The Q Must Be Crazy II
Part...dah, I think it's near the end!
An Unexpected Wedding Guest
- - - - -
"I heard he swept her off her feet, literally! Then he carried her to a special romantic holoprogram and they made love for hours on a moonlit beach beneath a purple sky."
"Mmm. Too sandy. Who told you that one?" Tom said, skeptically as he dipped his feet in the cold waters in a waterfall pool on the Holodeck. Tom had chosen the Hava Supai Indian Reservation, at its glassy pond with the diamanté waterfall and clear blue mineral waters.
"I don't remember who told me that," Megan said sincerely.
"I thought someone said that they played pirates, and she rescued him from an cadre of evil zombies." Jenny added.
"As opposed to good zombies?" Harry questioned which earned him those familiar glares.
"Then they jumped into the ocean and became mer-people, found an inviting hideaway in a crystal palace and romanced until they fell asleep, sated from love, in each others' willing arms."
"Sounds like a fish tale," Tom barbed, but was ignored.
"I can just imagine her using anti-grav units on him or even slinging him over her back. Then carting him off to a bubble bath and then..." B'Elanna suggested, pretending her towel was Chakotay.
"Don't you girls ever stop talking about romance?" Harry asked, testing the icy waters with his toe.
"What do you like to talk about, Harry?" Megan asked knowingly.
"Real stuff, like EPS conduits and tetryron emissions. Say, what about that last quantum singularity? Huh? Wasn't that a doosey? Back me up, Chief Engineer!"
"Yeah, Starfleet. Whatever," B'Elanna snarked. "I think we'll just stick to human relationships. Much more interesting."
"If you say..." Harry relented, shaking his head in disbelief.
"We say," all three girls said in chorus. All together, they jumped into the icy blue waters, splashing Harry and Tom with cold wet fingers of water.
"What can I say, Harry? Girls love this love business! Which is a good thing, as far as we're concerned. You'll understand when you are older," Tom said, aping an all-knowing elder.
"Sure, Grandpa!"
The pair laughed.
"Tom, don't tell them, but I really don't care about EPS conduits. Just for the record."
"OK, Harry. Your secret is safe with me. Didn't you like the mer-people story?"
"Yeah, that was a whopper and a half. Doesn't any couple just go back to their quarters, put on some nice music and tumble under the covers?"
"I wouldn't know. Last time, B'Elanna and I went to a Victorian mansion in a misty English countryside. She was the innocent chamber maid and I played the enticing Baron von Rosen, who could seduce any woman with a glance. Except her. She resisted my wiles until I became a powerful vampire and took her in the bell tower."
"You have got to be kidding me!" Harry burst, not able to stand it anymore. "Whew! You are kidding me, aren't you?"
Tom only smiled. "Always wonder!" he said. "Say, Jenny! What are you doing with the controls?"
"Oh, it's just a holo-subroutine I found that I wanted to show Megan and B'Elanna. I don't know where it came from, but I really like it!"
The sounds of horses' hooves thundered toward them. A dashing figure of a beautiful Mexican desperado emerged from the billowing clouds of dust. He bore a striking resemblance to their own First Officer. He spotted Megan and rode toward her and snapped her up to him, laughing as he did. Megan was stunned at first, but then she yelled, "Thank you, Jen!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
To Kathryn's surprise, the crew barely batted an eyelash or ruffled an ounce of down when the announcement went out. She expected eyebrows to go up and perhaps even a trial regarding her union to Chakotay, her First Officer. She even considered the possibility that the crew would want her step down as Captain. Nothing could be further from what really happened.
The crew offered support, well wishes, and many fond words of happiness on their behalf. Torrents of high morale electrified the atmosphere; the air held vapors of elation. Even Tuvok appeared to be extra smug and self-satisfied, very pleased that he played a part in their union.
The day of their wedding arrived. The ship was put on "Auto" on all systems, freeing most of the crew to join the celebration. Those who could not make it were treated to seeing the entire event on their vid screens with Neelix as EmCee. Tuvok was there to officiate.
Q sat in the front row on the Groom's side while his wife sat on the Bride's side. They spent a lot of time making eyes at one another and alternatively materializing and tossing paper roses at each other, happy whenever they scored a direct hit.
When everyone told their places, and Tuvok was about to begin the ceremony, Q stood up unexpectedly before the group.
"I have a special announcement," he said as he sipped genuine Dom Perignon that he had gifted to the wedding party. "I would like to introduce a special guest to this joyous occasion!
"Joyous to me because I'm rid of Chakotay once and for all!" he said under his breath to Mrs. Q, who cast him a gaze of searing disapproval.
"Behave yourself, Q. Just to be different," she shot.
Chakotay's Grandfather casually walked down the aisle and stood with the stunned couple.
"Is this her?" the old man asked Chakotay with an air of dissatisfaction.
"Grandfather? Q?"
"Yes, it's him!" Q said with glee. "He really is one of the best dead people I've ever met! Very refreshing!"
She mouthed, "Is he a hologram?" and Chakotay shook his head, knowing that Q had brought them the true Spirit of an Ancestor with whom he had a deep connection.
Chakotay announced matter-of-factly. "Kathryn, I'd like you to meet my Great Grandfather. My real Great Grandfather," he told her with joy and wonder that now dawned on him.
"Ah, I'm pleased to meet you, sir." she said, holding out her hand. She did not say 'I thought you were long since passed away and back in the Alpha Quadrant.' Of course, she knew Q had done this.
"Then, this is her?" he prompted impatiently with a disapproving look. He ignored her greeting and outstretched hand and said, "She is skinny and will need to be fed before she can bear you strong sons. Does she not cook? She will need to be trained to cook and to keep the dwelling."
Kathryn's eyebrows rose. Chakotay was slightly embarrassed but amused by his Grandfather's remarks. It was heartwarming to have this being here, so far from home, so far from death. This might be the closest thing to having her meet his family that may ever happen.
"My Grandfather believes in the old ways," Chakotay informed her.
"You can learn from the old ways, Chakotay!" Grandfather said, shaking a finger him. "You still have much to learn."
"I don't doubt that," he said with humility.
Grandfather walked around Kathryn, sniffed, and scrunched his face. He sighed and shook his head, as if he were displeased with a horse he was about to purchase. "What kind of skins are these for a wedding?" he asked, looking at her lovely replicated silk dress.
Kathryn raised her eyebrows and looked imploringly at Chakotay, who held up a hand and nodded his head, in a 'please be patient' gesture.
The old man did not wait for an answer. "Mmm…Small build, but strong body and strong arms," he noted. "Good spirit. She tends this vessel?" he said waving his hand around at Voyager. He nodded his first approval and a look of 'not bad.'
He did not wait for an answer and proceeded. "Yes, I think she will do. It is long past time that you took a woman, Chakotay!"
Grandfather seemed to be considering his options, having an argument with himself, which he lost.
"Ach!" he said with an air of disgust, as if he was at the bottom of the barrel for options. "I had better give you my blessing before it's too late! You will never find another woman like this."
"Excuse me, Sir," Kathryn began, "but I think I…"
Chakotay's imploring looked stopped her.
Grandfather closed his eyes and seemed to be chanting a song to someone far away. Suddenly he stopped and finally addressed Kathryn.
"Woman! What is her name, again Chakotay? I am old and cannot remember these things."
"Kathryn," he smiled, enjoying the sound. "Yes, she is my Captain on a ship that sails to the stars. She knows how to keep ship." He smiled and allowed his face show her how much he cared for her. He was out of that habit, having carefully stowed that type of display away. It felt good to look at her with love, open and without guilt that he had violated her wishes.
"All women are The Captain, Chakotay. Do not try my patience! Kathryn! Give me your hand. You too, Fool. Give me your hand!"
"But Tuvok…" Chakotay began. "Well, is it all right, Kathryn?"
"Do you think I am allowed all eternity to play with you? Give me your hands now, for the blessing and the union. The rest is up to you, Chakotay."
"Do I have any say in this?" Kathryn asked, with a wry smile.
Chakotay, Grandfather and Tuvok said, "No!" in unison. This was an impossible occurrence. She would become his wife, and they would have the blessing of his ancestors. It was an amazing gift from Q.
Kathryn realized what was happening, that this opportunity would not come again.
There was nothing else to do, so she gave the old man her hand and Chakotay followed suit.
Grandfather carried out a brief ritual and prayer, singing in ancient tongues, invoking a proud history.
Chakotay and Kathryn locked eyes and something went through them both. For a very long time they had been in the habit of avoiding eye contact, each afraid of what they would see in each other's eyes. Chakotay afraid that she would change her mind. Kathryn afraid of this step. For the moment, they forgot to hide.
"Today, you have learned about the guile and folly of the Trickster, and for that, I am grateful to the Old Ones, the Sky People and to our Ancestors."
"Hey! I resent that!" Q said loudly.
"Shut up, Q!" Mrs. Q ordered.
"Yes, dear," Q relented.
"Yes, Grandfather," Chakotay respectfully agreed. "I am grateful for all that I have been given."
"The good news about the Trickster, Chakotay, is that he is as big a fool as you."
Q started to open his mouth, but his wife's glare stopped him on a dime.
Chakotay looked down, feeling every bit the fool in all this.
"I never thought your father beat you enough! Maybe he would have knocked some sense into that thick skull of yours."
The old man turned to Kathryn and smiled. "My son's son's son is an idiot, but he can learn. He loves you beyond all measure and that is a great blessing and of a value of that has no comparison. You shall return to our Mother, The Mother Earth some day, when the time is right, but for now you have each other and this loyal tribe you call your crew."
Kathryn began to choke up. She was frightened by many things in this, but Grandfather's words went straight to her heart.
"Bear me many strong Great Great Grandsons and daughters, Kathryn. I know you will raise them with love, strength and with wisdom."
"Thank you!" they both said.
"I must return to our Ancestors," he told them. "My time here is ended. Thank you, Mr. Trickster! You have many faces, some are kind, and for that I am grateful."
"Don't mention it!" Q said. "I think this is my best side!" Q said, turning his cheek toward them and mugging as if he were posing for a picture.
Mrs. Q just looked disgusted with her husband. "I hope you both will be as happy as we are!" she said ambiguously; sometimes they did not seem happy and other times they were inseparable.
Grandfather touched his forehead, stepped back, and allowed himself to fade into nothingness, leaving the two of them and the crew in stunned silence.
"Chakotay, I…" she began, as Tuvok and her crew gathered around the newlyweds, eager to congratulate them.
"Captain and Commander," Tuvok began and made the Vulcan sign with his hand. "Kathryn and Chakotay. Live Long and Prosper."
"Peace and long life to you, Tuvok," she said as she hugged him. "Your logic in this matter was flawless."
"Thank you, Ca... Kathryn. I am pleased that the two you have found a home within each other."
As the crew left, Kathryn and Chakotay faced one another, alone at last.
"Chakotay," she said. "I am not certain of the details yet of everything has occurred…"
"I am certain it will be an interesting report, Kathryn," he said suavely. "Are you all right?" He stood close to her, the way he used to when they first met and she did not shy away. He aimed to close this chasm between them, once and for all.
She turned away, not wanting him to see her emotions. He put his hand on her bare shoulder, gently stroking her skin. He put his lips to her neck and she began to tremble. The words of the last few moments raced through her mind.
"We have a home now," she said in disbelief. "Does that mean we won't want to go back?"
He grabbed her hand, and pulled her back to him.
"We can go anywhere we wish, now that we're a true team."
He took a lesson from Q after all. As Q had done to B'Elanna in Sandrine's, Chakotay drew Kathryn to himself and kissed her the way he had wanted to from the first moment he saw her beautiful face. She tensed at first, out of habit. Reflexively, he was half expecting her to do to him what she had done to Q.
"Damn!" she said, as she kissed him back with fervor. "I wonder, did you get to keep that...costume?" she asked slyly.
- - - - - - -
fin (ally!)
Or is it?
