Hey so sorry about that whole 'I'm leaving' thing, I really thought I was because I was so busy reading The Mortal Instruments series that all I could think about was Jace and Clary so now I'm back. Do you know when you just start a book and you are fangirling so hard you can't breathe? Yeah, well that's what was happening. Okay so I'm officially back. Please REVIEW! Okay love you guys. -Sofia
Chapter Twenty-Nine Tris POV-
I open my eyes and scan my surroundings, I'm in a hospital room in the Dauntless compound. I remember talking to Lynn and realizing I was going to pass out, it's kind of sad that I've passed out so many times I know when it'll happen.
I feel something in my nose and see that a thin, clear tube right under my nose, it's attached to something I recognize from school; it's an oxygen tank. My chest aches and I'm exhausted so I close my eyes again but I don't try to sleep, I just lie there. I've been feeling awful lately but I've been trying so hard to cover it up even around Tobias. I'm not sure why I hide it but I just do it without thinking, it's been getting harder. My head feels horrible and I knew that I should've been sleeping instead of doing simulations, maybe if I'd actually listened to Dr. Winston I wouldn't be here.
I hear something and I open my eyes to see Addison and I know she's here to chastise me for watching the fear landscapes instead of sleeping at home. She sighs and shakes her head at me disapprovingly and I feel like a small child.
"It's my fault you passed out, I let you be discharged way too early and now
Dr. Winston doesn't trust you to stay home and sleep so you were admitted to psych for being unfit for making medical decisions." She says and I'm a little offended.
"Psych? I'm not crazy." I say and she shakes her head.
"No but it's the only way to keep you here; you're not surgical and you don't need chemo for another two days so psych is our only option. You will be taken to the psych floor pretty soon and I'm sorry but you aren't allowed to see anyone since were pretending you're crazy." She explains and I groan, I'm going to be stuck in this hospital all alone, great.
"So what am I supposed to do?" I ask.
"You can sleep and eat, those are basically only your options." She says.
"Why do I need this?" I ask pointing to the oxygen tank.
"Well there is some fluid built up around your lungs but not quite enough for us to remove without risking damage you healthy lung tissue so all we can do is give you oxygen for now. You passed out because your brain wasn't getting enough oxygen so we're just taking precautions." She says and I groan again, why must my life be so messed up?
Addison fiddles with some machines around me and then leaves so I'm all alone in my hospital room. I'm going to be alone for a long, long time, this isn't how I want to spend the rest of my life. I don't want to die alone but it isn't up to me anymore. I wish she hadn't told me I'd be stuck here because then maybe I might not want to scream and punch the wall. I want to scream until I can't anymore but if I do then I'll seem like I actually am crazy.
I feel as if my insides are slowly expanding and if I don't do something they'll keep expanding and tear me to shreds. I want to scream, no, I need to scream. I need to do something besides cry and screaming is my only other option so I have to scream before I go crazy. I can't keep my mouth shut much longer and it's getting harder and harder to not scream so I bite my lip so hard I taste blood and I stop.
Finally I can't take it anymore, I really need to do something before I go crazy in this room, the only sound is my oxygen tank making a deep humming sound and the muffled sound of conversations outside of my room. I put my hand on my forehead and without even thinking I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I take a moment to recover my sanity and let my hand drop to my side, I can't go crazy in here, I can't. I close my eyes and drift off.
Cass POV-
When the ranks go up I shriek in shock; I made it through initiation, I'm Dauntless now. Emily, who's standing beside me, screams in anger; she didn't make it and even though she's my friend I don't really like her so I'm glad she was cut. She was so annoying and self-possessed and she got in the way of my plan to get Four since she has a crush on him too.
Today is going really well for me; Emily was cut, I'm now a Dauntless and on my way to see the ranks I saw Six and Four in the Pit fighting. Their fight seemed pretty bad considering she picked a fight in the middle of the Pit.
I am so happy I decide to leave the crowd and just wander through the Pit and go shopping. Maybe I could make friends with that Dauntless born girl named Jade, she seemed okay.
I get into the clothing store and get some jeans because I haven't used that many points so far. I'm looking through a rack of skirts by the front of the store and I look out the display window to see the two Dauntless born trainers, a boy I don't recognize, a girl with a shaved head and Four rushing through the Pit. Four has someone in his arms and I look again and see its Six unconscious in his arms. My eyes cling to them as they rush away and it takes me a minute to shake it off.
I go back to the rack of skirts and I see a short leather skirt with gold studs down the sides. I love it.
"That's a cute skirt." I hear a voice say and I look up to see Jade standing on the other side of the rack.
"Thanks, can I tell you something?" I ask; it's time to let someone else in on my plan.
"Sure." She says and I grin.
"Me and that other guy, Ian, have a plan to split Six and Four up." I say smirking and she looks at me like I'm crazy.
"That's going to be hard considering they've been dating ever since he was her instructor last year." She says and the news stuns me; they've been dating longer then I thought.
"Oh," It's all there is to say.
"Good thing you have me to help you." She says and I look up and see a smirk on her lips.
"We should go back to the dorms, I'll buy the skirt later." I say and she nods.
We go to the Dauntless born initiates dorm since they're all in the Pit celebrating and all. Once inside I tell her how I saw him and Christina arguing about Six and how I think he's cheating on her. I tell her about how I'm going to pay a few girls to kiss Four when he isn't with Six and then have Six find them kissing. Then while Six and Four are fighting Ian is going to kiss Six in front of Four and make it look like she kissed him. This'll make them break up and I'll try and cheer up Four by talking to him and I'll make sure I'm wearing perfect outfits around him.
"Okay we need to go shopping, all your clothes are ugly; you need something more edgy." Jade says and I nod.
We walk to the Pit and we talk about cute outfit ideas, I'm going to have to wear tighter clothes that are more revealing so I look prettier. We walk into the clothing store and rush straight towards the rack with the skirt on it. We pick out a few outfits and I head towards the changing room and I put on the first outfit; a tight black shirt that ends right below my ribcage so it shows my thin stomach. To match it I have on a pair of sky blue short jeans that are a little too short but I don't care. The shorts are blue but they look good with the tight crop top I'm wearing, it looks more like a tight tank top that someone cut in half.
I walk out of the dressing room to show Jade who grins as soon as she sees me. I spin around and stare at my reflection for a long time until Jade breaks the silence.
"You look amazing!" Jade says and I grin at her in the mirror, we have a long day of shopping ahead of us.
Tobias POV-
Tris is carried off to a room on a gurney and I'm stuck in the waiting room. She is going to kill me if she keeps blacking out like this, it scares the hell out of me knowing she could just drop unconscious at any moment and she might never wake up. She's done it to me three times now and I shocked I've made it this far without breaking.
We've been fighting a lot lately and every time I have to remind myself it's not her fault she's lashing out but it's getting difficult not to yell back. I'm mad at her for making me love her and then dying right in front of me over and over again and making believe she's gone forever and then deciding to stay alive. I'm mad at her for making me love her and then just leaving me, I mean she's still here but she's not. She's not Tris anymore; just someone who looks like her, occasionally Tris break through but that's almost never. No matter what she does I have to be there because in the small possibility that she survives and starts being Tris again, I can't be gone. I also know it must be harder on her then it is on me and she can't do it alone or she won't make it.
Christina looks at her feet and leans her head on Will's shoulder, she's crying. Lynn just stands there next to me and we stare at the door to the room that contains Tris. After a while a Addison walks out of Tris' room. I hear a scream from the room and I can't take it much longer so I leave the hospital and go towards the chasm. It takes me a moment to realize that I came here to climb down the rocks but last time I was there I was with Tris so that won't help. I lean over the railing and look at the hazardous waters below.
I stand like this for about half an hour before I hear someone call my name. I turn around to see Zeke walking towards the railing and I turn back to the chasm. Zeke stops once he gets to me and stands next to me and leans over the railing, he doesn't say anything now and I'm thankful for that. The only person I want to talk to is Tris right now so I don't say anything either, we just stand there in silence.
"Tris is up." Zeke says and I look at him.
"That's not funny." I say and he smirks.
"I wasn't joking." Zeke says and I search for the sarcasm in his voice but it isn't there.
Together we walk through the Pit and towards the infirmary to see Tris, I need to see her otherwise I might go crazy. She's done this to me three times now and every time I think she's dead and I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I burst through the doors of the hospital and see Addison, the nurse Tris likes, standing by the nurses station. I go towards her to ask her where Tris is but before I can say anything she turns around and smiles sympathetically at me.
"I'm so sorry about Tris but we have no other option." She says and my heart speeds up; why is she sorry?
"What?" I ask tensely and she quickly back pedals.
"Oh, sorry, Tris is fine it's just you can't see her. She was supposed to be sleeping but instead she was wondering around Erudite and watching fear landscapes so we have to admit her. You aren't allowed to visit her, that's why I said sorry." She explains and I calm down.
"Why can't I see her?" I ask and Addison goes on to explain that they had to pretend she was crazy so they could keep her here and make sure she's sleeping.
"Oh, when is she allowed out?" I ask and Addison sighs.
"Well everyone recovers from surgery different but I think she'll take about a little over a week to recover." She says and I feel as if I swallowed a stone, I won't see Tris for over a week.
"Oh, okay." I say trying to stay calm.
I walk away from Addison and towards Max's office; he wanted to see Tris so they could talk about her condition but clearly she can't so I have to. I'm not too thrilled to be talking to Max because once him and the leaders find out everyone in Dauntless will find out. I know Tris doesn't want people to know she's dying but it was getting pretty obvious so people were going to find out one way or another.
Pretty soon I'm standing in front of Max's office; I knock on the door before opening it. I walk inside to see Max sitting at his desk, typing on his computer. He doesn't notice me at first so I clear my throat and he looks up at me but doesn't say anything.
"You wanted to see Tris?" I say and he looks at me coldly.
"You're not Tris." He says coldly.
"Yeah well she couldn't make it." I say and he smirks.
"Was she too tired? Too busy cowering in a ball?" He asks and I glare at him.
"No she's in the hospital." I spit at him and for a second his eyes widen but then he quickly changes his face so it looks emotionless.
"Is she dead?" He asks impatiently.
"No but she's unconscious." I lie.
"Mind filling me in on her situation?" Max says motioning to the chair in front of his desk.
I sit down and start from the beginning; I tell him how we found out only two weeks ago and how she's had two brain surgeries already. I tell him how she's had one dose of chemo and that she has stage IV metastatic melanoma. By the time I'm done almost an hour has passed. Max just nods and silently I pray that Tris won't be kicked out of Dauntless, I don't know why I think she might but I just do.
"Okay, you can go." He says and I give him a weird look.
"Why do you care?" I ask and he shrugs.
"When one of your members is dying it's helpful to know." He explains and I stand up. I leave his office without another word and go straight to my apartment, I don't really want to go home to an empty apartment but I have nowhere else to go.
