Four things:
1: This way of making author's notes is easier to read. (For me at least; say if it actually makes it harder.)
2: I'm sorry to the one person to whom I promised I'd update sooner. *insert rushed excuses* (They exist! I just...don't want to...oh never mind.)
3: I AM BACK, BABY! Well, kind of, but writing the last parts of this chapter felt like it did to write the first many. :3 Only with better grammar, and I actually read over it a few times. Also, my writing style is weird.
4: I'd like to get this out of the way so no reviews are solely based on this: Felicity is supposed to be acting and thinking (FYI: All the descriptions are basically what she thinks of stuff, so that counts) the way she is; her character has not caught the same disease my writing style has. *nods*
ENJOY! I'm feeling giddy excited about this one. (Oh, and for those of you who care, [yeah, fifth thing, shut up] sorry about the number of times I used the word shit in this one.)
The rumbling sound of a moving train vibrated soothingly through my head, causing my half-conscious mind to wish for sleep. Unfortunately, it was only noon, so any rest I might've gotten would've taken time out of my day, and, though it gave me a stomach ache to think about, I didn't want to waste any of the precious time I had.
In fact, over the course of the last couple hours, I'd begun to panic mentally whenever I realized I was doing nothing; I'd already wasted most of the first thirteen years of my life, I had to do something before the last twenty six years (give or take; there was a good chance I'd die before my next birthday—or, wait, my next birthday might've been before the Promised Day...) were over!
Speaking of which, at the time in question Ed was keeping good on his word and trying to teach me more alchemy. 'Trying' being the active word here. He'd just finished explaining something about the makeup of silver and copper, telling me exactly how it was that he'd altered that tin can on the ground into a bunch of coins for us to buy our way out of Kime, (before anyone at the train station heard about the three kids who'd broken into the hotel that night) but I was pretty much lost.
It just goes to show: you can't go nearly fifteen years without learning squat about the chemical makeup and active something of different metals and expect to understand a rambling genius. At least I appeared to have a certain affinity for alchemy, (according to Alphonse) and I pretty much knew the basics from The Gate, otherwise I'd have given up halfway through this lesson.
"Hey, Felicity!" A finger snapped in front of my face.
"U-huh?" I looked up from staring blankly at the floor (I'm ashamed to admit the sleepiness had begun to get to me) to find an impatient Elric's face about a foot to the left of mine. I gulped; it was a little unnerving.
Ed's eyebrows sank into his eyes. "Are you getting any of this?"
"Uh..." I swallowed sheepishly. "Kind of...ish."
He scowled. "Tch. Come on, I'm even dumbing it down! What exactly did they teach you in America?"
"Uh... Hmm..." I glanced upwards in a display of thought—mostly as an excuse to look away from him. "Well, it's not so much that I wasn't taught...anything, that I wasn't taught alchemy." 'Or anything about how to manipulate alloys by using their tectonic plates to exploit seismic waves in the Earth. Why can I remember all that but still not understand what he's saying? GAH.'
Ed scowled crookedly, which made me want to lean away from him. "Well, what were you taught?" he asked sharply, then paused, a thoughtful expression dawning on his face. "Or...No," he corrected himself, shifting so that he was looking more directly at me. "How were you taught?"
I blinked. "Huh?"
He deadpanned. "You never seem to understand anything when you're told straight-forwardly, but you're not stupid." He raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me the only way you can learn is by having information put directly into your head."
"I—...Mm..." Call me idiotic or just egotistical, but my heart swelled when he said I wasn't stupid; coming from him it felt like a huge compliment. I let out a short laugh—which earned me a confused look, but I really didn't notice at the time.
That explained, I went back to his question, and found myself chewing lightly at the edge of my mouth. "Mm... I've-uh, I've always responded mentally to analogies," I suggested.
Ed blinked. "Analogies?"
'Did I seriously just say that out loud?' I internally winced. "Yeah. Um... Like, I'm not so good with totally new concepts, but..." I glanced away, and my eyes glued themselves to a particularly dark looking cloud on the horizon outside. "I usually learn things better by connecting bits and pieces of it with things I already understand. Or sometimes just...pointless, random things that don't have anything to do with it, like..." I searched my brain. "Noodles."
"Noodles?"
This time I visibly flinched. 'Okay, that was stupid. Noodles... Said the first thing that popped into my head. Note to self: Stop doing that.' I looked back toward Ed with a sheepish expression so obviously on my face and hurriedly corrected myself. "I mean like imagery! I can't seem to understand anything clearly unless I can visualize it, so it helps to imagine something I know in my head, like with certain colors or shapes..."
A look of understanding dawned in Edward's eyes. "Ah, I get it." I smiled at him, but then he frowned. "But...what does that have to do with noodles?"
My face got hot. "Urm...Nothing—n-never mind."
"Yeah! Wow, you were right—analogies do work."
"Toldja," came unbidden from my mouth in reaction to the praise. 'Thinking of silver like confetti is kinda weird though.'
Ignoring that thought, I smiled at the nickel I'd managed to create out of the cens Edward had made out of tin. I leaned back against the wall—we were on the floor now so we could have a surface to keep the metal on—and examined the coin for any faults. I found...seventeen.
It wasn't real nickel, of course—that would take too complicated an array—just some nickel-like alloys that Ed had explained could be made from the tin-like and silvery substances we already had, but I thought it was fascinating. Especially since all the money I'd seen for over a year now didn't have that little president's head on it (I never learned what particular one it was), or that building on the back—or the "In God We Trust" engraving, even if it seemed a bit ironic for the both of us. It was almost nostalgic to hold.
Almost.
Ed took the coin from me a moment later to examine it himself. I let him, but I felt a little flush come to my cheeks when he squinted indignantly and muttered, "God?" then glanced up at me questioningly.
I tried a nonchalant shrug. "That's...what some of the coins look like in America. Five cents."
"Hm..." Ed glanced at it again before flicking it up pointlessly and catching it. Then he placed it in the pile of mess-ups and transmuted it all back into the cens we'd need on our trip. He paused, then looked back up with interest in his eyes. "Cents. Sounds like cens. I wonder if that means anything."
I blinked a couple times. "Hm? Like what?"
The alchemist scooped up our money and slid it into his pocket, looking thoughtful. "Like..." His eyebrows went down; he crossed his hands over each other in his lap and leaned back slightly. "I've read...theories...and fantasies, about alternate worlds before. I never took them seriously, but if I did... There are ideas that suggest there're parallel things in other worlds, like objects, people and ideas that have minute similarities, or equal meaning."
It took me a moment, but I caught on, and my mind went to all the sci-fi stuff I used to enjoy. "Oh yeah, a parallel universe." I bit the inside of my lip thoughtfully. "That makes sense. The only big difference between here and there is alchemy, as far as I can tell." 'But wouldn't that mean I might have a double here? Or in the future at least? ...Weird. Okay, stop thinking about that.' I actually had to remind myself that this world had been an anime two years ago; but maybe it was a parallel to ours originally, and the other anime was the one that had been created afterwards, and—or...Never mind, that's still hard to think about.
It took me a moment to realize Ed was looking at me weird. I hummed questioningly in response to the look, and he seemed to come out of a trance. He cocked his head curiously. "Your world has ideas about that too?"
I nodded, starting to feel just a bit uncomfortable with his apparent fascination; last time we'd talked about my world, he was still skeptical about my sanity. "Yeah... Actually, a lot of people like to write just—" I waved my hand subtly. "—fictional stuff about it. It's a pretty common idea." Pausing for a moment, my mind started ADHDing and I raised my hands before speaking in a dramatic, exaggerated movie voice, eyes narrowed: "Things outside what we can explore."
"Really." Edward lowered one eyebrow, seeming almost amused; he'd spoken in a sarcastic, patronizing-ish voice, which was not a reaction I'd gotten from attitude like that for... How long had I been there? Over a year, definitely. I felt my face flatten, void of a proper reaction.
After a moment, though, Ed frowned, like he'd just thought of something he didn't like. "Hold on though. What about the things you can explore? The way you put it, it sounds like no one's ever been outside your world before."
I couldn't help a small, amused smile. "Well, we're not that advanced." A breath of air fell out of me, like a sigh, but not that exaggerated "SIGH" like how I can't help but imagine every time I write the word 'sigh.' "But no, actually. No one really believes there's anything outside our universe. Most people at least. But hey—" I snorted and gestured at the air, turning my voice into a similar tone as before. "I know different!"
I'm not sure why I was acting dumb; maybe Ed was just making me feel more relaxed than I'd been in a long time, or maybe the opposite was true—maybe everything was really getting to me. (Maybe I was losing it!) Either way, to this day I frown upon my mental state at that time.
Thankfully, I snapped out of it when Edward rolled his eyes disapprovingly. There was an awkward, yet almost companionable, silence.
A minute later Ed let out a fatigued sigh, stood up, and stretched, subjecting me to full view of beneath-his-shirt. I hastily scrambled up to stand next to him, and the alchemist didn't give me so much as a glance as he let his gaze sweep over the interior of the near-empty car we were in. He held a confusing sense of purpose about him.
...Oh, wait. Near empty car. I glanced around too; if any of the five people around here had heard us talking about another universe... 'Crud.'
Thankfully, no one seemed to be paying attention to us. What looked like a mother and two kids were sitting quietly by one end of the car—a little girl sleeping in her mother's lap while what looked like her brother whispered excitedly to the woman—a single, well-dressed man sat nearby them, staring contentedly out the window, and back at the other end, closer to us, sat an older woman who looked half-asleep herself.
Ed glanced back without meeting my eyes. "'Wonder if there's a dining car on this train," he murmured hungrily. I imagined hearing his stomach growl as the boy began to strut toward the end of the car; I had no choice but to follow. Well, I was kind of hungry myself. We hadn't eaten since...what time was it? We'd missed lunch.
I started after him, wincing as my right leg seemed to pinch a bit; I paused, shook it out, then went after him. The thing had been aching since Baschool; I couldn't wait to get Winry to fix it.
Anyway, as we got to the door leading into the next room, I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen Greeling since we'd got on the train. I didn't remember seeing him leave... Then again, there was that half hour or so where I'd zoned out so completely I may as well have been asleep. (Not sleeping well can do that to a person.)
And so, when we were in the next car, where the seats were a lot more packed, I walked a bit faster so as to speak directly to my short companion. "Hey, uh, Ed? Do you know where Greeling went?" (Yeah, I'd gotten to saying that name aloud since Edward had come up with it. As a result, I heard a few dulled whispers of, "'Greeling'?" from the random people around us.)
Ed glanced back again. "Hm? Oh yeah, he left earlier. Said he wanted to get away from—...Uh..." He stopped and hesitated, clearly slowing down as we got to the door at the end.
I frowned. "What?"
And here was yet another moment where Ed acted so weird and completely out of character (at least it seemed that way to me) that it made me uncomfortable. He seemed reluctant to speak, but, as we started to pass through another room of people, he took an audible breath and spit up an explanatory sentence. "Well, apparently Homunculi are bothered by your presence more than alchemists," came out matter-of-factly. "And Greed said he couldn't block it out right now, so he needed some space."
My breath caught in my throat for a moment, slowing me down as my oxygen intake depleted; that gut feeling of horror gripped my stomach, and for some reason—glancing back at me—Ed slowed too, giving me a look that was, dare I say it, concerned.
I'm not sure why I reacted the way I did. I guess I'd come to respect how uncomfortable I made some people, and I hadn't really considered that I might be able to do anything to Greed if I tried... But...more bothered than alchemists? Izumi had flipped me on sight! Why was Greed okay with hanging around me at all? And...why had he come to find us, anyway? Ed didn't seem confused at all, so I had to assume he already knew; Greed had probably explained it while I'd gone into a shock-induced trance back on the train from North City.
And-wait a minute... If Homunculi were that much more bothered than alchemists—so bothered that, I assumed, it was the cause of the weird behavior I'd noticed—then why had he acted normal when I first met him? 'Well, he is a Homunculus; they can go through a lot of pain and not even flinch, right? Besides, he did seem a little...off on that first train ride. So I guess they can block it out, like Ed mentioned...'
'Then why is he acting weird now? And why on the first train?'
'Good question. ...Ling?'
'Maybe. But what about his memories? Did he say he got them back? He didn't mention that lizard guy—whatever his name was.'
'Right, so maybe he's having trouble with them? His past life memories I mean.'
'And that's messing with his concentration?'
'Yeah.'
'That feels too far fetched for some reason...'
'Maybe Ling's bugging him too?'
'Like that makes sense.'
'Then what do you th—wait a minute.'
My eyebrows slowly came together as the realization dawned on my stupid little head. 'I'm...talking to myself again. Stop it.'
"Hey."
I blinked and looked down to my right; a man and woman sat there, both staring at me with concern. The man frowned. "Are you alright, kid?"
I blinked a few more times, muttered, "Yeah, 'm fine," then sent an 'okay, now get going before a conversation with a total stranger starts' glare at Ed—who was still staring at me. Apparently I was good at that look, because he got the message and started forward again.
'More bothered than alchemists... Greed can't just be here for Ling's sake, if that's the case,' I thought nervously as Ed open the creaking train door. 'I mean, there's no way Ling's will-power is that strong, especially since he can most likely feel what's wrong with me too. So why is Greed here? Does he—' I gulped. 'Does he think he can use me too?'
That didn't make any sense though. He had an entire Philosopher's Stone at his disposal; I wasn't more powerful than that. I needed to stop thinking everything was about people wanting to hurt me...
...and calm down before I started hyperventilating.
Back in the real world, the next room was a dining car, so the next ten minutes or so were spent getting food. Eleven minutes later I was sitting with a half-foot long chicken sandwich at a mini-table by a window with Ed, who was gorging himself on three bowls of chicken soup. (Gotta live that chicken.)
As we ate, my mind decided the silence was unbearable, so it found things to think about. Mean things. At first I was playing with the idea of asking Ed more about why Greed was here, (I wasn't seriously considering it, of course; I didn't need to bury that issue's thorns deeper into my mind) but then my thoughts began to slip. Like melting ice, I felt my entire being start to plummet into those dark depths that was the mind. First it was: Why was Greed here? How much did that change? Stuff I'd wondered before...
Then, for some reason, instead of moving on to 'shit, we're all gonna die,' my brain recalled what I'd thought about all this stuff when I'd first woken up in Amestris. I hadn't been taking much of it seriously—I think some part of me still believed I was dreaming for a while. It wasn't until Father had become curious about my inexplicable existence that I'd started seriously fearing for my life, and it wasn't until I found out Hughes was dead that I started seriously fearing for the world, and for the people in it.
And now... Things were so complicated now, I wasn't sure what was going on half the time. I think it started with Fort Briggs, then...
Then I found out that I didn't have very long to live.
And with these thoughts, everything that was going on flooded by the mental blocks I'd set up: I needed to go home; my friends were in danger; I was in danger; the entire world could end! Half of my life...half...
The blocks weren't open for very long—just for a moment, but it was enough to make me shiver and take a panicky breath of air. My vision blurred for a second; blood swirled through my ears. I swallowed loudly.
"...F...y?"
I exhaled sharply and blinked when Edward's voice suddenly broke into my consciousness. I looked up, and everything cleared; Ed's concerned face was back. The one that made me uncomfortable—or maybe it was just the fact that we weren't alone here that made me uncomfortable. My eyes darted around the room without my head; nope, no one out of the seven-or-so people in here had noticed me completely blank out.
Only then did I realized Edward had said something. "H...uh?" I finally got out. Then I winced at the smallness of my voice. 'Get it together, girl! You were fine a minute ago.' I took a soft breath, then let it out slowly.
Ed seemed to notice my internal struggle. Frowning, he murmured, "Hey, you still with me?" in a low voice, so as to not attract attention.
I swallowed reflexively, unwilling to show how unnerving that tone of voice was to me. "Uh, yeah. I'm-fine." My face began to feel hot again as my pride tried to dig its way out of the mounds of rubble it was buried under. I shoved it down.
"You sure?" Ed asked honestly. Seriously, he wasn't being sarcastic or anything, he was really, actually worried. Not that...he hadn't been, before, but I was still hooked up on how he'd been so angry with me for a long time, and...
I'd definitely thought about that too much. Edward had been acting perfectly nice a few minutes ago, and he'd already told me that he wasn't mad anymore. So, feeling cold, I picked up a stray piece of chicken and stuck it into my mouth, just to give my hands something to do. "Yeah," I repeated after a moment of silence. "I'm fine."
'I'm perfectly fine.'
Two Day Time Skip
Can I just say that I'm not proud of myself? As soon as we got to the next stop—a little village right near Liore—I blew our cover by doing something as simple as calling Ed by his name...
His...full name.
It was during a short conversation about alchemy, and I was in one of my 'must-act-all-dramatic-about-something-to-create-a-stupid-joke' moods. (Like before. On the train. When I was acting stupid. Only...a little bit less so.) I'm pretty sure the sentence I used involved the phrase "the all powerful Edward Elric!" and we were just passing a regular old (1914 style) police car, so... Yeah. They'd heard of him, and how the people at Briggs were looking for him. We had to go straight down southward then take evasive north-west maneuvers to lose them.
On the bright side... Well, I got a laugh out of Greed. But he was more laughing at my expense than anything. I decided right then that I'd liked him better before he'd collected himself and started to adapt to being around me.
See, he finally began acting like himself on the day after my first alchemy lesson with Ed, and had expressed some annoyance (cool annoyance, with hidden emotions, and an attitude that would make me uncomfortable had it been anyone else) at himself for telling us so much when we'd first met up with him, describing himself as having been "practically high" at the time. (I was beginning to think that my soul's fragility might've had more of an effect on the world around me than I'd previously assumed. ...Yes, I'm that dense; shut up.)
Oh, and yeah, after two days...his presence was still a mystery to me. I couldn't help it! I just wasn't brave enough to confront anyone about it. A part of me just wanted to stay ignorant—ignorance is bliss, after all—but I knew that I'd have to find out at some point. It obviously had something to do with me, so not knowing felt like, if you'll forgive the analogy, refusing to look at the palm of my own hand long enough to clean some dirt off it.
Thankfully (I think) I didn't have to stress myself out about it forever; in the afternoon of the second day since my first alchemy lesson with Ed, we reached Liore.
It was pretty unceremonious. There wasn't any train that would take us all the way there—because of the riots that had taken place a few weeks back—so we had to walk the last bit of the way. The entire walk, I couldn't make myself calm down; my heart raced at the thought of seeing Al and Winry again; I just wanted to stay somewhere with some people who didn't make me feel nervous to be around! (Let alone talk to.) Though some part of me admitted that I felt like exploding at the thought of seeing that wonderful, living suit of armor in one piece.
And Winry. Just the thought of seeing her again made me feel more relaxed: it had to be the idea of seeing someone who I hadn't psychologically connected with huge amounts of danger, and who had saved my life. So... The physical, outwards result was me repeatedly holding my breath, and then letting it out shakily as we walked into town, trying to contain myself.
No one greeted us or anything; Ed told me to keep an eye out for anyone familiar, but it wasn't until we reached a little shop whose name I could only see part of from the angle we were coming in at ("...k & Food") when anything significant happened.
"Ed!" someone shouted from a small crowd that was beginning to disperse there. "Hey, Edward—is that you?" Edward half-gasped at the high, female voice and stopped our little party about six yards away from the outdoor eatery. A second later I spotted a familiar, pink-banged (well, kind of reddish, but I digress) woman as she was stepping out from the behind the counter and waving toward us. "Hey there!"
"Rose!" I gasped, feeling unbearably relieved to see someone I sort-of-knew—'THANK THE TRUTH ALMIGHTY IN HELL! ...I think I'm gonna throw up...' But almost immediately I slapped a metal hand painfully over my mouth. That was stupid. That was really stupid of me. The hand dropped, but I could still feel Ed's eyes on the side of my head, curious and warning. My face flushed.
Rose gave me a strange look as she got over to us. "Ah, hello." She smiled at Ed then cocked her head at me curiously. "Do I know you?"
I gulped and took an uncomfortable step back, eyes widening. "No! I-I just... Ed told me so much about you—at least what you looked like—and I've been stuck with these guys for days, so I was just a little happy about seeing another girl that I kind of recognize—but don't! And-and..." I trailed off, losing air as Rose starting giggling. My pride made a weak attempt at fighting back...but died half-way there. 'Chill, Felicity, chill. We don't need you losing your mind here.'
The girl in question smiled kindly. "That's okay, I understand," she said in a tone that made me feel heavily patronized. She grinned at Ed. "Edward! Long time no see. I see you've made some friends..."
So much for first impressions. My giddy excitement died down a little.
Ed stepped forward so I couldn't see his face and spoke with equal kindness, and maybe a hint of sadness. "Hey, Rose. I see you're rebuilding."
Rose gave a small smile. "Yes, we're doing all right, considering."
"Mm," Ed hummed, then stood in silence for a moment before raising his hand a little. "Hey, I hate to bother you, but we think my brother and some friends might've come here. Are they—?"
"Oh, yes!" Rose exclaimed, a look of realization dawning on her face. My spirits lifted again. "Alphonse and Winry, they're here with some friends." She nodded confirmingly. "They came just the other d—"
"Really?!" Ed anime-gasped and stepped forward urgently, his gentlemanly demeanor out the window.
Rose nodded, surprisingly unfazed. She turned and pointed down the street to where some construction workers were rebuilding. "Alphonse is helping with the reconstruction over there right n—"
She didn't have time to finish; Ed was already zipping down the street, throwing a "Thanks!" over his shoulders. Moments later, I shot forward to run right at his heels, waving a brief goodbye at Rose—though I wasn't really thinking much, just 'YES-YES-YES! Alphonse is here!' My giddy excitement was back.
And sure enough, moments after we'd started running, I caught sight of the obvious suit of armor carrying a large block of what looked like yellow bricks over to some other workers. My heart leaped, and I did the only thing I could do to avoid laughing like a maniac.
Before I say what, however, I must place a disclaimer: I am in no way responsible for my outward actions in that moment, nor will I ever be; I blame Greed for messing with my head three days before, and the fact that I hadn't seen Al for over two weeks.
"ALPHONSE!" I heard my own voice squeal, and suddenly all I could see was the metal of his armor as I buried my face in it, arms wrapped around his midsection. I felt him gasp and turn, then I muttered (whimpered more like) something that might've been, "I missed you so much."
"Felicity!"
I backed away from the boy-in-armor as he knelt to set his package down. Then, upon raising his head again, he noticed Ed, who was apparently standing right behind me now. "Ed!" Al exclaimed happily—forgetting about me—and took the two steps necessary to reach his brother and pull him into a tight embrace. "Brother, thank goodness you're okay! I heard that you went missing and—"
"Al!" Ed choked, grunting in pain. "Injured! Can't...breathe!"
"Oh!" Al gasped and let go, allowing for Ed to regather himself; the shorter boy clutched at his chest and panted for a moment. Al raised his hands. "I'm so sorry, Ed! I-I didn't know..."
Ed chuckled, raising his head to smile painfully at his younger brother. "That's okay, Al. S'not you're fault."
"Hm..." Alphonse sounded dubious, but he consented, choosing right then to turn and look at me. He tilted his head up to create the illusion of a welcoming smile on his metal face. "Hey, Felicity."
"H-hi, Al," I returned sheepishly. At this point I'd finally realized how ridiculous I must've looked a moment ago, so my voice was more subdued—and my face burning red. I still thought my stomach was going to explode, though. I half-smiled. "It's great to see you."
"Clearly," Alphonse agreed. He sounded amused; my face got hotter. His helmet shifted. "So... How did you two find us? No one said anything about going to Liore before I left."
"Well..." Ed looked toward me as his hand was lowered from his abdomen. "Turns out Felicity knew about it already."
Al's glowing orbs seemed to get bigger. "What? Really?" He looked at me. "For how long?"
Aaand, my stomach right here decided to turn around and implode; I shuffled my feet a bit. "I...kind of forgot for a while, but...I guess I..." I trailed off; I didn't know what to say anymore. In fact, my mind was completely numb. It was like a mental sugar crash; I'd gotten so hyped up on the anticipation of getting here that I'd run out of the energy necessary to think the moment someone mentioned something that I didn't want to think about.
...And now I felt sick.
So I blanked for a few moments, then sighed and rubbed the back of my greasy head wearily. "I need to sleep. ...And shower."
No one said anything to that, which left an awkward silence to fill the gap for a minute...right before Alphonse suddenly jerked backwards, his helmet turning to stare at something behind us. "I-it's Ling!"
(Thank you, topic change!)
Ed and I turned as one to watch Greed finally catch up. Clearly he'd heard Al call him Ling, because as soon as he got to us he decided to correct it; he half-smirked (or, as I like to call it, "Greed-smirked") at Al and held up the hand with the tattoo on it as he swaggered closer. "Not quite," he told him. "You were there when I took this bratty prince's body, right?"
Al half-gasped, glancing clank-ingly between Edward and me as though he were asking what the heck was going on. Well, obviously that was the case, so I found myself opening my mouth. "We ran into him a couple days ago."
"And he's been tagging along ever since," Ed added quippingly. "Apparently he's not with Father anymore."
Greed lowered the tattooed hand to his hip. "That's right, I'm totally solo now."
"Oh..." Al hesitated. "But...if you're with them, doesn't that make you part of a trio?"
The Homunculus' face briefly morphed into a scowl, but he immediately rectified it with a snarky, closed-eyes, face-down expression of self-righteousness. He grunted. "Hm, okay," Greed drawled admittedly. He opened his eyes and raised a corner of his lip in Al's direction. "Sure, maybe for now, but it's not like I was planning on staying with these freaks anyway. In fact," he added, turning to us, "you two can expect me gone by tomorrow afternoon."
Ed anime-gasped, his eyes widening as he let his foot skip forward in the dirt. "You—what?" he said sharply. I felt my muscles clench up in equal, if not greater, shock—we couldn't lose him before the Promised Day!—but I managed to keep myself composed enough to avoid getting into it; I'd had enough acting-crazy for now. "What for?"
Greed snorted. "Do you really care that much if your pal's body stays around? I have a few things to get done here, but after that: I'm gone." He tilted his head up to the side and placed a hand on his neck with a squinty-eyed expression of thoughtfulness. "Actually, I should probably get on that right now," he murmured, then smirked again. "Good luck with your own things, but I gotta dash." And with that, the Homunculus turned and left, leaving no room for argument from the dumbfounded—and clearly unhappy—Ed.
But we couldn't dwell on that—or I didn't anyway—because Al had priorities. First: Get the injured Edward to someone who knew medical. Second: Get our clearly busted up automail fixed. Three: Well, I didn't know yet, but the first two involved bringing us to Winry.
The blonde mechanic had been staying at what I was told was Rose's apartment. It was a quaint little place on the third floor of a generic building, with a neat, yellow, orange and red theme filling it: pale red couches, yellow walls, a few deeply brown, orange-y pieces of wooden furniture, a red rug in the sitting room—it was surprisingly nice for a place where violent riots had taken place only a month ago.
But we weren't there to admire the decor! Or, well, I wasn't anyway. For some reason I was getting some sick pleasure out of watching Winry try to beat Edward over the head with tools even though he was already wounded. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was the fact that it wasn't me and probably wouldn't be unless I stayed in Amestris long enough for her to have known me for years and feel comfortable hitting me with such ferocity, but I was having a hard time holding back a smug smile as they argued.
"How dare you worry me like that, alchemy freak!"
"Hey! I—"
"And now you come crawling back to me with an arm and leg so horribly busted that I'm surprised you're even walking! It's a good thing I'm as good as I am, or you really would be dead!"
CLANG! A screwdriver flew across the room and glanced off his arm.
"WINRY!"
"Do you know how terrified I was, Ed?!"
"I-I know, but maybe if you don't—"
"I thought I'd lost you!"
Everything came to a stand still there. Winry's voice had reached a pitch that no moron could mistake for petty whining, and, looking at her face, I saw that she was about ready to start crying then and there. I started. This didn't feel right; did something happen to make her more likely to believe Edward was—?
Nope. I wouldn't even speculate. 'Take it as it comes, Felicity. Just take it as it comes.'
I stayed where I was by the door, but just then I remembered the promise that Ed had made to Winry—no crying until everything was okay—and I started feeling panicky. Knox could die, Greed could act like a PMSing two year old, and Father could destroy my life, (okay no he couldn't; I felt shit over that. In fact, I felt shit over all of it; I just feel like making a point with this) but no way in hell would I feel okay with that particular promise being broken. I took in a sharp breath. "Winry..."
"What?" Winry snarled, then changed her entire demeanor the moment she looked at me—along with everyone else in the room. (Just Ed and Al.) Her eyes softened, and she sniffled, rubbing what had almost been tears out of her eyes. All eyes left me. She shook her head. "I...I'm sorry, Ed, I just—I guess I'm overreacting." She sighed, then tried a smile at Ed. "I-I...I was scared, but I guess I should've known that you were strong enough to survive whatever happened."
Ed tilted his head down, just a little, and I couldn't help but notice that he was the same height as Winry now. (Badly timed observations.) "Right..." he murmured. Then I realized something.
If I hadn't run after him back in Baschool, he would be dead. That realization made my brain go fuzzy for a moment, but I couldn't help feeling like I'd done something awesome—even if I'd caused the bad thing to happen in the first place. I tried to stifle a smirk.
Winry sighed through her nose once more, lifting her wrench in both hands as though to cradle it. "I don't know, I guess I was just doubly worried because of Felicity. I thought...maybe something had happened to her, and you might've put yourself in danger to try and help her, so—"
"W-wait a minute," I cut in, and I found that my voice sounded a lot more irritated than I'd meant—maybe a little sarcastic, too. 'I saved him.' "You were freaking out...because you thought I was putting him in danger?"
Winry almost looked ashamed for a moment—probably responding to the unnaturally harsh tone I'd just used (well, it was probably just me expecting that reaction, so I saw it)—before abruptly turning it around and developing a similar expression to what she'd been wearing a few minutes ago when she'd shouted at Ed. "Yeah," she said sharply; I froze. "And speaking of that, what kind of moron runs into a fight unprotected? You don't know the first thing about combat! And there's no way you learned it between now and the last time I saw you—how are you even alive right now?"
I deflated. 'Oh, man...'
Whenever that was over, Ed having reminded Winry of our automail issues, the mechanic decided to gather her tools and bring us into the bedroom (whichever bedroom; there was probably more than one) so that she could get to work on it.
Now, I'm no good with mechanics, but I remember her saying something about Ed's right arm's torque being messed up, and my leg's sensory nerve endings having been...also messed up somehow; in other words, Ed's arm was moving slower than it should, (I think) and I needed to have partial surgery for my automail leg—which, admittedly, had been aching lately.
But...
"Wha—I can't...What?!"
"We're going to have to find a town doctor," Winry murmured to herself, completely oblivious to my reaction as she went over to her tool box to do something; I was too shocked to focus on what. "Since I've never done surgery on my own, they'll have to be experienced. Meanwhile, I don't recommend walking anywhere. Whatever you've been doing since it was injured just made it worse. ...In fact, if you'd kept still afterwards it would be an easy fix."
Moving back over to where I sat on the bed, Winry knelt down to examine the automail some more. She hummed. "Yep. Looks like the port was jammed into the stump. If this were a real leg, the femur would be pretty badly damaged, probably shattered."
I couldn't breathe. All this stuff going on, and now this? Of all things, why did something so mundane as breaking a leg, and so not otherworldly as needing surgery, happen here? And worse, apparently operations on automail required going through it with no pain relievers.[1] I felt like the world was ending; I'd never survive to the Promised Day! I may as well have just dropped down dead. 'Kill me now.'
Winry finally noticed how disturbed I was when she stood up straight; the blonde frowned at me with concerned eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked, and I almost laughed at how oblivious she was to the obvious fact that what was "wrong" was the whole situation—or maybe the fact that I was going to be personally introduced to many sharp objects.
This really wasn't my...month.
"I—just..." I finally made myself inhale. "Are you serious? I fell down a mineshaft so now I have to get my leg cut up?" My voice squeaked a little.
And finally she realized how much it upset me. She seemed sympathetic, sighing as though she really was sorry that it had to happen. But when she looked back at me it was with a firmness that felt a lot like one of those looks my mom used to give me. (I don't think I need to specify.) "Well, if you want to keep walking then you'll have to deal with it," she asserted—not unkindly, but it went right to the pit of my stomach. "You're lucky you don't remember the actual installation process—compared to that, this is nothing!"
"Hold on," Ed cut in, and we both looked to where he was by the window. He appeared to be giving me a 'wtf' look. "You don't remember the operation?"
"Mm hm," I hummed vaguely; I hadn't really heard what tone he'd used. Winry didn't say anything, but she nodded as she went back to her tool box to get something. Still, Ed was looking at me weird. So, placing my head in my hands and closing my eyes to try to block out all the negative thoughts and feelings that bombarded my senses, I continued to reply to his comment. "I was unconscious," I muttered in a quiet, low voice. "Woke up with it after coming...um...here."
"You were..." Ed sounded almost disgusted: "Unconscious? But how—...With your mobility, you can't have been unconscious throughout the operation. It's physically impossible!"
'I didn't want to come to Liore just to go through more shit. Why did Ed have to nearly die back there?' I frowned. I hadn't really heard what'd been said, but I closed my eyes and managed an incoherent mumble of, "Hell'f I know."
I didn't get a response to that, and so afterwards kept mostly silent, brooding as Winry went to repair the more subtle things in my arms; then I watched from the side as she fixed Ed. Alphonse offered to help me into the kitchen for some supper, (without walking on my right leg; I'd probably need a wheel chair again) but, while it was tempting, I couldn't bring myself to bother getting up from the chair that I now sat in; I felt like, if I did, I would just pass out from emotional exhaustion.
Dread consumed me, (wow, dramatic) and I wondered why I'd ever felt this way back home at all. I couldn't even remember what had made the feeling justified before. Seriously, it's not like I'd ever felt more pain than that one time when I bruised my leg so bad I couldn't walk for days—and that was just a freaking bruise!
'Funny how I can go from feeling ecstatic to wishing I could die in so short a time.'
'You don't want to die; don't be dramatic.'
'...I wish I could go home.'
'You can't go home yet either; don't think about that.'
'Maybe this whole thing is a coma induced dream and it won't hurt so bad.'
'It's not; don't get your hopes up.'
'Ggh! Just shut up, will you?'
'I am the voice of reason; you can't shut me up.'
'Can you at lease stop coming up in the form of actual words in my head?'
'Honey, you're doing it to yourself.'
"ARG! What the hell is wrong with me?!"
"Huh?"
"What?"
I looked up from the floor to see Winry and Alphonse staring at me, while Ed, lying on his back with Winry hovering over him, clearly grimaced, but he didn't turn his head. I swallowed. "Um, nothing. I was just thinking out loud."
"Hmm." Winry turned back to Ed's shoulder. "That's not the first time you've done that," she said thoughtfully, almost accusingly. But the fact that she didn't say anything more told me...nothing. At least I wasn't asked to explain.
I noticed Al continuing to stare at me, but I couldn't read his body language from where I sat—and I wasn't going to turn my head and provoke a conversation—so I went back to keeping quiet.
It was a few hours later (maybe three? I didn't know what time it was, but by this time the sun had set) when Winry finally decided that anything she could fix then and there—which was everything except my leg; she actually took that off to repair later so I wouldn't accidentally make it worse—was in mint condition. By then I had successfully turned off my brain so that I didn't even remember how we'd gotten to Liore. Not that I cared anymore; in fact, I felt a little better because of it.
Anyway, Ed went to pass out in one of the guest bedrooms, (apparently there were two, not counting this one; this one was Rose's) and all of Winry, Alphonse, and an after-work Rose offered to help me into the one I'd have to share with the blonde mechanic. I asked if I could just sleep in the sitting room instead though, and thankfully they said yes without question; I didn't want to sleep in a room with Winry right now. Why? ...Because Alphonse.
After being carried into the room by said suit of armor—of course Winry and Rose didn't really need to help—and being allowed to lay down on one of the couches, and after the other girls had left for bed, I stopped Alphonse from leaving. "Hey, Al?" I called uncertainly to his back.
"Hm?" He turned, somehow able to soften the sounds of his armor clanking. "What is it, Felicity?"
"Um..." I started to talk, but my mind suddenly went blank. 'Crap. Crap crap crap. How do I say this?' I wanted to tell Alphonse what had happened to me back at Father's lair; I needed him to know about what was bothering me. (Other than the surgery, I mean; that's a given.) How does a person explain something like that? 'Oh, by the way, my soul was tortured to the brink of slicing my life down the middle'? No.
Thinking about it, though, I wasn't entirely sure why I wanted to tell him. I mean, sure, he needed to know what was going on with his friend, but at the time I didn't really know if he thought of me that way.
So...no. No, I knew why. The reason I wanted him to know...
...I don't even want to write it down, even if no one sees it. Okay, fine. I wanted his pity. There. I felt like shit, I had been feeling like shit for the past couple of months, and I only saw shit-triggers (like the whole surgery thing) in my future. Yeah, as selfish as it sounds, I wanted someone other than myself to feel sorry for me, and Alphonse Elric, for reasons I couldn't decipher, was the only person whose pity I felt like wouldn't kick my pride-hurt so much.
Maybe it was because he couldn't give pitiful looks without muscles in his face.
Anyway, Al seemed to understand that I was struggling with something and walked over to the couch that was sitting directly across from mine, sighing as he sat down. "Okay, what's wrong?"
I sat up, opened my mouth, then closed it. My stomach knotted up. '...'
Al's head tilted down seriously. "You haven't been acting the same since you got back." The helmet went to the side. "I might've expected May's reaction to seeing me being what you did out there, but not yours." He hesitated, then sighed again, this time more subtly. "I know I haven't known you for that long, Felicity, but no one can go from being that happy to screaming at themselves in such a short time without good reason." His voice went soft, and I could practically hear—and see—his desire to fix whatever problem there was. "So, what's going on?"
I opened my mouth again, then closed it so hard it made a little clup sound. 'What was that?' It had felt like...bile. Like I was about to throw up as soon as it was given leeway. I tried again, but this time my breathing went out, so I closed it. I took a deep breath, trying to settle my stomach, and decided to force myself to talk. "I—" But I was cut off again, this time by the muscles in my chest clenching up so tightly I couldn't form words. 'What is wrong with me?'
I tried again. "Alphonse, I—" I swallowed; there was a heat in my face, but it was different from how it had been all those times before. I took a shaky breath. "Th-the other day, we—... A-and—I—" I choked, again and again, then suddenly my head was forced forward as an even more sudden gust of air—somehow, it seemed, all the air in my lungs and stomach—burst out of me. I closed my eyes to try and make the nausea go away, but it just happened again, this time through my nose, and again, and again...
'I can't take this...'
Pretty soon I had my elbows on what was left of my knees and my head in my hands. I couldn't stop the convulsions, and, miraculously, I didn't care. My eyes felt wet; I tasted salt. My chest felt tight. I heard Al get up and move closer, but it didn't register until a cool hand on my back caused me to jerk up and breathe a deep, relieving gulp of air. I looked up, my vision blurry, and heard a little whimper that definitely wasn't Alphonse.
Okay, that bothered me a little. But the embarrassment was forgotten as the boy wrapped his arm around me and forced me to lean against him. "It's okay," he murmured, and a small part of me stirred. It was whatever part that remembered what it was like to cry in front of someone, and it wasn't like how I'd imagined it felt...
"You can tell me later," Alphonse said softly, moving his arm a little so that it didn't seem so much like I was leaning against an inanimate object. I whimpered again.
...It felt good.
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[1]: I know, I know, a lot of your are (or will be in a second) thinking about how Felicity had the surgery while unconscious. I HAVE AN ANSWER TO THAT! But not yet. *cackles evilly* (I just don't want half the reviews to be about that...Or about Greed!)
