Sorry again about the wait. School is dominating me right now. More Updates soon. Thank you again for comments and reviews.
xo
xylia

Nicest thing
- kate nash -

I sat on my bed for I don't know how long, reading all the letters over and over again, hoping that if I read them over and over I could take it back, I could go back and fix everything.

I read the words and felt the daggers cutting my insides apart. My body was screaming at me to cry but I couldn't no matter how much it hurt, because the only other feeling that was overcoming me was anger. Unbelievable anger.

This hurts, please Jake.

Please, I'm begging you, please come see me. I just need a friend.

Why won't you answer me. How could you do this to me, after everything?

I'm sorry, I miss you, please just. I need you, I'm so sorry for everything.

And the most recent one. stained with tear drops. It was almost unreadable.

I will stop writing you, I can see now you don't want to talk to me anymore, I will never know how or why you made these decisions, I'll just trust you… I won't bother you with Matthew's condition. I am sorry for everything, please take this as my goodbye.

Allison

My hands were shaking. White fury, white anger, I could explode. I wanted to phase and tear apart this entire house.

I smelt Billy before I heard the car pull up and then leave. I tried to calm myself, knowing I didn't want to do anything stupid, but no words could make me still.

Billy wheeled inside. The screen door slamming behind him.

"Hello?" he called out.

He wheeled into the room I was in and looked at me.

"Oh, hey Jake… shouldn't you be at school?"

Don't break anything. Stop shaking. Keep still, keep still.

"Jake?" he asked. He then looked down and saw the letters. All the envelopes shredded open, all of them lying everywhere. His eyes moved to my hands and I knew they were shaking. I was shaking.

"Jake…" he said, and he looked up at me.

How dare he look at me? How does he have the right to look me in the eyes?

"How could you," I whispered. I couldn't yell, I knew if I yelled the anger would swallow me hole, I would hurt someone. But the whisper still made him flinch.

"I did it for your own good," he said, firmly. Like he actually truly believe in what he'd done, in what he'd caused. How fucked up was that?

"For my own good!" and I was shouting. I thought the walls would break, "That's a fucking joke! This is none of your business!" my hand was steadying on a chair and before I knew it, it broke. Shattered by my fists of steel.

"Jacob, calm down. You know why I did this, why I had the right to. I was trying to protect you, you don't know her at all."

"And what! You do? You don't know the first thing about her!"

Billy's eyes began to cloud, his anger also rising, "Jacob – "

But I cut him off.

"No, you don't get to speak. Not to me, ever again. I'm out of here and I'm never coming back. I'm going to go find her. I don't ever want have anything to do with you again," I screamed. I knew I didn't mean half the words I was saying. It wasn't me talking, it wasn't. the fury was, the white fury that was shaking me from head to toe, I wanted to calm down, I wanted to talk rationally but it wouldn't let me.

Billy's eyes changed, and sadness and fear and every other emotion that a father can feel when his son tells him that he never wants to see him again.

"You had no right. I am not a child, you don't decide things for me."

"You don't even know her!"

Anger. White. Anger.

I didn't know where to start. What could I possibly say? I didn't even know her? The girl saved my life, she fucking saved my life. I loved her. I knew everything about her, I knew she'd been exactly like me, broken like me. I knew the pain, I'd lived the pain she'd spoken to me about. And the fact that it had come back for round two, hit her harder than ever before and I hadn't been there for her? When I could've been? It was unforgivable.

"You've never even met her!" Billy roared.

I stopped and looked at him. The anger vanished, disappeared, tranquil – instead there was confusion. What was he saying?

"What?"

"You've never even met her, Jake. Whatever she says in those letters doesn't change a thing. She wasn't here for you then, I won't give her the chance to be here for you now. I don't care if you're not a child anymore, I will always do what I feel I have to in order to protect you. You're all I got, Jake. You're all I got."

Nothing was adding up. Allison was…

Who did he think these letters were from?

"Who do you think was writing to me?" I asked. His mouth opened immediately to answer but he stopped when he realized what I was asking. He looked over at the pile, like the answer would be in big, block letters. He stopped, and he realized. His mistake.

"Who do you think was writing to me!"

He wheeled over and picked one up off the floor and as he read the lines, his eyes grew more and more fearful. He looked up at me.

"Allison," and sorrow was his voice.

"Yes. Allison. Who did you think it was?" I asked, the anger rising.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I didn't know I – I – "

"Answer the damn question."

"She moved there. She lives there. I didn't know Allison went there too. The odds… Jake, I'm so sorry."

I took a deep breath, ready to break the next chair.

"Your mother, Jake. I thought it was your mother."

I must not have heard him right. He couldn't have said what i thought he had. My mother had died. A long time ago, she was dead. Gone. Why was he doing this to me? Why.

"But she's dead…"

"No, Jake."

I fell back on the chair, somehow not breaking it. I didn't understand, I didn't understand what was going on. She'd left one day. One day when I was just a kid... grocery shopping…she'd never come back. She'd walked out and never returned. Billy said there'd been an accident. That she was gone. It couldn't be.

"She's alive?" I whispered, looking up.

"Yes, Jake," he said, taking a deep breath, "There was no accident, I didn't know how to explain to a four year old that his mother left. And I know it was wrong, but what could I have done? What could I have said? And then my accident…"

I remembered. I remembered his accident soon after. He'd been at a bar and a car hadn't seen him crossing the road… he used to be at the bars a lot. I always had a babysitter. I never knew where he went, I'd found out later that he'd had a drinking problem after she left… but after the accident he never drank again, realizing what it would do to me to lose both parents.

"Where did she go?"

"She went to California. She left me, she left us for someone else. And I couldn't tell you that then, and I didn't want to tell you now, because she's dead to me, even if she's still out there, she's dead, I have to pretend, Jake. I can't think of her still being our there, alive and smiling… not when I 'm here. And I wanted you to think the same, I'd rather you have no mother at all than one that walked out on you when you were four, walked out on us…"

I was still shaking my head. This was too much. Allison, my mom. I needed Bella, I needed Bella.

"Who was it?"

Billy's voice grew scathing, "Not a who. An it. She left us for one of them."

"For what?"

"A vampire. She ran away with a vampire."

I was frozen. A vampire.

"But you guys were in love weren't you?"

"Yes we were. But love is no match where they're involved. They can take everything from you, they don't care about anything. She fell for this "man", even though we all had our suspicions about him. The way he moved, talked, looked. She fell for him all the same, and they left."

"To sunny California…it makes no sense?"

"Oh yes… after he'd lived here for long enough he realized how much he couldn't stand humans. He was a monster, he didn't have friends, he didn't talk to anyone. It makes sense he'd want to go somewhere where only she could see him, inside. He's not one to intertwine with the human race. He only came out to go to the library. Your mother…" his eyes looked down, they came back up and tears were in them, "…she worked there. She wasn't afraid. She talked to him, I remember her telling me. He'd been so startled, he didn't understand why he didn't repulse her too… but she was different. She didn't scare easily and she had, she had a beautiful heart.

"Slowly, she fell for him. I denied it but I knew it was true, I had no control. And they left. I couldn't have done anything, there is nothing that breaks that bond. When he realized he loved her, she had no decision either but to love him too. And that's why it hurt so much, because I knew she didn't want to leave, that she still loved me, that she loved you, but it was nothing to how much she loved him, and it killed her, I watched it kill her. So eventually she realized she couldn't stay, she was too ashamed and she left."

I didn't know what to feel. All I wanted was Bella's cold arms around me. I didn't want anything else but her telling me it was okay. But insecurities were flowing through me, ripping through me.

"I have to go," I said getting up.

"Jake, please don't…"

"I'll be back," I promised, realizing he thought I was leaving for good. I walked out the door, into the rain.

My mom and a vampire. Fell in love and broke my father's heart.

Was it the same fate for me?

Was I no match for the bond that Bella and Edward shared?

Could she just leave me too?