I do not own Twilight-Stephenie Meyer does.

A World of One

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I wrapped my arms around his neck and inhaled his scent. He was my oxygen, my life source. I closed my eyes, letting our lips fade from urgency to long and deep and passionate.

I felt him pull back and grab my hand, entwining our fingers. My hand tingled and my heart was out of control.

"Is this what love feels like?"

He looked at me.

Yes.

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We're all sitting around the large polished table. There's Carlisle, sitting at the head of the wood. If you can say there's a head to a circle. He's looking at his hands, a small frown carved into his fore head, he is completely still. Then there is Esme, she's on the right of Carlisle, her hand over her husbands, a huge smile spread on the lower half of her face. Her curls look alive as they bounce, her head looking around the room. Carlisle may be completely still, but Esme is opposite. She looks like she's having trouble keeping in the seat.
Emmett is next to Esme, he's tapping a soft beat with his shoe, his head subconsciously bobbing along to the silent music. He's smiling slightly at Rosalie, but his eyes show a different story. I wonder why. Maybe he doesn't want to find out what had happened to everybody during those awful three months.
Rosalie's in between Emmett and Alice. No emotion is written anywhere, she's completely still except for a slight breeze blowing through the open rooms, rustling her hair. I wonder if she'll tell Emmett about her near wedding. I wonder what he would make of that.
Then there's Alice. She's not quite back to normal. She smiles and she laughs, she's happy and the light is almost completely back in her eyes, but she's still not…the same. It's the way she holds herself; she seems a bit self conscious, a bit too careful.
Jasper is, naturally, next to Alice. He's like Rosalie in the sense that he isn't smiling. He never seemed to smile before and I guess that never changed. I guess he's happy. I mean, surely you'd have to be happy. He got his family back. One of his hands is covering Alice's; the other is below the table.
I'm next. I can't stop fidgeting. I'm like Esme, but I'm not squirming with happiness, I'm squirming with nerves. Maybe I don't want to know what had happened to these people. I wanted to run and make excuses to leave, but I was afraid I was too late. What if they cried? What was I meant to do then? What if they continued to blame themselves? My god, what if they congratulated me. I didn't want that. I didn't deserve it, I hadn't done anything special. All I'd done was the same thing that anybody else would have done in my position. Brought them back.
Edward's in between Carlisle and me. He's either good at hiding his nerves or he hasn't got violent butterflies in his stomach like me. His face is calm, cool and controlled. He isn't a statue, but he isn't expressing emotion. I can't read the inside of his mind. I can't see past the mask he has put on, and I wonder briefly if that was intentional. His ankle is lightly grazing mine, it's cold but I don't move. I look down at the polished table, my pale face gleaming back. I swallow the bile and nerves that raise up my throat.

My god I want to leave. I want the waiting to be over.

It seems like a century later that Jasper clears his throat. Why am I nervous? It feels like I can't breathe properly, my chest constricted. I gasp silently for air. I notice Esme's hand tighten slightly on Carlisles. I realise that maybe she is a little nervous after all.

"I'm going to talk about party to present. You may not like some of the stuff I say. You may not agree with my opinions and choices. I'm going to tell the truth and this might frighten us all, but some stupid feeling in me tells me that if I don't tell the truth, if we don't all tell the truth, then we've broken this family. That nothing will be able to repair us. And I don't want that." Jasper stops talking and swallows deeply. "I was the first Bella found, so I'll go first I guess."

I slowly count to ten in my mind, ignoring the wild thumping of my heart.

"Okay. Bella was holding the present in her hands, I remember looking at the silver wrapping. Why do we have wrapping paper? We all find out what's under the paper in the end. It seems like such a waste of paper, such a waste of time. The box is wrapped perfectly; of course it was Alice who did it. The human is blushing slightly and I have to advert my gaze. How can Edward stand it? How can he continue to be put through such scarily dangerous situations? How can he keep his control? She looks over the box a few times, tossing it twice in her hands. Is she trying to guess what the wrapping contains? I look back at her face; her lips are parted slightly in concentration. My eyes narrow as I watch her attempt to unwrap the present, her fingers are fumbling clumsily around the gift-wrap.
"I almost smile at the human-ness about her.
"Almost.
"I watch as she tears a finger along the spine of the box, a triumphant gleam about her. I can feel the emotions washing off her. She's angry at getting a present yet excited at the same time. She's nervous and happy, a little paranoid and slightly embarrassed. She's…
"I hear her heart stop as she rips back her finger, a miniscule drop of blood on the tip.

"And that's all it takes.

"The fire explodes powerfully in my throat; I feel my useless lungs fill with her scent, drowning myself. A small war is raging in my chest, a fire that isn't going to be extinguished easily.
"That's my last sane thought. A thought about a fire and a war and a catastrophe. I guess that pretty much sums me up. A blackness begins to fill my body, from the heart, spreading outwards as I leap towards her. All family ties forgotten.

"I am a predator and she is my prey."

Edward looks up sharply but Jasper shrugs. "I said I was going to be honest."

I didn't think he'd be that honest.

"I slam into Edward," he continues. "Why is he standing there? Does he not realise he's in my way? A growl erupts from my fire-filled chest. This seems to anger the red-haired vampire; he sends me a look with his eyes that I will never, ever forget. It was a look of pure hatred.
"The fire in my throat is killing me slowly. I need this human. I need her now. I snap at her, reaching my teeth around Edward's arm.
"Almost.
"Nearly.

"And then I am being dragged away, strong arms wrapping around my waist. Pulling me. Pulling me away from my prey.
"I growl at these arms. What do they think they're doing?

"And then I am staring at my prey and I realise that it isn't my prey at all. It's Bella. The human who was trying to have a party. It's Bella. My sister. It's Bella. The one I almost killed.
"I see the look of fear in her eyes; something hits me harder than her beautiful smell erupting from the glass slivers that are wedged crudely in her arm. It's an emotion that I can't quite place. Regret?
"I let Emmett drag me as I slump down. I let his strong arms guide me. Why did nobody else get impacted?
"Why am I so weak?

"I see the blame in Alice's eyes. Oh god Jasper, what have you done? I see the hurt in her eyes.

"And I run. I ran out of my brother's grasp. I run and run, refusing to think. I stop only when the realisation of what I have just done becomes too much. Squashing my shoulders, causing a weight that is impossible to support.
"And I fall, I am vaguely aware of somebody calling my name, the sound carrying wearingly thin through the cloudy night. But I am too much of a coward to face their furious wrath. I am too much of a coward to call back.

"So I do the only thing I'm good at.

"I disappear."

"You didn't have to disappear," Alice whispers slowly, she's looking down at the table, avoiding Jaspers gaze. A lump develops in my throat and my tear ducts start working over-time. I swallow roughly, not letting the moisture spill over my lids.
"I'm sorry." Jasper whispers, his mouth is turned down at the corners and I sigh.
"I went looking for you, you know. I really did try to find you." Alice pulls her hand off her husbands, collecting the small hands in her lap.

"I know." Jasper said. "I saw you."

His voice is barely audible and I look away. This is beyond awful. This is out of control.

"I'm watching the rock I just kicked skid across the ground, smashing and splintering along the paved stone. I remember envying the stone. I'm envying its simple life.
"It could never hurt its family.
"It didn't have a family.
"I can feel the pain radiating off her and it hurts because I also feel the hope. The hope that I'm about to squash. I want her to give up. I will her to return home and forget about me.
"I retreat to the rooftops, the tiles are falling apart and I have to catch one before it smashes to the ground. She can't know that I'm here. Not yet.
"I watch her walk around, silently calling my name. She's whispering 'Jasper, Jasper,' over and over again. It hurts but it sounds half-hearted. I know that my baby has given up.

"I really wanted to go up to you. You have no idea how badly I had to fight the urges to run up and wrap my arms around you. Probably the hardest thing I have ever had to resist. I needed you to know that I was there. Maybe it was weak, what I did. Maybe it was better that you thought I had left. Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did."

Alice's hand twitches as it tightens into a ball, concealing something.

"I pulled off my wedding band. It slid scarily easily off my finger. Was it meant to be? "I'm sorry my beautiful angel," I breathe onto the golden ring before I toss it down to the ground, letting it roll near her feet.
"I watch for a moment as she bends over, picking up the glinting metal that for decades had bind us together, had been proof of our everlasting love. I feel the thrill of hope coarse through her body, but by the time she has looked up at my hiding spot I am long gone."

Alice opens her small palm and I notice the same wedding ring sitting in a neat circle in the centre. Jasper looks at it for a moment; his lower lip seems to portray him for a moment as it shakes. I notice him swallow deeply as he holds his left hand out. Alice silently slides the ring on his fourth finger. Everything is silent, I feel as though I should look away. Nobody is smiling and nobody is crying and I have the compulsive need to start clapping.

"How did you find the other group of vampires, the ones you were with that day in the alley, the day I found you?" The silence was unbearable, I wanted –needed, him to begin to talk again. He keeps examining the rich ring on his finger. At first I thought, stupidly, that he hadn't heard me but then he took a breath.

"I'd been watching them for days; I'd watch them kill humans carelessly. Chucking away the bodies without a second thought. I hated them yet I wanted them.
"That simple life.
"But I'd made the conscious decision that I would never eat another human again. Not after Bella. I promised myself that."

I tried to not look up into his crimson eyes. I knew it was rude; it would be like pointing out his mistakes. I really wanted to not look pointedly into his eyes, but I had to sneak a glance. He's watching his hands twist around each other, but I don't really think he's taking any notice. He seems far away, as though reliving the day.

"I watch the leader," he continues. "Everybody appears to respect him. I wonder why? He's not a good man; his eyes are proof of that.
"I watch as he stops walking. He's a few steps in front of the others, posture perfect. A smug look clouds his face. He turns slowly to whisper something to his companions. The friends-followers, smirk.
"And I know.
"I need them." Jaspers shoulders slump, like a weight has dropped onto them. His eyes are wide and staring, I'm not sure if he realises where he is. If he realises that he's safe now.

"I jump down from the ledge that I am cautiously perched upon; I land gracefully near a blonde-haired vampire. I seemed to startle the youngest one.
"So young…what would make a person change somebody so young? What kind of sick, twisted soul ends a life that young? His red eyes anger me.
"What am I doing? There's no turning back.
"I look around the circle of startled eyes. "Hi," I nod towards them, holding out my ring-less hand to shake the leader's hand. They smile at my odd eyes.
"And I almost feel ashamed about them, I feel as though I am not a true vampire. That I am weak.
"It's the saddest feeling in the world to realise that you've been living a lie. I've been lying to myself.
"I am not a good vampire.
"I am not strong enough.
"The vampire shakes my hand. "Welcome aboard.""

Jasper drops his hands in his lap and looks up at us, searching our faces around the sturdy table. "I suppose you're wondering…well I suppose you're wondering why…my eyes…" He trailed off.

I knew that the girl's name was Clara. She was around fourteen and her mother was abusive. Other than that she was just another life. Just another soul.

"Clara," his voice wobbled slightly, but he continued on. "An angel in the truest form. My little saviour. She saved me from myself.
"I was standing outside her window, the group was whispering encouragement from somewhere behind me. They were murmuring dreams of rich blood, flowing smoothly down my throat, whispering ideas of the first human in decades. They showed me dreams of a life of humans. At the time, I was blind, I let them guide me. They assured me that I wouldn't regret it.
"They were wrong. I will regret it. I'll regret it for as long as I live.
"I stand there all night, watching her getting yelled at. Her arrogant mother is slamming doors in her face; she's screaming through the wood, curses fly from the mother's mouth. Clara stands still, head hung. Every word looks like a beating, lashing against her frail body, but she still doesn't move. I think I would prefer it if the young girl screamed back, the sudden helplessness is excruciating.
"I look on as Clara sobs into her pillow; it hits something powerful inside of me.

"My heart."

Jaspers brow furrows slightly as he continues on. "I gave a last, fleeting glance at the pack before sliding the cramped window open. I watch as the girl resurfaces silently from her dreams. She has deep brown eyes; it's a relief to see something that isn't bright red, that isn't touched with evil. She looks so…innocent. "Hello," I probe gently, standing at the end of her single bed. She stifles a yawn, staring at the odd stranger in her room.
"I suppose she should be scared. It's late-pitch black outside, there's nobody to come running for her screams. An odd man with no immediate entrance standing before her. "I'm Jasper," I smile, holding out my hand."

Rosalie's eyes look up slowly. "Did she know that you were a vampire?"

I guess it was the question we all wanted to ask. I honestly wasn't sure if he would have told the truth, I mean, surely seconds before the attack she would have known something was wrong, something dangerous was happening. We all look at Jasper; my ears feel as though a thousand watts are running through them.

"Yes." Jasper murmurs. I'm not sure what I wanted the answer to be. Maybe I wanted the poor girl to pop up behind a pot plant. I didn't want Jasper to have to live with another death.

"She was…laughing. She had an odd laugh; it was so different to what you'd expect to come out. It was deep and rough, a hacking kind of snort. She always blushed bright red when she snorted and I always had to look away. That blush was…horrifyingly tempting. She calms down and whispers something that I don't want to hear. She whispers something that will haunt me for eternity. "Thankyou." That single word, how I wished she would take it back. She noticed my eyes widen. "What for?" I had asked, mortified. "For being my best friend," she smiles, extending her hand out, so as I could grab it.
"I stare down at the thin fingers, then slowly hold my arm out to the light. "See these shadows, here?" I ask, pointing to my scars. She focuses on the area I am pointing, peering closely. "What happened?" She gasped. Although all she could really see were thousands of slightly raised lines.
"I frown, looking away into the distance. "How much do you like horror stories?" I ask."

Emmett looks like he's about to say something, but Alice beats him to it. "And did she like horror stories?" Her voice is small, almost mocking.

"She did." Jasper sighs.

"I don't visit her for a week. I'm scared of her reaction. She hadn't said anything whilst I was talking; I guess she thought I was joking. At first I thought she was angry, angry that I would mock her like that. Then I thought perhaps she thought I was telling the story just for her amusement, but I think, deep down, she knew I was telling the truth. I mean, there was clearly something wrong with me.
"She had interrupted once, "You're to young to be married." I had given her a sarcastic look. "I'm 166 years old." I'm still not sure if that was the right reply. "But I'm not sure if I'm still married." I continued, stating it as though I was commenting on the weather. "Why?" she had asked.
"I didn't miss a beat. "Because I kind of ruined my family.""

Jasper takes a breath and I realise then that he is crying. Not real crying, he has too much pride for that. But he can't control the shaking of the breath he takes in. It seems to linger in the air.

"And then I killed her." He states. I close my eyes. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear the story.

Maybe I don't like horror stories.

"I stand at her window and wait for her to walk over. Her brown eyes are full of tears and I note the bruises. Her mother must have been on one of her screaming rampages. I don't know why she does it, maybe alcohol. I don't understand why Clara has to cop it all. She deserves better than that. Everybody does.
"She unlocks the window with her left hand; she examines me standing out in the snow.

"I think she realises. But it's too late.

"Her mother has hit her with something, a smashed wine bottle perhaps.

"All I know is that she's bleeding when she opens that window.

"And her scent comes gushing out." Jasper looks at me and I feel myself flinch back slightly. "There was nobody to stop me that night; there was nobody to pull me back."

The atmosphere is very sombre. As though somebody has thrown a thick blanket of memories over us. Blankets are supposed to be comforting and warm, not suffocating and painful like this one.
"I hesitated that night. She could have been a vampire if I had the courage to stop myself. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to wreck her…innocence. Innocence isn't the right word. Her…love. Her love of life. I didn't want to wreck that.
"She was always so brave, braver than I would ever be. She took whatever life threw at her; she turned it into an adventure.
"The tribe of vampires watched all this happen; they stood cowardly in the shadows. I felt sick at their whispers of appreciation. "Don't you know?" I had wanted to yell at them. "A girl just lost her life! My best friend who trusted me had just died! All because of me!"
"But I didn't yell. I didn't do anything, just stood there. Numb." Jasper groaned, putting his head in his hands in frustration. I felt a little of his pain, I thought it was perhaps his power, manipulating the feelings around him.

"I tried to leave the group," Jasper says, voice muffled in his hands. "I wanted to go back, I truly did, but a certain newspaper clipping stopped me." He lifts his head up and stares meaningfully at Rosalie; to my surprise she gives a little nod. "That clipping meant all hope was lost, we were well and truly broken. I looked down at the small black font in disbelief, anger coursing through me. It was pure chance that I saw the newspaper article lying dejectedly among the cobblestones. I crumpled the paper slightly by accident, but the image was still printed in my mind.

"Wedding Announcements
Joshua Hernandez, son of Peter Hernandez and
Michelle-Jane Hernandez, announced his wedding
to Miss Rosalie Hale, daughter of Robert Hale (dec'd.)
and Sara Hale (dec'd.)
Ceremony to take place at Lacey Park, December 19
th,
1 pm. All friend's and family invited.
Congratulations!
"

"I stuffed the clipping back in my faded jean pocket. For later, when I felt I needed to cheer myself up by knowing I wasn't the only person who had stuffed up."

My eyes slid up to Emmett's. His right hand was clenched into a tight fist and his left fingers were carving a design forcefully, crudely into the table. Other than that he hadn't moved at all, his posture was slightly forced but no emotion shone through his face. I admired him for that, he was going to be patient and wait until it was Rosalie's turn to speak, he was going to wait to find out the full story.

"I didn't get involved with their human…agreements. I tried to distance myself from the group. I tried to make it work, everything was a partial blur. I began to lose myself and my hope during that month; I began to lose fragments of my sanity. I began to lose myself and my family. I think I'll just skip to when Bella found me; I think that would be easier.
"I was standing in the alley, watching them, my eyes boring into their eyes. My eyes would have been red with or without Clara. They would have been red with hate.
"I'm different to my family, I always have been. I don't particularly disagree with the killing of humans; it's just our kind's way of living. I'm not with the Cullen's because I want to be there, although, now of course I do want to be here. It's more the fact that I feel I have to be here, I need to be here with Alice, I need to be here because I don't think I could ever go back to my old way of life. And if I left this family, I wouldn't have the strength or courage to stick to the vegetarian diet.
"I stand watching the stranger approach us; he has a sleazy smile, eyeing the girls. He becomes uneasy when he notices me and Michael. I feel his discomfort and can almost hear his brain ticking. Turn around. But it's too late.
"He's on the ground before I can blink. He's crowded, outnumbered. I cast my eyes upon him, an unexpected feeling of hate shoots through me.
"This man isn't a particularly good man; he's lived for two decades at least. Why should he live and Clara not? Where is the justice in that?
"I'm glaring at him when an unexpected sound makes my ears shoot up. Somebodies behind me. I can smell them.
"And I can feel their pure joy. How could somebody feel such an emotion? It doesn't fit in this world.
"And then something subconsciously clicks, fitting into place. Not to long ago I had smelt the same blood. Not to long ago I had watched that same blood be shed. Not to long ago I had tried to end this humans life.
"And right now I feel as close to joy as possible. I watch in disgust as the foul man on the ground pleads with her. Turn around, save me. I hear her take a cautious step, her feet sliding uncertainly on the stones, but still I do not turn. I hear her heart beat begin to quicken as she reaches me. I feel her hot hand in my cold one. "Jasper?" she asks. I turn, my eyes wide as I take in the deep brown eyes, flaw-filled skin, brunette hair. It is a sight that I did not think I would ever see again, it is a sight that I have been dreaming and hoping of. It is a sight that I do not deserve. "Bella." I smile.
"My family.
"I turn to leave; I think I had made my mind up long ago. I did not belong with this stupid group, I had caused enough pain, I had ruined enough futures. I turn to leave this terrible period in my life. I turn to leave the darkness. I hear the man on the ground whimper, pushing his jacket further into the ground, trying to shield himself from the immortal beings.
"My brow furrows. "Let him go," I whisper. I do not like this man. But nobody deserves to die. Clara has taught me that."

Alice looks up; her body is slightly angled away from Jaspers. "And that's it?"

He looks at her. "And that's it."

I stopped picking at a loose thread from my hem and look up at him. "You're very brave." I whispered it, not caring if he understood me or not.

He looked at me and swallowed. "Thankyou, thankyou for saving my family."

My eyes widen and I look down at the table. "Thankyou for letting me help."

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Sigh. This shabam took forever, and wasn't spectacular either. : (
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A massive huge thanks to: TwilightNatty, Zombie's Run This Town, ILoveTwilightGetOverIt, bookworm1292, motherduckatschool, Kadilac99, x_x_lovingthetwilight_x_x, sheeiur22, pure_ambition_writing, peachykeenbean17, twilightromance4ever, Yuffie's Ninja Insanity, ShanteRenee (Plus 27 :)) Laura 2468, _ u n i q u e _ h a r m o n y _, yueyuuko, LadySayuri612, HaPpY bUnNy Is NoT aN eMo, firemaster101, annnd Courtii :))

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