Dear Cas,
I have never been embarrassed when a girl I barely know walks into the bathroom unexpectedly when I'm in the shower. Then again, they've seen me naked so what's to be embarrassed about? That being said, you appearing in the bathroom when I was in the shower made me fall and pull the curtain down around me. It didn't help when you tried to help me up and out of the shower curtain while explaining that you heard news that you needed to tell me. I could have done without you pointing out that my face was red "probably from the temperature of the water."
-DW
Dear Cas,
I know Sam would have ended up somewhere dark even if I hadn't come to get him that Halloween. I know that Jessica still would have died the way Mom did. I know that it's probably best that I was there or else who knows where Sam would have gone or what lengths he would have gone to by himself. I know all of that but I still beat myself up.
I have nightmares about the things that I said to him, mocking his choice in life. I had once been the big brother who helped him into school and hoped the best for him. I had once been the brother who wanted him to succeed in escaping the life. I had been alone with Dad for 4 years. I had seen Sam only once in those 4 years, halfway through and it didn't go well. I was jealous and angry that he could leave me behind when I never left him.
-DW
Dear Cas,
I used to put you on a pedestal, thinking you were immortal and invincible. I thought you were the best of all angels because of how powerful and venerable you are. I hated you a little bit despite my crush and despite how high I held you. I hated how your view of what was good didn't line up with mine and thought that if you were this perfect being, was I doing something wrong?
I think you do the same to me. I think you put me on a pedestal of how the best humans and hunters are supposed to be. I've watched you try to be like me or use my mannerisms or doubt your own judgement based on mine.
Now, I think neither of us are perfect in any way. I've never thought I was a perfect hunter, son, brother, human. You went from saying that you were an angel of the lord to you were god to you were nothing to human to nothing. I heard my own voice saying that I thought I was poison. I know neither of us is perfect. I still love you. I still think you do good.
Our views of good changed after we met each other. We went from seeing things from completely different views to similar enough to be partners on cases or research together or fight side by side.
I don't put you on a pedestal anymore. I see your faults and love you because of them and in spite of them. I see who you are and don't idolize you because of your species or your power. I stand next to you on solid ground and love you for who you are.
-DW
