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Edward's POV
At first Bella didn't move. She simply stared at me, her dull golden eyes un-moving.
Nobody was moving.
Bella began breathing again. She sat up slowly, her eyes not moving from mine.
She tilted her head slightly. Her head was still silent.
But that didn't make sense? Had her shield returned?
"Bella?" I took a step closer, slowly. Judging each individual moment.
She cringed back against the bed frame and I dropped my head.
I had upset her, acted to quickly. Perhaps I should leave.
But then I was flying backwards and I slammed through a wall. An angry hiss sounding from somewhere. Then something pierced into my shoulder and I cried out in pain.
Emmett's POV
The little squirt punched Bellsy bear! It was so hilarious! I couldn't contain my laughter.
The rest of my family took in shocked breaths, but I was so proud. The little guy had spirit.
But then I stopped. Bella had woken up.
And she jumped at Edward.
None of us moved, it was so unexpected. I reacted first finally, Bella was hurting Edward!
I charged forward and pulled her off him. By now Alice had regained her composure and was taking Edward away.
Jasper came and helped me with a now sobbing Bella.
Carlisle went to check on Edward, Esme and Rosalie took the kid.
I hope he hadn't watched that.
Bella collapsed in my arms, her entire being shaking. I turned to Jasper. "What's going on?"
"She's so guilty." He couldn't speak. Neither of us knew what to do. I figured it's best we keep her from Edward.
I pulled her shaking figure into my arms and set her down at the bed. Jasper's calming waves eased my tension slightly, but it seemed to have no effect on Bella. "What should we do Emmett?"
My hands stroked softly along my little sisters back. "Bella, what's wrong?"
She didn't respond. Did I still have to talk to her like a child? "Something is wrong."
Bella slowed and nodded slightly. "Something is wrong. What is wrong?"
"He- I- Hate. I'm confused." Her voice was shaky and she curled up on herself.
Jasper coughed. "You hate someone." Again Bella nodded. "Who do you hate?"
"All of you. None of you. I don't know!" She shouted and began sobbing louder. I was ashamed to admit I wasn't keeping up with any of this.
Alice entered then and shoved me out of the way. She took Bella in her arms and smoothed her hair, muttering soothing words. "It's alright Bella. It will all be alright. There's no need to cry."
Jasper murmered a lame excuse to leave. I wanted to join him. I hated to see my Bellsy cry. But I knew I needed to stay, untill she was okay with Edward. I was her best form of communication. "You're upset."
My pixie sister remained quiet, simply smoothing Bella's hair. "Why are you upset?"
Bella shook her head quickly. "I hate him, but I love him. I didn't want to hurt him. But I did and I want to again. I'm so confused."
Her breathing hitched again as another round of sobs began. I didn't understand. I looked worryingly to Alice. "I don't understand Alice."
"Rosalie actually knows more about this. I'll go get her, watch the child for her. Hold Bella Emmett and remember everything she says." Alice moved over slightly and I slid into her place. She dashed quickly out of the room and I took Bella's head in my arms.
"It's a nice day today." My attempts at conversation were feeble, but Bella's lips curved slightly. A tiny smile.
She sighed. "I like the sun."
"I do as well. Too bad I just can't go out in public on a day like this." I chuckled slightly. Imagining a humans reaction.
Bella nodded slowly with understanding. "I'm thirsty."
Rosalie came in the room then, again I switched places. Rosalie kissed her forehead lightly. "Hello Bella."
Little Bellsy frowned. "Bella?"
My love looked to me panicked. "What is your name?"
"I- I don't know." Bella began sobbing again and I swore beneath my breath.
I looked to Rosalie frantically. "What do we do? Where do we start?"
Rose shook her head. I swore again and left the room. I had to find Edward.
Edward's POV
My love had bit me.
She had attacked me.
"Edward you'll be fine in a few hours. The pain may last longer as the venom is already in your system. I'm unable to do anything about that." Carlisle looked sympathetically towards me before cleaning the office.
Jasper was sending an absurd amount of calmness towards me.
It wasn't helping.
Rosalie and Emmett were talking to Bella downstairs. "I- I don't know."
I heard as Emmett swore. "What do we do? Where do we start?"
After a few moments he then proceeded to climb up the stairs to me. Everyones minds were numb, shocked. Nobody understood what was going on.
But I did.
"Edward. You need to get down there. You know what's going on don't you?" Emmett paced nervously in front of me. His thoughts frantic, muddled. But he was sure that I could help Bella.
I shook my head. "I can't help her Emmett. She hates me."
Emmett growled and grabbed my face in his hands. "You KNOW she loves you Edward. And I KNOW you love her. You love her right?"
"Yes. Of course, forever."
He growled again. "Then get your ASS down there and help her. Don't you dare make me fucking drag you. Because I will."
My eyes widened. Never had Emmett talked like this. Taken control like this.
It was what I needed.
I pushed off from my chair and dashed downstairs. The halls passed in a blur.
Rosalie was comforting Bella. When I entered I did it slowly, waiting at the doorway.
My love didn't attack me. That was a start.
I smiled cautiously. "Hello."
"Hi. I'm- I'm sorry about before." She chewed her lower lip, a quirk of hers I'd always loved.
My hands clasped in front of me. "It's alright."
Rosalie looked between us quickly, confused. "Is it alright if I leave?"
I looked to Bella. "I think so. He doesn't look like he will hurt me."
My sister chuckled. "I think you can take him if he tries. Good luck, Bella."
To my surprise, Bella didn't look nearly as confused as before with the name. "Um- Thanks. Rosalie."
Rose brushed passed me. Smiling reassuringly.
I turned back to Bella. She seemed to be leaning towards me. I moved just inside the door, closing it behind me. "I remember you. I just- It's not all my memories."
"I understand." My hands flinched, I so badly wanted to take her in my arms and hug her.
She chewed her lip again. "I know I'm supposed to love you. I'm just finding it hard. Some of the memories, the thoughts, they seem so real."
"What thoughts, what memories?" I prompted her.
Again, she chewed her lip. "I'm not sure which ones to mention. At any point did I rip your head off?"
I chuckled and shook my head. "No. I'm sure I would remember that."
"So, it was more of a fantasy then, something I wanted."
Sighing I scratched the back of my neck. "It wasn't what you wanted. Do you remember what happened a few nights ago? At the field?"
"There are so many versions. Can you explain it to me?" Bella patted the chair across from her.
Something inside me rejoiced that she wanted me so close. I happily sat down and explained the night to her.
Bella took it fairly well. I was pleased. Maybe we really could work through this. "Edward?"
I blinked slowly. She had addressed me by my name. "Yes?"
"You need to leave." Bella pulled her knees up and began rocking back and forth.
I nodded stunned and walked towards the door. "Alright. Do you need anything else?"
"Send Carlisle in. Please." Bella hid her face behind her hair.
I cringed and closed the door, heading to get Carlisle.
Bella's POV
"I'm hurting him Carlisle." My hands trembled. Thoughts of Edward spun around my head. Not many of them were good.
Carlisle ran his fingers through his hair. "Bella. We can work through this. It'll take time."
"Carlisle. I can't love any of you, not like this. I need to fix it. I know you know how to fix it. So why aren't you telling me?"
He sighed and sat down, folding his hands in his lap. "When you were unconscious. I took a scan of your brain. To put it simply, damage was done to the memory-controlling system of your brain. I don't know how, but you shouldn't have any memory right now."
I didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue. "Your gift, it's keeping your memory, along with James and Victoria's. The assumption is that, if you sever whatever hold there is on James and Victoria's being, you will loose your memory. The extent of the damage on your brain, I can't tell how much of your memory you will loose."
"But, I won't have to deal with Victoria's or Jame's thoughts anymore?"
"No, but you need to understand. I can't guarantee the extent of your memory loss. It may be so damaged that you won't remember anything, nor ever will. Bella, the pain you're putting Edward through now, it's nothing compared to never knowing his name. Never being able to share happy memories with him."
My hands clenched into fists. "I can't be around him. Every second I'm debating whether to kill him or not. I know I'm hurting him with whatever choice I make. But this," I gestured to myself. "This is hurting me more."
"You have time to think about this, I mean, do you even know how to fix this?"
I found myself chuckling. "Yes. Carlisle?" He hummed his acknowledgement. "I just thought I should tell you goodbye. I may not be able to wait much longer."
His eyes widened before he took a steadying breath. And then I found myself wrapped in his arms.
I can't say I was comfortable with this, but Victoria or James hadn't hated Carlisle. So the thoughts were easy to dismiss.
Carlisle left the room after I asked him to see Alice.
She was in my room within seconds. It brought back the memories of her. I had to tell her. "Alice. You were in a psychiatric hospital."
Alice gasped, but didn't make a move to interrupt me. "They used shock therapy. That's why you can't remember." That's all I knew. I hoped it would be enough.
"Oh, thank you Bella. I'm going to miss you, I would ask for you to change your mind. But I know it's set." Alice was sobbing as she took me in her arms.
I hugged her warmly, my mind too overwhelmed to consider ways to kill her. Like James so badly wanted to. "You need to promise me something Alice."
"What Bella? Anything."
My voice shook, my eyes stinging with tears that would never fall. "Don't let Edward stop me. If it's as bad as Carlisle thinks, make sure he doesn't blame himself. None of you can blame yourselves." Alice sobbed once, loudly. "And, if I'm too bad. If you're being hurt by me. Send me away. I don't know if I can myself."
Alice began sobbing then. She knew it was real. She had accepted it.
I did too. I may be about to forget my sister.
Stare at her without knowing her name.
I sent Alice away before I started sobbing. It was time for me to say goodbye to everyone. I asked her for Jasper next.
It was odd, it was like I was about to die.
I suppose I was about to die, in a way.
Jasper came in. There wasn't much I needed to tell him, much I needed to ask from my brother.
He knew that. He sat down and held my hand gently, sending calming waves.
I looked out my window, the sun was setting in the most beautiful way.
"We can work through this Bella. I hate to be selfish, but please? Don't do this. Even if the chance is minor that you will remember. If you forget, I don't know how I will cope with it. How any of us will cope with it."
My head shook slowly. I couldn't be selfless anymore. I wanted to, and he was being so rude asking me to. "I can't Jasper. You know how much it hurts me."
He shook his head slowly and we both turned to look out the window.
Jasper left, but I was too distracted watching the birds that flew from tree-top to tree-top.
I wondered briefly what they would taste like.
But then I was reminded of my father, for his blood was the most recent I had smelt. The most recent that was appealing. Not to me of course, but to James and Victoria.
What would we do about my Dad? We would have to tell him I was dead.
I stopped the train of thought as I begun to envision my teeth piercing his skin, his blood pouring down my mouth-
He would be okay. I would make Esme promise. I listened as Jasper asked for Esme now. Edward was hopefully out hunting. I didn't want him to be here. He was the person most likely to change my mind.
"Bella. I love you. You will always be part of the family. No matter what happens, whether you remember us or not. We'll look after you." Esme was suddenly by my side.
I was glad she wasn't sobbing, although I could see she wanted to. "Thank you Esme. You have to promise me something." Esme nodded weakly, her eyes moving from mine to stare at our hands. "Take care of Charlie. Renee as well, although she has Phil now."
Esme let out a breath. "Of course Bella. Of course."
I then let her hold me, smoothing my hair. My heart was being torn in two, her compassion demanded my love.
But I so badly wanted to end her existence.
It had been worth it though, right? I had saved the boy and Charlie.
"Goodbye Bella. I'll see you soon." Esme dashed out of the room.
I wasn't offended by her quick departure. I heard her muffled sobs in the loungue room.
Emmett and Rosalie were sent in. I supposed both of them needed each other's support.
I teased Emmett easily as he entered. "I'm not dying Emmett. Don't cry on me."
"Oh Bellsy Bear. You know I would never cry." He took me in one of his bear hugs. The notion sent a wave of fear and anger through me.
After I asked him politely to let go he did and sent me an apologetic glance. "Do you want me to get the child Bella?"
"No, I don't need to say my farewells to Chris." I didn't. I would remember Chris forever.
Rosalie gasped quietly. It was the first time I'd mentioned the child's name. I'd known it all along of course, as well as the fact that I'd- Victoria- Had killed his parents.
I didn't want to talk anymore, I was so tired of fighting the urge to kill everyone in the house.
Rosalie and Emmett knew. They also knew that I needed to speak to Edward.
Which is what I didn't want to do.
Edward's POV
Rosalie met me upstairs, sobbing. I wasn't entirely sure why. Until I heard her thoughts.
The growl that escaped my throat was so intense, I actually scared myself slightly.
The door slammed against the wall, surely ruining some of the plaster.
Bella flinched, but I didn't stop. "How dare you Bella? You can't do this to me again. You can't leave me again!"
I shouted at her and watched as she flinched back. "I have to Edward. I can't hate you and love you at the same time! Want to rip your head off and kiss you!"
"Please Bella! What you're about to do, it will hurt me more! Each day you'll forget, not knowing who you are, or where you are. I'll have to get to know you again each day. Get you to love me each day only to have you forget again! We may not even have a day, you may only remember for that of thirty seconds!"
Bella was sobbing now. But I still couldn't shut my mouth. "Do you want that Bella? What you'll be doing, it will hurt me. Do you want to hurt me?"
"I have to be selfish Edward. I have to do this. I want to love you!" She slammed her fist against the mattress, splitting the bed frame.
I stopped speaking and rushed to her side, pulling her shaking figure to my chest. I ignored the way she tensed, the way she stopped breathing.
My family were waiting at the doorway now. All of them without hope. All of them accepting that this is what Bella wanted.
I just had to accept it now.
"You can't Bella. Please. Please don't." My words were a plea now. I was being so unbelievably stubborn, selfish.
But I can't loose Bella again.
Bella took a deep staggering breath. "I have too."
And that was it. There was no changing her mind.
I would have to put up with her never knowing my name, never remembering anything.
But I would.
Because I loved her.
I could let her go, knowing she would be happy.
Except she wouldn't remember it.
"I love you Bella." I pulled her head to my mouth, inhaling her scent.
"I love you Bella." I kissed her head and ran my hand all the way down her arm.
"I love you Bella." My throat tightened, my eyes stinging unbelievably.
As I sobbed my love laid her head back against my chest.
She closed her eyes.
My Bella opened her shattered mind, for the last time.
Whispering five precise words.
I love you Edward, forever.
