Ello! Next week is my other exams (not school ones – I've already got the marks back for those), so I won't be able to update as much. After that, well, I've got some time…

Anyway, thanks to all those who gave me this idea, and to all you readers out there.

Caution: The following fanfic is classified T. It contains mild language, mild violence, some sexual references, and lameness. Do not sue me if you get mentally scarred for life. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I hate disclaimers. I am obviously not Stephenie Meyer. Whoever agrees with my hatred for disclaimers raise your hand and say 'Aye!' –Raise hand- Aye…

TDIB: Hello everyone! Due to recent, erm, events –glares at Kythi Ravenswing, TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes, MRAJ and Naomirocks (who is now known as Naomi Cullen)-, we now have more Ninjas and guard dogs patrolling the area, and my new system of ninjas will stop any message and fan girl of any form, so don't use the excuse that I invited you on stage, because I didn't –glares again at Kythi Ravenswing-.

Kythi Ravenswing: -awkward laugh- Hehe, yeah…I was desperate…

TDIB: -shakes head, before continuing- Anyway, the good news is that the glass wall is gone, and you know what that means?

-A tomato was thrown and almost hit TDIB in the face-

TDIB: HEY! NO ATTACKING ME OR ANYONE, OKAY?! –Calms down- Save it for our next guest today. Please give it up for Tyler the Brawny Jock!!!

-The Fans boo and hiss as TBJ saunters on stage with a smirk on his face while flexing his biceps-

TDIB: Hey Tyler! How are you today?

TBJ: Great! I was just in the Gym showers when all the other football players announced that, out of the group, I had the biggest peni-

TDIB: -cuts in quickly- Okay, okay, we get the point…

TBJ: -mumbles to himself- And Bella, oh so sexy Bella, still does not want me. Which girl doesn't want a guy with a big cock?!

TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes: -cough- Show-off –cough-.

Naomi Cullen: I don't!

Kythi Ravenswing: Me too!

TeamVampire: I want Edward!

MRAJ: Jacob's hotter! –Mutters under her breath- Especially when his shirt is off while singing "I'm too Sexy"…

TDIB: Girls! Enough! –Turns back to TBJ- So, what do you think of Edward?

TBJ: -to MRAJ- Who is this Jacob guy?! How could he be hotter than me?! –Points to his manhood- I mean, I've got Big John!

TDIB: Erm, Big…John?

TBJ: -grins- The name of my humongous pen-

TDIB: Too much info alert, too much info alert…

TBJ: -grins- After all, girls, look at me muscles! –Flexes arms into a body builder's pose-

Fans: -shields eyes- EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

TDIB: -gives TBJ a weird look- Can we get back to the interview?!

TBJ: But this is the good part of the interview! –Points to bulging biceps-

TDIB: -cough- Um, anyway…have you ever notice the attention that you're getting from Lauren?

Audience: -boos-

TBJ: Oh, you mean that brown-haired cheerleader with the sexy figure?

TDIB: -cough- Erm, that's Jessica. I mean the one with the corn-silk hair, you know, Jessica's friend?

TBJ: -after five minutes- Oh…you mean the blonde hottie with those boobs that are worthy of the centrefold of Playboy magazine?

TDIB: -with a WTF look- Er…yeah?

TBJ: -rolls eyes- What does she want now?! I've already gave her the best night of her life! Don't tell me that she's preggo now…-Suddenly turns to TDIB- …Wait…is she preggo?!

TDIB: Ah, I can't reply to that question on the basis of the fact that I don't know the answer.

TBJ: -with a confused look- Huh?

TDIB: -shakes head- I don't know that answer…did you use contraception that night?

TBJ: Huh?

TDIB: -sigh- You know, condoms?

TBJ: Are you kidding?! Of course I don't! How can you enjoy se-

TDIB: -cough- Um, maybe that's the reason why Lauren might be pregnant…

TBJ: -mutters to himself- That probably explains her bulging stomach in the past two months…

TDIB: -awkward cough- Hehe, yeah, okay then…So why, like most guys in the school, do you like Bella?

MRAJ: (to Naomi Cullen) He's going to go into that smutty love-at-first sight thing, isn't he?

Naomi Cullen: -whispers back to MRAJ- Yeah, probably…

(Back on stage)

TBJ: From the first time I crashed into Bella's truck, the way that she curved seductively against her red vehicle while being dazed when she looked at me, I just want to, well, you know, have her. Invite her back to my place after the dance or the prom or whatever, an-

TDIB: -cuts in- Okay, okay, I think we get the gist…

TBJ: -sigh- After all, a sexy, hot girl like Bella deserves a sexy, hot guy like me –jerks thumb at himself-. I don't know why she would choose that puny, nerdy, dead pale prude. I mean, I'm tanned, sporty, masculine and good at sex!

TeamVampire: -gasp- No! HE INSULTED THE OH-SO-SEXY EDWARD CULLEN!!!

TheImmortalKlutz: -screams- The first time I've been on this show, and this is what I hear?!

Number-1-Edward-fangirl: -looks at crates of tomatoes and eggs- Well, these are here for a reason…

MRAJ: -ponders- Hmm…I would throw them at him, but he was right about Edward…

(Back on stage)

TBJ: And besides, who is that Jacob guy? Can someone clue me in? –Looks hopefully at the half-angry fan girls-

TDIB: Erm, he's the Indian that came to your school and confronted Edward a few months before you graduated.

TBJ: HIM?! THAT FUGLY SON OF A BITCH?! HOW COULD HE BE SEXIER AND HOTTER THAN MOI?!

Naomi Cullen: That's. It!

MRAJ: -high pitched scream- NO! HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!

TeamVampire: -stands up- I KNOW WHAT TO DO! ATTACK THAT STUPID BASTARD!!!

Fan Girls: YES!!! –Starts hurling rotten food at TBJ-

TDIB: Bye bye, suckers! –Runs off stage-

TBJ: Huh? –Gets hit in the face by an egg- Hey! What did I do now?!

TheImmortalKlutz: YOU INSULTED EDWARD THE HOTNESS!

Naomi Cullen: YOU CALLED JACOB BLACK FUGLY!!!

Kythi Ravenswing: I'M PISSED THAT I MY SWEET DARLING QUIL DID NOT CALL ME BACK!

ThisIsMyDisguise: -shrugs- Meh, I'm just bored…

(Meanwhile, backstage…)

TDIB: -looks at the havoc caused by the fans- Wow, we should put this on YouTub-

-Is interrupted by a brick being thrown near TDIB's foot-

TDIB: -picks up brick and reads writing- Can I have James? I think you know who I am. –Sigh- She just doesn't give up, does she…

Yep, one chappie down, several more to go…

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!!! MUST READ!!!

Okay, I'm currently writing the very last chapter of this story (as in, the finale, the end, the conclusion, the…well, you know what I mean), and I'm going to interview different but real fan girls from Team Edward, Jacob, Switzerland, etc. So, in 100 words or less, tell me why you should be the representative for either Team Edward, Team Jacob, Team Jasper and/or Emmett, Team Switzerland or any other character you could think of. There might be more than one winner for each, so don't be afraid to enter (you never know, you might actually win!). I'll try to get as much people into the chappie as I humanly could, but please don't be disappointed if you don't get in. PM me or review this story to enter!

Next up: -shakes head- I don't really know…