Chapter 29

"Joan?" Louisa had been sitting in silence for quite a while, staring blindly through the windows, lost in her thoughts. "What was Martin's father like?"

"Was? He is not a thing of the past, at least not yet unfortunately." The last word alarmed Louisa. Although Joan tended to be brusque and sometimes brutally honest – there certainly was a family resemblance - she normally was quite positive about people.

"Didn't you meet my charming brother when he visited Martin?"

"No, unfortunately not. I tried to talk to Martin at that time, but he seemed even more unpleasant than usual. I just heard from Mark and Pauline that they were quite impressed."

"That's the trouble with him. Always was. He charms everyone, and before you realise it he has taken advantage of you or you get the blame for something he did. He even fooled me. As if I didn't know him long enough to know better! But I really believed that Marty was in that plot with them about the farm. And that's the trouble with Marty. Before he had composed himself and knew what to say, I had thrown him out already."

"You threw Martin out? When?"

"He didn't tell you anything about the farm?"

"Sorry. Don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't think Marty would like me to tell. He didn't even want me to know, that stupid boy. But of course his father couldn't even respect that wish. Glad he did though. I'm not sure if I would be on speaking terms with Marty anymore if he hadn't. If you want any details, ask Marty. Maybe he'll tell you, maybe not. It's up to him. I'll just say that if Marty hadn't stopped his father, we wouldn't be driving to my farm now."

"Your own brother wouldn't have kicked you out of your home, surely!" Louisa protested.

"He wouldn't, would he?" There was a silence, before Joan asked.

"Did Marty tell you anything about his parents, his childhood?"

"No, not really. I picked up some facts, though, and they don't sound too nice. While talking about some really badly behaved children, he let it drop that he had been beaten with a belt or table-tennis bat, and locked up in a cupboard under the stairs regularly. This weekend he mentioned how he hated boarding school…and that his father ruined his life and…" Louisa wasn't sure if she should tell Joan or not.

"And what? His description is quite accurate so far, I'm sorry to say. The poor boy really had quite a lot to put up with. I even think he is quite modest in his complaints. So what else?"

"…he is scared he could do the same to Peter."

"Bollocks! What gave him that idea! He has far more sense of family than his darling father ever had! First of all he's far from being that self-centred bastard that Christopher is. Christopher only remembers his family when he thinks it can be of any use to him. But there's one thing I have to acknowledge my brother for. He married wisely. It's really hard to find some spouse – given his character – where he appears to be favourable in comparison. The shallow, egoistic bitch he married really tops him." Louisa listened with sadness. There was not much information gained, but one thing was for sure – both Martin and Joan were very upset when his parents were mentioned. It was even worse than Louisa had imagined. While she thought about Joan's words, something suddenly caught her attention.

"Why do you say Martin has a sense for family?"

"Well, I'm afraid I don't always value that, and sometimes he is so infuriatingly correct that you can miss it, but if I'm honest he has helped me quite a lot over the last few years, and he does it without being asked, without making any fuss about it either. I just think of the trouble I had when I had that car accident when I wasn't insured, and the ghastly business with the farm. Marty sorted it out for me without hesitation. Even when John, an old flame of mine turned up. Martin who loathed John, nevertheless forced himself to do the decent thing, even when it wasn't easy for him. That's the problem with Marty, Louisa, don't be fooled by him. Always be cautious when he's a true mystery-monger, when he doesn't want to talk about something, chances are he has done something noble. The stupid boy always tries to hide his good deeds, while he says the most horrible things in front of everybody."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's quite irritating at times. He seems as if he doesn't care a bit about someone, and then you find out by accident that he had actually helped them. Like with Mark and his ill-chosen fiancée. No one had the courage to tell Mark. Martin, who had declared earlier that it is none of our business, actually was the only one to face it and warn Mark that his beloved Julie was a fraud."

"At that time I was so angry with him, that I held even that against him. Silly, really, but why can't he just show his caring side, accept the appreciation of others?"

"I can't say. He was always that way. Look, it's just my guess, and maybe it's complete nonsense, but as far as I know, Marty was disliked all his life – by his parents, his schoolmates, fellow students, colleagues, and even his patients. Maybe …just maybe he feels more comfortable with this. Insults being thrown at him, the hostility they show him – it is something he knows and that he's used to. He knows how to react, because that's what's been happening to him all his life. He simply doesn't know how to handle praise…or love."

"Joan, you know what you're saying? That is bloody awful."

"I guess it is."

"But he must have had someone – a friend?"

"Not that I know of, no."

"Never? Or later some lover?"

"The only one he ever introduced me to was Edith. Horrible woman, as you might well know." Louisa sighed. "I'm pretty sure for him it was his first love. I doubt that she was ever really interested in him – to her he was just a promising student who might be helpful for her later career, and furthermore darn easy to handle. So wonderfully inexperienced and hungry for life. I'd say she pretty much used him and when he had the guts to stand up to her for the first time, she dropped him. I'm pretty sure there was no one else since you…"

"Well, at least it explains why he's so terribly clumsy when it comes to relationships."

"It's all new ground for him, really. Silly to say about a man at his age. But his upbringing and his experiences really scarred him badly. Do you know why my brother had forbidden him to visit me when he was about eleven?"

"I didn't even know that he did."

"Christopher had found out that I had an affair, and he didn't want his son to learn his morals from an unsound person like me!" Louisa rolled her eyes.

"Welcome to the 20th century. No wonder he's so stiff."

"When Martin was down here, it was the only time that he could act like a normal child, at least as much as he was capable of doing so. Otherwise he had the strict school order of his all boys boarding school, one of the toughest ones possible, of course. To make a man out of him. Teach him some discipline. Toughen him up. Bad luck really that he was anything but tough. He was a very sensitive, shy and unhappy little boy and he dreaded the company of other children." Joan, for once, stopped herself from mentioning his bed-wetting.

Louisa pitied him, but realised at the same time that this was the last thing he wanted – her sympathy. Maybe that's why he had never told her anything about the past. Now, considering his wishes, she re-thought and decided that she could also be proud of him, to survive this without becoming a homicidal maniac, developing into a very worthy human being.

"Louisa, you realise that you are the first – and most probably only – person who brought something like normal human relations into his life? I've never seen him anything like it before. If he is capable of loving, then he loves you."

"He is, Joan. Maybe more so than I am. Sometimes I just want to have some fun. He can't do that. It's always so dead serious for him. Meaningful. Sometimes it flatters me, but then it can be a burden too."

"Joan, do you think that he can be a father to Pete?"

"Difficult to say. I don't want to fool you, nor flatter him. He had never experienced any parenting at all. I won't call his parents behaviour parenting, not even the worst kind. They were indifferent, and treated him as a nuisance. And he always was so bloody eager to comply, to make them proud of him. Wasted attempts, as they both didn't know how to be proud of anyone but themselves. Even when they visited down here, they still had the power to hurt him. I don't know what happened, but after their visit he was deeply upset. Apart from that he experienced the Victorian morals of his ghastly school. He never had any friends, where he could observe their relationship with their parents either. Later, he had nothing to do at all with children. I bet they are a closed book to him."

"On the other hand, he is quite clever and can learn everything he gets his teeth in. If he is really interested and you take him by the hand and show him what to do and how to do it, he might come to terms with it. I wouldn't leave him alone with Peter just to start with, though. When he gets confused and insecure, he might do something stupid." She realised that Louisa was looking alarmed and she hurried to assure her. "Nothing mean or brutal, mind you. He never showed aggression, but he might ignore him, or act childish himself. I don't know. I just wouldn't risk it until he has some confidence in how to act."

"I think that is the key, Louisa. You have to give him the confidence he needs. While you were pregnant, I spoke to him about it, and he only stated, almost in defeat, that being a father wouldn't come naturally to him, and that you were right to keep him out of it."

Louisa protested. "I didn't have to shut him out. He didn't show interest in the first place!"

"Well, as far as I understood from Marty, you told him on the day you returned that he wasn't to be involved."

"Well, maybe I did, but then I had been shocked to see Edith. And after he mentioned the abortion, I was really fed up. There's no reason to base your whole behaviour on one comment in the heat of the moment."

"But that is basically what he did. Maybe because it rang true to him. When I told him that he should take some interest, he quoted you. I confronted him asking if he was really just doing as he had been told, and he confirmed. I guess you two really caught each other on the hop."

"I suppose so. I just realised it this weekend, really." Louisa said sheepishly.

Soon afterwards they reached Joan's farm, stuffed all of Pete's things in and continued to White Rose Cottage. As 'Mr. Creepy' had left Portwenn after his breakdown to start again where his strange behaviour wasn't known, Louisa had moved into her own home again.

During the journey, Peter was sleeping soundly in his car seat, exhausted by missing his Mum for so long, being in the fresh air all day and meeting this stranger Mum made such fuss about.

To be continued…