Title: Until We Reach Valinor
Chapter 29: Promises
His hand had gone numb hours ago because of hard she was clutching it, but he hadn't said a word, had barely even registered it. He had never had to witness something so harrowing and painful in his life. The amount of pain she was in had shaken him badly. He wondered how women could stand to give birth.
"Legolas," She gasped harshly, her hold on his hand lessening slightly as her latest contraction subsided.
"I'm right here," He whispered, trying to sound reassuring.
It didn't work. "Y-you can go if you want to," She said anxiously, "If this is bothering you-"
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not the one who's giving birth to the child."
She chuckled tiredly. "That's true."
"I'm not going anywhere," He said, knowing that she still needed to hear it.
She didn't say anything, but her hand tightened around his in silent gratitude.
---
His hand was throbbing; pulsing with pain, but he didn't say a word. He would willingly have suffered far worse for far less, when it came to her.
"It hurts- it hurts so much," She moaned.
"There, there, Your Highness," Came the midwife, Arielle's, voice, "Just breathe through it."
"Can't something be done for her?" Legolas asked the midwife, desperately.
"I'm sorry, Your Highness. This is something herbs cannot fix." To his amazement, she sounded amused. "You should be glad that she isn't threatening to kill you by now- I don't know any other woman who's lasted this long through a birthing without screaming bloody murder at her husband."
"Of course I...wouldn't do that," Alanna retorted weakly, her contraction having subsided.
"I wouldn't mind if you did," Legolas said.
"Perhaps not, but I would mind."
"Come, Your Highness," said the midwife, "It is time for you to walk around a little."
"What?!" Alanna asked, horrified. "I can't get up!"
"Yes, you can." Calianna's voice this time, sounding infinitely firmer. Legolas was glad of her matronly presence. She was the only other person besides the midwife and himself who Alanna had allowed to be present during the birthing- she had hated the idea of her pain being witnessed by any more than strictly necessary. "You must, because I say so," Calianna continued. "Now, up!"
He heard Alanna groan in pain, her hand pulling out of his grasp. "Is this entirely necessary?" He asked.
"I'm afraid so, Your Majesty. If she walks, the pull of the earth will hasten the babe's arrival. The pain will only be more drawn out if she does not do this."
"So instead I should invite the pain by hastening along the worst part," Alanna said, and her voice would have been dry if it hadn't been so strained and breathy. "Just wonderful.
Legolas smiled in spite of himself, forgetting that she could see him quite clearly through the curtain. "Don't you smirk at me Legolas Greenleaf!" She exclaimed, "Or I might just reconsider on my resolve not to threaten you."
"I think you did just threaten me," Legolas pointed out.
"That doesn't count..."
---
"If you don't get out of me soon I swear I will KILL YOU!" Alanna screamed, in the throes of one of her worst contractions yet.
"Alanna!" Legolas protested. "Did you just threaten to kill our baby?"
"You... be...quiet," She panted, "It's your fault...that I'm in this situation in the first place."
"Oh, I'm quite sure you had a part in it as well!" He exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood, but the effect was ruined by the concern lacing voice.
"Hush, Alanna," Calianna said, soothingly. "They are getting more and more frequent. It should be soon, now."
"That's not...very comforting."
"I don't think it's supposed to be," Legolas whispered so that only Alanna could hear her, but she was in too much pain to laugh.
"Legolas...I don't think I can get through this." She was crying softly.
"Of course you can," He said, gripping her hand tightly. "Of course you will."
---
"I see the head! We're almost here..."
Legolas's heart leapt into his throat.
Alanna screamed.
"Push!"
"I...can't!"
With a supreme effort of will, Legolas kept his voice low, and soothing. "Yes, you can. You've been waiting for this moment all your life." Alanna screamed again, and he grimaced slightly as she gripped his hand tighter than ever. "Think of holding this babe in your arms. It's only moments away..."
She screamed again, this time so loudly that it was as though her body was torn inside out. There was a ripping, squelching sound, and then moments later, the cries of a newborn babe filled the air. Her hold on his hand relaxed.
"It's over, Your Majesty," The midwife's voice came, soothing Alanna, who was sobbing with exhaustion. "I believe that congratulations are in order."
"Legolas..." He understood immediately what she wanted.
"I'm coming."
But still, he lingered. In a moment, he would finally see the child they had both awaited for so long. He would be given a role that would eclipse all the other roles he had played in his life- he would become a father. Apprehension and anticipation battled for a moment. He rose and slowly drew aside the curtain. Alanna was lying back, exhausted, but happy. Her face was wet with sweat and tears. Calianna, who was fussing over her, moved aside at his approach, leaving his view of her unobstructed. He looked down at her, and saw, in her arms, a baby, swaddled in white- his baby. Tears gathered in his eyes; the joy so strong that it felt like sorrow.
"You were right," She said softly. "It's a girl."
"I..." He shook his head, tears spilling down his cheeks, unable to speak. "She's...
"Absolutely perfect."
"Yes," He said, choking, "She is."
And then Alanna's face contorted with pain, her body arched, and she cried out. "Oh...Valar..." Her eyes were full of fear, confusion and pain.
"What's going on?" He asked in fear, leaping to his feet. "Arielle?"
Arielle didn't respond, merely scooped the baby from Alanna's arms, and thrust her into Legolas's. "You need to lie down again, Your Majesty." She told Alanna, commandingly.
The baby was wailing lustily, and Legolas felt panic bubble up within him; he had no idea how to console her. He wasn't even sure that he was holding her properly. He bounced awkwardly, trying to rock her, but she only screamed louder than ever.
Alanna cried out, her body wracked with pain. "What's…happening?" She said, gasping.
Calianna soothed her, "Everything will be alright." She looked at Legolas. "You must leave. The child..."
Legolas paled. No...
"No," Alanna echoed him, "Legolas…"
Legolas looked from her to his daughter, torn.
"Leave, your Majesty!" Calianna commanded him, and as the baby looked on the verge of screaming herself blue, he knew he had no choice.
"Don't worry," He whispered to Alanna soothingly, "I'll take care of her. I promise."
Please be alright, I need you by my side; I need you there to care for her also...
He stumbled outside half-blindly, and the heavy wooden doors to the bedroom slammed shut behind him, drowning out the sounds of Alanna's cries.
"Fetch Lord Aragorn at once," He said to the maid standing outside.
She nodded, looking alarmed, but hesitated a moment before speeding away. "Your Majesty...perhaps it might be better if you adjusted your arms a little, so that you are supporting the child's head."
"Thank you," Legolas said fervently, adjusting his arms to do as she said. "Now, go."
The maid sped away, leaving him alone with his daughter and her cries. "There, there," He said, softly, trying to soothe her. "Hush." She only screamed louder.
Legolas forced down his panic. What could he do to calm her? He wondered frantically. He was a terrible father if he could not even calm his child...He hadn't even known how to hold her. And then a memory came to him all of a sudden, of Alanna singing a lullaby, when she thought no one was looking, and him concealed behind a shelf in a library or a door, or a clump of trees, not wanting to intrude until the song was finished. Wondering if his mother had ever sang like that to him, or looked at her belly with so much love in the days of her pregnancy. He opened his mouth, and almost without realizing what he was doing, he was singing that same lullaby...To his relief, she calmed, her wails subsiding into soft hiccups. He rocked her gently, but his heart did not cease to race.
He shook the thought off. A happy, healthy She-Elf did not die in childbirth. But then why were there complications? What went wrong? Perhaps she was really unhappy, like my mother, and hers, perhaps she's been fading away all this time, grieving for Rilian, perhaps I missed something, somewhere, somehow...
The lullaby drew to a close, and he went back to the beginning, mechanically. "Hush, dear child; and let the kiss of spring lull you into slumber and sweeten your dreams..."
He looked down at his daughter, and all of a sudden, dread assaulted him. He couldn't do this alone. He needed Alanna. Needed her to make sure their daughter grew up to be cheerful, uninhibited, to teach her how to laugh, and how not to be always regal, because he knew it was something he could never teach her himself, no matter how much he wanted to or how hard he tried, because it was something he had never learnt. The minutes passed like hours, and he sang the lullaby, again, and again, and again, it might have been three times, or it might have been a hundred; he would not have known. It could not have been very long, though, not more than ten minutes; or Aragorn would already have been here. He was probably minutes away, and he would be able to help Alanna with his healing hands...
He didn't hear the oak doors open behind him; they were of Elven make and did not make much noise even when slammed shut or yanked open. The sound of his voice was enough to drown out the faint sound it made. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he stopped singing and turned, startled. The midwife was standing there. There was a smile on her face and her eyes were twinkling slightly.
"Congratulations, Your Highness," She said, smiling, "Your wife awaits you."
He moved across the hallway as if in a dream, his mind unable to comprehend what she meant. Did this mean that Alanna was alright? He entered the bedchamber...and stopped short.
"Legolas..." Alanna's voice was hoarse with screaming, she looked more exhausted than some of the soldiers he seen after the War of the Ring, but she was smiling luminously. "I couldn't believe it either. Twins." She shook her head. "Arielle did not seem very surprised, to tell you the truth. She said she had suspected it from the fifth month, because of how brightly I was glowing, but she didn't say anything because she wasn't sure. This is the first time she's ever delivered twins- you know they're so rare." She smiled down at the babe in her arms. "He's beautiful, isn't he? He," She said smiling, "It looks as though we were both right."
When he didn't respond immediately, she looked at him closely, her eyes filling with concern when she saw the traces of tears on his face. "What's wrong?"
Legolas looked away, unable to speak, because the relief was so profound. He never wanted to be so scared or so helpless ever again. And although he told himself that most of the fear had been for his daughter, deep inside his heart he knew that some of it had been for himself...more of it than he liked to admit.
"Legolas?"
"I..." He shook his head. "I thought..."
The door burst open, and Aragorn sprinted in, panting for breath. "What happened? Alanna, are you alright?" When she just looked at him confusedly, he turned to Legolas, "Is she alright?"
"She's...she's fine," Legolas said, pulling himself together with visible effort. "There was a misunderstanding. I thought something had gone wrong, but it turns out that she only went into labour a second time." He rose and moved aside so Aragorn could see the other baby for himself.
"You thought that I was-?" Alanna began, shock visible on her face, but Legolas cut her off.
"It's alright. You're alright. That's what's important."
But the look in his eyes told her that he wasn't alright. Something like this should not be affecting him so much...unless..."Legolas, you didn't...you didn't think I was dying?"
Legolas said nothing in reply, but his breath caught, his shoulders tensed imperceptibly, and it was answer enough.
Alanna inhaled sharply. "Legolas..." She whispered, stricken.
"Oh...Your Majesty, I did not realize...I would have said something..." Arielle stammered, horrified.
He gave her a weak smile, feeling suddenly uncomfortable, cursing himself for being unable to pull himself together despite his best efforts. "It's alright. You were too occupied Alanna, and that was as it should be."
"Indeed. Congratulations, mellonamin," Aragorn cut in, before anyone could say anything more, knowing that the last thing Legolas wanted was for this to be dwelt on. "They are beautiful children. Are they boys or girls?"
"A boy and a girl," Legolas replied, but he was still so obviously overwrought that Alanna could not but eye him in troubled concern.
Aragorn cleared his throat, knowing intuitively that the two needed to be left alone. "Well, you must be exhausted, Alanna. I think perhaps it is time for us to leave. You need your rest, as do your children, who look ready to droop at any moment. I think the crib is large enough to hold two?" He asked, truing to Calianna.
"Yes," She replied, "I have made all the arrangements. I will be waiting outside tonight, Alanna, in case you need any help when the children require feeding."
"Thank you, Calianna. And you, Arielle."
"It was our pleasure, Your Majesty. Your children are among the finest I have ever delivered, truly."
"Thank you."
"Well, goodnight, to the both of you," Aragorn said, "And congratulations, once again."
The door shut, and they were alone. Alanna looked at Legolas, who was studying the bed-sheet as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. She hesitated for a moment, and then took his hand. "Legolas. Look at me."
Legolas looked up. There was a pained look in his eyes, but it was mingled now with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I know I'm over-reacting-"
"No, you're not. I thought I was dying too, until Arielle told me otherwise. For a moment, I was so terrified; I thought, 'I will never forgive myself if I leave my daughter motherless.' It's my worst fear. I, of all people, can understand."
"But it wasn't just that," Legolas admitted after a moment's hesitation. He wanted her, needed her, to really understand. "I was so scared that I would have to raise her alone. I cannot do this alone." Not without you. I don't want her to end up like me. I don't want myself to end up like my father. That's my worst fear.
"You won't have to," She said, fervently, "I'm right here. I'm alright."
"And thank the Valar for that," He whispered, so fervently that she was touched, realizing, as he had, that not all of his fear had been for their daughter.
"I'll never leave," She said softly, earnestly, her brown eyes were full of compassion and understanding and. You'll never have to do this alone. I will always be here. I swear it."
He looked at her, startled by the familiarity of her words. And he remembered something that he had been trying to live by since he had married her, and had promised her to live by in so many words.
"I will always catch you when you fall. I swear it."
He knew that she remembered too. Knew that that was why she had chosen those words. His eyes met hers unwaveringly, and he felt the fear fall away.
Always.
Until eternity fades.
I swear it.
TBC...
Hey, people! Sorry I haven't updated in so long, my exams have been going on. (They thankfully got over yesterday). Now I'm free for awhile...my next round of exams is in April. How did you like my twist with the twins!!!! I've been planning that right from the start of the story; I can't tell you how good it is to get here. I know Legolas was a little bit more emotional in this chapter, and I hope it didn't come across as out-of-character. I just figured that having been so shaken and tensed by the amount of pain she was in, and then on top of that to think she was dying, would have been enough to crack even HIS usually infallible mask. I'm also sure that he would be worried about his daughter going through what he did, history repeating itself, and all- I think she would be too (after all, she was an orphan all her life, in case you've forgotten.) And about portraying Legolas as the one needing reassurance in this scene, I just wanted to show that they both had their different insecurities. It can't always be him reassuring Alanna- I wanted Alanna to have a chance to return the favour for once.
A warning: After the next couple of chapters, which will probably be fluffy and nice, this story's going to get a bit dark and depressing, and many of you aren't going to like me for what I have planned. But I've had it planned since forever, and I think its how the story needs to end.
But don't worry; there is the last piece in this series to look forward to, a kind of winding up, tying up of loose ends kind of story. So chin up, people.
