Author's Note: Get ready for tears...
One of the most dreadful thing about being in a comatose state was the fact that it was absolutely impossible to tell how much time had passed. After Lily and Alexa's argument in my room on Christmas, I had completely lost track of how long I had until they were to take me off life support. The remarkable thing was, I wasn't as worried as I probably should've been. Perhaps it was due to the fact that Ian and my cousin were having a relationship without telling me; or maybe that Alexa thought our hook-up was 'no big deal'. Nevertheless, neither of those things should make anybody feel like they were better off dead. This is why I knew that it was undoubtedly because of what I heard on my last day of being alive.
Matt had been sitting by my side, talking to me for quite a few hours now. As much as one would think I'd get weirded out by my best friend rambling on about how much he missed me, I kinda liked it. I missed Matt. He had been such an incredibly loyal and substantial friend. I wanted so badly to hug him and apologize for being suck a prick. I still felt guilty for accusing him of sneaking around with Amanda. He was my best friend; he'd never do such a thing.
Suddenly, I heard a door open.
"What are you doing here?" I heard a familiar female voice ask.
"I'm visiting my best friend," Matt replied. "Do you mind?"
Whoa, since when was Matt so cold to Amanda?
"I'm his girlfriend," she replied.
Matt snorted. "Don't make me laugh."
I heard the door slam. "You are so fucking full of it, you know that?"
"Am I?" Matt sneered.
"Yes, you are," she retorted.
What was going on?
"How can you live with yourself?" Matt asked. "Knowing that you're the reason he's lying there."
"ME?" Amanda screeched. "You're the one going behind your best friend's back!"
What?
"You're no better!" Matt yelled back. "I thought you still cared about him!"
"I do!"
"Then why did you kiss me? Why did you make out with me?"
WHAT?
"I could ask you the same thing," Amanda retorted.
"He was pissing me off…" Matt's voice trailed off.
"So?" Amanda replied.
"…and you were just…" Matt stuttered to a stop.
"…I was just…"
"I couldn't help myself okay? You're just too fucking beautiful."
WHAT THE FUCK?
"What?" Amanda asked, sounding shocked.
"Don't make me say it again," Matt warned.
"Say it again," Amanda instructed, "I dare you."
"No."
"Say it."
"No."
"Just say it!"
"OH MY GOD. I FUCKING LIKE YOU, OKAY? You're the only fucking thing that's been on my mind for the past few weeks! Are you happy now?" Matt shouted.
Before Amanda had time to respond, before I even had time to even process the last couple of minutes, I heard a door swing open.
"Matt Webb?" I heard an annoyingly familiar deep voice call out.
"Yes?" Matt responded, sounding aggravated.
"Can I talk to you alone?" the doctor asked.
I heard the two of them walk out of the room, leaving just Amanda and I.
"I'm so sorry, Josh," she sighed.
Don't fucking talk to me.
"I just hope that when you wake up, we can fix all of this," she continued.
Never.
"I love you so much."
You're a fucking bitch.
I heard a door swing open followed by what sounded like a grown man sobbing.
"What's wrong?" Amanda asked.
"We're going to run some final tests," the doctor responded.
"No! Give him more time!" Amanda shouted.
"I'm sorry, Ms. McEwan," the doctor explained. "But Mr. Ramsay has gone into a vegetative state. Keeping him alive at this point is completely pointless."
What? No, I'm alive, dammit!
"You can't do this!" Matt yelled.
"I'll give you and his loved ones time to say your final goodbyes," the doctor said. "You can even be here when it happens."
"NO!" Amanda shrieked.
Shit. This must've been the day I was waiting for. As much as I absolutely despised my life at the moment, I realized now that I couldn't let myself die. I had to do everything I physically could do show everyone I was awake. And then I would never speak to them again.
"I'll go get the others," I heard a nurse call out.
Come on, Josh. Just twitch your hand or something.
"Matt, you have to do something!" Amanda yelled. It sounded like she was crying.
"Like what?" Matt cried, sounding equally tearful.
I heard a door open followed by a multitude of footsteps walking in. I assumed the rest of my band had joined me, along with my dear family.
I had to live. I had to survive for my family and my fans. That was all I needed.
Thinking about my fans made my stomach churn. I didn't deserve such a loyal and compassionate following like the one I had. I remembered all the times people would come up to me over the past few weeks, asking for a picture and I wouldn't even acknowledge them for a second. How could a prick like me mean so much to thousands of people? I knew I had to make it up to them somehow, and that couldn't happen if I didn't wake up. Now.
A swarm of cries and pleas filled the room as I heard the doctor explain what was going to happen. It was quite simple, actually; they needed to run a few final tests to be sure I actually was brain-dead, after which they would turn off my life support.
"I'll give you all a moment," the doctor said solemnly before walking out.
Come on, Josh, wake up.
"Why won't he wake up?" I heard Lily cry out.
"Goddammit, Josh," Ian sobbed.
I heard a lot of muffled farewells and cries; however I was far too focused on moving a muscle to pay any attention. All I need was a finger twitch, a leg spasm, something. But no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't fucking budge.
Minutes passed before I heard the doctor walk in again. "Are you all ready?"
"No," I heard Sara mutter under her breath.
"I truly cannot express how sorry I am," the doctor responded as he walked over to my bed.
HOLY SHIT, JOSH! MOVE!
Amanda began to wail.
MOVE! WAKE UP!
I didn't budge.
WIGGLE YOUR TOES! YOUR PINKY! ANYTHING!
Nothing.
FUCKING HELL! WAKE UP, JOSH!
Nothing.
