Shepard called her crew up individually, running through every last bit of preparation before their arrival at the Citadel. The Normandy was ready. Her crew wasn't.
Garrus hadn't even managed to muster up his usual enthusiasm for the Thanix cannon. She knew where his thoughts lay. Somewhere on the Citadel. The same place they'd be a few hours from now.
Thane was still out of action, though almost fully recovered. She checked her omni-tool, hoping for a message, then went back to her weapons. Her knives were pristine. She picked out a set of knuckle dusters just in case, then went to lay her clothes out.
Once again she'd decided against full armour for the Citadel. It seemed over the top, considering she wasn't supposed to be the one getting shot. Shepard frowned as she caught sight of her Garrus holo.
It was no good worrying about him. She'd be with him every step of the way, for better or for worse.
Shepard switched her thoughts back to Mordin and his instructions. They were to collect the new amplifier from the asari artisan they'd contacted back at the Grissom Academy, a clandestine transaction completed through Thane's shadowy web of bank accounts. They'd chosen the best available—built completely to her own personal specs.
Once that was collected they would meet Mordin at a private clinic where he would complete installation. There was only the small matter of Sidonis to deal with first. And one other thing. Still no message. Damn it, there was still time.
Shepard got dressed, sat down at her desk, and waited.
-0-0-0-0-
She couldn't believe she was doing this. Walking out into the crowded walkways to help her best friend murder someone.
Her attempts at cajoling him out of it had gone unnoticed. Instead Garrus wound himself tighter into the twist of revenge that gripped him, leaving Shepard to try and tease it apart.
Somewhere above her Garrus was setting up. He'd be taking out his beloved gun, running the usual checks before getting into position, and all for the wrong reasons.
Shepard forced herself not to glance upwards as his voice sounded through her comm.
"Shepard? Can you hear me?"
"Yes." She paced across the expanse of space, glancing at the shoppers as they passed. A woman chatted to a friend. Nearby a young asari laughed as she looked at her new purchases.
"Alright, there he is." There was throb to Garrus' voice, and Shepard scanned around. A turian matching Sidonis' description sat hunched on a nearby bench.
"Lead him over and keep him talking."
Sidonis caught her eye, and Shepard gestured for him to approach her. He didn't look anything like she'd expected. This turian looked worn and wary, looking about with quick, tremulous, flicks of his mandibles.
When he reached her and spoke, he voice was weary. "Let's get this over with."
"You're in my shot," Garrus warned her. "Move to the side."
She hesitated. Garrus wouldn't miss. He would kill someone who used to be his friend. He would make the same mistake she had.
"Listen Sidonis, I'm here to help you."
The name made him flinch, eyes staring wildly round. "Don't ever say that name aloud."
"I'm a friend of Garrus'. He wants you dead. I don't think that's necessary."
Sidonis started to weave, and Shepard moved with him, conscious of the sights trained on the back of her head, and the angry marksman with his finger on the trigger.
"Garrus? Is…is this some kind of joke?" Sidonis said, his voice high with fear.
"Dammit Shepard, if he moves I'm taking the shot," Garrus said.
Shepard stood her ground. She had faith in him to see he was wrong. Surely there was no way he could fail to see that through his scope, and she had to trust in that.
"You're not kidding are you?" Sidonis seemed to have shrunk before her. This was no enemy. She had killed many creatures, and almost all of them she had deemed to be a threat of one kind or another. Sidonis was not one of them.
"I'm not sticking around here, tell Garrus I had my own problems. Tell him —"
"Don't move," Shepard ordered, grabbing his shoulder and yanking him to a halt. "Look, I'm the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head. Now keep still."
"Fuck." Sidonis stared at her, utterly motionless. "I didn't want to do it, you know. I didn't have a choice."
"Everyone has a choice," Garrus spat.
"They got to me. They said they'd kill me if I didn't help," Sidonis pleaded. "What was I supposed to do?"
"Let me take the shot, Shepard, he's a damn coward."
"So you did this to save yourself?" Shepard asked, ignoring Garrus.
"Yes. Look, I know what I did," Sidonis said. "I know they died because of me. I have to live with that. I wake up every night, sick, sweating, each of their faces staring at me. Accusing me. I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over."
"Just give me the chance," Garrus snarled.
Shepard looked at Sidonis and felt her own regret. "You have to let this go, Garrus. He's paying for his mistake. He deserves another chance."
"Bullshit. He hasn't paid enough," Garrus argued. "He still has his life."
"And what is he going to do with that exactly? Does he look like a threat to you? Is killing him going to help anyone?" Shepard asked as she turned to look up at the balcony where her friend waited. "Will it help you sleep?"
"My men…they deserved better."
"We don't always get what we deserve," she murmured.
"Tell Garrus…I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right," Sidonis mumbled.
Shepard looked back at him, and Garrus spoke.
"Just…go. Tell him to go."
Shepard forced her sorrow away at the sound of his voice and the pain she heard rippling through it.
"Sidonis?" She put her hand on his shoulder, and he flinched at the contact. "He's giving you a second chance. Not everyone is so lucky. Use it."
He nodded and stepped away from her. "I'll try. I'll make it up to him…somehow."
She waited until he'd gone before heading back, her feet heavy as she climbed the stairs.
Garrus was waiting. "I know you want to talk about this, but I don't. Not yet."
Shepard stared at him. "There are some mistakes you don't come back from. You made the right choice."
"Really? I'm not so sure." Garrus turned away and looked out over the walkway.
Shepard shrugged. "Give it time. You'll see."
"Yeah. Maybe that'll be enough."
They both stood, watching the world pass by beneath them.
"I want to know I did the right thing, not just for me. For my men. They deserved to be avenged. But when Sidonis was in my sights I just couldn't do it," Garrus said, his eyes fixed firmly on the people below.
"It isn't easy, not when it's someone you know. Things get complicated." She'd seen complicated. She was still living with the consequences years later, the sure knowledge of a blade sliding into someone you called a friend and the look of surprise as the life flickered from their eyes.
Garrus had been spared that at least.
"It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey…I don't know what to do with grey."
"We'll get through this, I promise." She leant into his side for a moment, then straightened. "Come on. I've still got things to do."
"Yeah. I need some distance. Maybe I'll go find a bar. Have a couple of drinks. That will do nicely."
There was something there in the undercurrent of his voice, something that made Shepard hesitate.
"I'm going back to the ship. Are you coming?"
Garrus avoided her gaze. "I thought you were going to meet Mordin, get your implant cleaned out."
"No. There's someone I need to see first."
"Then I guess I'll see you later," Garrus said, not even bothering to look back as he walked away.
Shepard watched him, weighing up the options she had left to her before coming to a decision. He needed some time to work through whatever was going on in his head, and if he still hadn't surfaced by the time she woke, well, she knew what to do. And where to find him.
-0-0-0-0-
The reply arrived on the way back. Shepard paced in the corridor, her eyes fixed on the adjoining passage at the end. After long minutes she saw the C-Sec officers march into view, amongst them the young drell. One of the officers pointed at her, and Kolyat walked over, dragging his feet.
"Oh, it's you. You want something?"
Shepard kept her face blank. "There was something I wanted to ask you. It's about your father," she added as he started to walk away.
"What about him?" Kolyat folded his arms and stared at her.
"I wanted to ask you if you'd like to see him."
"What? Now?"
"Yes. Now," Shepard said. She could see now why things hadn't been going as Thane hoped.
"I've got work to do," Kolyat said. Before he could walk away Shepard was in his path.
"Thane is your father. I know he's made mistakes, but he's family, and that has to count for something," she said.
Kolyat sneered, and any resemblance to his father vanished beneath the expression of contempt. "What would you know about family?"
"Nothing," Shepard admitted. "But I do know this might be your last chance."
He weighed up her words, eyes flicking to the ship outside then back at her as he weighed up the implications of what she was saying.
"Fine. I'll see him. Think you can find someone else to take me? I wouldn't want to take up any more of your precious time."
"Kelly?" Shepard turned away from Kolyat. "There's a guest here for Sere Krios. Could you escort him to Life Support?"
"Right away, Commander."
Kelly appeared within moments, and her face lit up at the sight of the drell. "This way," she gushed.
Shepard didn't watch them leave. She had an appointment to keep.
-0-0-0-0-
The gentle voice of an asari floated through her mind, and for a moment Shepard felt confusion flood through her drugged brain.
"Commander?"
She forced her eyelids open. Shepard saw the slightly hazy features of Mordin and the asari float into view. Those drugs had certainly done their job.
"You might experience some disorientation," the asari said gently. "But we do need to check you before you go."
"Alright." Shepard grinned broadly. "What did you have in mind?"
"Language functions unimpaired. Cognitive functions unaffected," Mordin murmured as he circled her with a scanner in hand. "Operation a success. Thank you, help much appreciated. Commander?"
"Mmm?" She opened her eyes again and got slowly to her feet. The room swayed uncomfortably, and Shepard was forcibly reminded of the reason she stopped taking drugs. Being able to stand straight during a fight was a definite bonus. "Mordin, I'm not sure I'm going to make it back just now. Maybe we could—"
"Up and at 'em, Shep." Kasumi appeared and looped her arm round her waist. "The good doctor here thought you might need a hand getting home. Well, I could hardly resist the offer. I mean, look at you. You'd never get anywhere in this state. I bet you make a terrible drunk."
Shepard let the words wash over her. She stumbled to the transport and only woke up when they'd stopped near the Normandy. She was an easy target, but even that thought couldn't clear the fog that had settled over her.
"Almost home, Shep."
She heard Kolyat's voice float by. "See you, Commander." There was a definite sneer to it, and Shepard let her head loll as the cruel truth of his words sank in. She knew nothing about family. Nothing at all.
-0-0-0-0-
Cool fingers traced over her forehead, brushing down the side of her face.
"Cora."
She remembered stumbling to bed and nothing beyond it. Shepard batted at the hand and opened her eyes to find Thane sat on her bed. He withdrew his hand slowly.
"Mordin asked me to check on you. The drugs should be wearing off."
Shepard propped herself up on her elbow and took a sip of water from the glass at her bedside table. She could control her limbs again, and the fuzziness seemed to have vanished, leaving a deathly thirst in its wake.
"They are," she said. "I guess we're going to have to do those tests again."
"From what I can gather you will be at an advantage. Your new amplifier is impressive."
"You should know, you paid for it. I'll repay you once this is—"
"There is no need, siha," Thane interrupted. "I would consider it an honour if you accepted it as a gift."
Shepard put her drink down, caught sight of the holo and sat up quickly. "EDI?"
"Yes, Shepard?"
"Is Garrus on board?"
"Garrus is not aboard the ship. He is currently located in the Purgatory bar."
"How long have I been asleep?" Shepard asked, meeting Thane's concerned gaze.
"Four hours, fifty-one minutes and s—"
"That's all, EDI." Shepard threw back the covers and got to her feet, pausing for a moment as she gauged the extent of drugs in her system. The effect had faded and she felt the slight prickle as her biotics responded before she tamped down on them.
"Is something wrong?" Thane asked, getting to his feet and following her around the room. He followed her searching gaze and brought the top she was looking for, flipping it the right way with one clean movement.
Four hours, fifty-one minutes for a couple of drinks, not including the time it took to recalibrate her implant and install her new amp. She would have to go and dig Garrus out of whatever hole he'd fallen into.
"It's Garrus. He went looking for revenge on the guy that betrayed his squad, and I talked him out of it," Shepard said as she pulled the top on and crammed her feet into her boots. "I thought he might need some time to himself. I didn't think he'd need carrying back."
She took Thane's hand and pressed a quick kiss onto his cheek. "I should go and get him. You can wait here if you'd like."
Thane glanced down at her hands slipping from his. "I must meditate on my meeting with Kolyat. Be careful, siha. You are not at your best."
She hadn't been at her best in a long time. The only difference now was that she could almost feel it, the sure knowledge that it she had everyone at her side for the challenges ahead then she would be. She'd always worked best as part of a team. Not as Commander Shepard, sailing singlehandedly round the galaxy saving the day, but as part of something bigger.
"I know. But he needs me. I won't be long."
She left Thane in the elevator, taking careful, deliberate, steps through the Citadel until she reached the bar.
Once there it was easy to find Garrus. She simply picked the corner she would have chosen.
"A couple of drinks?" Shepard sat down next to Garrus and peered at him through the shadows. The table was littered with empty glasses. A puddle of purple liquid oozed off the side and dripped onto the floor at her feet. Garrus was tilted to the side, one elbow propped on the seat beside him.
"You offering?" he slurred. An asari waitress bobbed over and Shepard ordered.
Once she'd gone, Shepard sat back and kicked Garrus in the shin. "What are you doing? We have a bar on the ship, not that I've visited it."
"We do. We also have a thief living in there, and I'm not in the mood for talking."
The waitress bustled back over. She gave Garrus his usual, then put a handful of shot glasses down in front of Shepard.
"Here's to your men," she said, raising the shot glass in front of her.
Garrus straightened up and took the glass from her fingers. "You don't have to do this."
"No, I don't. And neither do you. Let's go back."
"No." Garrus threw the glass across the dance floor and Shepard watched it skitter beneath the dancer's feet before vanishing under a table.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Shepard said, shifting away from him and picking up another drink. "Did I piss you off earlier? I hope so." She raised the glass to her lips and poured the liquor down her throat, regretting it instantly.
Garrus looked away. "I should have killed him. You should have let me kill him."
"This isn't like you," Shepard said. "I don't know what is going on in that head of yours, but I'm staying here and drinking until you tell me." She raised another glass and swallowed the contents with a shudder.
The remnants of the drugs were starting to combine with the liquor, giving everything an odd shimmer. Colours felt brighter. Her skin was humming. What the hell had she ordered?
Garrus took his drink, downed it in one messy gulp. "You ever heard of Corpalis Syndrome?"
Shepard shrugged.
"It's a turian thing. Real nasty. It takes your brain…it takes everything you are and it destroys it one bit at a time. All you're left with is an empty shell." Garrus looked up at her. "My mother has it. She was diagnosed a while ago, and here I am at the other end of the galaxy. Shit."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Shepard said. "Garrus—"
"I know. I know. I'm no use to her anyway. May as well let Sol deal with it, she was always better at this."
He looked lost, and Shepard clenched her jaw as she searched through the options, giving her own feelings no quarter. She couldn't keep him at her side forever. She'd always known that.
"You don't have to come through the relay. We could stop by Palaven. You could—"
Garrus turned and looked at her. His visor was shimmering on his face, streaks of blue and grey blurs, and Shepard blinked furiously in a bid to clear her vision.
"I'm not going anywhere. We go through that relay. We kill every bastard we find on the other side, and we come back."
"And then I dump you on Palaven. No arguments," Shepard said, and she laid her head on the sticky table. The surface was cold against her skin. Her breath was sighing in her ears.
There was a clink next to her head. "What did you order?" Garrus asked.
"Whatever was on special offer. You weren't supposed to let me drink it."
When she pulled her head up off the table Garrus was talking to the waitress and pointing at her drink.
The moment the waitress left Garrus stumbled to his feet. "We should get back. Think you can stand?"
"Yes." Shepard stood up and found that the room was floating around her. When she took a step the floor changed direction, and she watched it drift closer only for Garrus to pull her upright. "What did I order?" she murmured, slipping her arm round Garrus' waist.
"You ever heard of 'the Rains of Rakhana'?"
"No."
Garrus' hip was digging into her side. She considered adjusting her position, then felt him sway. This was going to be an interesting walk home.
"You should ask Thane. I'm sure he knows all about it."
"Oh."
They wound their way through the Citadel, holding each other upright. When one stumbled the other would correct them. There were no more words that needed to be said.
Shepard knew, through the haze, that she was holding Garrus back. There had to be a way to set him free. She had to find it.
