owed me 'for your kindness only!', she'd pay just this once. I would have told her that I'd pay, but then I realized that this was the closest she would get to thanking me and I didn't want to ruin it. But what I didn't notice was that I'd never put the draft down. That and I was wearing no pants. Just an embarrassing pair of boxers that no one would have noticed if Hiashi hadn't been passing by and asked me what the hell I meant by this.

If I had any illusions left of his gayness, they were all gone. Uzumaki-san of course, laughed her head off and I'd never heard anything more beautiful (I don't understand why Inoichi calls it a walrus' mating call though…).

I became red with embarrassment and Uzumaki-san took pity on me and we both decided to buy me a pair of pants. I've learnt something new. Uzumaki-san hates shopping. I expected it but now my suspicions have been confirmed. She grabbed the first pair of pants in the first store we went to and handed it to the 'money-taking guy' and 'run Minato RUN!' when she realized I didn't have enough money for it because my wallet was in my pant pocket which was at home. I wore the pants and I swear I'll pay the cashier back someday.

Throughout this whole fiasco, I still held that blasted piece of literature in my hand.

We went to her house because it was closer and it was a veritable mess! I kind of expected unorganized, but it looked like Iwa-nin had ransacked the place. I told her it might be likely that they had and she went red and told me to 'SHUT UP DATTEBANE!' and told me in no hard-to-understand words that if I so much as whispered about this place, she'd kill me.

An ANBU versus a Chunin. Do I believe her? Yes I do.

And then I put the draft down and waited for her to make me some tea. I would have said it's okay but she said 'My mom told me you should always offer tea to guests. I don't care if you don't like tea or even if you're allergic to it. I'm making tea and you'd better damn well drink it!'

I prefer coffee but I didn't tell her that. I thanked her for the amazing tea (really, she's really good at making it. I learnt another new thing!) and for the ramen and for helping me with the lack of pants( she started choking on her tea when I said this. Did I say something weird?) and I hoped we could do this again. Without the craziness.

She said of course. That's what friends do 'you idiot!'

I was on cloud nine. Still am of I think about it.

But then she saw the draft. And she started reading it. And she asked me whether I wrote this in a quiet, weird, deadly voice. I said no, Jiraiya-sensei wrote it.

She said oh! And I was relieved to see she was relieved. She gave me the draft and told me to burn it. I promised her I would.

And I did. After reading the first page that began with 'The cover of nightful did nothing to hide her milky white limbs and the curve of her breast—'

I will kill Jiraiya-sensei. I really will.

Namikaze Minato