Maura lost her strength to answer the letters out loud. She didn't even know why she had done it, because it was irrational – Jane couldn't hear her anyway. Still it felt better to voice her thoughts. Until she was too weak to do so.

"Dear Maura,

I can't even imagine how much it hurts, since your mother looked all perfect.

I mean, you took your time searching for her. You admired her. And after you two met, it looked like a happy ending soon-to-be-found. It was obvious that you and your smart brain attracted her. She liked you, Maura.

I'm sorry it's all screwed up now, but you probably surprised her. Can you imagine thinking your baby died and then so many years later discover it was not true? That woman must have gone through hell.
Give her time, maybe it will get better.

I'm not trying to be her lawyer, I'm your lawyer, you know that. I will always stand by you and support your choice. And be the shoulder you can cry on, you know.

I'm still amazed by your strength.

And in the weak moments, you can always rely on me, I will try to make you feel strong again. Or be strong for both of us.

Trust me.

Yours

Jane"

"Where are you now, Jane?" Maura sobbed and put her head into her hands. Her shoulders were shaking and her posture broken on the couch.

"It's not fair…" she whispered after the tsunami waves of tears simmered down.

She looked around the apartment and wished for a moment that Jane would walk through the bedroom door with a blanket like she used to do and throw it over them as they lay on the couch and watch TV.

But it would never happen again.

Maura walked to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She gulped it down at once and exhaled a deep breath.

There are six more letters.

I'm in a half.

I need to read them all.

I wouldn't sleep if I didn't.

She walked back to her battlefield. She crashed down on the couch, not even trying to regain her elegant composure. She felt broken and alone and she was both of the things. There was no need for a masquerade.

She reached for the seventh letter and sighed at the date.

It was around the time of her recovery after giving her kidney to Cailyn.

"Dearest Maura,

I apologize for being so impatient and easy to annoy. I don't know how you put up with me, but I'm glad you do.

I don't know how I behave when I get from the hospital and have to recover, but it must be hell. I pologize for calling you whiny pain in the ass. It was mean and I hate myself for saying it. I will be nicer, I promise.

I hope I can compensate it with the rest of the things… I enjoy taking care of you, Maur. Really, there's no better feeling than being cuddled on the couch and talking or having movie night while we eat a chicken soup to make you feel better.

"Whatever you feel, it's okay so feel it." Remember that? I hoped you'd say something else. For one moment I thought you would, because of the look on your face. But you didn't.

You are better with relationships Maura. You are better with feelings. And you can read me better than anyone else. I bet you know I love you. Please approach the subject… Tell me you love me too… I'm still a coward about feelings…

Jane"

Maura didn't hesitate anymore. She just took another letter and read. No more long breaks between reading, it didn't help anyway.

Her fingers ripped another envelope.

"Dear Maura.

you were right again.

"He doesn't deserve you, Jane."
Why didn't I listen to you back then? You told me not only once that he's not right for me and I still let it grow into this. I could have saved myself from years of pointless pain.

Why did I even hesitate with the engagement? I didn't love him, but I loved the attention he gave me. He made me know he loves me and I yearned for that. I was afraid you don't feel the same. I thought he was my only chance for "normal life" my mother wanted me to have. How idiotic.

Then I showed you the ring and everything happened so fast. You looked so hurt and I felt so lost. I can't even imagine what you must have felt.
I should have known better.

I'm just writing his address on top of envelope with the ring. I ended it. I wouldn't be happy in the marriage, even if it worked. Knowing you were hurting would chase me away.

There's just one problem… I don't know how to deal with it, but I hope you'll stay by my side when I tell you. I think I'm pregnant.

Jane"

Maura shook her head and smiled through her tears. As if she could ever leave her.

Jane stayed and trusted Maura with her life and her child's life more than she ever trusted Casey.

And Maura knew that.

With a sigh, she ripped another envelope.

"Dearest Maura,

I will never be able to thank you enough.

'I have to let you help with the baby'. I meant that I need you, Maura. And thank god, you knew that.

You are so much more than a best friend, you are like a part of me. I always wanted to prove myself that I don't need anyone, but I failed greatly with you. And you proved it to me every day of this pregnancy – every medical check, every foot rub you offered and every back massage, every mood swing and craving you handled and the fact that after all I've done, after being the worst hormone-raging pain in the ass, you let me move in with you, to take better care of me. You are such a selfless person, that's one of the thousands reasons I love you.

I just hope you'll never leave.

Thank you for everything.

Jane"

"You were part of me, Jane, I couldn't leave you if I tried…" Maura said into the silence of the flat as she found her voice again. She read one sentence again and again.

'One of the thousands reasons I love you.'

She would never guess Jane to write such a thing. And she started to lose hope she'd ever hear or read something so amazing about herself. And now she did and it didn't feel the way it should. It was utterly hurting.