Hey everyone!
Updating from my phone, so expect some errors. I'll purge through it tomorrow from my computer, where I can filter it through a Grammar software. Sorry for the super long delay. I've had this little puppy on my docs for awhile now, but my main story and ocd have held me back from finishing/posting. -Just post it, Ayde. Its okay, it doesn't have to be perfect... Gah! I swear, this is what will prevent me from publishing anything. I sneer at my writing more than I write. Oh well. I wanted to give y'all a Happy Halloween gift. I hope it was worth the wait! Enjoy!
Chapter 28: Gone
Kagome's tears fell into the pool and mixed with the warm water she rested in. The time that had passed since she last spoke to Inuyasha was unaccountable, actively ignored by her perception so that it seemed both like ages and meer seconds. In the moments that she felt that her eyes had finally dried, another wave of heartache would creep in from behind and have her weeping once again. 'Why' was the constant question. Why did she keep crying? Why did it hurt so much? Why did she do what she did? It was difficult to say whether she regretted her actions or not. For once, she felt a semblance of freedom, of something being right within her, and of hope for something better ahead. Yet, journeying along side those sentiments was the mourning and the fear and the inconsolable loneliness that latched onto the former like a barnacle, all dirty and out of place; a set of blemishes that stole the spotlight from an otherwise beautiful creature and made ugly anything they touched.
And the tears were draining. Lip drying and headache inducing, with the force of a truck driving her into a slumber, Kagome shut her eyes as she picked at the scabs on her leg, imagining the red float up in the pool, spreading out like ink. Drip. Another tear fell into the pool. A deep red pool, she imagined. The red from her leg would have touched the surface and dyed it scarlet. It would look like the color of punch served at a dance, but it wouldn't be juice. It would be blood. Her blood. Oh, she was tired.
Her friends were there. She could hear their laughter. She opened her eyes, and saw a bright-blue sky with white, puffy clouds. The chime of the school bell was heard beyond the low rumbles and roars of cars on the freeway, and she was in a public pool with her friends. Miroku pinched Sango's upper thigh, a hairline distance from the fabric of her bikini bottom, and she squealed. Shippo and the kids splashed each other, and Inuyasha kept an arm on Kikyo's shoulder, looking as though he didn't care for anything, but incapable of hiding his separation anxiety anytime Kikyo moved. To her surprise, Kagome's shoulder was kissed, so delicately she nearly mistook it for a butterfly landing on her skin, but it was him, and she was in his lap, engulfed by his affectionate gaze.
Sesshomaru, her lips moved, but no sound came out. Sesshomaru, she tried again, and this time his eyes furrowed intensely, looking ahead. She looked too, and saw the red. Blood matted Shippo's hair and colored the kids faces. The towels Miroku and Sango wrapped themselves in were stained red, and the red touched Inuyasha and Kikyo, and, looking down, it touched her too.
She yelled, but her voice was far away. She tried to move, but it pulled her further in. And it was hot, practically scalding her, cooking her alive. She looked at her reddened hands and they burned like fire, and when she looked up the fire was there, taking the place of her friends. There were screams, laughter, and the dong of a heavy bell coming from atop the steps that appeared in front of her.
Kikyo, Kagome thought, and she realized she expected to see her at the top. How or why never crossed her mind. She stepped out of the boiling blood and onto the burning steps, running up by sets of two. A familiar scent caught her nose, and she thought of home.
She reached the top, sprinting into a trail of blood that lead to hunched over Kikyo looming over an eerily still Inuyasha.
"Kikyo!" Kagome shouted with a gasp, "What happened? Is Inuyasha alright?"
She slid onto her knees besides the unresponsive Kikyo sobbing into Inuyasha's chest. Tetsusaiga stood upright from his chest, plunged into the wound that wept with blood.
"In… Inuyasha?" Kagome extended out her hand, but recoiled and looked away. He wasn't breathing. He was so still… She couldn't see him like that. She couldn't handle the anguish that woke inside her like a rising monster waiting to crush her. Either to support herself or Kikyo, Kagome wasn't sure when she placed her hand on Kikyo's shoulder, but Kikyo swatted her away with an aggressive slap.
Kagome jumped, holding her hand, and when she looked at Kikyo, she shrunk into her shoulders. Kikyo's eyes were coated with a brine of malice, shining with a reflecting of the fire that surrounded them, claiming it as her own. But her eyes were not focused, staring at something that was not there, but far off in the distance of her mind. Once more, Kagome touched her shoulder.
Kikyo gave a sharp inhale before shaking Kagome away, as though the sudden contact burned her. Her head hung languidly, almost as though it were detached from her spine, but it cradled by the shoulder Kagome had touched. Taking a nervous swallow, Kagome whispered Kikyo's name, once nearly in complete silence, and again with more efficacy. Kikyo's brows twitched, and her large, unfocused pupils became myopic, shifting quickly to meet Kagome's gaze.
"You…" her voice was dry, a sound of sandpaper grinding together. The fire in her eyes that had been directed to the imaginary was now fixed on Kagome, who's hands threatened to tremble from fright. "Why are you here? For what reason did you appear? To torture me more?! Or am I suppose to suspect that you're the culprit of this. A false impresario for me to cast my anger towards? So that when my mind is crushed, I will be more willing to cause you harm as that woman desires? As long as there is breath within me, I refuse to be used as a puppet!"
"Okay, first off, I don't recall you ever having a problem hurting me," Kagome mumbled bitterly, "Second, I don't know what you're talking about. What woman? Do you mean that demoness? What happened to Inuyasha? Did she do this?"
"That woman… that woman… that woman…"
"Kikyo?"
She looked away from Kagome, swaying slightly, her eyes returning to that vacant stare. The repetitive words continued to spill from her mouth, as though she were entranced, captured in a spell that dissociated her from what was in front of her. When her began to bob, returning to it's languid state, her eyes fell onto Inuyasha, and the cry that left her lips was loud and full of shock. It was as though it was her first time seeing Inuyasha in that state, despite her actions prior proving otherwise. Either way, she was lost to Kagome, who, no matter what words or touch she gave, was unable to garners Kikyo's attention again.
"What… what is going on?" Kagome whispered, confused by Kikyo's odd reaction. As if to add to confusion, Kagome was taken aback as she witnessed yet another odd reaction, this time from the blood that pooled around them. A strange heat emanated from the thick liquid, which began to bubble and boil, but as the temperature continued to rise, so did the blood. One by one, red droplets rose, like slow motion rain set in reverse.
"The blood… is floating? Does blood always float? I… I can't remember… Agh. My head." Kagome pressed her palm to her forehead, placing pressure on the space between her brows. A throbbing ache was pulsing behind her eyes, and the pain nearly obscured the sound of laughter. It called out to her, pulling her attention away from Inuyasha and Kikyo, and when she stood, she was alone.
Before her was the shrine and home that she had grown up knowing. Though fire continued around her, and the floor was stained scarlet, it was all the same. Kagome was home.
Looking up at the orange and grey sky, Kagome saw a pillar of black smoke, expanding outward like a phantom, and without seeing it, Kagome knew where the smoke originated from; the shed. How or why she knew this to be true she could not explain if it was asked of her. The fact simply popped into her mind, and she knew.
Kagome ran, past her home, past the well, and past the tree. The flames were there, growing with each second pass, but her grandfather did not respond to her shouts; he was not there. Kagome sighed a breath of relief, but as her anxiety plummeted, she suddenly recognized the sense of someone watching her. Not wanting to be caught off guard, Kagome turned on her heels, and was greeted with a vision of dejavu.
"I remember you," Kagome spoke confidently, hiding her quivering fear behind a facade, "you were here last time to. Right before I saw Amellis. But… I was meditating then. I wasn't... meditating… before… was I? How did I get here? I don't… agh." The pain in her head returned, and this time she placed both palms onto her eyes. The more she tried to gather from her memory, the more pain would increase. But why was she struggling so hard?
"The last thing… I remember…" she peeked up from her eyes, relieved that the shinigami, Ribaiasan, hadn't moved to attack her, "I was… talking to Inuyasha…"
Ribaiasan shifted, tilting his head to the side in amusement. He was as she remembered him; large and unruly. A terrifying presence to be around. His clawed hands still held onto chains, but they thankfully remained on the floor. What was different was his solitudinal presence, absent of any side demons that lingered beside him, and the lack of shadows that had previously hid any detail of his character. The latter was something she would have prefered to remain. She could see the polished wolf skull he used as a mask sitting on his face, revealing his hungry pale eyes and ivory teeth set against ashen skin covered with red and black markings. The markings, which struck a cord of familiarity, ran down his neck, across his chest, and from what Kagome could deduce, covered the full length of his body, extending to his arms and legs, and even touching his fingers and toes. Glowing blue prayer beads hung around his neck, each the size of a baseball, with smaller beaded bracelets and anklets wrapped around his wrists and ankles. Kagome tried not to focus on the swirling shadows within the beads, each resembling a screaming face, saying the phenomenon was caused by a trick of the light, nothing else. His white hair rested like a wild mane, unkempt and spikey, while the clothing that covered him carried the odd resemblance of dried human skin. Kagome's own skin goosed at the sight.
When she looked at Ribaiasan, Kagome had a harder time recalling memories, her fear the primary focus of her mind. But when Ribaiasan lifted his hand and rotated his wrist, Kagome understood the motion as a sign of her to continue. She complied more out of terror that he would attack her if she refused than anything else.
"I-uh-we got in fight. I… broke up with Inuyasha… and then I went to the spring. I was… so tired. Did… am I dreaming?"
Ribaiasan shrugged in response, but he grinned widely, leading Kagome to believe she was moderately correct. Perhaps there was something else occurring too, but she was primarily asleep. Dreaming. Existing in a nightmare, but the dread that swelled in her echoed with the warning that one wrong step, and she would be trapped here forever.
"Why am I here? How'd I get back?"
He lifted his bearish hand, and for a moment, Kagome's legs tensed, prepared to run. The chains jangled, but instead of launching them at her, as Kagome expected, her turned his claws to himself, and lightly tapped his chest.
"You? You brought me here?"
He nodded in response.
"Why?"
Silence continued to pass his lips, but he hunched over and began to drag his claw through the sand in front of him.
""Hey, don't just sit there. I'm asking you a question, the least you can do is answer me. Or can you not talk?"
For a moment, he stopped drawing in the sand, becoming entirely still, before he drew his eyes to her, brought a claw up to his mask's teeth, and shook his head. Why do I feel like he can speak and I've just been told to shut up? Hm? At last, Kagome looked at what he was drawing on the ground. No, not drawing; writing.
"What's that? Mu… Jo… Na? Mujona?"
Raibasan confirmed Kagome's reading with a nod.
"I don't understand. I've never heard of a Mujona. Ow!" Kagome yelped as she suddenly felt her right thigh burning, not from heat but from a fierce coldness. She reached into her pocket, but felt nothing. She swatted at her leg, but the icy fire remained. Kagome gasped, immediately turning to the death god in suspect, but he was gone. The sandy ground he had been drawing on was replaced by a rocky, moss covered floor, and the hot air that had surrounded her by flames suddenly became cold and humid. Spores covered trees that arched over her like a ceiling with faded pale light misting through the leaves. The wind blew, and there came a dull clang of a bell from behind her. The monotonous dong gave a cathedral echo, and the relic bell was covered in moss and years of abandonment that hid the bronze or gold the bell had original been.
Held up by a stone arc connected to the top of a cave, the bell seemed to haunt over the area and the cave's mouth was sealed off by an enclosing rope with shides* that had, despite the obvious years of neglect, managed to keep its post. Kagome had never seen this place before, and when she looked into the cave, she became petrified with the sense that something was staring back it her. Whatever it was, its malice hit her like a drumming beat, a vile heart within a cave of darkness that pulsed out its hatred like a poison.
"Priestess," The cave seemed to exhale, and Kagome stopped breathing.
"Priestess," it called out again, and this time Kagome struggled to swallow despite feeling as though a gallon of water had lodged itself into her throat. The area darkened, the shadows seeming to spread from the cave, and her heart smacked against her ribs. The danger she could not see was engulfing her; entering her; suffocating her from the inside!
"Priestess!"
Kagome choked sharply, waking to her lungs expunging the warm water that had been worming its way inside her. Water dripped from her brows and her waterlogged chest ached with the struggle to inhale. Disoriented, Kagome attempted to rise as her memories failed to remind her where she was, but was pulled back into sitting.
"Do not rise. You need to regain your bearings, or you're likely to fall over."
"What… where…" Kagome mumbled as she turned here and there, gathering her surroundings of the spring and remembering that she had fallen asleep. She looked to her unexpected companion, and her brows furrowed not from confusion but from tension. A heavy exhaustion was birthed in her bones and chewed on her nerves; the emotional remnants of the dream taking their toll.
"Sess-Sesshomaru? What are you doing here?" She asked, her throat sore and protesting.
"Several hours is long enough for a bath, priestess. You failed to return."
"Several hours?!"
"Yes." He spoke curtly, and Kagome easily understood that he was frustrated with her. That alone made her groan, for all the things she had been through and what she had done and seen this night left her unwilling to tolerate his negative attitudes. When her annoyance got the better of her, and she rolled her eyes, Sesshomaru stood up with fists clenched and a sneer on his face. He looked down at her, and his domineering stance made it obvious that he did so literally and figuratively. Kagome shook her head in frustration with a huff.
"Get up, priestess. You will follow me back to camp. Unless you'd like to me dress you as well." he spat.
Kagome looked down, the top of her body exposed, and immediately covered herself with her arms. Again? Seriously? That's the second time! That's so embarrassing! What the hell is wrong with me?! Kagome gritted her teeth, an angry growl nearly escaping her. The exhaustion she felt had her on edge. The self inflicted emotional pain that was still firmly placed at her chest had her recluse, and her distraught wakening had her on a short temper.
She looked to Sesshomaru, who had his back turned to her, providing her with some privacy, which she was grateful for, but he was not leaving. Was he literally going to wait for her? Cattle her home as if she couldn't find her way back on her own?
"You can leave, ya know. I'll head back when I'm ready."
"You almost drowned," he stated accusingly.
"Are you mad at me? I would have woken up in time. It's not like its a deep pool," she said dismissively as she pulled on her clothes.
"It was reckless."
"I'm a big girl, Sesshomaru. I can look after myself."
"You say this when I was the one who pulled you out of the water. If you were truly self reliant, you wouldn't have allowed yourself to fall asleep and would have returned in an appropriate amount of time."
"I had some stuff I had to work through, okay? I'm not a child. Stop treating me like one."
"If you act like a child, you shall be treated as such."
"Hey!" Kagome had had enough, and, fully clothed, she grabbed Sesshomaru's shoulder and forced him to look at her, jabbing her finger at him in indignation, "Now you listen here, buster. I've had a long day dealing with weird stuff I can barely explain, having my bath interrupted by a swarm of demons, dealing with things I'd have rather not dealt with, and not to mention your hot and cold moods with me. So excuse me if I want to make my second attempt at a bath to be a nice, drawn out one so I can try to get my head straight. What's your problem with me anyways? I don't understand why you're so pissed."
"What if something happened to you? What if that woman came while you were alone, in the middle of the night, to either kill or steal you away? What would you have done then, priestess, when you are unable to use your own powers?"
"That's not fair. We've dealt with a big threat before, remember? With Naraku? I never let the threat of him appearing stop me from living a somewhat normal life, I'm not gonna let that change now."
"This one is different!" Sesshomaru nearly shouted, taking both of them aback, with Kagome staring on in shock while Sesshomaru looked away, ashamed of himself. He shook his head as he mentally chastised himself for his irrepressible emotions and the inaction that he failed to correct prior. "I should have told before we left-
"No."
Sesshomaru shot Kagome a confused and annoyed glance in response.
"I don't want to hear," Kagome waved her hand, as she began to walk away from him and back to the camp.
"Priestess-
"I said no, Sesshomaru. I've already done enough today, I can't handle anymore. It can wait."
"It cannot," he grabbed Kagome's wrist, causing her to stop and turn around.
As she turned, she shouted, "I said no!", the only part of her actions she could confidently say she was in control of. The rest, however, shocked her as much as it shocked him. Her palm touched his cheek before she discerned what she had done. The smack echoed in the air like a tear, and her hand stung with betrayal. His bangs covered his eyes, but the straight line of his lips covered the snarl that lingered behind.
"Sesshomaru, I-
"Go."
"Sesshomaru, I'm sorry-
"Go, priestess!" A glint of red from his eyes peeked out from beneath his bangs, and with a short gasp, Kagome nodded. Whatever line she had crossed was too much, and had Sesshomaru been a lesser demon, he would have attacked her for what she had done. So with her head low, Kagome walked away, holding the hand that had struck him to her chest, as though she could hide the action she had committed from history. Every few steps, she would look back hoping to see him following, but he never was.
When she reached the camp, where her friends were sleeping by a dying fire, she looked back once more and saw Sesshomaru flying away to some place unknown. Kagome sighed, the weight of her guilt and shame crushing her evident in the way she pressed herself into the smallest form capable. She tucked herself into the curving base of the tree, the same one where Inuyasha slept up above, and rubbed her arms in an attempt to comfort herself. Non surprisingly, the attempt was a failure.
Looking above her, she noticed how Inuyasha slept with his robe covering his head- something he had never done before- and briefly wondered how he was doing. The thought immediately left her mind as she was unwilling to bare anymore guilt for the possible emotional pain he had endured because of her. She looked over to Sango then, where Miroku and their kids slept beneath a family sized sleeping bag, while she slept above it; an obvious sign she had been the last to go to bed, and had, unintentionally, fallen asleep. Had Sango stayed up for her? She hoped not.
Sleeping by Kirara's side, Shippo slept soundly with his limbs stretched out, and beside them was Jaken and Ah-Un sleeping next to Rin. Rin hadn't changed and was still unconscious. Kagome wondered when that would ever change.
Throughout the night, when her eyes would slide shut, Kagome's dreams would be nightmares filled with fire, boiled covered humans, or the cave. Each time she would wake startled, with barely a few minutes passed. While this prevented her from receiving any rest, it did allow her to care for Isas throughout the night, who seemed to be suffering from night terrors.
Other times she would look at their new weapons, and wondered why they were gifted to them or how they would use them. It wasn't difficult to imagine Miroku and Inuyasha using theirs as backup weapons when fighting in close quarters, and Shippo would most likely use his whenever capable, granted that he train with it first of course. But what about her and Sango? Kagome didn't know how to use a recurve bow. Would it really be so different from using her own bow? And Sango already had swords to go along with her hiraikotsu. Could they return to sender? And why did the Lord of the East send them gifts when they didn't know him and they weren't heading east anyway? They were heading west, into Sesshomaru's territory, and if she remembered correctly, they weren't far from his land's border now.
Outside of these short contemplations that served as brief distractions, she waited. And waited. And waited. Always looking to the sky for Sesshomaru's return, but he was never there.
~ • • ~
"You've returned," Hina gruffed as Kikyo's chest rose and collapsed with the breath of someone given a brief reprieve from a dream like torture. Of course, Hina knew that those delusions, hallucinations, or whatever they were, were anything but dreamlike. It was true what she had been told from one of the sadistic soldiers that had once held a particular eye on her; to the beholder, whatever the mind perceives as reality, is. The torturing of the mind is the same, if not better than the torturing of the flesh, for while the wounds on the flesh heal, the same cannot be said for the wounds of the mind. And the wounds of Hina's mind had never healed.
Kikyo's vacant eyes were alit with consciousness as she paned the area with a confused and unsure stare. The rhythm of her breathing picked up a quicker pace, and her wide eyes and curved up brows displayed her fear.
"Easy there now, girl. That was only your second go around. You can't tell me you've forgotten where you are so easily. Now calm down, and think."
"H-Hina?"
"Hiya-ack-ack-gah," Hina coughed dryly.
"What happened to me?"
"I told you before. You were trapped in your mind, forced to see what ever scenario she wanted you to see."
"It wasn't real…"
"Consider it a promise. No reason to get your hopes up."
"How long have I been gone?"
"Hmm…" Her humm sounded like bits of gravel falling against a heavy stone, "I'd say… no more than few hours this time."
"A few hours?"
"That's right. How long was it for you?"
Kikyo looked at the ceiling, the images she had seen shining through the darkness; All the blood, and the fire; The slow death of Inuyasha. "It… It felt like days. Over and Over. It just kept replaying. And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't escape. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't… stop him from dying… and each time, it was as though it were the first time. It didn't matter how many times…"
"It's okay to cry. I've done my fair share of it."
Kikyo rolled to her side, her back facing Hina, and she did cry, softly and silently. But her heart bled with the shattering force of an earthquake, shaking inside her like a mad animal that had been lit on fire.
"I don't envy you. I know that torment. Lived through it. It's what shattered me. If only I had… Nevermind. It doesn't matter."
The sound of Kikyo's deep inhale reverberated on the walls of their tiny cell, and then there was a hitch in her breath, the likes of which were often paired with a sudden insight.
"What? What is it?"
"In that place… I saw someone. Just once. Someone new."
"Is that all? Don't be foolish. It was just a part of her scheme. She'll change whatever she needs to in order to tear you apart."
No… Kikyo thought to herself, this was different. My incarnate… she wasn't there to torment me. She seemed oblivious to what was happening, and compared to what surrounded me, she was like a piece in an painting that didn't belong. A snowflake amongst the flames. But if that's true… how did she appear? She wanted to contemplate this further. Perhaps this was a clue she could use. But as she began to think of possible solutions, she felt the heat on her skin, as though she had been shoved into an oven, and the bright light of fire blinded her eyes. And then she was back, where Inuyasha bled, whispering out her name with his last breath.
~ • • ~
Happy Halloween everyone! I'll try to post sometime this week, but please forgive me if I don't. I'm really trying to finish up my main project now so i can get some betas to read it and send it off, and it kinda takes up most of my writing time.
Anyway, have a spooooofy night! Love y'all!
Bless!
