A/N: Thank you for all your reviews guys (: It means a looooot (:
A few more chapters to go. But…. I've decided on a sequel! XD I'm excited already!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Renee called me two days later to tell me Phil had still not come home. She had tried contacting him, or his friends, but no one knew where he was. Charlie and I tried to calm her, telling her he must just be in a hotel somewhere, thinking things through. She didn't become any more calm.
"Anything?" Charlie and I asked over the phone, on the 30th of December.
"Nothing!" Renee wailed hysterically. "I'm going to call the police. I can't take this anymore."
"Renee… involving the police in a case like this is a big deal." The Chief of Police said into the phone, his ex-husband roll dropping into his authority's one. "You should treat this carefully."
"I've been treating this carefully for the past four days, Charlie!" Renee retorted. "I don't care what you say, I'm calling the police to look for him. And that's final." She hung up.
Charlie and I looked at each other, worried.
"We can't order her around." Charlie said finally. "She's a grown woman, and she can make her own choices. We have to respect that."
I nodded and walked upstairs to my room to update the Cullen's on the latest happenings.
"Renee is calling the police." I told Edward over the phone. "No one has heard from Phil for almost five days, so maybe this is the right thing to do."
"I can see the worry." Edward said. "If this was you, I would have called the police the moment you stepped out the door."
I sighed. "I know. I'm just so worried for Renee. And Phil. What if something has happened to him?"
"I'm sure he's fine."
I sighed again. Everyone had been telling me that for the past five days, and it never helped one bit. Since Christmas, things seemed to have gone from bad to worse.
Little did I know, the worst was yet to come.
Renee called two days later to report Phil had been in a car accident.
"They found him on the side of the road, bleeding to death!" Renee sobbed into the phone, as a very concerned Charlie and I listened, our hearts breaking at the sound of this fragile women's sadness. "Apparently he was driving so fast, and he hit a tree! A tree!"
"It's ok, Mom, people come out of car accidents all the time." I tried to soothe her.
"No, they don't! He's in hospital, but he's practically in a coma! The car twisted around the damn tree like a pretzel! They needed the Jaws of Life! He's going to die, Bella! What will I do? How will I –"
"Mom." I stopped her before she became anymore hysterical. "He isn't going to die. Just calm down."
"How do you know that, Bella? How can you be so sure?"
"Bella's right." Charlie cut in. "He won't die. We have good doctors these days. They can do all sorts of things with medicine."
"I don't know. They're not supermen. Who knows what's going to happen." She took a deep breath. "I have to get back to the hospital. I'll let you know what happens."
"Ok. I love you, Mom. Everything is going to be ok." I said.
"Bella's right. Keep your hopes up, and say hi to him for us when he wakes up." Charlie said, shooting me an uneasy look. "Bye Renee."
"Bye." She hung up.
I immediately started shaking my head. "You've seen so many accidents like this, Dad. How can you be so sure Phil's going to make it?"
"I'm not." Charlie frowned and headed to the kitchen. I followed. "I just don't like seeing your Mom upset."
Ugh. Uncomfortable. Awkward. Sometimes I forgot Charlie still had feelings for Renee. I tried to brush it off as easy concern. "I don't either. But I don't want anyone getting her hopes up only to have them fall."
"We're just going to have be strong for her." Charlie said, sitting down at the dining room table. I heated up the Lasagna from the previous day, watching it rotate slowly in the microwave.
We ate in silence, as we have done for the past few nights. Neither of us seemed to know what to say, but we both knew in a lonely hospital somewhere in Phoenix, Phil was on his deathbed, with Renee watching idly by. How could either of us be happy when we knew any of this? We had both just had a wonderful Christmas day with our friends. How had everything turned so… dismal?
I guess Christmas isn't always the time for miracles.
That night, Edward talked with me on the phone instead of coming to my room. We talked for hours about anything but Renee and Phil and Phoenix and accidents – we talked about school, and his family, and ridiculous things like the cost of gas. I was distracted momentarily from the disaster at hand, for which I was grateful. Edward was always the one to make me feel better.
"Alice told me you're having girl troubles." Edward started.
"Edward," I laughed without humor. "Just because you're running out of non disaster-related topics, doesn't mean we need to move on to my personal problems."
"Maybe I can help you as well as distract you." He said.
"Right. Not going to happen." I smiled and rolled over to turn off my bedside lamp. I was shrouded in comfortable darkness. "It's getting late…"
"Of course." He knew what this meant.
I closed my eyes against the tears about to escape, and listened to his singing.
Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooh ooh ooh
They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here, right now
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh, ooh
I fell asleep, listening to his sweet words and praying that Phil will be ok.
Early that morning, Charlie went fishing with Billy Black, and I stayed at home and did my chores. I had been lacking in the area of cooking and laundry lately, so I figured today was a good day to catch up. I got to work quickly, preparing several meals for Charlie that I could freeze for another day. While I was busy sealing the container of Spaghetti Ragu, the phone rang.
I jumped and almost dropped the container of pasta. I ran to get the phone. "Hello?"
"Bella?" Renee whispered, her voice full of despair and tears.
"Oh no, Mom…" My hand froze over my mouth.
"He's gone. He didn't make it." She sobbed, and I had to hold onto the counter to withhold my own tears.
"Mom, I'm so sorry… I…" I couldn't find the words to comfort her, this time. If I had lost someone I loved… if I had lost Edward… no words could possibly make me feel better. Not even apologies.
"They tried all they could." Renee continued to sob. "What am I going to do on my own? I can't… I can't live in that house, knowing that… I just can't…"
"Shh," I hushed her, holding back tears of my own. "It's going to be ok. You're strong. We can make it through this, together. You know we can."
"But you're not here. I'm alone." This just seemed to make her sob harder.
"I can… I can come. I still have a few more days of Winter break left before I have to go to school." I said desperately, not even thinking about the plans Alice had conjured up for the next three days.
"That would be great, Bella. I need help organizing the funeral, anyway." She sniffled.
The funeral. I hated funerals immensely. Rather than showcase the person's life, I felt like they are celebrating their death. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is just how I have always felt.
"Ok. I'll arrange flights today and arrive tomorrow morning. I love you, Mom, I promise everything is going to be ok."
I hung up the phone and dialed Charlie's number. I explained what had happened, and he decided to come straight home and talk with me about it. Then, I called Edward. He told the others and decided they would also come here. It's going to be a pity party.
"He's gone, Charlie." I cried, as my father pulled me into his arms the moment he stepped through the door. The tears I had ignored while talking to Renee now overflowed down my cheeks and dripping off the end of my chin.
"Shh, baby," Charlie rubbed my back. "It's ok. It's ok. He's in a better place."
I continued to cry quietly into Charlie's jacket, realizing that the grief I was feeling was more for my Mother than it was for Phil. How would poor Renee cope on her own? Phil kept her grounded. She loved him more than she ever loved Charlie. Oh God, I only saw them happy together a few months ago! How was I going to help Mom through this?
A few minutes later, Carlisle, Esme, Edward, and Alice arrived. Charlie refused to let go of me, so Edward held tightly onto my hand and Alice hugged me from behind. Carlisle and Esme stood talking to Charlie.
"I'm leaving… in the morning…" I forced through my teeth, to no one in particular, but I knew everyone in the room heard. "Renee needs me. At least right now."
"We understand that." Charlie said, and kissed my hair. Edward squeezed my hand and Alice rubbed my shoulder. "Renee will need all the support she can get."
"Do you mind if I use your phone, Charlie? I'd like to call her." Esme asked, her kind face full of concern and sadness. Charlie nodded and Carlisle and Esme disappeared into the kitchen to call my Mom.
"I'm going to go pack. Dinner is in the kitchen if anyone wants it." I mumbled, pulling away from Charlie and wiping my eyes. I slowly wandered upstairs to my bedroom, and I hadn't realized Edward had followed until the door closed with a soft click.
"Bella, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Edward whispered, crossing the room and immediately pulling me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, the tears overflowing again. I felt him kissing my hair and rubbing my back while I sobbed uncontrollably.
"We only saw him during summer, Edward. He emailed me last week!" I cried hysterically, squeezing my eyes shut in attempt to stop my tears. "Why did things have to end so soon?"
"Shh, it's fate, love. We can't stop it, and we can't control it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He breathed into my ear, sending a wave of shivers through me even at a time like this.
I started to get my breath back at his soothing words. "I know. But it doesn't mean it isn't cruel. Poor Renee. She's the one that's going to suffer the most through all this."
"I know, but we'll be here for her. You're going to Phoenix, to be with her, Bella. That's all you can do." Edward told me, pulling away, keeping his arms around my waist so he could look into my eyes. "Don't hurry back, alright? Be with your Mom. Don't worry about any of us here."
I sighed and nodded. Edward helped me clean up my face and Alice arrived to pack me a bag with things to take to Phoenix. I could hear Esme, Carlisle and Charlie talking downstairs, obviously finished with their conversation with Renee. Suddenly their conversation was cut off when a loud series of bangs sounded.
"Is everything ok?" I heard Emmett's booming voice. "Where's Bella?"
"Upstairs." I heard Charlie answer.
And less than three seconds later, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were in my room with us. Emmett grabbed me in a vice tight hug, and Jasper and Rosalie watched on with sadness in their eyes. Alice continued to pack my bags while I explained to the others what had happened.
"That's horrible." Jasper shook his head.
"Poor Renee." Emmett sighed.
Rosalie remained silent, but I could see that her bottom lip was quivering.
"Your bag is done, Bella." Alice said, her high pitched voice unusually sullen. There was no happy energy or excited squealing. "I've packed enough for a week, just in case your stay is extended. Like Edward said before, don't hurry back. We'll all be here when you get back."
"We're not going anywhere." Edward added, flashing me a tiny smile. I couldn't help returning the favor and smiling back.
My friends all said their goodbyes, and then left around ten-thirty. Carlisle and Esme followed soon after, wishing me the best on my trip. I found it hard to accept when I knew this trip was going to be so hard.
I skipped dinner that night and went straight to bed. Charlie agreed to drive me to the airport in the morning, for which I was grateful. He wished he could come with me, but he said things at the station were hectic, and he didn't have the money for both of us. So I would be the representative for the Forks clan.
Early that morning, Charlie woke me up and I groggily wandered around my room, changing in a daze and then walking downstairs and outside into the rain. Charlie helped me put my things into the cruiser and then drove me to the airport, both of us silent as the rain beat down on the windshield.
When we arrived, I said my goodbyes and was quick to board my plane to Phoenix, Arizona. I sighed as the plane took off, not knowing what I'd be coming back to. Would I be sadder, or… have a piece of mind? I opted for the second one, but I knew the first option would be more likely.
When I landed, Renee was leaning against her car. Her hair hung limply around her blotchy face, and her clothes looked disheveled and days old. I ran to her, pulling her into my arms and letting her cry into her shoulder.
"Mom, shh…" I stroked her back, trying to calm her. There were hundreds of people buzzing around us, but I couldn't care less. "It's ok, I'm here now… it's going to be fine…"
She eventually pulled herself together enough to climb into her car. I let her sit in the passenger seat while I drove, holding my hand. She talked the whole way home, about how she didn't get to say goodbye or I love you. There was nothing I could say that would make her feel better, because I didn't feel the same pain. Yes, I would miss Phil, but I was more worried about my Mom's wellbeing now that he was gone.
I pulled up into the driveway where Edward and I had recently been vacationing. It seemed like yesterday we were lying on the sand at the beach, or sipping juice on the deck. How had things changed so drastically and so quickly?
I carried my bags inside and into the guest room, and then walked into the kitchen to get breakfast. When I looked around, I saw Phil everywhere – a baseball bat leaning against the wall, a picture from the wedding, his sunglass on the table. I reminded myself that I would need to clean up while I was here; having all these painful memories couldn't be easy on Renee.
"What would you like, I'll get you something." Renee said, bustling into the kitchen and opening the cupboards. I put my hands on her wrist to stop her.
"Mom. Sit down. I'll do everything." I looked into her sad, sad eyes, where tears were once again forming. She just nodded and sat at the small table, folding and unfolding her fingers while I made toast with peanut butter. I could see her eyes scanning the room, and then filling with more tears whenever they stopped.
I sighed and sat down beside her, covering her hand with mine. She squeezed my hand and looked at me with blurry eyes, almost bringing me to tears. I hated seeing Renee upset – she suddenly seemed ten years younger. It made me think of the days when I used to see her run out of her and Charlie's room, tears staining her cheeks, more than ten years ago. The memories brought real tears to my eyes, and now she was comforting me.
We spent most of the day crying, eating, and sleeping. It was easy to see Renee hadn't slept nearly enough in the last few days, so I promised her she could sleep while I sat next to her. We slept in the guestroom.
We ate a lot. It seemed we were trying to forget our sorrows by eating, just like in the movies. We talked, but not about Phil – we talked about Edward and the rest of the Cullens, and Charlie, and Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. It had only been four months since we had last been here, but, well… a lot can happen in four months. Especially when it comes to Edward.
"So…" Renee asked. She seemed a little perkier when she wasn't thinking about Phil. "Have you… ?"
I glared. "No."
"Sounds like you want to."
I wanted to say, You know, for a widow, you're unusually annoying, but I knew that would kill her mood and upset her more. I don't think anyone has really come to the conclusion that she is actually a widow now.
"I'm perfectly fine with where we are, and he is too." I silenced her with a small smile. "Enough about Edward. It makes me miss him."
"I'm sorry for dragging you here." She sighed, discarding the bowl of ice cream she was eating and pulling me against her side. "I just… needed…"
"I know, Mom." I rested my head on her shoulder and looked out the window. I could see thousands of stars, and I wondered if Phil was out there somewhere, watching us. The thoughts sent shivers down my spine, and turned away from the window. "It's getting late. We should probably get some… uh, more, sleep."
"You're right." She pulled back the covers and crawled under, though it was fifty degrees outside, and closed her eyes. I followed suit, but slept on top of the blankets beside her. I thought she had fallen asleep in minutes, but then I heard soft sobs and saw her shoulders shaking. I rolled over and put my arm around her, squeezing her hand until she fell asleep.
x-x-x-x
The next day, we got down to business packing and planning. Phil's parents were organizing most of the funeral, which I would missing a day school to attend on behalf of everyone is Forks. Renee took me out to buy some nice clothes for the occasion, which I knew upset her more than I could bear. As soon as we got home, I shoved the clothes away and continued helping her put Phil's things in boxes. She was reluctant, but I told her everything would be here anytime she wanted to look. That seemed to make her better.
That night, I called Charlie and told him everything that we had done and how Renee was. He was concerned, but I assured him that once the funeral was out of the way, Renee would soon go back to her hobbies and forget about Phil. Well, not forget. I doubted she would ever forget.
Then I called Edward, and we talked for what seemed like hours. He told me that everyone missed me and that winter break is nothing without me. I shrugged it off, of course, but it really meant a lot to me.
He offered to fly himself and Charlie to Phoenix, but I declined, knowing this would cost a large amount of money for the Cullen family.
"Edward, you don't need to do that. Stay in Forks." I told him.
"But Bella –"
"No, Edward. You're staying."
He sighed in defeat. "I feel like I should be there with you. I miss you so much."
"I know, I miss you too." I sighed, his words warming my heart. "But I need to be here for her. I'll be home in a few days, anyway."
"Alright. I love you. Bye, Bella."
"Bye Edward." My words became choked up in my throat.
The next day, Renee and I attended the funeral. I had never seen something so beautiful, yet so sad at the same time. Phil's parents had done an immaculate job at decorating the local church, which was filled with teary eyed people.
The last funeral I had been to was Grandma Swan's, but I was only six. I couldn't remember much, plus Renee had shielded me from most of the really sad stuff. Now, I wasn't shielded in the slightest. I was the one shielding this time.
We sat down and listened while the speeches were given. We sat beside Phil's parents, who adored Renee like she was their own daughter. I think it comforted her to have them beside her, knowing that they were going through just as much pain as she was.
The hours passed, and soon everything was finished. All that planning for a few hours. I supposed they honored Phil's life to their best ability – with pictures and stories about his childhood and memorabilia. His baseball team stood up and honored him for the great played and friend that he was. It was heartwarming to see that so many people loved and would miss Phil. Renee would not be the only one.
I noticed on the night after the funeral, Renee was acting strange. Not in the sad, widow way, but in the uncomfortable and nervous way. It concerned me – other than the funeral, why would she be nervous? Of all things to be.
"Mom, are you ok?" I asked her, over our dinner of roast chicken, potatoes and salad. This was my last night here, and I wanted to make things special for her. Or, as special as they could be right now.
"Yes, sweetie, I'm…" She shook her head and pushed her food around her plate. She had barely eaten since I arrived. "I'm just… thinking."
"About what? Talk to me." I took a sip of water from my cup.
She bit her lip. "I was just thinking about what it will be like when you leave. I'll be on my own, in this big house… Both my parents aren't around anymore, and everyone else I know… ?" She trailed off and shook her head.
"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning in confusion. I had put my fork down and was listening intently.
"I mean… you like Forks, don't you?"
"Of course I do."
"I wouldn't want to make you leave Edward, and your friends…"
"Mom." I was confused. "Take a step back. What are you trying to say to me?"
She took a deep breath, still not quite meeting my eyes. "I want you to move back to Phoenix, with your dear old Mom."
The words at first didn't have any effect on me. I felt unusually unaffected, as if my Mom had just told me I needed to return the money I borrowed rather than that I needed to leave the people I loved in Forks.
I looked at her, and saw the anxiety in her eyes. I could almost see that she was pleading with me, saying that she needed me here. How could I say no to her? How could I turn her down, when I knew as soon as I left, she would break down once again?
"I'm sorry, I knew it was a stupid idea." Renee started shaking her head and fussing more with her food. Her voice cracked when she spoke again. "I didn't mean to sound so…"
"It's not stupid." I bit my lip. "It's not stupid at all."
"You don't want to, I understand that." My Mom sighed, tears pricking into her eyes. "You have Edward, and Alice, and Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper…" Her voice broke once again. "Of course you want to stay with them."
"Mom, Mom, Mom," I hurried around to the other side of the table, and wrapped my arms around her frail shoulders. "It's ok, shh… I'll stay, it's ok…"
"You will?" She sobbed, clutching onto my arm as she cried. "Really?"
"I will." I said. I felt like I was on some sort of autopilot. I wasn't thinking about anything but making her feel better. "I'm not going anywhere."
