Chapter Twenty-eight - Kaien Confesses

Kaien's POV

I stare in utter astonishment as Ichigo rode through the course as i he had never stopped riding. Grimmjow's smirk was almost sickening to me as I couldn't help but realize that he was probably the very damned reason Ichigo started riding again. I also had to admit that I had seen a fire Ichigo that I never thought I'd see after Masaki's death. I had been wrong once before though. I had thought Ichigo would never ride at all after Masaki died but he became one of the best riders in the world. Grimmjow was right too. Ichigo had only gotten better. I couldn't help but feel my stomach twisting with those feelings I had not seen in such a long time once again as my eyes followed Ichigo's form. God damn it all. Ichigo just had to be so fuckingly amazingly perfect! I had always seen him as a brother and Karin and Yuzu as sisters.

God forbid I told them the truth about myself and Masaki lest they all hate me for the rest of my life.

Grimmjow glanced back at his companion as he rode he huge charger through the course and I watched him carefully. I felt my eyes narrow when I thought of how he was so lucky to be around Ichigo the way he was. A boss who obviously - and personally - was far too protective Ichigo. I could barely understand that save for how Ichigo got injured but it still made me uncomfortable that this...man was so close to Ichigo. I couldn't stand it. I, Ichigo's big brother - on so many levels - couldn't help but feel that Grimmjow was in no way worthy of Ichigo's attention - any level of it - and therefor should go into exile and weep like the weak man I saw him to be. I note tht I sound old fasioned with that very statement but forgive me for enjoying Bible Collection: Joseph and Prince of Egypt. Given, those are the only two bible based movies I dare watch. It's comforting to know that humans were always that insane despite what they all claim. Yes, I have fith in the creatures called Homo Sapiens. Loads of trust.

"What does Isshin think of you?" I asked as he finnished cheering Ulquiorra's score. He glanced at me and shrugged nonchalantly. I thought I saw red. I was going to kill this fucker! I wasn't lying when I claimed to not trust him. I could have dealt with a simple Boss and Employee relationship. I could ignore that easily! However, his past and the way he reacted to me when he saw me alone with Ichigo made it hard for me to trust him. He had asked who I was and why I was speaking to Ichigo. It wasn't why was I around his horse but why was I around Ichigo!

"I guess he doesn't mind me," Grimmjow said suddenly. "I doubt he trusts me but then again, how the hell would I know?"

Thank you for basically giving me yet another reason to kill you, I thought. Ichigo suddenly came bounding up the steps, a smile on his face wide as day and brighter than the sun. I felt my heart twist and rip at the sight. He rarely if ever smiled when he was younger - I blamed Masaki's death for that and so did Isshin - so to see him like this, I couldn't help but feel envious. I watched him basically skip to us missing whatever expression Grimmjow was making all because of Ichigo's smile. It was even more beautiful than Masaki's ever was.

"Did I set another curve?" Ichigo asked, to someone who wasn't me. I blinked in confusion, not understanding why he wasn't asking me that like he had the way he always had when he was under my wing.

"As always," Grimmjow's rumbling voice said next to me. I lookked to him, my eyes wide. Why was Ichigo asking him that question? I watched as Grimmjow smiled, his blue eyes growing soft and kind. I swore I saw love glow in their firey depths. I glanced back to Ichigo only to see him beaming wider and more brightly than before. Harribel and Starrk slid over to Ichigo by climbing over the chairs. Starrk clapped him on the back before Harribel hugged him tightly to her huge chest. The two congratulated him before saying they were going to tend to things in the stable yards.

"What'd you think Kaien?" he asked. I felt my heart constrict. God damn, he's so very much like Masaki. I was suddenly able to see why Isshin felt so torn between being closer to his son while he feared how alike Ichigo was to his mother. I forced myself to smile however.

"You were great Ichigo" I said, my voice suprisingly steady. I stood then, wishing to find Isshin and apologize for everything I ever said. That, and to see what the man thought of Grimmjow's apparent attatchment to Ichigo. "I'm going to say hi to Isshin."

Ichigo nodded his smile never diminshing. I walked down the steps quickly, pausing only to lay a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. When I reached the bottom of the steps, I looked back to find Grimmjow kissing Ichigo. Seeing red, I stormed to Isshin's stable area. I slammed my fist into a wodden pole and glared at Isshin's confused face. He blinked in amazment for god knows what and I heard Karin and Yuzu begin to chatter about how I was present.

"Kaien?" Isshin spoke softly and cautiously. I snarled at him.

"What the hell Isshin? You're letting this Grimmjow guy fawn over Ichi-berry like it's nothing of consequence! What the fuck is wrong with you? You should have beaten the shit out of the blue haired fuck up!" I growled. Isshin sighed.

"I approved of him Kaien. Despite everything, I approved of him." He continued on with his work, not looking at me. At some point, during my confused haze, he ordered Karin and Yuzu to finnish for him and dragged me away. When I woke up again, Isshin had gotten us outside and slapped me upside the head. "Why are you so concerned? It's not like you're in love with my beloved son."

"I love him like a brother Isshin!" I roared. "You know that!"

"If you really loved him like a brother you'd tell him that you are his brother." Isshin's words hit me hard. I could never have thought that he of all people knew about Masaki's small affair before she married him. The small affair had borne me and well...Masaki always kept in contact. Isshin didn't mind considering she did it under the guise of student and teacher. Masaki had never mentioned my birth to what I'd known. Despite the guise, when Ichigo and Karin and Yuzu were born, I was automatically ordered by Masaki to act as if any elder brother would to his younger siblings. I was ordered to treat them the way she had treated me basically and I did.

The only problem; Ichigo became my favorite and as much as I loved him, I could never have him. So, naturally, I'm a little pissed that someone with Grimmjow's reputation is able to touch, look at, and kiss Ichigo the way I always wanted to but never could.

"How-?" I gawked at the elder man. He gave me a deadly glare.

"Masaki's family was kind enough to tell me at the funeral about how she had cheated on me only to have a child. I personally never believed she could have cheated but since they were damned adament even after the funeral, I checked." He smirked then. "Imagine how much satisfaction I got when I was able to shove it back in their faces when I got the proof that it wasn't cheating since niether one of us were even dating when she had you. Besides, your father was a good man was he not?"

I nodded slowly. Yes, Alric Shiba had been a great man. He was extreamly protective of me and my brother and sister. Kukakku and Ganju went on their own seperate lives, away from riding but both were supportive of me. When I stopped riding, Kukakku was the first one to come home with four job interveiws for me. Ganju came in with three while Dad came in with ten. I'm sure all of them were laughing at the look on my face. I know I would have been laughing. However, I had had no idea that Masaki's family had done what Isshin claimed and therefore was struck and forced to stare at him in horror and disbelief. He snorted.

"Don't believe me?" he asked. I shook my head. He snorted again and looked away from me. "Let's just say Masaki's family didn't appreciate me being a rider and encouraging her to be one as well. They wanted her to be a lawyer or doctor. Typical parents."

I stared at the dirt. I had never heard of this. Masaki never spoke of her family with me...or her other kids for that matter. I was beginning to understand why though. Who would speak of disapproving parents after all? I know I wouldn't have. I never really talked about my parents because Ichigo and the girls all met Alric at multiple points in time as well as my siblings. It was my mother I never spoke of and Kukakku and Ganju never spoke of theirs. In all honesty, my stepmother was a bitch on wheels from hell and she hated my guts. To say Cinderella would have been almost accurate save for the fact I wasn't a girl looking for Prince Charming. Fuck that! Kukakku and Ganju were born and watched as I was shunned by their mother while loved by our father. Not understanding, they had asked Clarissa why she hated me so much. The red handprints that appeared on their faces by the time they reached me sobbing their lungs out was enough for me to snap and finally cuss the woman out.

Alric wasn't pleased when he came home to find two sobbing childern clinging to me while I basically told his wife to go fuck herself stupid to her face. HOwever, he was far more annoyed with Clarissa for daring to hit the two young ones behind me. It wasn't that he favored them over me. No. He knew I could take care of myself and therefor, let me do just that. He knew I would also mind my place until I switched to "protective" as he claimed I did then. Really, Clarissa had been asking for it but I never expected Alric to basically ban her from our lives. I guess since she only verbally attacked me he was barely able to deal with it. That, and I never let it get to me. When she actually hit the kids, she crossed a line and he was done I guess.

"So..." I began. He nodded.

"I know it all. Alric was extremely nervous to tell me but he did when I explained why I was asking." Isshin sighed then. "I'm willing to tell the girls since I get the feeling they already guessed it. After all, you were Masaki's favorite student."

"Until Ichigo," I muttered. Isshin sent me cool look that warned me to not go down that path again. Yeah. I loved my half-siblings but Masaki was my mother too damn it! Yes, I was jealous of how well Ichigo did as a rider but I was also jealous when he took up my mother's time. I was the ignored elder sibling suddenly in pretty much two families. How do you think I felt? I shut my mouth though. Isshin knew pressure points god damn it and I didn't. I wasn't going into a fight I couldn't win. Another reason to leave Seireitei; Ichigo was beating me even if he wasn't doing it intentionally. Thankfully, I'm good at making up stories. I wasn't in Germany when he fell, I was in Tokyo planning on seeing him ride a fter seeing Masaki's grave. When the girls called me though, I was in the middle of beating myself up for accidentally being late to the show, cursing the airliner mainly when it really wasn't their fault. I guess I sort of lucked out though considering I didn't see Ichigo fall from Shiro.

"I don't personally care what you think of my bleoved son Kaien," Isshin drawled suddenly. "Just know, that as far as I'm concerned, you are the son of a friend of mine and that's where it ends." He shot me calculated look that made me shiver. "I personally have no time for people who don't have enough balls to admit their heiratage." He shrugged himself off the wood post and sauntered out of veiw from me. I sighed and smacked my hand to my forehead. Of course my father would have caved about it all. He wasn't a secretive man in any way, shape, or form and it had always hurt him to hide me from Isshin and Isshin's childern. I could understand why Isshin didn't like me anymore considering how long I'd acted as a brother when I should have admited it and been accepted or shunned because of it.

"I hate my life," I whispered to myself. "I really hate my life."


Ichigo's POV

Grimmjow hugged me like there was no tomorrow before I pried him off of me and rounded for the onslaught of other friends. Nel was extremely proud of me as to expected and Lily refused to let me get away without a hug and a peck on the cheek - much to Starrk's suprise, amusement, and utter shock. Grimmjow tossles her hair with an annoyed chuckle and pinches her cheek causing her to giggle. The other stable hands either hug me or slap me on the back. Some of them do both. I don't mind though. At Seireitei, if you won you were congratulated only by those who gave a damn and even then they showed decorum. Kenpachi didn't though. He simplay came up to me saying I owed him a rematch and that I had won far too easily or something like that before whispering congratulations in my ear and thumping me on the back and leaving. Yes, I like my new stable. They all show feelings and I can't help but love it all.

The others go off to load the horses since its obvious no more riding will occur for the day. Not to mention that it would take a miracle to beat the score I just put up on the board. Grimmjow kissed me again in congratulations. It was about then When Kaien wrapped his arms around my shoulders and asked Grimmjow if he could borrow me for a moment. He sounded ill and Grimmjow noticed, worry shining lightly in his cyan eyes. He nodded though and hobbled away after giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I couldn't help but feel it was like he wanted to encourage me.

"What's up?" Iasked Kaien. "What'd Dad say to you?"

"Not much for you to worry about Ichi-berry," he said. Liar, I thought. You sound too tense for that to be true. "I wanted to talk to you," he continued. "Uh...You should sit." I gave him a puzzled look and sat in one of the arena chairs.

"What's up?"

"What would you say to the idea of having a half brother from Masaki? A brother who let's say was born before your parents dated," he said. I felt my eye brows lift. Where the heck had this come from?

"I'd want to meet him duh," I replied with a nervous chuckle. He glanced worriedly at me.

"What if you did know him but didn't know?"

"Then it would depend. If we were friends, I wouldn't want the knowledge to change the friendship. If we were enemies...I may not want to know then but who knows really? What brough this all up Kaien?"

"Just something that's been rolling through my mind for a while," he said blankly. I gave him a questioning look that he didn't notice. How long had this thought been around?

"Kaien?" I asked before his arms were suddenly around me, my face against his chest. I gulped. Kaien wasn't the kind of guy to hug people when he was in certain moods. This - whatever it was - was one of those moods. Why was he hugging me.

"Alric and Masaki dated for a time before she and Isshin did. If you have any brother it would be me." I didn't stiffen and his hold got tighter as I sat and listened. It wasn't that I wasn't scared - shit, I was terrified - it was just that I somehow knew that if I stiffened, he would shut down. As tough asa Kaien came across, he was actually a complete softy. Kenpachi had moments like that sometimes like when he'd congratulate me but they were rare and fleeting. Kaien's moments of weakness were even rarer and I seemed to always be the reason behind them. this was only explaining why better than the usual excuse of I was younger then my teacher and was handing him his medals back to him.

Kaien talked about how Masaki, my mother, our mother, used to train him the way she trained me and the way he trained me. He talked about how Masaki and Alric had kept it secret from Isshin, my sisters, and me because they were worried about what our reactions would have been. To tell the truth, their fear was probably well placed considering the only thoughts going through my head as Kaien talked about Masaki leaving him to Alric's care and Clarissa's abuse were: You're telling this to me now? You're telling me my mother is your mother now of all times? Is Kaien pulling my leg? Is he joking? He must be. He just has to be! Those were my thoughts right then and there. I could only imagine what my father would think if he didn't already know. He had probably already found out knowing Mom's family. He probably learned at the fucking funeral knowing those people.

"Ichi-berry?" Kaien called without raising his voice. I awoke from my daze and wrapped my arms around him tighter. I had to wonder when I'd lifted them in the first place. "Ichi-berry please talk to me."

"You kinda dropped a bomb on me Kaien," I hissed, his body stiffening in my hold as I spoke. "Let me think for a minute will ya?"

He fell silent but could feel him shaking. Warm drops hit my shoulder as he held back sobs. How much had it hurt him to say nothing to any of us? Could Dad have said something to him when he went to see him that caused this to happen? Was it possible that all the secrecy had been better than the truth? Was it possible that Kaien might have not known for a while and had only found out recently by accident? God, how I wanted that to be the reason for his saying anything. I felt my fingers tighten around the fabric of his shirt as my thoughts found the only logical course of events: Kaien had always known, had been raised knowing. He got a new family on more than one front and was the elder in both. Masaki doated on me and my sisters while Alric doated on Kukakku and Ganju causing Kaien to feel neglected. Typical split family with a child in the middle.

Knowing my sisters, they already knew by simple observation. Dad would have most likely been told some random lie that was only half fake from my maternal side of the family only to learn which part was true from Alric who couldn't keep a secret. Alric had probably never told Ganju and Ganju was denser than I ever was. Kukakku was probably aware considering she was sharp as needles when it came to the meanings of inuenoes. I sighed with regret that there really was no way for me to come to terms with all of this right the hell now. Las Noches' winning was announced but I no longer felt proud that I had helped bring it about. At the moment, all I wanted to do was go home and bury my face in Grimmjow's broad chest. Crying myself to sleep sounded so good right now.

"Can I have some air Kaien?" I asked. He stiffened exponentially but let go of me none the less. He wouldn't - or couldn't - face me while I stood and walked away. I swear to god I heard him barely stifle a sob as soon as I reached the top of the steps. I wandered to the parking lot near the stables to find Grimmjow waiting with my father. One look between my father and myself and I knew what he thought of Kaien. The fact that Masaki was Kaien's mother meant nothing to Isshin. No, to Dad, Kaien was Alric's kid and that was it. Kaien was also a former teacher of mine and that was it. Grimmjow gave us both a confused glance but said nothing.

"Have a safe trip!" Isshin called to us as we hopped into the car with the others. I said nothing and imediately burrowed myself against Grimmjow's side, my eyes slipping closed as soon as I felt his body heat connect with mine.


Grimmjow's POV

Back home, Ichigo and I were in my bed. Both of us lay wide awake with what could only be called unease. Ichigo wasn't sleeping for some reason and that kept me me up. The fact that he was keeping me up only made him more anxious and that made me restless. We weren't helping each other at all and yet we both knew that neither one could get through the night without the other. Whatever was bothering Ichigo had made him want nothing but my warmth and comfort and as much as I liked that, I didn't like not knowing what was bothering him. I rubbed his upper arm and watched as he blinked lethargically. With each simple movement of my own, he began to calm down and fall asleep. This was another reason he needed me. He needed to know I was there and I was willing to be the solid rock that kept him here. My life was far more enjoyable with him around so I wasn't about to let him wander away in any way.

When we'd landed, Annwyl and Kallam took one look at Ichigo, frowned, and then decreed he was to be given time off. When asked how much time, they simply said however much he needed. I dared to ask them what they thought was wrong and both shoved me out the door after Ichigo saying he was in no shape or mood to drive. How right they were. I ended up driving which was not easy to do considering I'm still getting some feeling back into my toes. I managed to not crash the car and got Ichigo inside, hobbling along on my crutches the entire damned way. Ichigo was listless the entire time and I wasn't sure about weather or not I should press him for information. I decided it was best not to.

Now, he was half calm and falling asleep at my side. His head was on my bare chest and I was enjoying the feeling of his left hand on my right shoulder, his thumb rubbing my skin slowly as his breathing deepened and slowed. His breath tickled my skin as my left hand moved for his hair. He sighed and let his eyes slip closed. He had slept on the way here but it hadn't been very restful at all. His lashes tickled my skin lightly as he blinked slowly.

"Aren't you going to ask?" he asked lethargically.

"Not if you don't want me to," I said automatically.

"I want you to."

"What's wrong?"

"Kaien. He...It seems he's my...half brother." He shook his head weakly. "My mother's first kid."

I said nothing bau tightened my grip on him. "I'm sorry."

"He...just told me."

I kissed his temple.

"All I can guess is that he's unhappy about keeping it secret so long."

"It must have hurt him nearly as much as it hurt you."

"I don't know."

"I can only guess. Trust me."

He was silent for a while before he whispered pleadingly, "Don't let go of me please. I can feel them coming back."

My grip simply tightened and I buried my face in his hair. I would never think of it.


Sorry for the lateness. School and illness (slight cough with a fever hoorah!) are not fun. Taming of the Shrew at my school opens tomorrow. I'm not working it but oh well. Musical will give me plenty to do.