Spock reviewed the report the Doctor had wanted his opinion on before submitting when a relatively new crewman, Mr. Norman, passed.

"Good morning, sir, Doctor," he said.

The Doctor made a face of consternation and Spock raised his eyebrows and asked, "Something wrong?"

"Yes," Doctor McCoy said darkly. "There's something odd about that man, and I can't quite pinpoint it."

Spock glanced after Mr. Norman and said, "Perhaps you're making a rather hasty judgment. Mr. Norman has only been aboard seventy-two hours."

Less than that, in truth, but Doctor McCoy seemed to have little patience for precise measurements of time being used in conversation.

"I know when something doesn't strike me right," the Doctor insisted, "and he doesn't."

"Specifics, Doctor. Labels do not make arguments."

"Alright. There's something wrong about a man who never smiles, whose conversation never varies from the routine of the job, and who won't talk about his background."

Spock nodded slowly, wondering what Vivian would say to this very obviously biased statement. At the very least, she would be amused. Perhaps he would relate it to her after their shifts ended.

"I see," he said.

Doctor McCoy seemed to realize how his words appeared and he said, "Spock, I mean that it's odd for a non-Vulcan. The ears make all the difference."

"I find your argument strewn with gaping defects in logic."

"Maybe," the Doctor said bitterly, "but you can't evaluate a man by logic alone. Besides, he has avoided two appointments that I've made for his physical exam without reason."

"That's not at all surprising, Doctor," Spock said, handing back the report he had been reviewing. "He's probably terrified of your beads and rattles."

/-/

While Spock was doing rounds with inspection of the various sections of the science department, Vivian was at his station, resisting the temptation to press unnecessary buttons. He should have been back by now, but perhaps there was some minor crisis in the geophysics labs or some such thing.

Sulu suddenly started pressing buttons frantically, however, and Vivian sat up straight.

"What's wrong, Sulu?" she asked.

"There's an unplanned course change being fed into the instruments, sir."

"Can you fix it?"

"I can't, sir," he said anxiously as she hurried to the communication station.

"Bridge to Auxiliary Control," she said. "What is your status?"

There was no response, however, and Sulu said, "Sir, Auxiliary Control is on total override."

She nodded in acknowledgement and tried something different.

"Bridge to Security."

A vaguely familiar voice answered, "Security. Lieutenant Rowe here, sir."

"Intruder alert," the Captain said, "deck eight, Auxiliary Control."

"Acknowledged."

"Ensign," the Captain said, "go get Mr. Spock to the Bridge."

"Aye, sir," Chekov said, hopping up and hurrying out, Vivian taking his seat and routing communications to his station.

"What's the imposed course, Mr. Sulu?" the Captain asked.

"Turning oh-three-oh-seven degrees, mark eight. Being executed now, sir."

"Security to the Bridge," the voice of Mr. Rowe said.

"Bridge," Vivian said, putting him through speaker.

"Lieutenant Rowe, sir. I'm in Auxiliary Control. Ensign Jordan's been knocked out. The directional master controls have been jammed. They're totally unworkable."

"Any sign of the intruder?" the Captain asked.

"No, sir. He's gone. I've put out a full security alert on all decks."

Vivian began to chew on her lip, but stopped when she saw Spock entering with Chekov from the turbolift. She gave Chekov his station back and retreated to the communication center, routing communications back.

"Find him," the Captain was saying as Vivian made her move. "Kirk out." She cut off the transmission and said, "Mr. Spock, we seem to be taking an unscheduled ride."

"Interesting," Spock said, sitting at his station and regarding the sensors and running through his readout options.

"Sulu," Vivian said, turning her chair for a better look at the action, "let's try cutting the emergency manual motor and see what we can do about the override."

Sulu attempted to do so, but he shook his head and said, "Counselor, the instruments won't respond."

Vivian exchanged a look with the Captain, who pressed her intercom button and said, "Emergency manual monitor, report. This is Captain Kirk. Acknowledge." A pause, but no answer. "Emergency manual monitor, this is the Captain. Report."

When there was still no reply, Vivian patched her own mic through to Engineering and said, "Engineering, this is the Bridge. Respond." But again, there was no answer. "Scotty? Scotty, acknowledge."

She shook her head. The line was open, but nobody was speaking.

The Captain then tried, saying, "Kirk to Engineering. This is the Captain. Scotty, report." Nothing. "Scotty, the intruder is in your area. What's going on down there?" Still nothing. "Scotty?"

Soft, almost inaudible, they heard Scotty answer, "Captain, he's here."

Almost as soon as that happened, the line went out.

"Engineering?" Vivian said, trying to reconnect.

"Scotty?" the Captain said, jamming her finger onto her intercom button. "Scotty?" She gave a small huff of frustration before resetting her button and pressing it again. "Security," she said, "the intruder is in the Engineering section. Have all units converge on that point."

"Sir," Sulu said, anxiously, "we're picking up speed. Warp five, six. Warp seven, sir."

"Pull the plug," Vivian barked.

"I can't, Counselor. All the controls are jammed."

"Spock, take over," the Captain said, standing, when the doors to the turbolift opened and Mr. Norman entered.

"It will not be necessary, Captain," Norman said.

The Captain took a step back and gestured to Vivian, saying, "Tell security we've found the intruder." Vivian gave Security the all clear signal to call off the search as the Captain said, "Do you mind telling me what this is all about, mister?"

Norman stared passively back at the Captain and said, "I am in total control of your ship. I have connected the matter-antimatter pods to the main navigational bank. A trigger relay is now in operation. Any attempts to alter course will result in immediate destruction of this vessel."

Vivian felt momentary dizziness as she tried to wrap her mind around this claim, and the Captain prompted, "Spock?"

From his station, Spock said, "Confirmed, Captain. He's taken out all the override controls. If we tamper without knowing where the trigger relay is, we could extinguish ourselves."

"But who are you," Vivian said, "and what is it you want?"

Norman was still so passive, and he said, "I assure you we mean no threat to humanity or humanoid life. We mean you no harm, but we require your ship."

"You require?" the Captain repeated, incredulous. "Who and what are 'we?'"

Norman responded by lifting his tunic and opening what was apparently a panel in his abdomen. Where a human had internal organs, Norman had what Vivian recognized as circuit boards, flashing indicators, and a mass of wires.

"An android," the Captain said, mildly surprised.

"And most sophisticated," Spock said with interest. Vivian was sure he was impressed with the technology level he was witnessing, but her mind was more on what was going to happen to them next and what androids or people who could make such androids would want with Enterprise.

Norman seemed to be equally single-minded, and said, "I control the trigger relay, sir. I cannot be overcome by physical means, and if you attempt to use your phasers, the trigger relay will be activated. We shall continue on our present course for approximately four solar days, at which time we shall arrive at our destination."

Since she could see no way of doing any good during those four solar days, Vivian focused on the endgame, and asked, "Who is your master?"

"I am not programmed to respond in that area."

Spock circled Norman, Vivian thought for scientific curiosity, but the abdomen was closed and his eyes seemed darker. She was a bit confused when Spock attempted to mind meld with Norman, but after a moment he pulled his hands away and said, "He simply appears to have turned himself off, Captain. And since we cannot repair the damage he has done without destroying the ship—"

"It seems we're going to take a little trip," the Captain finished for him.

And Norman simply stood there, unmoving, off, and somehow giving Vivian the sense that he was watching her.

Captain's Log, stardate 4513.3. After having been taken over by an android, the Enterprise has been underway at warp seven. Now we are entering orbit around a planet which has never been charted.

Upon arrival at the planet they had been sent to, Norman woke, and Vivian wondered whether he'd put himself on some kind of timer, or if he had a kind of homing sensor.

"Captain Kirk," he said. "The following individuals will be transported down to our planet. Yourself, Science Officer, Medical Officer, Tactical Officer, and Navigator."

The Captain, as required by Starfleet, did not take this demand as gospel, and said, "Any meetings or discussions can be held aboard Enterprise."

"If you do not come with me," Norman said evenly, "your engines will be destroyed and you will remain in orbit here forever."

"How thoughtful," Vivian said under her breath, glancing over at Spock who quirked an eyebrow to tell her that he had no ideas that could keep them onboard, which was much what she expected.

"There is a word," Norman said. "Among us there is no corresponding meaning, but it seems to mean something to you humans."

The Captain looked up at Norman defiantly, her eyes narrowing as she considered him.

"And what is that word?" she demanded.

"Please," Norman replied.

/-/

The landing party Norman had selected materialized in a cavern, and Spock took in the geological structures briefly as Norman took an opportunity to describe the atmosphere.

"Our planet's surface is what you classify as K-Type," it said, "adaptable for humans by use of pressure domes and life-support systems." He turned to two identical women standing in a nearby doorway and said, "I have brought them."

One of the women, with a kind of collar with the number one on her neck said, "He is waiting."

The other one said, "If you will follow us, please?"

They turned to the Captain, but she nodded and led the way, following the women into a kind of throne room, where there were more identical women to the first two, and a very familiar Harry Mudd sitting on a throne.

"I don't believe it," the Captain said, grinning.

"Welcome aboard, Kirk," Mr. Mudd responded jovially, looking at the new arrivals. Spock did not miss that his eyes lingered on Vivian. "It's been a long time, eh?"

"Harry Mudd."

"Well, to be absolutely accurate, my dear, you should refer to me as Mudd the First, ruler of this entire sovereign planet?"

"Ruler?" she echoed, although her amusement was wearing thin. "Harry, I want control of my ship returned immediately. We have no intention of staying as your guests."

"Well, I'm afraid there's a bit of a problem there."

The Captain narrowed her eyes and frowned, and Vivian whipped out her communicator more quickly than Spock had ever before seen, and she said, "Buckingham to Enterprise."

"Alice," Mudd said firmly, and one of the girls snatched the communicator from Vivian's hands.

"Kirk to Enterprise," the Captain said, having only barely turned on the communicator when Alice grabbed hers as well and crushed them, one in each hand, to irreparable rubble.

"Now, now, now, now, Jamie, my dear," Mudd said happily, wagging a finger at her, "let's have no unauthorized communications."

"You know this man, Captain?" Chekov asked fiercely.

"Oh, do I know him," the Captain said darkly. "Harcourt Fenton Mudd, thief—"

"Come now," Mudd protested.

"Swindler and conman—"

"Entrepreneur."

"Liar and rogue," the Captain finished, shaking her head.

Mudd looked comically wounded and said, "Did I leave you with that impression?"

Vivian's expression was cold and unimpressed, one she rarely had cause to use, and she said forcefully, "Mr. Mudd, you will have Norman deactivate the trigger relay and unfreeze the ship's controls."

"I shall do that, lovely woman," he said, turning to her with decidedly lecherous eyes, "when I'm ready."

Her nostrils flared, and she tipped up her chin in defiant expression, and the Captain said, "I'm telling you now."

"And I do the telling on this planet, Kirk, old girl," Mudd said, amused. "You do the listening."

"Alright, I'll listen," the Captain countered. "What are you telling?"

"Merely that you might as well start enjoying yourselves," Mudd said, waving his hands in a sort of wheel. "It's really a very, very nice place, and you're all going to be here quite probably for the rest of your lives."

He laughed, but Vivian was not interested in appeasing him.

"Mr. Mudd," she said sternly, "you restore the nav console and release that ship."

"Sorry," he said, almost patronizingly. "That'd be against the law. My law. Decreed by Mudd the First. Voted in by the resident population. Lovely, aren't they?" he said, gesturing to the many female androids about him. "You must admit, Kirk, that I still retain my eye for beauty. I creed that I should always be surrounded by it, and the decrees always come to pass. I've had five hundred of them made up to attend me. All of them identical. All of them beautiful, compliant obedient."

Vivian made a sound of disgust and Spock said, "Five hundred of the same model? That seems rather redundant."

"I have a fondness for the model, Mr. Spock, which you, unfortunately, are ill-equipped to appreciate."

Vivian's nostrils flared again, and Spock was pleased that she had the comportment not to allow him so far under her skin that she make undignified remarks at Mr. Mudd on behalf of Spock's appreciation of beauty. What Spock was not pleased with was Mr. Mudd's obvious appreciation of Vivian's beauty.

"Alright, Harry," the Captain snapped, "explain. How did you get here? We left you in custody after that affair on the Rigel mining planet."

"Yes, well, I organized a technical information service bringing modern industrial techniques to backwards planets, making available certain valuable patents to struggling young civilizations throughout the galaxy."

"Did you pay royalties to the owners of those patents?" the Captain asked, eyebrows raised, fully expecting the answer.

"Well, actually, Kirk, as a defender of the free enterprise system, I found myself in a rather ambiguous conflict as a matter of principle."

Spock raised his eyebrows and said, "He did not pay royalties."

"Knowledge, sir, should be free to all."

"And just who caught you?" Vivian said.

"That, my dear, is an outrageous assumption."

"Yes," the Captain said, smiling and nodding. "Who caught you?"

He sniffed and answered, "I sold the Denebians all the rights to a Vulcan fuel synthesizer."

"And the Denebians contacted the Vulcans," the Captain said, nodding.

"How'd you know?" Mudd asked, stunned.

"That's what I would have done."

"It's typical police mentality. They've got no sense of humor. They arrested me."

"Oh, I find that shocking," the Doctor said facetiously, grinning.

"Worse than that," Mudd continued. "Do you know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb Five?"

"As I recall," Vivian said, smirking, "they're quite civilized. They give the convicted a choice from death by electruction, gas, phaser, hanging."

"The key word in your entire preoration, my dear, was death," Mudd said darkly. "Barbarians. Well, of course, I left."

"He broke jail," the Captain translated for Mr. Chekov.

"I borrowed transportation."

"He stole a spaceship."

"The patrol reacted in a hostile manner."

"They fired on him."

"They've no respect for private property," Mudd snapped, growing increasingly irritated as the Captain cut across his tale. "They damaged the bloody spaceship. Well, I got away, but I couldn't navigate, so I wandered throughout unmapped space, and here I found Mudd."

"You went to substantial risk and effort to bring a starship here," Spock said, getting back to the matter of hand. "Logically, you must have a compelling motive."

"Spock," Mr. Mudd said, grinning, "you're going to love it here. They all talk just the way you do."

"Your story, Mr. Mudd," Vivian said, clearly agitated.

He cleared his throat and said, "Yes, well, right, my dear. So here I am on a planet with over two hundred thousand hard working, happy androids, all of whom exist merely to serve my every whim. It's absolutely paradise."

"Then I am unable to discern your problem," Spock said.

"They won't let me go," Mudd said anxiously. "They want to study me. They want to learn more about human beings."

"They picked a fine representative," the Captain said sarcastically.

"Watch your tongue, miss," Mr. Mudd said, wagging his finger again. "You're talking about Mudd the first. Well, anyway, I ran out of ideas. I simply ran out of things for them to do, and they insisted that I bring them more human beings. They need human beings to serve, to study. So I had to promise them a prime sample. A starship captain. Bright, loyal, fearless, and imaginative. Any captain would have done. I was lucky to get you." He grinned. "So you are going to take over for me here, and I can get off this rock and back to civilization."

"I think not, Harry."

"You misunderstand me, missie," Mudd said, amused. "I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. You have no choice. Show them to their quarters."

Norman and several Alices chorused, "Yes, my Lord Mudd."

"This way, please," one of the Alices said.

The Doctor gestured to a curtained alcove and said, "Harry, what's this?"

"Ah," Mr. Mudd said happily. "That, gentlemen, is a shrine to the memory of my beloved Stella."

"Who's that?" Vivian asked.

"Stella, my wife."

He opened the curtain to reveal a woman of sour features, in android form.

"Dead?" the Doctor asked.

"Oh, no, no, no. Merely deserted. You see, gentlemen, behind every great man there is a woman urging him on. And so it was with my Stella. She urged me on into outer space. Not that she meant to, but with her continual, eternal, confounded nagging. Well, I think of her constantly, and every time I do, I go further out into space."

"That's very interesting," the Doctor mused, exchanging a glance with Vivian. "You leave your wife and then bring her along."

"I had the androids construct a perfect replica of Stella so that I could gaze upon her and rejoice in her absence. Gentlemen, attend. Stella, dear."

"Harcourt," the android Stella cried. "Harcourt Fenton Mudd, what have you been up to? Nothing good, I'm sure. Well, let me tell you, lazy, good-for-nothing—"

"Shut up," Mudd said happily.

"Nothing-thing-thin…"

She shut off and slumped, like a woman falling asleep in a chair.

"Marvelous, isn't it?" Mudd said happily, swelling with self-satisfaction. "I finally have the last word with her, and with you."

Vivian and Spock exchanged a glance, but they followed the androids out of the throne room.

/-/

Norman and the Alices took the landing party to a living area, which appeared to be a space with couches and plants. Vivian suspected there were side rooms with bed and such.

"You'll find this quite comfortable," Norman said. "Your quarters are down the hall."

Alice 1 said, "If there is anything you need—"

"Yes," the Captain said quickly. "My ship."

Alice 2 said, "We are not programmed to respond in that area."

Vivian sat on one of the couches and said, "Norman, who is your creator?"

"The makers designed us," Norman said. "They came from the galaxy of Andromeda."

"Then your makers weren't humanoid?" Bones asked.

"They were, as you say, quite humanoid, but, unlike your civilization, robots were common. We performed the necessary service functions and freed our makers to evolve a perfect social order."

"What became of them?" the Captain asked.

Spock circled around the couches, until he was behind Vivian, his eyes darting between the androids and the way they had come in. She knew he had noticed Harry Mudd's attention to Vivian's looks, and she would have found it amusing if she didn't find Mudd and the whole situation so disgusting and frustrating.

"Our home planet's sun became a nova," Norman said. "Only a few exploratory outposts survived. This unit, myself, was part of one such outpost in your galaxy."

"Then some of your masters survive," the Captain clarified.

"No, Captain. They died over the stretch of time."

"Whom do you serve now?" Spock asked.

The three androids chorused, "We all serve Harry Mudd."

"He has given us purpose again," Alice 2 said.

"It is necessary to have purpose," Alice 1 said.

"We lacked it for a long time," Norman said, before leaving the area.

"We have a very extensive library section for your amusement," Alice 1 said.

"Our research laboratories and workshops are extremely well-equipped," Alice 2 said.

"You are free to visit them," they added, in perfect unison.

Vivian gave them as polite a smile as she could muster, saying, "Thank you. I'm sure we will visit them later. Now, could you please leave?"

Both asked together, "Why should we leave?"

The Captain said, "Because we don't like you. Now." She made a shoving gesture, and the Alices left them alone. Vivian was mildly surprised when Spock sat beside her on the sofa, but she turned her attention to the Captain, who paced the length of the room once before turning to the other three.

"Well, opinions?" she asked.

"I think we're in a lot of trouble," Chekov said.

"That's a great help, Chekov," the Captain said, irritated. "Vivian?"

"I'm with Chekov," Vivian said, brushing hair behind her ear. "Definitely a lot of trouble."

"Spock," the Captain said sharply. "And if you say we're in a lot of trouble…"

"We are," Spock said, nodding, "and we must direct our attack to the heart of the matter. Obviously this many androids cannot operate independently. There must be a central control system which guides the entire android population."

"Try and find it," the Captain said, pointing at him. "The rest of you, learn everything you can. I'll see what else I can find out from Mr. Mudd. Let's go."

Spock stood, and held out his hand to help Vivian to her feet. By the time they stood, the others had left the living area.

"Where will you go?" he asked.

"I'll probably catch up to the Captain," Vivian said. "I'm afraid psychology does little good with androids. They don't have a lot of psychological variance, and I won't be of much use to you with computers."

He brushed the hair behind her ear again.

"Take care of Harcourt Mudd," he said. "He is—"

"A pig?" she said, smirking. "Don't worry, Spock. A pig he may be, but I'm trained in more types of martial arts than he could dream of counting."

She kissed him quickly and hurried after the Captain, not wanting to lose her in what had to be a vast compound, to house such a number of androids.

/-/

Spock found the computer room by asking androids along his way. All were perfectly comfortable obliging his requests for directions, and when he arrived he found two androids he had subsequently learned were in the Herman class, and Norman himself working behind a console.

"I trust you are enjoying yourself, Mr. Spock," Norman said upon Spock's entry.

All of the androids had asked Spock about his enjoyment of their facilities, and it seemed to be their greatest concern that he be enjoying himself.

"Very interesting," Spock said, walking to the center of the room, considering what appeared to be a node for a peripheral control complex. "Very interesting. This is a most unusual device."

"It is our central control complex," Norman said.

Spock found that very interesting indeed, considering this complex might manage to control, perhaps, the five hundred Alices at most.

"Did I understand there are more than two hundred thousand of you?" Spock asked.

"Two hundred and seven thousand, eight hundred and nine."

This confirmed, for the most part, Spock's suspicions, and he decided to press the matter further, to see what response Norman would give. Spock was curious whether androids were capable of guile, or whether there was something of Harry Mudd, or another and greater intelligence, in this obvious misdirection.

"This would seem to be a simple relay center," he said, examining it from another angle. "Are all of you controlled through this device?"

Norman's collar flashed for a moment before he said, "I am not programmed to respond in this area."

"Oh, that's quite understandable," Spock said, wondering how the Captain and Vivian and the others were getting on.

/-/

Alice 263 was showing off a new android that was just finished being built to the Captain and Vivian, who were touring the production facilities.

"These are our Barbara series," Alice 263 said, gesturing to the new android, and another nearby, both brunettes and dressed in identical pink outfits. "The body is covered with self-renewing plastic over a skeleton of beryllium-titanium alloy."

"Remarkable," Vivian said, under her breath, thinking of how durable such a body would be. Norman was quite right, saying that he couldn't be overpowered physically. While this disturbed her, she also found it intriguing.

"I should say so," the Captain agreed.

"I rather like the style," Vivian said, walking around the Barbara model.

"They were, of course, made to my personal specifications," Mudd said smugly, "as were the Maisie series, the Trudie series, and particularly the Annabel series."

"Don't you believe in male androids, Harry?" the Captain asked, smirking.

Mudd blinked, taken aback. "Male?" he asked. "Well, I suppose they have their uses."

Vivian shook her head as the Captain asked, "How long does a body like that last?"

"None of our android bodies has ever worn out," Alice 19 answered. "However, the estimated duration of this model is five hundred thousand years."

Vivian felt slightly dizzy. Her own life had never seemed short before meeting Spock, but knowing that he would live at least two of her lifetimes if they were both lucky with health and work, she had to say that such an extension to life-span was enough to turn her head once. She didn't particularly like the idea that Spock would continuing living after she'd gone, maybe even love again. They would never be able to grow old together.

"Five hundred thousand years?" the Captain echoed, astonished.

"Our medi-robots are able to place a human brain within a structurally compatible android body," Alice 263 said, mistaking the Captain's response with enthusiasm.

Vivian looked at the Barbara model and felt a slight and strange pull in her chest. If she and Spock had bodies like that, there would be no growing old. There would be forever.

She hardly noticed Harcourt Mudd beside her until he said, disgustingly close to her face, "Immortality and eternal beauty."

All notions of the idea flew out of her head when he verbalized it. Something about the way he looked at her when he said it, the way it sounded in his voice, made it feel base and vile instead of romantic and sweet. And she wanted to go back to Enterprise all the more.

/-/

Vivian was sitting on the couch again, thinking about the situation they found themselves in when Spock entered.

"Captain," Spock said, almost eagerly, "I've just had a most fascinating meeting with Norman, and I'm convinced I've discovered a very important inconsistency."

Vivian's head jerked up at this, but she saw Bones entering with Harry Mudd, and her neck tensed, knowing they couldn't speak freely in front of Mudd.

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Doctor," Mudd was saying jovially.

"Vivian," Bones said, his eyes lit up, "you should see the research facilities. They've got a lab down there that – Well, I could spend the rest of my life studying it."

Mudd patted his arm and said, "I do so admire a man who devotes himself to knowledge."

Quirking an eyebrow, Vivian said, "I hope you haven't forgotten that we aren't staying, Bones."

He looked slightly abashed, and Mudd grinned and said, "Stubborn, my dear. Stubborn."

"I wouldn't be bored," Bones said, shrugging, "I can tell you that."

Before the Captain or Vivian could admonish him, however, Scotty entered in tow of one of the Alices.

"Let go of me!" he cried, irritated. "Now what are you doing? What kind of woman—"

"The last one, Lord," Alice said to Mudd, throwing Scotty into the group.

"Splendid," Mudd said, clapping his hands together. "Splendid. Welcome to Mudd, Mr. Scott."

Scotty looked up at him, astonished and a bit outraged (although that was perhaps leftover from his treatment by the Alice who had gathered him from the ship), and he cried, "Harry Mudd! Oh, you bogus frat, you. You're the cause of all this, are you?"

"I thought I heard the Captain ordering you to stay onboard," Vivian said, frowning.

"Aye, Vivian," Scotty said, still fuming. "And I stayed until that female gargantua threw me into the transporter beams."

"What does she mean, the last one?" the Captain demanded.

Mudd looked thrilled as he said, "Didn't I tell you, Kirk? I beamed a few dozen androids up to your ship. They've been sending your crew to the surface for the past couple of hours. They're all down now?"

Vivian stood abruptly as the Captain charged Mudd, crying, "Are you out of your mind?" The Captain grabbed him by his shirt collar and he looked a bit startled with her forcefulness. "You can't beam down the entire crew of a spaceship. Somebody has to be onboard."

"There is an entire crew aboard," Mudd said, regaining his bravado. "An entire crew of androids. They learn very quickly, Captain. The fact is, I've taken over your whole ship. There's nothing you can do about it."

The Captain smiled, letting go of his shirt, smoothing the wrinkles out.

"Harry, Harry," she said amused, "you'll never get away with it."

"Well, who's to stop me?"

Vivian sat back down, crossing her legs and saying, "Starfleet, for one."

"But now, my dear," he said, glancing down at her legs, "now I have a ship of my own as fast as any in the fleet, so how will they catch me, eh?" He tapped her nose and she fought the urge to slap him as he said, "Just think of it, Captain. Harry Mudd with his own crew of lovelies aboard your vessel. Think about that."

"I'm trying not to," the Captain said darkly.

"Alice," Mudd said, waving his hand, and he left, Alice following after him.

Spock and the Captain walked toward the center of the room, watching him go, and Vivian scratched her thigh thoughtfully.

"He could successfully accomplish it, Captain," Spock said softly. "I've questioned a number of the androids, and they're totally loyal to Mudd. Perhaps of more concern is the fact that this android population can literally provide anything a human could ask for in unlimited quantity."

Vivian shivered as the Captain answered, "Yes, I know. That's what worries me. How will my crew react in a world where they can have everything they want simply by asking for it?"

Spock and Vivian exchanged a glance, but there was too much work to be done to speak to him in private.

/-/

After Spock showed Vivian and the Captain the central computer room, although it meant almost nothing to Vivian, they went to the laboratory, one area none of them had yet seen, only to find Scotty already there, marveling at the equipment.

"Captain," he cried happily, "you should see this shop! Why, they have facilities we've never even thought of."

Vivian felt her nostrils flare and she said softly, "So that's the strategy, Mudd? Temptations to target every weakness?"

Instead of Harry Mudd answering her with some demeaning and inadequate response, though, Norman – who had been showing Scotty some of their equipment – said to her, "We only wish to make you happy and comfortable, Counselor. If we are to serve your kind, we must understand you. Our lord, Harry Mudd, was only one example for us. Now we are learning a great deal from all of you."

Vivian took deep breaths to keep from screaming, but she understood Scotty's temptation. What she had seen offered a great deal of temptation for her as well, and if she wasn't so afraid of what she might do, given the opportunity, she might even give in. But the things that tempted her, unlike with some of the others, were things which could not be undone.

/-/

The living area held the original landing party, as well as Mr. Scott, and Spock watched Vivian as she paced the length of the room, back and forth, seemingly quite anxious.

"How are we going to get free?" she said, to no one in particular.

"I don't know, sir," Chekov said, smiling, "but it's a nice gilded cage. A very pleasant place, Counselor."

"What did they offer you, Vivian?" Mr. Scott asked, frowning and curious.

She did not meet anyone's eyes and gave a strange, short laugh before saying, "Eternal youth and beauty, if you can believe it."

Spock said nothing, watching her pace, but he wondered what had crossed her mind as they put that temptation before her. Had she thought of him and his life span, and how many years he would outlive her?

"Alright," the Captain said sharply. "We're getting back to the ship, and don't you forget it. Straighten up!" Mr. Chekov sat at attention, and Vivian stopped pacing, hands falling at her sides. "This may be a gilded cage filled with everything you always wanted, but it's still a cage. We don't belong here. We belong on that ship, but here."

Alice 471 entered.

"Do you require something, ma'am?" she asked the Captain.

"No," the Captain said irritably, but she quickly countered herself. "Yes. My ship."

"I am not programmed," Alice began, with the Captain finishing her canned phrase with her, "to respond in that area."

"Yes, I know," the Captain said, her jaw working with frustration.

Alice 471 asked, "Is there anything any of you require to please you?"

The Captain decided to try it from another angle and said, "Alice, give us back our ship to please us. Return us to our ship because we desire it."

Her collar flashed and she said, "We are programmed to serve. We shall serve you to your best interests to make you happy."

"But we're unhappy," Vivian said eagerly.

"Please explain unhappy."

Spock came to the center and said, "Unhappiness is the state which occurs in the human when wants or desires are unfulfilled."

"Which wants and desires of yours are not fulfilled?" Alice 471 asked.

"We want the Enterprise," the Captain said.

Alice's label flashed vigorously.

"The Enterprise is not a want or desire," she said, as though concluding this. "It is a mechanical device."

"No," the Captain insisted, "it's a beautiful lady and we love her."

"Illogical," Alice 471 said. "Illogical. All units relate. Norman, coordinate. Unhappiness does not relate. We must study this."

And then, without a word of politeness or parting, Alice 471 left the way she came, but with haste and urgency.

"Interesting," the Captain said, frowning after the android.

"You said it," Vivian said, brushing her loose strand of hair from her face.

"Bones," the Captain said abruptly, turning to Doctor McCoy, "have you had time to double check Vivian's psychological readings of the androids?"

"I did," the Doctor said, but he was hesitant. "And you can forget it. They're perfect, flawless, mentally and physically. No weaknesses, perfectly disciplined. No vices, no fears, no faults. Just a sense of purpose. Believe me, there's nothing tougher to overcome, even among humans."

"Yes," the Captain said, suddenly smiling. "That's just what this crew needs, a little sense of purpose."

Spock waited patiently as they all gathered close around the Captain and began to plan their next moves.

/-/

The thing to be done, they decided, was to confront Harry Mudd once more, and they went to the throne room once more, where he was preparing to leave.

"Mudd, a few questions I want to ask you," the Captain said, and Mudd looked irritated by this.

"Afraid I won't have time to answer them," he said. "My bags are all packed. The androids will take the Enterprise out of orbit in less than twenty-four hours. But it's been a real pleasure having you here, Kirk. Is there anything I can get for you?"

"Enterprise," Vivian said forcefully, and he laughed at her. Vivian had a horrible feeling he was going to tap her nose again, but thankfully he held off.

He said, "You're a stubborn one, aren't you? But I don't mind. I don't mind that at all. Because I'll be leaving here quickly enough, and then you can be stubborn at your own leisure. One last time." He smiled, turning to the android of his wife. "Stella, dear."

She woke, and immediately began berating him.

"Harcourt Fenton Mudd, where have you been? What have you been up to? Have you been drinking again, you miserable sot? You good-for-nothing—"

"Shut up!" Mudd cried happily.

"Thing, thing, thing," Stella continued, as she turned off again, slumping.

"Alice Number 2, my little love. Will you have my bags transported up to the ship?"

In unison, chillingly, all the androids in the room said, "No, my Lord Mudd."

Mudd blinked, puzzled, and shook his head as though he had water in his ear that must have kept him from understanding.

"What?" he asked.

"We can no longer take your orders, Harry Mudd," Norman said.

Mudd looked almost like he'd been smacked across the face and said, "Why not?"

"Our makers were wise. They programmed us to serve."

"Yes, but that's what I'm saying. Put my bags on the ship."

The Captain, who was beginning to smile, shook her head and said, "Harry, I think they have something else in mind."

"You are correct, Captain," Norman said. "Harry Mudd is flawed. We recognized this from the beginning, but used his knowledge to obtain more specimens. Your species is self-destructive. You need our help."

"We prefer to help ourselves," the Captain said. "We make mistakes, but we're human." She smiled. "And maybe that's the word that best explains us."

"We will not harm you, but we will take the starship, and you will remain on this planet," Norman said.

"Now," Mudd said angrily, "look here. You can't do that! Now, listen. To serve us, you must obey us."

The androids then chorused, "No my Lord Mudd."

Mudd, however, had stubbornness to rival any of the Enterprise crew, and he turned to the nearest Alice.

"Alice Number One," he said anxiously, "obey me. Put my bags on that ship!"

Instead of doing as asked, Alice gave Harry Mudd a gentle shove, and he went reeling backward from the force of it, falling to the ground, looking up with wide, horrified, confused eyes.

"We cannot allow any race as greedy and corruptible as yours to have free run of the galaxy," Norman said calmly.

Spock, who had thus far let events carry on and listen, said, "I am curious, Norman. Just how do you intend to stop them?"

"We shall serve them," Norman said. "Their kind will be eager to accept our service. Soon, they will become completely dependent on us."

"Their aggressive and acquisitive instincts will be under our control," Alice 99 said.

Vivian knew they could accomplish it, however, more so than any other species, because she knew of no species with such a life span. Like caring for a herd.

"We shall take care of them," Norman concluded.

"Eminently practical," Spock said, nodding.

In a momentary panic, Vivian asked, "Do you mean to control the whole galaxy?"

"Yes, Counselor," Norman said pleasantly. "And we shall serve them and you will be happy, and controlled."

For some inexplicable reason, as the androids left them standing in the throne room, Vivian felt a nearly overwhelming urge to vomit.

/-/

Spock watched Vivian pick at a loose string on one of the couches in the living area, where Harry Mudd had now joined their group, as he, too, found himself to be a prisoner.

"So far," the Captain said, "this thing has had its amusing aspects, but that threat the androids made about taking over all the humans in the galaxy is not very funny."

"Indeed, it is not," Spock said, turning his gaze from Vivian to the Captain. "They may quite possibly be able to accomplish it."

"Take my word for it," Mudd said darkly. "They can."

Spock nodded and said, "Whatever method we use to stop them, we must make haste. They have only to install some cybernetic devices aboard the Enterprise and they'll be able to leave orbit."

"How do you know so much?" the Doctor said, a demand that sounded almost suspicious, which Spock did not find out of character. After all, the androids had not said anything about Vulcans.

"We asked," Vivian said.

"Oh," Doctor McCoy said, looking a bit abashed, shrugging and looking at the door, perhaps wondering if the androids were watching them, although Spock knew they felt they had no need.

"Why shouldn't they answer our questions?" the Captain said, frantically, beginning herself to pace the floor. "They don't think we can do anything to stop them."

"You're so smart, Kirk," Mudd said, sitting on a different couch from Vivian, "you and your pointy-eared thinking machine of yours. Well, you'd better do something, because I'm as anxious to get off this ruddy rock as you are."

"You wanted to leave us on this ruddy rock and leave by yourself," the Doctor reminded him.

"Oh, yes," Mudd said, only slightly sheepish for being reminded of his poor behavior. Spock supposed Mudd was used to the sensation.

"Alright," the Captain said, stopping in her tracks and facing the rest of them abruptly. She raised her hands and waved them beseechingly. "What have we got to work with?"

Vivian sat up straighter and said, "One major limitation of these androids is the lack of creative, individual thinking."

"Yet the device Norman claims to be their central control is totally inadequate to the task of directing more than two hundred thousand of them," Spock said.

"I agree," the Captain said, her eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "What, in your opinion, does direct them?"

Spock had been considering his theory for some time, and even as he presented it he wondered what the theory could do to help them. And yet he was certain it was correct.

"There are a large number of Alices and Trudies," he said, "Maisies, Annabels, and according to my research, a Herman series, an Oscar series, a whole plethora of series, in fact. But only one Norman."

"Norman, the Captain said, nodding. "When I told one of the Alices that the Enterprise was a lovely lady and we loved her, she said, 'Norman, coordinate.' Why Norman? Unless—"

"We're dealing with a kind of electrical hive mind," Vivian said, excitedly, jumping to her feet, "centralized in one particular android."

"Named Norman," the Captain finished, nodding, smiling. "Forming one gigantic, highly intelligent mind. And the glowing badges, they indicate the mind in operation."

Spock said, "That would seem logical."

"Yes, logical," the Captain said, almost triumphantly. "That's what it is. And that, in turn, gives us a weapon we can use against them. We must use wild, insane, irrational illogic aimed right at Norman!"

The room at large understood the Captain's meaning, except, it would seem, Harry Mudd, who said, "Captain, you sing and dance as well as anyone I've ever seen, but what the devil are you talking about?"

Spock tried to explain: "What would seem to be a sound – and perhaps our only – opportunity."

Mudd raised his eyebrows and said, "Opportunity? Now, listen, Spock you may be a wonderful Science Officer, but believe me, you couldn't sell fake patents to your mother."

Spock raised his eyebrows and looked to Vivian, who was merely fighting a twitching at the corners of her lips. He turned back to Mudd and said, "I fail to understand why I should care to induce my mother to purchase falsified patents."

"Forget it," Mudd said, with clear signs of frustration.

Vivian waved her hands and said, "To business, gentlemen. Mudd, do you want to help?"

Harry Mudd seemed pleased to be addressed and he said, "Counselor, the kind of wholesome, antiseptic galaxy these androids would run would be purgatory for a man like me."

"That's fine, Harry," the Captain said, smiling. "The androids will be expecting us to make a break for it, and that's where you come in."

"What can I do?" he asked eagerly.

"Nothing, Harry," the Captain said, clapping his shoulder before gesturing to Doctor McCoy. "Just go to sleep."

Harry Mudd looked puzzled.

"What do you mean?" he asked, and then he saw the Doctor producing a hypo. Realization dawned on his face and said, "Oh, now, now wait a minute, gentlemen. No, what I, I" – the Doctor injected him – "had in mind was actually more in the line of a few words of sage counsel, as it were. Advice—"

He passed out into the arms of the Captain and Mr. Scott, who were ready and waiting to lower him to the ground.

"Oh, Harry," the Captain groaned. "I do believe you're putting on weight."

Once Mudd was in place where they wanted him, the Captain brushed her hands and said, "Right, Spock, sort things out here. I'm going for an Alice. Any Alice."

As soon as the Captain left the room, Spock turned to Vivian.

"You need to betray us."

Her eyes went wide and she looked around at the others, as if trying to decide who would do it instead of her, who would be the logical alternative.

"Vivian," he said softly, "what they have offered to you is logically the strongest of the temptations they have laid before the crew. Eternal youth and beauty?" He watched her shoulders tense, and he wondered just how tempting she found that offer. "You are the only person who has been offered something that conceivably would lead you to betray the rest of us, to consign us all to remain here. And you are very convincing as an actress."

She let out a nervous laugh, and shrugged.

"There's not any time to prepare anyone else, I guess," she said softly. "Can you hear the footsteps?" Spock nodded. "Alright, I'll do my best. But I wish it could have been someone else."

Spock wanted to kiss her, to help her calm and prepare, but there was no time and no privacy. Alice 1 was already walking in with the Captain.

"He is malfunctioning?" she asked, looking down at Mudd.

"He is dying," Doctor McCoy said angrily.

"And if you take him to your sickbay, will he be repaired?"

"Oh, yes," the Captain said eagerly, and Vivian took a deep breath before hurrying forward, almost frantically, dramatically.

"No, it's a lie," she said. "It's a lie!" Mr. Scott tried to pull her back, and shushed her, but she ignored him. "The Doctor injected him, it's all a trick to go onboard and sabotage the ship!"

Alice 1 considered Vivian, who was panting as Mr. Scott held her, his back to Alice 1, smiling a little to himself.

"Your request is refused," Alice 1 replied.

"Vivian, why did you tell her?" the Captain said, quite angrily.

"She said it earlier, Captain," Spock said softly. "They offered her eternal life and beauty."

Alice 1 took this information and said, "You have been of assistance. We shall fulfill our obligation."

"Thank you," Vivian said, although not as eagerly as she should have, and Spock quirked an eyebrow slightly. "Thank you!" she repeated again, this time with the same drama with which she had revealed their deception."

"The programming for your body will be completed before we leave."

Alice 1 left them alone again, and Vivian pushed Mr. Scott away, rubbing her hands on her arms anxiously. Spock wanted to have a moment to speak with her, but again, there was no time.

"Vivian," the Captain said, grinning. "Beautiful!"

Vivian gave a weak smile and Spock said, "Very believable."

She nodded as Mr. Scott said, "Well, the androids were expecting an attempt, and now we've made it."

"What next?" Vivian asked.

"Next," the Captain said, clapping her hands together once, "we take the Alices on a trip through Wonderland."

/-/

Vivian and the Captain walked into the throne room, and her heart was pounding as she ran through the plan again in her mind. It was all so carefully designed, but she supposed that if something went slightly wrong it wouldn't make too much of a difference.

Alices 118 and 2 said in unison, "Do you require something?"

"Yes," the Captain said, smiling. "Your attention."

She clapped her hands, and Scotty and Bones came in, followed by Chekov. Scotty and Bones began to play imaginary flute and fiddle, and Chekov bowed to Vivian, holding out his hands. They began to waltz, which Vivian hadn't done in many years. She had always hated dancing, but she did it anyway, being the only female available who knew how to dance at all.

"What are they doing?" one of the Alices asked.

"They're celebrating."

"What are they celebrating?"

"Their captivity. Do you enjoy the music?"

"Music?" one of the Alices said.

"Music?" the other echoed, and their badges started flashing in the corners of Vivian's vision. It was certainly working.

"Thank you, gentlemen," Chekov said when Vivian stopped the dance. "Thank you, lovely lady," he said. "You dance divinely."

"You are simply too kind," Vivian said, smiling, and she slapped him across the face. He made a point of going straight to the ground.

"Why does she strike him?" Alice 2 asked.

"She likes him," Captain Kirk answered, matter of fact. "Mr. Chekov. The floor is no place for an officer." Chekov leapt to his feet. "Attention!" Chekov stood to attention. "Now stand absolutely still."

"Yes, Captain," Chekov said, and he began to do an energetic Russian dance.

"Much better, Chekov," Vivian said with as much approval as she could give.

"It is illogical," Alice 1181 said.

"Your statement is illogical," the Captain countered, and the flashing became a sustained light. Bones quickly pulled out his scanner.

"How does it look?" Scotty asked quickly.

"Completely inner directed," he said triumphantly, and Vivian breathed a sigh of relief. "Oblivious to everything."

"Good," the Captain said. "I wonder how Spock's doing."

Vivian hummed, and motioned for the others to follow her to the laboratory, where Spock had opted to begin his work.

/-/

Spock nodded, considering the calculations he had been discussing with the Alices, 27 and 210, in the laboratory.

"Of course," he said. "Your computations would inevitably lead to a total description of the parabolic intersection of dimension with dimension."

Alice 27 nodded and said, "Mr. Spock, you have a remarkably logical and analytical mind."

"Thank you."

He knew it would not work, but he attempted a Vulcan neck pinch on Alice 210, obviously to know result but to puzzle the Alices.

"Is there some significance to this action?" Alice 210 asked.

"I love you," he said to Alice 27, and then turned to Alice 210. "However, I hate you."

"But I'm identical in every way with Alice 27," Alice 210 argued.

"Yes, of course," he said. "That is exactly why I hate you. Because you're identical."

The two Alices' numbers went from flashing to solidly lit up almost immediately at this, and he waved his hands in front of their eyes. They gave no response, seemingly inward focused, likely trying to determine what he meant by the illogical statements and behavior.

"Fascinating," he said, double-checking the mechanisms before he left.

/-/

"So far, so good," Vivian said to herself as they made their way down the corridor. "But still, lots to do." She took a step back as the door to the laboratory opened and Spock exited. She smiled and him and said, "How was it?"

"Success, Counselor," he said, motioning for her and the others to follow him, and she fell into stride with him. "We've been pruning the leaves and branches of the tree. Now it is time to get to work on the root."

The Captain, who came level with Vivian and Spock and said, "If Norman is the control center, he should be in a bind by what we've done. If we can overload him further, we should be able to immobilize all of them. Does everybody remember what to do?"

"Affirmative," Spock said.

Vivian smiled as the others chorused with her, "Yes, sir."

"Acknowledged," the Captain said, smiling, as they approached the computer area, as discussed.

/-/

Norman looked up when they entered, although more slowly than he had previously moved.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I want you to surrender," the Captain said, smiling still.

Norman quirked his head and said, "That is illogical. We can move more quickly than you. We are invulnerable to attack. We are much stronger."

"No, we are stronger," the Captain said, holding up a finger and looking rather triumphant. "I'll prove it to you. Can you harm a man that you've been programmed to serve?"

"No," Norman said.

Harry Mudd, who met them there, walked out of the shadows and said, "But you already have, Norman, laddie. Human beings do not survive on bread alone, you poor, soulless creature, but on the nourishments of liberty, for what indeed is a man without freedom? Naught but a mechanism trapped in the cogwheels of eternity."

Vivian had to hand it to him, Harry Mudd certainly knew how to make a pompous speech.

Bones stepped forward and said, in monotone, "You offer us only well-being."

Vivian also spoke in monotone, and said, "Food and drink and happiness mean nothing to us. We must be about our job."

"Suffering, in torment and pain. Laboring without end."

Scotty walked across the room to them and said, "Dying and crying and lamenting over our burdens."

Scotty and Bones said in unison, "Only this way will we be happy."

The three of them curtsied and stepped backward, Vivian coming even with the Captain and Spock once more. Norman seemed to be processing this, and then he said, "That is contradictory. It is not logical. Mr. Spock. Explain."

Spock turned to the Captain who waved him on and said, "Why not?"

"Logic," Spock said, as though giving a grand speech, "is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell bad. Are you sure your circuits are registering correctly?" he said politely to Norman. "Your ears are green."

With incredible suddenness, Scotty cried out in anguish, clutching at his chest.

"I canna go on!" he said. "I'm tired of happiness. I'm tired of comfort and pleasure. I'm ready! Kill me! Kill me!" They all pointed their fingers at him and whistled a low tone. Scotty slumped dramatically to his knees and cried out, "Goodbye, cruel universe."

Vivian knelt over him and looked up at the Captain. "Deceased," she announced.

"You cannot have killed him," Norman protested. "You have no weapons."

"Scotty," the Captain said mournfully. "Scotty's dead. He had too much happiness. But now he's happier he's dead, and we'll miss him." She smiled. "Let us hear it for our poor, dead friend."

They all laughed as Vivian stood again and said, "Man is naught but spirit, enterprise, endeavor, and the culmination of all the realized, the dreamed of sensation. Reality in its purest form!"

She felt like she was saying a bunch of nonsense, but she supposed that was the point, and Mudd clapped and said, "Brilliant! Bravo, bravo, my dear!"

"How do you like it?" the Captain asked Norman.

"That is irrational," Norman said. "Illogical. Dreams are not real."

The Captain said, "Our logical is to be illogical. That is our advantage. Mr. Spock, it is time. The explosive."

"Very well, Captain," Spock said, and he removed an invisible parcel from under his tunic.

"Explosive!" Scotty cried, leaping to his feet frantically.

Mudd stepped forward and said, "Don't panic. Women and children first."

"Mr. Spock," Vivian said anxiously, "perhaps that is too much?"

She hid behind him as though the explosive was real. He turned over the air like he was examining the explosive and he said, "I believe that is the correct amount, Counselor. Mr. Mudd, are you ready?"

"Aye, aye!" Mudd cried, getting into a catcher's pose.

"Be careful," Spock warned. "I would not want you to drop it."

He mimed and underarm throw, and Mud pretended to juggle something before making the catch, and Vivian and Bones watched nervously as he juggled.

"Easy now," Bones said. "Oh, he's caught it!"

"Watch it!" the Captain said sharply. "Watch it!"

Mudd mimed setting it on the floor. He then turned to Bones and said, "Detonator," and Bones mimed passing it. "Fuse. Primer. Mashie."

When he finished pretending to put it together, he took a golf driving stance, and Norman cried, "There is no explosive."

"Are you sure?" Vivian asked, smirking slightly at him. "Fore!" Mudd took his swing and Vivian made her best possible explosion sounds. Everyone except for Spock staggered backward and put their hands over their ears.

"Are you alright?" the Captain asked, and Spock exited without a word.

"But there was no explosion," Norman said, quirking his head further with confusion.

Mudd grinned and said, "I lied."

"What?" Norman asked.

"He lied," the Captain reemphasized. "Everything Harry tells you is a lie. Remember that. Everything Harry tells you is a lie."

Mudd leaned forward and said, "Listen to this carefully, Norman. I am lying."

"You say you are lying," Norman said, "but if everything you say is a lie then you are telling the truth, but you cannot tell the truth because everything you say is a lie. You lie. You tell the truth. But you cannot for – Illogical! Illogical! Please explain." Smoke started to pour out of his ears. "You are human. Only humans can explain their behavior. Please explain."

The Captain, smiling like a Cheshire cat, replied, "I am not programmed to respond in that area."

Spock reentered and said, "I believe they are all immobilized, Captain."

"Excellent," Vivian said, smiling and fighting the urge to rush Spock.

"Kirk, my dear," Mudd said, "I'm beginning to develop a considerable respect for you."

"Why, thank you," the Captain said, raising her eyebrows with a hint of facetiousness.

"Would you consider entering a partnership arrangement with me? I've got some ideas."

"A partnership arrangement?" the Captain echoed. "You and me?"

"Yes," Mudd said happily.

The Captain shook her head and said, "I've got something else in mind. Let's go."

/-/

It took a great deal of time to make the preparations to go, but with the help of the reprogrammed androids, Spock was able to accomplish what the Captain, Vivian, and himself had decided would be best to meet their requirements. Standing in the throne room, waiting for the Captain's approval to leave and return to their work, Spock looked at the variety of androids assembled.

"Well, you must be very unhappy, Mr. Spock," Doctor McCoy said, coming up beside Spock, looking at the androids as well.

Vivian, who had been watching Spock, raised her eyebrows and turned to the Doctor.

"Apart from wanting to stir up trouble," she said wryly, "what makes you say that?"

"Well," the Doctor said, smiling, "we found a whole world of minds that work just like his. Logical, unemotional, completely pragmatic." Vivian's eyes met Spock's and he could see laughter behind them. The Doctor continued, "And we poor, irrational humans whipped them in a fair fight. Now you'll find yourself back among us illogical humans."

"Which I find eminently satisfying, Doctor," Spock said, recalling with perfect clarity the way Vivian's eyes sparkled in low light as he let his hands explore the soft, gentle curves of her body. "For nowhere am I so desperately needed as among a shipload of illogical humans."

Vivian let out a short burst of laughter through her nose, and the Captain said, "Touché, Bones."

The voice of Mr. Harry Mudd could be heard saying, "I've never heard of anything so revolting. We'll soon get to the bottom of this."

He entered, outraged, with two Alices in tow, and he marched right up to the Captain and said, "Kirk, now what's this I hear about my having to stay here?"

With almost terrifying sweetness, Vivian said, "After consideration, Mudd, it was deemed most suitable to parole you here, to the care of the locals."

"The androids are being reprogrammed," Spock explained. "Their original purpose was to adapt this planet for productive use. They'll begin that work again."

"But what do I do?" Mudd asked. "Kirk, I'm not scientist."

"No, you're an irritant," the Captain said sharply. "You'll stay here and provide a first-class example to the androids of a human failure. They'll by close observation how to avoid ones like you in the future."

Mudd looked like he might argue, but then he said, "How long?"

"As long as you continue to be an irritant, Harry. It's up to you."

Mudd nodded, looking around at the androids, a small smile twitching at his lips.

"I suppose that taking everything into consideration," he said, "as it were, and noting all the different possibilities, I could manage. And as detention sentences go, this one isn't too uncomfortable. And I'm back in the galaxy again!"

"Yes, you are," the Captain said coolly. "Oh, there's one more thing, Harry. The Counselor suggested we program a special android attendant to take care of your every need. She'll help you find an incentive to work with the androids and not exploit them."

Mudd's eyebrows shot up and he turned eagerly to Vivian and said, "I call that unexpectedly civil of you, my dear."

"I'm sure," Vivian said, turning away from him, back toward Spock and the Doctor.

The android version of Stella entered and squawked, Harcourt! Harcourt Fenton Mudd, what have you been up to? Have you been drinking again? You answer me!"

"Shut up!" Mudd cried.

"You miserable, conniving toad!" she continued in spite of his demand.

"I order you," he said firmly. "Shut up, Stella!"

"Staying out all night and then giving me some silly story."

A second Stella, with a number two on her collar, came out and cried, "Harcourt! Harcourt Fenton Mudd, you've been overeating again, and drinking."

Mudd, realizing what Vivian's plan had really been, looked panicked, turning to the Captain and crying, "Kirk, you can't do this."

"You need constant supervision," Stella 2 said.

"It's inhuman," Mudd protested.

"I can see I've got my work cut out for me," Stella 2 said.

Another Stella, this with a 500, said, "Harcourt," as she entered the room.

"No," he said, horrified. "Number five hundred? No, no, no."

"What have you been up to?"

More and more Stellas came in, berating him, and Mudd cried, "Kirk. It's inhuman. Mercy."

"Goodbye, Harry," the Captain called. "Have fun."

And they left him to his panic, which Spock thought a fitting end to the wild chase his behavior had led them to.

A/N: Ah, a few things niggling in the relationship, eh? Good thing, the next two chapters I've got lined up for y'all. Don't know if I'll be posting next week, as I'll be in Napa with some girlfriends, but I shall do my best.

Review Prompt: If you were Vivian and had a private conversation with Amanda, what would you say and what would you ask?

-C