The missing lifeline

(Little note beforehand; only the first and last paragraph are present time, but it was too much trouble putting everything else in cursive because of a phonecall. So yeah, first and last paragraph are like wednesday evening/night, everything in between is wednesday morning/afternoon, you may continue)


'You're having a rough day, aren't you? Did Killua agitate you so much?' After all the dealings of today, it was good that I was spending time away from the institution. But it weren't necessarily the dealings of this morning's session that were bothering me.

'Why are you still here?'

'You still look on edge, I thought I'd stay.' I looked around at the man next to me on the bed. Dealings after session had given rise to an escalation of the problem that started Monday morning – that I'd lost time.

'I'll be less "on edge" with you gone.' I set my feet back on the ground when Chrollo started moving away.

'I'll get dressed then.' Somewhere after the session this morning with Killua, there'd been an instant where we three met, and during conversation Killua snapped and wanted to attack me. Chrollo had taken this opportunity to interfere and touch me. I don't remember what happened after, or how I'd gotten here. I quickly need to find out why it's escalating this much, it's dangerous to be this vulnerable and especially now. Hisoka is still busy with Feitan, I can't have this now.

I will have to find out what caused the loss of time four years ago then.

'Are you sure you're completely with it again?' Before getting off the bed, he'd crawled back towards me and sat with his knees on either side of me, wanting to stroke his hands over my skin around my waist, and breathed those words in my ear. Unfortunately he was away by the time I'd raised my hand to punch his face in. 'I still have some time, but it seems you're back. Do you remember anything from three this afternoon?' No I didn't.

'I suggest you get dressed and walk out of my house before you'll have to drag your limp body out the door.'

'You're too vulnerable at this point to make valid threats. But I don't mind leaving you alone at this point. I'm taking my leave.' He's unaware of my complete set of skills, and I believe I am always a match; unfortunately I'm unaware of his skill level as well. 'I will include today's happenings in the reports so you can read through them. Feel free to ask for confirmation of it from Hisoka, looking at the footage from his surveillance. I believe you need to focus on yourself before continuing Killua's case this Friday.'

'I will take a look at Hisoka's footage, no need to write about it.' I don't need your manipulated words.

'Thank you for sparing me the work.' He slid into his jacket a second after, and left the room without looking back. I still saw the plastered smile on his face and a glimpse of his calculating eyes when he turned the corner though. I lifted my left arm and moved all of my fingers to check for injuries, repeating on the other side and eventually standing up to check all of my other joints. There seemed to be no gashes, and no breaks. This is the cleanest I've ever come out of a trigger. With Hisoka around with almost all of my triggers, it's no wonder I never come out of my triggers unscathed though.


Yes, it still bothered me. I didn't like that somewhere subconsciously I didn't hate Illumi wholeheartedly when my senses told me I should. That's also why training last night had been awkward. Even though I willed it into non-existence, apparently it wouldn't go away completely, and interfered with my productivity. I've never been so ashamed of my physical performance since I started training. This needs to stop before I embarrass myself to death. I've pushed myself further on my own every moment Illumi isn't doing this. Physical training is about all I have left now to get some peace in my mind and distance from everything, I need to keep it that way; I don't really feel like getting to know the consequences of my parents if I kill someone here. But everyone below level 4 is so easy to challenge.

The only comfort about all of this, is that even though I don't seem to hate Illumi completely, I can't say I feel anything else about him – my body is deluding itself for some reason.

'What do you want to talk about first? Because you refused a lot of topics last Monday.' I scowled at the man in front of me, and glanced over at Chrollo sitting behind his desk – listening. Although there were indications I was getting closer to Illumi, he wasn't doing anything. But he didn't look displeased either. Made me wonder what his plan actually was.

I sighed when I reminded myself this wasn't my problem anymore. It's hard letting it go when I still hate him for everything's he's said and done. He's the cause of why I can't get out early anymore. I want him to suffer… but if I do that, dad will have my head… I have to leave him alone. It won't get Gon out of captivity earlier if I do this either. If anything, I'd be screwing up even more. I can't do that…

'Last Monday wasn't exactly the best day of my life, so no I didn't really feel like talking.' I rolled my eyes at Illumi when I responded, and looked away again, past Chrollo and through the window. It hadn't snowed in a couple of days, and the thin layer still there seemed to slowly be disappearing. It'd been a harsh winter, but not a long one apparently.

'It's Wednesday now, and yesterday's training still proved a lot of discomfort. I'll force you to talk about our sexual activities Monday if you're going to avoid it again today.' I squinted my eyes at the outside world. 'I'm not someone who tolerates being touched when it's not needed. So either you convince me you're not going to do that anymore, or I will convince you of it.'

'It was barely a touch.' I muttered under my breath, and set my elbow on the armrest so I could lean my head on my hand. It's not like I want anything to do with you anymore, I only have to tolerate you. Actually agitating you is nowhere near my goals.

'You subconsciously stroke your hand through my hair before session Monday. You lay a hand on my shoulder after session when I was still sitting. You held on longer to my waist than was needed yesterday. You had the same inclination to touch my hair again just now.' Why thank you so much for repeating all that out loud. Killua Zoldyck, prodigy assassin, knocked off his senses by a Deliverer. As if my current situation wasn't bad enough already. I want to beat the living shit out of you, not fucking touch you. 'If you want it or not, there are psychological consequences to physical actions like this.' Doesn't affect you though. 'With your upbringing I didn't believe it would have this kind of effect. But something seems to have been started up in your body. What do you-'

'I fucking understand!' I closed my eyes and raised my voice, still not turning my head towards him. 'Do we really have to talk about it? I'll learn to suppress it over the next couple of days.' I opened my eyes again, and saw that Chrollo had started working a little.

'Can you convince me you that by next week you won't subconsciously touch me anymore?' He sounded unconvinced, and I couldn't blame him. 'Should we test it right now?' I did turn my head when I heard him stand up, and he stopped in front of me. He came to eyelevel when bending over and bringing his head close to mine. You have a long neck, you know that? I scolded myself when I noticed the thought. Meanwhile, those black eyes were staring straight through me. I saw some strands of hair slip down over his shoulder, and it fell lightly against my leg. I felt my hand wanted to move. I'll rip it right out of your head next time. It agitated me that I was actually having trouble with this while I felt dead inside considering what I've done to Gon.

At that thought my resistance hardened a little,

'Isn't it more important to focus on how Chrollo made everything we've built up these last weeks null-and-void? He just definitively destroyed the only friendship I ever had, and he constantly tries to put you in a trigger. Can we talk about how I want him off the case? Because he hasn't done anything to help me in this godforsaken place.' The words were loud, but my volume hadn't raised. Illumi simply inclined his head when responding,

'You know you have no say in the workings of this institution. Requesting Chrollo off the case means absolutely nothing, coming from you.' Well thank you for clearing that up. 'My preference is working without him as well. But as long as Zeno decides he needs to be here, he will be here.'

'So you're just as powerless as I am.' I felt a little joy over that.

'I still have the possibility to persuade Zeno, you do not.'

'I don't, but I do have the possibility to persuade you, and through you I could persuade Zeno.'

'The chances of you persuading me are near zero.'

'Even when the goals align?'

'Your methods are not mine. Our goals aligning means nothing.' When I couldn't find a counter argument within the second, I started to feel a little uncomfortable by his proximity. I was far from being at my best, and I could feel I was being an open book to both of them. 'So no, we're not talking about how Chrollo is greatly responsible for creating this situation. And you're not convincing me that you're going to be able to get your body under control by yourself before next week.' When he straightened his body after those words, I felt his hair gliding through my fingers again, and I looked down at my hand, scolding it for betraying me. I am not this way! I am almost a professional assassin! I have goddamn control over my body! I have trained for ten years, that will not be null-and-voided by being jacked off once, damn it!

… …

I need to beat the shit out of someone – preferably you guys, but that's not going to happen – before I'm gonna make myself crazy with this bullshit.

'Fine, what do you want to know.' It came out strained, and I watched him walk back to his chair. My body really is desperate for contact if my it's acting this way. No way in hell that I'm going to act on it, though. Having contact with these guys is worse than having no contact at all.

'On a scale of a hundred percent, what is your amount of physical stress, and what is the amount of mental fatigue?' He calmly sat back down.

'30/70.'

'Putting that 30 to a hundred again, how much of it belongs to frustration of your plan failing, and how much to having done things you didn't want to.'

'Frustration of failing is mostly in the fatigue category. About 80 percent of stress is because I've done things I didn't want to, and 20 percent belongs to having this faint feeling I can still do something even though I can't.' A part of me refuses to give up. A part of me keeps believing I could still remain friends with Gon afterwards and not endanger his family anymore, 'And yes, of that 80, a hundred percent is having to do sexual acts with you.'

'Your body seemed to disagree with that last sentence.' I narrowed my eyes some more at him. 'You're misunderstanding.' Of course I am, 'You were stressed at the time you had to perform these acts because it's not something you're accustomed to. But even then, your body accepted it because you've had to do training your mind didn't want to all your life.' Don't remind me… 'Point is, that during your lifelong training you've conditioned your body to accept the outcome, no matter what it was put through. This is also what happened when I started touching you last Monday. You were hard in no time.' I opened my eyes wide in threat and shock, and felt a chill climb up my spine that raised all the hairs on my body. If I'd been a cat, my tail would've been puffed completely that very second.

'Your stress is not from what you've had to do, your stress is from being unable to stop your body accepting that kind of touch as well. You've absorbed the feeling, and apparently it can't stop until it's perfected or completed one thing or the other.' I felt my fingers starting to claw their way into my leg. He looked down at that action. 'Judging from your reaction, I seem to be correct.'

'Continuing from your words, the only way to get it out of his subconscious and into his permanent system where he can control it, would be to complete the sexual act, wouldn't it?' I had to retract my fingers when my nails dug up a little spray of blood when Chrollo said that. You guys stay the fuck away from me! Not being allowed to kill you does not mean I won't try when you're going to do that!

'It's either that, or his fight training is intensified to the point his body forgets it ever did anything of the sort.' Yes please, let's just do that.

'Beating it out of him, what a classic method.'

'It will work because of how his body is programmed, and at least with that, he's taught something useful. But seeing as Killua clearly understands all of this, I'm opting to bandage his leg first before his blood reaches the couch.'

'That would be grand.' I brought out with gritted teeth, but in a small panic moment of the wound being high on my upper leg, I may or may not have ripped off the biggest part of that trouser leg to avoid the pants having to come off. Illumi stopped a moment when I did that. I closed my eyes when I realized I was indeed embarrassing myself to death today. Outside I was acting like I just did the most normal thing in the world, but inside I was crying a waterfall.

'After this, we'll handle the 70% fatigue.'

'Agreed.' I didn't look at him the entire time my leg was in his hands. This was way too reminiscent of just before I came here, of when Gon had started changing the bandage around my leg after a little struggle in the snow. I don't want to believe this month are the last memories I'll have of him… I remembered back then Chrollo had asked how my last day of freedom had been…

My actual last day of freedom was last Sunday. Now my dad's influence reaches here as well. I'm being controlled from all sides, and there seems to be no way out without either hurting myself, or Gon even further. Yeah, no, it's not exactly strange I'm exhausting myself with extra training.

I opened my eyes to nothingness as soon as I felt the bandage against my skin. Up until Illumi "killed" Gon instead of me, the sad thing was that I'd had more freedom here than at home. I hadn't been able to deal with that, had I… Dealing with my own dreams, desperately grasping at them and failing at keeping them within reach…

'Your estimate between stress and fatigue seems to be accurate.' I looked down at Illumi when he finished the bandaging. 'Before we continue on this, first you need to consult yourself. Do you really still have the dream of leading both lives, or are you just saying so to save Gon's family?' One answer is selfish, the other sacrificing… but I don't really know anymore, do I. Hisoka might as well have had a point that it would've been easier for me if I'd killed Ging properly. What kind of friend does that even make me?


'You really know how to hit a nerve with the boy, don't you?'

'That's my job.' I can only hit the nerve so well because Killua's desperate for contact now that Gon's gone, and for some reason he's subconsciously chosen me to have it with.

'And you're so good in doing it, it's delicious. If you didn't have your defect, I would fear for my position as top psychologist.' He licked his lips,

'My defect is why I'm here.'

'I'll get the footage. Just be sure that if you decide to finish the act with Killua after all, you do it somewhere I can see it.'

'If it would happen in this institution it's impossible to avoid your surveillance either way.'

'So very true~.' In a rare moment of Hisoka having time away from Feitan – he still attends group session, we've pulled Killua out of that particular group – he called me over if I was still interested in seeing what happened in the time I'd lost last Monday.

'Is Feitan calming down yet?' He spread some discs in his hand out like a fan before finding the one he needed. He put the others away before answering,

'My, Illumi, anyone who doesn't know you would think you're being sympathetic or even engaging in small-talk.'

'You know better than that.'

'So to answer your question if I have time again to either keep Chrollo away from you, or investigate him… the answer is no.' He slid the disc into his pc, looking up at me very intently, 'I do have the time for some other, less brain-power consuming activities though.'

'Even if the building would be burning down you'd have time for that.' His grin widened,

'So very true.'

'The same doesn't apply to me.'

'Sadly, also very true.' He turned his eyes back to the screen, and clicked and ticked a couple of things before turning it around so I could take a look. 'This is from the moment you entered the bathroom.'

'Silva Zoldyck is in possession of these images as well?' He paused for a second to answer,

'He has struck up a deal with Zeno, he will not pursue you for anything.' I would like to know what kind of deal then. Hisoka does seem to be a messenger between these two people, but asking him for information was futile. Whatever I'd do to him to extract information, he would only enjoy.

Together with that I am unable to perform torture on the redhead until he's out of the trigger zone again. That will most probably take too long.

He ticked the play button again with one of his long nails, and let me look at it for a while. His attention was only on me.

'What do you see?' I examined the entire screen for abnormalities, and fast forwarded when I didn't find any.

'Nothing. I'm frozen in my place. This footage is unchanged?'

'Yes it is.' He almost purred. Somehow he seemed pleased with my answer. I don't understand why, there's nothing to interpret from these images. Only that it's peculiar I ended up with a small wound near my lip. 'Do you remember what happened when you lost time four years ago?' His voice was dripping with interest.

'I don't.'

'Who was near you before it happened.'

'… I don't remember.' This happened just before meeting Hisoka. I would've liked if I knew him a little earlier, I would have footage of what happened back then.

'What happened after?'

'I was some place I didn't know in the middle of the night, with blood and cuts on my hands.' My hair had also notably grown. So I had probably been in it for at least a month.

'Well, there seems to be a big difference between then and now, doesn't there?' This was disconcerting. What's happening that's causing it? This lack of understanding needs to be fixed. I really need to start examining that liquid Chrollo had given me.


'I hadn't expected a phone call from you, what's the matter?' Over four days… it's only been that short, but it's already hard. There's no Gon to talk to anymore, there's no parents calling me, I haven't had actual contact for more than four days; and it's driven me to extreme physical training. A couple of years ago lack of contact wouldn't have been a problem, but with the prospect of no real contact anymore for the rest of my life, these last couple of days had felt really long; I needed to talk to someone to put some perspective in it. Sadly, Kurapika was the only one I knew I could call for that. Thank you for forcing me to socialize last week, Gon, else I wouldn't have had anyone and I'd just be stuck with the shrinks suggesting I have sex with them. The thought still made me shudder.

'Sorry if I'm bothering you, I just need to tell you one thing.'

'Has something gone wrong?' I shook my head a little, and took small, lazy steps around the room,

'No, Chrollo and Illumi are still apart, but you can't rely on me anymore to keep it that way.'

'Why not? What happened?' I gave a brief explanation of what he needed to know. He was quick to respond after, 'My apologies, I never intended to put you in the middle of this mess. You do understand that because you're the patient of both of them you're in the perfect position to interfere?'

'There's nothing in it for me, I'm not doing this anymore. You'll have to rely on Hisoka from now on.' After that, a short silence did fall. 'You're trying to find a reason for me to continue, aren't you? Besides me being their patient, is there another reason why I need to be the one to interfere?' Although he seems to be a good person, I know next to nothing about the blonde. The only logical reason that I trust he keeps the secrets, is that he apparently already knows everything about this world.

'That's… I can't answer that at this point, I'm sorry.' Although a sincere apology, that doesn't make you less suspicious.

'Then I won't continue.' No motive, no help. I don't have the energy for something inconclusive.

'I'm sorry to hear that. Can I just give some supporting words instead then?'

'Shoot.' I leaned my back against the wall and crossed my feet. There was something soothing about his voice that I didn't object to listening to him.

'You sound like you've lost all hope, am I wrong?'

'… …' He took my silence as confirmation. I am about to lose all hope, yes, thank you for reminding me,

'There's no need to. I know it's not your first choice, but hear me out. Illumi's willing to give Gon a message, willing to train you, and teaching you psychological norms; this all the while he's fending Chrollo off by himself. He probably gave you a lot of logical reasons of why he's doing this, but you must realize he's going out of his way for you.' This is supposed to make me feel better? Contact with that manipulative bastard? My eyes still turned to stare into nothingness when he mentioned this. I do remember Hisoka once asking that if Illumi doesn't want any contact, why Chrollo sees me as a threat.

So on some subconscious level, Illumi does want contact? Fuck you and your session this morning then.

'Why, in the ever-loving hell, does he want contact with me specifically? He's known Hisoka longer, why not him?' Besides all this, apart from my body begging for contact, there's nothing else inside of me that's asking for it.

'I… can't tell you from the limited contact we've had.' I guess that was asking for too much… 'What I have understood is that every Monday was the day Gon came to visit, right? Is there someone else to fill that hole for you?'

'Think about my profession and take a wild guess.' I answered exasperated. 'And why do you even care about it?'

'I can't give you the time Gon did, but are you objecting to me visiting?' Oy,

'Why would you? You're more interested in taking Chrollo down for some unknown reason. Why not make appointments with either of my shrinks instead then?'

'You're not going to accept this kindness without a reason, are you?'

'No.' You should know I don't.

'… The more sane you are, the less of a chance Chrollo has with Illumi.'

'Because for some strange reason Illumi is inclined to me?'

'Aren't you to him?' I thought back on session this morning more vividly, and felt some anger rising of my body betraying me, 'Of all the people that have ever been in your life, aside from Gon, has there ever been anyone to give you something positive without directly asking something in return?' Oh, and now you're repeating the words Gon's voice'd said in my head?! So now there's people giving me physiological and psychological explanations on why I should feel inclined to that Mental Breaker. I can't help but feel anger towards all of it, but I subdued it in order to answer normally.

'… Fine. I'll discuss it with them later today.' I grunted a little when I heard a kind, amused laugh coming from the other side of the line. 'What?!'

'Nothing. You're a nice kid, I like talking with just sound so unhappy about all of it, but all you really want is uncomplicated contact, it can be really simple.' My face turned red a little. I have killed 93 people, you know I've killed, and you're calling me a nice kid? What kind of weird life do you have? 'Granted that I can't wholeheartedly recommend to deepen contact with someone like Illumi, it's just to give you the feeling there's people there not out to destroy you. By the way, is it possible for the visits to be on Saturdays? It's more compatible with work then.'

'I'll ask.' Dude, you're not scared of the world of assassins and deliverers, you apparently have had your life ruined by Chrollo, how do you still sound so open and honest?

'Do you want to talk about anything else? I have a couple minutes left.'

'Nah, I don't want to blow all my minutes today. You'll hear about the visits soon enough.' Not that I have anyone else to spend the minutes on…

'Thank you, I'm looking forward to it.' When I hung up, I felt a kind of anxiety filling me, and my hand started shaking a little. Four days… four days have I been without a ways out, and I've been trying to reject my old life ever since without any hope for change. I hadn't even noticed I'd been rejecting it so much, I thought I'd already given up… If I haven't, then some human contact will do me good. Kurapika seems to be human… He will have to give me some more information on himself if he wants me to relax around him, though. So basically he's still using me, just not in my disadvantage anymore.

I really, really don't want to admit that Gon, Kurapika, Chrollo and Hisoka are correct that me and Illumi are somehow socially linked now though…

… …

I just listed off four persons that had said the exact same thing, didn't I? I gave that realization the best glare I could. This is the person that had no trouble touching me for his own goal as well, the person that doesn't show emotion and gets triggered when interest and intellect meet. A guy that can murder and mutilate or rape you when he's in a trigger like that. A guy that's still a Mental Breaker and picks persons brains to find psychological weaknesses to exploit. A Deliverer that's both our main supplier and biggest enemy.

Oh yeah, no reason at all to not get myself linked to him.

That method of beating it out of me better work goddamn well.

I walked out the room and lazily threw the phone back at the desk lady. The beating out of me would start tonight. Next to leading the three hour sessions four times a week and analyzing that data, having another patient and trying to get Chrollo off his case, Illumi will be training me two hours every day.

… … Goddamnit I really want to deny it, but that guy is so involved with me by now, it's stupid of me to do. It'll cost less energy if I just accept he has some weird connection to me.

It doesn't really matter anyway, it'll be beaten out of me, and he'll just ignore it.

Pouting, I pocketed my hands and walked back to one of the common rooms to get some time on my laptop. I passed some lower level patients here and there, but they all steered clear of me by now. These people don't have common sense, so it's probably because of rumors. I wonder if I'm the cause for some patients getting worse out of fear. That would be neat.

I got the spiderbox out my pocket again, and started absentmindedly turning and observing it in my hand. It had a good seal, 'cos it really felt like there was some kind of liquid inside…

I started thinking, if I'm a level 5, Feitan is as well, then Illumi would be a level 6; he has this extra level of danger because of his poker face analyses and manipulation. Hisoka's a level higher in danger; he can tell you about anything, and you will believe him. You never really know if he's hiding something unless you have extended contact, or he wants you to know. I don't want to put Chrollo above him though. He's good at manipulating, and his analyses are troublesome to Illumi, but if Illumi wouldn't have his defect he would have a harder time getting close to him. Plus, he can't seem to get past Hisoka. So Chrollo's a 6,5? That sounds about right. Hisoka's definitely the most dangerous if he wants to be. I'd put Illumi on the same level were it not for his defect.

Speak of the fucking devil.

I stopped looking at the box when I saw Chrollo walking towards me. Instinctively I wanted to put it away immediately, but he most probably'd already seen it so I just ignored him and wanted to walk past him.

99 out of a 100 times, Chrollo would just let me do that, but today was time for that one in a hundred chance.

He snatched the little box off my hand and pushed his free fingers against my chest to stop me in my tracks. For the first time I've been here, I actually felt a physical threat from him.

He switched the box to his other hand, and lay his free hand on my shoulder to keep me there. Against better judgment, I looked up at his face.

'I heard from Zeno you'd been allowed to bring something here. You've been avoiding the subject adamantly today and Monday. Is there a reason you don't want us to know about it?' Ignoring the physical threat, I simply raised my hand waiting for him to give it back.

'It's none of your concern.' It came out even more spiteful than it had sounded in my head, but Chrollo paid it no heed. He turned it around in his hand, and stopped a little longer when he could see the picture of the spider.

'Everything influencing your behavior concerns us. You found it at an abandoned house your father brought you to?'

'Where he told me to keep it. After last Monday I don't think he's too keen on giving you the leeway to take it from me.' I never dropped my hand or my eyes. The look of interest he sent my way when finally giving me attention though, had me freeze me in my place for a moment. That was possessiveness in his eyes.

'I think you're completely right on that. I'd love to hear about the contents someday though.' He ticked one finger on the lid before slowly turning his hand around to let it fall back onto mine.

'Are you resorting to bullying now, Chrollo?' I turned my eyes when I heard Illumi's voice in front of me; Chrollo's hand never left my shoulder, and the threat was still very much there.

'You should know me better than that, Illumi. I was merely showing interest in the box he's been allowed to take in here.'

'Then you can let go of him now, can't you?' Forget Chrollo's threat for me, Illumi's threat to Chrollo was way more intimidating.

Wait…

Was Illumi protecting me?

This just confirms everything everyone's been saying, doesn't it… I sighed a little when I realized that.

'It's alright, I already have it back.' I showed it for a second before pocketing it again. 'Training's at eight, right?'

'Be prepared to stay longer than ten, you will need to be treated afterwards.' Good, then you're taking it very seriously. 'And I need to add that you've indeed been given permission to take that box here, but there's no rule that we're not allowed to examine it for ourselves. With or without permission.' Well there goes that protection.

'You're both not laying a finger on it.' I pulled my voice out a bit more, and Chrollo's hand slipped from my shoulder.

'Why is it so precious to you?'

'Why are you both obsessing over it?' I took a stronger stance in front of Illumi, and Chrollo took a place next to him. Why're you allowing that proximity? 'Oh~ I think I understand now.' I started grinning again when I realized, 'Zeno's never allowed this before, has he? On top of that, he allowed me to take a detour unsupervised. It's killing you that you don't understand. And by you, I mean Illumi. Because you clearly recognized the mark on it.' I turned my eyes from Illumi to Chrollo. Neither reacted physically, but I knew I was right. This was actually quite interesting, if Chrollo knew the mark, that gave a sign to his history. Is that why dad let me take it with me? Has he already found a clue to this history? I don't have to research it, but somewhere I really, really want to find out who this guy is so I can subtly break him these remaining five months.

'You're right, it's out of the ordinary. But so is your attention for it. Are you using it as a distraction for dealing with the loss of Gon in your life?'

'No, I'll be using Kurapika for that.' I snided back at him, not really appreciating the choice in words. He cocked his head at me,

'Kurapika will be visiting from now on instead of Gon?'

'If that's okay with you of course.' I mentioned sarcastically. I glanced back to Chrollo for a moment, but all interest had already been wiped from his face. I'm not surprised that whatever he's done to Kurapika doesn't affect him at all.

'We'll petition a background check, you'll hear by tomorrow.'

'He prefers Saturdays.'

'The day is not a problem.' Illumi really was trusting of Chrollo that he wasn't going to trigger him. He must've gotten extra safety measures against that.

I wanted to stalk off when everything'd been said, and was almost in the clear, but of course it wouldn't end this well. Why should it.

'We will be talking about that box on Friday. You won't be granted giving a message to Gon otherwise.' My instincts told me to ram my fist into Illumi's stomach, and it was well underway, but I was stopped before it could connect. A second later I could hear the man's heart starting to pump out of his chest before it almost completely died down. I looked up at his face, but I was knocked out swiftly. God fucking damnit, what the hell is happening to that guy?!


'Oh my dear Illumi, so it is true what the images in front of me are showing.' I tried calling Hisoka on his cellphone first, but after getting no response, I called the phone in his office. It was three in the morning, Feitan really was giving him much trouble.

'What are you seeing?' I had a great need to know what happened this afternoon that caused the time loss. I am too vulnerable.

'Do you want me to send the footage through to you? I'll have it ready in a moment.'

'No need, I will be there in two hours. I just need a summary now.'

'Hm~ you remember being triggered?'

'Yes.' I could feel his amusement through the phone,

'You'll have to see the consequences for yourself when you get here~'

'I am not in the mood for games, Hisoka.'

'How unfortunate, because I am.'


A/N

ermahgerd stuff is happening xD
To anyone in need of a summary - which I can understand, cos I reread my own work a thousand times - here we go;

Killua's own dreams have been taken from him because his dad controls him now even at the institution (which takes away any freedom he did have)
Killua's body is more trained than his mind, and his subconscious mind is telling him he needs to take example of the least dangerous person that knows how to survive - that person being Illumi
No matter how much Killua hates them, he can't do anything without feeling the consequences from his dad, and he's slowly trying to lay himself down with that situation (or is he)
Gon is in some kind of hocus pocus underground place of the institution.
Illumi has now had three time losses: 1. Four years ago; 2. Last Monday; 3. Just now.
There is a good reason Kurapika wants Illumi and Chrollo apart, but it hasn't been said yet.
Hisoka's technically not on anyone's side, he just plays it out the way is most interesting for him.
Hm... anything else...?
Nobody knows anything about Chrollo's past yet, don't have to worry about that, I've got something good planned for that.
There's cooperation between Zeno and Silva through Hisoka - these three have the complete picture in their head (Well, Silva will have, very soon)

If there's anything more, just PM me, I have a long history of not biting. I'm more like those useless guard dogs that lick the burglars to death instead of barking xD

Ps. It warms my heart to know I've addicted someone to this pairing. And it seriously warms me to hear someone loving the story so much.