Chapter 29

She was falling harder and harder for him every day they spent together. He had dark hair that was clean-cut, amber eyes that warmed her, and a stoic look that kept her at bay. His rare smile opened her heart up to him. He was everything she thought she wanted; he wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty, he wasn't afraid to be overprotective, he made her feel again.

He was Mako. He was fresh and juicy, he had moxy, he had her heart in a matter of seconds. He had firebending moves she'd never seen, moves she wished she could learn. He had a suave fighting style, unlike her. She didn't know why he and his brother drew her in and gave her their friendship, but she was thankful. It got her mind off of her failed attempts at airbending. It got her mind off of that stupid guard whom she wanted to scream at for not speaking to her.

Korra had tried so desperately to communicate with him, but it was like a wall had encased him. He was unreachable, untouchable. He wasn't someone she wanted to deal with when there was probending and freedom outside of her window, but he was the one thing holding her back. He didn't smile anymore. Whenever she saw him at breakfast or dinner, he wasn't eating. His eyes had deep, dark rings around them. He was paler than usual.

Whenever she accidently caught his gaze, they would linger for a moment before he turned away and walked the other way. Yet every time she saw the golden gaze, she saw the betrayal and hurt deeply hidden behind a weak façade. It had grown to a point where she didn't know what to say to him, but she didn't want to ask. She wanted to focus on Mako and Bolin and their happiness they found in the mutual sport.

Though there was so much on her mind (Amon, this new bad guy, for example), Howl always lingered at the top of her list of things to worry about. He was so quiet. He'd said one word to her, one word, and it wasn't even friendly. It wasn't even loud enough to be classify as a word. He'd called her by her idiotic title, the thing she wished she could be stripped of for a day or so just to understand what being normal meant. Never before had she wanted that, but she wanted it now.

Mornings were evil, but she always looked forward to practices with the bending brothers. Sure, Bolin and Mako were incredibly scared by the thought that Bo had almost lost his bending, but they had to focus on the tournament ahead of them. Mako had gotten a job at the power plant and, although Bolin couldn't get one his age, Korra knew he was trying to help his older brother the best he could. Money was an issue for all three of them.

Practice this morning had been slow. Korra had been so focused on getting her mind off of Howl that Mako had made her do the brutal work. Sometimes he was a slave driver, but she knew how much winning the tournament would mean for him and Bo. She did everything with some sarcastic reluctance before giving into his words and begs. She knew better than to piss him off to where he broke, but it was fun seeing him all riled up.

She'd returned to Airbender Island just before breakfast had been served and took her normal spot beside Tenzin and the bending babies. Her stomach growled hungrily and Tenzin went on about some idiotic request by someone on the council. She was half listening as she dug into the rice balls, waiting for the pang of hunger to disappear. Her eyes wandered around as she searched the group of White Lotus sentries on the other side of the room. She knew Sitch was in the middle, cracking jokes, but nowhere could she see Howl's golden eyes.

She needed to tell him how she felt, but this time she didn't want to do it in a letter. Korra had to talk to him face to face if she wanted to get the point across. Suddenly, Sitch's black eyes met hers and they narrowed. His joke abruptly ended and he glared at her until she became so uncomfortable that she truly turned to Tenzin and tuned into his story. But it faded when she snuck another gaze at the White Lotus table to see Sitch storming away.

With a bit of hesitation, Korra excused herself from the table. Tenzin seemed to glare at her for interrupting before his features softened. She gave him no time to ask questions, following after Sitch. Her fists clenched and she saw him leaning against the door frame, as if he had expected her to come. "What the hell was that about?" Korra snapped. She needed to be outside just in case her firebending took over.

Sitch hardly saw the need to answer. "You talk to Howl lately?" He said with a snarky tone in his voice. Korra stepped back. Sitch had always been the mediator of their relationship but now she saw which side he was taking. She placed her hands on her hips and pouted.

"He won't talk to me." She growled back. Sitch's eyebrow rose in legitimate shock before he shook his head. "Come on, Sitch. Spill what you know."

"It'd be best if you confronted him about it. After all, you two love each other." His words were the sharpest icicles, the sourest venom. Korra didn't know how to answer and was relieved when he stormed away first, heading straight for the barracks. She knew she should follow, that she should just talk to Howl now and quit acting like a coward by avoiding him.

Still, this was their relationship she had to talk about. She was falling for Mako instead of him all over again and she hadn't met to. She had loved him, but his time had passed. He had to understand. Right? Of course, he may hurt, but it would end up better for the both of them.

She huffed in annoyance and decided to put it lower on her list. She had to deal with Amon and Mako and Tenzin. She honestly didn't want to tell Howl that they were over with because she knew how much it would hurt the both of them. He'd been her first love, first kiss, and first lover. She would always love him, but not in the same way.

Korra sighed and started for the Tenzin's home and her room. For a while, she just wanted to relax. Everything was beginning to pile on her shoulders and she didn't know how to fix it. She wondered if Aang ever felt the same way. It was times like these when she really wished Katara were here. Katara, her master, her friend, who was the last of Team Avatar. She sighed and opened her door, popping each bone in her neck with a single roll.

"That's not good for your neck." Were the first words out of his mouth and he instantly regretted it. He'd had everything planned out, every word, every reaction. But seeing her made him lose all train of thought and blurt the quickest thing that came to mind. He saw the shock overcome her expression and he chewed the inside of his lip.

His clothes were…normal, he guessed. It was just that she'd never seen him like that before. He'd worn civilian gear in the South Pole, but it was so close to his uniform that it wasn't even funny. He'd changed now for the better, he thought. His gloves had been replaced with lanky fingers, a normal deep red long-sleeved collared shirt with dark brown trousers. The only thing left of the old uniform was his helmet, which sat in his lap. He didn't really feel comfortable sitting on her bed with her staring down at her, but he was too weak to stand up and too tired to care.

Finally, Korra moved. "What do you want?" She questioned, genuine confusion lacing her words. Howl intertwined his fingers and hugged the helmet closer to his body. "What? Now that you've mustered up the courage to come and talk to me, you're going to go off and ignore me again?" Her voice was like ice and it chilled his body. He found a newfound interest in her boots; sealskin, like everything back home. Home. The South Pole was not his home.

He stood on shaky legs and tucked the helmet under his arm. "I didn't come to fight, Korra."

"Oh, so now I have a name."

He winced as the memory of calling her by her title rung in his ears. What a stupid mistake. What a pointless word. He continued to stare at the floor, his heart beat irregular with the passing minutes. Maybe… maybe there was still a way to fix this…. Maybe there was a way to heal their relationship. "I'm sorry." He muttered.

"No, you're not. If you were sorry, you would have looked me in the eyes the day you said it and apologized then. I'm glad to know that I'm more than a title to you!" Her voice was rising higher and higher with her anger. "I'm perfectly happy to know that you still care about me!"

"What was I supposed to say?" He questioned, biting back the betrayal and hurt that he'd so often felt from the minute she'd left. "'It's great to see you Korra. Thanks for leaving me behind.'" He knew how harsh it sounded, but she was being just as unforgiving as he was.

She let out a shrill cry in annoyance. "What?"Her words were like ice; cold, sharp, and to the point. His head rose and their gazes clashed in fury. "Say it again." She hissed.

"You. Just. Left." He snapped, the pain his heart was feeling breaking past the barriers he'd so carefully built up. "You left me alone in your bed after we had sex, Korra!" The most sacred thing in the entire world between two people who loved each other. "And the only goodbye I got was a note! A fucking note, Korra!" His fists curled and he realized that he was just going to let all the hurt out, let it be done with. There was no saving their relationship. She'd done what she wanted in the first place.

Korra was struggling for words—her hanging mouth made that pretty clear—so Howl continued with his rant. "We did everything together! We made a blood pact! We promised to leave together! And so you took it as a hint to run off alone without the man who loved you beyond belief! Why didn't you bring me along? Got some new boy hanging on your arm?"

"Take it back." She snarled, and the painful truth stung him in the chest. Howl stepped away from her, his grip slipping on the helmet. It fell to the ground with an agonizingly familiar clank. His jaw was clenched so tightly that he thought his head was going to explode, but he wouldn't take it back. His fists were so tightly balled that he thought the skin would break from tension, but he wouldn't hit her. "Take it back!" Her voice was an octave higher than before. "That was you two weeks ago!"

"Before you left me!" His neck snapped up, his eyes wild with rage and true pain. "Before you kissed my ass goodbye and ran away without telling anyone!"

"I couldn't Howl! How could I put my emotions into words? 'Dear Howl, I'm tired and I need to go. We're done. I need to be free. Don't follow me, don't dream about me, because I'm going to Republic City to start over.'" Her words were slathered in venomous anger, her throat dry from all the yelling.

Then she made the mistake of meeting his gaze and seeing the hurt and agony and heartbreak fill his eyes. There were no tears from him, but she knew they would come to the both of them. Her stomach twisted with the knowledge that she'd taken it too far when he didn't speak up again. She tried to step forward and heal him, heal them, but he turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

She fell to her knees and buried her face into her hands. The tears would come, but they were frozen in time. She'd just let him go and yet, there was no sadness. There was no relief. There were no emotions. Then, slowly, she felt the grief wrecking her body with dry heaves. Still no tears. Just pain and horror over herself. She wrecked everything in her entire life.

It was only after a good few hours that she gave up waiting for the tears. Korra had managed to pull herself against the bed and stare at the ceiling. She should still be crying, but her eyes were as dry as the desert.

It was only after a few hours that she realized how quiet it was in the entire house. Usually Meelo or Ikki were running around screaming like wild buffalo-boars, but today it was nearly silent. As if Tenzin had made them shut up, but she knew that wasn't the case. Her hands were subconsciously wrapped tight around her waist and she desperately wished Naga were there to comfort her.

She decided it would be better to walk to her pet and greet her than the other way. It would be good to walk around and she could find the kids and they would put a smile on her face. She wouldn't be so hurt by Howl's words or the words that she'd screamed right back at him. She hadn't realized that her hands were around his helmet until she struggled to stand, her own legs shaky, her fingers gripping the helmet like a lifeline.

She made her way downstairs and opened the door. The day was still young and she could visit the bending brothers if she needed to. She walked over to Naga and was surprised to see the polar-bear dog unsaddled, even from this morning's attempts to take her to the arena. Korra had been so hungry that she'd forgotten to unsaddle her, that much she remembered.

Instead of questioning it, she walked over to the animal and patted her best friend's head. Before she could say anything, Naga looked up. A red ribbon was loosely tied around the dog's neck and a note stuck out from the back of it. When she untied it, she caught the familiar smoky scent of him and unrolled it.

Keep the helmet. I won't need it where I'm going.

I still love you.

-Howl

Finally the tears came.