A/N: Ammguh! Chapter twenty-nine! Sorry it's been so long, folks. RL consumes, other plotbunnies bite, and there was a veritable tornado of other mitigating factors.

Star Trek isn't mine! Nor is that old show Space Cases. I wonder if you remember it. Radu (Curly blonde hair, super-ears, fantastic temper) was partial inspiration for Gojyo. But only 'cause Radu was hot like none other. And sensitive. Um. And a few other things that appear in this chapter aren't mine either. I don't want to spoil it, though. XD One reference appears especially for WildeLamassu, God love her.

Anywho, I'm glad y'all liked the Valentine's Day chapter. Much love to all the contributors. Today's buzzword is: Cookie. As suggested by Ramen (eff eff dot net author: Ramenkitty) C eesh for cookie, that's good enough for meeee...

Notes to reviewers at the end of this installment. Whoopee...


Somewhere, there is the buzz and whir and click of space-age technology being loud and proud about it. Melodic beeping is followed by an angry hiss, and the door to the apartment is slammed open with no amount of ceremony.

"Shut the stupid thing up!" Gojyo cries, frantically waving his arms. "It's louder than I am!" He desperately resists the urge to sit down from reassertion of exhaustion, thrumming with fictional exuberance and parading about in unnecessarily shiny pants and a whole lot of supplementary nudity. His hair is done up in a high ponytail, his skin has darkened to olive, and he sports an extra set of eyebrows that waggle more freely than the original pair. His antennae truly function as such, twitching with his every movement and picking up changes in his comrades' physical emotions.

Hakkai kneels on the floor of the entryway where he landed, peering intelligently into the screen. He is, in short, a fantastic Vulcan. "I'm trying, I'm trying," Hakkai murmurs softly, his slim, white fingers dancing over the console. "Captain, please occupy Gojyo. His pacing is highly distracting."

Sanzo, his insides rebelling but determined not to be the one to break character, dives upon Gojyo and sits on his stomach. He commences to pet Gojyo's hair and the redhead purrs, relaxing. "Just our luck we're stuck with an extra saru," he mutters.

Goku bites him hard on the ear. Sanzo yelps and swats at the sentient, tan monkey sitting on his shoulder. Goku dodges, settling on Sanzo's other side, and retorts, "That's what you get. I'm s'posed to be resentful anyhow." He chitters gleefully and tugs at a lock of Sanzo's hair. "Don't stop pettin' him. It's the only thing that gets him to settle down."

Gojyo releases a pleased but indignant mumble from the floor. Sanzo, for good measure, risks a tweak of his ear and is slightly vindicated when his annoyance is still part of his character. The monk is still a holy man, but this time plays a Christian ambassador to the cosmos, chasing Jesus and spreading the Word all at the same time. He is cloaked in clothing far too tight and black to be fully holy, but this only reaffirms that the role had always been meant for Sanzo. The blonde glances over to his navigator-cum-technological wizard and asks, "What are you getting?"

"Wait for it..." Hakkai must speak slowly and deliberately, focusing on perfect enunciation and maintaining an expressionless visage. It is not easy after years of repeated smiling in both false and honest means. "Ah. Gentlemen, I believe I have done it."

Sanzo does not stop petting Gojyo, and thus the redhead does not sit up. Goku bounds from Sanzo's shoulder and lights on Hakkai, staring raptly into the computer screen. "Sanzo," he whispers, "We've got...internet!"

Hakkai sits back, trying not to look genuinely pleased. Anticipation floods the room, smothering and feeding all at once. Sanzo does not ask Goku to repeat his statement, although he is sorely tempted. Gojyo grunts in disapproval as Sanzo's fingers tighten in his hair. He loosens up a bit.

"Well, where shall we go?" asks Hakkai, flexing his fingers.

"Somewhere," Sanzo replies quickly, "where there aren't any writers."

Hakkai bites down on his tongue to keep from laughing. "Yes, sir."

"Hakkai, Hakkai," Goku calls, bouncing on his shoulder, "let's start with us!"

Hakkai casts a stolidly unamused glance to the monkey by his ear and responds, "Morbidly curious, are we? Fine, then. I'll run a search on the four of us."

Point oh-three-seven seconds later (as their connection is wireless and deftly avoids the vagaries of dial-up) Hakkai has to try very hard to keep his jaw from dropping. Sanzo and Goku, unhindered by such emotive boundaries, are free with their shock.

"I..." squeaks Goku, "I don't think I can count that high."

"Probably can't," sneers Sanzo, leaving his post atop Gojyo to come and lean over the screen with the others. Goku, sensing opportunity, yanks on Sanzo's nearest sideburn and chitters again at the insult.

"Well," says Hakkai, "let's play roulette. I scroll until someone tells me to stop, and then I click the link. Here goes."

It is Goku who declares it, with both paws clasped over his bright, big, golden eyes. "Stop already."

Hakkai nods, clicks the first link he reaches, and suddenly the screen goes purple. The beeping that Hakkai had been unable to stop turns into music, a soft techno beat and falsetto. On the screen, offset by virtue of shading against the purple background, is a rapidly growing, very familiar silhouette. Three beats. Hakkai can no longer maintain his character, just as Gojyo sits up to catch a very fleeting glimpse of his likeness in very, very tight pants. And a little red half-shirt.

As the kappa gapes, Hakkai dissolves into laughter and collapses helplessly under a suddenly full-grown Goku on his shoulder. Even as the boy scrambles to get up, struggling and surprised, Hakkai can't stop laughing. He takes one look at Gojyo and laughs harder.

"Was...was..." Gojyo stammers.

Goku, sufficiently recovered, laughs openly. "Yuh. You. About to shake whatcha momma gave ya."

The only response Gojyo can come up with then is, "At least I've got one! I'mma beat yours off! Get back here!" He darts to his feet and pounds after Goku, racing through the tiny apartment like a pair of elephants and bellowing at the top of his lungs.

Hakkai sits up, coughing a bit at having had the wind knocked out of him by Goku. He glances over to Sanzo's horrified expression and chuckles a bit.

"I am suddenly thankful that we don't have a regular internet connection," Sanzo mutters, still staring at the place where the stolen console had been.

"I suppose I am glad I only found something concerning Gojyo and not myself. It was a bad conquest in the first place," Hakkai agrees.

At that, Sanzo snorts. "Bad. It's only so popular because most people aren't trafficking images of themselves unless they want to."

Hakkai nods. "Just be glad we don't have to do fanart as well." When Sanzo's expression crumbles, Hakkai smiles and gets to his feet, nudging the monk's shoulder before answering the whining coming from the mess made in Goku's bedroom.


Gojyo sits, relaxing and smoking, on the couch. Hakkai is cooking in the kitchen, making flapjacks to soothe a sudden craving and utilizing the newest random food gift bequeathed to them that day. Snozberries dot the batter in bright array, and a tantalizing scent of breakfast for dinner fills the apartment.

"Oi," Gojyo murmurs, knowing Hakkai can hear him and wanting to open lines of communication. "I been thinking."

"Uh oh," Hakkai murmurs with exaggerated melodrama.

Gojyo resists the urge to throw something at him. "Funny," he comments dryly. "No really, though. I mean...we all have numbers, right?"

It takes Hakkai a moment to realize what Gojyo means, and when he does he nods. "Sanzo is three, you are five, et cetera?"

"Yeah yeah," Gojyo responds, glad his audience is keeping up. "But do the math for a moment, wouldja? I mean, it's weird to think about. Five plus three is eight. So does that mean me and San-chan make you? Or what about three squared? So does that mean Goku's twice the man Sanzo is? Or three times? And does two of me make a Tenpou?"

Hakkai laughs. "That last one was uncalled-for."

"This whole idea's uncalled-for," Gojyo retorts, "but I'm sayin' it anyway. What's all that mean for us, huh? Is it a coincidence or is the math important?"

One shrugged shoulder is Gojyo's reply until Hakkai finishes a batch and turns around. "Well, you do know the original point behind the meanings in our names, correct?"

"Yeah, yeah, Buddhist concepts, paths of righteousness, blah blah blah. But you can't tell me everything's coincidental. I've been a part of too many bits of good writing to believe in that sort of shit. Too many bits of bad writing too. Like I'm red and you're green. Complements. And not just like sexually, you know? So if you minus Sanzo is me, or vice versa, or all sorts of other crazy mathematical crap, what's it mean? Five and eight is thirteen. We unlucky or something?"

Hakkai laughs, interrupting him. "I'd believe that." He plates a pile of snozberry pancakes and motions for Gojyo to come over.

"But if you wanna play with luck," Gojyo continues, hopping up and rubbing out his cigarette in an ash tray, "thirty-five is divisible by seven. Five and nine is fourteen, also a seven-thing going on. That's funny in a Western way, you know? Me an' Sanzo, me an' Goku, both lucky as hell. But only you and me get thirteen." He leans against the counter and snitches a steaming pancake with bare fingers, blowing on it before taking a big bite. "Mmm," he hums in appreciation.

Bent over the stove and the bowl of batter in his hands, Hakkai says, "How long have you been thinking about this?"

Gojyo grins sheepishly. "A while. Not so hot at math, me. I kinda stole a few out-of-character intelligent moments from some fictions to figure it out, though. Like alternate universes where I could read real well or beat you at cards." He grabs another pancake and swallows before adding, "Being a high school student has its perks, then."

Hakkai smiles. "You know, Gojyo, eight and nine is seventeen. A Tenpou divided by a Gojyo is two. Plus you again makes...oh, would you look at that! Seven! If you want to play with two, then two of Goku is eighteen. Minus a Tenpou makes me. A Tenpou and a Sanzo would, by your standards, be highly unlucky, and if we put Goku and Goku-chan in the same room that's either twenty-seven Sanzos or eight Tenpous and a one left over. Sixteen of you with that same lonely one."

"To control them or to keep up?" Gojyo comments wryly, allowing himself to be unseated without much of a fight. He begins eating his third pancake and pads over to the fridge, taking a swig of milk straight from the carton even though Hakkai thwaps him with his spatula.

"Hey, it was just something to think about," Gojyo mutters, taking his place at the counter again and finishing the third pancake.

The light goes off and a sheet of paper slides out of the counter to the tune of a pleasant chime. Hakkai grabs it, skims it, and turns off the stove.

"Oh dear, I hope the others will get back before the pancakes cool. It's our unlucky day, Gojyo," he murmurs mischievously, motioning toward the door. Gojyo does not get it until they are outside, and then throws his head back to laugh.


Notes: Whoo. Sci-fi and number play. Yeah, baby.

Wynjara: XD Sanzo, I'm sure, was a holy terror once he left his bedroom (although he took the requisite few hours to compose himself) but I felt like leaving the boys intact!

D-chan: You don't have to be eloquent - lol your emotion is conveyed clearly enough. Psh, like I'm eloquent enough to merit it anyhow. Glad you liked it - I really feel that what you quoted was definitely Homura's best line. I giggled while writing. Woo.

Nightengale13: Fuck you? Is that your pick-up line? XD Points for gettin' straight to the fuckin' point! Glad you liked the chapter. XD If that's an understatement, I apologise.

Onezumi: Points! I once got told that by an old guy on the street. Just some random old guy. Creepy points it is! Hee, I'm rapidly garnering a reputation as a sleeping-roommate's nightmare. Glad you liked the chapter XD

Asian-Orange: Narsty points. I love it XDDDD Hope your spleen's feeling better though. Meep Meep!

Mezi: Aww! I know that line! Points for nostalgia! My CG teacher used it on me lol.

LadyQueenscove: Yes, yes I did. You caught me. Bubbly Sanzo. Woo. Oh, and POINTS XD Not only for the line, but for catching the frozen jelly reference. Love to you!

Jadesqord: Hee, it's a-okay if you couldn't think up a pickupline. "Aziraphale" and "Tenpou" in one review does it well enough for me XD

Khascat: Nice to meet you! Easter, hmm? I see ... chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. Hmmm...

Orenda: POINTS! I LIKE that one! Lol!

P3c: Hallo you XD And you actually gave...constructive criticism? Excuse me while I tear up with love for you. And as to your question - well, I could have them go on strike. With burly OC's coming in to shove them into ficland. Ooh, flying Sanzo-ikkou. I hear Edd crying "Gracious!"

Caffinebunny: Points...although I have no freakin' idea what the first line was. Um. Yes.

Joonie: Points! Lol it would only have been worse if you'd said "You complete me." Oh wait. Homura did that XD

Sparrow319: Points. I'm freakin' drowning in all your contributions XD Lmao at the tic-tac. Sock? noo-oo it's just a breathmint. And, uh, as for Kenren's favors - Opti suggested it on that one. Read real closely. Kenren + silver tongue. Now get rid of the 'silver' and think about Kenren real hard. Yesss.

Blades of Ice: Aw, thank you! I adore chapter 28 as well!

Lillie: Nice to meet you! And points for originality as well as verbal punniness. Good one XD Ooh, I was recommended in a forum? Really? Neat-o jet! Thank you for reading.

VG Terra: Yes, of course you make sense. I've seen the shift myself, but as one grows and evolves so must the story. Otherwise I think I'd run out of material. Having everybody live with one another, however, poses so many interesting possibilities I can't help but keep them out of fiction for a while. Lol heaven forbid I start a Breakroom offshoot with some vaguely serious material. I think I'll just keep it at Gojyo waxing ineptly philosophical and Hakkai laughing at him. Yesss...