Chapter 23: Pretty Faces and Old Souls

A few hours after sunrise, they decided they didn't want to stop and try to rent hotel rooms for everyone, so Lance climbed into the very back row to sleep as Gwen took over driving. It would take a full day of driving to get to where they'd been able to roughly calculate Lake Avalon hid. Really, it was a pretty large circle drawn in Sharpie on the map.

Lillian was still sitting up front, studying the map and muttering directions and possible routes to Gwen. And hushed concerns about the cobalt eyes that stared unseeing through the window, the thin body that barely moved except to allow shallow breath. The commercial route they were on would take them away from their destination, so they had to get off and take a slower, but more accurate trip. It was just noon when they exited and drove through the first town, a small, remote place that couldn't have had a population larger than four thousand. The next two were similar, all along the four-lane cement road they were to follow for the day.

At mid-afternoon, they stopped in the middle of another town to fill the tank, Gwen and Lance handling the pump and money while Lillian tugged Merlin out of the car for some air and to stretch their legs. Merlin stepped around and took in the street, the gas station in the center of the town, but kept his fingertips skimming the car as though he'd be lost if he didn't keep contact.

"I'm dying of starvation, you torturers," Lillian declared before starting towards the sandwich shop she saw two buildings down the street.

"Ham and cheese, please," Lance called, and Gwen just assumed her friend would grab something she wouldn't mind. Gwen turned most of her attention back to Merlin, minding that he didn't wander into the street or get too uncomfortable. She kept her sigh quiet, but saw Lance look at her in the corner of her eye. This world scared him, and Gwen hated the guilty, nervous, uncomfortable boy he was here when her memories - increasing and becoming more clear by the day - knew a strong, clever man who had always carried a weight even greater than hers but had never let it crumble his edges. Now, he seemed so lost, so unsure.

Gwen was about to open her mouth to try to say something, and she knew it would be useless. She was spared, however, by Lillian's yelp. Alertness shot down her spine and yanked it straight, and Gwen looked up with narrowed eyes and a tensed body.

Lillian stood only a few feet away, halted in her walk by seemingly her own shock. Her eyes were wide, her mouth dropped open, and her whole body was facing across the street where the only other two people out were glancing at her, having heard her noise. Gwen stepped towards her warily, until she yelled without warning.

"Rowanna!" The two people across the street fully stopped and looked at her this time. The six people seemed to freeze for a moment, even Merlin, and then Gwen blinked and the girl was on their side of the street and standing with her faces inches from Lillian's.

The girls mirrored each other, eyes wide and mouths parted to let out shocked gasps. Gwen blinked. And they were hugging each other. Gwen felt Lance and Merlin at her shoulders and the three slowly took the last few steps until they were just behind their friend. The man who'd been standing across the street was also coming closer, though unlike their wary footsteps his steps were lazy and relaxed.

"Gwen, Gwen," Lillian's voice was broken by laughter as she continued to clutch the new girl's shoulders. "This is Rowanna - she's been in my dreams! She's one of us!"

Gwen hesitated, feeling no recognition even in her gut. She did not know this girl. She glanced at Lance, but he shrugged, and then at Merlin. Merlin looked at the girl with a small smile, his face a bit lighter than it had been this morning.

"To think we almost walked right by each other," Lillian giggled as Rowanna detached one arm from her and reached out. Merlin grasped her hand and squeezed, his smile widening and Gwen watched the friendship glow between the two.

"I can't believe it's you, it's really you isn't it? I was convinced we were just going bonkers," Rowanna gushed, looking between her two long lost friends. Then she pulled away slightly and called to the man approaching. "Oi, babe, you were bloody right!"

"Told you," a low, gravelly voice drawled. Gwen's heart tripped over itself as she looked into the face of the man. He was older than Lance, with thick hair that flopped into his face and matching dark facial hair thicker than Lance's shadow. Dark eyes peered through his hair, cataloguing every detail despite his lazy stance.

"About time you showed up," he drawled, looking straight at Merlin with a smirk. Merlin's smile could have rivaled the stars, Gwen was sure, as the boy straightened and launched himself forward to embrace the man. Gwen felt her own smile strain her cheeks, and felt an old warmth in her chest as she saw him.

"Who are you?" Lillian deadpanned, looking at Lance's, Gwen's, and Merlin's glowing expressions. The man unwrapped his arms from Merlin's shoulders and instead draped one around Rowanna, smiling at Lillian.

"Name's Gwaine," he stated, holding out his hand. Lillian didn't take it, instead just grinning and putting her hands on her hips.

"No way," she challenged excitedly. She glanced at Gwen, the girl's happy expression tinged with the same excitement. They might all be lost souls from Camelot or whatever, but every Classics major - no matter their level of interest - knew and adored Sir Gwaine. The man before her smirked proudly.

"Come on, you've got bloody Lancelot and I'm the one you doubt," he scoffed, gesturing at Lance. He looked to the man in question, smiling in silent greeting. Lillian and Rowanna watched the men, the happiness and fraternal bond nearly tangible between them. So this was the bond of the Knights of the Round Table, Lillian couldn't help but giggle in excitement. She looked at the girl, Rowanna, a girl she'd never met before and yet was her best friend for a time longer than most friendships could ever claim.

"You're not surprised," Lance said finally. Gwaine grinned.

"I've been dreaming of your pretty face for a year," he shrugged. "That long, that constant - can't be coincidence. I don't pretend to understand the world, I just accept it with less of a fight than other idiots."

Lance chuckled. "Well said. So you two?"

"Yep," Rowanna chirped. "Been with him since I was in high school. When he first told me about the dreams I thought he'd lost it, but a few months later and mine were similar. When the same boy," she nodded to Merlin, "started showing up in both our dreams, figured it was something." Lillian and she laughed.

"Parents weren't too happy," Gwaine winked. Lance just shook his head, failing to stifle his laughter. Gwaine saw Gwen's frown and explained. "Bit of an age difference, four years. Now, it's not so bad, but when she was seventeen…" he trailed, smiling in mock-innocence.

They all began trading stories and catching up, falling into comfort the way only familiars could. Gwaine, however, deftly extricated himself and moved to Merlin, who had been watching silently while his eyes glowed with emotion. Gwaine didn't say anything, just stood near enough that his friend felt his presence. He pulled out his phone but kept it low, but the boy knew nothing as his fingers flew over the screen quickly before putting the small black object back into his pocket. Merlin spoke after only a moment.

"You're all here, and you all remember," he said quietly, and Gwaine wondered if he was actually talking to him. Still, he nodded.

"I remember everything," he said. "Camelot, Arthur, you...Morgana. Then, I remember more. I remember being a kid, multiple times. I remember you as an old man, I remember your magic. You only told me about it in another life," Gwaine thought aloud. Merlin nodded, closing his eyes as he listened. Gwaine wondered guiltily if he was hurting him with these memories, but figured sharing was better.

"If Gwen ever came back, I never met her. Same with the girls," Merlin said. Gwaine didn't need an explanation, as an image of tiny glass and glowing red flashed in his mind. A distant memory, of only one conversation that took only a moment. "You came back, but you never remembered like you do now. Nothing, not even a hint of recognition," Merlin's voice cracked, but not in blame.

"Lance?" Gwaine asked. "Anyone...anyone else?" Merlin shook his head.

"Lancelot and Morgana a couple times, but I never met them," he answered. That was all. He was quiet again, but soon Gwaine was prodding him.

"There's something else. Come on, Merlin," he murmured, knowing his friend needed the coaxing.

Merlin's heart was painful as it was strained by its own swelling. It felt odd to see Gwaine again, and his coming had stirred perhaps the largest variety of emotions. Happiness, of course, he'd always been happy to find his friend in the lifetimes he'd come near the lake. Relief and anticipation, for this meant he was that much closer to reuniting Avalon. But the vision was wrong, in the way that flowers with green petals looked wrong. Natural and beautiful, the sight should have inspired happiness and even contentment, but it didn't, it wasn't the sight Merlin knew it should have been, the sight he found himself actively desiring.

"Someone is missing," he said, his lips barely moving.

"A lot of people are missing," Gwaine countered. Merlin sighed, narrowing his eyes and trying to summon annoyance. "Come on, Merlin," Gwaine half-growled, needing his friend to have some of his old fire instead of this sad, quiet person.

"Do you have a sister?" he tried. Gwaine hadn't actually expecting this question, his eyes widening slightly in surprise as he answered anyway.

"She was with us up until a couple months ago, but turned eighteen and wanted to try her own hand," Gwaine said offhandedly, laughing at his headstrong sister. It trailed as he frowned, and his hands flexed slightly against his upper thighs, thumbs hooking into his pockets. "Not sure where she is now exactly, haven't heard from her in a bit over a week."

Their parents had always been moving about every other year, but they'd died right when Gwaine had turned eighteen, and the siblings had just kept up the pattern. They were both comfortable that way, it made making friends a bit difficult but neither cared in the long run. The longest they'd ever stayed in one place was when they had met Rowanna and stayed until she'd finished school. It felt natural to let her go travel herself, Gwaine knew better than anyone that she could handle herself - and insisted upon doing so. Suddenly, however, he felt unbalanced and utterly wrong without her with him.

Turns out, Lance's car was nice and roomy. Until six of the eight seats were filled by fully grown, young adults, who then were to sit in them for another several hours. Gwen drove, though Lance commented several times to "ease up the lead foot, please" and Merlin threw him confused, unanswered glances. Gwaine sat back against the window and Rowanna nestled comfortably against him in the very back seats, and Lillian and Lance were in the middle row often turning around to talk to them. There was room, but the unacknowledged antsiness in the car was more due to the length of time in it. It was both too long and too short.

For a few hours they'd talked, comparing modern lives and dreams alike, and then for a few hours they'd slept. Gwen and Merlin hadn't, but now Merlin was recognizing his surroundings and Gwen didn't want to stop.

"Are you nervous?" Gwen murmured quietly enough that the other four didn't hear her over their conversation - though Lance and Gwaine were joking and laughing loudly anyway. Only Merlin, sitting shotgun as he'd learned, heard, and it was only directed to him. He swallowed, keeping his face turned towards the road cutting through empty plains before them. Gwen glanced to him just to see him nod.

Maybe he didn't want to talk about it, but she did. Gwen nervous had never been silent, but fidgety and babbling. "I remember him in my dreams. I...I feel how I felt. And I know we're...them, or reincarnates of them, or whatever, but I didn't grow up in Camelot or with you now. I grew up outside London, and then went to university in Cumbria. I just…" she trailed, trying to find the words.

"What?" Merlin prompted, a bit sharply.

"What if he is there? What if...what if we see him, and ..." Gwen sighed, her grip on the wheel tightening until her knuckles paled.

"What if he's not?" Merlin said suddenly, his tone sounding as though he'd just tossed the words out, but one spared glance revealed an entirely different scene. His whole face was paler than usual, lips pressed tightly together in a thin line, eyes blazing. Gwen felt her body freeze with the force of realization.

"You're scared too," she sighed. Then, she laughed weakly. "I'm scared we will come to the end of this crazy trip and have conclusive proof that all this impossible stuff - reincarnation, dreams, Camelot - is really true. And you're scared that nothing will happen," she paused, letting the rest of the words flow through her mind as if they were given to her, instead of thinking them herself. "Because nothing has happened in a long time."

He nodded. If nothing happened, then everything - finally leaving the lakeside, meeting and talking to the universe's newest of his long lost friends, speaking words he'd long forbade himself to say - would all be for naught.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, realizing how her thoughts must sound to him. Her eyes flitted upwards, both as a guilty habit and to suppress the emotion building behind them. She saw the rearview mirror, where Lance and Lilly leaned against each other in their sleep and Gwaine frowned as he pulled a black phone away from his head and looked down at it. But Merlin smiled gently.

"I'm not angry," he assured. "I don't know exactly how you feel, we've had such different courses. But I don't believe it's exactly easy for you either," his smile grew, turning crooked and Gwen felt herself mirror it. She laughed again, short but a bit more strongly.

"Whatever does happen, we won't abandon you, Merlin," she said, eyes soft but shining with truth. He nodded and tilted his chin down.

"Thanks," he said. Gwaine guffawed at something, and Merlin looked back quickly to see his friend's dark eyes light up and his cheeks turn just a tiny bit pink from laughter. Then he pinned Gwen with cerulean eyes, without fear or sadness but filled completely with curiosity. "Do you worry about what seeing him will be like?"

Gwen nodded. "He's Arthur, I'm Guinevere. But what if I see him and I don't...I mean, I remember him, he's always in my dreams and there, I feel…" she sighed, resisting the urge to put her face in her hands since she was driving.

Merlin, to her surprise, smiled, still without fear or sadness. "I've no doubt it'll be a bit odd. But...it's not the details in your life, like university and what city you were born in now. It's your souls. You're exactly the Gwen I knew then," Merlin's voice was thick, but Gwen hoped he didn't stop as she found herself hanging onto each syllable. "After everything, I must believe that your souls will find each other, will recognize each other. Your minds might have to take some time catching up to them, but destiny has always found a way for me to be exactly where I needed to be, and exactly when. It will work the same with you."

Gwen stared at the road, the plains and towns having fallen away, and the grey concrete had fallen away a few minutes ago to show dirt road. She watched the trees thicken and the world outside the windshield seem to grow and change, as though they drove through time instead of the one country. It was a full twenty minutes before she spoke.

"Do you really believe that?" she looked at Merlin, whose eyes were wide and spine straight. He didn't answer, and Gwen noticed the entire car had fallen silent. She looked back at the road, and her breath hitched when the dirt just stopped, the car stopping along with it. She hadn't hit the brakes.

Lilly's spine was immediately straight as she yanked herself from sleep, dragging Lance partially with her. His chocolate eyes were still fogged with sleep, but his mouth was in a grim line and his shoulders were hunched slightly. Gwaine frowned, letting his phone slip through his fingers and onto his lap as Rowanna leaned into him slightly, both trying to look out the front from their faraway seats.

All six sat and stared, Gwen wasn't even sure if everyone was breathing. She knew she wasn't. The front of the car had pushed tall, overgrown grass, and the yellow and green strands tangled and collapsed on each other far enough that they would see the surface, smooth as a mirror, of a lake that did not exist on any map. Not even the one they'd drawn on to try to find their way. The water seemed black as ink against the setting sun that lit the sky on fire and pierced the surrounding trees. It all looked untouched, as if satellites or airplanes or even cell phone signals had never flown over it.

The only thing marring the smooth lake and its identically smooth shore was the figure with broad shoulders standing in front of it, the dying sunlight gleaming against silver and gold.

Merlin answered Gwen. "Yes, I do."