I know it's shocking. So many updates... What can I say? When it flows, it flows... lol. Already working on the next one, though with the weekend and my dreaded birthday coming up you might have to wait until I come out of a JD induced coma...
Jeff felt the sharp sting to his very heart as Keri's palm connected with his cheek. Then, hand on his cheek, he watched as she turned around and walked away till she turned the corner. He knew where she was going, of course; down by the creek where she always went when she had a lot on her mind.
"What the fuck..." he whispered.
"Really?" Shannon asked. "We should get married?"
Jeff looked up at the porch, remembering that they had had an audience. And of course, his humiliation was all on tape for Vince to play with however he wanted.
"That's what she's always wanted. You guys told me so!" he argued.
Apparently, that wasn't true; otherwise she would have jumped at the chance.
"Now, I'm not saying I'm smarter than you or anything, but here's what I heard," Kimo said. "Keri: 'I'm pregnant, I'm having your child Jeff and this situation is too fucked up for me to handle.' Jeff: 'I knocked you up? Fuuuuuccccckkkk! I don't want kids with you, I only wanna use you.'"
"That's not how it happened!" Jeff shouted.
"You knocked her up?" Shane asked. "Are you insane?"
"And stupid. Don't forget stupid," Shannon added.
"Yeah, I knocked her up. And I don't regret it," Jeff snapped.
"Shut up, I ain't done yet," Kimo snapped back. "She came out here to stop you from ruining your life then watched her family drive away after letting it be known that they never want to see her again. Keri: 'I'm scared. I have no one now. I'm having a baby and I don't think I can do it on my own.' Jeff: 'Oh, you poor, poor thing. Your mother is a bad, bad woman. Your uncle is a bad, bad man. I feel sooooo sorry for you. Fuck it, I'm just going to sacrifice myself now. I'll marry you.'
"I wasn't sacrificing myself! I wanna be with her!" Jeff shouted.
But, looking back at it now, without that talk he had meant to have with her, Keri wouldn't have known that.
"Fuck!" he sighed, deflated.
"Dude, you have a lot to learn about women," Caitlyn said.
"The first thing being, you don't drop shit like that on someone after they've just had a very fucking emotional experience," Shane added. "Timing, Jeff. What the hell's wrong with you?"
Jeff ran a hand through his hair. No, it obviously hadn't been the best time to say something like this. But he'd thought knowing he wanted to be with her would make Keri feel better, make her realise she wasn't alone.
"Okay, so now we've learnt that I don't always make the best decisions when it comes to Keri. So maybe one of you shits could tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do now," he grumbled as he walked up the steps to stand on the porch with them.
"Maybe you should step back, allow both of you time to get your heads around the situation," Matt suggested. "I mean, there's still a lot you don't know. And all of this has happened so fast."
Of course. All the gory details of how a little girl lost her innocence, details that couldn't see the light of day as long as the cameras were following them. He bit back his anger as he looked back at where the car had disappeared. Dealing with Drew would require a great deal of thought. Now wasn't the time.
"I can't step back, Matt. Orton's just waiting on the sideline for a chance to jump in."
"Orton? You mean the guy who sat back and watched you mess with his date in public, then laughed really loud when you used your jacket to hide your boner so you could follow her to do whatever you did to her?" Shannon said. "Open your eyes, Jeff. That's all you need to fucking do."
Jeff sighed. He honestly couldn't see how he would ever get back from this last fuck up, or even if he could do it at all. He had serious doubts about how she really felt about him. If she loved him, wouldn't she have jumped at the chance to marry him?
But the guys were right. Everything was happening so fast and she probably was scared. From virgin to expecting in only three months... that would knock anybody sideways. As much as he hated to say this, he did need to step back and let her sort her head out for herself. If that meant she would end up with Orton, then he would just have to deal with it. He would still help her with the baby, even if he had to watch her with another man.
"I'm going to talk to her," he sighed.
"Give her some time," Matt said. "All that shit with her family then your proposal... I'm guessing she won't welcome the intrusion right now."
"Speaking of which," Kimos started, "Matt, you have a lot of explaining to do. You, too, Shane, since you already tried to kill the guy once before."
"Another time," Matt said they all started to walk back into the house.
Matt held back, though, and looked him in the eye.
"Thank you," he said. "We'll talk later, okay?"
Jeff nodded and watched his brother walk back into the house too. But he decided to go against the advice he had been given and go to Keri anyway. At the very least, he had to apologise and make her understand that he wanted this baby, her baby.
"Microphone," the sound guy said firmly as he handed it to him.
Jeff rolled his eyes as he took it. With the baby coming, he had to make sure Vince had no reason to fuck with them, and that meant following his instructions to the letter.
When he got to the opening in the woods, he noticed a cameraman had already set up a little away from her. Keri had her head on her knees and her little shoulders were shaking as she cried and this man was just watching from behind his camera lens.
Shaking his head, he walked to the bank where Keri was sitting and sat down next to her.
Jeff was unbelievable. How could he offer her marriage just because he'd knocked her up and felt sorry for her? And at a time like this? She'd just been disowned! Couldn't he work out for himself in that thick head of his just what that was doing to her?
Wiping her silent tears, she adjusted the microphone that one of the crew had handed to her when they had followed her down here. All she wanted was a bit of space, a little time away from everyone to just cry it out, but she wasn't even being allowed that.
Seeing her uncle here in her safe place... the one place that had no associations with him... it had brought so many things back that she had thought long buried. Then watching Jeff almost kill him... She'd always believed the day would come when Jeff would find out, then Drew would get what was coming to him – Jeff had been looking out for her for as long as she had been in their lives, after all – but seeing them like that today...
It had made her realise Drew just wasn't worth it. The last thing she wanted was for Jeff to ruin his life because of such a shitbag.
Because she cared about him.
Maybe a bit more than was healthy, a bit more than she should have. And all he was offering was a pity party; a marriage of convenience.
Dropping her head to her knees, she let some of the tears come. She was going to allow just this one time to feel sorry for herself before she had to be strong for the life she carried. Maybe it was better that it would be just the two of them. One side of the baby's family was full of whores and paedophiles while the other had a father who hated the mother to destruction. And he didn't even want the baby. She couldn't forget about that one.
"Mind if I join you?"
She tensed when she heard the voice. Why couldn't Jeff just leave her alone?
"What do you want?"
"I came to apologise."
"What for?" she grunted.
"A lot of things, apparently," Jeff replied.
She sniffed and lifted her head but didn't look at him.
"I want this baby. I've wanted it since we saw it when you had the scan," Jeff admitted. "I never stopped. Everything else that happened in between was just... I don't know, sometimes I can't think things through when it comes to you. When you told me you were still pregnant, I was really happy. Instead of saying that, I thought of all the things I'd wanted to say to you first."
"Like what?" she asked.
"My apologies, for one thing," Jeff answered. "I didn't want you to think I was only saying them because I'd found out about the baby."
"Jeff, I don't know if I'll ever believe a word you say to me again," she admitted. "You're contradictory. You say the worst things then think a simple 'I didn't mean it' will fix it."
"I know. And I know I've hurt you a lot in the past. And the past few weeks I was a monster; first when I forced myself on you..."
When he said nothing else, she turned her head and saw the look on his face, saw what he was probably thinking.
"Oh, my God..." he whispered.
"No. Don't think like that."
"I'm a fucking monster. I'm so sorry, Keri. What I did... after what happened to you..."
"Don't you dare compare the two," she spat out. "Don't..."
Drew was the monster, while Jeff – however much they argued – was God sent. She would never have got through so many hard times in her life without him. And even with that one incident the first time they made love, not once had she ever not felt safe with him.
"Oh, my God..." he repeated.
He brought his hands to his face, effectively hiding his emotions from her.
"No wonder you hate me," Jeff whispered. "I'm so sorry I forced myself on you. I'm sorry for every time after that, because you never wanted it then either. I should have stayed away. When you said no, I should have listened."
"Well, listen to me now," she snapped. "What happened between us has no shades of resemblance to anything in my past. You say the two in the same sentence again I'm going to have to hurt you! We've been through this crap before. You already know that I don't exactly fight you off."
"Yeah, but_"
"Shut up! If that's all you came to say to me you might as well fuck off now. I'm not in the mood for any more drama."
"I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stress you more," Jeff said.
But he couldn't look her in the eye so she had a feeling he was still comparing himself to Drew.
"What do you want, Jeff?" she sighed.
"I came to say I'm sorry I sprang that stuff on you," he answered, "but in the light of this... recent development... I know just saying those words isn't anywhere near enough to make up for what I did. But I'm going to say them anyway."
She watched his fingers as he played with a blade of grass and realised he was angry with himself. Well, that was fine, because she was angry with him, too. She didn't want her time with him tainted by being compared to her experiences with Drew.
"I'm sorry I've treated you like shit. I'm sorry I've said things to hurt you. You're not worthless, and I think you'll make a wonderful mother. I'm sorry I treated you like a whore. You were innocent and I robbed you of that. I'm sorry I never took the time to really get to know you. I'm sorry I judged you so harshly. I've come to realise that what I thought I knew was a load of crap. Because of you, your cousin's going to have a better life than if his disgrace of a dad had provided for him. I'm s_"
"Are you going to apologise for every single thing you've ever done?" she snorted.
"For a start," he answered. "I've done you so wrong, Keri, and I'm not sure how I can start to make up for it."
"Don't forget I'm not exactly innocent here. I've said and done nasty things to you, too."
"Yeah, but I'm a dick. I probably deserved it."
She sighed and looked away from him. She wasn't in the mood for apologies that – knowing Jeff and his mouth like she did – probably wouldn't amount to anything.
"Look, whatever it is you want, whatever you're doing here, take it somewhere else. I can't do this right now."
"I'm know, I'm sorry. The guys told me I need to work on my timing skills, I should have listened," he muttered. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to pressure you into any decisions you don't want, or stress you anymore. I'm honoured that even after what I did you still kept my baby. I will be here for you, just like I promised, if you let me. And I know now that I don't deserve this, but maybe we could be friends? Just friends?"
So he'd had time to reconsider his proposal and realised he couldn't go through with it? How very noble of him!
"Sure. Whatever," she said, even though the last thing she wanted was to be friends with him. It would mess her up.
But she realised they would have to be friends for the sake of the baby.
"Thank you," he whispered.
He sounded very sincere, as if it meant something that she would agree. It probably did. He'd want access to his child without any underlying tensions.
"Mind if I sit here for a while? I just need to get my head right, away from everybody."
"Knock yourself out."
But maybe she shouldn't have allowed him to stay, because his presence was a constant reminder of what could have been, making her feel miserable again.
So now that she was carrying his child and she'd thrown his suggestion to get married in his face, he wanted to be just friends? Would he really keep his hands off her, considering that everytime he touched her, the whole place went up in flames? And the bigger question: did she want that?
She had told him earlier that she had to get away from him, from all the insanity, but that had been because she'd been afraid of his reaction about the baby. He knew now, but even though his reaction had been less than flattering – she didn't buy his explanation about that - did she still need to go? She didn't want to be away from everyone; it was scary enough that she was going to be a mother without having to be reminded everytime she came home to an empty apartment that she was doing it alone.
Whether Jeff was a dick or not he was still her hero. Over and over again he'd been her hero, just like he'd been her hero when he'd dealt with Drew. She needed that right now.
So friends. Even if she wanted more. Even if she craved more. She just had to accept that the happy ever after she'd always dreamed of would always remain just a dream.
"What am I going to do now?" she whispered.
"Whatever you decide, I'll support you," Jeff answered.
"I can't even cook. How the hell am I going to feed our child?"
"I'll teach you how to cook. You'll be fine," Jeff answered, putting his arm around her and drawing her closer so she was secured against him.
"And when this show is done? When that money dries up? What do I do then? I dropped out of school as soon as I could, the only things I know how to do aren't exactly something I'd put on a resume or teach my children; and _"
She paused when she heard the little sound Jeff made.
"What? Am I hurting you?" she asked, slightly moving away in case she was leaning on something.
"No," Jeff coughed. "It's just what you said... You said children, not child, and I sort of got this picture... Um... Anyway, you know you can do anything you set your heart out to do. You know how to work hard – you've always done so in your past... jobs. There's nothing to stop you from earning a decent living. And you won't ever have to do it alone, anyway. Don't worry about money."
"But I have to worry. It's alright for you to say all this now, but you could easily change your mind and I'd be completely fucked. I don't want to have to feel insecure when I have a baby to look after. I need stability, and I'm the only one who can provide that."
"I won't change my mind."
"You can't guarantee that. What if you meet someone you really want to marry and they don't like that you're taking care of another child? What if you have more kids, planned kids, with her and our child isn't a priority anymore? I need to be able to look after the baby by myself, just in case."
"You don't have to worry about that," Jeff said, meeting her eyes. "You're important to me. Even when we fought like cats and dogs, I was there for you. You can't deny that. I don't see that changing, especially now that you're having my baby.
Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you. You want to learn to cook I'll help you. You want to go back to school or find a job I'll help you with that, too. Whatever makes you feel secure, I'll do it."
"Wow. You're taking this friend thing really seriously, aren't you," she said. "You don't owe me anything, Jeff. I'll accept your help with the baby - cause let's face it: I'm going to mess it up by myself – but you can't do everything for me. I'm going to have to work this one out for myself."
Because he was a major part of her problem, it would mess her up completely if she made him the solution, too.
"I know. I'm just letting you know I'm here. For anything."
She caught his eyes for the first time since he'd sat down and saw something different in them. It wasn't the burning fire from before, it wasn't the coldness she'd got used to either.
"Did I make the right choice? Keeping it?" she whispered.
"The best choice," he answered seriously. "After everything... the easiest thing would have been not to keep it. Last week, after I said those nasty things to you when I was angry, I had a chance to look at it from your point of view and realised I'd brought the whole thing on myself. If you had got rid of it, I wouldn't have blamed you at all. Like I said, I'm a dick, but I'm going to work on that."
All of these were just more words, more empty promises. She couldn't plan a future on that.
She looked away from him to stare out at the water with another sigh. What she needed was to just get through this day and then think about everything clearly after she'd rested, after the pain had lessened.
"Hey, look at me," Jeff whispered, gently turning her head back to him with his finger on her chin till his face was only a couple of inches from hers. "You are important to me. You matter to me. Very, very much. Don't ever forget that, okay?"
Why did he have to go and say things like that, things that made her hope and wish and dream? He looked like he was being sincere again and this time she saw a hint of the fire in his eyes.
Her eyes fell to his lips and remembered all the pleasure they had given her, all the magic they wove. If their situation wasn't so complicated, she would have placed her own lips on them, tasted them. But any touching always led to sex, and their little session against the door had to be the last time. No more kisses. No more sex. She couldn't afford to be emotionally invested in this relationship, couldn't afford to feel any more than she already felt.
And she certainly didn't want to have to sit back and actually think about what she already felt. It was best to just ignore it.
But still, she couldn't take her eyes off his lips.
Subconsciously, she licked her own then salivated when Jeff's lips parted in reaction. His breathing was heavier and she felt his muscles stiffen in the arm that was still around her shoulders. Then slowly, so slowly, his lips came closer, so close she could already taste them.
Her eyes closed in anticipation... but the kiss never came.
It took her a moment to realise he had turned his head away, and when she opened her eyes she realised he was trying to get himself under control.
Immediately she moved out of his arms. What was she thinking? Of course they couldn't kiss each other anymore. They'd just established that they were just friends now, it was better that way.
So why did she feel slightly rejected?
And why was this hurting her more than her mother's rejection?
Jeff cleared his throat and said, "We should probably head back. The others are worried about you, and we should probably get the video logs done before Vince gets some lawyers in."
She nodded her head then wordlessly accepted his help getting to her feet. She couldn't sit there any longer, because she'd have to think about her feelings.
That was the last thing she needed.
Randy's back in the next one, keep your knickers on... lol. And a bit of Marky, too.
So she says no more sex, he says no more sex, but will they keep their word this time?
Bingobaby, dannycena42, xSamiliciousx, sailormama, I am M.J, .SwantonflyinVipers, msgemgem, GiGi.501, hOtlilmofo, mrs.a87, agnesita1385, alana2awesome, HardyDXEvolutionChick, Nats22 thank you for the last few chapters since my return from exile... Much love.
