AN: Thank you for all of the positive reviews. Your kind words mean so much to me.

Chapter 29

It was late in the afternoon and Elizabeth's headache had finally subsided to the point that she showered and headed to the kitchen. Checking the microwave, she saw that Beth made her eggs and toast, but since point of safe consumption had long since passed, she scraped her breakfast off into the trash and pulled a couple waffles out of the freezer.

She was eating her waffles and drinking a cup of coffee, praying her stomach wouldn't rebel, when the phone rang. She moved to get it. "Hello?"

"Hi," Henry answered. Hearing his voice, her breath seemed to be sucked from her body. When she didn't answer, he continued on, not sure what he was supposed to do. "I'm sorry I walked out the other night. I got your letter, and I want to talk."

"Okay," she whispered. She sat down on the edge of the recliner. On the other end, he pulled the phone off the table and sat down with it in his lap.

"Elizabeth, I don't fit in my life anymore. It's like everyone and everything moved on without me. You and Beth have grown and changed, but you've done it together. I'm like the third wheel."

"I get it and we haven't done a very good job of trying to include you, but you do recognize that you've changed too, right? You are not the same person as you were before Iraq. We need to try to meet where we're at now, not where we were before you left." She twisted the phone cord around her fingers.

"Yeah," he sighed. It wasn't something that he wanted to admit, but this trip to Pittsburgh had made him realize that he had indeed changed. "Would it be alright if I came home tomorrow? I haven't really got to talk to my dad yet."

"I'd like that. Listen, I just want to let you know that Beth didn't take this whole thing well and there will be fallout from that. I don't know how it will be with her when you come home."

Henry sighed. In his haste, he hadn't given a lot of thought to how Beth would take things. "I don't suppose there is any chance you would talk to her?"

"I will tell her that you are coming back. You of all people know how vulnerable Beth would be to someone up and leaving her. So, no, I won't be doing anything more than I've already done, which is try to say as little as possible. That one is on you to fix." There was a part of Elizabeth that thought she might be being petty, but the bigger part of her wanted Henry to own his mistake. She was still very much hurt and didn't really want to bail his ass out.

"Alright. Would you at least tell her that I'm sorry?" Henry hadn't expected the response he got from Elizabeth and he wasn't sure what to make of it, but he knew better than to take issue with it.

"I will do that. I'm going to work tomorrow, so I won't be off until 6 or so. Beth only has a half day of school tomorrow, so she will be home around noon. You might be able make some headway by taking her out to lunch."

"Thanks. I want you to know I'm sorry that I let it get to the point that I walked out. I should've said something earlier. I should've been trying harder." There was silence on the other end of the line. "Elizabeth?"

"Henry." He heard her take a deep breath on the other end. "I love you so much, but you need to understand that my biggest fear was realized when you walked out. You may not have meant it like that, but that's exactly how I took it. I think Beth feels much the same way. This is bigger than an apology. I mean, I'm glad that you are sorry, but I don't think you realize the damage you did. It's going to take time to forgive and even longer to forget. I desperately want you back, but before you return you need to know where you stand, and the real work that it's going to take to fix this."

Henry let out a slow breath. Hearing Elizabeth's words tore his heart into pieces. In the heat of the moment, he couldn't see past his own hurt feelings, but now, looking at it from Elizabeth's, and Beth's, point of view, he understood what she was saying. "I didn't mean to hurt you like that. Or Beth."

"I know. But you did. It wasn't without provocation, but the outcome is the same." She paused a few moments. "Are you still coming home?"

"I'll be home tomorrow before Beth gets home from school. I'll see you tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, before 7."

"I'll make dinner and we can talk," Henry offered.

"Okay. And maybe take a walk?" Elizabeth added.

"I think that's a good idea. I love you."

"Is love enough?" she whispered.

"It is if we love like tomorrow will never come. I will make this up to you and we will get through this."

"See you tomorrow night," she murmured and hung up the phone.

Henry put the receiver into the cradle and set the phone on the end table. He buried his head in his hands and for at least the hundredth time that day wondered why he thought it was a good idea to leave. Henry looked up at the clock. Patrick would be home soon. Since Henry didn't get dinner cooked last night, he thought he might make the effort now. By the time Patrick walked in the door, Henry had made spaghetti and was just pulling the meatballs out of the oven. Patrick surveyed the young man. "You're looking a little better today."

"Yeah, sorry about yesterday," Henry said, keeping his back turned away from his father.

"You did look pretty sorry, I'd say. You ready to talk about it?" he asked.

Henry handed him a plate and stepped out of the kitchen and called Shane down. He thanked Henry and ate quickly. "I hope you don't mind if I take out early. I'm taking Amy to the movies."

"I'm heading out pretty early tomorrow, so I may not see you." Henry stood and gave Shane a hug.

"Hope it all works out," Shane said softly. Henry nodded solemnly. "See ya."

"Bye Shane." Henry sat back down at the table and he and his father ate in silence.

Finally, Patrick put his fork down. "So what brings you here, randomly in the middle of the week, by yourself and leads you to drink yourself into oblivion?"

"Dad," Henry sighed.

"Don't Dad me," Patrick said. "What happened?"

"I got pissed, okay?" Patrick just looked at him as if to say SO and it exasperated Henry. "You don't understand. I was gone and life went on without me and now I'm back and I don't fit anywhere. I thought that I could think things through here, but I don't fit here either. I feel out of place everywhere."

"And you're the only person ever to feel left out?" Patrick said. Henry felt the patronizing edge to his father's words.

"No, but I'm not living other people's lives. I'm living mine," he argued.

"Hey, defensive guy, don't cop some big attitude. I was going to say that you're sitting in the middle of DC. Surely there are veterans' organizations that have people who can help. Hell, our union local has a guy on staff to help vets adjust back to civilian life. They are all over the place. Sure didn't have that for the guys in Vietnam. They just had to come back and make do. Some made the adjustment and some didn't. Sad stuff that is."

"I shouldn't have walked out." Henry sighed.

"No, you shouldn't have. Beth is pissed." Patrick commented.

"How do you know that?" Henry asked.

"She called me late last night to talk. Of all the things you could've done Henry, you picked walking out on them and you didn't even tell Beth goodbye?"

"Don't start. I know. It was bad. It is bad. Elizabeth wants me to come home." Henry stared at his hands folded in his lap unable to look his father in the eye.

"Of course she does. She loves you."

"I don't know how to fix this Dad." Henry looked up, tears in his eyes. "I don't know what I'll do if I lose them."

"I don't really know son. This isn't a flowers and chocolate kind of mess up. I'd say at the very least there will be lots of begging and groveling. Then over attentive Henry comes to live with them, maybe forever, and you never make another dumbass mistake like that again. Maybe that will work, maybe not. I don't know. I'd offer you a beer and we could sit on the porch, but I noticed, we don't have any and I'm really doubting that you're up for a beer right now anyway."

"No, not really. I think I'm going to go to bed and think for a while. I need to get up early anyway and I didn't get much actual rest last night. I'll see you in the morning." Henry took his dishes and put them in the dishwasher and headed upstairs.

The next morning he was up at daybreak and said goodbye to his dad as Patrick left for work. Henry ran to the store to replace all of the alcohol he'd consumed on his binge. Once that was taken care of, he loaded up the car, putting both letters in the glove box and headed back to DC, to Elizabeth and Beth.

Henry sat outside and waited for Beth to come out of school. Eventually she came walking out with her friends. He remembered Amelia, but couldn't remember the name of the other girl. Sandra, maybe? He wasn't sure. It was another reminder of how he hadn't been around.

He stepped out of the car and leaned against the door frame. "Hey Beth," he called out. Beth looked up and met his eyes and they darkened. The scowl that crossed her face was Maureen made over and Beth might have even ramped it up a notch.

She stopped and faced him. "Elizabeth said you were coming back to grace us with your presence."

Her words hurt, but he said nothing. She wasn't the wide-eyed nine year old Beth that lived on the farm anymore. She wasn't going to easily forgive and he knew words were her weapon. She had a direct link to Maureen. He wasn't going to engage that, at least not yet. "I came to see if I could take you to lunch."

"I have plans," she said and turned to walk off, but Amelia and the other girl each took an elbow and ushered her to the car.

"She'd be happy to have lunch with you Mr. McCord. Sarah and I have to go home anyway," Amelia had said.

Her name is Sarah. Henry needed to remember that.

"Bitches," Beth muttered under her breath.

Sarah leaned in to Beth. "Bitches who have your back. Now go eat lunch and work on fixing your shit." Beth gave her a shove and Sarah grinned at her. Beth opened the car door and flopped down in the passenger seat.

Henry got in and looked at her. "You're lucky to have good friends."

"Yeah, they really help out when you come home one night and half of your family has ditched you and the other half falls apart." She pressed her head to the window.

"Beth, listen, I made a terrible decision. I just needed to get away for a bit and figure things out. I'm sorry. I should've handled it differently. I'm sorry that I hurt you. That was never my intention."

"And Elizabeth? It wasn't your intention to hurt her?" Beth spat.

Henry looked at her, his mouth hanging open. He was going to argue that it wasn't, but he went back to the night he left. He saw the pain in Elizabeth's eyes, and heard her begging him to stay. He remembered the smug satisfaction he felt when he slammed the door thinking she finally hurt the way he was hurting. He let out a ragged breath, his eyes closed the tears fighting for release against the back of his eyelids. When he thought he had regained some control of his emotions, he started the car and pulled away from the curb.

Their lunch conversation was stilted and awkward. He watched Beth eat and how she kept her gaze anywhere but on him. "I wish I could go back a few days ago and do things differently." Her eyes shifted to him and then quickly away. She said nothing. Henry finally got up the nerve to ask the question that had been tumbling around in his head. "People get mad and walk out to cool off all of the time. Why did you immediately think I had left for good?"

Beth moved her head just the slightest, and she her eyes moved to focus on him. Henry felt a little squeamish having her eye him in that manner. God, she was Maureen's kid. "Henry McCord doesn't do things on a whim. He thinks through all of his actions. If you walked out, it was because you'd thought about it-you'd been thinking about it for a while. You made the conscious decision to leave your wife, to leave me. You knew it would destroy her. Destroying her would destroy me." Confusion flooded Henry's face and Beth was more than irritated that he was being so dense. "In case you've forgotten, I'm a foster kid. You two are my parents. You leave, she falls apart. I guarantee if my case worker had shown up anytime in the past few days, she would've questioned the stability of my home life. I get pulled out to live God only knows where. For what? Why Henry?"

"I would never let that happen," he said. "I promise."

"Those words mean less than they used to," she said. The silence hung heavy in the air. "You didn't answer my question." He looked at her. "Why?" she prompted.

"I was angry and hurt that you and Elizabeth are this team and I just seemed to be in the way. I wasn't part of the family anymore. At every turn, I seemed to be pushed farther away, and finally I figured that if I wasn't wanted, I should just leave. Maybe you'd figure out that you did want me around, or I guess maybe that you didn't. I don't know." Henry was very uncomfortable. This didn't seem like something he should be talking about with Beth, but then again, she was in the middle of it and had asked.

Beth shocked Henry with the boisterous laugh. It was almost maniacal. "What?" Henry was bordering on being infuriated at her response.

"You've got to be kidding! I got yelled at because the cereal bowls weren't in the right spot. They were three inches to the left of the where you thought they should be. I've been chastised because the towels aren't folded right or because I don't sort the mail correctly. It was to the point where Elizabeth and I were both walking on eggshells trying not to piss you off. Yeah, I kept my distance because I got tired of being the object of your anger. It was easier when you just weren't around rather than being around and hating us. I keep wondering what happened over there that made you so damned controlling about shit that doesn't matter, so much so that you didn't even see that you were destroying the stuff that does matter." She gathered up her food wrappers and tossed them on the tray. "I'll be in the car." She slid out of the booth, taking the keys with her.

Henry sat stunned. He didn't see any of the things that Beth was talking about. He did know that he often felt on edge and was perhaps more easily annoyed. He'd yelled more while driving in the past three months than he probably had his entire life. He didn't think that it had transferred to his home though. Had he really been like that? It hurt him to think he had. Finally standing, Henry dumped their tray and headed to the car.

Sitting behind the wheel, Henry looked over at Beth. She had her body turned away from him. "Beth, why didn't you tell me?"

Her eyes went wide. "Because after I'd just been chewed out for not realizing my sock didn't make it in the hamper and landed in front of it, I have no idea why I didn't think to call you on your behavior. You were so rational. I'm not sure why I wouldn't want to sit down and tell you that you were acting like a fu-" she stopped herself. "Like you were crazy." Turning back toward the window, she spoke, her voice cracking, "Elizabeth said we needed to give you time. I didn't know all of the stuff you'd been through, the things you'd seen. She said it would be hard to adjust. Life here at home isn't the same. We needed to try not to take it personally." Henry could tell that Beth's emotions had switched from hurt to anger and he steeled himself to ride the wave. He deserved her wrath and he knew it. "Elizabeth stood up for you. Every time you cut her down over something so completely ridiculous and stupid, she never said one negative word about you. She took it in stride even though I know how badly you hurt her sometimes. Then she lets one comment slip and she fell all over herself apologizing and you walk out, because your feelings are hurt. Really? I'm done. I can't even be around you right now." Beth bailed out of the car and disappeared into the restaurant.

Henry wanted to follow her, but he knew better. He watched the exits to make sure she didn't leave figuring that she'd calm down in a bit and come back out to the car. About fifteen minutes later, he was surprised to see her walk out and climb into a car. He started to get out and stop her, but realized it was Heather Martin. Amelia was in the back and immediately pulled Beth into a hug. He didn't think Heather saw him, but then he wasn't sure if he wanted her to or not. He didn't know what she knew and suddenly he was ashamed.

He went home and called Elizabeth at work. She said that Beth had called her and asked permission and that she was spending the night at the Martins. Henry was about to argue that Beth didn't need to spend the night, that she had a home, but Elizabeth followed it with, "There are things that we probably need to discuss that Beth doesn't need to be around for."

"Alright," Henry acquiesced. He hung up and went to lay down in their bed. He pulled her pillow to his face and inhaled her scent. How could he have been so oblivious to everything that was going on? How could he be so self centered? What if Beth never forgave him? He felt the all too familiar feeling of annoyance rise up in him. The difference was that this time, he called it what it was. It was anger. It wasn't just an irritation. It wasn't someone else's fault. It was a problem, and it was his problem. He looked at his watch-it read 2pm. He rolled off the bed and headed out the door.

As the clock drew nearer to 6, the knot in Elizabeth's stomach grew. She'd taken an unprecedented break 20 minutes after returning from lunch to talk to Beth. Hearing the story, she knew that she and Henry were going to get it all out in the open. Elizabeth wasn't sure she was ready for that, but perhaps she should thank Beth, If Beth hadn't ripped off the band-aid, Elizabeth knew she would probably tiptoe around the gaping wound, just like she'd be doing for three months. Henry had called only a few minutes after Beth and seemed like he was ready for a fight, but he backed down quickly when Elizabeth pointed out that Beth's absence was probably for the best. She'd dreaded going home all afternoon, but now as the time inched closer, she became ansty, just wanting to get it over with. She held out as long as she could, but finally cleaned off her desk at 5:30. Juliet and Isabelle both gave her looks. "Bess?" Juliet asked.

"Henry came home today. I'm going home and try to put my marriage back together." Both women stood and each took a hand.

"We'll be here if you need us," Juliet said.

"Do you want me to take Beth out to dinner? She and I, we have a thing," Isabelle said.

"Thanks, but she's spending the night with a friend." Elizabeth was starting to get teary-eyed. She smiled. "Thank you. Really. I don't do sharing very well, but it's nice to know you have my back." She gave each a hug.

"Always," Isabelle replied, but I can't get you drunk anymore. I promised Beth, so we'll just have to settle for eating ice cream or something." Elizabeth nodded, although she didn't really hoped her beloved ice cream wouldn't become a coping mechanism.

Elizabeth walked into the apartment around 6:15, much earlier than Henry had planned. He was going to order her favorite Chinese take out, but hadn't yet, thinking she would be closer to 7. He jumped up off the couch as she entered. "Hi," he said. He really wanted to take her into his arms and hold her, but wasn't sure if he should or if she would be accepting of that.

She appraised him from the doorway. He looked uncomfortable, the opposite of the confident Henry that she off to war. She knew what had happened, at least before she got pulled off the Middle East desk. She knew what he'd seen, what he'd been a part of. Elizabeth knew that it would affect someone as compassionate as Henry. She hadn't been prepared for how it would manifest itself. The sharp retorts, the belittling comments, the undercurrent of anger that seemed to be everpresent.

Elizabeth had never said anything. She hoped time would make it better, and it had to a certain degree, but she didn't think about how the reaction she and Beth had, would affect Henry. Now they were in this vicious cycle of avoidance and exclusion. That needed to stop, but she would have to address the problem, and that was a problem.

"Hi," she said, stepping inside and closing the door. She hung up her purse and put her lunch bag on the counter to be dealt with later. She fought the urge to fall into his arms and cling to him, thankful he'd returned. She feared that if she did, he would think that everything was somehow fine and that was definitely not the message she wanted to give. There were things that needed to be fixed and she needed to send that message. She reached out and took his hand. "I missed you. I'm glad you came home."

"I love you so much. I missed you too." They stared at each other and shifted uncomfortably, unsure what to say. "Umm, I was getting ready to order Chinese. Is there something special you would like?"

"Oh, uh, could we have something else? I spent hours throwing up Chinese the other night. I think my stomach would rebel at the smell. How about the café on the corner? They have good salads."

"Sure. Order to go or eat there? Did you have get hold of bad noodles?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

"To go, but we can walk together to pick it up. More like copious amounts of wine with some tequila shots on top."

Henry scrunched up his face. "Ew. I bet you didn't feel very good the next morning.". She shook her head. "Not that it will make you feel better, but I was more than hungover myself yesterday. In fact, I had to go replenish Dad's stash before I left this morning."

"Looks like we both had a case of poor judgement. Let's go ahead and order our food."

Half an hour passed. Elizabeth changed out of her suit and into shorts and a tee-shirt and they took out walking to the little café a few blocks away. They didn't speak, mostly because the things they needed to talk about weren't things that one hashed out on a city sidewalk. Still, Elizabeth wanted Henry to know she was in this for the long haul. She slipped her hand into his and squeezed it.

Henry looked into Elizabeth's eyes and saw love and worry, but not anger. He thought that was a good sign. She should be angry and he knew she had been, but she was putting it aside, at least for now. Although he knew her well enough to know that she would probably let it go. She was a better person than he was.

They collected their food and walked back hand in hand. There were still no words and the silence that surrounded them now was anxious. The time was nearing when they would have to have a serious talk. No one knew exactly what the outcome would be. Henry's time with Beth had been enlightening, but not in a good way. For the first time, Henry understood how his actions affected his wife and daughter. It pained him greatly, but all he could do was apologize and make amends. That was exactly what he planned to do.

As they sat down, Henry decided to start. "I don't know how much Beth told you about our talk today."

"When she called, she was really upset. She just said that she needed a break and wanted to know if she could call to see if she could stay with Amelia. I only know generalities of what the two of you talked about." Elizabeth said.

"She told me about how I've been acting and how I've hurt her and I've hurt you." Henry watched Elizabeth's reaction. Her eyes became a dull gray. She seemed to be steeling herself for what was to come. She sat there unmoving, ready to take the onslaught, whatever it may be. "I swear to God, Elizabeth, I didn't see it. I didn't realize the things that were going on in my head were coming out and affecting you. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"You went through a lot. You saw a lot. You were bound to need some time to adjust. I think we're at a point though, where it's time to consider some outside help." Elizabeth held her breath, hoping that Henry wouldn't be opposed.

"You don't know what I saw. I tried to keep it locked away, but it keeps leaking out. After Beth went with the Martins, I came home and thought about things. I don't want to lose Beth or you. I went to the VA this afternoon and saw someone to talk about what's going on in my head. I want to fix this, but it will take time. Will you stay while I work on it?"

All of the pent up tension Elizabeth had been holding since Henry's return, was suddenly gone leaving her unable to hold herself upright, she fell back into the couch, limp, and a sob forced its way from her throat. Henry wrapped his arms around his wife, pulling her to his chest. "Babe?"

She clung to his muscular frame, thankful that she didn't have to press the issue. Not only was he willing, but he went on his own. "I'm so glad you went to see someone. How was it? I don't need to know details. Just in general."

"It was good. Just first meeting stuff, but I think it will be good. There are a lot of things that I just can't get out of my head." Henry buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent.

"I know. Amiriyah and then Al-Fallujah bridge incident, although we weren't technically involved,. I know you were there. Then the others," she murmured.

"How did you know that?" he asked.

"I was on the Middle East desk for six months before they figured out that you were deployed. I read the daily briefings every day. I knew where you were and what you were doing until the day they pulled me off the desk and stuck me in East Africa."

"I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have known that. I can't believe they didn't pull you off sooner," Henry brushed her hair back from her face. "I wish you had been spared that."

Elizabeth studied him. "I wanted to know. I wanted to make sure you were safe. It helped me to know some of the horrors you saw. It made me more accepting of how you were when you came home."

"Beth told me how awful I've been. I truly am sorry. I'm committed to fixing it I don't know what I'll have to do or how long it will take, but I'm going to get us back. Walking out was the dumbest thing I've ever done, and I will never make that mistake again."

She nestled into his chest, feeling more relaxed, than she'd been since before Henry deployed. For the first time in a few months, she thought they would make it.